FabSwingers.com forum: bit of help please

By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

going through a bit of a hard time, and talking to a girl I'm pretty close yo who I used to be with,

but I do still want her but not sure if I do at the sane time, so kind of stuck in the middle

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Does she want you?

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Does she want you? "

yes she does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How can we help?

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"How can we help?"

We could recommend suitable tracks by The Smiths/Portishead/Leonard Cohen etc etc?

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"How can we help?"

I have been thinking, like she pretty much walked over me before and things never really changed, and she says they will but I'm not sure if they can or not,

And I hadn't been happy for months

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else."

it's never that easy just to walk

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk"

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"How can we help?

We could recommend suitable tracks by The Smiths/Portishead/Leonard Cohen etc etc?"

Where's the hangman's noose emoji when ya need it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go back... And it will happen again.

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?"

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk"

Unless you have children or property it is relatively easy. You don't want to walk away, for whatever reason, and that makes it difficult.

Only you can make the decision.

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Go back... And it will happen again."

that's what I'm worried about and I don't fancy feeling this way again

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be "

If you have children together then you can't walk away from them but that doesn't mean you have to walk back to her.

Is there anything positive that makes you want to be with her?

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be

If you have children together then you can't walk away from them but that doesn't mean you have to walk back to her.

Is there anything positive that makes you want to be with her?

when it's good it's brilliant, we have a laugh and everything,

but when it's bad, just makes me not want to be there, I no relationships aren't easy and it's not all good, but it's a lot more bad

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Only you can make the decision.

The choice is yours, you decide.....

*said in a Jawdee accent

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Can you just keep it casual to begin with? See how that goes?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be

If you have children together then you can't walk away from them but that doesn't mean you have to walk back to her.

Is there anything positive that makes you want to be with her?

when it's good it's brilliant, we have a laugh and everything,

but when it's bad, just makes me not want to be there, I no relationships aren't easy and it's not all good, but it's a lot more bad"

I think you’ve just answered your own question matey

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Can you just keep it casual to begin with? See how that goes? "

we have spoke about it, just seeing how we think, I just don't no

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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be

If you have children together then you can't walk away from them but that doesn't mean you have to walk back to her.

Is there anything positive that makes you want to be with her?

when it's good it's brilliant, we have a laugh and everything,

but when it's bad, just makes me not want to be there, I no relationships aren't easy and it's not all good, but it's a lot more bad"

Is she coercive/controlling and/or violent?

How often is it good compared to how often it is bad? How do the children feel when it's bad?

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By *oungalpha20Man
over a year ago

North West /Cumbria

If you're stuck on what to do then you've already doubted the situation. Can see it getting messy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go to counselling together.

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be

If you have children together then you can't walk away from them but that doesn't mean you have to walk back to her.

Is there anything positive that makes you want to be with her?

when it's good it's brilliant, we have a laugh and everything,

but when it's bad, just makes me not want to be there, I no relationships aren't easy and it's not all good, but it's a lot more bad

Is she coercive/controlling and/or violent?

How often is it good compared to how often it is bad? How do the children feel when it's bad?

try and keep it away from them,

And not violent just more verbal

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is she worth risking it all for OP?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"going through a bit of a hard time, and talking to a girl I'm pretty close yo who I used to be with,

but I do still want her but not sure if I do at the sane time, so kind of stuck in the middle "

Dont go back. Fuck her, do anal just dont go back. If theres pride in you man dobt go back. Was in the same place you are a moment ago

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By *ames3212 OP Man
over a year ago

sunderland

"Is she worth risking it all for OP?"

at times I think yes and at times no, I just don't no

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be

If you have children together then you can't walk away from them but that doesn't mean you have to walk back to her.

Is there anything positive that makes you want to be with her?

when it's good it's brilliant, we have a laugh and everything,

but when it's bad, just makes me not want to be there, I no relationships aren't easy and it's not all good, but it's a lot more bad

Is she coercive/controlling and/or violent?

How often is it good compared to how often it is bad? How do the children feel when it's bad?

try and keep it away from them,

And not violent just more verbal"

Don't get back ' for the sake of the children or stay together for the sake of the children ' it just screws up kids.

I know I stayed with my ex for the kids and they remember all the bad stuff non of the good stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Walk away. If you really wanted her you wouldn't have to ask anyone else.

it's never that easy just to walk

You said she walked all over you and you don't think it'll change. You hadn't been happy for months. Why is it difficult?

kids and stuff that has gone on recently, it's harder than it should be

If you have children together then you can't walk away from them but that doesn't mean you have to walk back to her.

Is there anything positive that makes you want to be with her?

when it's good it's brilliant, we have a laugh and everything,

but when it's bad, just makes me not want to be there, I no relationships aren't easy and it's not all good, but it's a lot more bad

Is she coercive/controlling and/or violent?

How often is it good compared to how often it is bad? How do the children feel when it's bad?

try and keep it away from them,

And not violent just more verbal

Don't get back ' for the sake of the children or stay together for the sake of the children ' it just screws up kids.

I know I stayed with my ex for the kids and they remember all the bad stuff non of the good stuff."

So true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Go back... And it will happen again.

that's what I'm worried about and I don't fancy feeling this way again"

There's your answer surely?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I'd not sustain contact whilst I determined for myself whether to continue or not. It's not just about emotions, as it's potentially too easy to remain in the wrong relationship, even if we love someone.

Love alone isn't a good enough reason to continue a relationship imo.

If a relationship isn't mutually right, it's not good enough.

Being single, even having to feel loss and pain, is better than becoming congealed Ina relationship that doesn't support your growth. We usually need to fall out of love, reforming ourselves as the new single person that we become, when we split up.

Not allowing ourselves to re-establish ourselves fully means that we can sustain the less healthy aspects of ourselves that use any relationship as a kind of sticking plaster to tide us over.

This is not being anti relationship, merely feedback upon our ebbs and flows, moving between us, as part of a couple and us when single. Just as with seasons, varying tempos and our growth needs vary.

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

You're all so sensible (not a bad thing!) I'd say nothing ventured nothing gained though. Won't you regret it if you don't give it another chance to see what happens?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you didn't have children, I'd ask you if you'd later regret not giving the relationship another chance. I'd go for it simply because you know what the worst case scenario would be. However, having children, I'd say don't go back unless you're confidant you two can make it work. Although children adapt well to change in circumstances, in general, you two yo yoing back and forth will mess with their heads.

Whatever happens, ensure the kids know you both love them, and don't ever use them as pawns.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Good luck. The ones you truly want are so hard to reach

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By *iles1Man
over a year ago

Ealing Broadway

Thanks for the advice.. new it anyway. Am genuinely interested but need someone to help me find away in.. have to say though that you lot are really on the fucking ball. As you probably realise I'm not good on a phone or pc. Was really quite comical at times been followed about. Took a while to work out some of the slang.. should be a board game based on this experience. No harm was intended.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"How can we help?

I have been thinking, like she pretty much walked over me before and things never really changed, and she says they will but I'm not sure if they can or not,

And I hadn't been happy for months"

Just a thought... and only going by the few things you've said, could it be that she's a bit high maintenance and not having any luck getting/keeping another fella because of it, so is looking to get back to with you as a last resort?

Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

If you DO take her back you have to do it on new terms mate. You can't let her just come back because she wants somebody to walk over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's never a good idea to go backwards...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't do it, move on.

Abuse is abuse no matter what form it takes. You said she was verbally abusive and that's as bad as being physically abusive.

She sounds like a manipulative person and you don't need that.

Keep contact to a minimum and make it purely about the kids.

A leopard never changes its spots!!

As for people saying give it a chance, if it was a woman posting you wouldn't be saying that!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't do it, move on...

As for people saying give it a chance, if it was a woman posting you wouldn't be saying that!!! "

I would!

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"Don't do it, move on...

As for people saying give it a chance, if it was a woman posting you wouldn't be saying that!!!

I would!

So would I.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lots of opinions.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't do it, move on...

As for people saying give it a chance, if it was a woman posting you wouldn't be saying that!!!

I would!

Go back to an abusive relationship?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Don't do it, move on...

As for people saying give it a chance, if it was a woman posting you wouldn't be saying that!!!

I would!

Go back to an abusive relationship? "

I would say to a woman what i said to the OP.

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