FabSwingers.com forum: Honesty

By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

I regularly read complaints about ppl not being honest in their profile or in their communication with potential meets. Particularly about what they want from a meet. Whether that be how they select potential meets, do they want shag and go or build up a friendship, one off or repeat meets.

With this in mind it baffles me when ppl are criticised for expressing how they go about their selection process. In simple terms being HONEST! It would after all make it clear what everyone wants and obvious if their approach is at odds with your own.

By critiquing/judging their methods would this not encourage ppl to be dishonest about things?

Surely if their approach is at odds with your own, all you need to do is avoid?

When critiquing others do you think your way is the only way?

Ppl posting on a thread or including on their profile what they REALLY want must make it easier when you’re looking for a meet?

Why do we want honesty yet object when faced with it?

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont see this

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I couldn't care less how others run their profiles on here, it doesn't affect me, I do my thing and hope I'll find someone who goes about their selection in a similar way to me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I dont see this"

I do...as everyone attacks everyone one here at the first given chance.

Not that I'm doing that to you btw

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I couldn't care less how others run their profiles on here, it doesn't affect me, I do my thing and hope I'll find someone who goes about their selection in a similar way to me. "

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"I dont see this

I do...as everyone attacks everyone one here at the first given chance.

Not that I'm doing that to you btw

"
it goes straight over my head. If someone isnt compatable with me i move on

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My ultimate goal would be to find one guy that I could meet for sexual and sleepovers who would be exclusive to me. If I put that on my profile I'll get a bunch of guys saying they want that too yet really they just want sex.

You'd think that as we're on a site that's predominately sex orientated the guys that just want sex would have no qualms in saying they only want you for sex, but sadly guys will kiss your cheek to finger your arse and that's just the way things go on here.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"My ultimate goal would be to find one guy that I could meet for sexual and sleepovers who would be exclusive to me. If I put that on my profile I'll get a bunch of guys saying they want that too yet really they just want sex.

You are the reason I started the thread, your honesty on Fab has been to your detriment on many occasions that I’ve witnessed. It happened yesterday and I’ve been pondering about it. I genuinely hope you find what you’re looking for and I’m sorry you’ve had to resort to omitting what you really want from your profile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a shame some feel the need to hide their true intentions because of a small minority who think they can dictate how this site should be used. It's whatever you want it to be, the key to success is finding someone who wants the same as you.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"I couldn't care less how others run their profiles on here, it doesn't affect me, I do my thing and hope I'll find someone who goes about their selection in a similar way to me. "

Live and let live

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

Nah, Im not bothered how others choose to live or run their profile.... I do my thing, they do theirs, sometimes we are compatable, others not. Itall addsup to what makes things interesting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always appreciated and loved her honesty and the way she doesn't care at all abt what other think. I find her absolutely funny and think she is a genius.

Her post always make me laugh yet at the same I really appreciate how sincere she is !

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

To be honest though. Guys and women will say anything if they think they will get a leg over

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I’ve updated my profile to say I’m not looking for total NSA and I mention it directly at the beginning of a new conversation, whether it will work or not is yet to be seen

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By *inky Biscuit DunkerMan
over a year ago

Gloucestershire

Honestly is always the best policy, as the saying goes. It’s true though and especially on here. Saves everyone’s time being wasted.

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By *ooby birdWoman
over a year ago

North West

"Honestly is always the best policy, as the saying goes. It’s true though and especially on here. Saves everyone’s time being wasted."

Agree

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/04/18 14:45:32]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's more a forum user issue than site wide. People are quick to give their own opinion on the way others do things. I think many spend too much time taking notice of what others think and changing their profiles to fit in with general opinion. I really don't understand why and it's part of the reason I'd rarely consider meeting anyone that regularly uses the forum as they are more likely to have tailored their profiles to meet the ideals as painted by the forum users. The people I am interesting are by and large away from the forum and their profiles seem to be perfectly honest about what they want. I've never met anyone that hasn't met up to my expectations of them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Now to come back on your first post OP, I totally agree with you.

'By critiquing/judging their methods would this not encourage ppl to be dishonest about things?'

I think one leads to another, it is not necessarily the case, depending on how strong the person is to assert his/her choices. But by always criticising negatively someone's choices, it will definitely lead that person to hide his/her choices from others in order to not be ostracised.

'When critiquing others do you think your way is the only way?'

Yes, I think that there is an implicity self righteous symbol in the way a person judges another.

Having said that the tone of a critic will certainly have different impacts. Yet I do believe than a negative critic implies that people thing their way is better.

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"To be honest though. Guys and women will say anything if they think they will get a leg over"

I never have on here or in the real world, I’ve always been very specific about what I wanted

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Honesty!

Well I'll be honest. Yeah I'm not looking for one offs as they do nothing for me and with my interests it takes a lot of time and trust to get the relationship that I'm looking for.

If that means being exclusive to one person for it to happen that's fine.

It's a swinging site by all means but I would not fit in on a regular dating site now would I

As as for the extreme sites they are Deffo not for me either.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/04/18 14:50:44]

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

"To be honest though. Guys and women will say anything if they think they will get a leg over

I never have on here or in the real world, I’ve always been very specific about what I wanted

"
i wasnt talking about you. I was talking in general. People use this site for different reasons but its still oredomantly a swingers site. People meet to have recreation fun with others. Its when people want more that the problem arises

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"To be honest though. Guys and women will say anything if they think they will get a leg over

I never have on here or in the real world, I’ve always been very specific about what I wanted

So have I and I have turned down men because they have asked me to do things that I have been clear on are not my bag...

My strapline on my profile is 100% true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always appreciated and loved her honesty and the way she doesn't care at all abt what other think. I find her absolutely funny and think she is a genius.

Her post always make me laugh yet at the same I really appreciate how sincere she is ! "

Aww you guys

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

Noones never felt the need to lie to me to get a meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Noones never felt the need to lie to me to get a meet"

Wish I could say the same. I have guys promisinge the world in order to get me to fuck them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Promising me that was meant to say

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"To be honest though. Guys and women will say anything if they think they will get a leg over

I never have on here or in the real world, I’ve always been very specific about what I wanted

i wasnt talking about you. I was talking in general. People use this site for different reasons but its still oredomantly a swingers site. People meet to have recreation fun with others. Its when people want more that the problem arises"

I wanted more than that, I obviously wasn’t looking for what I eventually found that was a happy accident. I wanted regular meets with the same guys, I was honest and took the time to establish they were being honest too. There was no dramarama and we parted amicably once Swing came along. They kept in touch while still using the site but they’ve now moved on which is only natural

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"To be honest though. Guys and women will say anything if they think they will get a leg over

I never have on here or in the real world, I’ve always been very specific about what I wanted

Agree with diamond, people don’t traditionally view this (or similar sites) as places to find more than just relaxed recreational sex, and it tends to be the people that want more so desperately that gets theirs arse bit the hardest

Now we all know people have met and found more through this site, but that is generally people where it’s happened naturally and it’s couples that generally still involved/incorporate swinging into their relationship, not the ones looking for exclusivity

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have never felt the need to change my profile in order to conform to the expectations of certain men..

However i do keep it suitably ambiguous and there are certain things i omit as i dont wish to be any more inundated than i already am

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"Nah, Im not bothered how others choose to live or run their profile.... I do my thing, they do theirs, sometimes we are compatable, others not. Itall addsup to what makes things interesting."

It certainly does

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't care if people are honest with me or not. As long as they keep up the pretense- whatever it is- then I'm fine with that.

I'm not honest on my profile because people will lie to get a fuck. No matter what my profile says, people will say they want the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I don't care if people are honest with me or not. As long as they keep up the pretense- whatever it is- then I'm fine with that.

I'm not honest on my profile because people will lie to get a fuck. No matter what my profile says, people will say they want the same.

I agree with everything on your profile, it speaks to me in a spiritual sense X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always appreciated and loved her honesty and the way she doesn't care at all abt what other think. I find her absolutely funny and think she is a genius.

Her post always make me laugh yet at the same I really appreciate how sincere she is !

I agree. She's honest but never in a mean way. That's very rare on here. In fact Ms Slippers has been really nice to people that needed a boost. She's a good egg and The Universe needs to find her some love.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

Women can be honest as whatever they say there will be a queue of men willing to fuck them.

Men will lie to fit in with what they think women want so they can get a fuck.

It will be ever thus as long as the sex ratio is so skewed.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"Noones never felt the need to lie to me to get a meet

Wish I could say the same. I have guys promisinge the world in order to get me to fuck them. "

In other news, it's been reliably reported that ursine creatures defecate in wooded areas and that the pope is a firm believer in the doctrines of the church of Rome.

You are one hot mamma, men are going to say whatever it takes to fuck you. I would...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Noones never felt the need to lie to me to get a meet

Wish I could say the same. I have guys promisinge the world in order to get me to fuck them.

In other news, it's been reliably reported that ursine creatures defecate in wooded areas and that the pope is a firm believer in the doctrines of the church of Rome.

You are one hot mamma, men are going to say whatever it takes to fuck you. I would... "

Yeah but it's not nice. If the guy only wants a fuck then say he only wants a fuck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The best lie I have heard:

I don’t smoke - and then they come reeking of it

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

"Noones never felt the need to lie to me to get a meet

Wish I could say the same. I have guys promisinge the world in order to get me to fuck them.

In other news, it's been reliably reported that ursine creatures defecate in wooded areas and that the pope is a firm believer in the doctrines of the church of Rome.

You are one hot mamma, men are going to say whatever it takes to fuck you. I would...

Yeah but it's not nice. If the guy only wants a fuck then say he only wants a fuck.

But then he wouldn't get a fuck.

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

"The best lie I have heard:

I don’t smoke - and then they come reeking of it

Smokers never realize how badly they smell and that nothing really disguises it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Noones never felt the need to lie to me to get a meet

Wish I could say the same. I have guys promisinge the world in order to get me to fuck them.

In other news, it's been reliably reported that ursine creatures defecate in wooded areas and that the pope is a firm believer in the doctrines of the church of Rome.

You are one hot mamma, men are going to say whatever it takes to fuck you. I would...

Yeah but it's not nice. If the guy only wants a fuck then say he only wants a fuck.

But then he wouldn't get a fuck.

He would cos I'd try and convince him to want more

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By *ink Panther. OP Woman
over a year ago

Preston

"Women can be honest as whatever they say there will be a queue of men willing to fuck them.

Men will lie to fit in with what they think women want so they can get a fuck.

It will be ever thus as long as the sex ratio is so skewed. "

But women also lie in an attempt to stop men lying to get a ‘fuck’. It’s all very complicated

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

Some men are honest on their profiles, Some of those are spectacular liars who weave a wonderful tale.

Dickens has nothing on some of these folk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People can be as honest as they want on their profile, it’s our choice whether we message or meet them. I think the issue on this site, is that people aren’t honest. They tell you what they think you want to hear. They write what they think you want to read.

Unfortunately, if it’s done on the forums, many of the women here talk and therefore, it can be to their detriment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some men are honest on their profiles, Some of those are spectacular liars who weave a wonderful tale.

Dickens has nothing on some of these folk "

I have to be honest. My penchant enchant for talking in third person doesn't baffle experts.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it's hard to always be completely honest because what you come here looking for isn't always what you find.

The interactions and connection you have with someone dictates how things will go and you may find what you're looking for changes.

If I saw someone say they only wanted one off meets I wouldn't speak to them but if it's not so black and white I may talk to them and their opinion changes because of how we get on. Their honesty would've cost us that potential.

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By *mokes n MirrorsCouple
over a year ago

Plymouth and Newcastle (sometimes)

"I think it's more a forum user issue than site wide. People are quick to give their own opinion on the way others do things. I think many spend too much time taking notice of what others think and changing their profiles to fit in with general opinion. I really don't understand why and it's part of the reason I'd rarely consider meeting anyone that regularly uses the forum as they are more likely to have tailored their profiles to meet the ideals as painted by the forum users. The people I am interesting are by and large away from the forum and their profiles seem to be perfectly honest about what they want. I've never met anyone that hasn't met up to my expectations of them. "

We've been using the forums for a couple of years now and not once have we changed our profile because of a forum thread. We have modified it slightly when we have changed but it's generally the same as the day we put it up. It's an honest and upfront profile that we feel gives all the information required about us and what we're looking for.We feel that an honest profile is the most important factor (after the pics of course, yes, we are that shallow) before we engage any communication...Unless I'm bored and then I'll entertain myself being a bit sarcy or literal in my answers

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think sometimes people don’t know what they want themselves. Also, some people may lie out of not quite knowing how to handle more measured and transparent communication not from malintent but from a place of fear or anxiety - eg. possibly wanting more but not necessarily with the person they’re talking to or changing their mind on meeting, or over time, and not knowing how to discuss in a way that is fully clear but hurts, in their opinion, the least to the person they’re saying no to and variations on a theme. Not everyone is comfortable in communicating and likewise many people don’t want to truly hear the info being given to them. (I also agree with the posts already posited on the thread, but was just thinking from a different angle).

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