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The "I'll never leave" Promise

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Who here as ever been told this in past relationships only to end up being dumped or cheated on?

It sure is puzzling that exes would say this and then do the complete opposite.

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By *art123Man
over a year ago

Stoke


"Who here as ever been told this in past relationships only to end up being dumped or cheated on?

It sure is puzzling that exes would say this and then do the complete opposite."

I have indeed! Only mine was ‘I’m going nowhere...’ then left lol!

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By *09309309Woman
over a year ago

Dublin

That's a bit of a pie crust promise xx

People say things in the heat of the moment, during the good times.

I've learned my lesson and don't believe much of that stuff anymore

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Or

'I'm not like other guys'

I wish that would make me run for the hills, it doesn't. It catches on that tiny piece of hope leftover from last time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It stands a good chance that at the time they believed it and had no intention of leaving. Things change.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor


"It stands a good chance that at the time they believed it and had no intention of leaving. Things change. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Who here as ever been told this in past relationships only to end up being dumped or cheated on?

It sure is puzzling that exes would say this and then do the complete opposite.

I have indeed! Only mine was ‘I’m going nowhere...’ then left lol"

I've been told that as well

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By *inky BunnyMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"That's a bit of a pie crust promise xx

People say things in the heat of the moment, during the good times.

I've learned my lesson and don't believe much of that stuff anymore "

Easily made easily broken

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Sadly people do not stand by their promises anymore.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

You can't make such promises.

For one you might actually want them to go at some point if you feel the relationship is over.

Secondly sometimes leaving isn't by choice.

People say stuff. They often don't mean it literally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Who here as ever been told this in past relationships only to end up being dumped or cheated on?

It sure is puzzling that exes would say this and then do the complete opposite."

When you’re in the height of the ‘loved-up’ phase with a partner I’m guessing most people wouldn’t say “but to be fair there’s a reasonable probability that I will leave you at some time in the near future”.

Hatter called it I think - when they said it they probably believed it!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That’s it i’m Leaving

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Romantic words mean very little in my experience... it’s lovely to hear them and all that, but they're usually spur of the moment, and actions are way deeper.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..


"It stands a good chance that at the time they believed it and had no intention of leaving. Things change. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

But life and love changes, what's the problem with that? It's not a lie at the time..and if it is then it's no good mopping about it. Fact is we all leave at some point, death comes along. Or the other can no longer meet my needs which may have evolved with them. Break ups can be tough..and when taking over the embers of a relationship statements like these come back in mind and only serve to cause more pain and anguish. The positive thing for me would not to project onto my next/ new lover or partner my perceived abandonment from the previous partner.

As for the statement..' I am not like other men's this is a truism as my fingerprint, retinal scan and DNA test will prove. Maybe the point is why you would take these statements to heart and hold hostage to them. One door closes another opens, but if you are caught up in looking back...you may miss what's in front of you. Happy fabbing !!

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By *adyJayneWoman
over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"It stands a good chance that at the time they believed it and had no intention of leaving. Things change. "

This! I got married, I didn't walk down the aisle thinking I'd be leaving, thinking my marriage would end!

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By *opping_candyWoman
over a year ago

West Yorkshire

Probably meant it when it was said, as another poster has pointed out. Nobody gets into a relationship with the intention of it having an expiry date.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I made this pledge to my ex... And absolutely meant it.

No matter what he did I did I stood by him, I put up with all sorts because I made a promise to never leave... That wasn't good, he knew it, and kept pushing and pushing the boundaries of the relationship.

After years of lies, cheating and abuse, where I never left, he left me!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was told that even if we stop sleeping together we would be Forever Friends! Even that was an untruth

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's an empty promise that fools make and believe. Even in the most committed relationships things change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

nothing 'puzzling' about it..every single person who has been in a relationship says things like this, that they usually absolutely mean at the time...if not, we'd all be still in relationships with the first person we ever dated! People change, circumstances change..that's just life...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"nothing 'puzzling' about it..every single person who has been in a relationship says things like this, that they usually absolutely mean at the time...if not, we'd all be still in relationships with the first person we ever dated! People change, circumstances change..that's just life..."

Spot on. Just look at marriage, divorce is the last outcome you want or expect but it happens to a massive percentage of us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Imagine the tedium if nothing ever changed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/03/18 10:00:05]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Instead of focussing on the promise focus on avoiding complacency.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Instead of focussing on the promise focus on avoiding complacency. "

Indeed, and sometimes the promise is seen as carte blanche for lousy behaviour that only a fool would stay for.

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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

Heard it so many times I'm beyond jaded. That and I hope we will always be friends and I'm not lkke others . For me it will always be actions triumph words!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But life and love changes, what's the problem with that? It's not a lie at the time..and if it is then it's no good mopping about it. Fact is we all leave at some point, death comes along. Or the other can no longer meet my needs which may have evolved with them. Break ups can be tough..and when taking over the embers of a relationship statements like these come back in mind and only serve to cause more pain and anguish. The positive thing for me would not to project onto my next/ new lover or partner my perceived abandonment from the previous partner.

As for the statement..' I am not like other men's this is a truism as my fingerprint, retinal scan and DNA test will prove. Maybe the point is why you would take these statements to heart and hold hostage to them. One door closes another opens, but if you are caught up in looking back...you may miss what's in front of you. Happy fabbing !! "

It’s the nature of a woman hearing these romantic words for her heart to hope he’s her Prince Charming. Why wouldn’t she want to hold hostage to lovely words like that? She desperately wants them to be forever. To mope about it when they turn out not to have been forever, is not something she can be blamed for, and she shouldn’t be expected to be hard and dust herself off. Only repeated let downs make you hard. Like learning a lesson. Be careful what you say if you don’t want to break hearts.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"But life and love changes, what's the problem with that? It's not a lie at the time..and if it is then it's no good mopping about it. Fact is we all leave at some point, death comes along. Or the other can no longer meet my needs which may have evolved with them. Break ups can be tough..and when taking over the embers of a relationship statements like these come back in mind and only serve to cause more pain and anguish. The positive thing for me would not to project onto my next/ new lover or partner my perceived abandonment from the previous partner.

As for the statement..' I am not like other men's this is a truism as my fingerprint, retinal scan and DNA test will prove. Maybe the point is why you would take these statements to heart and hold hostage to them. One door closes another opens, but if you are caught up in looking back...you may miss what's in front of you. Happy fabbing !!

It’s the nature of a woman hearing these romantic words for her heart to hope he’s her Prince Charming. Why wouldn’t she want to hold hostage to lovely words like that? She desperately wants them to be forever. To mope about it when they turn out not to have been forever, is not something she can be blamed for, and she shouldn’t be expected to be hard and dust herself off. Only repeated let downs make you hard. Like learning a lesson. Be careful what you say if you don’t want to break hearts. "

It's not in the nature of this woman. You don't need to be hard to understand that people, not just men, will say a lot of things that they can't actually promise to keep to.

A relationship is a two way thing.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"But life and love changes, what's the problem with that? It's not a lie at the time..and if it is then it's no good mopping about it. Fact is we all leave at some point, death comes along. Or the other can no longer meet my needs which may have evolved with them. Break ups can be tough..and when taking over the embers of a relationship statements like these come back in mind and only serve to cause more pain and anguish. The positive thing for me would not to project onto my next/ new lover or partner my perceived abandonment from the previous partner.

As for the statement..' I am not like other men's this is a truism as my fingerprint, retinal scan and DNA test will prove. Maybe the point is why you would take these statements to heart and hold hostage to them. One door closes another opens, but if you are caught up in looking back...you may miss what's in front of you. Happy fabbing !!

It’s the nature of a woman hearing these romantic words for her heart to hope he’s her Prince Charming. Why wouldn’t she want to hold hostage to lovely words like that? She desperately wants them to be forever. To mope about it when they turn out not to have been forever, is not something she can be blamed for, and she shouldn’t be expected to be hard and dust herself off. Only repeated let downs make you hard. Like learning a lesson. Be careful what you say if you don’t want to break hearts.

It's not in the nature of this woman. You don't need to be hard to understand that people, not just men, will say a lot of things that they can't actually promise to keep to.

A relationship is a two way thing."

True, but I’m just saying, people who need to break their previous words to someone, shouldn’t expect that person to just ‘get over it’. Not everyone is so savvy. Broken promises hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When someone ups and leaves, those words begin to seem meaningless. As others have said, actions speak a hundred times louder than words. I'd rather have open, honest communication than hearing 'I'll never leave you'.

P x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Having being someone has been both the left and the leaver, and has said and being subject to a phrase like this, it is horrid.

The fact is people change, relationships and scenarios change. It's painful but its true.

I had a good relationship a few years back, but we just started moving in different directions and it eventually got too much. I felt crap for it as the girl needed a few bit of reassurance and I had said the phrase in question a few times. It hurt so much pulling the plug on the relationship and tormented me for ages because of that phrase.

In the end though if I had not reassured her in the present she might have got the wrong impression.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"When someone ups and leaves, those words begin to seem meaningless. As others have said, actions speak a hundred times louder than words. I'd rather have open, honest communication than hearing 'I'll never leave you'.

P x "

I agree. Honest communication is the better option to improve a relationship

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

After reading the posts on here, I do have a better understanding on this subject on the fact that it is mainly said in the moment but things will change over time that would make that statement invalid.

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By *urlesque!Woman
over a year ago

Gloucester


"After reading the posts on here, I do have a better understanding on this subject on the fact that it is mainly said in the moment but things will change over time that would make that statement invalid."
Absolutely agree.

Most will start a relationship genuinely believing (and stating) it will be for ever - otherwise why would you allow yourself to fall in love with somebody.

Things and feelings can change over time and I believe that it is not really about one person ending a good relationship although that is how it may be seen by the person who was left heart broken.

In reality however, it is usually one person who notices BEFORE the other does... that the former happiness has made way for boredom,discontent and dissatisfaction.

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