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"Isnt an Itchfanny 500 a Japanese motorbike? " I think it’s apparently so called as the revs were at such a specific frequency as to spontaneously materialise crabs from the ether onto whoever was riding the bike at the time | |||
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"I rub up against a tree. "The tried and trusted technique as utilised by wise bears in the wild. Just mind those splinters however......  | |||
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"I find a little corner " The privacy technique; I understand many ladies opt for this one. I’ve also found that said ladies tend to become annoyed if one tries to film them performing this highly secretive art | |||
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"I’m pretty sure some security guards have seen me either pulling my knickers out of my arse, having a little scratch or sorting out my bra!" Remember, security cameras are everywhere to. You may be a star without knowing it..... | |||
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"...ahh yeah that was it. Martine Mycuntsitchin'  " Wasn’t she also in Love Actually (is really itching my fanny!) ? | |||
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"Bag on lap. Bag on lap." The military principle of camouflage combined with the magician’s art of slight of hand; Now that is a clever tactic m’lady. I once stood behind a car door and scratched my arse but it wasn’t nearly as classy | |||
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"I’m waiting for MOTD to put together a montage of Joachim Low doing his scratch and sniff "Don’t forget his nose picking/bogey rolling antics to. The man is legendary I tell thee! | |||
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My problem is usually sitting on my lips awkwardly. I end up looking like a dog with worms as I squirm to get a better position.
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"What about bounce bounce scratch arse bounce scratch bollox serve tennis bloke "The ol’ball juggling technique - coupled with the willy flick; Truly formidable | |||
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"I was at the traffic lights yesterday and saw a man just reach into his waistband, dive down and have a good old scratch. The lights changed before I saw whether he sniffed on the withdrawal.
My problem is usually sitting on my lips awkwardly. I end up looking like a dog with worms as I squirm to get a better position.
"You need to perfect the patented ‘Circular wiggle’ method; simply press your pelvis down onto the seat and move your hips around in a circular motion to ease the itch beneath you. I should really compose a treatise on this fascinating subject | |||
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"I was at the traffic lights yesterday and saw a man just reach into his waistband, dive down and have a good old scratch. The lights changed before I saw whether he sniffed on the withdrawal.
My problem is usually sitting on my lips awkwardly. I end up looking like a dog with worms as I squirm to get a better position.
You need to perfect the patented ‘Circular wiggle’ method; simply press your pelvis down onto the seat and move your hips around in a circular motion to ease the itch beneath you. I should really compose a treatise on this fascinating subject "It will be a bestseller. It just needs a catchy title. | |||
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"Years ago I read a letter in a magazine from a woman who had a very itchy bum as she was out shopping. She backed into a shop doorway and scratched to her hearts content only to turn round and find a horrified window dresser staring at her "Something in your eye madam ? | |||
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"Years ago I read a letter in a magazine from a woman who had a very itchy bum as she was out shopping. She backed into a shop doorway and scratched to her hearts content only to turn round and find a horrified window dresser staring at her " Definitely one of those ‘Ground please swallow me up!’ moments | |||
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