FabSwingers.com forum: Men & women can’t be friends

By *oodnitegirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Yorkshire

This winds me up.

Going to see my bestie. Never shagged/kissed anything as much as pecked. We top and tail in a double bed.

No he hasn’t been ‘friend zoned’ I simply believe if we had a relationship that didn’t work out I’d lose my best friend as well as a lover.

What camp are you in? Yes they can or not?! Xx

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By *ddibleMan
over a year ago

Exeter Bristol Salisbury

My best friend is a woman.

I get sick of the narrow minded attitudes of the people around us. Yes we've discussed it and yes we probably would, but we're never serious for long enough to do anything about it. Life's too short enjoy it

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By *lanPartridgeMan
over a year ago

nottingham

My best mate for 28 years is a straight female. There has never been anything sexual between us, though plenty of sarky comments from people without much imagination. I mean: don't they think we'd say if we WERE involved on that level?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My best friend of 16 years is a guy.

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Yes of course men and women can be friends. I have male friends and Cal regularly goes out with a group of 3 female friends...

Nita

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By *ooby birdWoman
over a year ago

North West

Course they can

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

My best friend is a man.

We started off as fwb and after about a year we decided to ditch the sex and just be friends. We have been just friends now for 4 years.

The friendship was far more important to both of us than the sex and our relationship nowadays is amazing. We have definitely friendzoned each other and it works great.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ex's best friend was a man, he used to sleep there all the time when I was working away and nothing happened.

After we broke up he was there an awful lot making sure she was ok

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This winds me up.

Going to see my bestie. Never shagged/kissed anything as much as pecked. We top and tail in a double bed.

No he hasn’t been ‘friend zoned’ I simply believe if we had a relationship that didn’t work out I’d lose my best friend as well as a lover.

What camp are you in? Yes they can or not?! Xx"

Works for me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes they can be friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes they can be just friends as long as the boundaries are drawn up very early on and both parties know where each other stand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When Harry Met Sally.

Mic Drop*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

100% yes. Some of my best friends are men x

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

Yes they can be ... as long as you’re on the same page.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes they can. I have a few male friends and I feel I can be more honest with them than female friends- they are less judgy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

One of my best mates is female. It's possible

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By *ranimallxl5Man
over a year ago

Winchester

Sure they can..my mummy is my bestie

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I thought everyone was searching for a friend with benefits on here or so i read its in the name

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm quite a sexual guy. So I've found it difficult making female friends without wanting to fuck them. However, I now put that down to not having been really satisfied sexually. Fucking someone a lot really grounds me and it's that which I need to be able to really enjoy platonic friendships

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

"Sure they can..my mummy is my bestie

Do you mean your actual mummy? If so awwwww

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"This winds me up.

Going to see my bestie. Never shagged/kissed anything as much as pecked. We top and tail in a double bed.

No he hasn’t been ‘friend zoned’ I simply believe if we had a relationship that didn’t work out I’d lose my best friend as well as a lover.

What camp are you in? Yes they can or not?! Xx"

Defo can.

Some of my best long-term friends are women and never has it even hinted towards anything more.

You're right. A true friendship isn't worth the gamble that relationship complications could bring.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes they can

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By *isaB45Woman
over a year ago

Fabville

Sometimes..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

3 of my close friends are male, we met through dating apps but didn’t work out but the friendships remained. We have no sexual tension because we have been there and done it and laugh about it. I’m still really close friends with my ex husband also. We talk quite often and will always be friends.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

Sometimes they can , sometimes they can’t .

I’m old fashioned in many ways , and I don’t personally know anyone who has a ‘ bestie ‘ of the opposite sex . It just doesn’t sit right with me , but clearly it does for most of you so crack on

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Without doubt they can.

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

I think they can for sure but at some point of their relationship one or both have had some feelings for the other, they may not have said something or act on it and so got over it but I do think that no one can spend that much time and be emotionally connected with another human being without feeling something at some point.

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By *aughtybutniceBBWWoman
over a year ago

The County of Northamptonshire

"My best friend is a man.

We started off as fwb and after about a year we decided to ditch the sex and just be friends. We have been just friends now for 4 years.

The friendship was far more important to both of us than the sex and our relationship nowadays is amazing. We have definitely friendzoned each other and it works great."

Much the same as this! Met on here and after 15 months he wanted something else. He’d never had a girl friend, so I have shown him the way. We meet and have a hug and a peck and that’s it. I consider him a good friend

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

I have made quite a few close friendships with women over the years.

On reflection, I've had sex with most of them. Doesn't seem to have affected the friendship, many of them have gone on to have boyfriends/get married and we have remained friends....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I dont know, I dont do very well for friends, but the few male ones I have I originally fancied and for whatever reason nothing came of it. So I guess maybe sometimes one side always hopes for more but never persues it.

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By *asterBunny38Woman
over a year ago

Hemel Hempstead

[Removed by poster at 26/05/18 19:04:17]

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By *amamanMan
over a year ago

Inverness and around. ...

A woman i knew a long time ago ,we had sex one night and became best friends ever since....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes we can be just friends!

My best friend (a girl) and I of 11 years have seen each other naked plenty of times, have spooned together naked, shared a bed together several times and we openly talk about our sexual experiences with one another, as well as our usual friendship chit chats

Yet we have never had sex or sexual fun with each other; we’re close friends and I wouldn’t change that for the world as she’s a great girl

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've never had a male "friend" who didn't hit on me at some stage.

Now I keep a "friendly distance" from men aside from my partner, anything else seems to end up as an opportunity in their book as far as I can see.

My male partner is my best friend - to me, the idea that I could be closer to someone else than to him, particularly another man - that's just weird.

That's part of the appeal of fab,no men here pretending to be interested in me as a person

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"I think they can for sure but at some point of their relationship one or both have had some feelings for the other, they may not have said something or act on it and so got over it but I do think that no one can spend that much time and be emotionally connected with another human being without feeling something at some point. "

But they can, and do.

I have 'feelings' for lifelong friends - both male and female - but they're not romantic or sexual feelings. It's more of the feeling you'd have for a brother or sister.

Thinking that friends must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings is like saying brother and sister must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings. It's obviously not always the case.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

So it's just me who doesn't see shagging your female mates as an issue then....

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

But they can, and do.

I have 'feelings' for lifelong friends - both male and female - but they're not romantic or sexual feelings. It's more of the feeling you'd have for a brother or sister.

Thinking that friends must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings is like saying brother and sister must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings. It's obviously not always the case."

Eww no it's not so let's not even go there thank you.

And like I said they may never do/say anything about it so how do you know your mates didn't have feeling for you at some point?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes they can be ... as long as you’re on the same page. "

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

But they can, and do.

I have 'feelings' for lifelong friends - both male and female - but they're not romantic or sexual feelings. It's more of the feeling you'd have for a brother or sister.

Thinking that friends must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings is like saying brother and sister must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings. It's obviously not always the case.

Eww no it's not so let's not even go there thank you.

And like I said they may never do/say anything about it so how do you know your mates didn't have feeling for you at some point? "

I don't. But I like to think the world can have purely platonic relationships. It feels a little 'sex pesty' to think all friends must invariably be unable to have platonic friendships.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

The question (and answer) can be simplified.

Do you think you'll feel sexually attractive to all of your opposite sex friends at some point, even the less attractive ones?

If the answer is 'obviously not' then that answer can apply to bestest friends.

If you find absolutely everybody sexually attractive at some point that's probably a bit wierd.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"The question (and answer) can be simplified.

Do you think you'll feel sexually attractive to all of your opposite sex friends at some point, even the less attractive ones?

If the answer is 'obviously not' then that answer can apply to bestest friends.

If you find absolutely everybody sexually attractive at some point that's probably a bit wierd."

Thanks for confirming that I'm weird.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A girl I’ve been mates with for 25 became more than just good friends. It lasted two months before we decided it wasn’t working out so we called it a day. Next month I get a call and, long story short, we now have a three year old daughter. We have our ups and downs but we also have a life long bond between us that I wouldn’t change for the world. Maybe one day we’ll both realise that maybe we are meant to be together but that time isn’t right now.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"The question (and answer) can be simplified.

Do you think you'll feel sexually attractive to all of your opposite sex friends at some point, even the less attractive ones?

If the answer is 'obviously not' then that answer can apply to bestest friends.

If you find absolutely everybody sexually attractive at some point that's probably a bit wierd.

Thanks for confirming that I'm weird.

Like Carlsberg, the word 'probably' us key.

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

One of my best friends is a bloke. I've probably seen more of him than some boyfriends I've had.

No sexual tension, never has been.

Top line is I can get a sh@g anywhere, much harder to find a really good friend.

I wouldn't want to lose or jeopardise what we have.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They can be. I've had many female friends that I haven't slept with. They've seen me like a brother.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry I’m not answering the question but asking another one on the same subject.

Can they be friends even if they’ve been lovers ?

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"Sorry I’m not answering the question but asking another one on the same subject.

Can they be friends even if they’ve been lovers ? "

Isn't that a Michael Bolton song?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Exactly! Left alone with each other long enough and something will happen 100%

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"Exactly! Left alone with each other long enough and something will happen 100%"

Even if he / she looks like John or Norma Major? Really? You'll fancy somebody regardless of looks?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I’m not answering the question but asking another one on the same subject.

Can they be friends even if they’ve been lovers ?

Isn't that a Michael Bolton song?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't seem to be anything more than friends...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But they can, and do.

I have 'feelings' for lifelong friends - both male and female - but they're not romantic or sexual feelings. It's more of the feeling you'd have for a brother or sister.

Thinking that friends must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings is like saying brother and sister must invariably develop sexual or romantic feelings. It's obviously not always the case."

Flowers in the attic springs to mind.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the woman has a big role in making sure it's platonic. She can't flirt her arse off, tease the guy with suggestions they might get it on sometime, and then freak out when he tries it on. That's what happened to me with a friend recently. It's not really fair. If she'd been clear all along I wouldn't have got mixed signals. For example, I've had many very platonic friendships in business and it's been totally fine. Never entered my mind to try it on with them. Why? Because they were professional and never flirted in a suggestive teasing way.

I think some women like having male "friends" who actually flirt with them and make them feel beautiful. They feign that it's platonic. When really they're dabbling with being unfaithful and that's as far as they want to take it. It's a tease and it's unfair to the guy

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)

Oh it's a topic that angers me. Those that say you can't be friends with the opposite gender are reducing is to nothing more then primal animals that can't control ourselves...

Most of my friends are male. I can confirm I've only ever had sex with one of them. (and he was a boyfriend that we ended up decideding we were better off if friends)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sorry I’m not answering the question but asking another one on the same subject.

Can they be friends even if they’ve been lovers ? "

Yes, my closest male friends are ex lovers.

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Some lines are just not worth crossing just for sex! you can never go back to how it was

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By *ty31Man
over a year ago

NW London

Yes, guys and girls can be just friends.

Being "only" friends with a woman isn't a consolation prize.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's possible. I have good female friends, some entirely plutonic, others not. Doesn't mean I can't meet there boyfriends and go to their kids birthdays. So yes, they can be friends.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"Some lines are just not worth crossing just for sex! you can never go back to how it was

Why? Sometimes sex is just "Fun for grown ups"....

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"Some lines are just not worth crossing just for sex! you can never go back to how it was

Why? Sometimes sex is just "Fun for grown ups"...."
Yep absolutely but theres a line a friend is a friend someone you have sex with is a different level maybe a fwb. I dont know as I dont sleep with my friends

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some lines are just not worth crossing just for sex! you can never go back to how it was

Why? Sometimes sex is just "Fun for grown ups".... Yep absolutely but theres a line a friend is a friend someone you have sex with is a different level maybe a fwb. I dont know as I dont sleep with my friends

I don't need any more friends

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By *aenMan
over a year ago

Here and There

"Some lines are just not worth crossing just for sex! you can never go back to how it was

Totally agree. Once the Genie is out of the bottle you can put it back.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"Some lines are just not worth crossing just for sex! you can never go back to how it was

I don't need any more friends

You can never have too many friends.

Although, according to this thread, I'm a bit of a slag.

I've never viewed a female friend as "like my sister", but then, I've never had a sister.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The consensus appears to be yes but for me it's a no, sorry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some lines are just not worth crossing just for sex! you can never go back to how it was

The line was crossed before the friendship part. No choice was given just a one way flight back to Spain.

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By *rincessvenusCouple
over a year ago

Hull

ahh venus and mars me thinks

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"The consensus appears to be yes but for me it's a no, sorry.

You and me both mate

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The consensus appears to be yes but for me it's a no, sorry.

You and me both mate

Me three

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Definitely can! I have lots of male friends. Not remotely interested in them sexually.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes. My closest, deepest friend is female and we share no intention of "immediately jumping on each other"

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"The consensus appears to be yes but for me it's a no, sorry.

Can I ask why? Seems a bit medieval of you if you think sexual feelings will occur!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Definitely can! I have lots of male friends. Not remotely interested in them sexually. "

For you maybe but what about them?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"The consensus appears to be yes but for me it's a no, sorry.

Can I ask why? Seems a bit medieval of you if you think sexual feelings will occur! "

You appear to have wanted to answer your own question!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As I said earlier. I think there are women who are happy to have business colleagues etc. But then there are women who like to have man options... guys they might fuck if it ever came to it. The former is a genuine platonic friendship. The latter is a bluff.

Maybe I'm cynical but I think many women's "platonic" friendships are the latter. It works fine for them but it fucks with the guy's head

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By *entleman JayMan
over a year ago

Wakefield

I’ve got some lovely single female friends. Not in the slightest bit interested in changing anything.

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By *ubiousOatcakeMan
over a year ago

Aberdeenshire

It’s interesting how many of the ‘yes’ responses have included provisos that the friendship started with sexualised behaviour, or ended in sexualised behaviour, or that one or both of the people involved had sexualised thoughts somewhere along the line.

My favourite, unless I’ve missed a joke, is the person (apologies, I can’t remember who it was) writing about their non-sexual naked spooning, but obviously just as friends. Because naked spooning is what friends just do.

I think, really, it depends on how close a friendship we’re talking. Have I wanted more from every female I’ve been on friendly terms with? No. Have they wanted more from me? Fat chance. But the close friendships? I’d argue it would be unusual for there to be no thoughts of more from either party at any point.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As someone who has been ‘friend zoned’ for years by women I know (and I had that term explained to me by a woman in bed three weeks ago oddly) I can confirm it is possible to be close friends with a woman if you’re a guy, in fact my two best friends are female but sometimes being a friend makes it virtually impossible to get romantic with them.

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By *otgirl32Woman
over a year ago

Ashton Under Lyne

Very interesting discussion and I guess I'm quite the opposite. I have several very close male friends and we have had sex from time to time yet remain very very close friends. When we meet at times it's just chit chat other times it's sex and chit chat. I don't see why good friends can't have sex and still remain friends.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"As I said earlier. I think there are women who are happy to have business colleagues etc. But then there are women who like to have man options... guys they might fuck if it ever came to it. The former is a genuine platonic friendship. The latter is a bluff.

Maybe I'm cynical but I think many women's "platonic" friendships are the latter. It works fine for them but it fucks with the guy's head "

Yep, cynical Mr!! I have no desire to fuck my male friends as been there and done that, didn’t work out. They couldn’t think of anything worse with me either, you get to a point where the thought actually is a turn off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all fun and games until someone catches feelings.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My ex's best friend was a man, he used to sleep there all the time when I was working away and nothing happened.

After we broke up he was there an awful lot making sure she was ok"

What a great friend he was to her

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By *ranimallxl5Man
over a year ago

Winchester

"Sure they can..my mummy is my bestie

Do you mean your actual mummy? If so awwwww

"
haha i was teasing x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe I'm cynical but I think many women's "platonic" friendships are the latter. It works fine for them but it fucks with the guy's head "

How about the guys who pretend to be friends so they can get into the woman's pants?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Right. Can certainly be friends with the opposite sex. One of my best friends in college was a girl. My wife openly admits getting along better with males.

I remember the film when Harry met Sally, and called bulls it when she says, sexual attraction get ms in the way. No, I think having feelings for someone isn’t necessarily a sexual attraction. It can just be, a very strong bond/friendship etc.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My oldest and bestest friend is a girl, we’ve been tight for over twenty years without incident.

I have the utmost respect for her, anyone with that kind of self control amazes me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes they can....but then I tend to fuck my friends so maybe I'm not the best person to ask

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without a doubt op, it's down to social conditioning that prevents opposite sexes being friends mainly I believe!

Without my amazing mix of male (and female) friends, this last year could have ended so different! You guys..

Peach x

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Wandsworth

Men and women can be best friends but if you are in contact regularly, without developing sexual feeling I'd suspect something is off. either you don't spend time doing something together or you both have low libidos. I think the friendship can be maintained as long as there is a distance between both. Who is to say friends can't have sex and still maintain the friendships. Things can get awkward if one of you or both are in a relationship which I think that is where the problem occurs because there are 4 people in that relationship.

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By *2000ManMan
over a year ago

Worthing

I enjoy the company of women much more than men as friends. Easier to talk to, more topics of conversation, better sense of humour. Most men are just into put-downs, sarcasm and one-upmanship specially in groups.

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By *hedevilwearspradaWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere nearby

I had a best mate who was a guy, and we got on brilliantly. Told each other everything, he had keys to my house, so would come round whenever he wanted, would come over in the middle of the night to remove the spider from the bathroom, were each other’s plus one, would bring me ice cream and chocolate when it was my time of the month, when I was a bit mental and cried a lot I’d lie with my head on his lap and he’d stroke my hair. I’d give him advice about women, cook his tea, take him shopping to buy decent clothes and supported him when he made a huge career change. We pretty much came as a package. Like a married couple without the sex.

Then he met his wife. And that’s when it all went a bit wrong. She felt threatened by how close we were, how much I knew about him, how comfortable we were together. Gradually we saw less and less of each other and now we are Facebook friends and say hi we see each other in the town. It makes me a bit sad as I do miss what we had, which is one of the best friendships I’ve ever had.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So would you women who fucked a guy and then ended up being just good friends with them say that the sex wasn't very good? I can see that working.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So would you women who fucked a guy and then ended up being just good friends with them say that the sex wasn't very good? I can see that working. "

No, the sex was fine but we wanted different things. Weren’t compatible long term. I don’t look at any of them in a sexual way now, infact, once the blinkers are off, I now see them as annoying little brothers and wonder what the hell I saw in them. Ha. Not everything is about sex. What about my lesbian friends, should I not be friends with them also in fear of them liking me too much?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I don’t think men and women can be friends! Every man I’ve been friends with has wanted sex so they weren’t my close friends after that and no I didn’t!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally I find men easier to get on with if I’m honest, I don’t think I’m a girly girl and I don’t do gossip either. Men can be friends with women and not have any sexual chemistry in my opinion.

The only ‘girlfriend’ I’ve nevet have to worry about what I say or do in front of and just generally feels ‘right’ passed away last year and I feel it’s unlikely I will ever find another like her.

Geeky x

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"I don’t think men and women can be friends! Every man I’ve been friends with has wanted sex so they weren’t my close friends after that and no I didn’t!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Men and women can be best friends but if you are in contact regularly, without developing sexual feeling I'd suspect something is off. either you don't spend time doing something together or you both have low libidos. I think the friendship can be maintained as long as there is a distance between both. Who is to say friends can't have sex and still maintain the friendships. Things can get awkward if one of you or both are in a relationship which I think that is where the problem occurs because there are 4 people in that relationship."

A voice of reason, well said!

What I think what a lot of people fail to remember is despite all our believed intellectual superiority and thousands of years of evolution we are still animals with all inherent traits and urges.

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By *entish79Man
over a year ago

Glasgow

I’d go along with that. I’d say it is possible, but can be easier or harder depending on a few things. I guess the main ones would be whether either or both was in a relationship, how close they were geographically and how often they saw each other.

Especially if it’s a close friendship that involves the two doing stuff just the two of them, which is going to become difficult when one or both is in a relationship with someone else.

I also hate it when problem say they are *just* friends. Sure, a friendship might not have the physical / sexual element, but a good friendship should never be seen as inferior in some way. All of us want, need even, to connect with people, and those connections don’t have to be physical / sexual.

When a relationship ends, it is understood that there will be a grieving period. It’s a little bit sad sometimes that people may well grieve over the end of a great friendship, but not always get the same understanding and support as if it was the end of a relationship, because it’s *just* a friendship.

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