FabSwingers.com forum: Favourite joke

By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

What’s your fave joke? Ideally it has to be childish and purile. Mine is ‘what do you call a judge with no thumbs?’

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By *andm_69Couple
over a year ago

Stevenage

Mine is

What do you a Gingerbread man with one leg?

Limp Bizkit

I will let myself out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the chicken cross the playpark?

To get to the other slide.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What brown and flies through walls?

Casper the friendly plate of mince.

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By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

"Mine is

What do you a Gingerbread man with one leg?

Limp Bizkit

I will let myself out"

Yay!

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By *he RingmasterMan
over a year ago

Canford Cliffs

What's white and wears yellow and red chequered trousers?

Rupert the Fridge

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

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By *exi7000Couple
over a year ago

London

Meanwhile in London, a local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to play the triangle in a Jamaican reggae orchestra, I just had to stand at the back and ting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

Love it.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

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By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

"I used to play the triangle in a Jamaican reggae orchestra, I just had to stand at the back and ting. "

That’s a winner!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex broke up with me because of my obsession with the Monkees, at first I thought she was joking... And the I saw her face.

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By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

"Meanwhile in London, a local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber."

Haha! Funny and sexy!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Look for fresh prints.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

Love it.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did you hear about the man with two left feet? He went to a shoe shop and asked for a pair of flip-flips....

Boom, tish.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I used to go out with a parachutist with IBS - Until she shit on me from a great height...

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I used to play the triangle in a Jamaican reggae orchestra, I just had to stand at the back and ting. "
Winner

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

As kids this amused my brothers and me:-

What did the man say to the man?

Man.

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By *actilemale4uMan
over a year ago

London

"Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

Love it.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer"

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By *actilemale4uMan
over a year ago

London

"Meanwhile in London, a local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind. I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber."

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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago

Lincoln

Knock Knock

Who’s there?

The interrupting cow.

The interrupting c.....

Mooooooooooo!

Fans of Home will know that one. Not the best written down admittedly! Has my smallest kid in stitches every time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Whats brown and sticky?

A stick

Love it.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No eye deer"

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no eye deer

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Whats a dog called with no legs

It doesnt matter because hes not coming

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By *edbath 5Man
over a year ago

london

A man and his wife are getting ready for a party...

Wife: "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Man: "Do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?"

Wife: "Yes, I promise!"

Man: "I fucked your sister!"

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"A man and his wife are getting ready for a party...

Wife: "Does this dress make me look fat?"

Man: "Do you promise not to get mad no matter what I say?"

Wife: "Yes, I promise!"

Man: "I fucked your sister!""

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you make a bear cross?

Nail two, together.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you make a bear cross?

Nail two, together."

I actually lol'd

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"How do you make a bear cross?

Nail two, together.

I actually lol'd

Aawww

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what's orange and sounds like a parrot?

a carrot

Jokes about salt are uncommon

Jokes about sugar? Demarara

Why do Norwegian battleships have barcodes on the side?

So they can Scan-da-navy-in

What do you call a Frenchman in plastic sandals?

Phillipe Flop

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

What's got 8 legs and 5 eyes?

Two dead sheep and half a pig's head.

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By *oneeMan
over a year ago

bath

A son asked his dad why his sister was called Teresa.

The dad replied that his sister is called Teresa because mum loves just loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.

The son said thanks dad.

The dad replied that's ok Alan.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"A son asked his dad why his sister was called Teresa.

The dad replied that his sister is called Teresa because mum loves just loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.

The son said thanks dad.

The dad replied that's ok Alan."
Haha LMAO

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

What do Rupert the Bear, John the Baptist and William the Conqueror have in common?

Same middle name

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I don't appreciate jokes about other people .

It's so not me !.

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

A man says to his wife, 'Tell me something that will make me happy and make me sad all at the same time.'

She thinks for a moment, then says, 'Your cock is bigger than your brother's.'

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By *_Yeah19Couple
over a year ago

Lincoln

A woman asks her husband ‘does this dress make me look fat?’

He replies ‘if I tell you the truth, will you get mad?’

She says ‘of course not, I want you to be honest with me all the time’

To which he replies ‘I fucked your sister!!!!!’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whys Noddy got a bell in his hat ?

Cause he’s a cunt!

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I saw a duck the other day esting cheesy biscuits. I thought " he's quackers "

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

I love awful jokes. Eg:

How many Vietnam vets does it take to change a lightbulb?

Dunno...

THAT'S COS YOU WEREN'T FUCKING THERE MAAAAAAAN!!!

And:

Q: why do anarchists only drink herbal tea?

A: because all proper tea is theft

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

Wife says to her husband " I think I'm fat, pay me a compliment " .

Hubby says " You have perfect eyesight "

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

As I lay in bed gazing at the stars I thought to myself " wheres my roof ".

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By *oger51Man
over a year ago

cardiff

My girlfriend said to me the other night as she was getting ready to go out what would you like me to put behind my ears I replied your ankles.

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By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

"A woman asks her husband ‘does this dress make me look fat?’

He replies ‘if I tell you the truth, will you get mad?’

She says ‘of course not, I want you to be honest with me all the time’

To which he replies ‘I fucked your sister!!!!!’

Classic

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the pervert cross the road?

Because he couldn't get his dick out of the chicken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The roseanne barr thread above^^^^^^ comedy gold

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By *r_BigHeadMan
over a year ago

The Naughty Step (aka Northampton)

Why do squirrels swim on their back?

...

To keep their nuts dry

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

Went to the doctors feeling strange.

He said, Im a bit strange myself. Go behind the screen and get undressed.

After a while he said .. Finished!

I said Ohhhhhhh Dr. I didn't feel a thing.

He said.. Well I told you I was strange. I've just shit in your handbag.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"The roseanne barr thread above^^^^^^ comedy gold"

Are you still masturbating ?

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

"Whats a dog called with no legs

It doesnt matter because hes not coming"

Cigarette, and likes to be taken out for a drag

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By *den-Valley-coupleCouple
over a year ago

Cumbria

2 fish in a tank 1 fish says to the other who's Driving this thing.

2 fish swimming along one hit his head against the wall turns to his mate and says dam.

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By *antasticMrFucksMan
over a year ago

Taunton

What's E.T short for ........because he only has little legs

What do you call a gay dinosaur... mega-sore-ass

Lesbian dinosaur .....

Lick-alot-o-puss

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By *antasticMrFucksMan
over a year ago

Taunton

"Whats a dog called with no legs

It doesnt matter because hes not coming

Cigarette, and likes to be taken out for a drag"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A guy goes on fab messages people expecting to walk away with a smile

Hahahahahahaha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The roseanne barr thread above^^^^^^ comedy gold

Are you still masturbating ?"

Yes granny i have just pleasured myself,Are you still a man masquerading as a woman?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"The roseanne barr thread above^^^^^^ comedy gold

Are you still masturbating ?

Yes granny i have just pleasured myself,Are you still a man masquerading as a woman?

If only! I'm a teenage boy masquerading as a drivelling woman.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wife say to the mirror on the door.....mirror mirror on the door make my boobs size 44..poof the popped out to a prefect size 44.

Tells her husband who rushes to the door and says fecking mirror mirror on the door make my cock touch the floor.....his fecking legs fell off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"2 fish in a tank 1 fish says to the other who's Driving this thing.

2 fish swimming along one hit his head against the wall turns to his mate and says dam.

I like these types too,

Two fish sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and asks "Can you smell fish?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals eating a clown

One says to the other: "does this taste funny to you?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Got fired from my job at the ammonia factory, for corporate theft.

They said I was taking the piss.

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

A man was inconsolable at the death of the Dulux dog, he was overcome with emulsion

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's green and eats balls???

Syphilis lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Went to the doctor with a sore cock.

he said I had to stop masturbating.

I said: "why, is it damaging my penis?"

He said: "No, but it upsets the other patients in my waiting room!"

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By *iscreetly matureMan
over a year ago

Bradford

What do you call a dead deer with no eyes

Still no idea

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"What’s your fave joke? Ideally it has to be childish and purile. Mine is ‘what do you call a judge with no thumbs?’"

So what do you call a judge with no thumbs?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

Crumpet Castle

"What’s your fave joke? Ideally it has to be childish and purile. Mine is ‘what do you call a judge with no thumbs?’

So what do you call a judge with no thumbs?"

Justice Fingers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I saw a second hand TV for sale.

"55" Flat screen but volume stuck on full!

£10"

I thought, "Bargain, I can't turn that down..."

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By *ifty grades of shadyCouple
over a year ago

Carisbrooke, Isle of Wight

Women went to the gynaecologist and on inspection pulled out a handful of feathers, he said "you've had a Cock or two in there..."

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

They say men are like flooring - if you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years...

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

A baby polar bear says to his dad

"Dad am I really a polar bear?" "Yes" his dad replays. "Really!" Says the young bear "a real life polar bear?"

"Yes son why do you keep asking?"

Because I'm fucking freezing

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By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

Young red indian asks his father about his sisters name. Well we called her rising sun because it was the first thing we saw when she was born replied his father. And then adds ‘why do you ask, two dogs fucking?’

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Favourite joke

What is pink and wrinkly and stinks of ginger

Fred astaires fingers

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By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

I told everyone I know the triangle joke!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

what d'you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack

What d'you call a man with a crane on his head?

Derrick

What d'you call a man with a tree on his head?

Edward

What d'you call a man with a forest on his head?

Edward Woodward

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my favourite terrible jokes

Have you heard about the magic tractor?It went down the lane and turned into a field

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By *antasticMrFucksMan
over a year ago

Taunton

Fell asleep at a party once and someone put a teabag in my mouth I went fucking mental...

Nobody treats me like a mug

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A baby polar bear says to his dad

"Dad am I really a polar bear?" "Yes" his dad replays. "Really!" Says the young bear "a real life polar bear?"

"Yes son why do you keep asking?"

Because I'm fucking freezing "

That’s shit!

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man
over a year ago

BRIDPORT

The other day I was buried under a pile of falling books but I’ve only got my shelf to blame

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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By *NACONDA1000Man
over a year ago

buncrana

"A son asked his dad why his sister was called Teresa.

The dad replied that his sister is called Teresa because mum loves just loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.

The son said thanks dad.

The dad replied that's ok Alan."

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By *ig rig hullMan
over a year ago

Hull

What's blue and smells like white paint?

Blue paint

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why was Snow White sacked from Disney World?

She got caught, sitting on Pinocchio's face, singing " tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies"

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By *orningtonCroissant OP Man
over a year ago

notts and humberside

Resurrecting this thread. Keep em cumming !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why was Snow White sacked from Disney World?

She got caught, sitting on Pinocchio's face, singing " tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies" "

Snow White, is this true?

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By *ukeuk888Man
over a year ago

hastings

To the person who stole my copy of Microsoft office, I will track you down and bring you to justice, you have my Word !

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

A horse goes into a pub and the landlord says:

Why the long face?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as he hits your windscreen?

His own arse.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Jonathan Ross has just got done for shoplifting . he got caught stealing a food mixer . he said it was a whisk he was willing to take

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A horse goes into a pub and the landlord says:

Why the long face?"
A bear goes in to a pub and says . can I have a pint of ............................. beer . the landlord says . why the long big pause

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By *aul DeUther-OneMan
over a year ago

Sussex

An English man, Irish man and a Scots man go into a pub and the landlord says:

Is this some kind of joke?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Nun taking a bath, knock on the door....’who is it?’ she shouts ‘it’s the blind man’ he replies, ‘come in then’. In he comes says ‘I’ll fit the blind, btw nice tits’.

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By *ildbillkidMan
over a year ago

where the road goes on forever

A man went to the dr. Cause his penis was turning orange, he told the doctor he was retired, sat at home watching porn and eating cheeto's

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Wife is showing off her new dress to her husband.

Does my bum look big in this?

Him: Compared to what?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate those Russian dolls..

Full of themselves

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By *naquest321Man
over a year ago

Hook

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology,

It was explaining the phenomenon of mixed emotions.

After the programme ended,

the husband turned to his wife and said,

Honey that was complete bullshit.

I bet you can't tell me anything that

Will make me happy and sad at the same time.

She turned and snuggled up beside him and said:

Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A horse goes into a pub and the landlord says:

Why the long face?"

The horse says; It’s Valarie, she’s left me!

The barman says; Oh Phil, I’m sorry to hear that, here have one on the house !

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

man sat on pc

wife comes over . What yer looking at

man . I'm looking at flights

wife . ohhhh darling that's lovely ( as she falls to her knees and gives him a bj )

man . well Thank you darling . I did not even think you liked darts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he has had

He started counting and fell asleep

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"man sat on pc

wife comes over . What yer looking at

man . I'm looking at flights

wife . ohhhh darling that's lovely ( as she falls to her knees and gives him a bj )

man . well Thank you darling . I did not even think you liked darts "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A woman's walking through the woods when she comes across a clearing and sitting on a log with his head in his hands is a small elf like creature with his head in his hands. She asks him if he's a goblin? He replies no I have a headache actually..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why did the one armed man cross the road?

To get to the second hand shop

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How do you get a fat bird into bed?

Piece of cake....

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By *riefcase_WankerMan
over a year ago

Milton Keynes

This guy is drowning his sorrows at a bar and the barman notices his sullen mood and asks him what's up. The guy goes "it's terrible - I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend!"

The barman goes "that's awful, what did you say to your wife?"

"Well, I told her to pack her stuff and get out and that I never wanted to see her again"

And the barman asks "So what did you say to your best friend?"

"BAD DOG!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Two cannibals eating a clown...one cannibal turns to the other and says.....does this taste funny to you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A Pakistani, a Jew and a Catholic walk into a bar...

What a fine example of a racially integrated community." - Bernard Righton

Tell that to a large crowd and just watch the tension dissipate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Man ..Doctor I keep feeling like I'm a moth .

Dr... Well I don't think you want to be here . you should go straight too the physiologist further down the road

Man .. I know . I was on my way there but saw your light on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There was a tap on my front door. Funny sense of humour my plumber.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Made my day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A woman's walking through the woods when she comes across a clearing and sitting on a log with his head in his hands is a small elf like creature with his head in his hands. She asks him if he's a goblin? He replies no I have a headache actually.. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why didnt the lifeguard at the beach try and rescue the drowning hippy?

He was too far out.

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

A woman is talking to her Mother and tells her she has decided to leave her husband.

'Oh my God, why?' asks the Mother.

'It's the sex' replies the daughter 'and I don't mean just any old sex either. Anal sex! He is mad for it, he wants to do it every night. My poor little bum hole was tiny when I first met him, like a little 5p. Now years of having to take it up the bum and it's more like a 50p. I can't stand it anymore, I'm leaving.'

'Listen to me' says the Mother. 'You live in a fabulous six bedroom house, you have a country cottage for the weekends, you have your choice of 4 luxury cars, you take 3 exotic holidays a year, plus weekend breaks, your jewellery collection is stunning, you can go shopping for whatever you want whenever you want. Now seriously, are you telling me you are going to give all that up for 45p?!'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One will see you later and one will see you in a while.

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By *arkRichMan
over a year ago

Manchester City Centre

Why are there no painkillers in the jungle...?

Because The Parrots Eat ‘em All...

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