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What if she's right?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll cross thst bridge when you come to it. Why worry about something that's not happened yet?

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

That wasn't a very kind thing to say and certainly wasn't a prophesy... only you are in control of your future, not some hateful email.

Make sure you prove her wrong.

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By *ercuryMan
over a year ago

Grantham

You only have one life, no dress rehearsal....so live your life how you want to! And live it well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

Well you have 22 years to make that change ,so cheer yourself up and get thinking and maybe make a list ( I love lists lol ) of what you want by that age . Think of it as a new start as from today ,you obviously feel you want more from your life so get on and make them changes . Xx

Mrs xx

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By *ocbigMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

...and having a high powered job..you hate, a family that hates you & being 56 would make you happy? We all have different' happies' your pictures look like you are not a person that defines themselves by others expectations (leap of judgement I admit, but...) so why start now? be yourself, follow your own path.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?

...and having a high powered job..you hate, a family that hates you & being 56 would make you happy? We all have different' happies' your pictures look like you are not a person that defines themselves by others expectations (leap of judgement I admit, but...) so why start now? be yourself, follow your own path."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?

Well you have 22 years to make that change ,so cheer yourself up and get thinking and maybe make a list ( I love lists lol ) of what you want by that age . Think of it as a new start as from today ,you obviously feel you want more from your life so get on and make them changes . Xx

Mrs xx "

With my Asperger's, it's hard to come up with what I want out of life. I did want to be an actor but I feel that ship has long sailed so I no longer want it.

There is one thing I would want and that is to have someone to love, understand and accept me for who I am and try not to change me but I'm not ready for that yet as I don't want my heartbroken again and have my love and trust thrown back in my face.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

Your not the Onley 1 with that fear.....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP...focus on you and take advice on the people who care for you and not of people making throw away knee jerk comments.

The fact you're thinking about what you want to do is a great start to achieving it.

Good luck

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

Mid life crisis only happens if you're filled with regret. Do what you want in life with no harm to no one and you'll enjoy your life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

Why would your ex’s mum send you an email? Strange

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You've just been honest and that's all you need to be. It's not ok to be stuck in a relationship just so that you're not alone. That is the saddest thing that can happen to someone, not being single.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?

Why would your ex’s mum send you an email? Strange "

I don't know but it was still a hurtful email.

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)


"With my Asperger's, it's hard to come up with what I want out of life. I did want to be an actor but I feel that ship has long sailed so I no longer want it.

There is one thing I would want and that is to have someone to love, understand and accept me for who I am and try not to change me but I'm not ready for that yet as I don't want my heartbroken again and have my love and trust thrown back in my face."

I have autism and spent many years friendless and loveless but then I found the perfect person who loves and accepts me exactly as I am - this will happen to you too. There is someone special out there for everyone and when you are ready it will happen. It obviously wasn’t going to work with your ex and for her mum to be so mean says a lot more about her than you. Embrace your uniqueness and let it shine your time will come x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. I haven't the ex's mum sending me stuff, but I have had two breakups that have broken me in the last seven months, and my longest relationship came to an end a year ago this weekend. I am also suffering depression, and my most recent break has seen my serotonin drop to bare minimum levels for the last five weeks.

Firstly, was there any reason for your exs mum to send you a message? Maybe there has been some false truths said to her, but if you can see anything at all that would provide such a reaction, change it for the better.

Second of all, are you doing something you enjoy for a job? If not, think about what you want to do, and how to do it. If you have been to uni, it might be difficult to get back again, but the open university have different ways to pay for their courses. Have a think what you want to do to make a living, and put yourself in a position where you feel happier in your working life

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

You say

"What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

So I'm guessing that this was what the ex"s mums email said about you ?

You're only 33 !! And So what if you get to 55 and have done nothing, didn't marry, no gf, no family etc the most important thing is to be HAPPY.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Then get on and live your life. Your ex and her mother are in the past. You have many years ahead of you, so live them for you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. I haven't the ex's mum sending me stuff, but I have had two breakups that have broken me in the last seven months, and my longest relationship came to an end a year ago this weekend. I am also suffering depression, and my most recent break has seen my serotonin drop to bare minimum levels for the last five weeks.

Firstly, was there any reason for your exs mum to send you a message? Maybe there has been some false truths said to her, but if you can see anything at all that would provide such a reaction, change it for the better.

Second of all, are you doing something you enjoy for a job? If not, think about what you want to do, and how to do it. If you have been to uni, it might be difficult to get back again, but the open university have different ways to pay for their courses. Have a think what you want to do to make a living, and put yourself in a position where you feel happier in your working life"

Apparently my ex said in a text when she dumped me days before Christmas that I had broken her heart for upsetting her mum over something which they seem to have took too literally. Her mum also said in the email that I would have been a crap husband and father if I had married her daughter.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"You say

"What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

So I'm guessing that this was what the ex"s mums email said about you ?

You're only 33 !! And So what if you get to 55 and have done nothing, didn't marry, no gf, no family etc the most important thing is to be HAPPY.

"

Being happy is easy but it's the thought of being alone I can't stand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?

I'm in a similar situation at the moment. I haven't the ex's mum sending me stuff, but I have had two breakups that have broken me in the last seven months, and my longest relationship came to an end a year ago this weekend. I am also suffering depression, and my most recent break has seen my serotonin drop to bare minimum levels for the last five weeks.

Firstly, was there any reason for your exs mum to send you a message? Maybe there has been some false truths said to her, but if you can see anything at all that would provide such a reaction, change it for the better.

Second of all, are you doing something you enjoy for a job? If not, think about what you want to do, and how to do it. If you have been to uni, it might be difficult to get back again, but the open university have different ways to pay for their courses. Have a think what you want to do to make a living, and put yourself in a position where you feel happier in your working life

Apparently my ex said in a text when she dumped me days before Christmas that I had broken her heart for upsetting her mum over something which they seem to have took too literally. Her mum also said in the email that I would have been a crap husband and father if I had married her daughter. "

And her Mum is always right??

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Prove her wrong but prove her wrong for you.

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)


"Apparently my ex said in a text when she dumped me days before Christmas that I had broken her heart for upsetting her mum over something which they seem to have took too literally. Her mum also said in the email that I would have been a crap husband and father if I had married her daughter. "

Whatever you did or didn’t say it seems you have both your ex and yourself from a life of misery so that has got to be a good thing? Move on with your life, be happy and the rest will come

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just when I thought couldn't feel depressed, this had to pop into my head.

I couldn't help but think back to what my last ex's mum said in that harsh email after her daughter dumped me a couple of years ago. I thought I'd long moved on but now I can't help but feel but think, what of she's right?

What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

Ultimately, you are responsible for your own happiness. Maybe start by getting some help with how you view yourself x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll cross thst bridge when you come to it. Why worry about something that's not happened yet?"

Because he has aspergers..

Thats what they do

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People say awful hurtful things when they’re angry and upset in order to try and hurt you too. My ex lashed out viciously when we split across all forms of social media and verbally too. She told me that I was useless, would never hold down a job and that I’d alienate everyone in my life.

It’s hard to hear words like that from someone that you loved or respected as the case may be.

All you can do is live your life and be the best person that you can be. Take their angry words with a big pinch of salt and move on.

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By *rkeb3Man
over a year ago

east Lancashire road

yes she could be right if u like having children and families

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"You say

"What if I do reach the age of 55 and regret doing nothing with my life and be all alone with no family of my own?"

So I'm guessing that this was what the ex"s mums email said about you ?

You're only 33 !! And So what if you get to 55 and have done nothing, didn't marry, no gf, no family etc the most important thing is to be HAPPY.

Being happy is easy but it's the thought of being alone I can't stand."

Yep your not alown thar op.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

There is some back story to what had happened. Despite being the relationship in only months, my ex wanted a baby and there is a reason behind it. 6 years ago, her brother was killed in a tragic motorway accident and since then, she and her mum have never got over his death so she must have thought that having a baby would replace what was lost.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is some back story to what had happened. Despite being the relationship in only months, my ex wanted a baby and there is a reason behind it. 6 years ago, her brother was killed in a tragic motorway accident and since then, she and her mum have never got over his death so she must have thought that having a baby would replace what was lost."

Is that what you said to them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I consulted the crystal ball and assuming that massive asteroid in 2026 misses us you shall be ceo of a medical company earning millions and loving live so wouldn’t worry about something someone once said in anger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have just accepted that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Really sad but can't even remember the last time I got a message from a friend.Just keep going op and prove her wrong.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"I consulted the crystal ball and assuming that massive asteroid in 2026 misses us you shall be ceo of a medical company earning millions and loving live so wouldn’t worry about something someone once said in anger "

Wot dus your crystal ball say about me ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd pay no heed to the words of some random woman who has no bearing or control over your life.

Grab a hold of you life and it's challenges, and forge your own destiny.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is some back story to what had happened. Despite being the relationship in only months, my ex wanted a baby and there is a reason behind it. 6 years ago, her brother was killed in a tragic motorway accident and since then, she and her mum have never got over his death so she must have thought that having a baby would replace what was lost.

Is that what you said to them?"

No. When she told me what she wanted, I think I only went along with it out of fear of her dumping me if I said no.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Seeside the most uncomplicated gent anyone could wish to meet, has a heart of pure gold but a little devilish streak buried very deep, waiting for the right person to push the button and set it alight.

Your dreams will be realised eventually but you aren’t asking the universe with enough passion that it will happen sooner rather than later.

A nice surprise is on the cards for this Sunday.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"Seeside the most uncomplicated gent anyone could wish to meet, has a heart of pure gold but a little devilish streak buried very deep, waiting for the right person to push the button and set it alight.

Your dreams will be realised eventually but you aren’t asking the universe with enough passion that it will happen sooner rather than later.

A nice surprise is on the cards for this Sunday.

"

Oooooo ok

And how did you no i got a little devilish streak buried very deep ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Seeside the most uncomplicated gent anyone could wish to meet, has a heart of pure gold but a little devilish streak buried very deep, waiting for the right person to push the button and set it alight.

Your dreams will be realised eventually but you aren’t asking the universe with enough passion that it will happen sooner rather than later.

A nice surprise is on the cards for this Sunday.

Oooooo ok

And how did you no i got a little devilish streak buried very deep ? "

can’t keep jumping on someone else’s post lol sorry x

The ball sees all

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"Seeside the most uncomplicated gent anyone could wish to meet, has a heart of pure gold but a little devilish streak buried very deep, waiting for the right person to push the button and set it alight.

Your dreams will be realised eventually but you aren’t asking the universe with enough passion that it will happen sooner rather than later.

A nice surprise is on the cards for this Sunday.

Oooooo ok

And how did you no i got a little devilish streak buried very deep ?

can’t keep jumping on someone else’s post lol sorry x

The ball sees all "

Ya your rite. Sorry op didn't meen to hi jak your post.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Seeside the most uncomplicated gent anyone could wish to meet, has a heart of pure gold but a little devilish streak buried very deep, waiting for the right person to push the button and set it alight.

Your dreams will be realised eventually but you aren’t asking the universe with enough passion that it will happen sooner rather than later.

A nice surprise is on the cards for this Sunday.

Oooooo ok

And how did you no i got a little devilish streak buried very deep ?

can’t keep jumping on someone else’s post lol sorry x

The ball sees all

Ya your rite. Sorry op didn't meen to hi jak your post. "

No worries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"There is some back story to what had happened. Despite being the relationship in only months, my ex wanted a baby and there is a reason behind it. 6 years ago, her brother was killed in a tragic motorway accident and since then, she and her mum have never got over his death so she must have thought that having a baby would replace what was lost.

Is that what you said to them?

No. When she told me what she wanted, I think I only went along with it out of fear of her dumping me if I said no."

Ahh ok

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks

What if she is right?

If you analyse what she's actually saying...she's trying to do you a favour

In her opinion, if you don't change something about your behaviour you are destined to alienate people.

I'm not saying she is right about you, but emotional attachments with Asperger's personalities are difficult for the other person involved...I know!

IMHO your answer is to deconstruct the details of her criticism & try to work out which parts of your behaviour she was referring to. Then you must decide whether you can accept (or truly understand) the consequences of that behaviour both to you & any others involved.

You also must appreciate that every action (or behaviour) has a consequence. That consequence may not be evident, foreseeable or be logical to you but nevertheless it will happen. You can 'learn' to anticipate consequences or put another way, the emotional responses of others' even if you don't experience them or understand them us NTs are very predictable

Is it really important whether she's right or is it more beneficial that you try to understand the basis of why she said what she did and decide for yourself through understanding if there is any merit in it?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What if she is right?

If you analyse what she's actually saying...she's trying to do you a favour

In her opinion, if you don't change something about your behaviour you are destined to alienate people.

I'm not saying she is right about you, but emotional attachments with Asperger's personalities are difficult for the other person involved...I know!

IMHO your answer is to deconstruct the details of her criticism & try to work out which parts of your behaviour she was referring to. Then you must decide whether you can accept (or truly understand) the consequences of that behaviour both to you & any others involved.

You also must appreciate that every action (or behaviour) has a consequence. That consequence may not be evident, foreseeable or be logical to you but nevertheless it will happen. You can 'learn' to anticipate consequences or put another way, the emotional responses of others' even if you don't experience them or understand them us NTs are very predictable

Is it really important whether she's right or is it more beneficial that you try to understand the basis of why she said what she did and decide for yourself through understanding if there is any merit in it?"

It could be she was doing me a favour or maybe she sent that email out of anger that they couldn't change me into what they wanted me to be and that I wasn't going to be her daughter's baby daddy.

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By *carlet_heavenWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the sticks


"What if she is right?

If you analyse what she's actually saying...she's trying to do you a favour

In her opinion, if you don't change something about your behaviour you are destined to alienate people.

I'm not saying she is right about you, but emotional attachments with Asperger's personalities are difficult for the other person involved...I know!

IMHO your answer is to deconstruct the details of her criticism & try to work out which parts of your behaviour she was referring to. Then you must decide whether you can accept (or truly understand) the consequences of that behaviour both to you & any others involved.

You also must appreciate that every action (or behaviour) has a consequence. That consequence may not be evident, foreseeable or be logical to you but nevertheless it will happen. You can 'learn' to anticipate consequences or put another way, the emotional responses of others' even if you don't experience them or understand them us NTs are very predictable

Is it really important whether she's right or is it more beneficial that you try to understand the basis of why she said what she did and decide for yourself through understanding if there is any merit in it?

It could be she was doing me a favour or maybe she sent that email out of anger that they couldn't change me into what they wanted me to be and that I wasn't going to be her daughter's baby daddy."

In that case...haven't you had a lucky escape & wouldn't your energy be better expended by focussing on moving forward, not looking back?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What if she is right?

If you analyse what she's actually saying...she's trying to do you a favour

In her opinion, if you don't change something about your behaviour you are destined to alienate people.

I'm not saying she is right about you, but emotional attachments with Asperger's personalities are difficult for the other person involved...I know!

IMHO your answer is to deconstruct the details of her criticism & try to work out which parts of your behaviour she was referring to. Then you must decide whether you can accept (or truly understand) the consequences of that behaviour both to you & any others involved.

You also must appreciate that every action (or behaviour) has a consequence. That consequence may not be evident, foreseeable or be logical to you but nevertheless it will happen. You can 'learn' to anticipate consequences or put another way, the emotional responses of others' even if you don't experience them or understand them us NTs are very predictable

Is it really important whether she's right or is it more beneficial that you try to understand the basis of why she said what she did and decide for yourself through understanding if there is any merit in it?

It could be she was doing me a favour or maybe she sent that email out of anger that they couldn't change me into what they wanted me to be and that I wasn't going to be her daughter's baby daddy.

In that case...haven't you had a lucky escape & wouldn't your energy be better expended by focussing on moving forward, not looking back? "

Yeah. That is what I've been doing my best to do but my mind sometimes can't help but think, what if?

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By *ocbigMan
over a year ago

Birmingham


"There is some back story to what had happened. Despite being the relationship in only months, my ex wanted a baby and there is a reason behind it. 6 years ago, her brother was killed in a tragic motorway accident and since then, she and her mum have never got over his death so she must have thought that having a baby would replace what was lost."

Now thats what I call weird.

No one can anticipate or judge others emotional response to tragedy...but...having a baby to 'replace' a brother? That is weird..(he says judgementally). No life can replace another, a son/daughter is not a replacement brother. How I feel about my son is a whole lot different to how I feel about my brother, so methinks you dodged a bullet there!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There is some back story to what had happened. Despite being the relationship in only months, my ex wanted a baby and there is a reason behind it. 6 years ago, her brother was killed in a tragic motorway accident and since then, she and her mum have never got over his death so she must have thought that having a baby would replace what was lost.

Now thats what I call weird.

No one can anticipate or judge others emotional response to tragedy...but...having a baby to 'replace' a brother? That is weird..(he says judgementally). No life can replace another, a son/daughter is not a replacement brother. How I feel about my son is a whole lot different to how I feel about my brother, so methinks you dodged a bullet there!"

Yeah. To further clarify her intentions, she wanted to name the baby after her brother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You'll cross thst bridge when you come to it. Why worry about something that's not happened yet?

Because he has aspergers..

Thats what they do"

I didn't know he had aspergers. My apologies

OP no one can live your life....only you. Your better off out of that relationship anyway if she wasn't on the same page. Wanting a baby only after a few months to fill a void is selfish of her. Your only 33...have a sit down and think what you want out of life. I changed my job at 40 after thinking this is going to be my job for the rest of mine so don't think it's ever too late to make changes. Concentrate on making yourself happy and doing what you enjoy and the right girl will come along and compliment that. Best of luck to you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Try not to stress out and overthink it.

You never know what's around the corner and this time next week you could possibly have found the true love of your life. You just never know

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