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Fab : a field guide

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By *inkyLondonpair OP   Couple
over a year ago

London

This is just a bit of fun and not to be taken seriously or personally...

The idea is to post a description of the various species to be found in the fab savannah. You know, in a David Attenborough style.

We'll start with

The Psycho Couple: this species is commonly seen in the club environment where it hunts in pairs. It's favourite prey is the single female, though it is generally omnivorous. Having lured its prey, disputes within the hunting group will then invariably arise and displays of dominance and competitive behavior will take place. Favourite cries are "you never fuck me like you fuck her" and. "if you like him so much why don't you marry him".

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By *iercedyvonneTV/TS
over a year ago

Glasgow

The Horny Closet Tranny: This species is only seen late at night, usually at the weekends. Nobody knows what this species looks like except for a shadowy picture which they all share or the occasional glimpse of a leg or foot usually with a hairly leg clad in a stocking or nasty looking high heel.

They are only barely capable of communication most of which is hard to decipher - for example - "hi sxy wnt 2 mt". It is safe to assume that this species has not yet mastered the ability to read properly either, preferring to receive visual communication.

This species seems to have a short life as it often mutates into a different species called UNLOS, presumably after masturbating. Unfortunately they are often reincarnated a few weeks later having remembered nothing from their previous incarnation just to repeat a similar life cycle.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Newbie Guy: Often seen spreading his messages far and wide, his profile usually consists of a "fill in later" and a cock shot. Keen to be involved with the group he posts status updates like "who wants fucked" and grows increasingly frustrated with the lack of attention he receives.

There are outstanding examples of this species who fully integrate with the group, wooing the dominant females and marking his place in the pack.

The rest retreat with a parting "you're all frigid" and head off to try their luck on Tinder.

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By *utie91Woman
over a year ago

Hitchin

The Attention seakers

Commonly posting “fab my pics” or “rate my profile”

Craving attention from others. Sometimes these people just want to be liked and make friends.

Can be males, females, couples or tv/ts.

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

The Chameleon

This species will appear on fab sporadically under different guises , make themselves this seasons must have and pick off their prey several at a time and then disappear into the undergrowth to emerge a few months later under a different name to start the hunt over again

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The Newbie Guy: Often seen spreading his messages far and wide, his profile usually consists of a "fill in later" and a cock shot. Keen to be involved with the group he posts status updates like "who wants fucked" and grows increasingly frustrated with the lack of attention he receives.

There are outstanding examples of this species who fully integrate with the group, wooing the dominant females and marking his place in the pack.

The rest retreat with a parting "you're all frigid" and head off to try their luck on Tinder. "

The newbie guy is also the Wildebeest of the Forums.

Although tending to post in herds, on occasions one will be inadvertently separated from the pack and maybe make a bit of a newbie error, for example asking a commonly posed question or daring to ask people on a site designed to meet others for casual sex, if anyone wants to meet them for casual sex!

Once separated the bloodthirsty predators (Forumus Cliqueritis) will pounce, working in teams to circle to terrified beast before pouncing on him and mauling him apart in a frenzy of catty and disingenuous comments.

Eventually the kill is confirmed and the newbie goes UNLOS, and the pack feast on their success congratulating each other smugly on another kill!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The Attention seakers

Commonly posting “fab my pics” or “rate my profile”

Craving attention from others. Sometimes these people just want to be liked and make friends.

Can be males, females, couples or tv/ts. "

Also those that attach their own name to a Forum thread, eg VoyBoy’s Saturday Night Love In, you know the type!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/02/18 12:32:18]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Omnivourous Bi Female

This bold creature is the top level predator in the savanna. And bucking the evolutionary tread is a species on the rise. Their numbers growing. This is probably down to the fact that every other species bows down to her, is attracted to her. She displays some decorum until her prey is lured and then she entices all around to be consumed or consume her.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The tossers

message and ask lots of questions about where you live , what you like , what they want to do , sometimes arrange to meet but do not , then vanish after having a wank lol x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The smuggly loved up species.

Also known to lurk on forums causing vomit inducing reactions from those around them.

If you're lucky and catch a glimpse of the ready-to-swing again variants, be careful in your approach. One wrong word and the male will sting you with the words 'Fuck off - you're not going near my wife'.

Occasionally the rare species of Smuggly loved up will pop up in the forums. These types will use warning signals, to be ignored at your peril. 'Not meeting' or 'Only here for the forums' are the trademark of this couple.

Although beautiful to look at, smuggly loved up should be approached with caution and respect

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

The fab straight male...

Protesting his straightness throughout his profile, being straighter than a metre rule laying on a roman road.

He is often found messaging other males with propositions of a quickie whilst his wife is out and the occasional request of would you like me to suck you off.

The Fab straight male is very short lived and unless he is able to locate another fab straight male within a few days the urge to migrate builds and soon draws him away to foreign shores where plenty of fish can be found...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The stockbroker.

This example understands markets and the need to buy low and sell high. Seeing the value of their gold backed currency on the high street and its lack of opportunity for growth, the stockbroker brings their currency to a market which is experiencing hyperinflation and lives large, much in excess of what could be achieved in the wider market. They eventually grow bored of the caviar being too salty or the champagne not being fizzy enough and start complaining that there just aren't enough new luxuries for them to experience and that they are actually a victim of their wealth, and that noone can understand how hard it is being wealthy. They host new events with other stockbrokers in their gated communities and gradually retire in this new land, long ago having realised that they can't go back to living the life that their wider value would achieve them in the wider world. The stockbroker controls the majority of the fab economy, with the rest of the community in perpetual serfdom.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Peacocks. Frequenting clubs. Standing around fully clothed by play areas chatting to odd passers by as if nothing at all nearby is happening. Look at us: we come, don’t even watch, just stand close to naked orgies because we are too fuckin good to get dirty with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Jealous Jilted: they lurk around the forums stalking the posts of former suitors making "sarcastic" comments and intruding on any flirting that may happen with others.

Often lacking the intelligence to switch to stealth mode they continually view the profile of their prey making notes of any new verifications before retreating to their cave to lick their wounds.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP   Couple
over a year ago

London

The complaining single male.

A solitary, timid species will periodically raise his head to say that he can't get any meets. When approached by others interested in meeting will utter his trademark cry. "busy at the moment, will get back to u" before disappearing into the undergrowth. . Widely thought to have a secret mate who is the dominant partner.

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre


"The Jealous Jilted: they lurk around the forums stalking the posts of former suitors making "sarcastic" comments and intruding on any flirting that may happen with others.

Often lacking the intelligence to switch to stealth mode they continually view the profile of their prey making notes of any new verifications before retreating to their cave to lick their wounds. "
you forgot to add easily found by the string odour of piss and the location of a nearby lamppost

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The single bitchy female, can be seen rarely hanging around the forums waiting for the opportunity to pounce on her unsuspecting prey. She comes along with her ideas that everyone else is horrible and her opinion is the one that matters. When challenged she cries off that everyone has it in for her and she has been treated unfairly. X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The single bitchy female, can be seen rarely hanging around the forums waiting for the opportunity to pounce on her unsuspecting prey. She comes along with her ideas that everyone else is horrible and her opinion is the one that matters. When challenged she cries off that everyone has it in for her and she has been treated unfairly. X "

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By *andybeachWoman
over a year ago

In the middle


"The Jealous Jilted: they lurk around the forums stalking the posts of former suitors making "sarcastic" comments and intruding on any flirting that may happen with others.

Often lacking the intelligence to switch to stealth mode they continually view the profile of their prey making notes of any new verifications before retreating to their cave to lick their wounds. you forgot to add easily found by the string odour of piss and the location of a nearby lamppost "

You forgot their distinct cry often heard after dark “whywonthemeetmeanymore”

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By *iversong321Woman
over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

The pretend couple: everybody knows they are not a real couple. He wouldn't be seen dead in public with her but has cottoned on that her mere presense raises his chance of getting a fuck by approx 300%. She has self eestem issues but is willing to let him fuck women that she knows are hotter than her, just to keep him happy. She posts hourly count downs to their next meet, whilst he is messaging every hot fem within a 50 mile radius declaring he is single and free to meet now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The OAP member, we see them being honest about their age once in a while, but their pictures are a giveaway to their true age.

They emerge from their lair to complain that swinging ain't what it used to be, and occasionally say that age restrictions are a waste of time.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP   Couple
over a year ago

London

The unicorn hunters.

This species is always found in ostensibly strongly bonded pairs but are often noted for chronic insecurity. Both seek the mythical unicorn for the female of the species to "enjoy" . In some circumstances, the unicorn will be permitted to engage with the male, but this is a risky activity as it can lead to violent jealous outbursts by the female. Any external males approaching the female of the species are at risk of death from the male who perceives that as a huge slight to his masculinity.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The single male who can't accept no

Sends message and when turned down can't accept it.

But why??

You haven't met me.

Let's meet.

No means no.

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By *blasiansCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield

Early contender for thread of the year.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The straight (not straight) male: The species can be found to be hunting on here for tv/ts.

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By *inkyLondonpair OP   Couple
over a year ago

London

The couple who like BBC

This is a white couple of a certain age who wouldn't dream of having a relationship with someone who wasn't white, but who "love black cock". Cannot see anything racist about their "preference" and have "loads of coloured mates". Fans of 1970s comedians and voted for brexit.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke

The 'no verifications' profile.

This species prefers to bask in the shadows of the internet and lives off a steady diet of fantasy chat, masturbation and bad excuses for never meeting. Logically we would have expected this species to die out, since they don't reproduce. However, they seem to have evolved to some kind of reincarnation where they got UNLOS and then come back as a silhouette. They tend to be found in clusters around free websites and are hunted by other species that utilise reverse image searches.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

The Lesser Spotted Lamppost Pisser: can be either sex, but forum sightings of the female LSLP are perhaps more common than the male. These creatures have the uncanny knack of tracking down past conquests almost as soon as they make their presence publically known and with lightning speed typically respond on the same thread within minutes, thus clearly marking their territory. The most skilled LSLPs have even learnt to lay claim to the object of their desire within seconds. This type of display occurs far too often for it to be mere coincidence, raising the intriguing but as yet unproven theory of whether or not this species possesses some form of sixth sense. They are reasonably easy to identify by their metaphorical pissing behaviour - posts which can seem innocent on the face of it, but often include a hidden barb and/or a 'hands off s/he's mine' message to those in the know. Challenge them at your peril, claims of lamppost pissing will usually be fervently denied with feigned innocence and, with the advantage of their previously mentioned tracking skills, you too are then at risk of becoming future forum prey whenever as you appear, with thinly disguised sniping aimed in your direction from these sly but clever creatures intent on destroying all other species they perceive as a threat.

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By *ooncat123Woman
over a year ago

Sutton

The Askhole - This species asks for profile advice and then ignores every single last bit of it. Usually found drowning in the deep end of the gene pool.

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

The ever present(or not) UNLOS.

A very abundant creature yet rarely ever seen face to face due to their very strange and elusive behaviour. Here one minute, gone the next.

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By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago

Henley Arden

The happy swinging couple

They have a decent profile, send nice emails with good communication. Turn up as arranged. Look like their photos.

When playing there is no drama and everything goes smoothly and everyone has a great time.

They avoid all the angst on the forums because they are generally doing it rather than talking about doing it.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple
over a year ago

Basingstoke


"The happy swinging couple

They have a decent profile, send nice emails with good communication. Turn up as arranged. Look like their photos.

When playing there is no drama and everything goes smoothly and everyone has a great time.

They avoid all the angst on the forums because they are generally doing it rather than talking about doing it.

"

More likely to be spotted in swinging clubs near water, rather than on forums

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

The cheating male is thankfully not an endangered species, although single specimens often get emasculated and castrated, even killed, by their mate, who had expected a life-long partner. They exhibit some traits that may be viewed as their signature calling cards, such as a reluctance to ever accommodate, only being seen on Fab during employment hours, or when supposedly drinking with 'the lads'.

They often are found to exhibit their photos like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, so that their wife cannot easily spot them on fab, not as a quaint puzzle for people that they try to lure for sex. Their photos may also just be on demand and not displayed publicly. They'll often insist their photos are witheld due to the importance of their job.

Whilst they can shag and lick for many hours, their preferred mating option is within their working day, or just afterwards, whilst driving to their home that these often 59 year olds share with their grandparents and great grandparents. Spotted wanking in their car to their meets, they'll usually aim to shoot and go within 5 or 10 minutes of arrival, so getting home to let the carers in for their family members.

This species has unusually high allergy levels, so insists that you don't don your favourite perfume, in case it triggers attacks on him or his relatives.

May live for a very long time or forget log-in details and create new accounts and thus still contacting you, using the same pics, despite you having blocked them 101 times before. Mating behaviour may include displays of romantic gesture - with discussion of potential permanent relationships - when wooed, their new fab mate will still get the 10 minutes quick shag, on their way home.

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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago

..

The ‘I’m being bullied’ brigade.

Sensitive souls who cry ‘bully’ when someone makes a comment, sends them a message, or criticises them in some way, even though they do much worse to others. An interesting breed because as offended as they are, the way they deal with it is by recruiting ‘friends’ to turn on the so called bully, therefore becoming bullies themselves..... the difference being that they really are bullies because their actions are targeted, deliberate and prolonged. Thinly veiled digs that they believe nobody understands is how they deal with their personal feelings of insecurities. A strange breed indeed..... proceed with caution.

Disclaimer: any similarity to any person either living or dead is merely coincidental

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The Thread Wrecker (Male).

Waits for another male to start a new thread addressing the females on the forum and then pounces as the first reply with something witty and pithy resulting in the thread being totally derailed by banter until the OP looses the will to live and retreats defeated with his tail between his legs.

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By *blasiansCouple
over a year ago

Wakefield


"The happy swinging couple

They have a decent profile, send nice emails with good communication. Turn up as arranged. Look like their photos.

When playing there is no drama and everything goes smoothly and everyone has a great time.

They avoid all the angst on the forums because they are generally doing it rather than talking about doing it.

More likely to be spotted in swinging clubs near water, rather than on forums "

We frequent forums more than clubs

@ present

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The PM gossips : a very tight little gaggle who justify gossiping and sanctimonious posts about moral superiority because ‘we like each other in real life and are above the forum’ and do everything they accuse others of, but are a bit thick and won’t own that. Known to follow up on PM to speedily share info relating to their latest presumptions of others, but rarely ever actually check facts from outside their clan, god forbid!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The central clique : much like a unicorn or other mythical creature, oft talked of, but clearly doesn’t *really* exist...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The PM gossips : a very tight little gaggle who justify gossiping and sanctimonious posts about moral superiority because ‘we like each other in real life and are above the forum’ and do everything they accuse others of, but are a bit thick and won’t own that. Known to follow up on PM to speedily share info relating to their latest presumptions of others, but rarely ever actually check facts from outside their clan, god forbid! "

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

The threesome seeker

This creature lurks on the web site checking every minute for new females who are seeking an MMF threesome. The creature lures the female to his lair with promises of a threesome she will never forget, the ‘courtship’ will take up to two weeks before she agrees to this mating ritual, the creature then searches for another male of his species to join him with said hunted female even though he knows nothing about the other male and how said male will perform. After the mating ritual takes place the creature realises he picked the wrong male and crawls back into the under growth...!!

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By *inkyLondonpair OP   Couple
over a year ago

London

The wanking single male

This species is initially enthusiastic and charming and woos his prey until a meet is arranged at a watering hole. Filled with excitement, he masturbates. Following ejaculation, he is filled with guilt and self loathing and goes unlos the day before the meet.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"The wanking single male

This species is initially enthusiastic and charming and woos his prey until a meet is arranged at a watering hole. Filled with excitement, he masturbates. Following ejaculation, he is filled with guilt and self loathing and goes unlos the day before the meet. "

And now I have finally learned what unlos means. You see everyone says nature programmes were educational

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wish these forums had the ability to ‘like’ some of these are hysterical. Good work folks

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