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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

In a reflective mood... so my fellow forumites I place before you my topic.

I was playing 1:1 at a club on Friday, in one of the public rooms. Suddenly a group of 4 guys came in for a look and a cheeky touch....all good.....until they started talking to each other in their language (not English). My moment was gone, drier than the Sahara in an instance. Do you think it is respectful to chat in a foreign language in a club?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is disrespectful

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're part of the group, I'd find it incredibly disrespectful, and potentially dangerous in that sort of situation.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire


"In a reflective mood... so my fellow forumites I place before you my topic.

I was playing 1:1 at a club on Friday, in one of the public rooms. Suddenly a group of 4 guys came in for a look and a cheeky touch....all good.....until they started talking to each other in their language (not English). My moment was gone, drier than the Sahara in an instance. Do you think it is respectful to chat in a foreign language in a club? "

I don't think it's disrespectful, I would be speaking English if I was in a foreign club because I wouldn't have the confidence to speak the local language.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible."

Absolutely!! And I dont mind what they say as long as I understand it. I actually felt really uncomfortable... perhaps fearful even. Night was ruined

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Depends. If they're whispering it in my ear they can crack on and say what they like, as long as it sounds good

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible."

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about...

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about..."

Good question,I wonder...maybe it's my insecurities,maybe they were actually saying something negative. Neither of us know do we we weren't there,so you don't know they weren't in fairness.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about...

Good question,I wonder...maybe it's my insecurities,maybe they were actually saying something negative. Neither of us know do we we weren't there,so you don't know they weren't in fairness."

In the 12 years I've been in England and hearing foreign languages that thought haven't crossed my mind even once.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about..."

Quite often find if I talk in another language that some nosy bastard gets uppity because they can’t listen in to what’s being said

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about...

Good question,I wonder...maybe it's my insecurities,maybe they were actually saying something negative. Neither of us know do we we weren't there,so you don't know they weren't in fairness.

In the 12 years I've been in England and hearing foreign languages that thought haven't crossed my mind even once.

"

We're talking in the op's situation and as a woman,I'm not talking in the streets walking past a bunch of people not speaking English.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I live amongst many different foreign people, and hear many languages daily, so it wouldn't bother me. The tone and body language might make me wonder what they were taking about, and if my paranoia made me think it was derogatory ( or if in fact it was) , they wouldn't be coming anywhere near me, should they ask.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a reflective mood... so my fellow forumites I place before you my topic.

I was playing 1:1 at a club on Friday, in one of the public rooms. Suddenly a group of 4 guys came in for a look and a cheeky touch....all good.....until they started talking to each other in their language (not English). My moment was gone, drier than the Sahara in an instance. Do you think it is respectful to chat in a foreign language in a club? "

If the guys could speak English then I think they were incredibly rude. If they could not all speak English then what else would you expect them to do?

Maybe ask them if them could speak english ..? Presumably one of them could or they'd have done well to get in the club

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I worked in a school where the faculty spoke together in different languages. It's normal for me and I don't think about it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about...

Good question,I wonder...maybe it's my insecurities,maybe they were actually saying something negative. Neither of us know do we we weren't there,so you don't know they weren't in fairness.

In the 12 years I've been in England and hearing foreign languages that thought haven't crossed my mind even once.

We're talking in the op's situation and as a woman,I'm not talking in the streets walking past a bunch of people not speaking English. "

I was on a university trip to Poland, all my colleagues spoke English in the club in front of other girls or commenting on them when walking past a street too.

None of them were disrespectful, so why automatically assume us foreigners us?

I'm not saying it was ok in OP's situation but why is it always assumed we're being offensive?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a reflective mood... so my fellow forumites I place before you my topic.

I was playing 1:1 at a club on Friday, in one of the public rooms. Suddenly a group of 4 guys came in for a look and a cheeky touch....all good.....until they started talking to each other in their language (not English). My moment was gone, drier than the Sahara in an instance. Do you think it is respectful to chat in a foreign language in a club? "

I can see why. It’s a horrible feeling. My friends ex would talk to us in English an his friend in his language when we was all in the car. I hated it. Total disrespect

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about...

Good question,I wonder...maybe it's my insecurities,maybe they were actually saying something negative. Neither of us know do we we weren't there,so you don't know they weren't in fairness.

In the 12 years I've been in England and hearing foreign languages that thought haven't crossed my mind even once.

We're talking in the op's situation and as a woman,I'm not talking in the streets walking past a bunch of people not speaking English.

I was on a university trip to Poland, all my colleagues spoke English in the club in front of other girls or commenting on them when walking past a street too.

None of them were disrespectful, so why automatically assume us foreigners us?

I'm not saying it was ok in OP's situation but why is it always assumed we're being offensive?"

Human nature to fear what one doesn't understand?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about...

Good question,I wonder...maybe it's my insecurities,maybe they were actually saying something negative. Neither of us know do we we weren't there,so you don't know they weren't in fairness.

In the 12 years I've been in England and hearing foreign languages that thought haven't crossed my mind even once.

We're talking in the op's situation and as a woman,I'm not talking in the streets walking past a bunch of people not speaking English.

I was on a university trip to Poland, all my colleagues spoke English in the club in front of other girls or commenting on them when walking past a street too.

None of them were disrespectful, so why automatically assume us foreigners us?

I'm not saying it was ok in OP's situation but why is it always assumed we're being offensive?"

I can't answer that other than what I've already said,you'll have to ask all the others that have assumed they were being offensive. By the sounds of it there's been loads of people so ask them,then you'll have your answer.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think there's something unspoken going on here. When we meet people who talk a language we don't understand we quickly revert to reading body language. If that language is clearly friendly we assume they're saying something benign. If not we worry about what is being said. I think, from the ops reaction, the body language of these guys can't have been good. That's what sewed the seed of doubt

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Speaking from experience I’m guessing there will have been no malicious intent. When you’re multilingual you naturally talk in a particular language depending on who you’re talking to. You switch without realising and I expect that was the same for the ppl in the club. Sometimes a quick reminder that they’ve switched language is all they need. However, I can see how in certain situations it would be disconcerting, especially when you’re not multilingual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"If you're part of the group, I'd find it incredibly disrespectful, and potentially dangerous in that sort of situation."

I agree with this. I would find it unnerving and I'd probably leave. I'd have no way of knowing if they were discussing attacking me. They may be talking about the weather but in the situation stated in the OP I think it's intimidating and very disrespectful.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Speaking from experience I’m guessing there will have been no malicious intent. When you’re multilingual you naturally talk in a particular language depending on who you’re talking to. You switch without realising and I expect that was the same for the ppl in the club. Sometimes a quick reminder that they’ve switched language is all they need. However, I can see how in certain situations it would be disconcerting, especially when you’re not multilingual "

I don't think you can make the blanket assertion that a pack of 4 guys in a club wouldn't have malicious intent. I can very easily imagine a group of misogynistic beered up lads taking the piss

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By *heggMan
over a year ago

South Brum


"I don't think it's disrespectful, I would be speaking English if I was in a foreign club because I wouldn't have the confidence to speak the local language."

Unless you were in a Dutch club, where the locals definitely understand and probably speak better English than you'd hear in most English clubs.

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By *eal_curves_is_backWoman
over a year ago

London

As someone who is multilingual and will never miss a chance of language practice, I am frankly not bothered by anyone using any language anywhere. If they were being loud and distracting to the other people, they should have been asked to leave.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"Speaking from experience I’m guessing there will have been no malicious intent. When you’re multilingual you naturally talk in a particular language depending on who you’re talking to. You switch without realising and I expect that was the same for the ppl in the club. Sometimes a quick reminder that they’ve switched language is all they need. However, I can see how in certain situations it would be disconcerting, especially when you’re not multilingual

I don't think you can make the blanket assertion that a pack of 4 guys in a club wouldn't have malicious intent. I can very easily imagine a group of misogynistic beered up lads taking the piss "

Blanket assertion? I was merely offering an explanation from my experience, other explanations are equally as valid. I wasn’t there so I have no idea what their intent was.

OP do you know what language they were speaking?

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Normally not being able to understand the language would not bother me but I think in the situation you were in I would have felt uncomfortable and removed myself very quickly from the room.

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire


"Well you don't know what's being said do you so they could be saying something horrible.

Why is that the standard thought women go to?

Like we have nothing else to talk about...

Good question,I wonder...maybe it's my insecurities,maybe they were actually saying something negative. Neither of us know do we we weren't there,so you don't know they weren't in fairness.

In the 12 years I've been in England and hearing foreign languages that thought haven't crossed my mind even once.

"

I'm British and where I used to live had a high number of Eastern Europeans. When they walked down the street chatting to each other in their own language, I never once thought they were saying nasty things about the locals. In fact, it made me proud that these people chose to move there, they could have moved anywhere in Europe, but they chose my little part.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Native in benidorm must think the same.

Je vous baise

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By *alking DisasterWoman
over a year ago

South Oxfordshire


"I don't think it's disrespectful, I would be speaking English if I was in a foreign club because I wouldn't have the confidence to speak the local language.

Unless you were in a Dutch club, where the locals definitely understand and probably speak better English than you'd hear in most English clubs."

I think you completely missed my point.

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