FabSwingers.com forum: Genuine Advice..

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Sorry this isn't swinging related. You're a diverse bunch of people so some of you may even be able to understand..

I am an only child. My dad was one of 4. Quite a large family who all seemed pretty close. He was by his own admission a bit of a black sheep. Nothing terrible just followed a different path. I knew them as I was growing up but not close knit family.

My dad died a few years ago and since then the connection to that side of the family has become broken. His father is still alive as her his brother's. One of whom he was really close to.

At the funeral they all wanted to build bridges. Cousins etc. It didn't last long. I don't want anything from them. To be acknowledged as part of the family would be nice of course.

My mum is still alive, for various reasons which I understand they chose to keep their distance from her. To be fair I've now made the same choice.

I want to initiate contact but I'm terrified of the rejection. I'd like some childhood photos of my dad if possible and maybe a photo of his mum. I'm named after her, she passed before I was born.

With social media it would be fairly easy but I noticed last year that two of my cousin's had "unfriended" me. No idea why. I'm not a frequent poster etc.

I have children of my own and I want them to know this part of our family too.

Tonight I'm thinking I should perhaps write to my grandfather of aunt or maybe one of my dad's brothers but I'm so scared. To them it's like my dad never existed.

What would you do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Write to the brother he was close to - open a door through him initially. If you ask for copies of pictures, he may pass you onto other family members that hold the originals.

Explain it the way you did here - that you wish to be able to inform your children of their extended family for historical purposes only. That way it won't seem intrusive to them/their lives.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey is the way to proceed.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

If you're thinking it, give it a go. You'll always wonder if not and the potential benefit to you and your family is greater than the risk of them not wanting to know. Just my thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think people respond pretty positively to a positive message.

Maybe you were unfriended because they felt you weren't interested in them, not because they were cold shouldering you.

Why not try to be honest, as you've been here, and tell them how much you would appreciate being part of the family?

Good luck

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

Sometimes the social media system does the unfriending. I have had several friends who became disconnected but neither of us unfriended deliberately. Sometimes it's just a glitch.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes the social media system does the unfriending. I have had several friends who became disconnected but neither of us unfriended deliberately. Sometimes it's just a glitch. "

That's what they told you

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By *arnayguyMan
over a year ago

Durham Tees

"Sometimes the social media system does the unfriending. I have had several friends who became disconnected but neither of us unfriended deliberately. Sometimes it's just a glitch.

That's what they told you

Only once I shouted through their letter box at 3am one morning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes the social media system does the unfriending. I have had several friends who became disconnected but neither of us unfriended deliberately. Sometimes it's just a glitch.

That's what they told you

Only once I shouted through their letter box at 3am one morning.

You git. I nearly called the police

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh this is so difficult, OP. I went through a very similar situation. My Dad died when I was young, my Step-Mum had remarried and had stopped contact. I recently got in touch as she has all of our pictures of him. She ended the call and I got nowhere. I have no idea what had happened as I was a child when he died.

I think you have to try. I’d say a letter is a good idea and maybe put a SAE in too. I really hope you’re successful.

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