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A lesson learnt

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Last weekend I saw something at a Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to My wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my did sandy looking on intently (trusting soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Sandy (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Sandy looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The dog was making sounds I had never heard before, trying to climb onto the mantle piece above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Hahahaha!

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Thanks for posting, that made me laugh (sorry!)

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thanks for posting, that made me laugh (sorry!) "
your welcome

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

That's really made me laugh out load I'm crying now.

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By *ilthyStrumpetCouple
over a year ago

Trowbridge

Crying!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Crying here. Thank you for cheering us up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh fantastic! Best thing I’ve seen on the forums tonight.

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By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

I’m crying laughing, that is the funniest thing I’ve read on the forum in a long time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you need any help this week with your Mrs?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So easily pictured!

Peach x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you need any help this week with your Mrs? "
this week!!! Try rest of the year lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

So easily pictured!

Peach x"
coming from you I will take that as a compliment lol

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By *iSTARessWoman
over a year ago

London

Been thinking of getting one for a while now. Thanks for testing out!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Last weekend I saw something at a Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to My wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my did sandy looking on intently (trusting soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Sandy (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Sandy looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The dog was making sounds I had never heard before, trying to climb onto the mantle piece above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!"

Omg ive had a crap day and your little story has made me laugh and cheered me up no end. Thanks for sharing, im still laughing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Last weekend I saw something at a Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to My wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my did sandy looking on intently (trusting soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Sandy (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Sandy looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The dog was making sounds I had never heard before, trying to climb onto the mantle piece above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

Omg ive had a crap day and your little story has made me laugh and cheered me up no end. Thanks for sharing, im still laughing. "
glad I could make your day slightly better

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By *JB1954Man
over a year ago

Reading

Laughing my head off. Reminds me of being caught out using a megga, this has same effect. the new electronic ones are really bad if you are connected across the leads. 5000 volts ouch.

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By *agermeisterMan
over a year ago

Leeds

Tazers are illegal in this country. How was a Pawn Shop selling one?

Possession is a serious criminal offence.

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"Tazers are illegal in this country. How was a Pawn Shop selling one?

Possession is a serious criminal offence."
only if the Feds nab him

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Tazers are illegal in this country. How was a Pawn Shop selling one?

Possession is a serious criminal offence."
oh god there is always one!!!!!!

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

Omg Im crying laughing here!

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By *agermeisterMan
over a year ago

Leeds


"Tazers are illegal in this country. How was a Pawn Shop selling one?

Possession is a serious criminal offence.oh god there is always one!!!!!!"

One what?

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ


"Tazers are illegal in this country. How was a Pawn Shop selling one?

Possession is a serious criminal offence. only if the Feds nab him"

Need to put their burgers down and get out of their Cruiser first

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Tazers are illegal in this country. How was a Pawn Shop selling one?

Possession is a serious criminal offence."

It's a funny story going around the internet.

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"Laughing my head off. Reminds me of being caught out using a megga, this has same effect. the new electronic ones are really bad if you are connected across the leads. 5000 volts ouch. "

Mains electric fences can kick out 6KV if you manage not to have them shorting anywhere.

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By *agermeisterMan
over a year ago

Leeds

So it's b.s. then? Sorry. Carry on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

thought they were illegal in the uk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"thought they were illegal in the uk"

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By *rightonsteveMan
over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!


"thought they were illegal in the uk"
so are a lot of things

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Do you need any help this week with your Mrs? this week!!! Try rest of the year lol"

Haha .. Seen you guys in cam room, I love to help Mrs ...lol

You should do this again when you come cam room... So I can have a proper laugh...Lol...

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By *lueWonderMan
over a year ago

Preston.....ish

Oh my god... A little bit of wee came out

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

THIS

IS

AMAZING

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg I'm howling with laughter in my hotel room that was so funny xx

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By *exysuzi and Mr.SCouple
over a year ago

CONISTON .Stoke Suburbia. Staffs. BARMOUTH. The Lakes (Monthly)

Illegal here or not....that is funny as fuck. Would you please do it again and put your cam on so we can watch....PMSL xxxx Suzi

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Do you need any help this week with your Mrs? this week!!! Try rest of the year lol

Haha .. Seen you guys in cam room, I love to help Mrs ...lol

You should do this again when you come cam room... So I can have a proper laugh...Lol... "
lol

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By *xplicitMan
over a year ago

donegal

Funny as...

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By *omesticated_VixenWoman
over a year ago

sw London

This is so funny

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By *ilNdoCouple
over a year ago

Liverpool

Hahahaha hilarious!!!

Hope you found ye balls

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

It's like the amazon review for Zeet

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By *iamondCougarWoman
over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Omg!! I’m sorry but I haven’t laughed so much for ages!! Hope you’ve recovered

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral


"thought they were illegal in the uk"

They are; this is an old story from that there t’interweb, like the Veet story & the girls night out one. Probably urban myths but hilarious nonetheless!!

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By *aul1973HullMan
over a year ago

East Hull


"Laughing my head off. Reminds me of being caught out using a megga, this has same effect. the new electronic ones are really bad if you are connected across the leads. 5000 volts ouch.

Mains electric fences can kick out 6KV if you manage not to have them shorting anywhere. "

Never piss on one. I've seen it done

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Absolutely fantastic thanks for the belly laugh

I do hope your ok...

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By *irthandgirthMan
over a year ago

Camberley occasionally doncaster

Just made my day... awesome

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I haven't laughed that hard in ages....Thanks

How's the dog?

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

Funnily enough, the ‘Veet’ story popped up in the middle of another thread tonight too for anyone who wants another giggle

https://m.fabswingers.com/forum/support/749087

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope you're back to near normality now but that's the funniest thing I've heard all year.

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/04/18 23:50:59]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should read everyone's comments before I post the joke has been going for years on t'web

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Love the level of details of your writing !

Hope u r okay and your glasses aren't broken

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hahahahaha shocking

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont care if this is true or not...funniest damn thing I've ever read on the forums.

Brilliant

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sorry OP but I have nearly wet myself with laughing xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Omg I can stop lartghing here I have tears in my eyes that is something I would do


"Last weekend I saw something at a Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to My wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my did sandy looking on intently (trusting soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Sandy (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Sandy looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The dog was making sounds I had never heard before, trying to climb onto the mantle piece above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Reminds me of the time I was tinkering with some electronics in my bedroom. I turned the switch off not thinking that perhaps I ought to unplug the socket too. My hand came into contact with the live wire before the switch.

Next thing I knew I was sitting in the wardrobe. Lucky the door was open otherwise I would have had a DIY job too.

Mr B

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This made my day

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That is brilliant, definitely sounds like something slot of blokes would do aswell!

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham


"Last weekend I saw something at a Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to My wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my did sandy looking on intently (trusting soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Sandy (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet dog. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, Sandy looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The dog was making sounds I had never heard before, trying to climb onto the mantle piece above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:

If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,

one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching..

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!"

It’s a funny story . However as someone else has pointed out tazers are illegal and the possession of one comes under the laws of carrying a firearm . Probably not your brightest moment advertising the fact in a public forum .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've always wanted to try it myself. Like you I keep wondering how bad can it be.

Thanks for letting me know.

Unfortunately I'm still curious. I just know better than to hold it myself.

Now to find someone I trust enough to jolt me for just one second.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

brilliant!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

It’s a funny story . However as someone else has pointed out tazers are illegal and the possession of one comes under the laws of carrying a firearm . Probably not your brightest moment advertising the fact in a public forum . "

It's am old one from 2016. He plagiarised it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you that is the funniest things I have read in a long time.

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By *atureBoySouthMan
over a year ago

Fareham

That made me laugh.

Don't carry one in public though, it would be classed as an offensive weapon I believe.

At school, we used to go round the chemistry lab with one of the piezo electric lighters used for the bunsen burners - remove the end cap, shove the end of the lighter on your mates backside, and push the button! Funny as anything... probably get arrested for it these days!

Poundland used to do some electronic massagers (like a small tens machine) for (surprisingly!) a £1. I had to buy one just for research purposes of course. The single button cell doesn't last long, but you can have a whole lot of fun with them!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I didn't laugh too much.I was tazered for real in an armed robbery, not a pleasant experience, I still have nightmares.

Sorry to dampen the thread!

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

LOL

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"I’m crying laughing, that is the funniest thing I’ve read on the forum in a long time "

Same hear lol

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By *andare63Man
over a year ago

oldham


"

It’s a funny story . However as someone else has pointed out tazers are illegal and the possession of one comes under the laws of carrying a firearm . Probably not your brightest moment advertising the fact in a public forum .

It's am old one from 2016. He plagiarised it."

What the post has been plagiarised? What’s the point of that ?

The wonderful and weird world of FAB . Always ceases to amaze me !!!

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