FabSwingers.com mobile

Join us FREE, we're FREE to use

Web's largest swingers site since 2006.

Already registered?
Login here

Back to forum list
Back to The Lounge

Loneliness paradox

Jump to newest
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Does anyone else have an odd reaction to loneliness, where the longer it goes on, the less they want to spend time with people? My threadbare social life disintegrated at Christmas when I realised that people I thought were friends didn't want me around, and I've been lonely and miserable since, but the last couple of months I'm finding I hardly even want to spend time with existing acquaintances and the thought of meeting new people is more than I can handle. I feel like I'm going back to my twenties, when I spent almost all my time outside work alone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I’d make the effort and just have coffee with a friend so the expectations to be a good host are minimised.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds as if the perceived rejection by your former friends has left you feeling wary of risking further rejection by making the first move. Also its possible you could be depressed which can make social effort seem like a huge task.

Are you sure you were correct in your assessment of your former circle? Sometimes if we are feeling vulnerable or insecure we can misinterpret things. Other people have lives of their own that don't revolve around our feelings or needs,it's best not to take things personally.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *uzzy NavelWoman
over a year ago

so near and yet so far....

[Removed by poster at 27/06/18 11:33:38]

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

I have to make an effort to see people. I prefer my own company, even telling the other half I'll be late home so he doesn't come home til late so I can be alone.

It's not healthy and I have a great time when out...I just prefer my own company.

I do wonder though if it's because I have family, friends and a partner I like me time whether I'd have a different view if I didn't have anyone.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is actually a common manifestation of depression.

Not that I’m armchair diagnosing, I can’t. However, I feel for you OP, I see you. I can relate. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes I get that, and I feel that way now but I know I can’t let that take over so I’ve reached out to a friend for a chat. It’s so easy to stay at home cocooned in a safe place but lonely as well. X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It sounds as if the perceived rejection by your former friends has left you feeling wary of risking further rejection by making the first move. Also its possible you could be depressed which can make social effort seem like a huge task.

Are you sure you were correct in your assessment of your former circle? Sometimes if we are feeling vulnerable or insecure we can misinterpret things. Other people have lives of their own that don't revolve around our feelings or needs,it's best not to take things personally."

I have a rule of thumb when dealing with people. If they let you disappear from their lives, they didn't want you there in the first place.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This is actually a common manifestation of depression.

Not that I’m armchair diagnosing, I can’t. However, I feel for you OP, I see you. I can relate. X"

Depression is a fact, I was diagnosed eighteen years ago and was on the pills for eight.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you do suffer with depression then isolating yourself is a manifestation that it’s flaring up again... if this episode of feeling lonely and being alone is carrying on are you seeking any advice or help from your GP... I know the services are limited etc but might be worth it!

It’s such an awful cycle to get out of.. you need friends and family who understand how hard it is...

Sending hugs... there’s always people around on the forums so always chat to us if you need too!!

X

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hope things work out for you OP, I have total empathy for your situation.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's a good sign that you know what's happening. I would now try to remedy this.

I haven't got proper words today to say what I'm thinking, sorry.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"It sounds as if the perceived rejection by your former friends has left you feeling wary of risking further rejection by making the first move. Also its possible you could be depressed which can make social effort seem like a huge task.

Are you sure you were correct in your assessment of your former circle? Sometimes if we are feeling vulnerable or insecure we can misinterpret things. Other people have lives of their own that don't revolve around our feelings or needs,it's best not to take things personally.

I have a rule of thumb when dealing with people. If they let you disappear from their lives, they didn't want you there in the first place."

That isn't necessarily true. People will allow you to disappear because it seems to them that you no longer wish to be in contact. I know this isn't always the case but take my father as an example. He was quite upset that his friends from the far east didn't seem to bother about him. In March I pointed out an email they'd sent him in January that he hadn't got round to answering. I wonder if they were thinking that he didn't want to know them any more.

Would it be worth you reaching out to your old friends?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly

QK it’s very difficult when you feel so let down by those you thought cared. Maybe you don’t want to meet existing people because you fear they’re the same? I know I did so try new ones, even though that’s difficult too. I was in the same place you’re in now last year and after some time I found a new meet up group to go to but it’s still hard going. I’m sure I will connect with one or two people to build new friendships with but it isn’t something that changes overnight. It’s a catch 22, stop the downward spiral and start going up when it’s right for you. Good luck x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds as if the perceived rejection by your former friends has left you feeling wary of risking further rejection by making the first move. Also its possible you could be depressed which can make social effort seem like a huge task.

Are you sure you were correct in your assessment of your former circle? Sometimes if we are feeling vulnerable or insecure we can misinterpret things. Other people have lives of their own that don't revolve around our feelings or needs,it's best not to take things personally.

I have a rule of thumb when dealing with people. If they let you disappear from their lives, they didn't want you there in the first place."

That will pretty much ensure that your circle gets smaller all the time. People are busy, they get caught up in their own lives, it doesn't automatically mean they wouldn't be pleased to hear from you. Someone has to make the first move.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

It's difficult to get yourself out of a rut. See your GP as it does sound a bit like depression. The longer you leave it the harder it is. Good luck OP and feel free to pm me xx

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It sounds as if the perceived rejection by your former friends has left you feeling wary of risking further rejection by making the first move. Also its possible you could be depressed which can make social effort seem like a huge task.

Are you sure you were correct in your assessment of your former circle? Sometimes if we are feeling vulnerable or insecure we can misinterpret things. Other people have lives of their own that don't revolve around our feelings or needs,it's best not to take things personally.

I have a rule of thumb when dealing with people. If they let you disappear from their lives, they didn't want you there in the first place.

That isn't necessarily true. People will allow you to disappear because it seems to them that you no longer wish to be in contact. I know this isn't always the case but take my father as an example. He was quite upset that his friends from the far east didn't seem to bother about him. In March I pointed out an email they'd sent him in January that he hadn't got round to answering. I wonder if they were thinking that he didn't want to know them any more.

Would it be worth you reaching out to your old friends?"

I don't know if I could bring myself to do it. Which would be worse, wondering if I was wrong or finding out for sure that I was right?

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"QK it’s very difficult when you feel so let down by those you thought cared. Maybe you don’t want to meet existing people because you fear they’re the same? I know I did so try new ones, even though that’s difficult too. I was in the same place you’re in now last year and after some time I found a new meet up group to go to but it’s still hard going. I’m sure I will connect with one or two people to build new friendships with but it isn’t something that changes overnight. It’s a catch 22, stop the downward spiral and start going up when it’s right for you. Good luck x"

Unfortunately, these are all people I met through a meetup group and all the social groups around here have members in common that I don't want to see right now.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It sounds as if the perceived rejection by your former friends has left you feeling wary of risking further rejection by making the first move. Also its possible you could be depressed which can make social effort seem like a huge task.

Are you sure you were correct in your assessment of your former circle? Sometimes if we are feeling vulnerable or insecure we can misinterpret things. Other people have lives of their own that don't revolve around our feelings or needs,it's best not to take things personally.

I have a rule of thumb when dealing with people. If they let you disappear from their lives, they didn't want you there in the first place.

That isn't necessarily true. People will allow you to disappear because it seems to them that you no longer wish to be in contact. I know this isn't always the case but take my father as an example. He was quite upset that his friends from the far east didn't seem to bother about him. In March I pointed out an email they'd sent him in January that he hadn't got round to answering. I wonder if they were thinking that he didn't want to know them any more.

Would it be worth you reaching out to your old friends?

I don't know if I could bring myself to do it. Which would be worse, wondering if I was wrong or finding out for sure that I was right?"

Regardless, you won't actually be any worse off, will you? And things might even improve. A lot of our "realities" are just the perception we choose to have.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By *luebell888Woman
over a year ago

Glasgowish

I feel like that alot but because i have dogs i need to go out and walk them. I go out 3x a day for long walks with them and the combination of fresh air and exercise does me the world of good. I also chat to folk when out walking which can only be good.x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know exactly where you're coming from OP.

I spend nearly all of my time out of work alone, I live alone and don't have any family.

I don't crave company most of the time - I like my own company.

It's mainly the thought of what I should be doing that pains me the most.

I am lonely but don't have the drive to do anything about it.

Sending hugs and to ket you know tgat it's OK to be on your own and be different x

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get a dog - the only companion you'll ever need.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get a dog - the only companion you'll ever need."

Oh yes, I endorse this post!

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Get a dog - the only companion you'll ever need.

Oh yes, I endorse this post! "

I'd love to, financially it's not an option at the moment.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get a dog - the only companion you'll ever need.

Oh yes, I endorse this post!

I'd love to, financially it's not an option at the moment."

The Cinnamon Trust in your area has previously looked for dog walker helpers to assist vulnerable people.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Get a dog - the only companion you'll ever need.

Oh yes, I endorse this post!

I'd love to, financially it's not an option at the moment."

That's a shame. Maybe something to look forward to when you're in a better position.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 

By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Get a dog - the only companion you'll ever need.

Oh yes, I endorse this post!

I'd love to, financially it's not an option at the moment.

That's a shame. Maybe something to look forward to when you're in a better position."

Definitely.

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
 
 

By *ecretlyASoftieWoman
over a year ago

Hull but travel regularly


"Get a dog - the only companion you'll ever need.

Oh yes, I endorse this post!

I'd love to, financially it's not an option at the moment.

That's a shame. Maybe something to look forward to when you're in a better position.

Definitely."

Maybe try borrow my doggy? I’ve not used it but love the idea

Reply privatelyReply in forumReply +quote
Post new Message to Thread
back to top