FabSwingers.com forum: Advice please

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A quick question for you lot; my housemate is 21years old, and she's had a miscarriage at the end of March. (She seems ok, but that's another matter): she has thrown herself into work to take her mind off it, but as i listened to her spill her heart out, i thought i was ok. This has really fucked up my head. I cant talk or look at anyones baby these days, as i think of what could have been. So, i phoned the miscarriage association, but one thing that they said was being there for her. I just feel so helpless and not know if I should say to her 'talk to your doctor'. Last part, do any of you think that I did/not do anything better or worse? Thanks

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You're doing the right things. Keep an eye out for changes in moods, be there for her to talk to if she needs to. Suggest counselling if she feels she can't cope.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

She hasn't moved out yet then?

If she is still using you to support her you could gently sign post her to professional or even voluntary services such as the samaritans etc

Similarly if you need to off load about it by talking to someone you could use the same services.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Also, we cannot say wether or not you dud the right thing as we were not there. The fact she got through it and is trying to move on suggests your support was of help to her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Ok thanks for that

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think by being there as a friend and support is the most important thing... sometimes you don’t even have to be there to say anything...

Unfortunately she will have to grieve in her own time and in her own way... as long as she’s not displaying any major disturbing symptoms..

You could advice her to speak to her doctor if needed... but time will probably be what is needed..

Good luck sending hugs xxx

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Is this the same housemate you've talked about before?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope im not misreading and if i am then ignore this. You have to look after you too. If it has messed your head up be careful you are not projecting on to her. Maybe you need to speak to someone. Most places now you can get up to 6 free counselling sessions through your gp as well as the usual voluntary places. Being there and doing things for her isn't going to sort your head out if you are the one who can't look at babies etc.

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By *hips n FursMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield

"Is this the same housemate you've talked about before?"

Sounds like it...the one who was moving out and setting up on her own.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Tinkerbunny, thanks for that; will see if I get some help through doctors. If not then I'll ask Samaritans or Cruse bereavement.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I'm a bit confused. You seem to be grieving the loss but feeling that its her who needs help.

None of us can tell you if you gave her enough help or the right help but if she's getting on with her life and putting things behind her, it would appear that you did. Some women can recover very quickly from miscarriage, I did.

If you're experiencing grief, speak to a bereavement charity.

Best wishes.

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