FabSwingers.com forum: When would you delete your profile?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

If you were meeting someone regular and they deleted their account weeks ago and want you to follow suit, when would you delete?

For me it would only be if I got to an established relationship stage.

Like I said I'd hidden my profile which I had done but then I unhid it, when he asked me I said it was unhidden and active like I'll never lie. I am true to my word, I don't message people and I tell people that message me that I'm not meeting as I'm already meeting someone that I'm exclusive to.

I've been here years and like the forums. Should I have to delete this? He says it's a sex site not a social media thing but I don't use this place as a sex site.

Thoughts?

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By *ineMan
over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

Communication is they key.

Along with a touch of honesty.

It's your profile and your choice.

But why delete it....again!

And then bounce back in a few weeks. If its hidden and your not meeting and like the forums perhaps you should talk to him about it and then make your own decision.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

No. I don’t feel the need to delete accounts on any website. I never have secrets and I believe in trust and honesty. If my significant other had issues with me chatting shite on a forum then he wouldn’t be my significant other.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's the trying to get someone to understand that even though it's a sex site to them I don't use it for that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've been in this position. With my ex. He left about a month before me. He knew I wasn't quite ready to give it up, but we were getting serious and I knew he was getting twitchy. So I decided to delete, to make it work. You have to do what's best for you. Could you explain you love the forums and want to stay on for that? Like me, you are a serial fabber haha. Would it be so bad to leave, then come back, if it didn't work out? Is he even worth taking the risk with? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself lovely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If he's not a forum member, he will struggle to understand the lure of the social aspect. Perhaps show him this post? Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"No. I don’t feel the need to delete accounts on any website. I never have secrets and I believe in trust and honesty. If my significant other had issues with me chatting shite on a forum then he wouldn’t be my significant other.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would delete if I got into a relationship, when I'm single i do what I want but when I'm in a relationship I'm faithful and expect my other half to be the same (I know kind of a risky opinion on a swinging site)

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By *aenMan
over a year ago

Here and There

It’s your account so your call. Asking you to delete it sounds a little controlling to my mind.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I've been in this position. With my ex. He left about a month before me. He knew I wasn't quite ready to give it up, but we were getting serious and I knew he was getting twitchy. So I decided to delete, to make it work. You have to do what's best for you. Could you explain you love the forums and want to stay on for that? Like me, you are a serial fabber haha. Would it be so bad to leave, then come back, if it didn't work out? Is he even worth taking the risk with? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself lovely. "

Fed up of leaving and coming back. Yeah people that don't use the forums don't understand that it's a non sexual part of the site.

I read the forums when I'm bored, read them when I'm waiting for my kids many many classes to finish, read this when I'm on the toilet, when I'm on the doorstep having a fag!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’d delete unless we were looking for extra men to join us as once i’m loved up that’s it. The forums go in repetitive cycles so i’d not stay just for them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’d delete unless we were looking for extra men to join us as once i’m loved up that’s it. The forums go in repetitive cycles so i’d not stay just for them.

We're not loved up, just dating I suppose!

How do you answer the question when they ask how would you like it if it were the other way round?

For me I know I don't want to meet anyone neither am I interested in finding people, I trust myself, therefore I know I can be on here and won't be tempted by anything!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Make your own decision about what you want to do, be your own woman. If he doesn't like the real you what's the point?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I can understand where he's coming from,it's a difficult one really. You know you're not going to contact anyone else,but he need's to feel that trust. Maybe he thinks if you stay on here you could get tempted,even though you make it clear you wouldn’t be.

I think if you are serious about him and he doesn't like you being here then you need to delete. I appreciate it wouldn't be easy I would be the same.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

If I got into a proper relationship I would delete. If we were living apart and I wanted to carry on using the forums I would set all filters to the max, only show one modest avatar pic, hide the profile or state on it that I was in a relationship and not even chatting, and then give him open access. I would have nothing to hide so have no problem with that, I prefer transparency in relationships.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'd just hide my profile so no one can contact you and block everything. The you can still enjoy the forums that way.

It does sound slightly controlling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I feel like it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I can honestly say there's nothing and no one on here that I'd want to meet. Everyone knows it takes me ages to find someone and now I've got one to meet I don't want anything else.

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

"I’d delete unless we were looking for extra men to join us as once i’m loved up that’s it. The forums go in repetitive cycles so i’d not stay just for them.

We're not loved up, just dating I suppose!

How do you answer the question when they ask how would you like it if it were the other way round?

For me I know I don't want to meet anyone neither am I interested in finding people, I trust myself, therefore I know I can be on here and won't be tempted by anything!"

How would you like it if it was the other way round?

Sounds like you are confident you cant be tempted but not so confident he wouldnt be?

If its only dating and you really think it could develop id talk to him... explain the forums... hide (not delete) my profile and may change my avatar for something non sexual

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of course you don't have to do anything you don't want, but I have to say that if I personally were serious about a relationship, ditching a social media site wouldn't cost me a thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can honestly say there's nothing and no one on here that I'd want to meet. Everyone knows it takes me ages to find someone and now I've got one to meet I don't want anything else.

Flip it round sweetie. Say you deleted your profile and he was hesitant to delete it. How would you feel?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you going to give up Facebook and any other social media where you communicate with friends?

To be honest it sounds like he has trust issues.

We all have issues but you shouldn't be forced into anything you're not ready or happy to choose yourself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can understand where he's coming from,it's a difficult one really. You know you're not going to contact anyone else,but he need's to feel that trust. Maybe he thinks if you stay on here you could get tempted,even though you make it clear you wouldn’t be.

I think if you are serious about him and he doesn't like you being here then you need to delete. I appreciate it wouldn't be easy I would be the same."

Doesn’t the trust work both ways. Maybe she needs him to trust that she can use the forums on here and not meet anyone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I am in relationship.

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By *ust Ms LovinWoman
over a year ago

birmingham

We both met as singles ... I kept my single girl account for a while until we created a couples profile mainly and to begin with to keep in touch with friends and we both still went into chat ... we enjoyed each other for the first 6 months then decided we wanted to swing together ... trials and tribulations along the way before deciding that we were a full swap ... but god it's hard to get the dynamics of 4 right .. but hey we love the social side of swinging

Be open and honest with each. Is a couples profile completely off the cards?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can see both sides. You use this site as a social media one, he used it for sex.

Can you meet in the middle? Stay on here with a stripped back / hidden profile and participate in the forums,how would he feel about that?

He knows your username so he could always look if need be.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can honestly say there's nothing and no one on here that I'd want to meet. Everyone knows it takes me ages to find someone and now I've got one to meet I don't want anything else.

Flip it round sweetie. Say you deleted your profile and he was hesitant to delete it. How would you feel?

But I know he never used the forums so his only use of the site was the searching and messaging and the viewing profiles. If he was a forum user I'd understand his reasons for being here. I'd give him my login details even so he could see I ain't arsed about speaking to people outside of the forums.

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Is he controlling about anything else? Who you see? What you wear? Where you go?

It might only be this he’s uncomfortable with but be honest with yourself about whether you’re changing and restricting yourself to please him or to avoid him being angry.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can honestly say there's nothing and no one on here that I'd want to meet. Everyone knows it takes me ages to find someone and now I've got one to meet I don't want anything else.

Flip it round sweetie. Say you deleted your profile and he was hesitant to delete it. How would you feel?

Ahhh fair point. Have you told him you'd give him your log in details? Though, if I'm honest, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be, sharing mine haha.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I can honestly say there's nothing and no one on here that I'd want to meet. Everyone knows it takes me ages to find someone and now I've got one to meet I don't want anything else.

Flip it round sweetie. Say you deleted your profile and he was hesitant to delete it. How would you feel?

Ahhh fair point. Have you told him you'd give him your log in details? Though, if I'm honest, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be, sharing mine haha. "

She could just say he can look at it on her phone whenever he wants.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Is he controlling about anything else? Who you see? What you wear? Where you go?

It might only be this he’s uncomfortable with but be honest with yourself about whether you’re changing and restricting yourself to please him or to avoid him being angry. "

Nah, he is quite controlling cos he's military and quite high up but I ain't one to be controlled, if things got serious and I did delete my account it would be out of respect for him rather than him telling me to delete.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I can honestly say there's nothing and no one on here that I'd want to meet. Everyone knows it takes me ages to find someone and now I've got one to meet I don't want anything else.

Flip it round sweetie. Say you deleted your profile and he was hesitant to delete it. How would you feel?

Ahhh fair point. Have you told him you'd give him your log in details? Though, if I'm honest, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be, sharing mine haha. "

There's nothing really on here I wouldn't want him to see. Apart from that stupid photo verification picture!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had years of this. Proving myself, deleting old friends numbers and being told who I could and couldn't socialise with.

Never again.

If there's no trust there's nothing.

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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago

KIDLINGTON

It depends on what you value more... him and a possible relationship or a social media site (how you intend to use it). If he feels it was getting in the way or distracting you, then he has a point to raise it.

Sometimes we can't see how much we use social media or depend on it. Nor can we realise how it could affect someone else.

I would delete mine if someone I wanted to spend time with asked me to. As said above the forums can be repetitive at times.. .

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

When I decide it's right for me, so I'd prefer to remain socially, instead of delete.

If any relationship got long term and closed, it might also be when I'd want to open it or challenge something about it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I can honestly say there's nothing and no one on here that I'd want to meet. Everyone knows it takes me ages to find someone and now I've got one to meet I don't want anything else.

Flip it round sweetie. Say you deleted your profile and he was hesitant to delete it. How would you feel?

Ahhh fair point. Have you told him you'd give him your log in details? Though, if I'm honest, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be, sharing mine haha.

There's nothing really on here I wouldn't want him to see. Apart from that stupid photo verification picture!"

Oh God! I wouldn't want anyone to see mine either. The horror!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When he proposed.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We didn’t delete our accounts to about a month and a bit in, we waited until our site supporters run out lol. We then set up a couples profile exclusively for the forums as we love it so much and after all it’s where we met.

Communication is what it’s all about.

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

next thing you know you wont be allowed to go to the pub with your mates

if he loves you he should trust you.

its your choice not his ..

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

Our singles profiles are still here, albeit hidden, we hid them when he moved in

(Forgotten my login now

)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fed up of leaving and coming back. Yeah people that don't use the forums don't understand that it's a non sexual part of the site.

I read the forums when I'm bored, read them when I'm waiting for my kids many many classes to finish, read this when I'm on the toilet, when I'm on the doorstep having a fag!"

My advice would be, never post and say you're on the toilet. You just don't need the extra attention right now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably once I get a girlfriend

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By *yd Charisse 10Woman
over a year ago

Manchester

Now I know y am very single I hate to be told what to do by the way sex is different

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can’t talk from experience as I don’t seem to know how to get the ball rolling on here. I don’t have much trouble on non sexually oriented platforms or general socialising but despite being an open book get no where. I love nsa sex and tbh my profile on here includes a lot of things I’m yet to try(although even Facebook friends have been more than adventurous). I am very open and always make it clear the meeting is not to find love but to share sexual bond where we genuinely take each other to higher levels. I was introduced to this site by a neighbour who I occasionally meet and she can’t believe I don’t have a relationship. My view on sex is something to be enjoyed and explored. I’d love a gf who could talk openly and share sex lives whilst still having each other to share experiences with. If i met someone on here and it did reach relationship status I’d certainly consider a joint account after phasing out our own pages and mutually carry on in a partnership with an understanding...... personally I’d feel like a king if my hot gf was being totally worshiped

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"next thing you know you wont be allowed to go to the pub with your mates

if he loves you he should trust you.

its your choice not his .."

We're no where near the love stage! We're just dating I suppose.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I think if you are serious about him and he doesn't like you being here then you need to delete. I appreciate it wouldn't be easy I would be the same.

Doesn’t the trust work both ways. Maybe she needs him to trust that she can use the forums on here and not meet anyone?"

Certainly that's why I said it's a difficult one. If they've only been seeing each other for a short while though there's probably not going to be a huge amount of trust yet on either side,so why give each other added obstacles for the other to worry about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"next thing you know you wont be allowed to go to the pub with your mates

if he loves you he should trust you.

its your choice not his .."

In my mind it’s not as black & white as that, they’ve met on a site primarily used for swinging & nsa sex, not exactly Facebook now is it?

Also trust is built up over a period of time.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I probably wouldn’t.

I’m assuming you didn’t ask him to delete his and so why should you ?

You’re open about your reasoning for keeping the account, that’s enough for me.

It’s his problem

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's the trying to get someone to understand that even though it's a sex site to them I don't use it for that.

If he doesn't understand, are you really compatible?

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By *elma and ShaggyCouple
over a year ago

Bedworth

We met on here as singles 4.5 years ago and will be celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary in May.

The issue of deleting accounts is all his. If he can’t trust, even at this early stage, then it’s difficult to see how your relationship will be able to grow and develop.

We knew early on that we wanted to be together and set up a couples account after about 6 weeks together. However, we do both still have single accounts. Neither of us feel the need to delete them, even though we rarely login with them now

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"It's the trying to get someone to understand that even though it's a sex site to them I don't use it for that.

If he doesn't understand, are you really compatible? "

I remember meeting someone from here when I was just after nsa,maybe more if I met the right person. After the second meet/date he'd deleted his profile and expected me to do the same,he couldn't understand why I would want to be on a sex site talking to strangers,even though I assured him I had absolutely no interest in meeting anyone else.

At that stage two meets in I wasn’t going to be dictated to by anyone what I should and shouldn't do,I think I met him a grand total of four time's and decided he was way to controlling and ended it.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I think if you are serious about him and he doesn't like you being here then you need to delete. I appreciate it wouldn't be easy I would be the same.

Doesn’t the trust work both ways. Maybe she needs him to trust that she can use the forums on here and not meet anyone?

Exactly, I will try to make it as easy as I can for trust to develop by being totally open. If he has come off I'm not surprised he wants her to.

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By *ust PeachyWoman
over a year ago

Prestonish

"We didn’t delete our accounts to about a month and a bit in, we waited until our site supporters run out lol. We then set up a couples profile exclusively for the forums as we love it so much and after all it’s where we met.

Communication is what it’s all about.

Geeky x"

Actually - could that be the answer op?

Even though he won’t use the forums - coming on here as a couples profile that he has access to should he wish - and stating on the profile that it’s a forum profile anyway - should dissolve any concerns he might have about trust!

Who knows - he may end up being a forumite himself in time!

Big hugs whatever you decide my lovely - and I wish you the very best of luck in this budding relationship!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don’t delete it just hide and leave it dormant. Mine was hidden fir 5 years while we established our relationship. Then decided to swing together (and singulary) so I still have my old profile.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

How new is the relationship??

Remember... trust has to be earned, not simply expected. If he has had bad experiences in the past he will, obviously, be experiencing doubts. If the relationship is important to you, delete your profile. Show him you're serious. Earn his trust. If its not... don't.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"How new is the relationship??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wouldnt delete it as I like to use the forum

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

"How new is the relationship??

This

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"How new is the relationship??

I respectfully disagree. Trust in my opinion should be given until a person proves they aren't worthy of it. Assuming someone is untrustworthy from the off is like assuming a person is guilty until they have proved they're innocent.

If he's had bad experiences it's down to him to realise that a new relationship will not be a repeat of an old one unless he makes it so.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

"How new is the relationship??

If he's had bad experiences it's down to him to realise that a new relationship will not be a repeat of an old one unless he makes it so."

Really? You trust everyone on face value?

I don't assume everyone is untrustworthy until they prove differently, certainly wouldn't advocate it, and its not what I said. That would be no way to live. But there is a middle ground... and that's where anyone new in my life camps until I know them better. Trust still has to be earned. That's why I asked the OP how new the relationship is

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It's not even a relationship. I've met him 4 times! That's two dinners and two sleepovers. Not had sex with him but have stuck my tongue up his arse and we've spoken every day for about a month. I do like him I'm just being cautious now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's not even a relationship. I've met him 4 times! That's two dinners and two sleepovers. Not had sex with him but have stuck my tongue up his arse and we've spoken every day for about a month. I do like him I'm just being cautious now.

Did the nuns tell you that rimmimg wasn't sex?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Did the nuns tell you that rimmimg wasn't sex?"

Well you know what I mean. I think full penetrative sex is more of a big deal than foreplay.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

But he's asked you for exclusivity and to delete off here....? I think you need to talk to him and simply ask him if he's looking for a relationship or just exclusivity. All sounds a bit new to be agonizing so much over.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Uh why weren't you more specific at the start - meeting 4 times isn't what I would call a relationship either.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"How new is the relationship??

If he's had bad experiences it's down to him to realise that a new relationship will not be a repeat of an old one unless he makes it so.

Really? You trust everyone on face value?

I'm not daft enough to trust everyone at face value but I'm not in the business of mistrust either. I firmly believe that if you want to be with someone you have to want the person they are rather than the one you would like them to be. Therefore you need to get to know them warts and all. I would see full disclosure of a profile on a swinging site as a sign that I could trust someone it would be down to me then to decide if it was a deal breaker or not, I wouldn't expect the other person to change to suit me.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Uh why weren't you more specific at the start - meeting 4 times isn't what I would call a relationship either."

She didn't say it is.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would wait to see if he wants an actual relationship, or only exclusive sex.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's the trying to get someone to understand that even though it's a sex site to them I don't use it for that.

If he doesn't understand, are you really compatible?

I'd never get into a relationship with someone in here for that reason.

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