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Alcohol

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself.

Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar.

The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens.

She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes.

At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home.

She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally.

If she was your friend what would you do?

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By *ercuryMan
over a year ago

Grantham

She's obviously drinking for a reason. She needs to get rid of that reason out of her life.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Word was removed. Something she does lines of then.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"She's obviously drinking for a reason. She needs to get rid of that reason out of her life."

She was in a bad marriage. But that was done and dusted years ago. She was a drinker before him though.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues?

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By *ercuryMan
over a year ago

Grantham

As a friend,you can only be supportive. That doesn't mean you have to be understanding. Make it as clear as you possibly feel able to, of the dangers, health and otherwise.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

I think part of the problem is the people she surrounds herself with, that also love a drink and I wonder if that normalises it for her.

Also not great when she moved out of the marital home, she moved into a place a couple of hundred yards from a pub.

Thanks for your replies by the way.

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

My sons best friend was like this.. exceptionally clever, Was depressed after a breakup and started drinking. He tried to talk with him but very sadly it alienated him from us all. Eventually 2 years ago at Xmas he died alone in a hotel abroad at the age of 38.

His friends all tried he knew he had a problem but in the end it was down to him.

I would, however, be concerned about her driving and maybe you could talk with her about that. If she remains in denial I would contact police and let them deal with it. Sorry if that seems harsh but drink driving is out of order at any level to me.

She is already on the slippery slope to alcoholism see if you can get advice from AlAnon.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I tried to intervene or speak to someone over her drinking. I spoke to those type of people who go out of their way and spend their own time trying to help alcohol addiction. And it’s horrible but true, you can’t help them, they won’t believe your words when you say they have a problem.

They will only believe it when they realise they need to get help. It’s horrible to watch.

But I’m only talking about my own experience, you know your friend better, maybe bring you worries up with her, it maybe the light switch she needs.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues? "

Maybe counselling. During the day you’d think she was really together and fine. Maybe I’ve over estimated her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I knew someone in this same situation. It went on for several years, she had a few emergency visits to hospital, tried Antabuse (the pill that make you violently ill if you have a drink), kicked it (under medical supervision), had counselling a few times but always went back, and the last time she went back it got worse, the wine switched to Vodka, the amounts went up, and her ability to function finally started to crumble. She'd been in a well-paid and incredibly responsible local authority job but she was taking more and more sick leave, then was offered early retirement, so took it. By the end she could manage to leave the house to go to the corner shop for fags and vodka, and that was about it. Honestly, she was literally staring death in the face when she finally made last throw of the dice. She booked into a private rehab clinic, which cost about £10,000 for three months - she was lucky she had the cash, but it blew away most of her pension. Having seen her go through any number of attempted dry-outs I had no confidence that much would change this time.... but there's a happy ending. All this was three years ago, she hasn't had a drink since, is now happy and productive, has mended (up to a point) a lot of her badly damaged family relationships, and has a worthwhile job that she enjoys.

The message, I think, is that you can't change your friend. She has to decide to change for herself - and, if she's anything like most people in this situation, she have to come to some kind of crisis point, or 'hit rock bottom', before she does.

If she does decide to change, the important thing is not just to stop drinking but to realise that drink was filling a hole in her life and that hole will need to be filled by something else. My friend only made it for the years following her rehab by becoming a member of AA. I got to know a bit about AA through her, and I really dislike a lot of the philosophy but it worked for her and that's all that counts. Hope this helps a bit? Feel free to message me if you want to talk any more. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nothing you say will change your friend or anyone.

They need to want to change first.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues?

Maybe counselling. During the day you’d think she was really together and fine. Maybe I’ve over estimated her. "

A lot depends on how much insight she has. If she knows she has a problem going to see a therapist who deals with addiction issues and can discuss the roots of it all would probably help.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having been married to an alcoholic and also have a close family member who is one, i would say there is very little you could do to help her..

It seems she thinks, if she drove herself home, that she doesn't have a drink problem and unless she can be convinced otherwise your concern will fall on deaf ears

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues? "

That's not always the case. Sometimes habits form and become an issue without even thinking about it. I've seen myself go from a glass or two of wine a night to 2/3 bottles a night over the space of a few weeks. Breaking that cycle and routine can be tricky but is doable.

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By *iffaWoman
over a year ago

wherever

Does she drink like this a lot? Could she have an addiction? Or is she trying to block out reality?

I e learned you can’t help people who don’t want help though

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By *apstarMan
over a year ago

Harpenden

Im Chris I'm 30 and a recovering addict . I havnt drank or taken any drugs since 24 Aug 2016... you can give somone all the help and support in the world but if they don't want 2 give up than they won't.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Oh wow I’m blown away by your replies. Thanks everyone for taking the time. And you guys admitting you have or have had problems, I appreciate your honesty

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By *appy squirrelWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

yes she has to want to change herself- but it doesn't help if people around her normalise it. that way she can continue to ignore the fact she has an issue. don't pressure her but make her aware that you know there is an issue. how you can do this depends on your relationship. I have once gone through the criteria for alcohol abuse with someone and it scares the shot out of them that them had to answer yes to all of them...good luck!!

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By *apstarMan
over a year ago

Harpenden

I d*unk 2 drugs too block things out and hide from all the shit that had or was going on ... it took me ages 2 realise it wasn't the answer and the shit I was hiding from was still there ...

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

So no one else thinks it’s normal or appropriate to drink that much and then say ten hours later drive.

Neither of us do, but I was interested to know what others thought. She must still be very over the limit. Sir even thinks drinking daily like this, she’s probably always going to show alcohol.

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By *ercuryMan
over a year ago

Grantham

It's getting to be more of a hidden middle class problem. Drinking at home during the daytime because of boredom/problems/addiction etc. Pubs being open nearly all day and supermarkets selling cheap booze only normalises it.

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By *hips n FursMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield

I had a drink problem in my twenties,I had no issues I was hiding from. I would drink because I enjoyed it,but it ended up taking over my life. You know it's bad when you have a bottle of vodka in your bedside cabinet,well that was me. At the grand old age of 27 I realised I had to stop or end up dead. I'm now 53 and still kicking,but you've got to want to do it I'm afraid.

I hope your friend realises one day and helps herself to quit. Best thing I ever did.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So no one else thinks it’s normal or appropriate to drink that much and then say ten hours later drive.

Neither of us do, but I was interested to know what others thought. She must still be very over the limit. Sir even thinks drinking daily like this, she’s probably always going to show alcohol."

It depends is the short answer. People can and do process alcohol at varying rates although this can depend on the amount d*unk also, I think the "rule of thumb" is around 8 hours after the last drink before the body has excreted the vast majority of alcohol from the blood.

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"Essentially people who drink or take drugs to excess do it because they want to escape from themselves. Has she ever had any treatment for mental health issues?

Maybe counselling. During the day you’d think she was really together and fine. Maybe I’ve over estimated her. "

Often the people who seen the most fine & together are falling apart under the surface. It’s like a veneer, to avoid those conversations.

I would say she needs some support, even if she can’t see it herself yet. It’s a tough place to be & as a friend, you may need a thick skin. I am rotten to my best friend when I’m really low, because I know she doesn’t fall for my bullshit ‘I’m fine’ routine & because she challenges me. So I’m really snappy & abrupt with her & get really defensive. But thankfully she’s amazing & I’d be lost without her.

Good luck OP xx

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"So no one else thinks it’s normal or appropriate to drink that much and then say ten hours later drive.

Neither of us do, but I was interested to know what others thought. She must still be very over the limit. Sir even thinks drinking daily like this, she’s probably always going to show alcohol."

Not on a regular basis & not driving the next day if she didn’t need to. I can drink 3 bottles of wine, or half a bottle of gin if I’m out on a sesh with my mates, but I’ll feel like crap the next day & wont be in any fit state to drive!! I also couldn’t drink for a good few days after it either!! (And I can hold my drink!)

That added to the other recreational habit she’s got & there’s definite an issue xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So no one else thinks it’s normal or appropriate to drink that much and then say ten hours later drive.

Neither of us do, but I was interested to know what others thought. She must still be very over the limit. Sir even thinks drinking daily like this, she’s probably always going to show alcohol."

I think your supposed to give at least 24 hrs to believe it’s completely out of your system. That’s assuming the levels of alcohol you’ve suggested.

I know if I’m on the piss, the morning after, I would be way over the limit still. It’s wrong, and irresponsible.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Im Chris I'm 30 and a recovering addict . I havnt drank or taken any drugs since 24 Aug 2016... you can give somone all the help and support in the world but if they don't want 2 give up than they won't. "

Well done you and I agree with you. I lost my brother to drugs 8 years ago. They have to want to help themselves or hit rock bottom in order to change. x

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By *apstarMan
over a year ago

Harpenden


"Im Chris I'm 30 and a recovering addict . I havnt drank or taken any drugs since 24 Aug 2016... you can give somone all the help and support in the world but if they don't want 2 give up than they won't.

Well done you and I agree with you. I lost my brother to drugs 8 years ago. They have to want to help themselves or hit rock bottom in order to change. x"

I'm sorry 2 hear about ya brother is horrible watching someone you love and care about go through it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tricky situation to be in OP.

As mentioned above, you can give advice as much as you like, but it's down to them to deal with the problem and by the sounds if it she does have an alcohol problem.

It's the drink/drug driving aspect which worries me. If you can't persuade her to cut down drinking or get a taxi instead. I would inform the Police or Crimestoppers (done anonymously) I couldn't sit by and think what happens if they've caused an accident and then......

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would definitely report her to the police for d*unk driving. Sounds like they could stop her any morning of the week and she'd be over the limit.

I agree with everyone else that she has to want to change. I would walk away.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself.

Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar.

The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens.

She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes.

At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home.

She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally.

If she was your friend what would you do?"

You can buy an alcohol tester for under £10. Maybe it would change her mind about driving if you bought her one, and she can see how much over the limit she is when she gets in her car? She might just be in denial over how d*unk she is the morning after.

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By *he Devils Daughter!Woman
over a year ago

some where in yorkshire

Due to my job I work with alcoholics n they are very self conscious about it n like to hide it but until they ask for help there’s nothing u can do as they always cover it up ... hope ur mate gets the help she or he needs OP , if u need any more advice don’t hesitate to contact me x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself.

Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar.

The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens.

She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes.

At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home.

She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally.

If she was your friend what would you do?"

Talk but don't patronise. Talking is awesome

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself.

Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar.

The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens.

She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes.

At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home.

She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally.

If she was your friend what would you do?"

Would your friend still come round to yours if there was no booze?

By letting her get leathered in yours you are kind of condoning it.

I've been in a similar situation with a heavy drinking friend of mine. Until someone pointed out that it wasn't helpful to go drinking with an alcoholic.

I'm not saying cut ties with your friend. But maybe suggest doing things that aren't drink related.

You sound like a good friend and you are trying to help her. I know how hard it is to watch someone self destruct.

As everyone else has said she won't change until she wants to. But in the meantime try not to enable her drinking.

Let her know your always there for her but not there to prop up her drinking.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself.

Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar.

The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens.

She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes.

At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home.

She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally.

If she was your friend what would you do?

Would your friend still come round to yours if there was no booze?

By letting her get leathered in yours you are kind of condoning it.

I've been in a similar situation with a heavy drinking friend of mine. Until someone pointed out that it wasn't helpful to go drinking with an alcoholic.

I'm not saying cut ties with your friend. But maybe suggest doing things that aren't drink related.

You sound like a good friend and you are trying to help her. I know how hard it is to watch someone self destruct.

As everyone else has said she won't change until she wants to. But in the meantime try not to enable her drinking.

Let her know your always there for her but not there to prop up her drinking. "

Yes I agree with what you’re saying. It does seem that I can’t actually have her company at home without being complicit. And if she ever left ours and had an accident, I’d never forgive myself, knowing what I do.

I will try and change the way we see each other, though I’m doubtful that would be alcohol free, even if I / we didn’t drink. But yes it might be worth a try to break the cycle of how she spends time with friends.

I’m actually a bit afraid of broaching this with her. As in, I think she’s in denial about the problem.

As I said, she is surrounded by people both in and out of work that heavy drink from what I can tell. She is in a sales role where she entertains people, men mostly if not exclusively. Her company will pay for her to take customers out on the lash. It also sounds like her colleagues are also all drinkers. They attend sales meetings with hangovers from staying over the night before.

The local pub it seems has been losing customers, because of a drugs problem. She told me at the weekend that the regulars no longer go there because they are worried after sinking 3/4 pints the police will catch them. On top of that, she’s made a new friend with another local lady. Apparently this lady works in the City (London) and also likes a drink. To the point my friend has had to help her home and help her in her own house, because this lady couldn’t find put the key in the lock. My friend laughed that this lady had spent a few nights on a bench outside because of this.

Bloody worrying isn’t it. I don’t want her to hurt herself or anyone else.

To complete a bit more of the background, my friends father was an alcoholic many years ago. I believe he’s been dry a long time now. And she had a terrible decision to make in the last throes of her marriage to abort a baby; her partner was a violent man.

She is my friend so I need to have a long hard think what to say.

I like the breath test suggestion thank you. Not sure how accurate they are though.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Sorry tried to private message you. Try looking at the Al anon website, it's for friends and family of alcoholics.

I've also found Mumsnet useful in the past. They have support threads on pretty much anything you can imagine and lots of useful advice. They have a bit of a twee image but some if the stuff on there is really out there and wouldn't be out of place on here!

(And really handy when you wake up at 3am with something on your mind and need to vent!)

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By *lanPartridgeMan
over a year ago

nottingham

I think if more people saw videos of themselves d*unk, when they think they're being hilarious or a little bit edgy, they'd realise it doesn't look that great. Speaking as someone who can pull a cork on occasion. Ahem. More seriously: it's often self medication, and yes I've done that too.

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By *ig1gaz1Man
over a year ago

bradford

someone I know is the same enough so he did drive in the morning after a belly full the night before.

only difference he had s light bump and got caught he got banned from driving for 12 months had to cycle to work rain or shine.

he also nearly lost his job as it included driving but had worked with the company for years.

this was the only thing that saved him his job but he got reduced from that to now working in the factory instead its taken nearly 2 years for them to allow him to drive the companys vehicles

there was a few of us saying cool it off, found him many a time asleep in garden.

hes also still the same now after all that and still gets warnings to cool it off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anybody who drives home d*unk from my house won't be drinking here again.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Step 1

Admitted you were powerless over alcohol,an your life had become unmanageable.

AA probably saved my life , problem is you have to want to stop first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's very hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped unfortunately. Has to come from inside before any external help can be properly accepted.

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By *lanPartridgeMan
over a year ago

nottingham

Maybe if she tried a non vanilla lifestyle she might shift focus? Sometimes you just have to move stuff around ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's very hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped unfortunately. Has to come from inside before any external help can be properly accepted. "

Yes this. X x

I am very sorry but there is nothing whatsoever you can do to help her. If she wanted to give up alcohol and white stuff then she would have a try. I appreciate very well that it's extremely difficult for people to give these things up but it has to come from her.

Don't invite her again, she was clearly not fit to drive when she left your house, if she killed someone on the way home how would you feel. Tell her so.

Put yourself first, you can't help her

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

I came across a term recently that may fit your friend - a "functional alcoholic".

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"Maybe if she tried a non vanilla lifestyle she might shift focus? Sometimes you just have to move stuff around ..."

Exchanging one addiction for another hey.

Far more sex addicts here than we like to admit, same as a lot of alcoholics prefer not to admit they have an addiction.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone with a drinking problem will have there own set of moral high grounds

I haven't drink drove

I haven't been arrested

I haven't drink drove with my kids in the car

I haven't been in hospital because of drink

I haven't been to prison

You can add to that list ad infinitem .

Carry on drinking and that goes out of the window.

I don't care if I break my own anonymity, the advise I had to help me stop drinking was given to me freely. If I can help anyone thru sharing my own experience with alcohol addiction I'm happy to help .that's step 12 in action

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You wouldn’t be a good friend if you see this as a problem and didn’t try to help. I’ve witnessed a few good friends over the years succumb to various addictions and die long before their time. The problem is it usually falls on deaf ears and can drive a wedge in the relationship. I found a very good friend of mine dead of an overdose 5 years ago. He was 27!

I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I hope you can help your friend out x

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By *lanPartridgeMan
over a year ago

nottingham


"Maybe if she tried a non vanilla lifestyle she might shift focus? Sometimes you just have to move stuff around ...

Exchanging one addiction for another hey.

Far more sex addicts here than we like to admit, same as a lot of alcoholics prefer not to admit they have an addiction."

I agree that could happen, but not necessarily. It might be a replacement by something more manageable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If it were my friend, I’d be talking to her quickly to find out what’s happening. I work with alcoholics and it’s not a good life to lead.

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By *egs11ABCWoman
over a year ago

Aberdeen


"Nothing you say will change your friend or anyone.

They need to want to change first."

I agree with this. My mum was am alcaholic. All i remember from.my.teemage uears from 12 onwards was putting her to bed cleaning up after her, oit.lookong for her in the middle of the night. She was in and out of a phsyciatric hospital. She wdnt stop for me or my siblings, got caught d*unken driving, nearly caused me.to jabe a misscarraige and didn't change for her grandkids. A colleague jist told.me.the other day that working with her for 25 years he never knew cos at work she was immaculate. She ruined every family party/wedding/ holiday and was a horrible nasty d*unk. She was my mum and i loved her and she would have given me her last penny. She finally died 9 years ago when ironically she stopped. I cant believe the length we went to but as u say she didn't want the help. I feel for u OP cos all u can do is watch from the sidelines and be there for her if she decides she needs help x

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By *apstarMan
over a year ago

Harpenden


"If it were my friend, I’d be talking to her quickly to find out what’s happening. I work with alcoholics and it’s not a good life to lead. "

I'm a recoving addict who is over months clean but going through he'll atm .. have u been doing it long .

I want 2 say thanks you from the bottom of my heart cos if it wasn't for people like u I wouldn't be clean x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The thing I forgot to mention in my post above - if she's drinking heavily every day (you say three bottles of wine - if that's what she's told you, there's a very strong chance her actual intake is a lot higher, because chances are she's lying to you and herself about how much she actually drinks...) It can be very dangerous to just suddenly stop, can cause severe withdrawl symptoms which can even be life-threatening. If she's going to dry out she needs to do it under medical supervision - her GP will sort it. Again, of course, it needs to be something she decideds she wants/needs to do... x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont drink due to the fact i need to be in control of myself and my thoughts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The thing I forgot to mention in my post above - if she's drinking heavily every day (you say three bottles of wine - if that's what she's told you, there's a very strong chance her actual intake is a lot higher, because chances are she's lying to you and herself about how much she actually drinks...) It can be very dangerous to just suddenly stop, can cause severe withdrawl symptoms which can even be life-threatening. If she's going to dry out she needs to do it under medical supervision - her GP will sort it. Again, of course, it needs to be something she decideds she wants/needs to do... x"

Its not easy to get a detox thru a gp, drugs and alcohol services I went to were a waste of time, drinks diary's,try to cut down on units.

I drank to the point of black out , unconsciousness every day. Remembering where I'd been was a haze , let alone writing down what I'd drank?

One drink was too many, a litre of vodka , probably not enough.

Rehab cost me 6 grand for 28 days,first week spent knocked out on diazis to safely withdraw, alcohol can and does kill people thru withdrawal just going cold Turkey, haven't touched a drink since .

Today I'm a greatful alcoholic , life's shit at times but I know a drink won't make anything better

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

She sounds great to me. Any chance of her number

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By *inkywife1981Couple
over a year ago

A town near you


"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself.

Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar.

The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens.

She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes.

At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home.

She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally.

If she was your friend what would you do?"

I think women are becoming the silent alcoholics, we come from a country with a huge drink culture (Ireland) however in the past and growing up people drank in the pub and went home when the had enough, it closed or they ran out of money lol but now people can buy crates of beer or bottles of wine in the supermarket and its lying about the kitchen so drinking it becomes as normal as drinking tap water almost. People are forgetting that drinking was/is a social activity not something to do at home alone until you pass out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Running a pub, I get this all the time, I have before now, taken someone's car keys off them.

I get told all their woes as they cry into their pints or glass of wine.

I often suggest that getting d*unk is not an answer ( I have been there previously) and that what ever the issue is, will only be masked , it will still be there when they sober up.

Though I hated to do it, I have for someone's own good reported them for drink driving, sometimes it is that wake up call that they actually need

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham

Having a close friend who lost his 8yr old daughter to a drink driver . I’d ring the police the next time she got in a car . No messing

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham


"Running a pub, I get this all the time, I have before now, taken someone's car keys off them.

I get told all their woes as they cry into their pints or glass of wine.

I often suggest that getting d*unk is not an answer ( I have been there previously) and that what ever the issue is, will only be masked , it will still be there when they sober up.

Though I hated to do it, I have for someone's own good reported them for drink driving, sometimes it is that wake up call that they actually need"

Totally agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Pass my number on, she sounds right up my street

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCple OP   Couple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Pass my number on, she sounds right up my street "

What a shitty thing to say.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you have any joy getting your friend some help op ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes me again moaning about alcohol again! Truth be known, I love a drink or two myself.

Now to my mind we are definitely one of those countries with a drinking culture, which makes those among us who drink a bit or a lot too much, slip under the radar.

The lady im going to write about is a friend. A vanilla friend, definitely not on fab. Known her over ten years and she’s always been the same, but as she’s getting older, I wonder how long can she go on before something happens.

She’s a slim lady, just turned 40 and will daily drink I think about 3 bottles of strong red wine. She is no stranger to falling over, been unable to speak properly, dropping glasses putting herself in danger of cuts. She’s told me that several times she’s fallen asleep in bushes.

At the weekend she came and stayed Sat night, drank the above quota and before we knew she was even awake, got up the next morning and driven home.

She’s got a decent job and I wonder if this convinces her that everything is okay. As her friend I worry two fold. One that she will get caught for drink driving and lose her job; she may even become involved in an accident, and to that end I feel responsible for not getting up earlier to at least convince her to eat breakfast before she left. She eats very little. And Two, just how much longer her health will cope with this daily ritual of booze and fags and she also admitted to doing at the weekend occasionally.

If she was your friend what would you do?"

I wanted to reply privately to state where my evidence is from, nevertheless I will simply state, she may fall, bang her head and hemorrhage.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is a very difficult situation as your friend is probably in denial. I had a very similar friend who would not listen to the gentlest suggestion to drink less and would become very defensive. Sadly she died of pancreatic and liver cancer last year. Unless she admits there's a problem I'm at a loss to know what to suggest. I agree the British drinking culture doesn't help because she has the excuse that everyone's doing it.

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