FabSwingers.com forum: To choosey. To picky

By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

What does this mean?"Is it a cop out for some people? Are most of us not choosey and pick our partners wisely?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can only conjecture about other people's reasons for being choosy.

Some may be looking for someone they consider to be a cut above the rest; work, financially etc.

Some may have a particular look they are after.

Some may not really be into it at the moment, and nobody will put the fire in their loins.

I don't consider myself to be particularly choosy, but I say no thanks you to hundreds of men before I find one who interests me.

That's because I don't search for men and let the message me.

I live in a densely populated Fab area, and I think that makes it easier for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are lots of different types of men i choose not to meet but i don't know if that makes me choosy or not..

I just know what i do and don't like..

And i live in a less well populated area which im sure makes some people think i am more desperate to meet, if that makes sense

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Also, the people they want may not want them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Usually if your being called to choosey then they expect you to drop your standards.

No attraction then no interaction in my book.

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"Usually if your being called to choosey then they expect you to drop your standards.

No attraction then no interaction in my book."
i was more referring to those that describe themselves as choosy as though others arnt

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By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!

I think that if someone says on their profile that they are choosey ( and shouldn't we all be) , it's a bit of reverse psychology to make the person their messaging feel a bit special!

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I prefer the term selective. I’m selective about anything I do or don’t do, places I will or won’t go and men I will or won’t meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Usually if your being called to choosey then they expect you to drop your standards.

No attraction then no interaction in my book.i was more referring to those that describe themselves as choosy as though others arnt"

I see, being choosey and picky is what any level headed person should be, putting it in writing could be seen as acting superior and thinking highly of themselves,

I’d guess couples and single woman who get a lot of requests could in some cases think this way, it would be more polite and honest if they just described their ideal people to meet ie. age, body, hair and any other attribute they want.

Unfortunately as it’s a swinging site a lot of rational thinking goes out of the window.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think there's two strands to this...

Someone is sometimes labelled as too picky or choosy if they've turned someone down, usually by the person that was turned down.

Someone is themselves choosy or picky if they are (to use Babs very good word) "selective" about who they meet - and that surely applies to all but the "any hole's a goal" brigade (which is a phrase I hate but it fits in this instance) because we all have people we are attracted to and not attracted to after all.

The difference between the two is the word "too" - although there are of course some that would describe themselves as "too choosy", it's usually applied in the former.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't really understand those that go on about how picky and choosy they are. It just makes them sound like they consider themselves to have a far superior selection process to the rest of us and that you should deem yourself extremely privileged should they choose to interact with you. Yeah. Whatever. Get over yourself. They come across as a bit precious...I imagine people like that never meet anyone and i do wonder if they realise they're on a site where people are looking for sex. Just my thoughts of course.

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By *ust ClareTV/TS
over a year ago

Settlewick!

"I don't really understand those that go on about how picky and choosy they are. It just makes them sound like they consider themselves to have a far superior selection process to the rest of us and that you should deem yourself extremely privileged should they choose to interact with you. Yeah. Whatever. Get over yourself. They come across as a bit precious...I imagine people like that never meet anyone and i do wonder if they realise they're on a site where people are looking for sex. Just my thoughts of course.

Same sentiment as mine but yours was better put!

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Anyone who has it on their profile like to comment?

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

Why have I got The Chuckle Brothers struggling with a heavy wardrobe in my head...

"To me, to you, to me, to you,.."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I will give it a go.

It’s a (weak) filter. I will admit to it doesn’t help in as much as saying what you are choosing or picking. But probably invites less judgement than *young, attractive, fit people only*

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"What does this mean?"Is it a cop out for some people? Are most of us not choosey and pick our partners wisely?"

One of my pet peeves. I wrote on a thread earlier that to me, the connotation from those using it was they were somehow superior. We're all here for our own fantasies, I pick those who match sexually what I'm looking for.

What floats my boat will sink others, just means we're not sexually compatible not that they're out of my league!

Don't get the pseudo snootiness!

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire

I would consider myself choosy as I wouldn't sleep with just anyone, there has to be a spark of attraction (which doesn't have to be physical).

However, I don't consider myself to be superior to anyone on the site. The opposite in fact. Because I won't sleep with "just anyone" on a sex site (I hate that term btw, just using it as it was mentioned earlier) I feel inferior.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

I don’t have it on my profile but we are all picking and choosing all the time surely? If not it means we would interact with anyone and everyone. If you can’t be picky and choosey on a sex site where can you be? I’ll keep with selective, it works for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't get that either, in all honesty. I don't see it as picky or choosy. I see it more as having a type. I'm not going to compromise my own personal standards for sex. That doesn't make me picky. I would like t think that most people have this mindset... Other than a few exceptions of course

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I don’t have it on my profile but we are all picking and choosing all the time surely? If not it means we would interact with anyone and everyone. If you can’t be picky and choosey on a sex site where can you be? I’ll keep with selective, it works for me

"
i agree 100% its how it works for most of us on here. Thats why i fail to see why others think in someone they are more choosy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think your right as previously stated, the issue some have is when people have to tell others they are

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I think your right as previously stated, the issue some have is when people have to tell others they are

"
I dont really have an issue just dont really understand why some go on about it

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think there's two strands to this...

Someone is sometimes labelled as too picky or choosy if they've turned someone down, usually by the person that was turned down.

The difference between the two is the word "too" - although there are of course some that would describe themselves as "too choosy", it's usually applied in the former."

This has made me chuckle

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Tell you what i am shocked about. Not one person has picked me up on saying To and not Too. Forum police must be slacking today

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"Tell you what i am shocked about. Not one person has picked me up on saying To and not Too. Forum police must be slacking today

They’ve got heat stroke

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"Tell you what i am shocked about. Not one person has picked me up on saying To and not Too. Forum police must be slacking today

That’s a Fab first I’m sure

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Hmmmmm I have a theory on this, those that are specific in quoting their choosiness and pickiness think they are superior to others on the site. This is particularly noticeable on threads when they feel the need to say things like ‘I never meet anyone from the forum......’ ‘no man on this site is good enough for me’. They express their choosiness and pickiness in such a way, that those that don’t share the same preferences are made to look inferior.

There are things that I am picky and choosy about but that doesn’t mean my preferences make me better than others. They’re personal to me and not something that I express to belittle others

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think there's two strands to this...

Someone is sometimes labelled as too picky or choosy if they've turned someone down, usually by the person that was turned down.

The difference between the two is the word "too" - although there are of course some that would describe themselves as "too choosy", it's usually applied in the former.

This has made me chuckle

Because?

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I think there's two strands to this...

Someone is sometimes labelled as too picky or choosy if they've turned someone down, usually by the person that was turned down.

The difference between the two is the word "too" - although there are of course some that would describe themselves as "too choosy", it's usually applied in the former.

This has made me chuckle

Because?

It’s not a criticism, I just liked how you phrased it and also you used terminology that’s incongruous to your usual posts

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Tell you what i am shocked about. Not one person has picked me up on saying To and not Too. Forum police must be slacking today

they've overheated!

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Hmmmmm I have a theory on this, those that are specific in quoting their choosiness and pickiness think they are superior to others on the site. This is particularly noticeable on threads when they feel the need to say things like ‘I never meet anyone from the forum......’ ‘no man on this site is good enough for me’. They express their choosiness and pickiness in such a way, that those that don’t share the same preferences are made to look inferior.

There are things that I am picky and choosy about but that doesn’t mean my preferences make me better than others. They’re personal to me and not something that I express to belittle others

Couldn't agree more!

They usually add "not here to fuck the whole site" for good measure!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What does this mean?"Is it a cop out for some people? Are most of us not choosey and pick our partners wisely?"

How would it be a cop out?

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"What does this mean?"Is it a cop out for some people? Are most of us not choosey and pick our partners wisely?

How would it be a cop out?"
i dont know thats why im asking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Everyone is picky or choosy because everyone will pick people that they're attracted to.

I've been told I'm too picky because I'm only attracted to a very low percentage of men.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"What does this mean?"Is it a cop out for some people? Are most of us not choosey and pick our partners wisely?"

It depends.

Some Fabbers are clearly 'looking for lurve' so will be less discerning as their soul mate could possibly by hanging around.

Others are looking only for plaything sexual partners to help with fantasies, so will be more choosy.

It's horses for courses. We don't 'need' anyone, but it is fun to find a hunky plaything for wifey, so yes, we are choosy. If we were looking for something more we might consider a wider palette of candidates.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What does this mean?"Is it a cop out for some people? Are most of us not choosey and pick our partners wisely?

How would it be a cop out?

i dont know thats why im asking"

I thought it could be a cop out like a way to put off most people from mailing, because they rarely meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are things that I am picky and choosy about but that doesn’t mean my preferences make me better than others. They’re personal to me and not something that I express to belittle others

I don't meet from the forum not to belittle others... it's because the type of guy I go for is rarely found in someone that posts regularly on the forum. There is one guy currently who posts occasionally... and that is it. I don't class myself as overly picky I just know what I like.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are things that I am picky and choosy about but that doesn’t mean my preferences make me better than others. They’re personal to me and not something that I express to belittle others

Oh and I'm not interested in getting involved in forum politics so it's best to avoid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we are all picky and choosy by the very fact we like to pick and choose who we will meet. I don't view it as a bad thing just another choice we all make, just like the sort of food we will eat, and clothes we wear depending on our likes

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I think we are all picky and choosy by the very fact we like to pick and choose who we will meet. I don't view it as a bad thing just another choice we all make, just like the sort of food we will eat, and clothes we wear depending on our likes

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other."

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This must be where I am going wrong.

Maybe I should drop my standards and expectations and just chase any pussy out there

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about..."

Depends on your interpretation of what the thread is about I guess - the subject line suggests one thing, the OP suggests a slightly different one - besides when has a thread ever stayed true to its original intent

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"This must be where I am going wrong.

Maybe I should drop my standards and expectations and just chase any pussy out there"
this isnt about that. Its about people who.put it in their profile or keep mentioning it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

Ok answer what the hell you like. That wasn't what the op was asking though but carry on

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

"
the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it is a cop out when they say that..i just say it like it is on here.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it"

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

I think a lot of us do though to be honest - maybe not in those exact terms but by saying what we are looking for on our profiles or making comments like "looking for a connection and chemistry" which I know I often say, are we not displaying that we are picky and choosy? "
displaying it and saying what you are looking for isnt harping on every five minutes about how picky you are its proving you are without having to say it

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"The thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

not in my opinion. "

I'm not sure how that cannot be the case though unless you're saying (which I know you're not) that you'd accept anyone - by turning someone down for a meet you are exercising your right to pick and choose and have a preference are you not?

Not being argumentative or pedantic deliberately here - genuinely don't see the difference.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

No. That isn't the same. Stating "I'm too picky" just smacks of self importance. Saying..." I must have chemistry" isn't the same thing at all!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

No. That isn't the same. Stating "I'm too picky" just smacks of self importance. Saying..." I must have chemistry" isn't the same thing at all!"

If people can't see the difference then you are missing the subtleties in the language.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

I think a lot of us do though to be honest - maybe not in those exact terms but by saying what we are looking for on our profiles or making comments like "looking for a connection and chemistry" which I know I often say, are we not displaying that we are picky and choosy? displaying it and saying what you are looking for isnt harping on every five minutes about how picky you are its proving you are without having to say it"

Ah now THAT is different and the key point was "harping on" which I hadn't necessarily picked up on from most of the previous posts hence my comments.

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"The thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

not in my opinion.

Not being argumentative or pedantic deliberately here - genuinely don't see the difference."
ok. Take my nice thread the other day. People can display they are nice without saying it. Same as picky and choosy you can display it without keep saying it. The problem isnt with people actually being picky and choosy

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

I think a lot of us do though to be honest - maybe not in those exact terms but by saying what we are looking for on our profiles or making comments like "looking for a connection and chemistry" which I know I often say, are we not displaying that we are picky and choosy? displaying it and saying what you are looking for isnt harping on every five minutes about how picky you are its proving you are without having to say it

Ah now THAT is different and the key point was "harping on" which I hadn't necessarily picked up on from most of the previous posts hence my comments.

"
YAY you get it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

not in my opinion.

Not being argumentative or pedantic deliberately here - genuinely don't see the difference.ok. Take my nice thread the other day. People can display they are nice without saying it. Same as picky and choosy you can display it without keep saying it. The problem isnt with people actually being picky and choosy"

Please someone tell the people who go on about being too nice! They really get on my tits too

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

No. That isn't the same. Stating "I'm too picky" just smacks of self importance. Saying..." I must have chemistry" isn't the same thing at all!

If people can't see the difference then you are missing the subtleties in the language. "

I think it depends how it's displayed to be honest and has nothing to do with missing the subtleties of the language at all - yes someone constantly "harping on" about being too picky could suggest self-importance (and as a subset of that attention seeking), but could also suggest a lack of self-confidence and various other traits besides - so I think it actually comes down to individual cases as much as anything.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

Or as I said in an earlier post are perceived to be too picky and choosy by those that have been turned down by them

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

As soon as someone says , or displays on their profile that they are too choosy or picky I click off it . Of course we all have our own standards and choices , but when someone bemoans the fact they can’t find a meet because they are too choosy or picky , I think that if someone reckons they are all that in their own mind , they probably aren’t the type we want to meet .

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

"
what are you talking about?:

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly this in a nutshell

We all make choices about all sorts of things and that is surely being picky and choosy on some level or other.

That's not the same as being too picky as some proclaim to be... which is what the thread is about...

the thread isnt about peoples choices or preferences but those that feel the need to say they are choosy and picky instead of just getting on with it

No. That isn't the same. Stating "I'm too picky" just smacks of self importance. Saying..." I must have chemistry" isn't the same thing at all!"

This is an odd one because I have massive levels of self importance yet I'd never admit to being too picky or too choosy and I'd never declare it.

Maybe the people that say they're too picky do so to appear high value, a kind of false sense of worth. I know I'm high value so feel no need to write such things.

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

Or as I said in an earlier post are perceived to be too picky and choosy by those that have been turned down by them

"
thats a different thing others thinking your too picky

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

Or as I said in an earlier post are perceived to be too picky and choosy by those that have been turned down by them

thats a different thing others thinking your too picky

Let's not start this again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

Or as I said in an earlier post are perceived to be too picky and choosy by those that have been turned down by them

that's 60 seconds I'll never get back

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

what are you talking about?:"

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By *iamondsmiles. OP Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

Or as I said in an earlier post are perceived to be too picky and choosy by those that have been turned down by them

that's 60 seconds I'll never get back

"
hard life isnt it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There's so many women on these threads who like to consider you to be getting on their tits - but when it comes to the crunch they're too picky & choosey ........

Or as I said in an earlier post are perceived to be too picky and choosy by those that have been turned down by them

that's 60 seconds I'll never get back

hard life isnt it"

only when I'm aboard someone's tits

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone often says they are too picky they may mean they can never find someone they are attracted to on the site.

Doesn't necessarily mean they think they are superior. They might wish they found someone attractive, but just don't.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Very interesting thread

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone often says they are too picky they may mean they can never find someone they are attracted to on the site.

Doesn't necessarily mean they think they are superior. They might wish they found someone attractive, but just don't. "

That describes me, I like a certain look and don’t find many in these parts. Is that me being too picky or knowing exactly what I like?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone often says they are too picky they may mean they can never find someone they are attracted to on the site.

Doesn't necessarily mean they think they are superior. They might wish they found someone attractive, but just don't.

That describes me, I like a certain look and don’t find many in these parts. Is that me being too picky or knowing exactly what I like? "

Depends on if it pisses you off I suppose, then you might feel too picky. I think if you're happy then 'you know what you like'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"If someone often says they are too picky they may mean they can never find someone they are attracted to on the site.

Doesn't necessarily mean they think they are superior. They might wish they found someone attractive, but just don't.

That describes me, I like a certain look and don’t find many in these parts. Is that me being too picky or knowing exactly what I like?

Depends on if it pisses you off I suppose, then you might feel too picky. I think if you're happy then 'you know what you like'.

Nah, I’m pretty chilled and don’t need to meet people desperately. I guess I’m in the latter then. I am pickier now than I was last year. I’ve hardly met anyone this year through choice. I’m rethinking that choice right now

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