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"I’ve just arrived home, the last leg of my journey from a wonderful evening out involved walking a fifteen-twenty minute walk from tube station to house down a long, partially lit residential street that’s very quiet. I had headphones on, not too loud, and was wrapped up unsexily including metres of scarf and warm coat. Suddenly, from behind me coming into eyeshot very suddenly at periphery of my vision is a guy, approx half a metre from my face. I jump and pull my headphones off stopping immediately, and become aware he’s not just overtaking me and given me a surprise he’s actually talking at me. He’s saying “alright how’s your evening going?” and now he’s stopped in front of me. We’re just standing there. I’m clearly surprised, I jumped and am holding headphones and I say “fine thanks, you scared me”. He doesn’t appear to be high or d*unk and he also doesn’t appear to be bothered that I used the word ‘scared’. He goes on “what you doing, how are you?”, I say “you scared me, and I was walking thanks, I’m fine and going now”. He says “but I’m here now and...”, to which I say “look, you’ve stopped me, you don’t appear to need me for directions or be in urgent need of a human’s assistance. I don’t want to chat, I’m going now, please leave me alone” and I start to walk forward and past him to the sounds of him saying “blimey, you’re rather rude”. I keep walking and fast and manage to keep aware of whether he is continuing to follow and he’s not. I get home, all fine. Chaps, and forgive me as I am saying chaps, how mindful are you late at night when walking about near (particularly) single (as in alone!) females walking home? My first meet on Fab who is one of my best friends now, won my heart forever when we discussed a similar topic on first meeting and he said “I’m a 6 foot something bloke, actually I’m a bloke fullstop, if I’m walking down a road late at night and there’s a woman on her own, I’m not only not attempting to talk to her, I am stopping and getting the hell to the other side of the road so she has absolutely no cause whatsoever as far as I’m capable of feeling intimidated by me, it’s the least I can do.” " Yup, good man, you met a real idiot!  | |||
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" Yup, good man, you met a real idiot! "I genuinely think he didn’t register that I was scared. Baffling. | |||
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"And NB that's why I always drive to central London for an evening out - door to door is the only way for me!!" Would if I could  | |||
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"Sorry, I probably wouldn't notice you tend to walk in my own thoughts when going somewhere alone. But if I did, yep no problem to change pace, side of road whatever it takes to make sure you don't talk to me and put me back in the real world. " Ha. So it’s not in consideration at all of anyone else. Okay.  | |||
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"Id probably make a fake phone call to give the impression I'm occupied and she knows exactly where i am. But then I'm only little, couldn't scare anyone!" You’d be surprised, but yes being able to hear is useful. Although scary if it’s behind you and getting closer!! | |||
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"You get oddball pick up artist types. That said it's really not the norm, most of us cross because we feel horrible and awkward. Cross the road overtake, cross back once you're a good while ahead That's essentially what youd do naturally" Nods. Thank you for doing that. | |||
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"I always keep my distance or cross the road so the person doesn’t feel intimidated or anything like that "Thank you. It’s incredibly appreciated. | |||
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"Id probably make a fake phone call to give the impression I'm occupied and she knows exactly where i am. But then I'm only little, couldn't scare anyone! You’d be surprised, but yes being able to hear is useful. Although scary if it’s behind you and getting closer!! " With the crap i come out with you're probably right 
Although given todays social climate, if it were a random unknown female she might become equally offended that we've used our 'privilege' and made the assumption she's a vulnerable woman. | |||
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"Yes I am very conscious of the fact that just being a man can freak women out. And not just at night. If I;m running particularly in the dark I hate passing pedestrians (not just woman). I'm conscious of where I sit on public transport and would never stop a woman at night unless I thought thy needed help or I did. " 
And as a woman, and a reasonably confident and savvy one, I hate that it does freak me out in certain situations, so I’m sorry - it’s not personal.
Thank you so much. It means a lot. | |||
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"I always keep my distance or cross the road so the person doesn’t feel intimidated or anything like that
Thank you. It’s incredibly appreciated. "Personally I don’t like whenever someone is walking right behind me either because I got jumped before, you can never predict what’s about to happen so it’s just better to be cautious  | |||
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"Id probably make a fake phone call to give the impression I'm occupied and she knows exactly where i am. But then I'm only little, couldn't scare anyone! You’d be surprised, but yes being able to hear is useful. Although scary if it’s behind you and getting closer!! With the crap i come out with you're probably right
Although given todays social climate, if it were a random unknown female she might become equally offended that we've used our 'privilege' and made the assumption she's a vulnerable woman. "No. I would suggest you’re misunderstanding privilege there, she would recognise you being an ally and not suggest you’re seeing her as vulnerable, in my opinion. You’re being mindful, and not making assumptions or considering only yourself. | |||
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"I always keep my distance or cross the road so the person doesn’t feel intimidated or anything like that
Thank you. It’s incredibly appreciated.
Personally I don’t like whenever someone is walking right behind me either because I got jumped before, you can never predict what’s about to happen so it’s just better to be cautious " | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry " Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! | |||
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"Late at night. Walking alone. I get scared of my own shadow. No chance id be talking to someone. Never know who they could be. Man or woman. " In Skem tho ... Don't blame you Funny women up there | |||
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"I've never had anything like that but I can only imagine how unnerving it was OP. The majority of men I know are mindful, especially in my workplace. I have my own reasons for being what some might think is overly cautious around men. I was really emotional around a male colleague a couple of weeks ago and where a female colleague might have offered a hug he keep his distance physically. " | |||
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"I don't think that gender plays as big a part for me as odd ball behaviour. If I was walking home gone midnight and a woman I didn't know spoke to me that way I'd avoid her like the plague too. " Gender plays a part for me. Definitely. | |||
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"Yes I am very conscious of the fact that just being a man can freak women out. And not just at night. If I;m running particularly in the dark I hate passing pedestrians (not just woman). I'm conscious of where I sit on public transport and would never stop a woman at night unless I thought thy needed help or I did.
And as a woman, and a reasonably confident and savvy one, I hate that it does freak me out in certain situations, so I’m sorry - it’s not personal.
Thank you so much. It means a lot. "Why should you hate that it freaks you out. That seems perfectly rational to me that as a single woman walking alone you need to be aware of the fact that not all people of either sex have benign motives. Moreso in major cities where anonymity is easier to achieve. The fact that it freaks you out is just another safety mechanism... the fight or flight instinct. Flight is always better, yet still not as useful as maintaining that awareness of your potential vulnerability. | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!!" I would never 'follow' anyone, just if I happen to be passing and see someone in that situation. You hear so many horror stories about what happens to women, I guess a protective instinct kicks in (my friends say I have that too). But I can see it from the other side too. I guess it's up to the individual to weigh up whether to accept or not but I'd never pressurise anyone. 'The offer is there...' kind of approach I guess | |||
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"Late at night. Walking alone. I get scared of my own shadow. No chance id be talking to someone. Never know who they could be. Man or woman. In Skem tho ... Don't blame you Funny women up there"Definitely. Late at night wandering the streets. Either drugged up people looking for their next fix or chavvy kids thinking they are hard  | |||
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"Late at night. Walking alone. I get scared of my own shadow. No chance id be talking to someone. Never know who they could be. Man or woman. "
Do you consciously move away from others too beyond the not talking to them? | |||
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" No. I would suggest you’re misunderstanding privilege there, she would recognise you being an ally and not suggest you’re seeing her as vulnerable, in my opinion. You’re being mindful, and not making assumptions or considering only yourself. " I understand the accepted social definition of privilege, and did say might. I try not to make those assumptions. By crossing the road to give her as much of a safety bubble as possible then i am making the assumption she's vulnerable...she might do mma and kick my ass! I'd see her as an equal and respect her personal space as i would any other human being. This'll put me in a minority here I'm sure so I'll just go get my helmet | |||
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"Yes I am very conscious of the fact that just being a man can freak women out. And not just at night. If I;m running particularly in the dark I hate passing pedestrians (not just woman). I'm conscious of where I sit on public transport and would never stop a woman at night unless I thought thy needed help or I did.
And as a woman, and a reasonably confident and savvy one, I hate that it does freak me out in certain situations, so I’m sorry - it’s not personal.
Thank you so much. It means a lot.
Why should you hate that it freaks you out. That seems perfectly rational to me that as a single woman walking alone you need to be aware of the fact that not all people of either sex have benign motives. Moreso in major cities where anonymity is easier to achieve.
The fact that it freaks you out is just another safety mechanism... the fight or flight instinct. Flight is always better, yet still not as useful as maintaining that awareness of your potential vulnerability.
"True. But I’m also conscious that many won’t have any negative intent and that being hyper-vigilant can upset chaps that feel typecast as “bad males”. | |||
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"Late at night. Walking alone. I get scared of my own shadow. No chance id be talking to someone. Never know who they could be. Man or woman.
Do you consciously move away from others too beyond the not talking to them?"If i see them in the distance i turn around and walk the other way haha | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! I would never 'follow' anyone, just if I happen to be passing and see someone in that situation. You hear so many horror stories about what happens to women, I guess a protective instinct kicks in (my friends say I have that too). But I can see it from the other side too. I guess it's up to the individual to weigh up whether to accept or not but I'd never pressurise anyone. 'The offer is there...' kind of approach I guess " Sorry to clarify, I didn’t suggest you *would* follow, I said it’d be planted in my head to be hyper-aware to check you weren’t - different meanings, just that the approach would set off alarmbells. | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! I would never 'follow' anyone, just if I happen to be passing and see someone in that situation. You hear so many horror stories about what happens to women, I guess a protective instinct kicks in (my friends say I have that too). But I can see it from the other side too. I guess it's up to the individual to weigh up whether to accept or not but I'd never pressurise anyone. 'The offer is there...' kind of approach I guess Sorry to clarify, I didn’t suggest you *would* follow, I said it’d be planted in my head to be hyper-aware to check you weren’t - different meanings, just that the approach would set off alarmbells. " That's fair enough I guess xx | |||
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" No. I would suggest you’re misunderstanding privilege there, she would recognise you being an ally and not suggest you’re seeing her as vulnerable, in my opinion. You’re being mindful, and not making assumptions or considering only yourself. I understand the accepted social definition of privilege, and did say might. I try not to make those assumptions. By crossing the road to give her as much of a safety bubble as possible then i am making the assumption she's vulnerable...she might do mma and kick my ass! I'd see her as an equal and respect her personal space as i would any other human being. This'll put me in a minority here I'm sure so I'll just go get my helmet "So for you it’s better to accommodate someone who potentially can kick your ass and will accuse you of privilege and not be accused of assuming someone is vulnerable than possibly ensuring the least amount of trauma for a female. Yeah, cool whatever works for *you*, dude. | |||
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"Late at night. Walking alone. I get scared of my own shadow. No chance id be talking to someone. Never know who they could be. Man or woman.
Do you consciously move away from others too beyond the not talking to them?
If i see them in the distance i turn around and walk the other way haha" | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! I would never 'follow' anyone, just if I happen to be passing and see someone in that situation. You hear so many horror stories about what happens to women, I guess a protective instinct kicks in (my friends say I have that too). But I can see it from the other side too. I guess it's up to the individual to weigh up whether to accept or not but I'd never pressurise anyone. 'The offer is there...' kind of approach I guess Sorry to clarify, I didn’t suggest you *would* follow, I said it’d be planted in my head to be hyper-aware to check you weren’t - different meanings, just that the approach would set off alarmbells. That's fair enough I guess xx" And seriously, I’m not suggesting your intentions are negative - it’s a lovely intention. | |||
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"I'm sometimes glad of a friendly face when I'm walking in areas I don't know well. Lately though I have become so paranoid and constantly look around me. I keep my door key wedged in between my fingers and my largish handbag ready to whack someone with. Neither would probably help, if I were attacked, but I don't feel so vulnerable. " What constitutes a friendly face? This guy had a smiling face, suddenly right up in mine! I’m sure he probably meant no harm but blooming heck!! | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! I would never 'follow' anyone, just if I happen to be passing and see someone in that situation. You hear so many horror stories about what happens to women, I guess a protective instinct kicks in (my friends say I have that too). But I can see it from the other side too. I guess it's up to the individual to weigh up whether to accept or not but I'd never pressurise anyone. 'The offer is there...' kind of approach I guess Sorry to clarify, I didn’t suggest you *would* follow, I said it’d be planted in my head to be hyper-aware to check you weren’t - different meanings, just that the approach would set off alarmbells. That's fair enough I guess xx And seriously, I’m not suggesting your intentions are negative - it’s a lovely intention. " I know you're not xx | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! I would never 'follow' anyone, just if I happen to be passing and see someone in that situation. You hear so many horror stories about what happens to women, I guess a protective instinct kicks in (my friends say I have that too). But I can see it from the other side too. I guess it's up to the individual to weigh up whether to accept or not but I'd never pressurise anyone. 'The offer is there...' kind of approach I guess Sorry to clarify, I didn’t suggest you *would* follow, I said it’d be planted in my head to be hyper-aware to check you weren’t - different meanings, just that the approach would set off alarmbells. That's fair enough I guess xx And seriously, I’m not suggesting your intentions are negative - it’s a lovely intention. I know you're not xx" | |||
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"Yes I am very conscious of the fact that just being a man can freak women out. And not just at night. If I;m running particularly in the dark I hate passing pedestrians (not just woman). I'm conscious of where I sit on public transport and would never stop a woman at night unless I thought thy needed help or I did.
And as a woman, and a reasonably confident and savvy one, I hate that it does freak me out in certain situations, so I’m sorry - it’s not personal.
Thank you so much. It means a lot.
Why should you hate that it freaks you out. That seems perfectly rational to me that as a single woman walking alone you need to be aware of the fact that not all people of either sex have benign motives. Moreso in major cities where anonymity is easier to achieve.
The fact that it freaks you out is just another safety mechanism... the fight or flight instinct. Flight is always better, yet still not as useful as maintaining that awareness of your potential vulnerability.
True. But I’m also conscious that many won’t have any negative intent and that being hyper-vigilant can upset chaps that feel typecast as “bad males”. "Those who feel typecast as "bad males" have their own attitudes to address. And any sensitivity you may have for their injured feelings comes a very distant second to protecting your own safety. There are times when self protection and awareness of your surroundings should always take precedence. That applied equally to both male and females in similar situations. | |||
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"Sounds like you had a lucky escape being frank OP. I suspect if it were some less direct, the guy probably would have followed them or would have carried on trying to make conversation longer until they were closer to their address. It is a very strange time of of the week to be out so late to be sparking up random conversations with people. " It was odd. I wonder if he was just a bit clumsy and didn’t really grasp that it was scary. | |||
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"I'm sometimes glad of a friendly face when I'm walking in areas I don't know well. Lately though I have become so paranoid and constantly look around me. I keep my door key wedged in between my fingers and my largish handbag ready to whack someone with. Neither would probably help, if I were attacked, but I don't feel so vulnerable. What constitutes a friendly face? This guy had a smiling face, suddenly right up in mine! I’m sure he probably meant no harm but blooming heck!! " I look at their eyes and look for evil in them. Honestly though, I have no idea, but I'm more wary of some than others. I used to be a day dreamer, but since we had a few attacks on women last year in my borough, I've become much more wary. | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. " 2 out of 3 | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. 2 out of 3 "In your opinion. | |||
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"Sounds like you had a lucky escape being frank OP. I suspect if it were some less direct, the guy probably would have followed them or would have carried on trying to make conversation longer until they were closer to their address. It is a very strange time of of the week to be out so late to be sparking up random conversations with people. It was odd. I wonder if he was just a bit clumsy and didn’t really grasp that it was scary. " Sounds that way to me. I'm rarely out walking alone at night nowadays but when I was young I frequently was. It was unusual if I wasn't approached by a guy or tailed down the street by a slow moving car. 
I would hate there to ever come a time where women stayed indoors because a minority of men act like dicks. | |||
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"I think you got lucky. It would not be the best idea to be walking home alone with headphones on. I'd try to be alert to danger and if that happened,straight to a house with lights on banging on the door... Please stay safe in the future x" Thank you for the well wishes. To clarify, there was barely any music on, and I could hear - I was wearing the headphones (they are ear muff type ones) for warmth. He was silent in his approach which was why I jumped. | |||
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"Yes I am very conscious of the fact that just being a man can freak women out. And not just at night. If I;m running particularly in the dark I hate passing pedestrians (not just woman). I'm conscious of where I sit on public transport and would never stop a woman at night unless I thought thy needed help or I did.
And as a woman, and a reasonably confident and savvy one, I hate that it does freak me out in certain situations, so I’m sorry - it’s not personal.
Thank you so much. It means a lot.
Why should you hate that it freaks you out. That seems perfectly rational to me that as a single woman walking alone you need to be aware of the fact that not all people of either sex have benign motives. Moreso in major cities where anonymity is easier to achieve.
The fact that it freaks you out is just another safety mechanism... the fight or flight instinct. Flight is always better, yet still not as useful as maintaining that awareness of your potential vulnerability.
True. But I’m also conscious that many won’t have any negative intent and that being hyper-vigilant can upset chaps that feel typecast as “bad males”.
Those who feel typecast as "bad males" have their own attitudes to address. And any sensitivity you may have for their injured feelings comes a very distant second to protecting your own safety. There are times when self protection and awareness of your surroundings should always take precedence. That applied equally to both male and females in similar situations." | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. " Im with OP on this 2 out of 3, you may live in a nicer area than others where crime or creepy people arent around but for some you cant take any risks | |||
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"I'm sometimes glad of a friendly face when I'm walking in areas I don't know well. Lately though I have become so paranoid and constantly look around me. I keep my door key wedged in between my fingers and my largish handbag ready to whack someone with. Neither would probably help, if I were attacked, but I don't feel so vulnerable. What constitutes a friendly face? This guy had a smiling face, suddenly right up in mine! I’m sure he probably meant no harm but blooming heck!! I look at their eyes and look for evil in them. Honestly though, I have no idea, but I'm more wary of some than others. I used to be a day dreamer, but since we had a few attacks on women last year in my borough, I've become much more wary. " | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. 2 out of 3
In your opinion.
"Yes. In my opinion.  | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. Im with OP on this 2 out of 3, you may live in a nicer area than others where crime or creepy people arent around but for some you cant take any risks" So what happens when both people have that mind set, both cross the road so they don’t cross paths and then end up crossings paths in the middle of the road because they both didn’t want to cross paths on the same side of the road | |||
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"Sounds like you had a lucky escape being frank OP. I suspect if it were some less direct, the guy probably would have followed them or would have carried on trying to make conversation longer until they were closer to their address. It is a very strange time of of the week to be out so late to be sparking up random conversations with people. It was odd. I wonder if he was just a bit clumsy and didn’t really grasp that it was scary. Sounds that way to me. I'm rarely out walking alone at night nowadays but when I was young I frequently was. It was unusual if I wasn't approached by a guy or tailed down the street by a slow moving car.
I would hate there to ever come a time where women stayed indoors because a minority of men act like dicks."Agreed | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. Im with OP on this 2 out of 3, you may live in a nicer area than others where crime or creepy people arent around but for some you cant take any risks So what happens when both people have that mind set, both cross the road so they don’t cross paths and then end up crossings paths in the middle of the road because they both didn’t want to cross paths on the same side of the road "I’m talking gender difference and testing out if men are mindful of that - so it would be one person crossing. It’s okay that you’re not mindful about it. Might be something to ponder. | |||
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" So for you it’s better to accommodate someone who potentially can kick your ass and will accuse you of privilege and not be accused of assuming someone is vulnerable than possibly ensuring the least amount of trauma for a female. Yeah, cool whatever works for *you*, dude. "That whole premise makes no sense...it would never happen because there would be zero reason. She's not vulnerable because there is no threat. At no point in my life have i considered hitting anyone outside of a sanctioned bout or self defense. If she perceives the threat then by all means cross the road. If she looked clearly agitated then yes of course I'd move, much like i would for anyone else. | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. Im with OP on this 2 out of 3, you may live in a nicer area than others where crime or creepy people arent around but for some you cant take any risks So what happens when both people have that mind set, both cross the road so they don’t cross paths and then end up crossings paths in the middle of the road because they both didn’t want to cross paths on the same side of the road
I’m talking gender difference and testing out if men are mindful of that - so it would be one person crossing. It’s okay that you’re not mindful about it. Might be something to ponder. "Please don’t try and make it sound like I’m not aware of being mindful enough to give people the space they deserve. As I said, I’d pass everyone in the same way, more often than not stepping into the road slightly to go round them. And if I was walking behind someone then I’d make sure I took even more space to go past. | |||
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" So for you it’s better to accommodate someone who potentially can kick your ass and will accuse you of privilege and not be accused of assuming someone is vulnerable than possibly ensuring the least amount of trauma for a female. Yeah, cool whatever works for *you*, dude.
That whole premise makes no sense...it would never happen because there would be zero reason. She's not vulnerable because there is no threat. At no point in my life have i considered hitting anyone outside of a sanctioned bout or self defense. If she perceives the threat then by all means cross the road. If she looked clearly agitated then yes of course I'd move, much like i would for anyone else.
"There are people out there not with your mind set. In daylight your feelings of vulnerability is decreased as it is easier to contact help but late at night your feelings of vulnerability will increase as more crimes are committed at night and this day and age in the uk and especially london crime is in a lot of areas | |||
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" So for you it’s better to accommodate someone who potentially can kick your ass and will accuse you of privilege and not be accused of assuming someone is vulnerable than possibly ensuring the least amount of trauma for a female. Yeah, cool whatever works for *you*, dude.
That whole premise makes no sense...it would never happen because there would be zero reason. She's not vulnerable because there is no threat. At no point in my life have i considered hitting anyone outside of a sanctioned bout or self defense. If she perceives the threat then by all means cross the road. If she looked clearly agitated then yes of course I'd move, much like i would for anyone else.
"I don’t think you’re following my point at all. Nevermind. | |||
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"Gender definitely plays a part in it for me. When I have to be out alone as female, in lonely places, i can get scared sh*tless if i see a guy coming towards me. On the rare occasions that I'm male and walking at night, i would try to avoid startling any women. When I'm female in the car, i do always try to help any of my trans or cis women friends get home safely. I don't stop and try to give lifts to anyone i haven't met previously, whether I'm female or male, that would be weird and creepy and disturbing to them regardless of my intentions. Polly xx" | |||
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"I don't wear headphones or talk on the phone when I'm walking. There's an alley at the top of my road a short cut to the station (10 minutes) instead of 25 the long way round. I don't use it after dark, either a cab or himself to pick me up. In fairness, I'm wary of everyone. " This day and age you have to be. No one ever knows who could be round the corner | |||
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" I don’t think you’re following my point at all. Nevermind." The point seems to have changed maybe. As to the original point. Yes i am mindful...of everyone, male and female, as should we all. | |||
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"Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t stop and try and spark up conversation in the street if walking down the road at night. Doesn’t matter who it is, man or woman. If I was walking past or overtaking I’d give them plenty of room and probably quicken my pace a little as I went past. Doesn’t mater who it is, man or woman. I wouldn’t cross the road just because we were walking on the same side. Im with OP on this 2 out of 3, you may live in a nicer area than others where crime or creepy people arent around but for some you cant take any risks So what happens when both people have that mind set, both cross the road so they don’t cross paths and then end up crossings paths in the middle of the road because they both didn’t want to cross paths on the same side of the road
I’m talking gender difference and testing out if men are mindful of that - so it would be one person crossing. It’s okay that you’re not mindful about it. Might be something to ponder.
Please don’t try and make it sound like I’m not aware of being mindful enough to give people the space they deserve.
As I said, I’d pass everyone in the same way, more often than not stepping into the road slightly to go round them.
And if I was walking behind someone then I’d make sure I took even more space to go past."Please don’t put words in my mouth. I stated you agreed two out of three. I clarified further on your discussion of number three and said it’s okay you weren’t mindful of that one (in my conversation about it, don’t extrapolate what I mean) and I still think it might be something to ponder. At no point have I said anything negative about the initial points you made and I support them wholeheartedly. Do I think point three has validity? Yes. We can agree to disagree without imagining it means more than that, surely? | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry " Sadly, in this day and age I think it would be foolish to get into a strange man's car...shudder to think some women are daft enough to. | |||
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"I don't wear headphones or talk on the phone when I'm walking. There's an alley at the top of my road a short cut to the station (10 minutes) instead of 25 the long way round. I don't use it after dark, either a cab or himself to pick me up. In fairness, I'm wary of everyone. " | |||
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" I don’t think you’re following my point at all. Nevermind. The point seems to have changed maybe. As to the original point. Yes i am mindful...of everyone, male and female, as should we all. " No, my original OP included the point about crossing roads. | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. " | |||
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"I wouldn't necessarily cross the road, but I'd up my pace and just keep on walking faster until there was a clear gap between us. Possibly get my phone out and pretend I'm in a hurry to meet someone else. I wouldn't think that would freak someone out. "Increase your pace from behind them - as if catching up? | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. " It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings | |||
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"I would usually cross the road. Not long ago, on the way back from the shop in the dark, there was a young lady sitting on the pavement. I'd crossed the road way back when I first saw her. As I drew level, I was aware that she was crying. I called across, asking her if she was ok. She told me that she had had a fight with her boyfriend and that he had driven off without her, leaving her dr unk, stranded in the dark. I could tell that she was frightened, I explained that I only lived up the road and that I was going to get my wife, I asked her to stay where she was. I returned a couple of minutes later with my wife who sat with her and chatted with her. Eventually we took her to our home and made her coffee and helped her sober up. We offered her the option of a lift home or a bed for the night. She wanted to go home but was scared incase her boyfriend was there. She told us that he could get violent and that in the past he had r@ped her. It was a very long night but we managed to persuade her that she ought to call the police who came and took a statement and then took her home. I don't know what happened after that. Not all men are bad or have a hidden agenda but, it's important to realise that in certain situations, places or times of day, just by being there, we can be intimidating, crossing the road is such a little thing to do to make someone feel comfortable." This. | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!!" Indeed! I wouldn't get into a car with someone I met on here let alone a random stranger...I've seen the movies! | |||
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"I would usually cross the road. Not long ago, on the way back from the shop in the dark, there was a young lady sitting on the pavement. I'd crossed the road way back when I first saw her. As I drew level, I was aware that she was crying. I called across, asking her if she was ok. She told me that she had had a fight with her boyfriend and that he had driven off without her, leaving her dr unk, stranded in the dark. I could tell that she was frightened, I explained that I only lived up the road and that I was going to get my wife, I asked her to stay where she was. I returned a couple of minutes later with my wife who sat with her and chatted with her. Eventually we took her to our home and made her coffee and helped her sober up. We offered her the option of a lift home or a bed for the night. She wanted to go home but was scared incase her boyfriend was there. She told us that he could get violent and that in the past he had r@ped her. It was a very long night but we managed to persuade her that she ought to call the police who came and took a statement and then took her home. I don't know what happened after that. Not all men are bad or have a hidden agenda but, it's important to realise that in certain situations, places or times of day, just by being there, we can be intimidating, crossing the road is such a little thing to do to make someone feel comfortable." Hats off to you mate its great to know theres still gents out there | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings" I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! Indeed! I wouldn't get into a car with someone I met on here let alone a random stranger...I've seen the movies! " | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. " You actually have a good point thwrw. But mostly it is the area (people in the area) | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. You actually have a good point thwrw. But mostly it is the area (people in the area)" I’m not entirely comfortable with some of the connotations being made there though. It’s a little classist and assumptive. | |||
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"I'm sometimes glad of a friendly face when I'm walking in areas I don't know well. Lately though I have become so paranoid and constantly look around me. I keep my door key wedged in between my fingers and my largish handbag ready to whack someone with. Neither would probably help, if I were attacked, but I don't feel so vulnerable. " I used to do that. The walk from the station through the council estate to the alley is a popular run. There are loads of people coming from work. My problem was they walked faster than me so by the time I got to the alley I was alone so would have my keys gripped in my pocket. | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. You actually have a good point thwrw. But mostly it is the area (people in the area) I’m not entirely comfortable with some of the connotations being made there though. It’s a little classist and assumptive. " Just the way ive been brought up. I come from a rough area and last year got attacked by 4 men outside my doorstep late at night for nothing. So i am very sceptical and to be frank judgemental of areas | |||
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"I wouldn't necessarily cross the road, but I'd up my pace and just keep on walking faster until there was a clear gap between us. Possibly get my phone out and pretend I'm in a hurry to meet someone else. I wouldn't think that would freak someone out.
Increase your pace from behind them - as if catching up?"Yeah, but let it be known that I'm there. Not just sneak up like a ninja and startle the Bejesus out of them | |||
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"He sounds disabled, the fact it didn’t register you was scared even after saying. He probably doesn’t understand personal space etc. Given the time an area. It’s understandable you was scared "Didn’t come across as having any learning difficulties or hidden impairment (whilst not qualified to diagnose, I’m very familiar with how these can manifest and present from my line of work) there’s a chance you’re right but, he seemed to simply be genuinely thinking a nice chat was on the cards and hitting on me (or whatever it was) was okay and why would that possibly be an issue (a little like the shock of some approaches on Fab as to why someone might say no thanks!) and it just made think do some people just not consider how their actions might come across etc. | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. You actually have a good point thwrw. But mostly it is the area (people in the area) I’m not entirely comfortable with some of the connotations being made there though. It’s a little classist and assumptive. Just the way ive been brought up. I come from a rough area and last year got attacked by 4 men outside my doorstep late at night for nothing. So i am very sceptical and to be frank judgemental of areas" That sounds an awful thing to have had happen, I’m sorry to hear that. There’s a rough area (or described as such) where I used to do some outreach work, some of the most respectful and decent people I’ve ever met lived there. | |||
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"I wouldn't necessarily cross the road, but I'd up my pace and just keep on walking faster until there was a clear gap between us. Possibly get my phone out and pretend I'm in a hurry to meet someone else. I wouldn't think that would freak someone out.
Increase your pace from behind them - as if catching up?
Yeah, but let it be known that I'm there. Not just sneak up like a ninja and startle the Bejesus out of them "Loudly gain ground on them from behind? | |||
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"I would usually cross the road. Not long ago, on the way back from the shop in the dark, there was a young lady sitting on the pavement. I'd crossed the road way back when I first saw her. As I drew level, I was aware that she was crying. I called across, asking her if she was ok. She told me that she had had a fight with her boyfriend and that he had driven off without her, leaving her dr unk, stranded in the dark. I could tell that she was frightened, I explained that I only lived up the road and that I was going to get my wife, I asked her to stay where she was. I returned a couple of minutes later with my wife who sat with her and chatted with her. Eventually we took her to our home and made her coffee and helped her sober up. We offered her the option of a lift home or a bed for the night. She wanted to go home but was scared incase her boyfriend was there. She told us that he could get violent and that in the past he had r@ped her. It was a very long night but we managed to persuade her that she ought to call the police who came and took a statement and then took her home. I don't know what happened after that. Not all men are bad or have a hidden agenda but, it's important to realise that in certain situations, places or times of day, just by being there, we can be intimidating, crossing the road is such a little thing to do to make someone feel comfortable." The fact you were on the other side of the road and got your wife, aware of any distress you may inadvertently caused speaks volumes! | |||
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"Yes of course I think that’s a given it’s a stigma that surrounds us males and we know it so there is no need to add to it. However I do have a lady who lives up my road who I see frequently during the day and night and I always make an effort to greet her which is not reciprocated, she knows I live a couple doors down, however always dramatically stops and stares at me when we are both walking up our road as if she is threatened when I’m doing nothing but rushing to my house. " I’m not sure I follow, are you saying I’m increasing stigma and that I shouldn’t “add to it”? And I wonder if she’s scared of you... | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. You actually have a good point thwrw. But mostly it is the area (people in the area) I’m not entirely comfortable with some of the connotations being made there though. It’s a little classist and assumptive. Just the way ive been brought up. I come from a rough area and last year got attacked by 4 men outside my doorstep late at night for nothing. So i am very sceptical and to be frank judgemental of areas That sounds an awful thing to have had happen, I’m sorry to hear that. There’s a rough area (or described as such) where I used to do some outreach work, some of the most respectful and decent people I’ve ever met lived there. " The way i see it though even though im contradicting myself here is its not where you were raised its how you were raised | |||
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"There’s a time and a place for everything and12 midnight is not the time for a cheeky chinwag on the pavement. There’s leaping at at an opportunity to talk to a lovely woman and blatant lack of common sense unfortunately most people these days fall into the latter category " I’m far from lovely, but I take your point | |||
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"Yes of course I think that’s a given it’s a stigma that surrounds us males and we know it so there is no need to add to it. However I do have a lady who lives up my road who I see frequently during the day and night and I always make an effort to greet her which is not reciprocated, she knows I live a couple doors down, however always dramatically stops and stares at me when we are both walking up our road as if she is threatened when I’m doing nothing but rushing to my house. I’m not sure I follow, are you saying I’m increasing stigma and that I shouldn’t “add to it”? And I wonder if she’s scared of you..." I think males who do what the guy did to you increase the the stigma attached to the idea of the man walking down the road at the same time as a lady. I’m A bit scared of her tbh the way she whips around... one day she’s gunna need a cup of sugar and she’ll come knocking  | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. You actually have a good point thwrw. But mostly it is the area (people in the area) I’m not entirely comfortable with some of the connotations being made there though. It’s a little classist and assumptive. Just the way ive been brought up. I come from a rough area and last year got attacked by 4 men outside my doorstep late at night for nothing. So i am very sceptical and to be frank judgemental of areas That sounds an awful thing to have had happen, I’m sorry to hear that. There’s a rough area (or described as such) where I used to do some outreach work, some of the most respectful and decent people I’ve ever met lived there. The way i see it though even though im contradicting myself here is its not where you were raised its how you were raised" It’s how you are. You can have been raised awfully and choose to behave with integrity and respect. It’s individual people, not their location or who brought them up and how. I understand your point though. | |||
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"Yes of course I think that’s a given it’s a stigma that surrounds us males and we know it so there is no need to add to it. However I do have a lady who lives up my road who I see frequently during the day and night and I always make an effort to greet her which is not reciprocated, she knows I live a couple doors down, however always dramatically stops and stares at me when we are both walking up our road as if she is threatened when I’m doing nothing but rushing to my house. I’m not sure I follow, are you saying I’m increasing stigma and that I shouldn’t “add to it”? And I wonder if she’s scared of you... I think males who do what the guy did to you increase the the stigma attached to the idea of the man walking down the road at the same time as a lady. I’m A bit scared of her tbh the way she whips around... one day she’s gunna need a cup of sugar and she’ll come knocking "Ahhh gotcha he added to the stigma! I thought you meant I was. Understood. | |||
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"I wouldn't necessarily cross the road, but I'd up my pace and just keep on walking faster until there was a clear gap between us. Possibly get my phone out and pretend I'm in a hurry to meet someone else. I wouldn't think that would freak someone out.
Increase your pace from behind them - as if catching up?
Yeah, but let it be known that I'm there. Not just sneak up like a ninja and startle the Bejesus out of them
Loudly gain ground on them from behind?"As much as I'm good at tap dancing, it ain't gonna work when I've got ma trainers on
Yeah, just pretend to be speaking to someone on the phone. Obviously if the said passee (if that's a word) has headphones in, then they're not gonna even notice me until I've passed them anyway | |||
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"Their actually arnt many people that can sympathise or understand other people’s emotions. Which I thought was odd as I’ve always found people to be fairly understanding. An thought if that was true wouldn’t the world be horrible. Read it on some study. Makes me wonder how many people was involved on such a study. " I’m not sure that’s really the case, but without knowing what study, quite what it was looking at and how, it’s hard to comment. Is understanding what exactly is happening for another individual at any one time hard, yes. Even when people communicate clearly things can be understood differently as we all operate from our own perception and experiences of the world. Do many people try and grasp it from others’ perspectives and be mindful of causing the least harm to each other - yes. Can we all do it and work hard at learning others’ perspectives more, damn straight we could. | |||
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"I wouldn't necessarily cross the road, but I'd up my pace and just keep on walking faster until there was a clear gap between us. Possibly get my phone out and pretend I'm in a hurry to meet someone else. I wouldn't think that would freak someone out.
Increase your pace from behind them - as if catching up?
Yeah, but let it be known that I'm there. Not just sneak up like a ninja and startle the Bejesus out of them
Loudly gain ground on them from behind?
As much as I'm good at tap dancing, it ain't gonna work when I've got ma trainers on
Yeah, just pretend to be speaking to someone on the phone. Obviously if the said passee (if that's a word) has headphones in, then they're not gonna even notice me until I've passed them anyway "Not a full score from me, Ace. But a good attempt. | |||
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" No, my original OP included the point about crossing roads. " First I'll preface this by saying i do get the original point. I was raised in a family where you dont hit women, respect your elders and work hard to provide for your family. The question I'd ask is why does sex matter? Shouldnt we treat everyone the same based on the situation? OP I'm not trying to be contentious just offering a different view to consider. | |||
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"Haiving thought about a couple of scenarios Walking behind someone...I walk pretty fast anyway, so yeah I’d probably cross over, I can imagine it would be easy to think I’m trying to catch them up But both walking towards each other, I’d go past leaving plenty of space, step out onto the road if it’s a normal sized footpath since they aren’t particularly wide. It all depemds on the area your in though. If your in a rough area or area your not familiar with then your going to do things differently than areas you know or areas that are safe. For example. If your from Bath your not going to bother who walks past you as its a safe area. But if your from croxteth then your going to walk very wary of your surroundings I disagree actually, it depends on the people involved not the area. You could be in a safe area but the person down the road has suffered trauma at some point and could be vulnerable, you don’t know what could be terrifying for someone regardless of the location. You actually have a good point thwrw. But mostly it is the area (people in the area) I’m not entirely comfortable with some of the connotations being made there though. It’s a little classist and assumptive. Just the way ive been brought up. I come from a rough area and last year got attacked by 4 men outside my doorstep late at night for nothing. So i am very sceptical and to be frank judgemental of areas That sounds an awful thing to have had happen, I’m sorry to hear that. There’s a rough area (or described as such) where I used to do some outreach work, some of the most respectful and decent people I’ve ever met lived there. " Places like Bath may have an overall perception of being very upmarket and pleasant but it will still have rough areas and muggings and assault still take place in towns with a reputation for being a bit chi. These things don't always happen in the rough areas. There are nutter's in all social classes. 99.9% of people are ok but because of the .1% it pays to be careful or considerate of others fear. | |||
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" No, my original OP included the point about crossing roads. First I'll preface this by saying i do get the original point. I was raised in a family where you dont hit women, respect your elders and work hard to provide for your family. The question I'd ask is why does sex matter? Shouldnt we treat everyone the same based on the situation? OP I'm not trying to be contentious just offering a different view to consider. " Yes. I’m discussing gender difference. | |||
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"I wouldn't necessarily cross the road, but I'd up my pace and just keep on walking faster until there was a clear gap between us. Possibly get my phone out and pretend I'm in a hurry to meet someone else. I wouldn't think that would freak someone out.
Increase your pace from behind them - as if catching up?
Yeah, but let it be known that I'm there. Not just sneak up like a ninja and startle the Bejesus out of them
Loudly gain ground on them from behind?
As much as I'm good at tap dancing, it ain't gonna work when I've got ma trainers on
Yeah, just pretend to be speaking to someone on the phone. Obviously if the said passee (if that's a word) has headphones in, then they're not gonna even notice me until I've passed them anyway
Not a full score from me, Ace. But a good attempt. "The next lady I walk past, I'm gonna ask her if we can do the Paso Doble | |||
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" Yes. I’m discussing gender difference. " The context being Should a man cross the street to alleviate any potential stress to a woman? What if she's wearing a hoodie and he can't tell if she's male or female? Is she any less a woman; should he carry on walking or cross the road regardless? Or should he assess the situation the best he can and act in a decent manner regardless of gender? | |||
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" Yes. I’m discussing gender difference. The context being Should a man cross the street to alleviate any potential stress to a woman? What if she's wearing a hoodie and he can't tell if she's male or female? Is she any less a woman; should he carry on walking or cross the road regardless? Or should he assess the situation the best he can and act in a decent manner regardless of gender? " I’m sorry to see you’re finding it so complex and in need of breakdown for you. Thank you for listening... | |||
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"If you are out at night or somewhere you don't feel comfortable... don't wear headphones, don't have your hood up and your head down. Wear a hat so your vision isn't obstructed, walk upright and try to look confident. You are already a less appealing target!" Agreed. But my thread wasn’t about this specifically (not invalidating your point) I just wanted to be focused on whether chaps are mindful and how / to what extent and actually of those engaging listen or consider hearing a perspective that perhaps doesn’t fit with their current practice and will argue the difficulty or hear it and consider/ponder/be open to it. | |||
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" I’m sorry to see you’re finding it so complex and in need of breakdown for you. Thank you for listening... "There's nothing complex with the issue. Treat everyone with respect regardless. Would you have felt as threatened if a woman had behaved in the same way as the man toward you? It seems you want validation for your original point and only that. For what its worth it was a shitty experience and its a very thankful thing you were ok. nobody deserves to feel unsafe if at all possible. | |||
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" Yes. I’m discussing gender difference. The context being Should a man cross the street to alleviate any potential stress to a woman? What if she's wearing a hoodie and he can't tell if she's male or female? Is she any less a woman; should he carry on walking or cross the road regardless? Or should he assess the situation the best he can and act in a decent manner regardless of gender? " It works both ways.
Person wearing headphones late at night isn't fully aware of what is going on around them. Man catches up and says hello with a smile as he's conscious of the fact he may have startled them. Doesn't acknowledge the person being scared in case this scares them more.
Or man crosses road to avoid woman. Woman thinks he's crossed the road to get a better look at her as she's wearing a hoodie and couldn't see her clearly from behind. | |||
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" I’m sorry to see you’re finding it so complex and in need of breakdown for you. Thank you for listening...
There's nothing complex with the issue. Treat everyone with respect regardless.
Would you have felt as threatened if a woman had behaved in the same way as the man toward you?
It seems you want validation for your original point and only that.
For what its worth it was a shitty experience and its a very thankful thing you were ok. nobody deserves to feel unsafe if at all possible. "No. I would not have felt the same from a woman, that’s my point. That’s the point you’re not hearing - I understand the points you’re making but I’m just asking you to hear me when I’m saying I am specifically talking about a gender difference. Thank you for your well wishes, and I know you’re not agreeing with my point and I’m not only seeking validation for it, it is my experience I don’t need to have it validated - it *is* valid. | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards!" I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture... | |||
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" Yes. I’m discussing gender difference. The context being Should a man cross the street to alleviate any potential stress to a woman? What if she's wearing a hoodie and he can't tell if she's male or female? Is she any less a woman; should he carry on walking or cross the road regardless? Or should he assess the situation the best he can and act in a decent manner regardless of gender? It works both ways.
Person wearing headphones late at night isn't fully aware of what is going on around them. Man catches up and says hello with a smile as he's conscious of the fact he may have startled them. Doesn't acknowledge the person being scared in case this scares them more.
Or man crosses road to avoid woman. Woman thinks he's crossed the road to get a better look at her as she's wearing a hoodie and couldn't see her clearly from behind. "I disagree. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. | |||
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"I’ve just arrived home, the last leg of my journey from a wonderful evening out involved walking a fifteen-twenty minute walk from tube station to house down a long, partially lit residential street that’s very quiet. I had headphones on, not too loud, and was wrapped up unsexily including metres of scarf and warm coat. Suddenly, from behind me coming into eyeshot very suddenly at periphery of my vision is a guy, approx half a metre from my face. I jump and pull my headphones off stopping immediately, and become aware he’s not just overtaking me and given me a surprise he’s actually talking at me. He’s saying “alright how’s your evening going?” and now he’s stopped in front of me. We’re just standing there. I’m clearly surprised, I jumped and am holding headphones and I say “fine thanks, you scared me”. He doesn’t appear to be high or d*unk and he also doesn’t appear to be bothered that I used the word ‘scared’. He goes on “what you doing, how are you?”, I say “you scared me, and I was walking thanks, I’m fine and going now”. He says “but I’m here now and...”, to which I say “look, you’ve stopped me, you don’t appear to need me for directions or be in urgent need of a human’s assistance. I don’t want to chat, I’m going now, please leave me alone” and I start to walk forward and past him to the sounds of him saying “blimey, you’re rather rude”. I keep walking and fast and manage to keep aware of whether he is continuing to follow and he’s not. I get home, all fine. Chaps, and forgive me as I am saying chaps, how mindful are you late at night when walking about near (particularly) single (as in alone!) females walking home? My first meet on Fab who is one of my best friends now, won my heart forever when we discussed a similar topic on first meeting and he said “I’m a 6 foot something bloke, actually I’m a bloke fullstop, if I’m walking down a road late at night and there’s a woman on her own, I’m not only not attempting to talk to her, I am stopping and getting the hell to the other side of the road so she has absolutely no cause whatsoever as far as I’m capable of feeling intimidated by me, it’s the least I can do.” " That's exactly the same thing my husband said to win my heart! It's nice to know there's a few more mindful guys around. | |||
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" Yes. I’m discussing gender difference. The context being Should a man cross the street to alleviate any potential stress to a woman? What if she's wearing a hoodie and he can't tell if she's male or female? Is she any less a woman; should he carry on walking or cross the road regardless? Or should he assess the situation the best he can and act in a decent manner regardless of gender? It works both ways.
Person wearing headphones late at night isn't fully aware of what is going on around them. Man catches up and says hello with a smile as he's conscious of the fact he may have startled them. Doesn't acknowledge the person being scared in case this scares them more.
Or man crosses road to avoid woman. Woman thinks he's crossed the road to get a better look at her as she's wearing a hoodie and couldn't see her clearly from behind.
I disagree. But everyone is entitled to their opinion. "I'm like your first fab meet I cross over. Or walk slow to put distance. | |||
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"I’ve just arrived home, the last leg of my journey from a wonderful evening out involved walking a fifteen-twenty minute walk from tube station to house down a long, partially lit residential street that’s very quiet. I had headphones on, not too loud, and was wrapped up unsexily including metres of scarf and warm coat. Suddenly, from behind me coming into eyeshot very suddenly at periphery of my vision is a guy, approx half a metre from my face. I jump and pull my headphones off stopping immediately, and become aware he’s not just overtaking me and given me a surprise he’s actually talking at me. He’s saying “alright how’s your evening going?” and now he’s stopped in front of me. We’re just standing there. I’m clearly surprised, I jumped and am holding headphones and I say “fine thanks, you scared me”. He doesn’t appear to be high or d*unk and he also doesn’t appear to be bothered that I used the word ‘scared’. He goes on “what you doing, how are you?”, I say “you scared me, and I was walking thanks, I’m fine and going now”. He says “but I’m here now and...”, to which I say “look, you’ve stopped me, you don’t appear to need me for directions or be in urgent need of a human’s assistance. I don’t want to chat, I’m going now, please leave me alone” and I start to walk forward and past him to the sounds of him saying “blimey, you’re rather rude”. I keep walking and fast and manage to keep aware of whether he is continuing to follow and he’s not. I get home, all fine. Chaps, and forgive me as I am saying chaps, how mindful are you late at night when walking about near (particularly) single (as in alone!) females walking home? My first meet on Fab who is one of my best friends now, won my heart forever when we discussed a similar topic on first meeting and he said “I’m a 6 foot something bloke, actually I’m a bloke fullstop, if I’m walking down a road late at night and there’s a woman on her own, I’m not only not attempting to talk to her, I am stopping and getting the hell to the other side of the road so she has absolutely no cause whatsoever as far as I’m capable of feeling intimidated by me, it’s the least I can do.” That's exactly the same thing my husband said to win my heart! It's nice to know there's a few more mindful guys around."
Agreed. I’m aware that within this thread I’m speaking from a female re males. It’s the experience I can talk from. I’m not negating the fact that there are bad women who could also be threatening, or indeed the fact there are male victims etc - I’m specifically discussing whether men are mindful, and how, of alone females at night. | |||
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"Yes I’m mindful. How I act depends on the situation. I am extremely vigilant walking home at night for my own safety as well as being aware of how others feel, male and female alike." | |||
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" Yes. I’m discussing gender difference. The context being Should a man cross the street to alleviate any potential stress to a woman? What if she's wearing a hoodie and he can't tell if she's male or female? Is she any less a woman; should he carry on walking or cross the road regardless? Or should he assess the situation the best he can and act in a decent manner regardless of gender? It works both ways.
Person wearing headphones late at night isn't fully aware of what is going on around them. Man catches up and says hello with a smile as he's conscious of the fact he may have startled them. Doesn't acknowledge the person being scared in case this scares them more.
Or man crosses road to avoid woman. Woman thinks he's crossed the road to get a better look at her as she's wearing a hoodie and couldn't see her clearly from behind.
I disagree. But everyone is entitled to their opinion.
I'm like your first fab meet I cross over. Or walk slow to put distance. " | |||
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"I don't think that gender plays as big a part for me as odd ball behaviour. If I was walking home gone midnight and a woman I didn't know spoke to me that way I'd avoid her like the plague too. " | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards! I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture..." It should be irrelevant but unfortunately we don’t and will not live in a perfect world. You are responsible for your personal safety and perhaps next time should leave the headphones out your ears. This isn’t victim shaming this is simple safety advice in the world we live in. I don’t wear headphones for this reason. Seeing headphones in your ears make people think you have something worth stealing unfortunately. If I am in the position where I am following somebody Home I will walk normal and if I catch up with them will cross the road to pass. | |||
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"Is it bad that crossing over or changing my walking pace would not even cross my mind in this situation? On the other hand i wouldnt dream of randomly starting up a conversation either" It’s not bad, per se - no. I’m not suggesting all men are bad. I’m just asking, suggesting and making more aware for chaps to be mindful of this and help be an ally in support. Certainly not all men are responsible for the minority ill-intent of a few, but all men can mitigate the fear that pervades for women (not all women may feel it, I warrant) that exists when they don’t know if you’re one of the good or bad guys - and given you equally wouldn’t know if they were one of the women that could be traumatised or scared in this situation, is it so bad to gently suggest that people are gentle and mindful enough to think a little more about it? (Not suggesting you individually wouldn’t, and thank you for your honesty, maybe it’s something you might be more alert to in future - have a good day) | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards! I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture... It should be irrelevant but unfortunately we don’t and will not live in a perfect world. You are responsible for your personal safety and perhaps next time should leave the headphones out your ears. This isn’t victim shaming this is simple safety advice in the world we live in. I don’t wear headphones for this reason. Seeing headphones in your ears make people think you have something worth stealing unfortunately. If I am in the position where I am following somebody Home I will walk normal and if I catch up with them will cross the road to pass. " I do hear your point. And again to clarify - not in my ears, they are not very conspicuous ear muffled ones, and I could hear. I would be very surprised if he could see them given my hair and the scarf wrapped right up. But, I take your point that if he could it might have been an incentive for stealing - to be honest if you’d seen the scenario I think you’d see I’m confused conscious and was being mindful of personal safety and wouldn’t actually think that was a major mitigation of his behaviour. And I do think it strays towards the point I posited for discussion...strays... | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards! I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture... It should be irrelevant but unfortunately we don’t and will not live in a perfect world. You are responsible for your personal safety and perhaps next time should leave the headphones out your ears. This isn’t victim shaming this is simple safety advice in the world we live in. I don’t wear headphones for this reason. Seeing headphones in your ears make people think you have something worth stealing unfortunately. If I am in the position where I am following somebody Home I will walk normal and if I catch up with them will cross the road to pass. I do hear your point. And again to clarify - not in my ears, they are not very conspicuous ear muffled ones, and I could hear. I would be very surprised if he could see them given my hair and the scarf wrapped right up. But, I take your point that if he could it might have been an incentive for stealing - to be honest if you’d seen the scenario I think you’d see I’m confused conscious and was being mindful of personal safety and wouldn’t actually think that was a major mitigation of his behaviour. And I do think it strays towards the point I posited for discussion...strays..." Sorry didnt realise you wanted to steer the narrative. | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards! I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture... It should be irrelevant but unfortunately we don’t and will not live in a perfect world. You are responsible for your personal safety and perhaps next time should leave the headphones out your ears. This isn’t victim shaming this is simple safety advice in the world we live in. I don’t wear headphones for this reason. Seeing headphones in your ears make people think you have something worth stealing unfortunately. If I am in the position where I am following somebody Home I will walk normal and if I catch up with them will cross the road to pass. I do hear your point. And again to clarify - not in my ears, they are not very conspicuous ear muffled ones, and I could hear. I would be very surprised if he could see them given my hair and the scarf wrapped right up. But, I take your point that if he could it might have been an incentive for stealing - to be honest if you’d seen the scenario I think you’d see I’m confused conscious and was being mindful of personal safety and wouldn’t actually think that was a major mitigation of his behaviour. And I do think it strays towards the point I posited for discussion...strays..." Damn typos! *ear-muffed / safety conscious (not confused!) | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards! I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture... It should be irrelevant but unfortunately we don’t and will not live in a perfect world. You are responsible for your personal safety and perhaps next time should leave the headphones out your ears. This isn’t victim shaming this is simple safety advice in the world we live in. I don’t wear headphones for this reason. Seeing headphones in your ears make people think you have something worth stealing unfortunately. If I am in the position where I am following somebody Home I will walk normal and if I catch up with them will cross the road to pass. I do hear your point. And again to clarify - not in my ears, they are not very conspicuous ear muffled ones, and I could hear. I would be very surprised if he could see them given my hair and the scarf wrapped right up. But, I take your point that if he could it might have been an incentive for stealing - to be honest if you’d seen the scenario I think you’d see I’m confused conscious and was being mindful of personal safety and wouldn’t actually think that was a major mitigation of his behaviour. And I do think it strays towards the point I posited for discussion...strays... Sorry didnt realise you wanted to steer the narrative. " Why is my answering steering? I hear your points, I disagree and provided clarification, is that not allowed. I’m sorry I didn’t know I was only allowed one post. | |||
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"I always if possible cross over, i walk extremely fast(i don't mean to i just end up in 5th gear) and always have headphones on but i still try to be mindful of women especially at night. It's probably chauvinistic of me and i probably shouldn't do it in today's day and age but i can genuinely say i give not one hoot. If for every lone female i have made feel even a little bit safer by being mindful i annoy a couple well I'm fine with that." | |||
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"Yes I am very conscious of the fact that just being a man can freak women out. And not just at night. If I;m running particularly in the dark I hate passing pedestrians (not just woman). I'm conscious of where I sit on public transport and would never stop a woman at night unless I thought thy needed help or I did. " This was me yesterday....became aware that this guy who suddenly appeared behind me was mirroring my steps. I stopped, walked back and he carried on....obviously it was nothing and no he wouldn’t have been aware that he gave me a panic moment. I’m not jumpy and am very aware of my surroundings whilst out but every now & then it can happen. | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!!" I think that sort of behaviour is vety very creepy. Amazed he can't see that. In fact if he did it yo me I'd take his number and report it to the police. | |||
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"Yes I am very conscious of the fact that just being a man can freak women out. And not just at night. If I;m running particularly in the dark I hate passing pedestrians (not just woman). I'm conscious of where I sit on public transport and would never stop a woman at night unless I thought thy needed help or I did. This was me yesterday....became aware that this guy who suddenly appeared behind me was mirroring my steps. I stopped, walked back and he carried on....obviously it was nothing and no he wouldn’t have been aware that he gave me a panic moment. I’m not jumpy and am very aware of my surroundings whilst out but every now & then it can happen." Glad all was harmless, and yes it can be disconcerting at best. | |||
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"I often cross the road so not to be a threat, however I'm often mindful of other men around who could be a threat and have at times intervened when a woman has been hassled. I've even been asked to walk a girl home (I obviously have a non threatening look about me)" | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards! I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture..." ...and meanwhile in the real world...it's not victim shaming, I don't wear headphones, talk on the phone whilst walking because I need to be aware of what's going on around me. I'm responsible for my own safety. | |||
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"If I'm driving, it's raining and I see a girl walking alone, then I will usually offer her a lift. Understandably most will decline but one accepted my offer a few weeks ago and was really grateful when she got to her front door still relatively dry Umm. You might mean that with good intent, personally I find that creepy and just the approach would be scary in that context. I’m glad it worked out for the one woman who accepted, I think she was crazy to accept and thank goodness you were full of integrity that it was only to help. I wonder how those that declined found the experience. I appreciate though an ask from a car is more detached in distance though that it’s slightly less intimidating than someone standing right up next to you. But, yeah I’d decline and be a little nervous if you were following! Give me the rain anyday!! I think that sort of behaviour is vety very creepy. Amazed he can't see that. In fact if he did it yo me I'd take his number and report it to the police. " In his defence we don’t know quite how the conversation goes, and phrasing etc but yes, I do feel (in my opinion) I’d find the unsolicited approach to get in a guy’s car, whether there’s rain or not, if I’m alone..quite frankly terrifying! | |||
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"It would be interesting to know if this would change any mens behavior who perhaps never even considered they could be perceived as a threat? Actually an important topic for discussion is this one go blanche;)" Yes, it was my point just to raise awareness of being mindful that people can experience the same situation very differently and without accusing anyone of being a potential perpetrator, to simply confirm that another’s experience is valid. It wasn’t to discuss personal safety awareness (without negating its value) nor to talk about women that could be scary in the same situation (again not negating their existence) nor male victims. But raise awareness on one specific thing. | |||
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"It would be interesting to know if this would change any mens behavior who perhaps never even considered they could be perceived as a threat? Actually an important topic for discussion is this one go blanche;) Yes, it was my point just to raise awareness of being mindful that people can experience the same situation very differently and without accusing anyone of being a potential perpetrator, to simply confirm that another’s experience is valid. It wasn’t to discuss personal safety awareness (without negating its value) nor to talk about women that could be scary in the same situation (again not negating their existence) nor male victims. But raise awareness on one specific thing. " I shall be your escort on an evening from now on. | |||
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"From my perspective, I view it that these days, there are so many "unknowns" across all levels of society, that you wonder who's the Bad person and who is the Good one? Sometimes, it's being in the wrong place at the wrong time but these episodes are rare. No disrespect is meant here but maybe just wearing headphones at night might not be the best advice. Each time outside, one almost has to have some sense of extra-spatial awareness, knowing who is around you etc. This is particularly true at night or in a strange area. But look at the number of people in daytimes utterly immersed on their phones walking round, but without any idea of what or who is nearby! At night, I check where I'm going. Phones & other valuables are tucked away in zipped pockets but I won't have a normal full wallet, just the cash I reckon I will need plus a Debit or Credit card. My keys have no ID references attached. I try to stay safe. As for passerby females, I keep a wide berth if walking towards me and avoid eye contact. If they're walking in my direction, again I keep that wide as possible gap but would quietly quicken my pace once past the lady. Of course, if any female was in trouble, say an attack, I'd wade in to help. I'd probably bugger up my arthritic knees in the process but it would be worthwhile to help a damsel in distress! Act first and think afterwards! I refer you to my additional clarification about the headphones. I also gently and for the purpose of discussion posit the point that whether I had headphones on or not, actually should be irrelevant - and smacks a little of the “she shouldn’t have been wearing a short skirt” stance in r*pe culture... ...and meanwhile in the real world...it's not victim shaming, I don't wear headphones, talk on the phone whilst walking because I need to be aware of what's going on around me. I'm responsible for my own safety. " Thank you for your opinion, for your real world. It’s okay to disagree | |||
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"It would be interesting to know if this would change any mens behavior who perhaps never even considered they could be perceived as a threat? Actually an important topic for discussion is this one go blanche;) Yes, it was my point just to raise awareness of being mindful that people can experience the same situation very differently and without accusing anyone of being a potential perpetrator, to simply confirm that another’s experience is valid. It wasn’t to discuss personal safety awareness (without negating its value) nor to talk about women that could be scary in the same situation (again not negating their existence) nor male victims. But raise awareness on one specific thing. I shall be your escort on an evening from now on. " I respectfully decline, I’m not seeking an escort. | |||
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"It would be interesting to know if this would change any mens behavior who perhaps never even considered they could be perceived as a threat? Actually an important topic for discussion is this one go blanche;) Yes, it was my point just to raise awareness of being mindful that people can experience the same situation very differently and without accusing anyone of being a potential perpetrator, to simply confirm that another’s experience is valid. It wasn’t to discuss personal safety awareness (without negating its value) nor to talk about women that could be scary in the same situation (again not negating their existence) nor male victims. But raise awareness on one specific thing. " Exactly
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"I’ve just arrived home, the last leg of my journey from a wonderful evening out involved walking a fifteen-twenty minute walk from tube station to house down a long, partially lit residential street that’s very quiet. I had headphones on, not too loud, and was wrapped up unsexily including metres of scarf and warm coat. Suddenly, from behind me coming into eyeshot very suddenly at periphery of my vision is a guy, approx half a metre from my face. I jump and pull my headphones off stopping immediately, and become aware he’s not just overtaking me and given me a surprise he’s actually talking at me. He’s saying “alright how’s your evening going?” and now he’s stopped in front of me. We’re just standing there. I’m clearly surprised, I jumped and am holding headphones and I say “fine thanks, you scared me”. He doesn’t appear to be high or d*unk and he also doesn’t appear to be bothered that I used the word ‘scared’. He goes on “what you doing, how are you?”, I say “you scared me, and I was walking thanks, I’m fine and going now”. He says “but I’m here now and...”, to which I say “look, you’ve stopped me, you don’t appear to need me for directions or be in urgent need of a human’s assistance. I don’t want to chat, I’m going now, please leave me alone” and I start to walk forward and past him to the sounds of him saying “blimey, you’re rather rude”. I keep walking and fast and manage to keep aware of whether he is continuing to follow and he’s not. I get home, all fine. Chaps, and forgive me as I am saying chaps, how mindful are you late at night when walking about near (particularly) single (as in alone!) females walking home? My first meet on Fab who is one of my best friends now, won my heart forever when we discussed a similar topic on first meeting and he said “I’m a 6 foot something bloke, actually I’m a bloke fullstop, if I’m walking down a road late at night and there’s a woman on her own, I’m not only not attempting to talk to her, I am stopping and getting the hell to the other side of the road so she has absolutely no cause whatsoever as far as I’m capable of feeling intimidated by me, it’s the least I can do.” " Yeah you do get some people like that who just dont get that what they are doing scares people or makes people uneasy. When im walking anywhere at night i tend to not talk to anyone unless i need to or they drop something stuff like that And like you i get weirded out when people try and start a conversation with you when youve really obviouly got your headphones in x | |||
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"It would be interesting to know if this would change any mens behavior who perhaps never even considered they could be perceived as a threat? Actually an important topic for discussion is this one go blanche;) Yes, it was my point just to raise awareness of being mindful that people can experience the same situation very differently and without accusing anyone of being a potential perpetrator, to simply confirm that another’s experience is valid. It wasn’t to discuss personal safety awareness (without negating its value) nor to talk about women that could be scary in the same situation (again not negating their existence) nor male victims. But raise awareness on one specific thing. Exactly
"Thank you. | |||
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"If you are out at night or somewhere you don't feel comfortable... don't wear headphones, don't have your hood up and your head down. Wear a hat so your vision isn't obstructed, walk upright and try to look confident. You are already a less appealing target! Agreed. But my thread wasn’t about this specifically (not invalidating your point) I just wanted to be focused on whether chaps are mindful and how / to what extent and actually of those engaging listen or consider hearing a perspective that perhaps doesn’t fit with their current practice and will argue the difficulty or hear it and consider/ponder/be open to it. "Sorry my comments seem to have taken the conversation away from your original intended direction. Although I used the word "you" it wasn't directed at you personally. It was just intended as a piece of non gender specific good advice as some people had mentioned how uncomfortable they feel or, bad experiences they've had while being out. Some one had also mentioned having their hood up. No victim shaming or suggestion that one might be responsible if they had headphones or a short skirt was intended. People should always be mindful of situations and feelings of others around them (not always possible, but we should try our best). Ladies are always more vulnerable, as a general rule. It is obvious that they will feel uncomfortable being approached in certain situations. Unless she is looking lost (or you're lost yourself) or she looks like she is in distress or in any way needs help...Why approach in the first place? If you do approach it should be done in a sensitive an clearly passive way and to be mindful of how ones presence may make her feel. If she indicates that she is ok or, that you have frightened her, apologise, explain that you thought she looked lost or upset and leave again. If there is no indication she may need help in the first place cross the road if you can. It will show her you are no threat. | |||
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"I’ve just arrived home, the last leg of my journey from a wonderful evening out involved walking a fifteen-twenty minute walk from tube station to house down a long, partially lit residential street that’s very quiet. I had headphones on, not too loud, and was wrapped up unsexily including metres of scarf and warm coat. Suddenly, from behind me coming into eyeshot very suddenly at periphery of my vision is a guy, approx half a metre from my face. I jump and pull my headphones off stopping immediately, and become aware he’s not just overtaking me and given me a surprise he’s actually talking at me. He’s saying “alright how’s your evening going?” and now he’s stopped in front of me. We’re just standing there. I’m clearly surprised, I jumped and am holding headphones and I say “fine thanks, you scared me”. He doesn’t appear to be high or d*unk and he also doesn’t appear to be bothered that I used the word ‘scared’. He goes on “what you doing, how are you?”, I say “you scared me, and I was walking thanks, I’m fine and going now”. He says “but I’m here now and...”, to which I say “look, you’ve stopped me, you don’t appear to need me for directions or be in urgent need of a human’s assistance. I don’t want to chat, I’m going now, please leave me alone” and I start to walk forward and past him to the sounds of him saying “blimey, you’re rather rude”. I keep walking and fast and manage to keep aware of whether he is continuing to follow and he’s not. I get home, all fine. Chaps, and forgive me as I am saying chaps, how mindful are you late at night when walking about near (particularly) single (as in alone!) females walking home? My first meet on Fab who is one of my best friends now, won my heart forever when we discussed a similar topic on first meeting and he said “I’m a 6 foot something bloke, actually I’m a bloke fullstop, if I’m walking down a road late at night and there’s a woman on her own, I’m not only not attempting to talk to her, I am stopping and getting the hell to the other side of the road so she has absolutely no cause whatsoever as far as I’m capable of feeling intimidated by me, it’s the least I can do.” Yeah you do get some people like that who just dont get that what they are doing scares people or makes people uneasy. When im walking anywhere at night i tend to not talk to anyone unless i need to or they drop something stuff like that And like you i get weirded out when people try and start a conversation with you when youve really obviouly got your headphones in x" I hear you. | |||
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"If you are out at night or somewhere you don't feel comfortable... don't wear headphones, don't have your hood up and your head down. Wear a hat so your vision isn't obstructed, walk upright and try to look confident. You are already a less appealing target! Agreed. But my thread wasn’t about this specifically (not invalidating your point) I just wanted to be focused on whether chaps are mindful and how / to what extent and actually of those engaging listen or consider hearing a perspective that perhaps doesn’t fit with their current practice and will argue the difficulty or hear it and consider/ponder/be open to it.
Sorry my comments seem to have taken the conversation away from your original intended direction. Although I used the word "you" it wasn't directed at you personally. It was just intended as a piece of non gender specific good advice as some people had mentioned how uncomfortable they feel or, bad experiences they've had while being out. Some one had also mentioned having their hood up. No victim shaming or suggestion that one might be responsible if they had headphones or a short skirt was intended.
People should always be mindful of situations and feelings of others around them (not always possible, but we should try our best). Ladies are always more vulnerable, as a general rule. It is obvious that they will feel uncomfortable being approached in certain situations. Unless she is looking lost (or you're lost yourself) or she looks like she is in distress or in any way needs help...Why approach in the first place? If you do approach it should be done in a sensitive an clearly passive way and to be mindful of how ones presence may make her feel. If she indicates that she is ok or, that you have frightened her, apologise, explain that you thought she looked lost or upset and leave again. If there is no indication she may need help in the first place cross the road if you can. It will show her you are no threat."Agreed. I did understand your original point/and why made, and it’s all good stuff - I was (as I see you understand) ensuring it didn’t dilute (and thus distract) people’s responses to the point I was raising. I appreciate your response here, thank you. | |||
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"There's always a bit of my conscious/subconscious aware of folks around me. Where possible I give space and try not to encroach on anyone. But when walking at night I tend to always try and be opposite sides of the road to lone walkers (if I spot them far enough off to not be too conspicuously avoiding), be they male or female." Thank you | |||
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"If you are out at night or somewhere you don't feel comfortable... don't wear headphones, don't have your hood up and your head down. Wear a hat so your vision isn't obstructed, walk upright and try to look confident. You are already a less appealing target! Agreed. But my thread wasn’t about this specifically (not invalidating your point) I just wanted to be focused on whether chaps are mindful and how / to what extent and actually of those engaging listen or consider hearing a perspective that perhaps doesn’t fit with their current practice and will argue the difficulty or hear it and consider/ponder/be open to it.
Sorry my comments seem to have taken the conversation away from your original intended direction. Although I used the word "you" it wasn't directed at you personally. It was just intended as a piece of non gender specific good advice as some people had mentioned how uncomfortable they feel or, bad experiences they've had while being out. Some one had also mentioned having their hood up. No victim shaming or suggestion that one might be responsible if they had headphones or a short skirt was intended.
People should always be mindful of situations and feelings of others around them (not always possible, but we should try our best). Ladies are always more vulnerable, as a general rule. It is obvious that they will feel uncomfortable being approached in certain situations. Unless she is looking lost (or you're lost yourself) or she looks like she is in distress or in any way needs help...Why approach in the first place? If you do approach it should be done in a sensitive an clearly passive way and to be mindful of how ones presence may make her feel. If she indicates that she is ok or, that you have frightened her, apologise, explain that you thought she looked lost or upset and leave again. If there is no indication she may need help in the first place cross the road if you can. It will show her you are no threat.
Agreed. I did understand your original point/and why made, and it’s all good stuff - I was (as I see you understand) ensuring it didn’t dilute (and thus distract) people’s responses to the point I was raising. I appreciate your response here, thank you. " | |||
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"The more responses I read to this thread the more incredulous it becomes to me. PEOPLE need to be wary of PEOPLE , stray animals and traffic at all times of the day; especially those you know. I'm not saying look at stats and throw caution to the wind. I will say stop feeding off others insecurities and feeding into stereotypical bullshit. Talk about misrepresentation overload. To those men that feel they must cross over in case they frighten someone I feel almost apologetic for the damage done to your psyche. To those that keep spouting meaningless cliche like 'this day and age' tell me....... just what age was it when women weren't attacked for sex or pleasure ? I'd say that these times are safer for women than they any other time in history ( I might back down a little on that but not much ) Take every precaution when you are out. Pay your penny , make your choice and don't come home and question the actions of an entire gender based on your one experience. It's widely quoted that the gender and age group attacked most when out is MALE and YOUNG. A woman goes into a bar. Sidles up to a man and asks him to buy her a drink. He says I don't want company - she says ooooo your rude. He goes home and starts a thread asking women if they are mindful of what that does to men. HUGE fucking assumptions on his part I'd say. HUGE and self indulgent to the nth. Some woman asked. Just some woman. " It's your opinion. I developed that situational awareness after being confronted by d*unks and agro seeking individuals when I was younger. I don't grumble about it. It's how it is. Your perception and experiences are clearly different. Each to their own. | |||
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"The more responses I read to this thread the more incredulous it becomes to me. PEOPLE need to be wary of PEOPLE , stray animals and traffic at all times of the day; especially those you know. I'm not saying look at stats and throw caution to the wind. I will say stop feeding off others insecurities and feeding into stereotypical bullshit. Talk about misrepresentation overload. To those men that feel they must cross over in case they frighten someone I feel almost apologetic for the damage done to your psyche. To those that keep spouting meaningless cliche like 'this day and age' tell me....... just what age was it when women weren't attacked for sex or pleasure ? I'd say that these times are safer for women than they any other time in history ( I might back down a little on that but not much ) Take every precaution when you are out. Pay your penny , make your choice and don't come home and question the actions of an entire gender based on your one experience. It's widely quoted that the gender and age group attacked most when out is MALE and YOUNG. A woman goes into a bar. Sidles up to a man and asks him to buy her a drink. He says I don't want company - she says ooooo your rude. He goes home and starts a thread asking women if they are mindful of what that does to men. HUGE fucking assumptions on his part I'd say. HUGE and self indulgent to the nth. Some woman asked. Just some woman. " | |||
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"A woman goes into a bar. Sidles up to a man and asks him to buy her a drink. He says I don't want company - she says ooooo your rude. He goes home and starts a thread asking women if they are mindful of what that does to men. HUGE fucking assumptions on his part I'd say. HUGE and self indulgent to the nth. Some woman asked. Just some woman. " Too right, blooming woman should buy me a drink... I do get the OP though dark quiet streets an all... But if you are really nervous blocking your hearing is a bit daft, and a taxi is the answer. The guy in the opening scenario is just a guy sent a well constructed personal message and expected an answer... see it almost every day on these forums. As I said above, I may cross the street, to stop her talking to me, if I became aware of someone else in my space. | |||
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"The more responses I read to this thread the more incredulous it becomes to me. PEOPLE need to be wary of PEOPLE , stray animals and traffic at all times of the day; especially those you know. I'm not saying look at stats and throw caution to the wind. I will say stop feeding off others insecurities and feeding into stereotypical bullshit. Talk about misrepresentation overload. To those men that feel they must cross over in case they frighten someone I feel almost apologetic for the damage done to your psyche. To those that keep spouting meaningless cliche like 'this day and age' tell me....... just what age was it when women weren't attacked for sex or pleasure ? I'd say that these times are safer for women than they any other time in history ( I might back down a little on that but not much ) Take every precaution when you are out. Pay your penny , make your choice and don't come home and question the actions of an entire gender based on your one experience. It's widely quoted that the gender and age group attacked most when out is MALE and YOUNG. A woman goes into a bar. Sidles up to a man and asks him to buy her a drink. He says I don't want company - she says ooooo your rude. He goes home and starts a thread asking women if they are mindful of what that does to men. HUGE fucking assumptions on his part I'd say. HUGE and self indulgent to the nth. Some woman asked. Just some woman. It's your opinion. I developed that situational awareness after being confronted by d*unks and agro seeking individuals when I was younger. I don't grumble about it. It's how it is. Your perception and experiences are clearly different. Each to their own. " Are you taking the pee? I did not give my experience anywhere. | |||
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"The more responses I read to this thread the more incredulous it becomes to me. PEOPLE need to be wary of PEOPLE , stray animals and traffic at all times of the day; especially those you know. I'm not saying look at stats and throw caution to the wind. I will say stop feeding off others insecurities and feeding into stereotypical bullshit. Talk about misrepresentation overload. To those men that feel they must cross over in case they frighten someone I feel almost apologetic for the damage done to your psyche. To those that keep spouting meaningless cliche like 'this day and age' tell me....... just what age was it when women weren't attacked for sex or pleasure ? I'd say that these times are safer for women than they any other time in history ( I might back down a little on that but not much ) Take every precaution when you are out. Pay your penny , make your choice and don't come home and question the actions of an entire gender based on your one experience. It's widely quoted that the gender and age group attacked most when out is MALE and YOUNG. A woman goes into a bar. Sidles up to a man and asks him to buy her a drink. He says I don't want company - she says ooooo your rude. He goes home and starts a thread asking women if they are mindful of what that does to men. HUGE fucking assumptions on his part I'd say. HUGE and self indulgent to the nth. Some woman asked. Just some woman. It's your opinion. I developed that situational awareness after being confronted by d*unks and agro seeking individuals when I was younger. I don't grumble about it. It's how it is. Your perception and experiences are clearly different. Each to their own. Are you taking the pee? I did not give my experience anywhere. " No urine is being extracted here.Your assertions are based on your perceptions and experiences | |||
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"The more responses I read to this thread the more incredulous it becomes to me. PEOPLE need to be wary of PEOPLE , stray animals and traffic at all times of the day; especially those you know. I'm not saying look at stats and throw caution to the wind. I will say stop feeding off others insecurities and feeding into stereotypical bullshit. Talk about misrepresentation overload. To those men that feel they must cross over in case they frighten someone I feel almost apologetic for the damage done to your psyche. To those that keep spouting meaningless cliche like 'this day and age' tell me....... just what age was it when women weren't attacked for sex or pleasure ? I'd say that these times are safer for women than they any other time in history ( I might back down a little on that but not much ) Take every precaution when you are out. Pay your penny , make your choice and don't come home and question the actions of an entire gender based on your one experience. It's widely quoted that the gender and age group attacked most when out is MALE and YOUNG. A woman goes into a bar. Sidles up to a man and asks him to buy her a drink. He says I don't want company - she says ooooo your rude. He goes home and starts a thread asking women if they are mindful of what that does to men. HUGE fucking assumptions on his part I'd say. HUGE and self indulgent to the nth. Some woman asked. Just some woman. It's your opinion. I developed that situational awareness after being confronted by d*unks and agro seeking individuals when I was younger. I don't grumble about it. It's how it is. Your perception and experiences are clearly different. Each to their own. Are you taking the pee? I did not give my experience anywhere. No urine is being extracted here.Your assertions are based on your perceptions and experiences" No. That's the rub. They are not. Or rather a small percentage of experience supported by one hell of a lot of well known FACT. I didn't type up a fifteen minute experience and I didn't make groundless accusations. I can't say it any other way to you for you to understand. NOTHING I said was MY experience or my unsupported opinion. Now if you want to demonstrate how far from the mark I am I'd be happy for that to be done but simply saying i've written from My EXPERIENCE when I haven't doesn't cut ice. | |||
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"I'm glad I'm not a man. " Tell me about it... was trying to walk home tomorrow night and there were 2 women walking along one on each side of the road... I zig zagged that road so often I didn't get home until last Wednesday.... | |||
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"I'm glad I'm not a man. " It's all a spectrum | |||
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