FabSwingers.com forum: How you define yourself

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Is it me or do the vast majority of people explain what they're looking for by stating what they don't want? Finding it hard to be interested in a profile when all they have done is define themselves as being in opposition to people of colour, certain classes etc. There's not a lot I find more unattractive than negativity and intolerance, no matter how it's justified. Much prefer to hear someone detail what they love and like in a profile. I know that women get hammered with messages and a lot want to state their preference to stop unwanted messages but this is no way a justification for being rude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wrote the majority of our profile, think its mostly positive, well I tried to keep it that way!

I think when I'm reading others profiles, positive or negatively written in looking for a little humour or personality in there and that can shine through on both positively or negatively written profiles.

I am usually just excited theres something to read, so many profiles offer little clue as to the person behind them - no pics, no words beyond "looking for fun" "fill in later".

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hope that my profile has the balance right. I'm a happy, positive person and I'd like that to be obvious to the reader. I do wonder if by stating what I want, my profile looks as though I'm being too demanding though

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I wrote the majority of our profile, think its mostly positive, well I tried to keep it that way!

I am usually just excited theres something to read, so many profiles offer little clue as to the person behind them - no pics, no words beyond "looking for fun" "fill in later"."

No I don't think your profile is negative in the slightest. I don't think anything but positivity is communicated. There's also a nice warmth to the way you write about yourselves that to me suggests that you're decent people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't.

I just am.

If others wish to define me it's their choice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I hope that my profile has the balance right. I'm a happy, positive person and I'd like that to be obvious to the reader. I do wonder if by stating what I want, my profile looks as though I'm being too demanding though

It reads good to me. You state what you like and why without being rude. Even when you state what you don't like, it's not offensive.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don’t think I say anything negative too much in our profile, most of it is what we’re looking for and what we can offer. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think my profile says everything i want to say.

Go check it out ladies

and let me know lol.

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By *blasiansCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Hope ours is clear but would welcome opinions in case more clarity is reqd.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I write my profile in a way that suits me. Yes I list what I do and don't seek. I really don't give a toss if people judge me on being 'rude', for stating preferences. Some people thrive on being offended on what they personally don't like. If people don't like it, it worked well for me, in that those people won't contact me, which is the whole point of a profile.

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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago

Shrewsbury

I wrote ours, I hope it shows we have a sense of humour and what we are looking for.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I write my profile in a way that suits me. Yes I list what I do and don't seek. I really don't give a toss if people judge me on being 'rude', for stating preferences. Some people thrive on being offended on what they personally don't like. If people don't like it, it worked well for me, in that those people won't contact me, which is the whole point of a profile."

All you've stated is what you don't like. I remember someone saying to me that all other have to go on is what you give them. If you wanted to communicate not giving a toss whilst stating preferences, then that's up to you. I personally give a toss what others think because it helps me develop deeper more meaningful relationships with more people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I am not seeking meaningful relationships. I am looking for a man to have sex with. A man of whom I find sexually attractive.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am not seeking meaningful relationships. I am looking for a man to have sex with. A man of whom I find sexually attractive."

I'm sorry to hear that meaningful relationships are of no value to you. To me, sex is dull and boring if there's no real connection. Might as well just pay for a prostitute or just wank. I would feel real shallow if all I was interested in was a soulless vessel with genitals attached. I bet you can't wait for them to perfect sex dolls eh?

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

I would hope ours is fairly positive and friendly. We dont block or filter anybody and it appears to work for us but would value others opinion of it.

We really are happy, positive, friendly people... honest

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

mine is open and honest and says exactly what I'm looking for

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not seeking meaningful relationships. I am looking for a man to have sex with. A man of whom I find sexually attractive.

Do sex dolls whine about what other people seek ? Great, I'll have one.

No I do not seek a life long connection. This is a site for others to seek like minded, for some, that means no strings sex. I can live quite happily without your judgemental view of how I meet men for sex, on a sex site.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I am not seeking meaningful relationships. I am looking for a man to have sex with. A man of whom I find sexually attractive.

Do sex dolls whine about what other people seek ? Great, I'll have one.

Don't know where to start so I'll end... You seem like a lovely, warm, caring woman; so I'm sure you will find a man that you deserve.... Hopefully one that's not too whiny and judgemental eh?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"mine is open and honest and says exactly what I'm looking for"

Yours is a great profile. A lot of what you like is communicated so it has a real positive tone

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"mine is open and honest and says exactly what I'm looking for

Yours is a great profile. A lot of what you like is communicated so it has a real positive tone

thanks

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By *londieddWoman
over a year ago

fife

I start with what I'm not interested in to cut down on mail, I don't think it's rude at all

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I am not seeking meaningful relationships. I am looking for a man to have sex with. A man of whom I find sexually attractive.

Do sex dolls whine about what other people seek ? Great, I'll have one.

Don't know where to start so I'll end... You seem like a lovely, warm, caring woman; so I'm sure you will find a man that you deserve.... Hopefully one that's not too whiny and judgemental eh?

I don't need loaded sarcasm from you either. I meet men of whom we are both sexually compatible to meet more than once. Not men that I, or they 'deserve'. Don't open threads if you can't deal with some people having different views on how they use a sex site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm indefinable.

I can't state what I want, because it's not something that can be written. All I ask is that we talk a while and see if there's mutual attraction.

If I said I want a man who is xyz, who likes and, I will get thousands messaging me telling me that's them.

My one requirement is that a man loves to kiss. That doesn't narrow the field down. Asking for only men who can accommodate, does.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hang on. On yesterday's thread you started, you claim you have met lots of people on here, but for lust only, deliberately switching off your feelings, then questioning why you switch off your feelings. Now you criticise me for making it sound like I am just after genitals, and it makes you feel you might as well have a wank or use a prostitute

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sometimes it's easier to say what you don't want and be open to everything else, that's you don't miss out on anything

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like a man who is humorous. I hate cheeky chappy types who have innuendo-filled, nudge nudge wink wink humour and schoolboy jokes. If I wanted to state I like humorous men, the jokers would mail me and I would hate that.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

"I like a man who is humorous. I hate cheeky chappy types who have innuendo-filled, nudge nudge wink wink humour and schoolboy jokes. If I wanted to state I like humorous men, the jokers would mail me and I would hate that.

Shut up smelly bum!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Sometimes it's easier to say what you don't want and be open to everything else, that's you don't miss out on anything "

Exactly. I have few dislikes and many likes. If I put all my likes on my profile it would be paragraph upon boring paragraph of I like this, I like that.

Someone may read all of it and think "Lovely,I'm exactly what she wants", mail me and get a no thank you, that leaves them scratching their head.

I want to deter certain people who I definitely wouldn't want to be around, and find someone I want, from the rest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shut up smelly bum!"

Fnar Fnar you said bum

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shut up smelly bum!"

I'll stick my finger right up that bum, one of these days

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm indefinable.

I can't state what I want, because it's not something that can be written. All I ask is that we talk a while and see if there's mutual attraction.

If I said I want a man who is xyz, who likes and, I will get thousands messaging me telling me that's them.

My one requirement is that a man loves to kiss. That doesn't narrow the field down. Asking for only men who can accommodate, does. "

I have learnt over the years, that putting what you want, usually leads to men trying to manipulate me into believing they seek the same. I used to put stuff like, I love my breasts been the main focus. Men would mail....Oooh I adore boobs and will worship them given the chance. Flick over to their profile...I'm a leg and bum man. When challenged, they would say they would do anything, to get a meet. So my profile has evolved to work for me.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm indefinable.

I can't state what I want, because it's not something that can be written. All I ask is that we talk a while and see if there's mutual attraction.

If I said I want a man who is xyz, who likes and, I will get thousands messaging me telling me that's them.

My one requirement is that a man loves to kiss. That doesn't narrow the field down. Asking for only men who can accommodate, does. "

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

Shut up smelly bum!

I'll stick my finger right up that bum, one of these days

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hang on. On yesterday's thread you started, you claim you have met lots of people on here, but for lust only, deliberately switching off your feelings, then questioning why you switch off your feelings. Now you criticise me for making it sound like I am just after genitals, and it makes you feel you might as well have a wank or use a prostitute

Can I just start by saying there's no right or wrong in opinion... With that said, read the forum. I am questioning the reasons why I don't try and pursue a relationship or anything more with the people that I have had a real connection with. You are saying that you don't want a connection at all... See the difference?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I do have a 'connection' of sorts, or I wouldn't see them more than once. Too much 'connection', and they want to get married. And yes, this has happened more than once. Time and experience has led me to word my profile to the way it is now. Your opening post, was accusing people of being rude, for having negative profiles. THAT is what my initial reply was about. It is not rude, people just perceive it as rude, because it often excludes them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Negativity attracts negativity. Makes it easy to avoid certain types.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I set out to repel allcomers in my profile but a few crazies slip through the net

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If I'm honest it sounds like you're making a lot of negative assumptions based on past experiences. Like how do you know they will want to get married? Do people not have meaningful connections without getting married. I've been involved with married women who I definitely have a good connection with without any intention of taking it further (hence the last forum).

You were first to say that you don't care if your profile comes across as rude. So I addressed that, saying that I would care. You replied to the original post like I was personally calling your profile rude then felt the need to defend it. Maybe be objective? I still do perceive a lot of profiles as rude, not because of them stating their preferences, but because the phrasing they have used. Seen one the other day saying : 'Blacks will be blocked'. You can state a preference without being a dick and putting others down. Like in past forums I asked people to explain a racial preference without sounding like a racist. Doesn't mean I think they are a racist. More that some bad experience, or horrible up-bringing has conditioned them to thinking a certain type of skin colour is unattractive. If that was me, I would want to explore this as I don't want my unconscious mind to be racist

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Negativity attracts negativity. Makes it easy to avoid certain types.

Exactly! Guess I should thank them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not who I am underneath but what I do that defines me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My past experiences are relevant to me, and I use them. As in learn and move on. How do I know they wanted to get married ? because most of them asked me. I said I don't give a toss if other people consider my profile rude, I did not say you, nor make it personal. No objectivity needed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Negativity attracts negativity. Makes it easy to avoid certain types.

Exactly! Guess I should thank them"

That is what a profile is for. If it clearly isn't for you, pass on by. No need to criticise it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My past experiences are relevant to me, and I use them. As in learn and move on. How do I know they wanted to get married ? because most of them asked me. I said I don't give a toss if other people consider my profile rude, I did not say you, nor make it personal. No objectivity needed."

I think you would argue even if we were in agreement... Your past experiences are what you learn from they do not define you. I have never dated two women who are exactly the same so I only try and improve how I act, rather than judge the other person based on how exs have treated me. Are you telling me everyone that you had a connection with wanted marriage? If so, you must be amazing in bed! I don't generalise like that because I wouldn't want to be judged on others actions.

Yeah you sound objective not giving a 'toss'...

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It's not who I am underneath but what I do that defines me."

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By *iversong321Woman
over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

Yep - what this lady just said

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