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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count " Sure, i think it takes balls to do that. It certainly goes against the flow. | |||
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"I always wanted 4 or 5 then changed my mind when I realised a big country house, range rover and Labrador didn't come automatically. We stopped at 3, affordability isn't so much a problem but finding holidays and hotels is certainly more challenging. I think 2 children are probably the seen as the optimum number. Ginger " Yeah that's the kind of thing that makes me think - holidays and weekend activities. I think children are great so it's tempting to have another. Then i try to think rationally about keeping different age kids entertained etc. | |||
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"I never wanted any kids Never wanted to get married either, I was a selfish so and so when i was younger, far too busy enjoying myself... However, i succumbed to parenthood at 39 and am rather glad i did... i only have the one" Was it hard to get pregnant at 39? How long did you have to try for? | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count " I wanted children for a long while then made this decision also. I love children just other people's that can go home | |||
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"I never wanted any kids Never wanted to get married either, I was a selfish so and so when i was younger, far too busy enjoying myself... However, i succumbed to parenthood at 39 and am rather glad i did... i only have the one Was it hard to get pregnant at 39? How long did you have to try for?" I only ever got pregnant twice, the first time resulted in a miscarriage and 3 months later i fell pregnant with my son.. he was born 1 year after the miscarriage.. i only got married at 36 and came off the pill about a year after so we didn't try for too long | |||
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"I never wanted any kids Never wanted to get married either, I was a selfish so and so when i was younger, far too busy enjoying myself... However, i succumbed to parenthood at 39 and am rather glad i did... i only have the one Was it hard to get pregnant at 39? How long did you have to try for? I only ever got pregnant twice, the first time resulted in a miscarriage and 3 months later i fell pregnant with my son.. he was born 1 year after the miscarriage.. i only got married at 36 and came off the pill about a year after so we didn't try for too long" Unfortunately, miscarriage is way more common than most people realise. Anything from 20-50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage since a lot of them happen before people even realise they are pregnant. It's interesting that you didn't have any trouble at 39, good stuff! | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count I wanted children for a long while then made this decision also. I love children just other people's that can go home " This for me too. I never wanted a family of my own or marriage. | |||
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"I never wanted any kids Never wanted to get married either, I was a selfish so and so when i was younger, far too busy enjoying myself... However, i succumbed to parenthood at 39 and am rather glad i did... i only have the one Was it hard to get pregnant at 39? How long did you have to try for? I only ever got pregnant twice, the first time resulted in a miscarriage and 3 months later i fell pregnant with my son.. he was born 1 year after the miscarriage.. i only got married at 36 and came off the pill about a year after so we didn't try for too long Unfortunately, miscarriage is way more common than most people realise. Anything from 20-50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage since a lot of them happen before people even realise they are pregnant. It's interesting that you didn't have any trouble at 39, good stuff! " Turns out i only had a very small window of opportunity as when i turned 40 the perimenopause started so i always say it was meant to happen when it did | |||
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"I had my two kids at quite a young age. When I met Mr P 6 years ago we discussed having kids together. However together we made the decision that due to having no family nearby, finances, career choices , that in fact having two kids was enough. He’s a great step dad and I have never regretted our decision. " Have you ever known anyone that had one too many kids and did regret it? | |||
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"I always said I didn’t want kids until I was at least 30. I reached 30 and had an overwhelming urge to have a child. I had one then wanted another. I wanted a 3 year gap so I could spend time with each of them alone. It worked rather well I would do it that way again. There is no way I would have another now, I love my kids but want more me time in the near future " 3 years is a big gap to bridge for joint activities? I can't think of too much that an 8 year old and a 5 year old would both enjoy? | |||
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"I have 1. Took me a long time to get pregnant, and was in the initial stages of assisted conception when it happened. I also experienced a loss many years ago. I had a pretty crap pregnancy with numerous hospital admissions, and an awful labour, with my wee one needing to be rescuitated and support to breathe initially after an emergency section. Another pregnancy would be risky and it’s not a risk I’m willing to take. I do feel sad sometimes that she’s an only child and worry that she will be lonely, or resent the fact that she doesn’t have siblings. She loves babies and often asks why she doesn’t have brothers or sisters. That hurts my heart a little sometimes. " I seriously doubt that she will resent it long-term. All the only children i know, prefer it. | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count " Me too! | |||
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"We wanted two and have two. The first was planned the second was not. There is just 13 months between them, it was a struggle at first especially as we have moved around a fair bit when they were young and so had no family support but it did mean they have a close bond and looked after one another at school and in the long term the difficult bit of parent was over quickly." I'd imagined it sucked until they went to school and then became awesome! | |||
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"I am not at all maternal. My mum said only last week that she was surprised I’d had kids. I had my first at 35 and my second at 38. Both pregnancies unplanned. I had split with their father two weeks before I discovered I was pregnant with second child. Getting pregnant wasn’t an issue, although I think my ex was quite fertile as i’d got pregnant six months into the relationship but that resulted in miscarriage. There were difficulties through my last pregnancy and I was referred to foetal medicine and was under their care for 7 months of the pregnancy. Nobody said if that was an issue due to my age or just one of those things. My youngest child has suspected ASD symptoms and he has a diagnosed speech and language disorder. All being looked into by the Hospital. He is getting appropriate support at School. Nobody has mentioned whether the pregnancy issues are why he has ASD. It’s still a learning process for us at the moment. I do not regret my children, they are the best thing to happen to me, there are challenges, and I worry about what will happen to my youngest long term if I die, but I would not be without them. I also worry that my eldest is not getting as much attention because of my youngest’s issues, and some days it’s an emotional struggle. I know that if I were younger i’d have had more patience and have been less moody (currently peri menopausal) and feel less overwhelmed, but on the whole the good days outweigh any bad. They have a very close bond which is lovely to see. I found it hard adjusting my income to having a child, but by the second came along I was adept at managing my finances. You do just find a way. " Interesting, thanks for sharing that | |||
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"15 years between oldest and youngest is that a big enough gap " What the flip!? Same mum!? | |||
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"I always said I didn’t want kids until I was at least 30. I reached 30 and had an overwhelming urge to have a child. I had one then wanted another. I wanted a 3 year gap so I could spend time with each of them alone. It worked rather well I would do it that way again. There is no way I would have another now, I love my kids but want more me time in the near future 3 years is a big gap to bridge for joint activities? I can't think of too much that an 8 year old and a 5 year old would both enjoy? " Joint activities? A rare occurrence when you have one of each . They do so many activities weekends are a nightmare, cricket, football, ballet, cheerleading, riding, golf, drama, parties, play dates, netball etc etc. It’s mainly family events, things at home and holidays when they’re together. It’s actually as they get older than the 8/5 stage where it becomes tricky but you can find common ground | |||
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"I always said I didn’t want kids until I was at least 30. I reached 30 and had an overwhelming urge to have a child. I had one then wanted another. I wanted a 3 year gap so I could spend time with each of them alone. It worked rather well I would do it that way again. There is no way I would have another now, I love my kids but want more me time in the near future 3 years is a big gap to bridge for joint activities? I can't think of too much that an 8 year old and a 5 year old would both enjoy? Joint activities? A rare occurrence when you have one of each . They do so many activities weekends are a nightmare, cricket, football, ballet, cheerleading, riding, golf, drama, parties, play dates, netball etc etc. It’s mainly family events, things at home and holidays when they’re together. It’s actually as they get older than the 8/5 stage where it becomes tricky but you can find common ground " I remember taking a 4 year old nephew to a kids theme park. Then realising he couldn't go on 70% of the rides because he was like 15cm too short. That was quite a shock and stuck in my mind. | |||
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"I always wanted 2 kids, one of each. I had 2 boys so I had to have another as it was important for me to have a daughter. Thankfully she came along quite soon but I would of tried again had I of had another boy! I wouldn't change a thing but it was hard work having 3 kids so close in age and I do feel bad sometimes that I haven't spent masses of quality time 1-1 with any of them. " Interesting, so why was having a girl so important to you? | |||
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"I always said I didn’t want kids until I was at least 30. I reached 30 and had an overwhelming urge to have a child. I had one then wanted another. I wanted a 3 year gap so I could spend time with each of them alone. It worked rather well I would do it that way again. There is no way I would have another now, I love my kids but want more me time in the near future 3 years is a big gap to bridge for joint activities? I can't think of too much that an 8 year old and a 5 year old would both enjoy? Joint activities? A rare occurrence when you have one of each . They do so many activities weekends are a nightmare, cricket, football, ballet, cheerleading, riding, golf, drama, parties, play dates, netball etc etc. It’s mainly family events, things at home and holidays when they’re together. It’s actually as they get older than the 8/5 stage where it becomes tricky but you can find common ground I remember taking a 4 year old nephew to a kids theme park. Then realising he couldn't go on 70% of the rides because he was like 15cm too short. That was quite a shock and stuck in my mind. " You have to go to the right theme park for the age but luckily the eldest was soft so rides for the youngest worked for both. Now they both like bigger rides, but the eldest does a risk assessment before either of them get on a ride | |||
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"We would love to have another as we love babies. However, I'm self employed and childcare is already hard for us because I work crazy hours and Adam has a difficult shift pattern too. It's also not great for my career. Our youngest child is 8 this year so the age gap would be large and 3 children would be difficult when it comes to holidays etc. We decided that as much as we love kids, Two is perfect for us. We will just enjoy being auntie and uncle to babies ha ha. Eve. x" Rationally i know the right number for us. Irrationally i want more. | |||
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"Food for thought, it is recommended a minimum of 2 years between babies by medical professionals " Well that's physically best for the body but doesn't mean that's the easiest to raise afterwards! | |||
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"Food for thought, it is recommended a minimum of 2 years between babies by medical professionals Well that's physically best for the body but doesn't mean that's the easiest to raise afterwards!" What age difference do you think is easiest? | |||
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"Food for thought, it is recommended a minimum of 2 years between babies by medical professionals Well that's physically best for the body but doesn't mean that's the easiest to raise afterwards! What age difference do you think is easiest? " In all honesty i want to adopt a second and have literally zero age gap. I know it would be harder until 4 years, but after that i think it would be much easier. | |||
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"I always wanted 2 kids, one of each. I had 2 boys so I had to have another as it was important for me to have a daughter. Thankfully she came along quite soon but I would of tried again had I of had another boy! I wouldn't change a thing but it was hard work having 3 kids so close in age and I do feel bad sometimes that I haven't spent masses of quality time 1-1 with any of them. Interesting, so why was having a girl so important to you? " I lost my mum when I was young so missed out on the mother/daughter bond. | |||
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"Food for thought, it is recommended a minimum of 2 years between babies by medical professionals Well that's physically best for the body but doesn't mean that's the easiest to raise afterwards! What age difference do you think is easiest? In all honesty i want to adopt a second and have literally zero age gap. I know it would be harder until 4 years, but after that i think it would be much easier. " At the end of the day it’s about what you as a person feel is right for you. There are pros and cons at both ends of the spectrum when it comes to age difference. Maybe ask the forum about age differences between them and siblings. The impact it had on them might give you the kind of info you’re looking for | |||
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"We wanted two and have two. The first was planned the second was not. There is just 13 months between them, it was a struggle at first especially as we have moved around a fair bit when they were young and so had no family support but it did mean they have a close bond and looked after one another at school and in the long term the difficult bit of parent was over quickly. I'd imagined it sucked until they went to school and then became awesome!" No think it only became really easy when they reached their late teens/early 20s. One left home and the other finally sorted her life out and got a direction | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count Sure, i think it takes balls to do that. It certainly goes against the flow. " I'm the same, I decided my optimal number was 0 and stuck to it. I don't think I had "balls" to do it though. It was my choice. | |||
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"Food for thought, it is recommended a minimum of 2 years between babies by medical professionals Well that's physically best for the body but doesn't mean that's the easiest to raise afterwards! What age difference do you think is easiest? In all honesty i want to adopt a second and have literally zero age gap. I know it would be harder until 4 years, but after that i think it would be much easier. At the end of the day it’s about what you as a person feel is right for you. There are pros and cons at both ends of the spectrum when it comes to age difference. Maybe ask the forum about age differences between them and siblings. The impact it had on them might give you the kind of info you’re looking for " Yeah that would be a good thread | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count Sure, i think it takes balls to do that. It certainly goes against the flow. I'm the same, I decided my optimal number was 0 and stuck to it. I don't think I had "balls" to do it though. It was my choice." As _oxy_minx said, women who don't have children get an odd reaction from some people (i don't know why) | |||
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"We would love to have another as we love babies. However, I'm self employed and childcare is already hard for us because I work crazy hours and Adam has a difficult shift pattern too. It's also not great for my career. Our youngest child is 8 this year so the age gap would be large and 3 children would be difficult when it comes to holidays etc. We decided that as much as we love kids, Two is perfect for us. We will just enjoy being auntie and uncle to babies ha ha. Eve. x" I'm 8 years younger than my youngest brother and 10 years younger than my oldest brother. I think it was difficult with us growing up because of the age gap. They were good because they didn't spoil Santa, Tooth Fairy etc for me and I got to watch pre-approved older films | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count Sure, i think it takes balls to do that. It certainly goes against the flow. I'm the same, I decided my optimal number was 0 and stuck to it. I don't think I had "balls" to do it though. It was my choice. As _oxy_minx said, women who don't have children get an odd reaction from some people (i don't know why)" I've had the same reaction and the "you'll change your mind when you get older" conversations. I just don't think I've done anything special or "ballsy" by not having kids. | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count Sure, i think it takes balls to do that. It certainly goes against the flow. I'm the same, I decided my optimal number was 0 and stuck to it. I don't think I had "balls" to do it though. It was my choice. As _oxy_minx said, women who don't have children get an odd reaction from some people (i don't know why) I've had the same reaction and the "you'll change your mind when you get older" conversations. I just don't think I've done anything special or "ballsy" by not having kids." I think a significant minority of people get married and have children because they feel they should, but don't really want to. | |||
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"I decided my optimal number of children was 0 and stuck to it, does that count Sure, i think it takes balls to do that. It certainly goes against the flow. I'm the same, I decided my optimal number was 0 and stuck to it. I don't think I had "balls" to do it though. It was my choice. As _oxy_minx said, women who don't have children get an odd reaction from some people (i don't know why) I've had the same reaction and the "you'll change your mind when you get older" conversations. I just don't think I've done anything special or "ballsy" by not having kids. I think a significant minority of people get married and have children because they feel they should, but don't really want to. " I can say that with my last relationship, I was 26 when it started and I pointed out straight away that I didn't want kids, so if he did he needed to look else where, that is where everyone should start in any relationship if you have strong views/feelings ne way or the other | |||
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"Whilst I'm not looking for anyone to say that they regret their children - has anyone ever felt that having another child made things disproportionately more difficult because of age gaps with other children / being an older parent / stretching finances etc? Always wanted two and straight after the second one arrived booked in to the Vasectomy clinic job done no more kids lol How many people decided their optimal family size was small and stuck to it? " | |||
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"15 years between oldest and youngest is that a big enough gap What the flip!? Same mum!?" Yep | |||
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"15 years between oldest and youngest is that a big enough gap " I’m the eldest of 4, I’m 36 & have siblings that are 32, 22 & 19 | |||
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