FabSwingers.com forum: Lifes Challenges...Baloo the Bear

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

'The bare necessities of life will come to you' - will they though?

Just had an email from a friend who's working with the relief effort over in East Africa, she's really struggling mentally with it at the moment, life is not fair, it can be ruthless, savage and indiscriminate. She's seeing that first hand and it's robbing her of her balance and perspective.

She's calling me at the weekend for a 'recharge', what do I say to her?

(I told her I'm active on a forum and would discuss it, she mailed

back a laugh....I suppose that's a start).

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By *ushroom7Man
over a year ago

Bradford

"what do I say to her?

Ask her if she's seen Ghadaffi?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would have thought that just to be able to touch base with a good friend, to hear your voice and to hear your news would be a good start in itself - a counterbalance to the intensity and harshness of what I imagine she's currently experiencing, some kind of contact with "normality".

It just depends on your friend really. For some, it might be important to be able to tell it as it is, without anyone trying to make it sound better, or to take her mind off it. For another person, they might not want to think about what they are facing on a daily basis for a short period of time, so distraction may be the way to go.

But at the end of the day, really, just be you, be her friend. Life is so incredibly unfair and cruel at times, there can be no denying that. But it can also be beautiful and it's people and friendships that get us through.

My thoughts are with her. And admiration and respect. xx

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

I think you should have a whole load of jokes to tell her to make her laugh,no matter how bad they are

Then tell her that although individually she won't be able to change the world,what shes doing is making a small mark on this planet that is due to her having a brave and fantastically warm and caring heart,she is doing something that lots of people can only talk about

A reminder that even though she feels that its pointless and shes losing her perspective,the fact is that she has probably touched more peoples lives than she can even remember by just being there

I hope she stays safe and continues with her good work

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By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago

Hull

Though on a different theme, this is a very similar situation I found a few years ago when a very close friend of mine was diagnosed with a terminal illness.

The most important point has been done already; she's reached out in her own way to you and values you enough to be her "shoulder" to lean on. Let her have her space when she talks to you, but equally respond equally too, but try not to be judgemental and remain open minded.

With my friend, I aimed to have her laughing every call; it didn't have to be a joke, maybe instead an anecdote, a mutually agreeable time together, even something daft you've seen in the local or national Press or other media which she won't have seen.

I found my regular discussions very rewarding; in time, you will hopefully find that too, and also make you realise the importance of having at least one good friend in the world.

Look at this situation in one way; she chose you to talk to. That's a positive move in anyone's eyes. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All fantastic advice. You'll be a reassurance to her no matter how the conversation goes.

As the saying goes 'thank heavens for small mercies', just a simple phone call will be enough x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone is struggling with what is throwing at them, I find a conversation which acknowledges their position but mixes it up with some humour, laughter and just some chit-chat about 'normal stuff' works wonders.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, You don’t say whether this is your friends first time doing this amazing work

If it is….!. a know a valuable point worth taking into account,,,,,,,,is

No matter how much you get emotionally drained doing what she’s doing….!. as soon as you return home from the environment, your thoughts become immediately drawn to returning back to it……….

Of course if she’s already done this sort of work before, she will already know that…

Please convey my appreciation of her efforts…… your friend is truly a sentient being

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had this when my sister was working out in Africa, in a HIV clinic.

It sounds like she is stuggling to stay positive, so be positive, remind her that she is valued for what she is doing, and make her smile, however you do it.

Distract her for a while.

It reminds me of that quote by Burke, "Evil triumphs when good men do nothing".

Tell her.

And remind Her that She has chosen to do something.

Good luck xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Be yourself when talking to your friend, they obviously want some normality.

Listen patiently to what they have to say.

Let them know that what they are doing is extraordinary and a credit to humanity (we are sat here giving advice whilst they are out there doing more than any of us are doing)

Give them our support well wishes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all.

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