FabSwingers.com forum: Dating an alcoholic

By *rLucky777 OP Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"

It was bad! Lovely bloke when sober but awful when d*unk. He ended up hitting me twice (gave him a chance) so left him. My son hasn’t seen him since he was 5 (now 28) He preferred the cider to keeping to arrangements

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"

No, but having had some dealings with trying to help an alcoholic my advice is run a mile while you can!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"
.

It's a roller coaster thrill a minute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

First are you sure it is not you the alcoholic trying to project your own problem on her ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"First are you sure it is not you the alcoholic trying to project your own problem on her ?"

Maybe hes wondering how much of trouble he is to tbe person he is dating.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

That’s it our secret is out I’m dating the OP

that the problem with having alcohol before 6

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a fucking nightmare. I'd suggest reading one of the many books on the subject. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"

I was married to one!

Get out while you can is my advice...

The only person who can help an alcoholic is themselves but unfortunately they never think they have a problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s it our secret is out I’m dating the OP

that the problem with having alcohol before 6

But you didn't start at breakfast?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?

I was married to one!

Get out while you can is my advice...

The only person who can help an alcoholic is themselves but unfortunately they never think they have a problem"

As above, I was married to an alcoholic, it's no fun I can tell you.

As the above poster says get out whilst you can

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By *isscheekychopsWoman
over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"That’s it our secret is out I’m dating the OP

that the problem with having alcohol before 6

But you didn't start at breakfast?

I didn’t say 6pm or 6am?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?

I was married to one!

Get out while you can is my advice...

The only person who can help an alcoholic is themselves but unfortunately they never think they have a problem"

Couldn't agree more. Run while you still can. Took me 10 years to move on and heal from that toxic relationship.

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By *rs Mia WallaceWoman
over a year ago

Bathwyche

Are they an active alcoholic or had a proboem with it in the past?

Huge difference....

If they currently have a problem and you are aware of it then be aware of the ongoing issues that their drinking will have on your life. Eg...them not having spare cash for anything other than booze. You being secondary to their booze. Them being utterly outof touch with their feelings and will be overall, very selfish.

If they had a problem in the past and have had help for it and continue to look at the issues behind their alcoholism then... Well, totally different story!

Theyll be a wiser person for it and could even have less hang-ups than joe bloggs, due to dealing with them.

Either way, if you liie the person then go for it. But be prepared for being second best if they are in active addiction to alcohol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Get yourself to Al Anon if you want to protect yourself and your sanity. You can have a relationship with one but do not expect it to be like any other sort of relationship. You did not cause it, you can't control it and you sure as hell cannot cure it. If you want to know more then pm me.

Pinky

Xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That’s it our secret is out I’m dating the OP

that the problem with having alcohol before 6

But you didn't start at breakfast?

I didn’t say 6pm or 6am?

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By *orkie321bWoman
over a year ago

Nottingham

I second the advice to get out while you still can, before you get too close and find it hard to leave.

I was in a relationship with an alcoholic for 10 years. No matter what you try you can't "fix" them. You will never take preference over the drink and all the promises to change and get help are meaningless.

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By *ystical_InkedBBWWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the Shire of Derby

Married one and now been divorced over 8 years. Very volatile relationship and he used my disability to his own advantage. I left him when our son was 5 years old and have spent the last 9 years helping my son with his anxiety issues which were brought on by everything he heard or witnessed. I don't like being around excessive drinkers anymore.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Start drinking and it will all be just fine...you might end up liking it...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thats stupid people getting stupid answers when asking stupid questions

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats stupid people getting stupid answers when asking stupid questions"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats stupid people getting stupid answers when asking stupid questions"

Are you d*unk?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"

I lived with a violent d*unk for 5 years..

they never ever change, it’s just not worth it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't do it.

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By *olygodCouple
over a year ago

sandy

I was married to an active alcoholic. I don’t recommend it. You won’t be able to change them but you can go mad trying. Try your local Al Anon meeting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

An ex girlfriends mum was an alcoholic. What a messy nightmare. She was never agressieve, it was just a very sad situation and, thing to deal with. One day she fell down the stairs dr@nk and never got up again. It doesn't just destroy the addict but every body connected to them. I'd stay well clear

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Best thing to do is take them to the clinic where they recieve expert help .

Start at the doctor and he steer the person in the right direction.

We are not experienced to advise properly or get to the root/source of the problem .

Mine was dining large wine and vodkas ...nightmare

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By *rs Mia WallaceWoman
over a year ago

Bathwyche

Dont waste your time trying to 'take them to the clinic' or 'steer them in the right direction'.

They will not stop drinking until they want to and efforts in trying to get them to do so will probably break you!

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"

Yes, my ex girlfriend.

What wast he experience? Soul destroying.

Advice? Bale out while you have your sanity.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Dont waste your time trying to 'take them to the clinic' or 'steer them in the right direction'.

They will not stop drinking until they want to and efforts in trying to get them to do so will probably break you!"

^this............

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By *essandpatCouple
over a year ago

chester

[Removed by poster at 06/04/18 22:02:50]

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By *essandpatCouple
over a year ago

chester

Hubby went on a date a while back she was already a bit d*unk, she didn't believe him, that all his verify he hadn't actually slept with maybe one or two but the a mount of verify he did have she assumed he had slept with all of them, she didn't believe him and get abit aggressive with him x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?

No, but having had some dealings with trying to help an alcoholic my advice is run a mile while you can!!"

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"

No I haven't but a close family member has been married to an alcoholic for over 25 years. If you are at a stage where you can get out, do so now. An alcoholics only loyalty is to alcohol.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Dont waste your time trying to 'take them to the clinic' or 'steer them in the right direction'.

They will not stop drinking until they want to and efforts in trying to get them to do so will probably break you!"

And don't let them try to make you feel guilty for not helping. It's their problem to fix. You can't do it for them.

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By *rincess peachWoman
over a year ago

shits creek

Never ever again. Ever.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

unfortunately you cant help an alcoholic. They need to want to help their self. All you can do is walk beside them and let them choose their own path. At some point you will come to a crossroad with three exits..

1. If they choose to accept help you will be there to catch them if they fall. It will be a long hard rocky road but will get to the end one day...

2. You will walk beside them and watch them fall deeper and deeper while they put you though hell..

3. You take the nice easy path and walk it alone. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You would think that with all the money and love around George Best, that he had all the moral support he needed and could afford the top medical and phsycalogical help money could buy.

You would think, needing a liver transplant would be the biggest boot up the arse that anybody would need to motivate them to straighten themselves out!

You would think that if the first liver transplant wasn't enough motivation, a second one definitely would be!

Kind of says it all really!

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Thats stupid people getting stupid answers when asking stupid questions"

Why is it stupid to ask for advice ?

Miss

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Run run run, I was with a woman that was only intrested in prossecco at least 2 bottles a day. Don’t know I bothered to care about her, she didn’t care.

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By *tingly ByronMan
over a year ago

In a town Fab forgot

"Thats stupid people getting stupid answers when asking stupid questions"

You've been drinking haven't you.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes and it didnt end well but lasted 20 years - if i hadnt met him though he would have probably been dead by now so i was told - love is a strange thing at the time eh

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Have you dated someone with a drinking problem before?

What was the experience? Advice?"

Yes...RUN!!!

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter

Don't do it is the best advise I could give. A friend is in the process of divorcing their waste of space bully lying alcoholic partner thank heavens .

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By *i fem huntersCouple
over a year ago

london

Is addiction the issue rather than the substance? Would it feel the same if it was a drug or sex addiction?

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London

"Is addiction the issue rather than the substance? Would it feel the same if it was a drug or sex addiction?"

For me it would be anything that could be detrimental to the wellbeing and safety of my children and myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thats stupid people getting stupid answers when asking stupid questions

That's about right for this site

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By *i fem huntersCouple
over a year ago

london

"Is addiction the issue rather than the substance? Would it feel the same if it was a drug or sex addiction?

For me it would be anything that could be detrimental to the wellbeing and safety of my children and myself. "

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"Is addiction the issue rather than the substance? Would it feel the same if it was a drug or sex addiction?"

Addiction is the base issue. The end result is often the same whatever the addiction. The addict will only be loyal to their addiction. Nothing and no one will mean more to them than the thing they're addicted to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In honesty, messy. He was fine sober, drank a ridiculous amount then got nasty and was always falling asleep saying he was tired, days were lost because he had hangovers. He never acknowledged he had an issue and I just had to get out. I wanted to help fix him but he didn't and still doesn't recognise he has a problem.

I think you need to think very carefully before you take this on, it's a big responsibility for you.

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