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Partners children

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out? "

Pushing limits in your place taking advantage. Not acceptable. Let him get his own place sorted with the child and you can visit there.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I wouldn’t let the child know as none of it’s her fault. I’ve discussed a few times with fella and he tries to keep everyone happy. I just get frustrated. I’m thinking living separately is the only way forward. I don’t like the selfish me but my son is grown up and no longer lives with me. I’ve never been a maternal type sadly

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *radleywigginsMan
over a year ago

northwest

Yep. You didn’t want your own kids, so why should you allow someone else’s forced upon you.

Good to hear a woman’s perspective on something that blokes normally experience.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Pushing limits in your place taking advantage. Not acceptable. Let him get his own place sorted with the child and you can visit there.

I agree but it’s his place too. It’s the only thing we don’t see eye to eye on. He works shifts too so if she’s with us 3 nights I may only see him 1 night 1 day alone

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"I wouldn’t let the child know as none of it’s her fault. I’ve discussed a few times with fella and he tries to keep everyone happy. I just get frustrated. I’m thinking living separately is the only way forward. I don’t like the selfish me but my son is grown up and no longer lives with me. I’ve never been a maternal type sadly "

Oh I absolutely understand. I wanted and love my own kids but could never be a foster parent or anything like that. You're not selfish in my opinion children are a huge drain on your physical and emotional resources.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hmmm it's difficult.

I can empathise - I've been in a similar situation.

But this is your house so you have the upper hand.

The child will always come first -but maybe your partner and his child can do things without you.

You don't have to do everything together.

It's not good for anyone involved to force a relationship.

I say back off and put your foot down about the child staying at your house.

X

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed."

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman
over a year ago

little house on the praire

I dont think your being selfish. I would never have got into a relationship with someone with a child under

16

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I think the solution needs to centre on the child involved not the adults. It's tough on everyone involved but adults have to take a back seat when children are involved in a situation like this.

My opinion op is that you need separate accommodation.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *traight up guyMan
over a year ago

Morpeth

You just need to be honest with her dad and explain to him that while you think that she is great, you have been used to your own space for so long and while 2 days a week is ok, 3-4 is too much. (This assumes that you are happy with the 2 days, otherwise take the opportunity to explain that going from just you in your home to 3 is too much and while you were happy to try it you have realised that its not for you.) If he cannot accommodate your wishes and the two of you sort things out together, you might have to question the relationship.

Good luck.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I think that’s the way forward as although he does things with his daughter separately I resent not being me in my own home regardless.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

"

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When i split up from my wife i met someone else and even after 4 years .She could not except my kids . And was actually jealous when i was with them . i knew deep down it could never work . My kids are my world .

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having a partner with children from a previous relationship is tough. You have to remember that his number one will always be that child, and that he comes as a package.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism. "

I have to say, I agree with Jimi.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism. "

That is why people need to have a 'grown up' conversation in the first place and then not try and change the rules.

I don't have children of my own by choice, and yes I have had strange looks mainly from women over the years, but I don't like children, I've never been maternal so I would never put myself in a situation where I would be expected to act as a 'step mum' for 50% of my week.

Yes you may see that as selfish, but as you said, we are all adults, everyone needs to act as adults and not try and push your own gains by causing discomfort to others.

So honesty and sticking to it is what is needed, otherwise yes I would suggest that he get his own place to live if what was arranged in the first place has slowly been changed.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism. "

I’m not being childish but I gave up 18 years for my child happily why should I be made to live another 5/6 when this ones not mine. I’m not jealous. I choose to be single since splitting with my fathers son so not to have other men in my child’s life or get involved with anyone when my son came first.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Regardless of whether you feel you let on to this little girl or not, I can guarantee she will have picked up on your resentment, and that's wholly unfair on her. You had a choice in starting a relationship with a single father, and you had a choice in moving in with him. I think it shows great integrity on his part that he has his child as often as he can. Arrangements can often be fluid between co-parents over the years as children's needs develop, so in all honesty if there's a "limit" to what you can manage then I don't feel this relationship is right. If you're a step parent, you have to "step" up to the plate, or just not get involved in the first place, is my honest opinion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Regardless of whether you feel you let on to this little girl or not, I can guarantee she will have picked up on your resentment, and that's wholly unfair on her. You had a choice in starting a relationship with a single father, and you had a choice in moving in with him. I think it shows great integrity on his part that he has his child as often as he can. Arrangements can often be fluid between co-parents over the years as children's needs develop, so in all honesty if there's a "limit" to what you can manage then I don't feel this relationship is right. If you're a step parent, you have to "step" up to the plate, or just not get involved in the first place, is my honest opinion."

I agree with this too.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

He’s a very good man and parent. I guess I need to move on then.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism.

That is why people need to have a 'grown up' conversation in the first place and then not try and change the rules.

I don't have children of my own by choice, and yes I have had strange looks mainly from women over the years, but I don't like children, I've never been maternal so I would never put myself in a situation where I would be expected to act as a 'step mum' for 50% of my week.

Yes you may see that as selfish, but as you said, we are all adults, everyone needs to act as adults and not try and push your own gains by causing discomfort to others.

So honesty and sticking to it is what is needed, otherwise yes I would suggest that he get his own place to live if what was arranged in the first place has slowly been changed."

If you got into a relationship with someone with a child, you ought to expect them to put the child first. I would think a guy who gave up extra time with his child just because his girlfriend might be put out to be pretty spineless.

You may not like children, but you'd just have to lump it if you got into a relationship with a guy who has them.

I don't think anyone is expecting the OP to be a step mum, in fact if the child has a mother, then the idea that you, as the girlfriend of the father are some sort of step-mum is mildly odd, and you should probably just get over yourself.

Oh, and good parents will ALWAYS break "the rules" when if it comes to their child.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism.

I’m not being childish but I gave up 18 years for my child happily why should I be made to live another 5/6 when this ones not mine. I’m not jealous. I choose to be single since splitting with my fathers son so not to have other men in my child’s life or get involved with anyone when my son came first. "

If you "gave up" 18 years of your life (which strikes me as an odd term - you weren't dead), then you'll know all about making sacrifices for your kids.

As for not having men in your life because you had a child, that was your decision, which you made for your own reasons. Children don't actually need you as their parent to remain single.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism.

I’m not being childish but I gave up 18 years for my child happily why should I be made to live another 5/6 when this ones not mine. I’m not jealous. I choose to be single since splitting with my fathers son so not to have other men in my child’s life or get involved with anyone when my son came first. "

I think it’s one of those ‘like it, or lump it’ moments.

My Step-Mum resented me, I picked up on it and started to get really anxious whenever I knew I had to go and stay. If I’d known my Dad had chosen to see me less over a new relationship, I’d be devastated.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism.

That is why people need to have a 'grown up' conversation in the first place and then not try and change the rules.

I don't have children of my own by choice, and yes I have had strange looks mainly from women over the years, but I don't like children, I've never been maternal so I would never put myself in a situation where I would be expected to act as a 'step mum' for 50% of my week.

Yes you may see that as selfish, but as you said, we are all adults, everyone needs to act as adults and not try and push your own gains by causing discomfort to others.

So honesty and sticking to it is what is needed, otherwise yes I would suggest that he get his own place to live if what was arranged in the first place has slowly been changed.

If you got into a relationship with someone with a child, you ought to expect them to put the child first. I would think a guy who gave up extra time with his child just because his girlfriend might be put out to be pretty spineless.

You may not like children, but you'd just have to lump it if you got into a relationship with a guy who has them.

I don't think anyone is expecting the OP to be a step mum, in fact if the child has a mother, then the idea that you, as the girlfriend of the father are some sort of step-mum is mildly odd, and you should probably just get over yourself.

Oh, and good parents will ALWAYS break "the rules" when if it comes to their child. "

Of course I would expect a father (if I got into a relationship) to put his child first! That goes without saying to be honest, but to impose his child in my life is not fair to either myself or his child, that is why I suggested he get his own place to live.

I am from divorced parents and faced horrible situations due to his wifes jealously (albeit I was 16 at the time)but in a different country with no where else to turn, So no I would never be in that situation, you should make what ever works for both of you, both the dad in this case or the new girlfriend.

Just don't move the goalposts is all I am saying, that is not too much to ask if you are living in someone else's home as that is not fair!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"He’s a very good man and parent. I guess I need to move on then. "

Move on or accept that your relationship will be limited to an extent. You're being truthful about how you feel and have made it clear that the problem is all yours. It's one of those situations where nobody wins really.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Lots of different opinions and perspectives thank you x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism. "

Agree

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism.

Agree"

It's not against the law to not like children. Probably not wise to start a serious relationship with someone with a kid if thats the way you feel tho.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At the end of the day, you knew he had a kid when you decided to live with him. You made that choice.

At 11, the kid should come first. If you resent her, she will pick up on it and it will damage her and it will end up placing your partner in a difficult situation.

My stepmother resents me. My father refuses to stand up to her and we now have limited communication. It hurts a lot. No child should have to go through that.

My honest opinion is that you need to move on and find someone who doesn't have children - or at least has adult children. I know it's easy to say, but it just sounds like the best solution all round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't move in with a man with children - and probably wouldn't get in a relationship with anyone with young children either.

It's a deal breaker for me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Slightly different I know but I have 3 kids that don’t live with me (2 of my boys are austitic and my ex was a stay at home Dad all their life so made sense for them to stay there) and Ads has two.

I’ve never really been that maternal even with my own children so going into a new relationship with someone with children younger than my own felt like a huge ‘step back’ for me, my youngest had just gone into senior school and now I was back at primary school with step kids in years 2 and 4 at the time and until the first summer I moved here I had never looked after children all day, including my own. I didn’t think twice about saying I would look after them as if helped both Ads and their mum out financially but it was hard, Ads son can be particularly draining and as some of you may be familiar with sometimes when kids live most of their time with one parent, sometimes they ‘act’ a different way with that parent to they act with you and his son couldn’t do his laces up etc because his mum didn’t teach him this as much as Ads tried but was loosing a battle so ‘gave up’ a little and then I came along and I taught him those things, shoe laces, using a knife and fork when you eat dinner that kind of thing (Jesus I make them sound feral. They wasn’t!) and together Ads and I worked together to make their little life a little better as at their home they don’t (especially his son) gets much attention etc.

What I’m trying to say is, going into a relationship with children much younger than you are used to can be a bit daunting but maybe you might be the person to help her in a kind of way that she might need.

Talk to your partner because one thing Ads and I said from the very start of our relationship kids come first and if at any time any of our kids had issues with the relationship we would have worked on ways to improve it or sadly end it, this man comes with a child that isn’t going anywhere, so you have to think past the man and what comes with him, plus also if you have moved in (Ads ex wouldn’t let me meet his kids for a while and neither would mine, him) the daughter will be thinking and maybe hoping you are a permanent fixture in her life so if you decide to have your own space I would do it sooner rather than later.

Geeky x

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x "

You've made the best decision.

Best of luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x "

Good decision, best for the kid.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

Good decision, best for the kid. "

Lol it's her house! It's her that's being taken advantage of and being forced into a situation she didn't sign up for. So no, its the best thing the OP can do for herself!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

Good decision, best for the kid.

Lol it's her house! It's her that's being taken advantage of and being forced into a situation she didn't sign up for. So no, its the best thing the OP can do for herself!"

She knew he had a young kid when she invited him to move in!

I don't think the OP is a terrible person, but she wasn't tricked into this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

Good decision, best for the kid.

Lol it's her house! It's her that's being taken advantage of and being forced into a situation she didn't sign up for. So no, its the best thing the OP can do for herself!"

Ya I know that it is her house, but imagine being that kid around a strangers house were the dad's friend doesn't want them to be around her house..

I wouldn't stay in anyone's house if I feel that I am unwelcome. So I still stand by what I said... Good for the kid

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one. "

As it should be.

OP, accept it or leave them alone.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

Good decision, best for the kid. "

I'll agree with this.

She's there forever and it's not fair on her that her dad fell for a woman who doesn't like children. She shouldn't be forced to live with someone who resents her so much.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

Good decision, best for the kid.

Lol it's her house! It's her that's being taken advantage of and being forced into a situation she didn't sign up for. So no, its the best thing the OP can do for herself!

She knew he had a young kid when she invited him to move in!

I was asked to share my life twice a week. I am big enough to realise that things change. But it’s often 3/4 nights and 3 nights at his mothers - her mum won’t put herself out!

This coming Christmas I’m expected to have her from the 21st of December to the 1st January/ common that’s not what I signed up for!!

I don't think the OP is a terrible person, but she wasn't tricked into this."

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By *elshsunsWoman
over a year ago

Flintshire


"Regardless of whether you feel you let on to this little girl or not, I can guarantee she will have picked up on your resentment, and that's wholly unfair on her. You had a choice in starting a relationship with a single father, and you had a choice in moving in with him. I think it shows great integrity on his part that he has his child as often as he can. Arrangements can often be fluid between co-parents over the years as children's needs develop, so in all honesty if there's a "limit" to what you can manage then I don't feel this relationship is right. If you're a step parent, you have to "step" up to the plate, or just not get involved in the first place, is my honest opinion.

I agree with this too.

"

Agree too

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

Good decision, best for the kid.

Lol it's her house! It's her that's being taken advantage of and being forced into a situation she didn't sign up for. So no, its the best thing the OP can do for herself!

Ya I know that it is her house, but imagine being that kid around a strangers house were the dad's friend doesn't want them to be around her house..

I wouldn't stay in anyone's house if I feel that I am unwelcome. So I still stand by what I said... Good for the kid "

The child knows nothing and asks to see me so as it is now she is unaware. I would never let it get to the point she is aware as I am an adult.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thank you. Sadly I’ve decided he needs to move out. If we survive from there great if not it wasn’t meant to be x

Good decision, best for the kid.

Lol it's her house! It's her that's being taken advantage of and being forced into a situation she didn't sign up for. So no, its the best thing the OP can do for herself!

Ya I know that it is her house, but imagine being that kid around a strangers house were the dad's friend doesn't want them to be around her house..

I wouldn't stay in anyone's house if I feel that I am unwelcome. So I still stand by what I said... Good for the kid

The child knows nothing and asks to see me so as it is now she is unaware. I would never let it get to the point she is aware as I am an adult. "

What is it about her/children that you don't like?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When you get into a relationship with a man you sign up for his children too.

As an adult I would have thought you would know that.

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By *eliciousladyWoman
over a year ago

Sometimes U.K


"At the end of the day, you knew he had a kid when you decided to live with him. You made that choice. "

If the whole thread is read, the boyfriend moved in with the OP.

There is always going to be a ‘for’ and ‘against’ point of view, from both the parent and non parent.

Talk to your boyfriend about your feelings, he could have the impression you’re fine with the extra visits as you’ve not said otherwise.

It’s all about keeping open communication between you both.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"When you get into a relationship with a man you sign up for his children too.

As an adult I would have thought you would know that. "

I disagree totally.

When you sign up for a relationship with another you sign up for a relationship with that adult.

If the person you start a relationship with has children, those children do not become your responsibility. Even if they move in with you they are not your responsibility unless it is discussed and agreed with your new partner.

Personally I would NOT mind the child while my partner did something else.

If HE has custody he has custody. You don't have to come as a free child minder.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

P.S. Life is nicer when people get on and help each other out but sod that. I would not be losing any free time I had so that the actual parents have none contact time. Their kids, their responsibility.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

She doesn’t live with us just to clarify.

I made my feelings very clear before him moving in but the goalposts have changed to dramatically for me.

I don’t dislike her at all she is lovely and I enjoy time with her but it’s too much time now

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

If she doesn't live with you then you are being taken advantage of.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She doesn’t live with us just to clarify.

I made my feelings very clear before him moving in but the goalposts have changed to dramatically for me.

I don’t dislike her at all she is lovely and I enjoy time with her but it’s too much time now"

Let him go then.

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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago

Limerick

You signed up for 1/2 nights. What planet are you on!!

Would you be posting if it was your child that was the younger one being at home more??

He comes as a package and you knew that. Access arrangements change.

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By *eanontiWoman
over a year ago

Limerick


"When you get into a relationship with a man you sign up for his children too.

As an adult I would have thought you would know that. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When you get into a relationship with a man you sign up for his children too.

As an adult I would have thought you would know that.

I disagree totally.

When you sign up for a relationship with another you sign up for a relationship with that adult.

If the person you start a relationship with has children, those children do not become your responsibility. Even if they move in with you they are not your responsibility unless it is discussed and agreed with your new partner.

Personally I would NOT mind the child while my partner did something else.

If HE has custody he has custody. You don't have to come as a free child minder. "

I disagree.

If a person has a child who they have custody of, one should expect to have to do ones bit if one wants to see the daddy.

Maybe it's because I'm an unselfish person, who likes children, that I think that way.

I think the best thing would be for him to find someone who does like children, before it gets to an "It's her or me" situation.

I've seen that happen and the father give up his child.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"You signed up for 1/2 nights. What planet are you on!!

Would you be posting if it was your child that was the younger one being at home more??

He comes as a package and you knew that. Access arrangements change."

She's probably on THIS planet.

If a couple split there is usually a custody arrangement.

If she doesn't have custody she doesn't have responsibility for the child.

If I moved a male into my home he needs to agree with me what days the child can be over. It's not the other way around.

If he has full time custody it would be different. It sounds to me like he sees her when he can. Hardly the relationship the that O.P. thought she was getting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What if you marry him? Will you want to restrict his seeing his child still? The future is a long time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"She doesn’t live with us just to clarify.

I made my feelings very clear before him moving in but the goalposts have changed to dramatically for me.

I don’t dislike her at all she is lovely and I enjoy time with her but it’s too much time now"

I think moving him out is the best thing. See him when he’s free and that way you get your time alone with him and he gets time alone with his daughter.

I’d make some serious decisions about the relationship though.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"You signed up for 1/2 nights. What planet are you on!!

Would you be posting if it was your child that was the younger one being at home more??

He comes as a package and you knew that. Access arrangements change.

She's probably on THIS planet.

If a couple split there is usually a custody arrangement.

If she doesn't have custody she doesn't have responsibility for the child.

If I moved a male into my home he needs to agree with me what days the child can be over. It's not the other way around.

If he has full time custody it would be different. It sounds to me like he sees her when he can. Hardly the relationship the that O.P. thought she was getting. "

Then she should end it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"When you get into a relationship with a man you sign up for his children too.

As an adult I would have thought you would know that.

I disagree totally.

When you sign up for a relationship with another you sign up for a relationship with that adult.

If the person you start a relationship with has children, those children do not become your responsibility. Even if they move in with you they are not your responsibility unless it is discussed and agreed with your new partner.

Personally I would NOT mind the child while my partner did something else.

If HE has custody he has custody. You don't have to come as a free child minder.

I disagree.

If a person has a child who they have custody of, one should expect to have to do ones bit if one wants to see the daddy.

Maybe it's because I'm an unselfish person, who likes children, that I think that way.

I think the best thing would be for him to find someone who does like children, before it gets to an "It's her or me" situation.

I've seen that happen and the father give up his child. "

We don't know yet if he has custody. Do we ?

I'm not selfish and I like children. That doesn't mean that if I meet a bloke I like that I wan't to become a full time parent.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"You signed up for 1/2 nights. What planet are you on!!

Would you be posting if it was your child that was the younger one being at home more??

He comes as a package and you knew that. Access arrangements change.

She's probably on THIS planet.

If a couple split there is usually a custody arrangement.

If she doesn't have custody she doesn't have responsibility for the child.

If I moved a male into my home he needs to agree with me what days the child can be over. It's not the other way around.

If he has full time custody it would be different. It sounds to me like he sees her when he can. Hardly the relationship the that O.P. thought she was getting.

Then she should end it. "

Not really. They need to talk and get things sorted.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"She doesn’t live with us just to clarify.

I made my feelings very clear before him moving in but the goalposts have changed to dramatically for me.

I don’t dislike her at all she is lovely and I enjoy time with her but it’s too much time now

I think moving him out is the best thing. See him when he’s free and that way you get your time alone with him and he gets time alone with his daughter.

I’d make some serious decisions about the relationship though. "

This makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you're happy to be fuck buddies and only see him when he's not with the child, do that instead.

Once the child is older she will probably rather be out with her friends instead of spending time with her dad, anyway.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"What if you marry him? Will you want to restrict his seeing his child still? The future is a long time. "

I don't want to marry him.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What if you marry him? Will you want to restrict his seeing his child still? The future is a long time.

I don't want to marry him. "

Have you been on the brandy again?

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Her mum takes the mickey she wants her freedom that’s the only reason she needs to come to us more! It’s not that she wants to come more.

I think some of you have a very black & white view. I’m not an unpaid babysitter to enable her mother to go get d*unk. She cheated and left but now realises it’s hard being a single parent. I’m happy to help out more every now again but this is too much.

I’m clearly a complete butch fir wanting a reasonable amount of me time after my son has grown up. I didn’t need to be told it’s not an ideal situation I found myself in but I did and have hence me looking for advise how to keep all 3 of us happy

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"What if you marry him? Will you want to restrict his seeing his child still? The future is a long time.

I don't want to marry him.

Have you been on the brandy again? "

Noooooo not had a drink all week. I thought you might be on the Gin.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Her mum takes the mickey she wants her freedom that’s the only reason she needs to come to us more! It’s not that she wants to come more.

I think some of you have a very black & white view. I’m not an unpaid babysitter to enable her mother to go get d*unk. She cheated and left but now realises it’s hard being a single parent. I’m happy to help out more every now again but this is too much.

I’m clearly a complete butch fir wanting a reasonable amount of me time after my son has grown up. I didn’t need to be told it’s not an ideal situation I found myself in but I did and have hence me looking for advise how to keep all 3 of us happy "

I suspected that the child lived with MUM. What are the LEGAL custody arrangements ?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Her mum takes the mickey she wants her freedom that’s the only reason she needs to come to us more! It’s not that she wants to come more.

I think some of you have a very black & white view. I’m not an unpaid babysitter to enable her mother to go get d*unk. She cheated and left but now realises it’s hard being a single parent. I’m happy to help out more every now again but this is too much.

I’m clearly a complete butch fir wanting a reasonable amount of me time after my son has grown up. I didn’t need to be told it’s not an ideal situation I found myself in but I did and have hence me looking for advise how to keep all 3 of us happy "

It's difficult to have a view when we don't know all the facts.

Has he not got a mouth to talk to the mum about her drinking problems?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"What if you marry him? Will you want to restrict his seeing his child still? The future is a long time.

I don't want to marry him.

Have you been on the brandy again?

Noooooo not had a drink all week. I thought you might be on the Gin. "

Ugh, can't stand the stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To keep all 3 of you happy you have to bite the bullet and be the nice step mum.

I feel very sorry for this child.

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out? "

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"What if you marry him? Will you want to restrict his seeing his child still? The future is a long time.

I don't want to marry him.

Have you been on the brandy again?

Noooooo not had a drink all week. I thought you might be on the Gin.

Ugh, can't stand the stuff. "

I was on anti biotics last weekend so ... haven't had a drink all week.

Might do on Saturday tho .... I have a lovely bottle of red in. Not been in the mood this week. I have a bloody ton of stuff in always. Seldom touch it.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

You have to live apart or end it IMO, you cannot be in a relationship with someone who's children's presence you resent, it will ruin everything.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?"

No they had split 18 months before

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are. "

You judgemental nasty piece of work!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How long were you together before he moved in? You said it moved very quickly x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How long were you together before he moved in? You said it moved very quickly x"

Why did you let it move so quickly?

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Admin please close this post I do not need this kind of comments. I’ve been honest with him since day one.

I asked for advise to help from all prospectives and knew people would say I was wrong which is fine I understand I am

In some ways but being personal is uncalled for and speaks more about you than me.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are. "

That's below the belt, she has done nothing wrong, just found herself in an untenable situation.

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton


"Regardless of whether you feel you let on to this little girl or not, I can guarantee she will have picked up on your resentment, and that's wholly unfair on her. You had a choice in starting a relationship with a single father, and you had a choice in moving in with him. I think it shows great integrity on his part that he has his child as often as he can. Arrangements can often be fluid between co-parents over the years as children's needs develop, so in all honesty if there's a "limit" to what you can manage then I don't feel this relationship is right. If you're a step parent, you have to "step" up to the plate, or just not get involved in the first place, is my honest opinion."

Agreed

Im a Step Dad to four.

I remember that a lady once referred to my biological daughter as "Baggage". Didnt see her as a Lady anymore... lol

We are the adults in such a situation, if you cant/dont want to handle such accordingly, then dont date people with past relationships that involve kids!!!

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"How long were you together before he moved in? You said it moved very quickly x"

5.5 months

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before "

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

That's below the belt, she has done nothing wrong, just found herself in an untenable situation.

"
I agree. No need.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Regardless of whether you feel you let on to this little girl or not, I can guarantee she will have picked up on your resentment, and that's wholly unfair on her. You had a choice in starting a relationship with a single father, and you had a choice in moving in with him. I think it shows great integrity on his part that he has his child as often as he can. Arrangements can often be fluid between co-parents over the years as children's needs develop, so in all honesty if there's a "limit" to what you can manage then I don't feel this relationship is right. If you're a step parent, you have to "step" up to the plate, or just not get involved in the first place, is my honest opinion.

Agreed

Im a Step Dad to four.

I remember that a lady once referred to my biological daughter as "Baggage". Didnt see her as a Lady anymore... lol

We are the adults in such a situation, if you cant/dont want to handle such accordingly, then dont date people with past relationships that involve kids!!!"

She is NOT her step mum.

Her new man has a daughter.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

You judgemental nasty piece of work! "

Sorry that you don’t like the truth.

You come on an anonymous swinging website and look for support about dealing with a Partners child?

Get over yourself and stop being so selfish. You are presumably a mature, fully developed human being and do you must know about children.

Nothing nasty. But if it makes you leave him and do protects that child from growing up in a house where they are resented - then in my opinion that is a result,

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

"

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"How long were you together before he moved in? You said it moved very quickly x

5.5 months "

That’s not ‘that’ quick, I moved in with Ads after 8 (moved 50 miles to be with him so wasn’t the next town over). I think I’m your heart of hearts know what you want to do and you will hopefully be happier (probably all 3 of you) when you are all where you need to be, she will always come first to him unfortunately but I’m hoping apart you can still make a go of it x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"Admin please close this post I do not need this kind of comments. I’ve been honest with him since day one.

I asked for advise to help from all prospectives and knew people would say I was wrong which is fine I understand I am

In some ways but being personal is uncalled for and speaks more about you than me. "

I agree it's totally uncalled for - you may have made a mistake, but it sounds to me like you just bit off more than you could chew without realising.

A friend of mine (with grown kids) got into a relationship with a guy with a very young daughter who visited, and thought she could make it work, struggled for two years trying to, and in the end failed and they split and she's heartbroken.

Shit happens, we can't always predict how things will turn out.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

"

Difficult. It sounds like an unstable situation for the child. ( because of mum I mean not because of O.P. ) but it's still not for the O.P. to have to shoulder the mum's needs.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

"

That’s fine when there’s emergencies or the need arises which it does and I’ve been fine with that. It’s the regular thing of more nights than I signed up for. It’s been the last 10 weekends and I’m sorry that’s too much for me.

We’ve agreed living separately is the way forward as I wouldn’t make him choose at all as that’s a terrible thing to do. Asking for a compromise I don’t feel is

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

most people don't actually read what you say on these post or read a bit then make the rest up.

Don't give them the time of day.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

Difficult. It sounds like an unstable situation for the child. ( because of mum I mean not because of O.P. ) but it's still not for the O.P. to have to shoulder the mum's needs. "

I think a transition period might have been better. Him only staying on nights he definitely didn't have the child. In the long run though-and if they are going to get married-the OP would have accept the child could want more contact with her dad.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

That’s fine when there’s emergencies or the need arises which it does and I’ve been fine with that. It’s the regular thing of more nights than I signed up for. It’s been the last 10 weekends and I’m sorry that’s too much for me.

We’ve agreed living separately is the way forward as I wouldn’t make him choose at all as that’s a terrible thing to do. Asking for a compromise I don’t feel is "

The last 10 weekends?! Does the mum not have her much (well from what I’ve read not much) but does she not realise that you as a couple probably want some time alone too, having her for the last ten weekends I can see why you are feeling this way x

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"most people don't actually read what you say on these post or read a bit then make the rest up.

Don't give them the time of day.

"

I like make up. Im getting a rest at the weekend.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

That’s fine when there’s emergencies or the need arises which it does and I’ve been fine with that. It’s the regular thing of more nights than I signed up for. It’s been the last 10 weekends and I’m sorry that’s too much for me.

We’ve agreed living separately is the way forward as I wouldn’t make him choose at all as that’s a terrible thing to do. Asking for a compromise I don’t feel is "

He needs to speak to the mother, unless he actually wants the child around more and doesn't want to say anything to you.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple
over a year ago

luton


"Regardless of whether you feel you let on to this little girl or not, I can guarantee she will have picked up on your resentment, and that's wholly unfair on her. You had a choice in starting a relationship with a single father, and you had a choice in moving in with him. I think it shows great integrity on his part that he has his child as often as he can. Arrangements can often be fluid between co-parents over the years as children's needs develop, so in all honesty if there's a "limit" to what you can manage then I don't feel this relationship is right. If you're a step parent, you have to "step" up to the plate, or just not get involved in the first place, is my honest opinion.

Agreed

Im a Step Dad to four.

I remember that a lady once referred to my biological daughter as "Baggage". Didnt see her as a Lady anymore... lol

We are the adults in such a situation, if you cant/dont want to handle such accordingly, then dont date people with past relationships that involve kids!!!

She is NOT her step mum.

Her new man has a daughter. "

Where do you think the relationship is going to ultimately progress too, if it continues?

Is she going to end it now? Probably better to do so imo.

Become a resentful Step mum?

Or Grow up and realise that she needs to be an adult about her involvement with the child of a partner... she Chose!!!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *urvymamaWoman
over a year ago

Doncaster

Personally if I felt that strongly about children I’d have never entered into a relationship with the man.

Push too much and risk loosing him completely. After my parents separated my dad got with a woman that resented me and siblings and it was obvious she did (so trust me she’ll already know!) as I knew so I pushed the boundaries (rebellious tween spirit) and popped by for surprise visits to deliberately piss her off basically and I would be surprised if her upping her nights there isn’t her doing just the same. eventually it came down to an ultimatum, she made him choose between her or us and he instantly packed his bags, left and never looked back.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

You judgemental nasty piece of work!

Sorry that you don’t like the truth.

You come on an anonymous swinging website and look for support about dealing with a Partners child?

Get over yourself and stop being so selfish. You are presumably a mature, fully developed human being and do you must know about children.

Nothing nasty. But if it makes you leave him and do protects that child from growing up in a house where they are resented - then in my opinion that is a result,"

Is it the truth though?

Or are you just giving your opinion in an overly judgemental, harsh way!?!

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"When i split up from my wife i met someone else and even after 4 years .She could not except my kids . And was actually jealous when i was with them . i knew deep down it could never work . My kids are my world . "

This surely this is something you should have considered before moving in together? That his kid would always come first? You said the relationship moved fast, maybe too fast.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

Difficult. It sounds like an unstable situation for the child. ( because of mum I mean not because of O.P. ) but it's still not for the O.P. to have to shoulder the mum's needs.

I think a transition period might have been better. Him only staying on nights he definitely didn't have the child. In the long run though-and if they are going to get married-the OP would have accept the child could want more contact with her dad.

"

Yep. But if she wants more contact with her dad he can take responsibility for her.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did he leave his wife's house to move in with you ?

No they had split 18 months before

Good. Then he moved in with you to be with you.

Don't take to heart most of the comments made on here.

From what I can see you and he need to speak about what access he has to his daughter. It's your house and your life. ( im assuming he's not on any rent book or isn't owning with you ) Discuss with him that his daughter is welcome 2 nights a week. Emergencies and one offs are different of course.

You're not her mum and you are not responsible for her.

If she lived with him things would be different. You would have taken them both on im sure.

What will he do though if he has to look after the child on other nights?

Difficult. It sounds like an unstable situation for the child. ( because of mum I mean not because of O.P. ) but it's still not for the O.P. to have to shoulder the mum's needs.

I think a transition period might have been better. Him only staying on nights he definitely didn't have the child. In the long run though-and if they are going to get married-the OP would have accept the child could want more contact with her dad.

Yep. But if she wants more contact with her dad he can take responsibility for her.

"

Now he isn't living there it won't be a problem. The problem will now be the OP won't see him as much.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

You were straight up with him from the get go so he knew how you felt and what you wanted and was willing to do.

It was up to him to say no sorry I can't except them terms.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'd rather see a bloke once a week sans kids than live with him and have a child here several nights a week.

She's not me though Time will tell.

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

You judgemental nasty piece of work!

Sorry that you don’t like the truth.

You come on an anonymous swinging website and look for support about dealing with a Partners child?

Get over yourself and stop being so selfish. You are presumably a mature, fully developed human being and do you must know about children.

Nothing nasty. But if it makes you leave him and do protects that child from growing up in a house where they are resented - then in my opinion that is a result,

Is it the truth though?

Or are you just giving your opinion in an overly judgemental, harsh way!?! "

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

You judgemental nasty piece of work!

Sorry that you don’t like the truth.

You come on an anonymous swinging website and look for support about dealing with a Partners child?

Get over yourself and stop being so selfish. You are presumably a mature, fully developed human being and do you must know about children.

Nothing nasty. But if it makes you leave him and do protects that child from growing up in a house where they are resented - then in my opinion that is a result,

Is it the truth though?

Or are you just giving your opinion in an overly judgemental, harsh way!?!

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality."

I've seen post about bloody plants why can't she talk about it here? people talk about all kinds of things and they have every right to.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

You judgemental nasty piece of work!

Sorry that you don’t like the truth.

You come on an anonymous swinging website and look for support about dealing with a Partners child?

Get over yourself and stop being so selfish. You are presumably a mature, fully developed human being and do you must know about children.

Nothing nasty. But if it makes you leave him and do protects that child from growing up in a house where they are resented - then in my opinion that is a result,

Is it the truth though?

Or are you just giving your opinion in an overly judgemental, harsh way!?!

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality."

I’ve seen people ask the forum about lumps on their arseholes instead of going to an actual Doctor.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Her mum takes the mickey she wants her freedom that’s the only reason she needs to come to us more! It’s not that she wants to come more.

I think some of you have a very black & white view. I’m not an unpaid babysitter to enable her mother to go get d*unk. She cheated and left but now realises it’s hard being a single parent. I’m happy to help out more every now again but this is too much.

I’m clearly a complete butch fir wanting a reasonable amount of me time after my son has grown up. I didn’t need to be told it’s not an ideal situation I found myself in but I did and have hence me looking for advise how to keep all 3 of us happy "

In that case, the poor kid needs a stable dad more than ever.

I understand feeling cheated because you signed up for something else, but arrangements with young children are rarely black and white. What if something happened to the mother and she had to live with her father full time? These are things that need to be considered when young children are involved.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are.

You judgemental nasty piece of work!

Sorry that you don’t like the truth.

You come on an anonymous swinging website and look for support about dealing with a Partners child?

Get over yourself and stop being so selfish. You are presumably a mature, fully developed human being and do you must know about children.

Nothing nasty. But if it makes you leave him and do protects that child from growing up in a house where they are resented - then in my opinion that is a result,

Is it the truth though?

Or are you just giving your opinion in an overly judgemental, harsh way!?!

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality.

I’ve seen people ask the forum about lumps on their arseholes instead of going to an actual Doctor. "

Only when the lumps move in and bring their kids with them.

 (closed, thread got too big)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds to me as if you moved in together far too quickly, him moving back out again would seem to be the obvious answer if you don't want kids in your space.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Regardless of whether you feel you let on to this little girl or not, I can guarantee she will have picked up on your resentment, and that's wholly unfair on her. You had a choice in starting a relationship with a single father, and you had a choice in moving in with him. I think it shows great integrity on his part that he has his child as often as he can. Arrangements can often be fluid between co-parents over the years as children's needs develop, so in all honesty if there's a "limit" to what you can manage then I don't feel this relationship is right. If you're a step parent, you have to "step" up to the plate, or just not get involved in the first place, is my honest opinion."

Well said.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am glad I am not the only woman who would not want to take on step children, I have never been interested in friends/families children,only my own.

I would now not start a relationship with a man with young kids. However my former FWB had one son and I would have happily taken him on full-time if a relationship had occurred.

It's a tricky situation for the OP, as a young girls interests are at heart. However if she is 11 the situation will not be forever as she will be doing more of her own thing in a few years time. In the meantime you are going to have to compromise and suck it up if you want your relationship with the dad to succeed. Maybe the child prefers to be with you and her dad, than with her mum. Maybe she really likes you as a step parent. XXX

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one. "

I agree. You knew he had a child before getting into the relationship I assume ?

Child are part of the package at times.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Yes I knew as I’ve known him for 15 years as friends

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out? "

I feel for you.

When I met my husband I knew he had two sons. We used to have them every other weekend, then every weekend because their mum needed a break.

She never worked a day in her life whilst I worked full time. The boys were good kids and I was proud of my ex for being part of his sons lives but I grew to secretly resent them.

I was just honest with my husband. I told him I understood he needed to be part of their lives and he could see them whenever but I didn't want them every weekend. Because I hadn't said anything he thought it was ok.

My daughter is in a similar situation with her partner and his two sons. They've just had a baby and live in a one bed flat. Add to teenage boys and it gets crowded.

Talk to your partner especially as it's your home: why be miserable in your own home, you'll only end up loathing both of them.

Good luck.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one.

I agree. You knew he had a child before getting into the relationship I assume ?

Child are part of the package at times. "

You'd move into someone's home, change what's agreed and tell them to do one...in their own home?!!

...duppy know who fe frighten!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I find it quite odd that people think it's "selfish" not to like other people's children.

Or children full stop.

Some people don't like animals and wouldn't want them living with them - but I doubt that's seen as "selfish

As far as "doing one" goes if I didn't want to take on the role of babysitter - I would happily do so!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are. "

The op is honest, that's what I see, honesty.

And fair play she's got the bollox to admit how she feels.

If she was selfish and not thinking of the child then it would be her way or no way.

I agree kids come first, my kids still come first at 24 and 22, and if my partner had children then so would their child, however I have not the right to tell anyone else how they should feel.

Give the lady a break, she is trying to find an amicable solution which benefits everyone.

Good look OP. Hope this situation gets resolved quickly and cleanly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

His daughter will always be part of the package though, even when a grown up. Would you suddenly have no issue when she’s 18?

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford


"To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one.

I agree. You knew he had a child before getting into the relationship I assume ?

Child are part of the package at times.

You'd move into someone's home, change what's agreed and tell them to do one...in their own home?!!

...duppy know who fe frighten!"

Depends- if I moved in with someone, I probably would look for a new place with them. We're the shoe on the other foot and I decided that a partner could move in with me, she'd pay half the rent and I'd consider it our home after that and not my home.

Also, by "do one" I meant the relationship would be over, not that I would assume possession of a property.

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By *untimes6969Man
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Take the advice you need and leave the rest! We all know it can be a difficult situation, communication is the key whilst managing expectations - this can be exceptionally hard with the ex partner!

Things change all the time and you were honest at the outset, unfortunately outside pressures are affecting your relationship but time will move on and the daughter will soon be doing her own thing and I'm sure things could level out!

Good luck!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out? "

I haven't got any advice as such only ground rules should have been made before living together, but I did have a similar thing happen to me sometime back, only the woman I was seeing had kids herself and just didnt like it when I spent time with my daughter which was only every other weekend, she would be very selfish when my daughter was around which ended in me telling her to do one, so all I could say is if you really like this dude and dont want to split be careful how you act around him and his daughter as he will pick up on it and might start a nasty argument,,,good luck hope it works out for you both

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By *essandpatCouple
over a year ago

chester

Just be careful my brother has 3 girls the oldest doesn’t live with him as she is from a different relationship, things were OK to begin with as he saw her every weekend, then things started to change more arguments as stuff like that, now he doesn't see her, when your stuck in the middle trying to keep the piece he's girls friend wanted one thing and his ex wants the other, so now he doesn't see her and that was his ex who made that decision x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s a tricky situation, but one good thing from reading this thread is that it has made me appreciate my ex’s older girlfriend and how daunting it must have been taking on my ex who had a 2 year old and an (at that time) unborn child to think about taking on at weekends when her children were much, much older.

Although saying that, she knew what she was getting into. My two are now quite fond of her.

At least you’ve been honest OP. You could have brewed on it and it could have got ugly, but as it is now it’s salvagable.

I hope things turn out ok for all involved.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No one can make you change how you feel OP, hope everything works out well for you. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

You get involved with someone who has children and you just have to accept that kids will impose themselves on your relationship - even unintentionally.

If you don’t like or want involvenent with other people’s kids then don’t get involved with them. Life changes, shit happens and invariably it is not the fault of the kids.

I hope he sees this thread and sees you for what you are. "

I think that was totally uncalled for. Although i agree with some of the comments to this thread this is not one of them. This person has reached out for some advice and really what she has got was a lot of opinions. She has said she likes the young girl but did not expect this situation to impact on her life so much. Her partner has a child that needs caring for and although i feel the extra days that the daughter is staying goes with the territory, i also feel op has a point. Op doesnt want thw relationship to end and instead has just changed the living arrangements which in the long run may have a more positive outcome on the relationship of all three people involved. So it looks lile op may have seen the bigger picture.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism. "

Really? I'm of the view personally that kids are like farts, I can only stand my own.

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism.

Really? I'm of the view personally that kids are like farts, I can only stand my own. "

...and let's be honest, we sometimes have to leave a room when we've let one rip!

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

We have gone out separate ways he’s moved his stuff and gone. Thanks to all advice and messages of understanding xx

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

That's sad to hear,but if thing's weren't right it's for the best. Can you not still see other on a less frequent basis or do neither of you want that?

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I’m not sure what I want. Thought it was sorted but clearly he has thought it’s for the best and I have to accept that. I had to be honest and it backfired massively so now I need to move on I guess x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

17 hours ago you posted asking for advice and now you have split up?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"I’m not sure what I want. Thought it was sorted but clearly he has thought it’s for the best and I have to accept that. I had to be honest and it backfired massively so now I need to move on I guess x "

Well you would only feel more resentful if things carried on so something had to change,I personally wouldn't want to meet someone with young children.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"17 hours ago you posted asking for advice and now you have split up?

"

Yeah his stuff and him are gone. He wanted out he’s done as he needed

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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

She’ll soon be more independent and not need her Dad so much. My daughter is 18 and asked for a friend to stay over last minute last night. I agreed and she’s happy. There plenty times she stays over at friends houses.

I think you need to strike a balance as it won’t be forever. Before you know it she’ll be gone and you may even miss her.

My daughter doesn’t see her Dad and hasn’t seen him on a regular basis for years. Have to see it from his side as well.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out? "

If you resent the child you absolutely must end it with your partner.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out?

If you resent the child you absolutely must end it with your partner. "

She has. 17 hours after she asked for advice

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"17 hours ago you posted asking for advice and now you have split up?

Yeah his stuff and him are gone. He wanted out he’s done as he needed "

I hope things work out well for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"We have gone out separate ways he’s moved his stuff and gone. Thanks to all advice and messages of understanding xx "
.

Onwards and upwards

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By *innamon!Woman
over a year ago

no matter


"17 hours ago you posted asking for advice and now you have split up?

Yeah his stuff and him are gone. He wanted out he’s done as he needed "

How sad you both couldn’t find neutral ground.

. I was a 12 year old stepdaughter when my mum re married . Was a very difficult time As he had 3 grown up children he never wanted me in his life. He wasn’t a good dad. Turned out he was a bully used to hit my mum.worst 6 years of my life till he died. Even then he left us homeless.

I suspect him leaving is probably the best thing for you all.

I do want to pass a comment on you saying you gave up your life for 18 years . How sad you felt your child was such a burden and that you think at 18 parenting stops.

I have such a special relationship with my son now coming up 40 I still parent. Help him out buy treats have holidays. My life would be so empty without him.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

It was maybe the wrong way to put it. What I meant was I put him first and didn’t allow men other than his dad into that part of our lives, my choice rightly or wrongly. I guess that’s why it’s so gutting to loose my first loving relationship in 11 years so abruptly but I think long term it’s for the best of us all x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed."

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

I’m clearly a complete butch fir wanting a reasonable amount of me time after my son has grown up. I didn’t need to be told it’s not an ideal situation I found myself in but I did and have hence me looking for advise how to keep all 3 of us happy "

I don't think you are a bitch, I wouldn't want to help bring up another child after mine had grown up either. I also don't think it is a crime to say so either.

I personally would have to have a good think of what is more important for ME whether that sounds selfish or not. Go with what will make you happy, if that means walking away because you wouldn't expect your B/F not to see his child then that's what is right for you.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Thank you xxxx

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality."

She was asking advice, it is allowed. Just as you are allowed to post on politic threads, the site isn't just about swinging.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality.

She was asking advice, it is allowed. Just as you are allowed to post on politic threads, the site isn't just about swinging."

Thanks

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"I’m not sure what I want. Thought it was sorted but clearly he has thought it’s for the best and I have to accept that. I had to be honest and it backfired massively so now I need to move on I guess x "

I should have read to the bottom. You had to be honest , it just means this relationship wasn't for you.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Sadly not but it still hurts

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It was maybe the wrong way to put it. What I meant was I put him first and didn’t allow men other than his dad into that part of our lives, my choice rightly or wrongly. I guess that’s why it’s so gutting to loose my first loving relationship in 11 years so abruptly but I think long term it’s for the best of us all x "

Try and see the positives. It's sad to split up but you weren't totally happy. You've had a loving relationship so you know you can have another. Hope you feel better. x

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Try and see the positives. It's sad to split up but you weren't totally happy. You've had a loving relationship so you know you can have another. Hope you feel better. x

Not thought of it that way, thank you

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By *hips n FursMan
over a year ago

Huddersfield

Good luck OP,hope the future brings good things for you. We all deserve to be happy.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"In a nut shell I have been single for 10 years by choice and just had fwb. I’m now in a relationship that’s moved fast. We live together in my apartment. My issue is his child. 11 years. She is a great child, no personal issues.

How do I get over the fact that I dislike children full stop and I resent her being around so much. I signed up to 2 nights a week but often it’s 3/4.

I don’t need slating as I am aware it’s my problem no one else’s. I’m just wondering if anyone who has had a similar struggle could help me work my issues out? "
you are in the wrong relationship and your feelings for children will not change

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By *rank n BettyCouple
over a year ago

Not meeting

I often wonder how/why Frank puts up with my kids. He doesn’t have any & we won’t be having any together. He hasn’t moved in fully yet & they only stay at their dad’s 1 night a week (but go in the week for tea)

I think in your position OP I would find it really difficult. Like I’d been invaded. You do need to speak to him but god knows how you broach the subject!

Good luck xxx

B x

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By *auren001Woman
over a year ago

birmingham

I can only see this going one way if you attempt to cut his contact with his child in half and it has to be said, quite rightly so. The reality is if he did, his daughter is 11 and would most likely know that you are the reason for that which in turn would likely cause them a lifetime of issues within their relationship. For me, that would never be worth it but in the same token, you have a right to your own happiness and if this isnt something that makes you happy, then I think you may need to accept that this isn’t the right relationship for you.

It’s a tricky one, I hope you manage to work something out x

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By *auren001Woman
over a year ago

birmingham


"I can only see this going one way if you attempt to cut his contact with his child in half and it has to be said, quite rightly so. The reality is if he did, his daughter is 11 and would most likely know that you are the reason for that which in turn would likely cause them a lifetime of issues within their relationship. For me, that would never be worth it but in the same token, you have a right to your own happiness and if this isnt something that makes you happy, then I think you may need to accept that this isn’t the right relationship for you.

It’s a tricky one, I hope you manage to work something out x"

And I only read the beginning of the thread lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one. "

This!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I haven't had those issues.

I don't know how you work it out but don't let the child get a whiff of your resentment.

All I can suggest is that you talk to your partner. If you agreed on two night but now it's three or four the boundaries are being pushed.

I agree with this, he has put you in a situation you are not happy with, so tell him to reign it in as he has over stepped the mark!

Oh, and I don't like kids either, so I wouldn't allow that situation in my life either

To be honest, anyone getting into a relationship with me would know I have a child and, like most parents, I adore my child. The very notion that having her 3/4 days a week is somehow pushing boundaries and that an actual grown adult could consider it "unacceptable" would leave me speechless.

Life sometimes doesn't go how you want it to, get over it. Either accept his child more often or get out of the relationship.

I don't claim to "love children", but I would certainly accept a partners child/children without question and if they made my life a tad inconvenient, well, I'd deal with it. You know, like a grown-up.

I find it really odd that some people can claim to "Not like children". Anyone claiming to "not like" any other arbitary section of society would face quite strong criticism. "

I have full custody of my son so anyone coming into my life would have to accept that. I have been single 6 years tho so not sure what that says lol

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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago

North West


"

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality.

She was asking advice, it is allowed. Just as you are allowed to post on politic threads, the site isn't just about swinging."

I don’t see the connection. A child is a completely innocent third party who doesn’t even have a say in this discussion. Adults die hating politics, religion and war amongst themselves is rather different.

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child. If she was in a relationship, you would expect that the other party was on here too, if he wasn’t, what was she doing living with someone and being on here as a single person?

By any measure of rationale, talking about other people’s children on an anonymous sex website is not really good form. Can you imagine the headlines that this would make in the regular Press?... “Sexual perverts discuss inconvenience of kids.”

The future of an entirely innocent child should be discussed between people who are directly involved in that child’s life and not amongst strangers. It is not like asking for advice about holidays, gardening or dieting because the subject matter is an innocent child.

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By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton


"

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality.

She was asking advice, it is allowed. Just as you are allowed to post on politic threads, the site isn't just about swinging.

I don’t see the connection. A child is a completely innocent third party who doesn’t even have a say in this discussion. Adults die hating politics, religion and war amongst themselves is rather different.

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child. If she was in a relationship, you would expect that the other party was on here too, if he wasn’t, what was she doing living with someone and being on here as a single person?

By any measure of rationale, talking about other people’s children on an anonymous sex website is not really good form. Can you imagine the headlines that this would make in the regular Press?... “Sexual perverts discuss inconvenience of kids.”

The future of an entirely innocent child should be discussed between people who are directly involved in that child’s life and not amongst strangers. It is not like asking for advice about holidays, gardening or dieting because the subject matter is an innocent child."

If you believe that then why did you have a say? You gave your opinion just like the rest of us strangers.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs


"

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality.

She was asking advice, it is allowed. Just as you are allowed to post on politic threads, the site isn't just about swinging.

I don’t see the connection. A child is a completely innocent third party who doesn’t even have a say in this discussion. Adults die hating politics, religion and war amongst themselves is rather different.

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child. If she was in a relationship, you would expect that the other party was on here too, if he wasn’t, what was she doing living with someone and being on here as a single person?

By any measure of rationale, talking about other people’s children on an anonymous sex website is not really good form. Can you imagine the headlines that this would make in the regular Press?... “Sexual perverts discuss inconvenience of kids.”

The future of an entirely innocent child should be discussed between people who are directly involved in that child’s life and not amongst strangers. It is not like asking for advice about holidays, gardening or dieting because the subject matter is an innocent child."

Not really, it's the OP's feelings about a child being in her home more than she agreed to. Well, she's not now, I guess the father took offence.

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax


"

Whining about a Partners child on a Swingers website? FFS.

People seem to be losing their sense of reality.

She was asking advice, it is allowed. Just as you are allowed to post on politic threads, the site isn't just about swinging.

I don’t see the connection. A child is a completely innocent third party who doesn’t even have a say in this discussion. Adults die hating politics, religion and war amongst themselves is rather different.

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child. If she was in a relationship, you would expect that the other party was on here too, if he wasn’t, what was she doing living with someone and being on here as a single person?

By any measure of rationale, talking about other people’s children on an anonymous sex website is not really good form. Can you imagine the headlines that this would make in the regular Press?... “Sexual perverts discuss inconvenience of kids.”

The future of an entirely innocent child should be discussed between people who are directly involved in that child’s life and not amongst strangers. It is not like asking for advice about holidays, gardening or dieting because the subject matter is an innocent child.

If you believe that then why did you have a say? You gave your opinion just like the rest of us strangers. "

Exactly

If you don't like or agree with a post,pass it by.

I think your posts say more about you that the op ,she was genuinely asking for advice .

Miss

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

Thank you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one. "

Got to agree here you took him and his daughter on when you got together and should be supporting him , if you can’t then I would leave he and his child are a package and to make him choose between you and his daughter is pretty awful IMO .

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

When you enter into a relationship with someone who has children you enter into a relationship with their children as well. In my opinion, if you "don't like children" then you shouldn't have a relationship with someone who has a child.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"To be honest, if I had my daughter a couple of days a week and suddenly was able to have her 3/4, I would and if I was in a relationship, they could either like it or do one.

Got to agree here you took him and his daughter on when you got together and should be supporting him , if you can’t then I would leave he and his child are a package and to make him choose between you and his daughter is pretty awful IMO . "

I most certainly have not asked him to choose and would never do such a thing!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo


"

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child.

"

She didn't, she asked how to deal with her own feelings. No personal information was given other than the child stays over with her dad.

The OP's reasons of being on here have nothing to do with you to be fair.

As I say, most subjects can be discussed on the forum and this one didn't break any rules

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London


"

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child.

She didn't, she asked how to deal with her own feelings. No personal information was given other than the child stays over with her dad.

The OP's reasons of being on here have nothing to do with you to be fair.

As I say, most subjects can be discussed on the forum and this one didn't break any rules "

Agreed. It's a little paranoid to say that you can't discuss issues around children on a sex site. As long as children aren't identified of course.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

To be fair it does depend on what is being asked, there has been times when threads have had to go, but this isn't about the child anyway, it is more about the OP

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york


"

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child.

I asked for advice on my situation with my then live in partner and my feeling towards his daughter staying. I would never name names or give personal information about them out on any forum. I do think sometimes people forget what forums are for ... discussing many varied topics.

She didn't, she asked how to deal with her own feelings. No personal information was given other than the child stays over with her dad.

The OP's reasons of being on here have nothing to do with you to be fair.

As I say, most subjects can be discussed on the forum and this one didn't break any rules "

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

[Removed by poster at 07/04/18 10:40:16]

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By *iss_tressWoman
over a year ago

London


"

Adults protect themselves on here through anonymity and the OP has asked for advice from strangers on a sex site about how to deal with a third party. innocent child.

I asked for advice on my situation with my then live in partner and my feeling towards his daughter staying. I would never name names or give personal information about them out on any forum. I do think sometimes people forget what forums are for ... discussing many varied topics.

She didn't, she asked how to deal with her own feelings. No personal information was given other than the child stays over with her dad.

The OP's reasons of being on here have nothing to do with you to be fair.

As I say, most subjects can be discussed on the forum and this one didn't break any rules "

I wouldn't worry about it: unless it's kiss, suck fuck some people think everything else should go on Facebook.

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By *ild-1 OP   Woman
over a year ago

york

I guess so just very emotional at the moment

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The end

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