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"Have you got any friends or family near by that you can chat too ? " Apart from my friends on fab, no and I don't tell my parents on what I do on Fab | |||
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"what happened pal Went to Cupids last night, a friend of mine wasn't able to make it, started feeling depressed after a few hours as it was a very busy night and I had no one to talk to which made me feel isolated and alone and then started walking back to the hotel after 11pm upset and depressed" If it was busy couldn’t you find a social group to join and chat too ? I’m guessing you have been before so wasn’t there regulars you can chat with ? | |||
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"You could have introduced yourself to people at Cupid’s surely X" With me having Asperger's, it's very difficult | |||
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"what happened pal Went to Cupids last night, a friend of mine wasn't able to make it, started feeling depressed after a few hours as it was a very busy night and I had no one to talk to which made me feel isolated and alone and then started walking back to the hotel after 11pm upset and depressed If it was busy couldn’t you find a social group to join and chat too ? I’m guessing you have been before so wasn’t there regulars you can chat with ? " I tried to but couldn't say anything. Yeah I have been before but couldn't find any regulars either | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know " I wasn't expecting sex, I just wanted a friend to hang out with for the night. Like I said I have Asperger's which makes socialising almost impossible | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know " Thats a bit unfair as op has aspergers, its more difficult for him to interact with strangers | |||
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"i actually watched a louis theroux documentary on swingers last night, he attended a house party with a female friend, she left him to have sex with other people and he said the party was passing him by as he sat watching all the small groups chatting, hardest thing to do is try an introduce yourself into a group, i tried it at the townhouse a while back and was totally ignored, i feel your pain mate, when you don’t know anyone you just feel isolated and the urge to leave increases, that’s what i did in the end. Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club." I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know Thats a bit unfair as op has aspergers, its more difficult for him to interact with strangers" I do feel for him but....its up to other people wether they talk to him or not,its not other peoples fault he has aspergers,if he feels alone or isolated he needs professional guidance. | |||
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" Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club. I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules" I know it’s easier said than done, but your fear of not being allowed back is not rational. Just sounds like a bad night. However, if it made you feel like this, is it the best place for you to go and socialise? If you do go again, could you arrange to meet friends there or go when there is an organised social so people are more open to chatting. | |||
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" Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club. I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules I know it’s easier said than done, but your fear of not being allowed back is not rational. Just sounds like a bad night. However, if it made you feel like this, is it the best place for you to go and socialise? If you do go again, could you arrange to meet friends there or go when there is an organised social so people are more open to chatting. " I am planning on going again but will try my best not to worry. Cupids was the place that helped me become who I am today. If it weren't for the friends I made there, I would have been dead already | |||
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"Firstly, we'll done for going out there and putting yourself in a challenging situation despite your Aspergers. I know a lot of people wouldn't step outside their comfort zone quite so easily. This has happened before I feel so perhaps you need to look at coping techniques for when your friend doesn't show up to stop you from feeling so bad when it happens. " I wish I could think of coping techniques but for some reason when I feel sad and depressed, I just end up sitting there and lose interest of doing anything | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know Thats a bit unfair as op has aspergers, its more difficult for him to interact with strangers" Yeah sorry, I didn't read his post about that until after I had posted. Although I've heard of it, I'm not fully clued up on what Asperger's actually is. I'll go and have a read up on it now | |||
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" Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club. I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules I know it’s easier said than done, but your fear of not being allowed back is not rational. Just sounds like a bad night. However, if it made you feel like this, is it the best place for you to go and socialise? If you do go again, could you arrange to meet friends there or go when there is an organised social so people are more open to chatting. I am planning on going again but will try my best not to worry. Cupids was the place that helped me become who I am today. If it weren't for the friends I made there, I would have been dead already" Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? | |||
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"I wasn't expecting sex, I just wanted a friend to hang out with for the night. Like I said I have Asperger's which makes socialising almost impossible " Ok buddy, I get your drift now, my apologies, I posted before I read of your condition. | |||
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" Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club. I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules I know it’s easier said than done, but your fear of not being allowed back is not rational. Just sounds like a bad night. However, if it made you feel like this, is it the best place for you to go and socialise? If you do go again, could you arrange to meet friends there or go when there is an organised social so people are more open to chatting. I am planning on going again but will try my best not to worry. Cupids was the place that helped me become who I am today. If it weren't for the friends I made there, I would have been dead already Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? " I'm gonna have a look round Walkden today and see what I can find in the shops. Plus I need to find a birthday card for my brother as it's his birthday tomorrow | |||
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"I wasn't expecting sex, I just wanted a friend to hang out with for the night. Like I said I have Asperger's which makes socialising almost impossible Ok buddy, I get your drift now, my apologies, I posted before I read of your condition. " It's ok. No problem | |||
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" Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club. I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules I know it’s easier said than done, but your fear of not being allowed back is not rational. Just sounds like a bad night. However, if it made you feel like this, is it the best place for you to go and socialise? If you do go again, could you arrange to meet friends there or go when there is an organised social so people are more open to chatting. I am planning on going again but will try my best not to worry. Cupids was the place that helped me become who I am today. If it weren't for the friends I made there, I would have been dead already Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? I'm gonna have a look round Walkden today and see what I can find in the shops. Plus I need to find a birthday card for my brother as it's his birthday tomorrow " No offence but walking round walkden won't lift your spirits | |||
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" Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? I'm gonna have a look round Walkden today and see what I can find in the shops. Plus I need to find a birthday card for my brother as it's his birthday tomorrow " That sounds like a good plan. I enjoy choosing cards, some really make me smile. xx | |||
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" Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club. I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules I know it’s easier said than done, but your fear of not being allowed back is not rational. Just sounds like a bad night. However, if it made you feel like this, is it the best place for you to go and socialise? If you do go again, could you arrange to meet friends there or go when there is an organised social so people are more open to chatting. I am planning on going again but will try my best not to worry. Cupids was the place that helped me become who I am today. If it weren't for the friends I made there, I would have been dead already Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? I'm gonna have a look round Walkden today and see what I can find in the shops. Plus I need to find a birthday card for my brother as it's his birthday tomorrow No offence but walking round walkden won't lift your spirits " I like going round the shops there as it brings back childhood memories there | |||
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" Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? I'm gonna have a look round Walkden today and see what I can find in the shops. Plus I need to find a birthday card for my brother as it's his birthday tomorrow That sounds like a good plan. I enjoy choosing cards, some really make me smile. xx" Yeah. It is nice seeing what cards I can find | |||
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"I’ve had this same situation too OP. the girl who was particularly rude to me (turned her back on me when I smiled st her) still makes me mad when I see her name on the forums. But that is all it was... a bad night... get back on your horse and ride... your confidence will grow with each visit xx" Hopefully it will do on my next visit | |||
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" Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? I'm gonna have a look round Walkden today and see what I can find in the shops. Plus I need to find a birthday card for my brother as it's his birthday tomorrow That sounds like a good plan. I enjoy choosing cards, some really make me smile. xx" Me and my cousins have sent some highly amusing ones to each other over the years The black & white ones with random text at the bottom are funny as | |||
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"I think going alone to a club can be hard for a lot of people. I think you're brave to go along. And it's great it's a place you feel safe to explore. I think it's important to remember as well that even people who are more comfortable in social situations have similar experiences in clubs. I hope that today is a better day for you x " I hope so too | |||
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"Sorry to hear that mate. Try and learn from it and put it behind you. Think of what you might do differently and see if you can get an element of control/ structure should it happen again. Maybe chat to a group here and explain that you may want someone to make the first move (in a friendly way) if it happens again. I guess your friend not showing heightened your anxiety making it even more difficult for you What can you do today to cheer yourself up? Sunshine works for me. If not music/ chocolate. And actually anxiety or not I think you're pretty brave going on your own anyway. I'm a confident guy but I'd be nervous going to my first social " That's a nice reply. | |||
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"Sorry to hear that mate. Try and learn from it and put it behind you. Think of what you might do differently and see if you can get an element of control/ structure should it happen again. Maybe chat to a group here and explain that you may want someone to make the first move (in a friendly way) if it happens again. I guess your friend not showing heightened your anxiety making it even more difficult for you What can you do today to cheer yourself up? Sunshine works for me. If not music/ chocolate. And actually anxiety or not I think you're pretty brave going on your own anyway. I'm a confident guy but I'd be nervous going to my first social That's a nice reply." Yeah. I do feel proud of going on my own since I first started going last year. Perhaps going round doing some shopping for myself while listening to some music will help me feel better | |||
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" Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club. I'll do my best not to stress about but can't help but worry that I won't be allowed back despite not breaking any rules I know it’s easier said than done, but your fear of not being allowed back is not rational. Just sounds like a bad night. However, if it made you feel like this, is it the best place for you to go and socialise? If you do go again, could you arrange to meet friends there or go when there is an organised social so people are more open to chatting. I am planning on going again but will try my best not to worry. Cupids was the place that helped me become who I am today. If it weren't for the friends I made there, I would have been dead already Worrying won’t help. Do you have plans for your day today? Something that might lift you? I'm gonna have a look round Walkden today and see what I can find in the shops. Plus I need to find a birthday card for my brother as it's his birthday tomorrow No offence but walking round walkden won't lift your spirits I like going round the shops there as it brings back childhood memories there" Ok op. Firstly, sending hugs and sorry you didn’t have a great evening. When I don’t know many people in a club I tend to stay near the bar and chat to people as they’re getting a drink - a short conversation is better than no conversation at all! Moving forward - how about looking for/attending group socials for a while? By their very nature they’re more sociable than general club events and, because (most) people aren’t just there to chat to potential sex partners, most people are happy to chat to anyone and everyone! You may even find more friends to attend clubs with! | |||
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"what happened pal Went to Cupids last night, a friend of mine wasn't able to make it, started feeling depressed after a few hours as it was a very busy night and I had no one to talk to which made me feel isolated and alone and then started walking back to the hotel after 11pm upset and depressed" i know that feeling i hope you start to feel better soon keep your chin up mate here a manly ((hug)) | |||
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"Sorry to hear that mate. Try and learn from it and put it behind you. Think of what you might do differently and see if you can get an element of control/ structure should it happen again. Maybe chat to a group here and explain that you may want someone to make the first move (in a friendly way) if it happens again. I guess your friend not showing heightened your anxiety making it even more difficult for you What can you do today to cheer yourself up? Sunshine works for me. If not music/ chocolate. And actually anxiety or not I think you're pretty brave going on your own anyway. I'm a confident guy but I'd be nervous going to my first social That's a nice reply. Yeah. I do feel proud of going on my own since I first started going last year. Perhaps going round doing some shopping for myself while listening to some music will help me feel better" Shopping and music - perfect! Get a nice new pair of socks or something Take care. | |||
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"Thank you all for such love and support. It really is appreciated. Reading the last few posts have helped bring a little smile to my face" your most welcome | |||
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"The Townhouse has now set up a buddy system on a Wednesday on there newbie and not so night why don't you give that a go. The buddy will show you around and talk to you and introduce you to other members x " This is a brilliant idea and I can't for the life of me think why a) no other club does this and b) why the idea is frowned upon on the forums (fora?). The advice on the boards is generally along the lines of a not very helpful "stop being a pansy and go" whenever someone asks about a first visit. It's almost like clubs want less business and regulars want fewer people to meet with that attitude. Ease people into the experience and it will surely be a much better one for all concerned? | |||
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"i actually watched a louis theroux documentary on swingers last night, he attended a house party with a female friend, she left him to have sex with other people and he said the party was passing him by as he sat watching all the small groups chatting, hardest thing to do is try an introduce yourself into a group, i tried it at the townhouse a while back and was totally ignored, i feel your pain mate, when you don’t know anyone you just feel isolated and the urge to leave increases, that’s what i did in the end. Easy to say but don’t stress over a crap night at the club." I have talked about this on my “Diary of a new guy” thread The space between you and other guests can feel like miles and the silence is deafening. BUT if you let it get to you it’s always going to get you down. You literally need to walk up to people and say “hi” trust me no couples/lady is ever gonna say ohh let’s go and talk to that awkward looking guy by himself at that point your body language is probably sending all kind of messages. If you talking to another guy unless he is the best wingman or you secretly wanna fuck him your wasting time that can used talking to ladies REMBER ! Every one is in a club to have exciting times so don’t let shyness get in way, if you not good at breaking the ice .PRACTISE ! Where ? Every where set yourself a mission talk to a stranger everyday and get a piece of info from them, next time your grabbing a loaf of bread skip the self service till and go to a till find lady you would consider for fun and go out of your way to make conversation, “ oh busy tonight “ “how’s your day going” your mission is to get them to make eye contact and get a piece of info. Tell me what’s the worse than gonna happen ? They grunt and ask you if you want a bag. You get your bread either way Practise every where ! The more info you get the more points you get. Use this skill in the club, think check out Sainsbury’s “ busy in here isn’t ” Please back me up couples your nervous as us single guys and but feel great if someone makes the effort to break the ice ? It’s not about confidence it’s about learning to communicate Sx | |||
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"Next time you decide to go to Cupids contact me and if I am free I will come with you . When I used to go to Clubs I only socialise anyway so it’s cool with me if you can respect this . I will introduce you to a few nice people . " That is really sweet | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know " He had aspergers easier said than done! | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know He had aspergers easier said than done! " Has not had | |||
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" The advice on the boards is generally along the lines of a not very helpful "stop being a pansy and go" whenever someone asks about a first visit. " I thought of this when I saw this thread, especially men get this "advice" I think the good and polite advice on this thread should apply to anyone | |||
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"i actually watched a louis theroux documentary on swingers last night, he attended a house party with a female friend, she left him to have sex with other people and he said the party was passing him by as he sat watching all the small groups chatting, hardest thing to do is try an introduce yourself into a group, i tried it at the townhouse a while back and was totally ignored, i feel your pain mate, when you don’t know anyone you just feel isolated and the urge to leave increases, ." add Asperger's to the mix and all that gets molitepliyed by 10. I no i got the same condition at op. | |||
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"Next time you decide to go to Cupids contact me and if I am free I will come with you . When I used to go to Clubs I only socialise anyway so it’s cool with me if you can respect this . I will introduce you to a few nice people . " Thank you. That would be very helpful. My next evening visit will be next month but if I might be on holiday then so it could be in June instead. I will be going again next week during the day and a friend will be there to keep me company which is good plus it will be quieter as well | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know " What a stupid comment to make | |||
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"Next time you decide to go to Cupids contact me and if I am free I will come with you . When I used to go to Clubs I only socialise anyway so it’s cool with me if you can respect this . I will introduce you to a few nice people . Thank you. That would be very helpful. My next evening visit will be next month but if I might be on holiday then so it could be in June instead. I will be going again next week during the day and a friend will be there to keep me company which is good plus it will be quieter as well" I don’t get much time free and during days I work . But it’s worth checking with few days notice and I will tell you honestly if I am free or not . | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know " a cruel, callous and totally out of order response. Just because you find it easy to socialize, not every one does, sorry mate but think before you post a comment like that | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know a cruel, callous and totally out of order response. Just because you find it easy to socialize, not every one does, sorry mate but think before you post a comment like that" I think he also has to be mindful of the times that his social skills have gone out the window at events | |||
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"Next time you decide to go to Cupids contact me and if I am free I will come with you . When I used to go to Clubs I only socialise anyway so it’s cool with me if you can respect this . I will introduce you to a few nice people . Thank you. That would be very helpful. My next evening visit will be next month but if I might be on holiday then so it could be in June instead. I will be going again next week during the day and a friend will be there to keep me company which is good plus it will be quieter as well I don’t get much time free and during days I work . But it’s worth checking with few days notice and I will tell you honestly if I am free or not . " Ok. I'll make sure to keep in touch | |||
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"Hi OP. Hope you're having a better day! Lots of nice people on here! Xx" Hello. Yeah I am having a better day today. There sure are great people on here who have helped me quite a lot | |||
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"Hi OP. Hope you're having a better day! Lots of nice people on here! Xx Hello. Yeah I am having a better day today. There sure are great people on here who have helped me quite a lot " That's good to hear! Have a good weekend. | |||
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"Hi OP. Hope you're having a better day! Lots of nice people on here! Xx Hello. Yeah I am having a better day today. There sure are great people on here who have helped me quite a lot That's good to hear! Have a good weekend. " Thanks. I will do | |||
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"Only just come across this thread op, hope your feeling better today. Here if you still want someone to listen " Thank you. Yeah I am feeling better today | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know I wasn't expecting sex, I just wanted a friend to hang out with for the night. Like I said I have Asperger's which makes socialising almost impossible " | |||
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"Oh dear OP, you're pissed off because you couldn't pull in a swingers club? Surely you could have utilised your social skills and interacted with people? Not everyone goes there to shag ya know What a stupid comment to make " | |||
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" The advice on the boards is generally along the lines of a not very helpful "stop being a pansy and go" whenever someone asks about a first visit. I thought of this when I saw this thread, especially men get this "advice" I think the good and polite advice on this thread should apply to anyone " not everyone is from gwew | |||
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"I'm loving the majority of the feedback on here. I have an older teenage son who has been diagnosed with Aspergers. My fear as a mother is that he will struggle out there in the world. The struggle is so real for them in social situations. Not understanding how to read people and social cues etc. To hear such awareness from others fills my wee heart The bravery of this young man for doing something like this is commendable. My boy struggles to leave the house himself never mind go to a club! Big admiration from me to you young man xxx" Thank you so much | |||
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"Spindler, I think you've come a long way from the person that first started on the forums. I'm going to paraphrase Yvaine, we can learn from mistakes. I hope you're feeling better. And I'm yet to go to a club, nevermind on my own." | |||
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"Spindler, I think you've come a long way from the person that first started on the forums. I'm going to paraphrase Yvaine, we can learn from mistakes. I hope you're feeling better. And I'm yet to go to a club, nevermind on my own." Thanks mate. Yeah I am feeling much better. I'm sure you'll be able to get to a club one day | |||
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"We all have these times, I know! Suffering with depression is hard work" Yeah. Depression can be a right pain in the ass | |||
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"Spindler, I think you've come a long way from the person that first started on the forums. I'm going to paraphrase Yvaine, we can learn from mistakes. I hope you're feeling better. And I'm yet to go to a club, nevermind on my own. Thanks mate. Yeah I am feeling much better. I'm sure you'll be able to get to a club one day" This is a lovely thread. Glad you're feeling better. | |||
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"We all have these times, I know! Suffering with depression is hard work Yeah. Depression can be a right pain in the ass" Totally is, but you're doing the right thing and reaching out and talking about it | |||
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"Spindler, I think you've come a long way from the person that first started on the forums. I'm going to paraphrase Yvaine, we can learn from mistakes. I hope you're feeling better. And I'm yet to go to a club, nevermind on my own." You can come to one with us | |||
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"Spindler, I think you've come a long way from the person that first started on the forums. I'm going to paraphrase Yvaine, we can learn from mistakes. I hope you're feeling better. And I'm yet to go to a club, nevermind on my own. Thanks mate. Yeah I am feeling much better. I'm sure you'll be able to get to a club one day This is a lovely thread. Glad you're feeling better. " Yeah I am glad to be feeling better too | |||
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"We all have these times, I know! Suffering with depression is hard work Yeah. Depression can be a right pain in the ass Totally is, but you're doing the right thing and reaching out and talking about it " Yeah definitely | |||
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