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sub/Dom

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I know a lot of people identify as either sub or Dom and meet specifically to play in that way but I'm just wondering if you can explain to me how?

For me the way I am with someone depends a lot on them, how I feel with them and how I react to them. But how can you know that in advance?

Do you meet them with intentions of being a certain way? In that case is it kinda a bit of role-play? If you're naturally one or the other do you just stick with that therefore it's not an organic response to who you are with, it's predetermined?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

An interesting question and one to which I am sure there are many answers.

Personally although I am more submissive by nature, it's not something I look for in each and every relationship I forge, and certainly not in the context of meets from Fab, although it is something I am open to with the right person(s).

I actually believe that each and every one of us have some people we are more dominant with, some we are more submissive with, and yet others we're on an equal par with, and that is guided by both personalities, and applies just as much in every day life as it does in a sexual context.

I'm just as happy playing an equal role in a sexual context as I am taking a submissive one, but I can't be dominant, not in a D/s way anyway.

Putting the Dom side away, as it doesn't really apply, how the other two roles come out for me is usually through a "sense" of finding someone more dominant, and allowing them to take that control - now that can be subconsciously in normal play, or in a more structured way in a D/s situation.

Someone once said to me about a Dom that "you just know" and that's the simplest way of explaining it - you do "just know" when you're in a more submissive position to another.

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"So I know a lot of people identify as either sub or Dom and meet specifically to play in that way but I'm just wondering if you can explain to me how?

For me the way I am with someone depends a lot on them, how I feel with them and how I react to them. But how can you know that in advance?

Do you meet them with intentions of being a certain way? In that case is it kinda a bit of role-play? If you're naturally one or the other do you just stick with that therefore it's not an organic response to who you are with, it's predetermined? "
Being dom is congruent with who I am - if someone I am playing with would prefer a sub partner it isn't for me. But it's emphatically not about role play, and I'll bet there are people who have played with us in clubs who have no idea we are dom and sub. I do seek out people who wish to be sub - which is how I encountered kaz. Other people have different ways of doing d/s but there is no substitute for an open discussion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Someone once said to me about a Dom that "you just know" and that's the simplest way of explaining it - you do "just know" when you're in a more submissive position to another."

I guess that's a lot to do with it but I don't really get how people know before meeting?

For me I tend to be more Dominant in the bedroom but I find that if I disclose that or make it obvious during a conversation with someone then things tend to lead that way and the prospect of meeting is often based on it, like we are meeting to be that way, for me to be in control.

But I am naturally shy and meeting someone is nerve-racking so that side of me might not come out unless I force it. It would depend how I felt with them at the time.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

Someone once said to me about a Dom that "you just know" and that's the simplest way of explaining it - you do "just know" when you're in a more submissive position to another.

I guess that's a lot to do with it but I don't really get how people know before meeting?

For me I tend to be more Dominant in the bedroom but I find that if I disclose that or make it obvious during a conversation with someone then things tend to lead that way and the prospect of meeting is often based on it, like we are meeting to be that way, for me to be in control.

But I am naturally shy and meeting someone is nerve-racking so that side of me might not come out unless I force it. It would depend how I felt with them at the time. "

The answer to that one is you can't possibly know before meeting, not unless you have exchanged lots of open and honest messages specifically structured around D/s in which a sense of someone's dominance or submission can be gained, and even then it won't be fully "known" without meeting.

I guess the answer to the second part of that lies in making it clear before meeting what you are looking for and setting expectations accordingly. If I were meeting someone that had touched on D/s dynamics during previous discussions on-line, I'd have wanted to expand on them and fully understand expectations before having any of my own.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Being dom is congruent with who I am - if someone I am playing with would prefer a sub partner it isn't for me. But it's emphatically not about role play, and I'll bet there are people who have played with us in clubs who have no idea we are dom and sub. I do seek out people who wish to be sub - which is how I encountered kaz. Other people have different ways of doing d/s but there is no substitute for an open discussion."
yeah I totally understand it is a natural way of being. Most people have that.

I guess it came up from thinking about subs. Like how can they know they will want that person to be in control?

For me the appeal D/s play is the relationship and dynamic, I'm just curious how someone can have that with someone they are meeting for a first time I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I know a lot of people identify as either sub or Dom and meet specifically to play in that way but I'm just wondering if you can explain to me how?

For me the way I am with someone depends a lot on them, how I feel with them and how I react to them. But how can you know that in advance?

Do you meet them with intentions of being a certain way? In that case is it kinda a bit of role-play? If you're naturally one or the other do you just stick with that therefore it's not an organic response to who you are with, it's predetermined? "

I understand you fully. I wouldn’t class myself as either sub or Dom as it depends who I’m with. I have met women who take control and seem strict and my sub side appears but then I meet a woman that’s longing for a mans control and my Dom side appears, sometimes neither we just make love like wild animals but it all depends on the two people at that time

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

Lots of doms/subs normally talk open about this before meeting but for it to work properly the dynamics have to be right....if it all comes together then this can be amazing for both.

I have been a dom to a couple of women before and from experience its women who are in control either at home or work seek something from the norm

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it can evolve and that can be due to becoming experienced. A lot of it is mind play.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Someone once said to me about a Dom that "you just know" and that's the simplest way of explaining it - you do "just know" when you're in a more submissive position to another.

I guess that's a lot to do with it but I don't really get how people know before meeting?

For me I tend to be more Dominant in the bedroom but I find that if I disclose that or make it obvious during a conversation with someone then things tend to lead that way and the prospect of meeting is often based on it, like we are meeting to be that way, for me to be in control.

But I am naturally shy and meeting someone is nerve-racking so that side of me might not come out unless I force it. It would depend how I felt with them at the time.

The answer to that one is you can't possibly know before meeting, not unless you have exchanged lots of open and honest messages specifically structured around D/s in which a sense of someone's dominance or submission can be gained, and even then it won't be fully "known" without meeting.

I guess the answer to the second part of that lies in making it clear before meeting what you are looking for and setting expectations accordingly. If I were meeting someone that had touched on D/s dynamics during previous discussions on-line, I'd have wanted to expand on them and fully understand expectations before having any of my own."

I guess I just don't see how there can be trust straight away. Like some people are happy to be restrained by a stranger.

For me too the rougher type of play tends to come because of built up emotion, I just can't guarantee I will feel that or want it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I understand you fully. I wouldn’t class myself as either sub or Dom as it depends who I’m with. I have met women who take control and seem strict and my sub side appears but then I meet a woman that’s longing for a mans control and my Dom side appears, sometimes neither we just make love like wild animals but it all depends on the two people at that time"

Yeah it's a reaction. And interaction, finding your fit with someone. I don't feel completely one or the other, I'm intrigued by people who do.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Lots of doms/subs normally talk open about this before meeting but for it to work properly the dynamics have to be right....if it all comes together then this can be amazing for both.

I have been a dom to a couple of women before and from experience its women who are in control either at home or work seek something from the norm"

It is the dynamics I'm interested in really. Like if someone identifies as sub and has a list of things they are looking for if a Dom takes that on board are they meeting as 2 people who will react naturally to each other or are they meeting as 2 people with preconceived roles?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I understand you fully. I wouldn’t class myself as either sub or Dom as it depends who I’m with. I have met women who take control and seem strict and my sub side appears but then I meet a woman that’s longing for a mans control and my Dom side appears, sometimes neither we just make love like wild animals but it all depends on the two people at that time

Yeah it's a reaction. And interaction, finding your fit with someone. I don't feel completely one or the other, I'm intrigued by people who do. "

I actually would want to categorise myself as anything because what if I change my mind.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

Someone once said to me about a Dom that "you just know" and that's the simplest way of explaining it - you do "just know" when you're in a more submissive position to another.

I guess that's a lot to do with it but I don't really get how people know before meeting?

For me I tend to be more Dominant in the bedroom but I find that if I disclose that or make it obvious during a conversation with someone then things tend to lead that way and the prospect of meeting is often based on it, like we are meeting to be that way, for me to be in control.

But I am naturally shy and meeting someone is nerve-racking so that side of me might not come out unless I force it. It would depend how I felt with them at the time.

The answer to that one is you can't possibly know before meeting, not unless you have exchanged lots of open and honest messages specifically structured around D/s in which a sense of someone's dominance or submission can be gained, and even then it won't be fully "known" without meeting.

I guess the answer to the second part of that lies in making it clear before meeting what you are looking for and setting expectations accordingly. If I were meeting someone that had touched on D/s dynamics during previous discussions on-line, I'd have wanted to expand on them and fully understand expectations before having any of my own.

I guess I just don't see how there can be trust straight away. Like some people are happy to be restrained by a stranger.

For me too the rougher type of play tends to come because of built up emotion, I just can't guarantee I will feel that or want it. "

Of course it's about trust and respect and that can only be built over time - D/s play doesn't have to include restraint or can include light restraint that is more symbolic than restraining (and easily got out of), likewise with any other form of play (D/s or otherwise) you build it over time as you get to know someone.

There are many things I would not consider doing on a first meet because they require trust or are particularly intimate etc

Ultimately though we each set out own boundaries and things we are comfortable with and so long as it's done from an informed position then there is no right or wrong way of doing it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think it can evolve and that can be due to becoming experienced. A lot of it is mind play. "

Yeah the connection is so important.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are a lot of lads on here who call themselves dom or mrgrey ( ) without actually having a clue what it entails..

Most are just bossy..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"So I know a lot of people identify as either sub or Dom and meet specifically to play in that way but I'm just wondering if you can explain to me how?

For me the way I am with someone depends a lot on them, how I feel with them and how I react to them. But how can you know that in advance?

Do you meet them with intentions of being a certain way? In that case is it kinda a bit of role-play? If you're naturally one or the other do you just stick with that therefore it's not an organic response to who you are with, it's predetermined? "

Looking at your profile pic I think I would want to dom that arse, it’s lovely xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

I actually would want to categorise myself as anything because what if I change my mind. "
it's fun to do it halfway through

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Of course it's about trust and respect and that can only be built over time - D/s play doesn't have to include restraint or can include light restraint that is more symbolic than restraining (and easily got out of), likewise with any other form of play (D/s or otherwise) you build it over time as you get to know someone.

There are many things I would not consider doing on a first meet because they require trust or are particularly intimate etc

Ultimately though we each set out own boundaries and things we are comfortable with and so long as it's done from an informed position then there is no right or wrong way of doing it."

Of course. I guess my train of thought came from people I know and the way they play. I have a friend who would say a meet was unsuccessful if she didn't come home bruised. She can't explain it to me why that is or how she can instinctively play that way, like to trust a man to be rough with her.

Don't get me wrong I fully appreciate she's a grown woman free to make her choices, I just find it interesting how people can just "be".

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"There are a lot of lads on here who call themselves dom or mrgrey ( ) without actually having a clue what it entails..

Most are just bossy..

"

Yeah pulling hair and smacking a bum do not make a Dom!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I actually would want to categorise myself as anything because what if I change my mind. it's fun to do it halfway through "

Exactly and I’ve done that many of times. Anything goes when I’m that way out

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Looking at your profile pic I think I would want to dom that arse, it’s lovely xx "

Thanks. You should be warned you're likely to leave with broken fingers if you tried though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Looking at your profile pic I think I would want to dom that arse, it’s lovely xx

Thanks. You should be warned you're likely to leave with broken fingers if you tried though. "

As long as you don’t break my whip

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire

Personally i am more submissive, im just not sexually dominant in any way shape or form. In generally life its very similar though, i find it difficult in a superior position to instruct others and often end up doing things myself because of that.

If i were meetung from here it wouldnt necessarily be in the submissive sense, sex can be on equal levels rather than sub/dom. Its who i am rather than how i act in situations

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Perhaps the key word is dynamic and rather than pigeon holing meets or relationships. The dynamic can often be flexible enough that the labels take second place to the interactions with another.

That dynamic is probably in reality far more flexible than the traditional understanding or misunderstanding of sub and dom and more about the physical and emotional connection between people and the sensitivity to another to understand feel and explore that the shared experience so that each experiences equal satisfaction stimulation and pleasure.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit


"

Of course. I guess my train of thought came from people I know and the way they play. I have a friend who would say a meet was unsuccessful if she didn't come home bruised. She can't explain it to me why that is or how she can instinctively play that way, like to trust a man to be rough with her.

Don't get me wrong I fully appreciate she's a grown woman free to make her choices, I just find it interesting how people can just "be". "

I guess ultimately the way you have to look at it is the same as any other meet on here - how do you "know" that not only do you want to get naked with someone, but that you trust them enough to go to a hotel room or similar alone with them? Just because what might happen in that hotel room is different the build up and dynamics are the same.

Beyond that it comes down to individual preferences about the style of play.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

For me it would discussed prior to meeting up with someone as I'm not really that whole dynamic. However it can be fun!!

What really cheeses me off is When guys presume I'm subby because they've seen a pic of me tied up

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Personally i am more submissive, im just not sexually dominant in any way shape or form. In generally life its very similar though, i find it difficult in a superior position to instruct others and often end up doing things myself because of that.

If i were meetung from here it wouldnt necessarily be in the submissive sense, sex can be on equal levels rather than sub/dom. Its who i am rather than how i act in situations"

That's how I approach things in general too. See how it feels with that person and if it naturally leads a certain way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I suppose im a little old fashioned and naive when it comes to this stuff i dont really understand what half the things on profiles actually mean all this dom/sub cuck stuff

Maybe one day i will

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"For me it would discussed prior to meeting up with someone as I'm not really that whole dynamic. However it can be fun!!

What really cheeses me off is When guys presume I'm subby because they've seen a pic of me tied up "

I hate that. Assumptions!

There is a definite leaning towards guys thinking all women are that way too, that we all crave a spanking and being put "in our place".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me it depends on my connection with the other person. But from reading threads on here I'm doing it all wrong anyway.

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall


"Lots of doms/subs normally talk open about this before meeting but for it to work properly the dynamics have to be right....if it all comes together then this can be amazing for both.

I have been a dom to a couple of women before and from experience its women who are in control either at home or work seek something from the norm

It is the dynamics I'm interested in really. Like if someone identifies as sub and has a list of things they are looking for if a Dom takes that on board are they meeting as 2 people who will react naturally to each other or are they meeting as 2 people with preconceived roles?"

Over time and many chats a rapport is built up to form an understanding between the two...my aim would be to push the subs boundaries thus creating more excitement. A good sub will take this on board and reap the rewards.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

For me I naturally gravitate towards more dominant men. Dominant men challenge me more and I get bored when chatting to guys who arnt that way so wouldn't meet someone that couldn't challenge me.

I don't necessarily mean Ds play although I do enjoy that but I mean men that can naturally make me at their will. Whether it's getting me to do things out of my natural comfort zone or just having a commanding nature about them.

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By *lla_maiWoman
over a year ago

staffordshire


"Personally i am more submissive, im just not sexually dominant in any way shape or form. In generally life its very similar though, i find it difficult in a superior position to instruct others and often end up doing things myself because of that.

If i were meetung from here it wouldnt necessarily be in the submissive sense, sex can be on equal levels rather than sub/dom. Its who i am rather than how i act in situations

That's how I approach things in general too. See how it feels with that person and if it naturally leads a certain way. "

To be honest although i am quite submissive, i dont necessarily class sex as a major part of D/s (not for myself anyways). I can seperate the 2 if that makes sense

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

If someone is that way inclined, I'm happy for us to discuss it - on the understanding that there needs to be trust to play that way. Plenty of people contact me who are into more vanilla play and that's fine - plenty of others contact me who fancy themselves that way but if it's not a natural demeanour for them to be Dom, that comes across and it's not quite the same.

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By *oungalpha20Man
over a year ago

North West /Cumbria

I'm a natural dom. When I get with some who doesn't like dom guys it's hard not too be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Being naturally submissive I find I automatically attract or am attracted to Dominant/alpha/confident men. It’s not a case of role play, it’s just how I am sexually and how my mind and body reacts to sexual situations. I can honestly say hand on heart, I don’t have a single dominant bone in my body. Regular vanilla play is fine, but even then I find it hard if the male isn’t taking the lead.

The label Dom and sub is very generalist, every one is different and unique. Personally, I would describe myself as a playful submissive, because I would take offence to being referred to as a slut or whore, or being humiliated etc. The whole D/s world is a massive toy box of different things to try. It’s no longer seen as just a man in a black leather coat and trousers using whips and chains to control a submissive.

Some submissives need to be physical abused, some need the mental constraints a Domiant can offer and some need both.

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By *oungalpha20Man
over a year ago

North West /Cumbria


"Being naturally submissive I find I automatically attract or am attracted to Dominant/alpha/confident men. It’s not a case of role play, it’s just how I am sexually and how my mind and body reacts to sexual situations. I can honestly say hand on heart, I don’t have a single dominant bone in my body. Regular vanilla play is fine, but even then I find it hard if the male isn’t taking the lead.

The label Dom and sub is very generalist, every one is different and unique. Personally, I would describe myself as a playful submissive, because I would take offence to being referred to as a slut or whore, or being humiliated etc. The whole D/s world is a massive toy box of different things to try. It’s no longer seen as just a man in a black leather coat and trousers using whips and chains to control a submissive.

Some submissives need to be physical abused, some need the mental constraints a Domiant can offer and some need both. "

Reading this and thinking to myself,I'm more of the mental side. Whips and chains is abit hardcore dom for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Being naturally submissive I find I automatically attract or am attracted to Dominant/alpha/confident men. It’s not a case of role play, it’s just how I am sexually and how my mind and body reacts to sexual situations. I can honestly say hand on heart, I don’t have a single dominant bone in my body. Regular vanilla play is fine, but even then I find it hard if the male isn’t taking the lead.

The label Dom and sub is very generalist, every one is different and unique. Personally, I would describe myself as a playful submissive, because I would take offence to being referred to as a slut or whore, or being humiliated etc. The whole D/s world is a massive toy box of different things to try. It’s no longer seen as just a man in a black leather coat and trousers using whips and chains to control a submissive.

Some submissives need to be physical abused, some need the mental constraints a Domiant can offer and some need both.

Reading this and thinking to myself,I'm more of the mental side. Whips and chains is abit hardcore dom for me. "

I find a Dominant who’s approach is very aggressive a big turn off for me. However, a dominant who can capture my mind will receive my complete adoration and worship.

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By *oungalpha20Man
over a year ago

North West /Cumbria

For me it's all about seducing the mind first.

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By *r genuine oneMan
over a year ago

walsall

Being dominant is not about being aggressive its more a trust thing and being in charge...mutual respect needs to be found early on in order to gain trust to push the subs boundaries.

Any genuine subs please pm me x

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By *heIcebreakersCouple
over a year ago

Cramlington


"Being dom is congruent with who I am - if someone I am playing with would prefer a sub partner it isn't for me. But it's emphatically not about role play, and I'll bet there are people who have played with us in clubs who have no idea we are dom and sub. I do seek out people who wish to be sub - which is how I encountered kaz. Other people have different ways of doing d/s but there is no substitute for an open discussion. yeah I totally understand it is a natural way of being. Most people have that.

I guess it came up from thinking about subs. Like how can they know they will want that person to be in control?

For me the appeal D/s play is the relationship and dynamic, I'm just curious how someone can have that with someone they are meeting for a first time I guess. "

By talking first, which any sane person will do if they are going to be alone with someone who could hurt them.

Before I met Carter for the first time we had talked for several months online. I knew I wanted to submit to him, in fact some begging may have been involved

Communication is at the heart of D/s

(Kaz)

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