FabSwingers.com forum: Emotional void

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

So many people say love is off the table for them. If feelings start to develop then they'll walk aware.

There is also people who struggle with jealousy issues around swinging and the community.

Some people have difficulty with self esteem and dealing with past feelings.

My question is if there was a switch to turn off certain emotions would you use it? Would you turn them off forever or just for certain times?

What would you turn off? And if you feel comfortable with it can you tell us why?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

More swingle issues...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"More swingle issues..."

Not exactly. The first point maybe. The rest apply to everyone.

The question is also not restricted to the options I gave.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When it comes to swinging love is off the table. Dating is off the table.

Dating and swinging are completely two different things for me.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldn't turn off any emotions, I'm capable of dealing with them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Emotions can be a bitch. It's not love related but when myself and my ex were going through the rollercoaster of fertility treatment,I got to the stage I didn't want to feel any emotions at all.

The slightest disappointment of anything would sink me lower,simple thing's like there not being my size in a shoe I liked. I now don't cope well with emotions,I don't like to confront them good or bad.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Swinging for me isn’t about turning off emotions, it’s about being able to distinguish between them. Sensual and explorative playing can be intimate and a whole heap of fun but it’s when you have that real deep connection with someone that you can take back home with at the end of the night that you share beyond the club or wherever. If you can distinguish between them then all is well. Now all I need is to relocate the second half of that statement

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

Would you not date someone you swing with?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd turn off jealousy. Can be very level headed and reasonable, then other times I'll look at myself and think "get an effin' grip woman"

Suppose it's not so bad if I can be aware of it.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago

the gym and random places

"So many people say love is off the table for them. If feelings start to develop then they'll walk aware.

There is also people who struggle with jealousy issues around swinging and the community.

Some people have difficulty with self esteem and dealing with past feelings.

My question is if there was a switch to turn off certain emotions would you use it? Would you turn them off forever or just for certain times?

What would you turn off? And if you feel comfortable with it can you tell us why? "

I don't see the point in switching feelings off if you weren't meant to feel them they wouldn't exist. They are what shapes you as a person and colours your experiences in life. So what if you fall for someone you met swinging? If they feel the same way then great...embrace it. You're a long time dead

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was dating... in a relationship and we swung. But I dunno... if you click there’s always a chance. If you meet in the lifestyle there’s the chance you meet behind that distinction though.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

No. I wouldn't flip the switch. Even though some emotions can be hard to bear they are all things we experience and grow from.

I've never said love is off the table, but its certainly not something I search for, and while I will often have the deepest affection for people I meet, I've never been in danger of falling in love.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I might occasionally pause nervousness but generally think our emotions are really important, even if arising from past experiences - they're a cause for attention to be paid to something.

I'd prefer to be stuck with emotional baggage that I can choose to deal with it or not, rather than sealing myself off from it. There are costs both ways.

Emotional issues within many relationships can be addressed through communication - but more casual ones it may mean you have to limit what and how you talk.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Would you not date someone you swing with?"

Yeah I'm open to all emotions. I like feeling. I like good and bad and dealing with the consequences of both. I want to always feel alive and awake and that to me means embracing whatever comes my way.

I was just thinking about the people who say differently and that lead to me thinking of other things people struggle with. I didn't mean the question to be focused on the dating aspect.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"More swingle issues..."

Not so - plenty of swingers wives crying in the ladies loos of clubs and parties. That's emotion.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 28/02/18 09:43:05]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I learnt not to get too attached to who I'm screwing made the mistake of feeling before. .. now... it's all about sex... not love as I am incapable of that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've dealt and am dealing with this recently with someone who I thought I had a great connection with. Messaging for months everyday, great meets in group and together, got into each others lives so to speak (facebook friends, mobile number exchange), then said person started to pull back on communication, days would go by with no message, then blocked out of the blue.

Was accused of spying on their profile (i'll admit I was nosey from time to time but not spying!), and then bam, the message reads I think this has run its course. I don't know whether this person was perhaps feeling like they were getting too close etc or feeling I was, but needless to say, i'm left in limbo without fully knowing why. They have recently set up a new profile and hidden their old one, but it's made me even more cautious of letting my guard down.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

couples who swing will have very different views to single's who are on a swinging site

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

[Removed by poster at 28/02/18 09:48:17]

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

Nope, I don't do completely emotionless fucking anyway so I'm happy to feel something for whoever I'm with, even if I know there's nothing further going to come of it. They'll still get the same level of warmth from me as if it was

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"couples who swing will have very different views to single's who are on a swinging site"

Yes of course, are there aspects of that you would turn off if you could?

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago

Paisley

Think I’ve buried the switch for falling in love never mind switched it off. No one seems to want to actually date.

I would however switch jealousy off in other people. People have to realise that friendships are just that at times and don’t pose a threat to their relationship.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I wouldn't flick a switch on any

I think for me personally if I couldn't control any one of my emotions then I shouldn't be swinging

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many people say love is off the table for them. If feelings start to develop then they'll walk aware.

There is also people who struggle with jealousy issues around swinging and the community.

Some people have difficulty with self esteem and dealing with past feelings.

My question is if there was a switch to turn off certain emotions would you use it? Would you turn them off forever or just for certain times?

What would you turn off? And if you feel comfortable with it can you tell us why? "

I'd turn off the lust button sometimes. For example there is someone you find extremely attractive, yet their personality isn't quite a match but you find yourself wanting them so much you go against better judgement.

Or would also be nice to have a horny switch, turning that off when I need to concentrate and turning out on when I bed it would be an amazing gift!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*turning it on when I need it*

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"So many people say love is off the table for them. If feelings start to develop then they'll walk aware.

There is also people who struggle with jealousy issues around swinging and the community.

Some people have difficulty with self esteem and dealing with past feelings.

My question is if there was a switch to turn off certain emotions would you use it? Would you turn them off forever or just for certain times?

What would you turn off? And if you feel comfortable with it can you tell us why?

Yes, you are not alive if you don't have emotions, I would never turn them off. I would love to turn back the clock on some so I was not carrying any effects of past damage, but there are upsides as well.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many people say love is off the table for them. If feelings start to develop then they'll walk aware.

There is also people who struggle with jealousy issues around swinging and the community.

Some people have difficulty with self esteem and dealing with past feelings.

My question is if there was a switch to turn off certain emotions would you use it? Would you turn them off forever or just for certain times?

What would you turn off? And if you feel comfortable with it can you tell us why?

Or would also be nice to have a horny switch, turning that off when I need to concentrate and turning out on when I bed it would be an amazing gift!"

This

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"So many people say love is off the table for them. If feelings start to develop then they'll walk aware.

There is also people who struggle with jealousy issues around swinging and the community.

Some people have difficulty with self esteem and dealing with past feelings.

My question is if there was a switch to turn off certain emotions would you use it? Would you turn them off forever or just for certain times?

What would you turn off? And if you feel comfortable with it can you tell us why? "

No, I wouldn't switch off any emotion either indefinitely or occasionally. They all serve a useful purpose.

Despite people frequently saying everybody gets jealous I genuinely don't, I'm not afraid of falling in love because I know it takes longer than the hour or two we spend in other people's company and I'm content with the life I have, who I am and what I look like. Feeling emotions is what makes us alive and complete.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

I think it’s safe to say that men have an easier on / off switch when it comes to sex, feelings, emotions. Got me into lots of problems in the past though. If it’s good, really good,then you want more and that’s when it gets tricky and suddenly not such a difference between men and women.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

Do they really though? Some maybe... but most men I've spoken to seem to have at least one 'got too close to someone/got burned' story to share. I think only those who don't require some sort of chemistry or connection... who have sex simply to satisfy a biological urge can claim to have it easy.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"couples who swing will have very different views to single's who are on a swinging site

Yes of course, are there aspects of that you would turn off if you could?"

simple answer is no we both know what we seek sexually and emotions/connections wise and would not want others to switch off as we would lose the very indicator that allows us to pick a meet or not

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Is the answer here to be more emotional? To tell people exactly how you feel or are likely to feel...then believe them or act honourably at least.

For example person A develops feelings for their fb person B. A keeps quiet but reads all sorts of things in to B's words and actions. B being unaware that A is in love with them continues as before. A gets hurt and possibly jealous when B sees other people or doesn't call for a couple of weeks and in future relationships walks away before such hurt can happen.

Or. A tells B. B thinks "aha. Sex on tap with someone who will come running when I call". A gets hurt etc.

If A had been honest and B honourable, emotions could have been dealt with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d say no, although I have gotten attached so easily In the past. Having been hurt really badly by someone (not in the scene) I now seem to have reached the perfect/imperfect point where I can like someone, fancy them, connect with them...but feel a numbness. I wonder when...if...that will go away...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So many people say love is off the table for them. If feelings start to develop then they'll walk aware.

There is also people who struggle with jealousy issues around swinging and the community.

Some people have difficulty with self esteem and dealing with past feelings.

My question is if there was a switch to turn off certain emotions would you use it? Would you turn them off forever or just for certain times?

What would you turn off? And if you feel comfortable with it can you tell us why? "

I would hate to have a switch that would make me turn off any emotional attachment or feelings I might develop. It's just not who I am. Obviously party and group situations are different for me. There are no emotional attachments just a pure sexual lustful pleasure.

I feel people who have deep issues from past painful experiences can do it easily or those who are playing away from home.

Regarding jealousy I've witnessed it and been on the receiving end of it. It's never pretty and that would definitely make me walk away.

My emotional switch can only be turned off if I'm treated badly by another, then it's light's out

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *he girl with dreadlocksWoman
over a year ago

need to know basis in Wolverhampton

my emotions and feelings are what make me me the good the bad and the ugly they somewhat help me make good/better choices (I did say somewhat) what I need is someone who understands them and knows how to deal/put up with them.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oupertrooperMan
over a year ago

dundee

If im at a stage in my life where i dont want to be with someone but do want company then i have been able to detach my feelings for them for the sole purpose of keeping things impersonal but then when i was looking for a relationship 3 women i were just having fun with(not at the same time) became my partner because i made it known i wud like more..i realise im fortunate they all reciprocated so i at least think u can keep detached enuf if u just want it to be purely just sex,hope im making sense ha ha

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"More swingle issues..."

Yes, because no person in a couple has ever developed feelings for someone they swing with.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If you could turn the emotion off..what would the point be? ...our emotions make us who we are and how we deal with what comes our way ....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *ebjonnsonMan
over a year ago

Maldon

I have been through it myself. Three times over the years. As a grown man falling in love through the initial meeting and ‘lust’ phase.

It fucking hurts when it ends and that’s the same pain for male or female.

Hence me being in here as I really don’t want to suffer or cause that pain again.

Happy swinging!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I turn off love

I lost my partner to cancer nearly 3 years ago and the pain of his loss was horrendous

I'm naturally a very loving person who wears my heart on my sleeve so I have to block out any feelings and just tell myself it's just sex ,it's hard though

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *oupertrooperMan
over a year ago

dundee

"I turn off love

I lost my partner to cancer nearly 3 years ago and the pain of his loss was horrendous

I'm naturally a very loving person who wears my heart on my sleeve so I have to block out any feelings and just tell myself it's just sex ,it's hard though"
its so sad that that u feel u have to do this but totally understand i couldnt imagine the pain of losing someone close to me through illness i hope in time ur heart heals well enuough to maybe consider finding someone else x take care

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Without emotions I am something less than human.

Why would anyone want to switch off joy love happiness or even sadness pain and hurt. How do we ever measure our experience if we do so?

Do I want to be something less than I am. NO.

That way I would not be true to myself or others.

Whatever the emotion may be positive or negative if I remove one or more from my life for whatever reason I cease to be honest open empathetic or aware of self and that interaction with anyone; especially if they too are turning emotions on and off at the flick of a switch.

It would not make my life easier..

Just emptier...

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the answer is easy. I'd want the love left on for sure. It's the hurt that I'd love a switch for. Imagine that! You can be as in love as you like and have all the wonderful things that go with it. If it goes wrong and you are dumped, swiftly click the hurt switch off and you just move on!! No more taking indeterminate amounts of time to get over a relationship, or fearing being hurt again!!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Emotions are the most valuable thing we have.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I turn off love

I lost my partner to cancer nearly 3 years ago and the pain of his loss was horrendous

I'm naturally a very loving person who wears my heart on my sleeve so I have to block out any feelings and just tell myself it's just sex ,it's hard though its so sad that that u feel u have to do this but totally understand i couldnt imagine the pain of losing someone close to me through illness i hope in time ur heart heals well enuough to maybe consider finding someone else x take care"

hi and thanks you take care to x

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think the answer is easy. I'd want the love left on for sure. It's the hurt that I'd love a switch for. Imagine that! You can be as in love as you like and have all the wonderful things that go with it. If it goes wrong and you are dumped, swiftly click the hurt switch off and you just move on!! No more taking indeterminate amounts of time to get over a relationship, or fearing being hurt again!!

W00t! That'd be awesome!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Without emotions I am something less than human.

Why would anyone want to switch off joy love happiness or even sadness pain and hurt. How do we ever measure our experience if we do so?

Do I want to be something less than I am. NO.

That way I would not be true to myself or others.

It would not make my life easier..

Just emptier..."

So eloquently put and expresses perfectly my view.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"More swingle issues...

Not so - plenty of swingers wives crying in the ladies loos of clubs and parties. That's emotion. "

Caused by men.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *bsinthe_boyMan
over a year ago

Luton

No... I've tried turning that switch and it works.... I can turn off my emotions but I become very self centred and misogynistic even. Not me at all.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No. I would rather experience feelings no matter how uncomfortable. It would be unnatural to turn them off

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"More swingle issues...

Not so - plenty of swingers wives crying in the ladies loos of clubs and parties. That's emotion.

Caused by well hung men. "

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No I wouldn’t turn off any of my emotions. I enjoy their rich tapestry. They remind me of how alive I am.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"More swingle issues...

Not so - plenty of swingers wives crying in the ladies loos of clubs and parties. That's emotion.

Caused by men. "

Or it could be by women deceiving themselves or their husbands or not facing up to the issues in their relationship....

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would never turn my emotions off they are what make me the person I am. It would be like losing a part of me and not being truly who I am and I'd never want that

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You need to feel the hurt, everything becomes meaningless if you don't. It's the fact that you put the ability to hurt you into someone else's hands and trust them not to do so that makes love what it is.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To answer your question, I wouldn't turn anything off, I think life is too short to miss out on the highs and lows of the human experience. If you fall in love, that's a good thing, if you have negative emotions then you've something to work on and improve and hopefully you'll grow.

I also feel for people who have no choice right now and can't feel the full range of emotions due to reasons beyond their control.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

No. My emotions sometimes are my undoing but they are also something that makes me beautiful. They have been the cause of such pain but they have also helped me grow and become stronger. I like who I am and my shoulders are broad enough to accept risk and consequence in the pursuit of life. When you break, you lick your wounds and you stand back up. I'd rather live living than die in a safe emotionless bubble.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. My emotions sometimes are my undoing but they are also something that makes me beautiful. They have been the cause of such pain but they have also helped me grow and become stronger. I like who I am and my shoulders are broad enough to accept risk and consequence in the pursuit of life. When you break, you lick your wounds and you stand back up. I'd rather live living than die in a safe emotionless bubble."

You put this so perfectly, Frontier!

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Would have to learn how to switch them on first lol.

Reply privately

Reply in forum

Reply +quote

Post new Message to Thread