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"Does using a Lidl carrier bag for the rubbish count? That's about as good as it gets " Ah! In a ironic pastiche look at this trash fashion! I like it. | |||
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"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t "Call yourself Dr...they won't question it. | |||
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"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame" Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy | |||
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"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t
Call yourself Dr...they won't question it. "They would if my second name was shipman | |||
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"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy" I love ironing water | |||
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"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame" I get my Tesco shop online but get it delivered to a friend and have him unpack it into baskets and carry it round like it's been bought fresh from an old-style green grocers. | |||
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"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy I love ironing water "I used to love ironing water but I have a big steam generated iron now so can’t use it. | |||
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"I substitute some bulgur wheat for quinoa, because it's similar but a third of the price." Do you take photos of your meals and share them on Instagram with details of how healthy they are and how you love eating well? | |||
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"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t
Call yourself Dr...they won't question it.
They would if my second name was shipman "Do you have a beard?  | |||
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"I insist on people using both of my surnames if that's how they are talking to me. Double barrelled and nothing less will do." Do you stare at them blankly if they only use one? In that "how dare you attempt to speak to me like that?" kinda way? | |||
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"I use letters after my name in email and mail when I want to throw someone a curved ball....... and no they’re not T.w.a.t
Call yourself Dr...they won't question it.
They would if my second name was shipman
Do you have a beard? "It disappeared during a windy day last year . I’ve not bothered since | |||
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"I drink tea with my pinky finger in the air.." Does your tea have a pronounceable name? Is your cup made of china? | |||
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"I’ll only converse with B&W, or at least sepia, cocks " What about a stern yet thoughtful face half in shadow with a body glistening with sweat? | |||
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"I’ll only converse with B&W, or at least sepia, cocks What about a stern yet thoughtful face half in shadow with a body glistening with sweat? " Sweat  ? The philistines! | |||
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"I take my m&s jute bag to Aldi with me "What you gonna do if M&S go bust?!? Oh, you could go for the retro chic look! | |||
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"I read The Guardian on a building site just to annoy the red top brigade while they look at there rags. There was an excellent article on organic farming and a lovely cous cous recipe in today’s paper that I was pretending to be interested in. " Do you try to engage them in conversation or just peer over the top of your paper and shake your head? | |||
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"I wear a Basque 2 sizes too small so my boobs look bigger XXX" Who needs to breathe when your tits look hot, right?!? | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. " You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is. | |||
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"I’ll only converse with B&W, or at least sepia, cocks What about a stern yet thoughtful face half in shadow with a body glistening with sweat? Sweat ? The philistines!"Oh. It's probably just sprayed on water from one of those plant sorry scooshy bottles. | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is. "Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge. | |||
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"When I can I leave my Fiat around the corner and drive about in my husband's company car! " You should get him to drive you as you sit in the back on your mobile. | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge. "You mean you don't own a smeg? | |||
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"When "people" suggest I use public transport I look at them with a mixture of disdain and contempt. And by "people" I mean the lower classes obviously." I use the underground in London so I can tell my friends of the horrors I have seen. | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg? "No mine was hand made. | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made. "In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made.
In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work"No. My friend Dave. | |||
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"I sit in the best coffee shop in Cambridge all day with my dog eared copy of the Brothers Karamazov (never read) nursing an Americano and taking advantage of the free water refills, I type away on my laptop, it's nonsense on forums but tell people I'm writing a screen play." Hey! Wait a minute  Have you been spying on me?  | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made.
In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work
No. My friend Dave. "Not Dave Smith by any chance? | |||
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"I drink tea with my pinky finger in the air.." Haha love it mate Didn't see you as one of them | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon." Does he speak about you in the third person? | |||
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"I sit in the best coffee shop in Cambridge all day with my dog eared copy of the Brothers Karamazov (never read) nursing an Americano and taking advantage of the free water refills, I type away on my laptop, it's nonsense on forums but tell people I'm writing a screen play. Hey! Wait a minute Have you been spying on me? " | |||
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"What is ironing water?!? I get my friend to iron my clothes at her place so I can pretend I get everything dry cleaned. You can't be as middle class as i am then if you don't know what it is.
Oh no, my hand made from the exotic flowers of the rainforest super expensive washing powder holds it's own scent, I don't need ironing water, I just use my deionised alpine spring water from the glass bottles in my large American fridge.
You mean you don't own a smeg?
No mine was hand made.
In the mountains of the himalayas by virgin maidens one can assume. They are fantastic at metal work
No. My friend Dave.
Not Dave Smith by any chance?
"Just Dave. | |||
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"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men" With a pullover? | |||
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"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men With a pullover?" A lambswool one. I'm so chic | |||
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"When I can I leave my Fiat around the corner and drive about in my husband's company car! You should get him to drive you as you sit in the back on your mobile. " Yes I should. Next left James... I didn't think about m&s going bust. Where will I get my 50p out of date ready meals?? Which I *obviously* peel the yellow stickers off of!!! | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon. Does he speak about you in the third person? " Of course. 
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping. | |||
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"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men With a pullover? A lambswool one. I'm so chic" Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at. | |||
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"When I can I leave my Fiat around the corner and drive about in my husband's company car! You should get him to drive you as you sit in the back on your mobile. Yes I should. Next left James... I didn't think about m&s going bust. Where will I get my 50p out of date ready meals?? Which I *obviously* peel the yellow stickers off of!!!" Food bank. Pretend you go there to volunteer. | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon. Does he speak about you in the third person? Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping. "Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill? | |||
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"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men With a pullover? A lambswool one. I'm so chic Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at. " In my crocodile skin loafers as well  | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon. Does he speak about you in the third person? Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping.
Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill?"My PA does "that kind of thing" on my behalf. I insist he uses a quill from one my estate peacocks, this allows me to tell people I live off the land in a smug and supercilious manner. I'm nothing if not environmentally friendly dahhling. | |||
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"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men With a pullover? A lambswool one. I'm so chic Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at. In my crocodile skin loafers as well "Pfffft get yourself some white rhino. They're endangered don't you know? | |||
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"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals. " Not a tenner for a blowie professional one hope's. .... | |||
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"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals. Not a tenner for a blowie professional one hope's. ...." Gotta add that London inflation on! | |||
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"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals. Not a tenner for a blowie professional one hope's. .... Gotta add that London inflation on! " Inflation? You do know you're supposed to suck not blow | |||
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"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals. Not a tenner for a blowie professional one hope's. .... Gotta add that London inflation on! Inflation? You do know you're supposed to suck not blow " | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon." Pfft, undermined by your lack of use of the acute é though... | |||
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"I only wear salmon pink cords all other trousers are for lesser men With a pullover? A lambswool one. I'm so chic Lambswool is so last season. Alpaca wool is where it's at. In my crocodile skin loafers as well
Pfffft get yourself some white rhino. They're endangered don't you know?"Snow leopard undies get me going all day | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon. Pfft, undermined by your lack of use of the acute é though..." I have just dismissed my PA. | |||
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"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals. " Do you carry a briefcase and look harassed? | |||
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"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance " Change would be a fine thing. *see what I did there? | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon. Does he speak about you in the third person? Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping.
Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill?
My PA does "that kind of thing" on my behalf. I insist he uses a quill from one my estate peacocks, this allows me to tell people I live off the land in a smug and supercilious manner.
I'm nothing if not environmentally friendly dahhling. "Do you grow your own vegetables but reject them if they are misshapen? | |||
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"Decadent, heavens no I'm as normal as the next chap. Just sent the butler shopping "For? | |||
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"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance " I do this outside our Little Waitrose. It’s classier. | |||
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"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom" "Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase | |||
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"Im far too tight for any of this" Tight arsed because you walk like there's a tenner up there you are trying to hold on to? | |||
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"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase"Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr | |||
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"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance " I know. I walk past you and shake my head in disgust but later send you a notelette handwritten by a calligraphist congratulating your selfless act of attempting to connect with and understand the lower classes. | |||
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"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance I do this outside our Little Waitrose. It’s classier. " Oh god no someone might recognise me.... | |||
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"Sending introductory opening messages is so passe. I have one of my PA team send them on my behalf, including a picture of his cock. I also use words like passe to give the impression of intellect and affect an air of bon vivon. Same with the words bon vivon. Does he speak about you in the third person? Of course.
When I'm on the phone and people ask what they can hear in the background I tell them it's either the peacocks mating or the team who look after my animals are Swan tupping.
Do you take notes with a peacock feather quill?
My PA does "that kind of thing" on my behalf. I insist he uses a quill from one my estate peacocks, this allows me to tell people I live off the land in a smug and supercilious manner.
I'm nothing if not environmentally friendly dahhling.
Do you grow your own vegetables but reject them if they are misshapen? "Only perfect vegetables ever reach my tableau. One assumes ones staff donate those that are sub standard to the poor. | |||
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"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase
Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr "Mange tout, mange tout...... | |||
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"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame Ironing water !!! Wow I’m not worthy I love ironing water
I used to love ironing water but I have a big steam generated iron now so can’t use it. "That would cost a fortune. I don't own an iron now. | |||
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"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase
Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr "I love a man who can scream "J'arrive!!" as he cums. | |||
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"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance I know. I walk past you and shake my head in disgust but later send you a notelette handwritten by a calligraphist congratulating your selfless act of attempting to connect with and understand the lower classes. " You call yourself pretentious and yet decided to go with selfless rather than the far more appropriate and alluringly alliterative 'altruistic'? For shame Madam! For shame! | |||
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"People on here aren’t pretentious "No we are all just perfect. | |||
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"Who me? Pretentious? No never. As Jacques Derrida once said "mah oui mon charcuterie avec les deconstruction n'est pas une mille squidgy pom pom"
Google traduction a donné la plus belle décomposition de cette phrase
Ça veut rien dire ! Mdrr
Mange tout, mange tout......"Otherwise known as "Man get out, man get out..." | |||
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"Once a week I sit outside my local Londis in a puddle of my own urine asking for spare chance I know. I walk past you and shake my head in disgust but later send you a notelette handwritten by a calligraphist congratulating your selfless act of attempting to connect with and understand the lower classes. You call yourself pretentious and yet decided to go with selfless rather than the far more appropriate and alluringly alliterative 'altruistic'? For shame Madam! For shame!" I was describing your motivation not mine. | |||
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"I hang around the city district and pretend I’m one of them professionals. " Please tell me you’ve got a 3 litre Ford Capri and you stand there nonchalantly leaning on the roof with the door open | |||
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"When making guacamole, I mix the Hass avocados with mushy peas to make them go further. Nobody has noticed yet." Oh. Are the peas homegrown? | |||
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"I only use the finest oil based artist coloured pencils for my colouring, thank you very much. " Do you color books made for you by the latest up and coming artist? | |||
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"We cook guests Turkey drumsticks and tell them its swan as were on the Queens friends list "What do you serve them with? | |||
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"I only use the finest oil based artist coloured pencils for my colouring, thank you very much. Do you color books made for you by the latest up and coming artist?" I wish. But Johanna Basford is rather marvellous all the same. | |||
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"I only use the finest oil based artist coloured pencils for my colouring, thank you very much. Do you color books made for you by the latest up and coming artist? I wish. But Johanna Basford is rather marvellous all the same. " Just scroll a note and sign the inside cover and say she gave it to you personally  | |||
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"We only listen to vinyls Music just doesn’t sound right any other way We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables " Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience? | |||
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"I only use French butter. In fact. I’m a butter geek. And proud. " Do you have it specially imported? | |||
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"I won’t drink pints of beer or cider out of traditional style pint glasses (like the carling or strogbow branded one) They have to be in something a little less common looking
"A welly? It'll be the newest trend! | |||
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"We only listen to vinyls Music just doesn’t sound right any other way We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience?" Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston | |||
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"I get my butler to dress down and join me as I shop around Waitrose. Then, when people are in earshot he says things like "They're out of truffles m'lud" and I act all shocked and say "Shhh Jeeves. Remember, it's not m'lud when we're out." It's a laugh a minute in my life." Oh how fun it is to frollick with the natives! | |||
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"We only listen to vinyls Music just doesn’t sound right any other way We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience? Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston "Oh I see! Do you manage the perfect painted on smile expressions? | |||
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"I have all the windows wound up in the car on hot sunny days so people think i have air conditioning, i actually dont have air con? I Also turn the engine off at traffic lights so poeple think its an eco friendly car "Oh! You should change your name to match your numberplate. | |||
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"We only listen to vinyls Music just doesn’t sound right any other way We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience? Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston
Oh I see! Do you manage the perfect painted on smile expressions? "All day everyday Right up until Horlick time dear | |||
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"We only listen to vinyls Music just doesn’t sound right any other way We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables Do you clear the room of furniture and sit in the middle for the ultimate acoustic experience? Furniture
Sit
No, no my dear, we must have room to Charleston
Oh I see! Do you manage the perfect painted on smile expressions?
All day everyday
Right up until Horlick time dear "Do you retire to your twin beds after? | |||
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"Im going to put "professional" in my profile" Oooft! That's pushing it a bit far!! | |||
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"Im going to put "professional" in my profile" I thought your profile picture was a vibrator. | |||
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"I won’t drink pints of beer or cider out of traditional style pint glasses (like the carling or strogbow branded one) They have to be in something a little less common looking
A welly? It'll be the newest trend! "Not bad... I’d imagine an old boot would add a bit of flavour too! | |||
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"We only listen to vinyls Music just doesn’t sound right any other way We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables " Now that, squire, is just elementary common sense. It is not tumorosus, as the latin vernacular would have it | |||
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"We only listen to vinyls Music just doesn’t sound right any other way We have an extensive collection to be played exclusively on our original technics turntables Now that, squire, is just elementary common sense. It is not tumorosus, as the latin vernacular would have it "Good lord what wonderful use of the Queens English my man , rah rah | |||
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"Im going to put "professional" in my profile I thought your profile picture was a vibrator. " Nope,its a cup of bovril | |||
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"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame" Oh Christ, I think I need to get my glasses checked, I read that as "Ironic water".... I was like, wtf... can you get me some sarcasm juice too lol? | |||
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"Im going to put "professional" in my profile I thought your profile picture was a vibrator. Nope,its a cup of bovril" Ah. I thought it was a cotton reel | |||
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"When making guacamole, I mix the Hass avocados with mushy peas to make them go further. Nobody has noticed yet. Oh. Are the peas homegrown? " They are and hand podded and skinned. I import the avocados though but don’t tell anyone. | |||
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"I only use French butter. In fact. I’m a butter geek. And proud. " ...from grass fed cows I hope. | |||
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"Im going to put "professional" in my profile I thought your profile picture was a vibrator. " Me too, we are so made for each other.  | |||
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"I use those hessian bags for life from waitrose whilst shopping in sainsburys making out that i am having to shop there out of desperation as waitrose have run out of my essential ironing water. The shame Oh Christ, I think I need to get my glasses checked, I read that as "Ironic water".... I was like, wtf... can you get me some sarcasm juice too lol? "Would that be "do you want me to pour myself too?" or "slimming? you? good luck with that" flavour? | |||
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"Does putting your primark clothes in a Harrods bag count? "Is it a fabric bag? | |||
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"Fill up my Evian water bottle with tap water for carrying around on hot days. Not sure if it's pretentious or cheap. " If you reseal it its pretentious | |||
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"Does putting your primark clothes in a Harrods bag count?
Is it a fabric bag? "Ooh good point, give me back my eco friendly paper primark bag | |||
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"We cook guests Turkey drumsticks and tell them its swan as were on the Queens friends list
What do you serve them with?"Finest fish eggs....opps sorry caviar | |||
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"Does putting your primark clothes in a Harrods bag count?
Is it a fabric bag?
Ooh good point, give me back my eco friendly paper primark bag "Get a brown pen and colour in the letters  | |||
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"I drive a taxi but tell people I'm a chauffeur " Do you wear a hat? | |||
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"We cook guests Turkey drumsticks and tell them its swan as were on the Queens friends list
What do you serve them with?
Finest fish eggs....opps sorry caviar" | |||
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"I'm currently masquerading as another Fabber in order to cultivate an air of availability and allure. I shall answer all private messages with the response "would you like tea?"" Haha I love your style dude. Wouldn't it be great if Fab was a little more playful like this from time to time | |||
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"What's the most pretentious thing you do? I buy £10 magazines that I don't actually read but have them laying around as if I live in an a posh dentist's waiting room. " Hmm well i still have a heap of physics books I refuse to throw out. Am i going to read them again?. No mam. | |||
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"I only use French butter. In fact. I’m a butter geek. And proud. Do you have it specially imported? " Thankfully supermarkets do that part | |||
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