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Consent

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I heard it talked about on the radio yesterday as I was going about my business and I think it has raised an interesting question.

As swingers do you actively seek consent or do you feel that it’s something that is implied? Do the ladies expect guys to seek it? In clubs and certain scenarios would you expect consent to be sought?

I find that this also opens up debate about gender bias and sexual roles as well as questions about consent.

I’m going to throw this out to you lovely folks to see what you think

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Yes definitely. No one touches me without prior agreement.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Yes definitely. No one touches me without prior agreement. "

I agree, but I’ve had women come up to me in clubs and touch me without me wanting them to

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

One of my big bug bears is alcohol and clubs. Seen too many times people, usually women not just tiddly or pissed but d*unk to the point of not been able to stand.

I mooted this point recently to a guy about one particular club that he claimed was his favourite. He replied back that recently a very pissed up woman had a gang bang there with her partner looking on.

Personally I only play where either I or Sir have consented for a person to touch. And in reverse I wouldn’t dream of laying a finger on anyone unless I had their consent. But there’s a few cocky and presumptuous idiots, men and women that think it’s okay to force themselves on you. I find their arrogance completely off putting.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Yes definitely. No one touches me without prior agreement.

I agree, but I’ve had women come up to me in clubs and touch me without me wanting them to"

Ah, yes ‘tweakers’. They must think you’re hot to trot!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes definitely. No one touches me without prior agreement.

I agree, but I’ve had women come up to me in clubs and touch me without me wanting them to"

This has happened to me, and I assume most others, in ordinary pubs and nightclubs all my life.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes definitely. No one touches me without prior agreement.

I agree, but I’ve had women come up to me in clubs and touch me without me wanting them to

This has happened to me, and I assume most others, in ordinary pubs and nightclubs all my life. "

By men, I should add. It's not ok for anyone to do it in my book.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Yes definitely. No one touches me without prior agreement.

I agree, but I’ve had women come up to me in clubs and touch me without me wanting them to"

That’s rude and disrespectful!!!

I always ask, and if playing with single men I ask what they are looking for and rules BEFORE! I don’t want to be touched by anyone I haven’t talked to and consented with before . My worse experiences have been females thinking they can just touch! CONSENT!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Woman have been worse for it in my opinion. Had woman grab my boobs in the hot tub at chams when I berated them I got told well I've seen you with other woman

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

when I see this kind of thing I always think to the ‘tea consent’ video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anyone not seeking consent is asked if they'd like 54 bones in their hands rather than the standard 27 they come with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't dream of touching anyone without say so. I detest being touched by randoms.

I struggled with knowing how or when to ask in a club environment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In writing

In triplicate

Noterised by an independent third party please

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have thought it was just common decency to not touch without asking?

I'd never presume to lay a finger on anyone unless I had permission. And would expect the same in return.

I like personal space and anyone who invades that would get told!!!

Another good reason not to attend clubs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Although I haven't been to a club in years, when I did go, the common courtesy was always to ask.

You wouldn't do it in the real world, so why would it be any different in a club.

As for alcohol, sorry but I would never go near someone that was that d*unk

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By *exyspecs and supermanCouple
over a year ago

A house, a very big house in the country

Consent is paramount surely?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I heard it talked about on the radio yesterday as I was going about my business and I think it has raised an interesting question.

As swingers do you actively seek consent or do you feel that it’s something that is implied? Do the ladies expect guys to seek it? In clubs and certain scenarios would you expect consent to be sought?

I find that this also opens up debate about gender bias and sexual roles as well as questions about consent.

I’m going to throw this out to you lovely folks to see what you think

"

Interested on why you think there would be any scenario where sexual contact did not require consent? In my book, consent is never implied and it would be astonishingly idiotic to assume otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We all have a mouth and its primary use is for communication.... so yup consent first and foremost. Respect must be given and not merely implied (or inferred).

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By *exyspecs and supermanCouple
over a year ago

A house, a very big house in the country


"Although I haven't been to a club in years, when I did go, the common courtesy was always to ask.

You wouldn't do it in the real world, so why would it be any different in a club.

As for alcohol, sorry but I would never go near someone that was that d*unk"

I've left a meet because he was dr*nk....worst experience ever from here

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As a feminist commented on a recent trail, where the accused had argued there was "implicit consent":

"Hey guys, aim for enthusiasm rather than consent."

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely!! Hate the idea of people thinking they can just touch when they want

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing?

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing? "

You’re potentially in for a lot of trouble, which is why I can’t understand the lax attitude some clubs have.

Gangbang woman wakes up next morning with big hangover and thinks, well I never consented to that. Calls police who then do what ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing? "

Happened to a friend of a friend.

When the videos of said women surfaced begging to be fucked harder, the resultant case was dropped, but by that time the mud had stuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing?

You’re potentially in for a lot of trouble, which is why I can’t understand the lax attitude some clubs have.

Gangbang woman wakes up next morning with big hangover and thinks, well I never consented to that. Calls police who then do what ? "

How many Police women are they sending?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing? "

Then it's your word against theirs if they choose to take it further.

It's no laughing matter.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing?

You’re potentially in for a lot of trouble, which is why I can’t understand the lax attitude some clubs have.

Gangbang woman wakes up next morning with big hangover and thinks, well I never consented to that. Calls police who then do what ?

How many Police women are they sending?"

One or two to interview the victim. And as many needed to attend the club and gleam the names of everyone there, either in the frame or as eye witnesses.

Sounds fun huh

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I heard it talked about on the radio yesterday as I was going about my business and I think it has raised an interesting question.

As swingers do you actively seek consent or do you feel that it’s something that is implied? Do the ladies expect guys to seek it? In clubs and certain scenarios would you expect consent to be sought?

I find that this also opens up debate about gender bias and sexual roles as well as questions about consent.

I’m going to throw this out to you lovely folks to see what you think

Interested on why you think there would be any scenario where sexual contact did not require consent? In my book, consent is never implied and it would be astonishingly idiotic to assume otherwise. "

There have been instances in dark rooms for example where ‘consentual non consent’ is part of the thrill

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I do worry sometimes as to whether people are leaving themselves ‘open’ to allegations and insinuations without gaining an actual “yes”.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We were in a dark room once, and there was a lady having a threesome with what we assumed was her partner and one other. She was making quite a lot of noise on the bed, but it didn't sound entirely right but couldn't be sure just why. One of the men told the other to "put it up her ass" which he proceeded to do, seconds after with no prep, gentleness or anything and she shouted out in pain, she got off the bed and stumbled out the door and couldn't even walk straight she was so d*unk, hence me not thinking she sounded right earlier.

Fred and I got dressed and left the room as the atmosphere had just changed for the worst, I thought we should see if she was okay, found her at the bar drinking more, and the two men had disappeared. We then found out that the owner was out the back smoking drugs, so we just left instead of reporting it further, never been back but it seems strange to me how the club gets such good reviews after our experience that night.

Ginger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OK I don't want to get all ranty about it but simply put consent can never be implied. We are living in very delicate times at the moment. No man I have spoken to can honestly say that (by today's standard only) we haven't committed a sexual offence. Every time we have made an unwanted sexual advance be it verbal or physical, we have committed harassment. Again this is by today's standard.

As members of alternative sexual lifestyle here, we have a larger responsibly to respect, trust and consent. We all represent sides to human sexuality that is aggressively rejected by the cultural narrative. So we need to show people it is safe to explore thier sexual nature and in order to help facilitate their discoveries we create safe spaces. So please ask for consent and if you have any imagination, you can make asking a hot part of play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We were in a dark room once, and there was a lady having a threesome with what we assumed was her partner and one other. She was making quite a lot of noise on the bed, but it didn't sound entirely right but couldn't be sure just why. One of the men told the other to "put it up her ass" which he proceeded to do, seconds after with no prep, gentleness or anything and she shouted out in pain, she got off the bed and stumbled out the door and couldn't even walk straight she was so d*unk, hence me not thinking she sounded right earlier.

Fred and I got dressed and left the room as the atmosphere had just changed for the worst, I thought we should see if she was okay, found her at the bar drinking more, and the two men had disappeared. We then found out that the owner was out the back smoking drugs, so we just left instead of reporting it further, never been back but it seems strange to me how the club gets such good reviews after our experience that night.

Ginger "

That's horrible. Nice you checked on her though.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

Considering the amount of posts on the subject of being touched without permission, I get a bit of a hint that this should be sought but generally isn't.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston


"when I see this kind of thing I always think to the ‘tea consent’ video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8

Geeky x"

That was the first thing I thought of too, it always makes me chuckle but it’s sad that ppl need a video to show them what consent is

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"OK I don't want to get all ranty about it but simply put consent can never be implied. We are living in very delicate times at the moment. No man I have spoken to can honestly say that (by today's standard only) we haven't committed a sexual offence. Every time we have made an unwanted sexual advance be it verbal or physical, we have committed harassment. Again this is by today's standard.

As members of alternative sexual lifestyle here, we have a larger responsibly to respect, trust and consent. We all represent sides to human sexuality that is aggressively rejected by the cultural narrative. So we need to show people it is safe to explore thier sexual nature and in order to help facilitate their discoveries we create safe spaces. So please ask for consent and if you have any imagination, you can make asking a hot part of play. "

This is a very good point. My question then is; who asks for consent? Is the pressure on the man (I’m assuming a heterosexual encounter here) to seek it? Is it right that it’s for the guy to have to look for consent or should it be a two way street?

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Considering the amount of posts on the subject of being touched without permission, I get a bit of a hint that this should be sought but generally isn't."

Actually in my experience most people behave. It’s the few that don’t, but a few is too many.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We were in a dark room once, and there was a lady having a threesome with what we assumed was her partner and one other. She was making quite a lot of noise on the bed, but it didn't sound entirely right but couldn't be sure just why. One of the men told the other to "put it up her ass" which he proceeded to do, seconds after with no prep, gentleness or anything and she shouted out in pain, she got off the bed and stumbled out the door and couldn't even walk straight she was so d*unk, hence me not thinking she sounded right earlier.

Fred and I got dressed and left the room as the atmosphere had just changed for the worst, I thought we should see if she was okay, found her at the bar drinking more, and the two men had disappeared. We then found out that the owner was out the back smoking drugs, so we just left instead of reporting it further, never been back but it seems strange to me how the club gets such good reviews after our experience that night.

Ginger "

My God that was awful.

That has me wondering if people have to be d*unk in order to do things. Did they even want to do it in the first place!?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"when I see this kind of thing I always think to the ‘tea consent’ video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8

Geeky x

That was the first thing I thought of too, it always makes me chuckle but it’s sad that ppl need a video to show them what consent is "

The ‘cup of tea’ analogy is brilliant and is something that I’ve used in the past. Sums things up perfectly, even if it does make me think of Mrs Doyle!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This discussion reminds me of two things that happened to me while out dressed

one was at a gay nightclub and a woman walked up to me, rubbed her hands up and down my dress and said lovely and just walked off. Was one of the few times had been out dressed in vanilla world and did not know how to react.

Other was at a bdsm club and got chatting to someone - I can be quite social. Went for a walk around and stopped to watch some play going on - the guy came up and asked if he could sit and next minute his hands were all over my legs. He almost got a punch but I just went and got changed to male mode. It did not help when someone later said should have expected it the way i was dressed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"OK I don't want to get all ranty about it but simply put consent can never be implied. We are living in very delicate times at the moment. No man I have spoken to can honestly say that (by today's standard only) we haven't committed a sexual offence. Every time we have made an unwanted sexual advance be it verbal or physical, we have committed harassment. Again this is by today's standard.

As members of alternative sexual lifestyle here, we have a larger responsibly to respect, trust and consent. We all represent sides to human sexuality that is aggressively rejected by the cultural narrative. So we need to show people it is safe to explore thier sexual nature and in order to help facilitate their discoveries we create safe spaces. So please ask for consent and if you have any imagination, you can make asking a hot part of play.

This is a very good point. My question then is; who asks for consent? Is the pressure on the man (I’m assuming a heterosexual encounter here) to seek it? Is it right that it’s for the guy to have to look for consent or should it be a two way street? "

Two way Street for sure. And again if it is a first time meet just turn it into sexy talk. I only speak for the dynamic of my relationship with Saz, but we have been together for 16 years. Saz has constant consent from me. When she wakes me up fucking me there with never be a time I will object. However even after all this time I would still never assume that she gives me consent. There is still the possibility she says no and if she wouldn't be into it then I wouldn't either.

But to your question, you have as much right to ask consent as anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This discussion reminds me of two things that happened to me while out dressed

one was at a gay nightclub and a woman walked up to me, rubbed her hands up and down my dress and said lovely and just walked off. Was one of the few times had been out dressed in vanilla world and did not know how to react.

Other was at a bdsm club and got chatting to someone - I can be quite social. Went for a walk around and stopped to watch some play going on - the guy came up and asked if he could sit and next minute his hands were all over my legs. He almost got a punch but I just went and got changed to male mode. It did not help when someone later said should have expected it the way i was dressed"

That kind of ‘you were asking for it’ is exactly the attitude which some people do possess that is the problem. To me that’s akin to assault apologists and makes me feel a little sick!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think meeting on a site like this ir at a club automatically implies consent. This is something that should always be sought regardless of the situation.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"I don't think meeting on a site like this ir at a club automatically implies consent. This is something that should always be sought regardless of the situation. "

Well it seems that this is confusing to some people. At another club, we had just walked in and the hostess for the night was showing us around, when an extremely rude woman with her guy, came straight up to us making signals that she liked what she saw before planting her lips on Sirs in some weird over dramatic display. Then turning to me to do the same saying “that’s how we do things here”. Another one that had had too much to drink and that was at the start of the night. She caught us on the hop, so nothing was said, but in hindsight I wish I’d have put her in her place.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The majority of the swinging situations I’ve been, consent has been implied by body language etc as opposed to verbal consent. But during an intimate experience both parties can say no if a certain activity is objected to. Or maybe just subtly move a hand away. I have noticed that some people ignore body language or can’t read it, and I have been in a couple of situations where I feel I made it obvious without verbalising that they should back off. It saddens me if I am forced to spell it out, but no doubt some people might use the defence that I didn’t actually verbalise no.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never been to a sex club do unfamiliar with the etiquette but I do have quite a niche kink in that I like doing sexual things to sleeping men.

Yes I may have just spent hours with them conscious and fucked a few times and I would also have told them prior to meeting that I like sleepy stuff but I don't have actual consent to touch a sleeping person. The men do wake up after a few moments of me sucking their dick or licking their arse out and they do always start fucking me, but they're still semi conscious and in a sleepy disorientated state.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"The majority of the swinging situations I’ve been, consent has been implied by body language etc as opposed to verbal consent. But during an intimate experience both parties can say no if a certain activity is objected to. Or maybe just subtly move a hand away. I have noticed that some people ignore body language or can’t read it, and I have been in a couple of situations where I feel I made it obvious without verbalising that they should back off. It saddens me if I am forced to spell it out, but no doubt some people might use the defence that I didn’t actually verbalise no.

Mrs"

I’m not sure that having to say no is the point though, to my mind it should never get to the point of having to say ‘no’ it should be a case of asking “may I?” before touching.

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By *ustme6Man
over a year ago

tamworth


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing?

You’re potentially in for a lot of trouble, which is why I can’t understand the lax attitude some clubs have.

Gangbang woman wakes up next morning with big hangover and thinks, well I never consented to that. Calls police who then do what ? "

Was once a juror on a similar case...and it's a legal minefield...and gets ugly...so yes consent alway's. Very difficult to prove though. But situation may point towards consent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The majority of the swinging situations I’ve been, consent has been implied by body language etc as opposed to verbal consent. But during an intimate experience both parties can say no if a certain activity is objected to. Or maybe just subtly move a hand away. I have noticed that some people ignore body language or can’t read it, and I have been in a couple of situations where I feel I made it obvious without verbalising that they should back off. It saddens me if I am forced to spell it out, but no doubt some people might use the defence that I didn’t actually verbalise no.

Mrs

I’m not sure that having to say no is the point though, to my mind it should never get to the point of having to say ‘no’ it should be a case of asking “may I?” before touching. "

I can’t think of many situations where someone says ‘may I?’ As I said, in my experience it’s usually implied consent. Starts with flirting and eye contact, moving closer together then non-sexual touching, then kissing. After that it all flows naturally. At no point does anyone ask for verbal consent, but it’s obvious both of us want to do something. Likewise it should be obvious if people don’t want to do something

Mrs

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing?

You’re potentially in for a lot of trouble, which is why I can’t understand the lax attitude some clubs have.

Gangbang woman wakes up next morning with big hangover and thinks, well I never consented to that. Calls police who then do what ?

Was once a juror on a similar case...and it's a legal minefield...and gets ugly...so yes consent alway's. Very difficult to prove though. But situation may point towards consent."

If you are touching someone that hasn’t given consent or not fit to give consent at the very least you’re assaulting them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing?

You’re potentially in for a lot of trouble, which is why I can’t understand the lax attitude some clubs have.

Gangbang woman wakes up next morning with big hangover and thinks, well I never consented to that. Calls police who then do what ?

Was once a juror on a similar case...and it's a legal minefield...and gets ugly...so yes consent alway's. Very difficult to prove though. But situation may point towards consent."

It seems a bit like getting a tattoo, if you're clearly pissed you won't get one. Likewise at a club if they're clearly pissed it's best to assume they're incapable of giving consent. Just to be on the safe side.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Had a debate with a friend, what if you have sex with someone and in the morning they say I didn’t consent to it. Do you have to get it in writing?

You’re potentially in for a lot of trouble, which is why I can’t understand the lax attitude some clubs have.

Gangbang woman wakes up next morning with big hangover and thinks, well I never consented to that. Calls police who then do what ?

Was once a juror on a similar case...and it's a legal minefield...and gets ugly...so yes consent alway's. Very difficult to prove though. But situation may point towards consent.

If you are touching someone that hasn’t given consent or not fit to give consent at the very least you’re assaulting them. "

I agree.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In the eyes of the law does consent for sexual activity have to verbal? In healthcare there are 3 levels of consent: implied, verbal and written, depending on the procedure. How does this relate to sexual activity?

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the eyes of the law does consent for sexual activity have to verbal? In healthcare there are 3 levels of consent: implied, verbal and written, depending on the procedure. How does this relate to sexual activity?

Mrs"

I don't think implication is sufficient and written seems a bit excessive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally, I think it has to be verbal in the club situation. I do ask if someone wants to play and exactly what they are looking for. Not everyone wants sex or same-sex fun, for example. This goes for single men, who have to be shown respect too. Then when the fun starts there is no confusion; anyone can stop or say no at anytime. The clearer everyone is the better the fun.

I never play d*unk or with d*unk people: the boundary line is too dodgy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To my amazement this isn’t a guy posting

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of my big bug bears is alcohol and clubs. Seen too many times people, usually women not just tiddly or pissed but d*unk to the point of not been able to stand.

I mooted this point recently to a guy about one particular club that he claimed was his favourite. He replied back that recently a very pissed up woman had a gang bang there with her partner looking on.

Personally I only play where either I or Sir have consented for a person to touch. And in reverse I wouldn’t dream of laying a finger on anyone unless I had their consent. But there’s a few cocky and presumptuous idiots, men and women that think it’s okay to force themselves on you. I find their arrogance completely off putting. "

What about in a dark room?

I certainly don't mind touching or being touched without verbal consent, but never anything else. Touch doesn't mean wanking or penetration. For me it's a lead up to consent or denial.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the eyes of the law does consent for sexual activity have to verbal? In healthcare there are 3 levels of consent: implied, verbal and written, depending on the procedure. How does this relate to sexual activity?

Mrs

I don't think implication is sufficient and written seems a bit excessive. "

Probably depends on the situation. For example, at one of our house parties one of our single male guests, whom I’d never played with before, came up to me and took his cock out in front of my face. I took this as his consent for me to suck his cock. I did not ask him for verbal consent before sucking it. This later progressed, he took out a condom and put it on. I bent over the bed and he fucked me. At every stage the mutual consent was implied. Because let’s face it why would he shove his cock in my face if he didn’t want me to suck it. And why would I watch him put a condom on and then bend over in front of him if I wasn’t consenting to being fucked. And this is just one example of many where consent in my play situations has been implied.

Mrs

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"One of my big bug bears is alcohol and clubs. Seen too many times people, usually women not just tiddly or pissed but d*unk to the point of not been able to stand.

I mooted this point recently to a guy about one particular club that he claimed was his favourite. He replied back that recently a very pissed up woman had a gang bang there with her partner looking on.

Personally I only play where either I or Sir have consented for a person to touch. And in reverse I wouldn’t dream of laying a finger on anyone unless I had their consent. But there’s a few cocky and presumptuous idiots, men and women that think it’s okay to force themselves on you. I find their arrogance completely off putting.

What about in a dark room?

I certainly don't mind touching or being touched without verbal consent, but never anything else. Touch doesn't mean wanking or penetration. For me it's a lead up to consent or denial."

I don’t know. It’s not something I like. But I imagine consent would be confusing potentially.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville


"In the eyes of the law does consent for sexual activity have to verbal? In healthcare there are 3 levels of consent: implied, verbal and written, depending on the procedure. How does this relate to sexual activity?

Mrs

I don't think implication is sufficient and written seems a bit excessive.

Probably depends on the situation. For example, at one of our house parties one of our single male guests, whom I’d never played with before, came up to me and took his cock out in front of my face. I took this as his consent for me to suck his cock. I did not ask him for verbal consent before sucking it. This later progressed, he took out a condom and put it on. I bent over the bed and he fucked me. At every stage the mutual consent was implied. Because let’s face it why would he shove his cock in my face if he didn’t want me to suck it. And why would I watch him put a condom on and then bend over in front of him if I wasn’t consenting to being fucked. And this is just one example of many where consent in my play situations has been implied.

Mrs"

I agree with this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"One of my big bug bears is alcohol and clubs. Seen too many times people, usually women not just tiddly or pissed but d*unk to the point of not been able to stand.

I mooted this point recently to a guy about one particular club that he claimed was his favourite. He replied back that recently a very pissed up woman had a gang bang there with her partner looking on.

Personally I only play where either I or Sir have consented for a person to touch. And in reverse I wouldn’t dream of laying a finger on anyone unless I had their consent. But there’s a few cocky and presumptuous idiots, men and women that think it’s okay to force themselves on you. I find their arrogance completely off putting.

What about in a dark room?

I certainly don't mind touching or being touched without verbal consent, but never anything else. Touch doesn't mean wanking or penetration. For me it's a lead up to consent or denial."

Dark room: consent consent consent.

That’s my choice. I would only play with those I’ve gone in with.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS
over a year ago

Stockport

I never assume implied consent for anything. If i am on a meet, or in a club, at every stage i will ask for permission or wait for a totally clear invitation. For me, an invite to a house does not mean an automatic invite to the bedroom, an invite to get into bed does not mean an automatic invite to start having sex, oral sex does not mean that penetrative sex is implied.

I seldom drink myself, never to excess. I have had sex with people who drink, but not unless they are clearly lucid and know what they are doing. For me it's all to do with basic respect of other people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What about glory holes (not my thing btw). But presumably the man shoving his cock through a hole is implying his consent to the anonymous person or people on the other side that his cock can be sucked?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Consent takes many forms, and in some circumstances can be implied.

Ive seen gangbangs in clubs where the lady just lays back and let’s whoe is in the room play with her. Infact i knew a woman that wouldn’t even know who had fucked her and she loved it.

Some clubs have a dark room arrangement if people venture in then they are likely to be tounched whilst in there. As long as they know this then their presence in there is consent.

When in communal sex areas such as couples rooms I have always gone by the rule that you ask before you touch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the eyes of the law does consent for sexual activity have to verbal? In healthcare there are 3 levels of consent: implied, verbal and written, depending on the procedure. How does this relate to sexual activity?

Mrs

I don't think implication is sufficient and written seems a bit excessive.

Probably depends on the situation. For example, at one of our house parties one of our single male guests, whom I’d never played with before, came up to me and took his cock out in front of my face. I took this as his consent for me to suck his cock. I did not ask him for verbal consent before sucking it. This later progressed, he took out a condom and put it on. I bent over the bed and he fucked me. At every stage the mutual consent was implied. Because let’s face it why would he shove his cock in my face if he didn’t want me to suck it. And why would I watch him put a condom on and then bend over in front of him if I wasn’t consenting to being fucked. And this is just one example of many where consent in my play situations has been implied.

Mrs"

I get where you're coming from but surely the onus of consent lies not with the guy who obviously wants his cock sucked but with you as to whether you're happy to suck his cock at that precise moment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I never assume implied consent for anything. If i am on a meet, or in a club, at every stage i will ask for permission or wait for a totally clear invitation. For me, an invite to a house does not mean an automatic invite to the bedroom, an invite to get into bed does not mean an automatic invite to start having sex, oral sex does not mean that penetrative sex is implied.

I seldom drink myself, never to excess. I have had sex with people who drink, but not unless they are clearly lucid and know what they are doing. For me it's all to do with basic respect of other people. "

I always ask first initially regardless of how clear the signals may appear and then judge where to go next by how responsive the woman is. This seems to work so far and not feeling as though i have to ask at every step means that a modicum of sponaneity is ensured.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In the eyes of the law does consent for sexual activity have to verbal? In healthcare there are 3 levels of consent: implied, verbal and written, depending on the procedure. How does this relate to sexual activity?

Mrs

I don't think implication is sufficient and written seems a bit excessive.

Probably depends on the situation. For example, at one of our house parties one of our single male guests, whom I’d never played with before, came up to me and took his cock out in front of my face. I took this as his consent for me to suck his cock. I did not ask him for verbal consent before sucking it. This later progressed, he took out a condom and put it on. I bent over the bed and he fucked me. At every stage the mutual consent was implied. Because let’s face it why would he shove his cock in my face if he didn’t want me to suck it. And why would I watch him put a condom on and then bend over in front of him if I wasn’t consenting to being fucked. And this is just one example of many where consent in my play situations has been implied.

Mrs

I get where you're coming from but surely the onus of consent lies not with the guy who obviously wants his cock sucked but with you as to whether you're happy to suck his cock at that precise moment."

If the onus of consent, with regards to this discussion, is on gaining permission to touch another person’s body. On that basis I needed his consent before I put my mouth on his cock. My view was that his actions implied his consent, and it was unnecessary for him to verbalise his consent too. He on the other hand was not touching me therefore I don’t need to consent to something he wasn’t going to do. He was simply getting his cock out for me to accept or reject. Whether it was appropriate for him to put me in that situation is another matter.

Mrs

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"In the eyes of the law does consent for sexual activity have to verbal? In healthcare there are 3 levels of consent: implied, verbal and written, depending on the procedure. How does this relate to sexual activity?

Mrs

I don't think implication is sufficient and written seems a bit excessive. "

Any sexual contact is legal if, as a matter of fact, there is consent or a reasonable belief in consent. There is no requirement for consent to be verbal.

Thus, if a bloke sticks his cock in a glory hole there would be at the very least a reasonable belief on the part of people on the other side that he consented to having it sucked by a random.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What I have found interesting at times as well is women who will quite happily touch up a male but complain if a male touches them

It works both ways

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always ask for consent before kissing and make them sign a consent form before fucking... Just in case.

Need to becareful nowadays

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"What I have found interesting at times as well is women who will quite happily touch up a male but complain if a male touches them

It works both ways"

Yes, I’ve mentioned that ^^ there are certainly double standards at play from some quarters. Clubs are often very good at dealing with men that touch without consent, would they be so fast with women?

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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

I understand the concept of informed consent but if someone I was playing with was all can I kiss you? Can I touch your leg? Can I slide my hand up to your flower it would get very old very fast......if I am in your personal space I am consenting - don’t keep asking.

On a side note I never drink alcohol and I am quite touchy feely....it hasn’t got me into any trouble but reading this thread is downright scary

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I go on a, meet I am giving consent for vaginal sex but not anal as I no longer do that. If the man were d*unk I would be leaving very fast and not waiting to see if he was wanting sex. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of people take liberties in clubs. During our first time in one some guys had been watching M and I fucking and then asked him if they could touch me. We consented to a bit of a grope of my boobs and ass (starting slow) and a guy stuck his finger inside me.

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By *ustme6Man
over a year ago

tamworth


"What about glory holes (not my thing btw). But presumably the man shoving his cock through a hole is implying his consent to the anonymous person or people on the other side that his cock can be sucked?

"

Mine neither but maybe just so be safe there should be a sign that says consent given...or better still a register of service...signed before and after.

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

We will not play with people drinking alcohol or using any drugs... the 420 issue seems to crop up alot lately. Lots of couples messaging to say they have 420 do we want to join them? Errmmm... no thank you.

I think at clubs consent is essential but it tends not to e a fully discussed thing.

We are happy to have other join us and usually we will be playing, make eye contact with on lookers and knod them over. Provided all play is straight. No fellas have been brave enough to push Cheffy into anything bi but I have had a woman literally sit on my face, uninvited while her husband was fucking me. I was horrified, shoved her off and all play stopped immediately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"when I see this kind of thing I always think to the ‘tea consent’ video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8

Geeky x

That was the first thing I thought of too, it always makes me chuckle but it’s sad that ppl need a video to show them what consent is

The ‘cup of tea’ analogy is brilliant and is something that I’ve used in the past. Sums things up perfectly, even if it does make me think of Mrs Doyle! "

I’ve shown it to my boys, they are off ‘that’ age now

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"when I see this kind of thing I always think to the ‘tea consent’ video on YouTube:

https://youtu.be/oQbei5JGiT8

Geeky x

That was the first thing I thought of too, it always makes me chuckle but it’s sad that ppl need a video to show them what consent is

The ‘cup of tea’ analogy is brilliant and is something that I’ve used in the past. Sums things up perfectly, even if it does make me think of Mrs Doyle!

I’ve shown it to my boys, they are off ‘that’ age now "

For Father Ted or the consent talk? I need to have the ‘big’ talk with my oldest lad, he’s 13 now and I think it’s important he knows about respect etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We will not play with people drinking alcohol or using any drugs... the 420 issue seems to crop up alot lately. Lots of couples messaging to say they have 420 do we want to join them? Errmmm... no thank you.

I think at clubs consent is essential but it tends not to e a fully discussed thing.

We are happy to have other join us and usually we will be playing, make eye contact with on lookers and knod them over. Provided all play is straight. No fellas have been brave enough to push Cheffy into anything bi but I have had a woman literally sit on my face, uninvited while her husband was fucking me. I was horrified, shoved her off and all play stopped immediately."

Did she apologise?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I expect consent to be mutually confirmed. Any hint of someone being disrespectful and I won't meet them, even for a coffee.

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish


"We will not play with people drinking alcohol or using any drugs... the 420 issue seems to crop up alot lately. Lots of couples messaging to say they have 420 do we want to join them? Errmmm... no thank you.

I think at clubs consent is essential but it tends not to e a fully discussed thing.

We are happy to have other join us and usually we will be playing, make eye contact with on lookers and knod them over. Provided all play is straight. No fellas have been brave enough to push Cheffy into anything bi but I have had a woman literally sit on my face, uninvited while her husband was fucking me. I was horrified, shoved her off and all play stopped immediately.

Did she apologise? "

No, she laughed and asked what was wrong, I said I was not interested in women and she continued laughing and said "they all say that, just give it go..." I made my excuses as she was telling me Im a prude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does consent ruin great sex?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We will not play with people drinking alcohol or using any drugs... the 420 issue seems to crop up alot lately. Lots of couples messaging to say they have 420 do we want to join them? Errmmm... no thank you.

I think at clubs consent is essential but it tends not to e a fully discussed thing.

We are happy to have other join us and usually we will be playing, make eye contact with on lookers and knod them over. Provided all play is straight. No fellas have been brave enough to push Cheffy into anything bi but I have had a woman literally sit on my face, uninvited while her husband was fucking me. I was horrified, shoved her off and all play stopped immediately.

Did she apologise?

No, she laughed and asked what was wrong, I said I was not interested in women and she continued laughing and said "they all say that, just give it go..." I made my excuses as she was telling me Im a prude."

I'm not at all surprised. She sexually assaulted you but found it funny. Disgusting behaviour. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does consent ruin great sex?"

Are you for real??!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/06/18 19:16:45]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does consent ruin great sex?"

There always must be consent of some description, because otherwise it’s non-consensual sexual activity. But arguably verbal consent can spoil certain situations. For me anyway, as I find sex more enjoyable if the consent is non-verbal or implied.

Mrs

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish


"We will not play with people drinking alcohol or using any drugs... the 420 issue seems to crop up alot lately. Lots of couples messaging to say they have 420 do we want to join them? Errmmm... no thank you.

I think at clubs consent is essential but it tends not to e a fully discussed thing.

We are happy to have other join us and usually we will be playing, make eye contact with on lookers and knod them over. Provided all play is straight. No fellas have been brave enough to push Cheffy into anything bi but I have had a woman literally sit on my face, uninvited while her husband was fucking me. I was horrified, shoved her off and all play stopped immediately.

Did she apologise?

No, she laughed and asked what was wrong, I said I was not interested in women and she continued laughing and said "they all say that, just give it go..." I made my excuses as she was telling me Im a prude.

I'm not at all surprised. She sexually assaulted you but found it funny. Disgusting behaviour. x "

I have to say that in 15 years of swinging it was the only time anything 'bad' happened. I was still single and had gone to a club on a Saturday night with a couple I was friends with.

It was the last time I went to a couples and fems night at a club. Even now with Cheffy we only go when single men are allowed.

She stank of Angel perfume too... I mean REALLY strong perfume. I can't smell it now without the memory of her sloppy snatch over my mouth and nose suffercating me. Horrid experience.

The couple I had gone with were equally horrified and we all left the club early.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Does consent ruin great sex?"

Is this a typo? Did you actually mean it as it reads?!

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish


"Does consent ruin great sex?"

Really? Do you think it does?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Errrrrr yes!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Consent doesnt have to be given verbally. It can be given by a persons actions. So if the defence believed there was consent by the accusers actions then the case will fail.

Consent can not be given if the person is

Asleep

Extremely d*unk

Have a mental impairment that means they dont understand

If the victim has agreed under fear of violence or threats.

Under the age of consent.

Those are instances that even with a yes a reasonable shoukd know that the consent is false.

Apart from that it is exactly as the tea video says

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Say two people are flirting in messages and get into what may happen if they meet

Does that mean there is implied consent for that first meet and the history of the messages back that up?

Or rightly so is online flirting and real life action two seperate things?

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire


"What I have found interesting at times as well is women who will quite happily touch up a male but complain if a male touches them

It works both ways

Yes, I’ve mentioned that ^^ there are certainly double standards at play from some quarters. Clubs are often very good at dealing with men that touch without consent, would they be so fast with women? "

The difficulty is that men and women are different, so the situation is generally different. It’s why we’ve got different attitudes to a bunch of men watching female strippers, and a bunch of women watching male strippers. (Apologies for the hetero-normative framing of this.)

I have been in a job in the past where women regularly thought it was acceptable to touch, grab or squeeze my arse, or make sexually loaded remarks towards me while I tried to work. Now, because of the tone, and how they behaved, I never felt threatened. It could be annoying, but never scary. However, if men did it to my female colleague, it would be a different story. The intention, the tone, the conduct, that probably would be more threatening, more of a violation.

Now, I’m not condoning any of this behaviour. I agree that there is an element of hypocrisy in some women’s behaviour, but often the general tone of the circumstances is different, and it’s why it tends to be taken less seriously.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Say two people are flirting in messages and get into what may happen if they meet

Does that mean there is implied consent for that first meet and the history of the messages back that up?

Or rightly so is online flirting and real life action two seperate things?"

I’d say two separate things. Non verbal consent is vague but is fine, however there are situations when you just have to ask. Personally I wouldn’t want to put myself at risk.

My question still stands though, as a guy I do feel that the pressure of seeking consent is mine to fulfill and I find that to be a negative situation to be in

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire


"Say two people are flirting in messages and get into what may happen if they meet

Does that mean there is implied consent for that first meet and the history of the messages back that up?

Or rightly so is online flirting and real life action two seperate things?"

Two totally separate things. Regardless of how explicit the messages have been, I would never assume that they would still want to do all or even any of it having met me in person.

It’s the tea thing again.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Getting consent is essential - how and when it is done is where we have some flexibility - both in asking and confirming. We could ask for every separate and specific activity, such as kissing, touching a non-erogenous zone, their genitals - and also, by the type of contact, whether body on body, fingers, our mouths, our genitals - and then if we penetrate partner's body parts.

Rather than being like robots, we'll both typically ask before first contact as well as penetrative contact - as well as what certainly I'd do, which is to ask what a partner would like to do together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree with your point about alcohol. I drink only water or Red Bull when I go to a club as I want to remember everything. I Clubs are expensive and memories make it worthwhile. Not sure if that makes me a control freak or tight. Lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Say two people are flirting in messages and get into what may happen if they meet

Does that mean there is implied consent for that first meet and the history of the messages back that up?

Or rightly so is online flirting and real life action two seperate things?

I’d say two separate things. Non verbal consent is vague but is fine, however there are situations when you just have to ask. Personally I wouldn’t want to put myself at risk.

My question still stands though, as a guy I do feel that the pressure of seeking consent is mine to fulfill and I find that to be a negative situation to be in"

That’s a shame and maybe reflective of an archaic expectation that still exists around sex. Do you feel men need to ask but women don’t need too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Say two people are flirting in messages and get into what may happen if they meet

Does that mean there is implied consent for that first meet and the history of the messages back that up?

Or rightly so is online flirting and real life action two seperate things?"

Consent can be withdrawn at anytime

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What I have found interesting at times as well is women who will quite happily touch up a male but complain if a male touches them

It works both ways

Yes, I’ve mentioned that ^^ there are certainly double standards at play from some quarters. Clubs are often very good at dealing with men that touch without consent, would they be so fast with women?

The difficulty is that men and women are different, so the situation is generally different. It’s why we’ve got different attitudes to a bunch of men watching female strippers, and a bunch of women watching male strippers. (Apologies for the hetero-normative framing of this.)

I have been in a job in the past where women regularly thought it was acceptable to touch, grab or squeeze my arse, or make sexually loaded remarks towards me while I tried to work. Now, because of the tone, and how they behaved, I never felt threatened. It could be annoying, but never scary. However, if men did it to my female colleague, it would be a different story. The intention, the tone, the conduct, that probably would be more threatening, more of a violation.

Now, I’m not condoning any of this behaviour. I agree that there is an element of hypocrisy in some women’s behaviour, but often the general tone of the circumstances is different, and it’s why it tends to be taken less seriously."

I think the difference also comes down to the fact that men and naturally bigger and stronger than woman. So for a woman it will be more intimidating as she knows she prob wont over power the guy if he attacked her

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Say two people are flirting in messages and get into what may happen if they meet

Does that mean there is implied consent for that first meet and the history of the messages back that up?

Or rightly so is online flirting and real life action two seperate things?

I’d say two separate things. Non verbal consent is vague but is fine, however there are situations when you just have to ask. Personally I wouldn’t want to put myself at risk.

My question still stands though, as a guy I do feel that the pressure of seeking consent is mine to fulfill and I find that to be a negative situation to be in

That’s a shame and maybe reflective of an archaic expectation that still exists around sex. Do you feel men need to ask but women don’t need too? "

It’s not so much what I feel, it’s more how the evidence stacks up and how people seem to see it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Great sex, is on the verge of going to court

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