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the pub and the rabbit

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

A rabbit walks into a pub and asks; " Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "

The publican is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The publican, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please’ The crowd is hushed as the rabbit is given his pint and toastie, then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Buses have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The publican is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please’

The publican says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, but we are right out of those Ham and Cheese Toasties...' The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the publican clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.. The publican, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit guzzles the beer and scoffs the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the publican, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..

The barman says, 'Who are you?', to which he is answered, ‘I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.' The publican says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..' The publican said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it. The publican said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit. ‘OH NO, what from’ said the publican.

After a short pause, the rabbit said...

“I died from Mixin-Me-Toasties”

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Hope you didn't actually type all that out yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Hope you didn't actually type all that out yourself "

Erm....

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By *ost SockMan
over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

****ing Hell - I love a crap joke, but that is just a pile of rubbish.

Mixing-me-toasted - Mixamatosis.

Nah, not close enough in the way they sound.

My Monday is ruined - go away and have a think about what you’ve done.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"****ing Hell - I love a crap joke, but that is just a pile of rubbish.

Mixing-me-toasted - Mixamatosis.

Nah, not close enough in the way they sound.

My Monday is ruined - go away and have a think about what you’ve done."

Mixing-mi-toasties mixamatosis....come on that close

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

nice one OP..

oldie but goodie

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By *agermeisterMan
over a year ago

Leeds

The old ones are always the old ones

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By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Thought you were gonna say he was allergic to Gluten (stick to carrots I say)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I liked it Op. It made me chuckle

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Well it made me smile

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I liked that. It's very relevant to me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!!! Personally, I think it's bollocks!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!!! Personally, I think it's bollocks!!"

Ha, like that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I liked that. It's very relevant to me "

But you drowned yours.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Have you been to the Spooky Pancake shop?

That place gives me the crepes...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Made me giggle even tho I've heard it before

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago

Northampton

A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread!!!!!!."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a fucking bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If women are so good at multi-tasking why can't they have a headache AND have sex?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread!!!!!!."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a fucking bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

That's one ofy favourites

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

One that I picked up from here a few months ago.

What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk


"A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread!!!!!!."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a fucking bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?

That's one ofy favourites"

Lmao

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By *essiCouple
over a year ago

suffolk


"

A rabbit walks into a pub and asks; " Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "

The publican is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The publican, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please’ The crowd is hushed as the rabbit is given his pint and toastie, then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Buses have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The publican is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please’

The publican says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, but we are right out of those Ham and Cheese Toasties...' The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the publican clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.. The publican, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit guzzles the beer and scoffs the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the publican, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..

The barman says, 'Who are you?', to which he is answered, ‘I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.' The publican says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..' The publican said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it. The publican said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit. ‘OH NO, what from’ said the publican.

After a short pause, the rabbit said...

“I died from Mixin-Me-Toasties”"

Oh my sides ache...

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Made me laugh OP

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"****ing Hell - I love a crap joke, but that is just a pile of rubbish.

Mixing-me-toasted - Mixamatosis.

Nah, not close enough in the way they sound.

My Monday is ruined - go away and have a think about what you’ve done."

I’m glad I stopped reading halfway down now

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By *eanut Butter CupWoman
over a year ago

B & M Bargains


"A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, we haven't got any fucking bread!!!!!!."

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any fucking bread, ask me again and I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar you irritating bastard of a fucking bird!"

Duck says: "Got any nails?"

Barman says: "No"

Duck says: "Got any bread?"

Please tell me you’ve heard of the duck song!

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

[Removed by poster at 12/03/18 21:56:19]

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

[Removed by poster at 12/03/18 21:57:04]

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea


"

A rabbit walks into a pub and asks; " Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please ? "

The publican is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The publican, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please’ The crowd is hushed as the rabbit is given his pint and toastie, then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Buses have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The publican is making more money in one week than he did all last year

In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please’

The publican says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, but we are right out of those Ham and Cheese Toasties...' The rabbit looks aghast.

The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the publican clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.. The publican, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.' 'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit guzzles the beer and scoffs the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the publican, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar..

The barman says, 'Who are you?', to which he is answered, ‘I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.' The publican says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'The rabbit says, 'Yes I know..' The publican said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it. The publican said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

'I DIED', said the rabbit. ‘OH NO, what from’ said the publican.

After a short pause, the rabbit said...

“I died from Mixin-Me-Toasties” "

Arrrrr ok

I don't get the joke but I'm shor sumone will.

Nice story op

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