FabSwingers.com forum: Argh

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Why does everything have to be so difficult and frightening?

I've applied for a flat, something I've never done before, and am hoping they read the message I added to say do not send anything to home address.

Couldn't put any other as no one else knows I'm leaving.

Feeling very scared and lonely today.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't feel lonely..... we're all friends here and I'm sure a few nice comments will cheer you up today.

Good luck with the flat.... scary move i agree..... but eventually a good one.

Chin up

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hugs OP. Hope everything works out for you

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Don't feel lonely..... we're all friends here and I'm sure a few nice comments will cheer you up today.

Good luck with the flat.... scary move i agree..... but eventually a good one.

Chin up

Thank you.

They've emailed and phoned so think they are keen.

Just scared of partner finding out before I'm ready to leave.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is it local authority or private... in my experience private renters will be more likely to pay attention to requests like this.

If it something is sent to home address I’m assuming it will just be in your name, is your partner likely to open your mail or be overly interested in it?

Whatever happens, I wish you luck and happiness

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *olieandSlaveCouple
over a year ago

Stafford

"Don't feel lonely..... we're all friends here and I'm sure a few nice comments will cheer you up today.

Good luck with the flat.... scary move i agree..... but eventually a good one.

Chin up

Thank you.

They've emailed and phoned so think they are keen.

Just scared of partner finding out before I'm ready to leave. "

Your local Womens Aid or domestic abuse charity will provide you with an address to use for mail if needed. Also they will know charities who can help furnish x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you for the replies.

It's through a local firm that deals with a lot of abuse and homeless claims.

I'm in touch with a local domestic abuse charity as I'm in counselling with them. They've not been much help with this though as I'm not properly signed up with them yet. I'm on the waiting list.

There's plenty that have it a lot worse than me so I don't mind waiting. It's just I have no idea what I'm doing lol.

Hoping the housing people will help with housing benefit if I'm entitled

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having been through exactly that all I can say is believe in yourself. Be kind to yourself.

It takes a lot to actually go.

Good luck OP a whole new life is waiting for you x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Goid luck op, now before you sign up to the flat check that they take DSS because not every private renter does. The local council will have the forms or the jobcentre can help point you in the right direction for housing benefits. It’s a big step leaving but it’s the right one if you’re ready. Big hugs and you’re stronger than you think, you can do this x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Go up to your local housing place and get an appointment and ask what your entiltled to. They won't tell you off the cuff or hand it to you on a plate. Ask as many people as you can and get advice to see whats best for you. And stop thinking that there is people who deserve it more than you. Have a bit of self belief and think positive. Good luck with everything and hope you get the flat and get the fuck out of there x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why does everything have to be so difficult and frightening?

I've applied for a flat, something I've never done before, and am hoping they read the message I added to say do not send anything to home address.

Couldn't put any other as no one else knows I'm leaving.

Feeling very scared and lonely today. "

if they are worth anything, they will respect your need to be private.

when i was leaving it was different i ended it stayed in the house for 3 weeks but i wasnt in a domestic abuse relationship.

hope you get it all sorted and calm thoughts u will get through it

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you for the replies.

It's through a local firm that deals with a lot of abuse and homeless claims.

I'm in touch with a local domestic abuse charity as I'm in counselling with them. They've not been much help with this though as I'm not properly signed up with them yet. I'm on the waiting list.

There's plenty that have it a lot worse than me so I don't mind waiting. It's just I have no idea what I'm doing lol.

Hoping the housing people will help with housing benefit if I'm entitled

Have you told them that's why you don't want anything sent to your existing address? Can you give them a friend's address in case they absolutely *have* to send something in the mail?

Big hugs xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Had my interview for the flat yesterday.

It went OK until it came to the money part. I'm trying to do the right thing and pay bills off so he can't bitch about me and it'd possibly put me into the red zone for risk.

Bollocks.

So if I do the right thing I basically can't leave. If I don't do the right thing I'll leave him up shit creak with the bills

Got to wait and see if the housing agent calls.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I dealt with this recently. Good luck. It will all work out great and you’ll never look back.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

"Had my interview for the flat yesterday.

It went OK until it came to the money part. I'm trying to do the right thing and pay bills off so he can't bitch about me and it'd possibly put me into the red zone for risk.

Bollocks.

So if I do the right thing I basically can't leave. If I don't do the right thing I'll leave him up shit creak with the bills

Got to wait and see if the housing agent calls. "

With respect - who’s it the right thing for? Him? Has he earnt that?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Had my interview for the flat yesterday.

It went OK until it came to the money part. I'm trying to do the right thing and pay bills off so he can't bitch about me and it'd possibly put me into the red zone for risk.

Bollocks.

So if I do the right thing I basically can't leave. If I don't do the right thing I'll leave him up shit creak with the bills

Got to wait and see if the housing agent calls. "

I know how you feel as I've been here. All I can say is think about you as 8 years later I'm still paying off his shit! He's minted as well and I struggle to keep a float because of it. Don't leave yourself in my mess as it's not nice and will cause you more stress. Think about number one hun xxx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Had my interview for the flat yesterday.

It went OK until it came to the money part. I'm trying to do the right thing and pay bills off so he can't bitch about me and it'd possibly put me into the red zone for risk.

Bollocks.

So if I do the right thing I basically can't leave. If I don't do the right thing I'll leave him up shit creak with the bills

Got to wait and see if the housing agent calls.

With respect - who’s it the right thing for? Him? Has he earnt that? "

It's mostly for the accountants which we both use so in my head it makes it the right thing to pay it.

I was meant to be paying the vets too but I can't afford that and rent.

Feels like I'm trapped again but I don't really know what to do.

If I don't pay then I'll be the bad guy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *osmosgirlWoman
over a year ago

Wetherby

Many years ago I had to go through something similar and it was grim. However, it made me so much stronger and I now live by the philosophy that only you are responsible for your happiness.

As for the financial side, do what is best for you and look to resolving money worries once you are settled.

You can get through this. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Many years ago I had to go through something similar and it was grim. However, it made me so much stronger and I now live by the philosophy that only you are responsible for your happiness.

As for the financial side, do what is best for you and look to resolving money worries once you are settled.

You can get through this. Xx"

Thank you x

It's very much appreciated.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *osmosgirlWoman
over a year ago

Wetherby

"Many years ago I had to go through something similar and it was grim. However, it made me so much stronger and I now live by the philosophy that only you are responsible for your happiness.

As for the financial side, do what is best for you and look to resolving money worries once you are settled.

You can get through this. Xx

Thank you x

It's very much appreciated. "

My pleasure. You can and will get through this. Be strong and one day it will all be just a bad memory. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Had my interview for the flat yesterday.

It went OK until it came to the money part. I'm trying to do the right thing and pay bills off so he can't bitch about me and it'd possibly put me into the red zone for risk.

Bollocks.

So if I do the right thing I basically can't leave. If I don't do the right thing I'll leave him up shit creak with the bills

Got to wait and see if the housing agent calls.

With respect - who’s it the right thing for? Him? Has he earnt that?

It's mostly for the accountants which we both use so in my head it makes it the right thing to pay it.

I was meant to be paying the vets too but I can't afford that and rent.

Feels like I'm trapped again but I don't really know what to do.

If I don't pay then I'll be the bad guy. "

Talk this through with your counsellor. Get on to the helpline if that helps.

It's a big move but if you're ready to change your situation you will need to compromise on what you can do in order to make the leap. Many stay as there is never a right time financially.

Good luck, whatever happens.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Had my interview for the flat yesterday.

It went OK until it came to the money part. I'm trying to do the right thing and pay bills off so he can't bitch about me and it'd possibly put me into the red zone for risk.

Bollocks.

So if I do the right thing I basically can't leave. If I don't do the right thing I'll leave him up shit creak with the bills

Got to wait and see if the housing agent calls.

With respect - who’s it the right thing for? Him? Has he earnt that?

It's mostly for the accountants which we both use so in my head it makes it the right thing to pay it.

I was meant to be paying the vets too but I can't afford that and rent.

Feels like I'm trapped again but I don't really know what to do.

If I don't pay then I'll be the bad guy. "

From what I can see he's getting a house out of it. Do whatever it takes to get the flat and you can sort out insignificant stuff out like a vet bill at another date. Big picture hen...big picture x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Hug of support for you x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

Do whats right for yourself not him. Finances can be resolved at a later date, your priority right now is getting yourself settled on your own.

Too many stick it out because like you they feel trapped by money.

If the times right for you to go you will go regardless of whatever financial situation you are in.

Something will click insideand you will do it.

Very best of luck to you for when that day comes... be strong for yourself. Xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Massive hugs! Its a hard and scary time but you will come through it so much better!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Holy shit. I can't believe it but I've actually got a viewing!!!!!

So stunned and excited and just shocked.

The lady was lovely on the phone and very accommodating.

Tuesday afternoon. Please keep everything crossed.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Stay strong commit yourself to a better life.

Good luck x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Stay strong commit yourself to a better life.

Good luck x"

Thank you Mrs x

It's bloody scary. But it's good scary.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Holy shit. I can't believe it but I've actually got a viewing!!!!!

So stunned and excited and just shocked.

The lady was lovely on the phone and very accommodating.

Tuesday afternoon. Please keep everything crossed. "

Aww good for you doll. So chuffed for you. Really hope you get it x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I got it!

Just got to work out how to tell partner and my parents and daughter now.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got it!

Just got to work out how to tell partner and my parents and daughter now.

Do you need to tell your partner directly and is it safe to do so? If there is any risk of it not being safe, leave you can write him a note. X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got it!

Just got to work out how to tell partner and my parents and daughter now.

If your parents will be supportive tell them first and get them behind you. They also might help you financially. Its the telling someone that makes it real. Get your daughter excited about it and say when your out oh do you want to see the flat mummy has got. Do you want to see your room. Make it a positive thing. Remember you don't have to be in a rush to tell anyone. Let it sink in first. You can always phone your husband and tell him or text him if it will be a confrontation if you tell him face to face. All that aside I'm buzzing for you. It's not nice being in that position. When can you move in x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you. You lot are brilliant x

They wanted me to move in on Monday but I've put them off a few days.

It's a lovely flat.

Going to see my parents tomorrow after work. See what they say.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thank you. You lot are brilliant x

They wanted me to move in on Monday but I've put them off a few days.

It's a lovely flat.

Going to see my parents tomorrow after work. See what they say.

They will be fine doll. Don't worry about anything. Remember they don't always say what you want to hear lol will be in your best interest tho. Good luck x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got it!

Just got to work out how to tell partner and my parents and daughter now.

Is your daughter moving with you?

Good luck.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

That’s great that you got the flat. It takes strength to set that ball in motion so hats off to you, you should be proud of yourself for taking positive steps to keep yourself and your daughter safe. I’m sure your parents will be supportive, they love you and want you to be happy.

I’d agree with making it as much of a positive adventure for your daughter. Kids are resilient and she’ll ultimately want you to be happy too.

Good luck, I hope you make the move without any hitches.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Excellent news that you got that flat. Really pleased for you.

Before you tell your partner please get all your important documentation together ie bank details, passports, pension info, insurance details, birth certificate, wage slips etc etc. Maybe take all this to your parents for safe keeping.

If you have a joint bank account consider opening one of your own ASAP and getting any monies due to you ( wages/benefits etc) transfered into this.

Speak to Women's Aid or CAB or check their websites to see if there is anything else you need to do, and how to stay safe while leaving the relationship.

Good luck x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I got it!

Just got to work out how to tell partner and my parents and daughter now.

Do you want your partner to know your new address?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Excellent news that you got that flat. Really pleased for you.

If you have a joint bank account consider opening one of your own ASAP and getting any monies due to you ( wages/benefits etc) transfered into this.

Speak to Women's Aid or CAB or check their websites to see if there is anything else you need to do, and how to stay safe while leaving the relationship.

Good luck x

Very good advice. When I moved out my important documents and personal items were thrown away. All I had left was my passport that I had in my handbag.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Update for those interested.

I told my partner yesterday.

He was brilliant. Supportive helpful. Concerned that I can't afford it.

Said he'd help in any way he could and then told his mum and our daughter for me.

Daughter came back gave me a hug and said it was OK and that I needed to be happy. And that she loves me.

So a bit blown away really.

I said he was a good man. Just not good for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm so glad. Not nice to worry about things you have no control over. Now you have support TAKE IT . Don't let your pride get in the way of people helping you. Don't try and do it on your own...you've got the rest of your life to do that. When are you moving in? X

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm so glad. Not nice to worry about things you have no control over. Now you have support TAKE IT . Don't let your pride get in the way of people helping you. Don't try and do it on your own...you've got the rest of your life to do that. When are you moving in? X"

Possibly Friday.

Waiting to see about furniture. The flat comes with carpets and doors. That's it. No lightbulb. Picking up a cheap fridge freezer tonight.

Thank you so much for everyone's excellent advice and help xx

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Possibly Friday.

Waiting to see about furniture. The flat comes with carpets and doors. That's it. No lightbulb. Picking up a cheap fridge freezer tonight.

Thank you so much for everyone's excellent advice and help xx "

Go on the free section of gumtree and other free sites. Remember everything just has to work lol

Best of luck to you x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Update for those interested.

I told my partner yesterday.

He was brilliant. Supportive helpful. Concerned that I can't afford it.

Said he'd help in any way he could and then told his mum and our daughter for me.

Daughter came back gave me a hug and said it was OK and that I needed to be happy. And that she loves me.

So a bit blown away really.

I said he was a good man. Just not good for me. "

Great news.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *innie The MinxWoman
over a year ago

Under the Duvet

Freecycle are a good bet for decent free furniture too.

You do have to work out a way to transport it tho.

Oh also if you do get a sofa or anything big that you can't dismantle, make sure you can actually physically manoeuvre it into your new place ie measure it first.

Voice of experience.I've bought a sofa that I couldn't get down my hall and thro the lounge door not once but twice! Doh!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

Possibly Friday.

Waiting to see about furniture. The flat comes with carpets and doors. That's it. No lightbulb. Picking up a cheap fridge freezer tonight.

Thank you so much for everyone's excellent advice and help xx "

Wishing you the best of luck x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How you getting on chick x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread