FabSwingers.com forum: Struggling with life

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Hey everyone....

So on the outside, I look like I’m managing life well, working full time, paying my bills, going on dates and always say I’m good when someone asks me if I’m ok.

But I’m not, I’m really not ok and my mood is just getting lower. Maybe it’s the annominity of fab but I need to get my feelings out.

Three years ago I made a huge life decision and ended my marriage. Huge thing for me to do and although it was the right thing for me to do, I miss having that someone/companion to do things with. I have great parents and sister and we spend a lot of time together doing things. I have some great friends who I spend time with but I get so lonely. Everyone is coupled up or living family life so I spend a lot of time on my own which just makes me feel even worse - Sunday afternoons/ evenings are the hardest time of the week for me.

For some reason, my mood has dropped dramatically the last week or so, no energy or interest in anything, calling in sick to work. I have recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and have had some complications due to that which haven’t helped with making me feel great.

The sun is shining, it feels like the world is off having a great time and that life is just passing me by. Which I could shake this sinking feeling but I just can’t

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Excersise is good for lifting your mood.

Why do you need someone? Do you want to end up in another simular situation to your marriage? Disney tell lies.. its not all prince charming!

Enjoy yourself and if the right person comes along so be it. But you dont n3ed anyone to be happy

These familes and couples you see are prob unhappy on the inside and wish they were single

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's a lot of crappy stuff, most people would feel down after all that. Have you mentioned it to your doctor? Or try telling one of your close friends. Sharing can help. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I am very aware that I don’t need someone but it would be nice to have someone. Doesn’t even have to be romantic, companionship is what I’m lacking.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe have a chat with your doc about how you feel.

Is it possible to organise to see family or friends sunday afternoon/evening ?

Hope you feel better soon x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

That's a lot of crappy stuff, most people would feel down after all that. Have you mentioned it to your doctor? Or try telling one of your close friends. Sharing can help. x

I’m thinking a chat with the doctor might help, i just don’t want to go down the route of antidepressants and time off work again

. Don’t feel like I can tell close friends at present. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Maybe have a chat with your doc about how you feel.

Is it possible to organise to see family or friends sunday afternoon/evening ?

Hope you feel better soon x[

Sunday’s seem to be very much a “family” time for everyone around me. Have already spent some time with my folks today

and thank you x

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I am very aware that I don’t need someone but it would be nice to have someone. Doesn’t even have to be romantic, companionship is what I’m lacking. "

I know what you mean,I'm in my garden listening to everyone around me. I spend too much time by myself.

I hope you feel better soon.

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By *ndonmaleMan
over a year ago

Preston

I’m sorry to read your mood is low and getting worse. May I suggest talking to your GP.

I had a breakdown a few years back, like you I was smiling and saying I was ok but I wasn’t. I visited my GP after that very dark evening when I returned from work.

I was suffering with depression, I was prescribed anti depressants and was happy to take them, it was explained to me that it was the bodies chemical imbalance.

I came off the pills 6 months later because I felt myself again. A year after and I was back on them again, I put that down to seasonal affective disorder and took pills again for approx 4/5 months.

I haven’t taken pills again since (approx 4 years), I know the triggers now of when I’m starting to fall down that big dark hole and I have a lot of determination to hang on and climb out without the help. BUT I KNOW THE HELP IS THERE IF I NEED IT.

I know people are likely to suggest exercise as being good for you and I don’t doubt that it is. However if it wasn’t high on your list before (wasn’t on mine) it’s probably sunk even lower if your mood is already low.

The only advice I could give (other than visit your GP) would be to do something completely different or something you really enjoy on your worst days. Visit your family, go to a car boot sale, trip to a shopping centre. Something that’ll make you feel happy.

Strangely my happy place is work, I work with children of various ages. One young girl (5 yrs) when I walked in ran and hugged me and said how much she missed me, that actually made my week not my day.

Try to keep positive, I know it’s hard.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meetup seems to be a popular site.

A Fab buddy group would be good. Friends to hang out with and chat to on boring Sunday afternoons. People are always too far away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am very aware that I don’t need someone but it would be nice to have someone. Doesn’t even have to be romantic, companionship is what I’m lacking. "

I understand this, I also understand depression, if you can talk to a professional that would be a good place to start x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That's a lot of crappy stuff, most people would feel down after all that. Have you mentioned it to your doctor? Or try telling one of your close friends. Sharing can help. x

I’m thinking a chat with the doctor might help, i just don’t want to go down the route of antidepressants and time off work again

. Don’t feel like I can tell close friends at present. X"

My experiences of anti depressants wasn't good, so I would advoud that route.

Keep yourself busy, as someone else said exercise can help, it releases endorphins.

I am single and have been for 12 years and altough I'm not lonely, I do sometimes miss the company when at home by myself.

I hope your mood and feelings improve xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

]I am very aware that I don’t need someone but it would be nice to have someone. Doesn’t even have to be romantic, companionship is what I’m lacking.

I know what you mean,I'm in my garden listening to everyone around me. I spend too much time by myself.

I hope you feel better soon.

I’m sat in the flat, curtains closed.....can’t even bear to sea the sun today!

Sending a big hug.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I really do know how you are feeling, I have been through the split up and emotionally it is a hard time, and with everything else that you are feeling, I really do feel for you.

Believe me when I say, it does help to speak to someone.

I am getting back to my old self again, but it has been a struggle.

I know people say it, but if you want to talk to someone who has no vested interest, please on me

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I’m sorry to read your mood is low and getting worse. May I suggest talking to your GP.

I had a breakdown a few years back, like you I was smiling and saying I was ok but I wasn’t. I visited my GP after that very dark evening when I returned from work.

I was suffering with depression, I was prescribed anti depressants and was happy to take them, it was explained to me that it was the bodies chemical imbalance.

I came off the pills 6 months later because I felt myself again. A year after and I was back on them again, I put that down to seasonal affective disorder and took pills again for approx 4/5 months.

Try to keep positive, I know it’s hard.

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a tough time of it. I’ve had 3 episodes of depression but my last one was a very long time ago - over ten years ago. Usually I’m very aware of my triggers but this somehow seems to have crept up on me.

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By *hips n FursMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield

What interests do you have OP,apart from being on here. There are loads of groups out there,cinema,theatre,walking and so on. I think there are groups for just about every activity going. It's a way of meeting new people and striking new friendships up. The main thing is it will get you out of the house and socialising and in general enjoying yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suffer with aniexty and depression myself and I also think majority of time it's through lonelyness I been suffering last few days been going on long walks and trying watch comedies something to make me laugh and cheer me up try thinking of positives as well. Maybe you could find fab buddy that lives near you that you can do things together with at weekends

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By *ndonmaleMan
over a year ago

Preston

"I’m sorry to read your mood is low and getting worse. May I suggest talking to your GP.

I had a breakdown a few years back, like you I was smiling and saying I was ok but I wasn’t. I visited my GP after that very dark evening when I returned from work.

I was suffering with depression, I was prescribed anti depressants and was happy to take them, it was explained to me that it was the bodies chemical imbalance.

I came off the pills 6 months later because I felt myself again. A year after and I was back on them again, I put that down to seasonal affective disorder and took pills again for approx 4/5 months.

Try to keep positive, I know it’s hard.

I’m doing very well now.

Maybe you didn’t see the triggers if it was such a long time ago.

I sometimes wonder if those that suffer with depression are like The Hulk, he’s always angry but manages to control it from coming out. Maybe those with depression always have it but control it from taking over them. If this is the case it shows how strong all those sufferers are, not weak like some may think

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"]I am very aware that I don’t need someone but it would be nice to have someone. Doesn’t even have to be romantic, companionship is what I’m lacking.

I know what you mean,I'm in my garden listening to everyone around me. I spend too much time by myself.

I hope you feel better soon.

I’m sat in the flat, curtains closed.....can’t even bear to sea the sun today!

Sending a big hug. "

I have days like that as well the curtains stay closed,I don't even get dressed or washed and I hibernate from the world for the day. It may do you good if it's just the odd day.

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By *arpePinguisWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Well done for admitting it. Have a look at the Mind website for some useful tips. Talk to your GP too, your diabetes diagnosis could be contributing to how you are feeling at the moment. Lots of good advice about exercise, joining groups like Meetup etc but if you're hiding from everything at the moment, then perhaps your GP should be your first stop. I took a few months on tablets before I felt I could talk to a therapist, though it was a big help when I did.

As regards work, speak to your manager or HR for some guidance. Your company may buy in to a service for employees to get a listening ear by phone, and may also have an occupational health advisor who can chat to you privately with advice on handling work. In my experience, a shift to my working hours and access to a quiet room for my (late) lunch hour meant I coped much better when I would rather have been in bed. Good luck x

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

OP...if you click on reply and quote you won't need to paste anyones posts that you want to answer

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By *ndonmaleMan
over a year ago

Preston

"]I am very aware that I don’t need someone but it would be nice to have someone. Doesn’t even have to be romantic, companionship is what I’m lacking.

I know what you mean,I'm in my garden listening to everyone around me. I spend too much time by myself.

I hope you feel better soon.

I’m sat in the flat, curtains closed.....can’t even bear to sea the sun today!

Sending a big hug.

I have days like that as well the curtains stay closed,I don't even get dressed or washed and I hibernate from the world for the day. It may do you good if it's just the odd day."

Same, if I feel the triggers I usually need a slouch for a day or so.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/06/18 16:33:07]

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I thought it was

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

God bless yer. There’s nothing wrong with feeling like crap when you don’t really know why. Why don’t you put a meet request up but make it clear it’s not a sexual meet. There will be people nearby in similar positions and without the pressure of sex you could arrange a cinema date or meal out etc. I’d certainly be up for that if I saw something to that effect in my area.

Try not to dwell too much on the time spent alone, learn to live with your own company. I spend a lot of time on my own when I was used to a full house with four kids and a wife so to sit in a silent house is very weird to get used to.

Maybe join the odd club or take up a hobby to occupy your time and it’s a good way to meet people. Chin up, it will get better x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Maybe have a chat with your doc about how you feel.

Is it possible to organise to see family or friends sunday afternoon/evening ?

Hope you feel better soon x[

Sunday’s seem to be very much a “family” time for everyone around me. Have already spent some time with my folks today

and thank you x "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I’m sorry to read your mood is low and getting worse. May I suggest talking to your GP.

I had a breakdown a few years back, like you I was smiling and saying I was ok but I wasn’t. I visited my GP after that very dark evening when I returned from work.

I was suffering with depression, I was prescribed anti depressants and was happy to take them, it was explained to me that it was the bodies chemical imbalance.

I came off the pills 6 months later because I felt myself again. A year after and I was back on them again, I put that down to seasonal affective disorder and took pills again for approx 4/5 months.

Try to keep positive, I know it’s hard. "

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By *3xymamaWoman
over a year ago

Uptown Top Ranking

My fab friends have helped me through a really tough time. I haven't met to play for quite a while. But friends have text me and invited me out socially if even only for tea and cake. There are some really lovely caring people about x

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By *layfulserfMan
over a year ago

Northolt

You need to talk to your doctor

You also need to tell your family how you feel.

It sounds like your a strong person and I bet you are always there for every one else.

In my experience it is those that are strong for others that often need the help the most as their circle believes that they are strong and can cope.

Reach out to them just like you have reached out to us.

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin

Speak to your gp...

You could always find yourself a hobby for those down moments

I kinda know how you feel I’m also sitting at home on a Sunday (all weekend actually) with nothing to do. I moved away from my friends and family for work and the guy I’m sort of seeing lives about an hour away. I’m always the one that’s left single whilst all my friends are getting married and having babies and it does make you feel down... so I suppose it’s normal to feel like this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"God bless yer. There’s nothing wrong with feeling like crap when you don’t really know why. Why don’t you put a meet request up but make it clear it’s not a sexual meet. There will be people nearby in similar positions and without the pressure of sex you could arrange a cinema date or meal out etc. I’d certainly be up for that if I saw something to that effect in my area.

Maybe join the odd club or take up a hobby to occupy your time and it’s a good way to meet people. Chin up, it will get better x"

OP you’ve been through this before...so you know you can get through it again. Definitely make an appointment with your GP, explore your options (its not always pharmacological, talking therapies are really good for depression). But most of all just be kind to yourself, I’ve found being open & honest with my nearest a massive help x

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By *inkerbell67Woman
over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

From a medical point of view ,i really think you need to see your doc for a chat ,keep going on and off antidepressants is not going to help ,you really should stay on them they will help ,i have had depression since a teenager and its been a up hill battle but ive now found the correct tablets for me ,there are so many antidepressants out there you just have to find the right one ,talking about how you feel is the first step ,can always message me any time if you get really low xx

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

You're really young OP - you have time for all things, this too will pass!

With regard to the Type II diabetes - that's just insulin resistance and easily reversed with diet and exercise, I would recommend you look at the Diet Doctor website.

If you don't want to go on Anti-depressants check out St John's Wort, it works as well as synthetic medication for mild to moderate depression.

As someone suggested Meet-ups might be good in your area, but I would also suggest learning to dance - Swing Dancing or Ceroc or some form of partner dance which is great for socialising and gives you human contact too - a free hug with every dance sometimes!

Good luck!

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

[Removed by poster at 24/06/18 18:13:09]

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

Have you thought that your current mood might be due to your diabetes?

I appreciate you've been through a lot in life and you've clearly done exceptionally to get through it as well as you have.

The reason I suggest diabetes is that my ex mother in law was diagnosed with the same and it did affect her mental health.

Sadly I didn't like the woman much so didn't pay that much attention to the issue but from what I gathered your blood sugar levels have an impact on energy levels which will affect your mood.

I would talk to your doctor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sounds definatly your suffering with depression. I dobt wabt to repeat and state the obvious but talk to your gp see what options you have. In the meantime eat bananas ( this aint a joke) . They have a chemical which lifts your mood and make you happy. Alot of this can be down to nutrition issues...also 2 handfulls of al.onds a day have the same effect as prozac so give it a go. May i suggest you stay away from the things that are routine or put you down..maybe being on here is one? A switch up of habits could dramatically improve things...all the best and i wish you a quick and speedy turnaround x

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thanks for all your messages, on here and privately, it is very much appreciated.

Have spent the evening looking after myself and trying to do a few bits to make me feel a bit better.

Think I will definitely be going to the doctors this week, just to talk things through.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks for all your messages, on here and privately, it is very much appreciated.

Have spent the evening looking after myself and trying to do a few bits to make me feel a bit better.

Think I will definitely be going to the doctors this week, just to talk things through.

Xx"

Big hugs lovely glad we had our chat and I'm here for you any time even if you ended up giving me advice instead

and you know where I am if you need a break away xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stop comparing yourself with others. They aren't you.

Bergamot essential oil or candle lifts your mood.

It could be hormonal.

Stay off bookface.

Do.things that make you smile, spend time with ppl who make you smile.

Take comfort that its ok to wallow, but it changes nothing.

Be kind to yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, I’m so sorry to read that you’re feeling low, I do understand how you’re feeling and how hard it is.

Firstly; well done for opening up, its fantastic that you’ve said it, admitting it is so hard and doing it anywhere is the hardest step.

Secondly; there’s a lot of good advice on this thread, a lot of people have been through similar circumstances or emotions to yourself, what they’re saying does work, it’s also about what works for you.

Thirdly; be gentle with yourself, don’t kick yourself for being low. It happens. It’s ok to not be ok.

Asking for help is the hard part, putting your hand up is such a big thing, well done for resolving to do so.

If you need to talk then please feel free to message me, I’m sure there are plenty of others on here who have offered the same but you can never have too much support.

I hope you get the help you need OP, keep us posted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op, I hope you get through this. I have been quite lucky that I haven't been treated for depression. One thing I will say is you could try and go for a walk at the park; yes your still on your own, but a walk clears your head and your not thinking about problems all the time. If you think how I go on with waiting for the nhs to do something for me, (and I've been waiting 2 and half years now), the fact that I've kept myself busy working at a charity shop has helped me. Take care. X

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