FabSwingers.com forum: Confidence

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Any one else finding it really off putting when guys (or girls depending on what floats your boat) lack confidence?

Don't get me wrong I'm not the confidentist (I'm aware it's not a word but it seemed apt lol) person but when I'm being sexual with someone last thing I worry about is how big my belly is.

Love when guys don't give a f**k about stuff like that, i generally am only attracted to slim guys and even some of them seem to be lacking confidence

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Also finding quite a few guys on here who have openly admitted they find me intimidating which is annoying

I can understand why I could come across that way via my profile (which is not my current one btw) but surely you would steer clear of some one especially a woman who intimidates you?

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

Lack of confidence can be frustrating. I can't be doing with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They're looking for a dominant mummy

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Confidence is one of the most attractive features of a person, but far too often on here it's either lacking or there's too much! There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on how it comes across. If they go on and on about being shy or ugly or fat or whatever, then it's a turn off. If they just seem shy or unsure then that's different.

I sometimes mistake their lack of confidence with them not being attracted to me and that's obviously a massive turn off.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is the eternal dilemma.

You start off here, hoping to embrace a world of sexual liberation. Then you fimd you either don't get messages, or you do from the wrong sort of people, or (if you are a bloke) you send them and you find them deleted.

You see post after post of what is better bodywise, you only notice the posts that are completely not you.

You see the verifications of people you like the look of and look at their profiles. Gym fit, toned, buff, well hung, body beautiful etc.

So either you write a massive profile to hide what you are in a sea of words, or you cut it down to fancy a fuck.

You spend all your time analysing why others meet and you don't.

The confidence can be knocked out of you quite easily.

Sometimes people tone down the confidence to avoid sounding arrogant.

Eventually you either do well or give up. You accept your lot in life and learn to accept your imperfections or hate yourself for having them.

I'm at the stage where my confidence is sky high. I accept who I am and how I'm put together (no matter how imperfect I appear to others)

Makes no difference on here as I can't compel people to meet me. Nor would I.

If I may ask the OP (you don't have to answer at all or in public)... Based on my profile and pics, would you meet me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know some beautiful men and women that have no confidence, I think it is a bit sad really. I can deal with that, it is when people feel the need to apologise for being short, fat, or whatever else they dislike (or assume others dislike) about themselves that I hate!

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on how it comes across. If they go on and on about being shy or ugly or fat or whatever, then it's a turn off. If they just seem shy or unsure then that's different.

I sometimes mistake their lack of confidence with them not being attracted to me and that's obviously a massive turn off. "

Usually the former, and thinly disguised 'jokes' such as "must have be a slow fab night if you ended up with me then".

As well as guys who get funny about taking their shirts off (yes it happens lol) or only want to play in the dark

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is the eternal dilemma.

You see post after post of what is better bodywise, you only notice the posts that are completely not you.

You see the verifications of people you like the look of and look at their profiles. Gym fit, toned, buff, well hung, body beautiful etc.

So either you write a massive profile to hide what you are in a sea of words, or you cut it down to fancy a fuck.

You spend all your time analysing why others meet and you don't.

The confidence can be knocked out of you quite easily.

Sometimes people tone down the confidence to avoid sounding arrogant.

Eventually you either do well or give up. You accept your lot in life and learn to accept your imperfections or hate yourself for having them.

I'm at the stage where my confidence is sky high. I accept who I am and how I'm put together (no matter how imperfect I appear to others)

Makes no difference on here as I can't compel people to meet me. Nor would I.

If I may ask the OP (you don't have to answer at all or in public)... Based on my profile and pics, would you meet me?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know some beautiful men and women that have no confidence, I think it is a bit sad really. I can deal with that, it is when people feel the need to apologise for being short, fat, or whatever else they dislike (or assume others dislike) about themselves that I hate! "

I'm not that bad but I do have an issue sometimes with new people. Hasn't happened yet from a meet iff if here but has happened on nights out.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"It is the eternal dilemma.

You see post after post of what is better bodywise, you only notice the posts that are completely not you.

You see the verifications of people you like the look of and look at their profiles. Gym fit, toned, buff, well hung, body beautiful etc.

So either you write a massive profile to hide what you are in a sea of words, or you cut it down to fancy a fuck.

You spend all your time analysing why others meet and you don't.

The confidence can be knocked out of you quite easily.

Sometimes people tone down the confidence to avoid sounding arrogant.

Eventually you either do well or give up. You accept your lot in life and learn to accept your imperfections or hate yourself for having them.

I'm at the stage where my confidence is sky high. I accept who I am and how I'm put together (no matter how imperfect I appear to others)

Makes no difference on here as I can't compel people to meet me. Nor would I.

If I may ask the OP (you don't have to answer at all or in public)... Based on my profile and pics, would you meet me?"

I suppose it is different for a man, as for verifications I look and if I see that a guy I'm speaking to has been verified by some one the complete opposite to me then it does make me wonder but if never not meet them or feel funny about my body in their presence

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I prefere confident man who knows how to treat a lady in and out of the bedroom .Gentlemen in public and a wolf in bedroom.

Man that opens doors but slaps my ass as i pass.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on how it comes across. If they go on and on about being shy or ugly or fat or whatever, then it's a turn off. If they just seem shy or unsure then that's different.

I sometimes mistake their lack of confidence with them not being attracted to me and that's obviously a massive turn off.

Usually the former, and thinly disguised 'jokes' such as "must have be a slow fab night if you ended up with me then".

As well as guys who get funny about taking their shirts off (yes it happens lol) or only want to play in the dark "

Maybe they're married and think leaving their shirt on means they won't get a scratched back.

I don't get naked but I don't make a big deal of it. I fuck in the light though.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on how it comes across. If they go on and on about being shy or ugly or fat or whatever, then it's a turn off. If they just seem shy or unsure then that's different.

I sometimes mistake their lack of confidence with them not being attracted to me and that's obviously a massive turn off.

Usually the former, and thinly disguised 'jokes' such as "must have be a slow fab night if you ended up with me then".

As well as guys who get funny about taking their shirts off (yes it happens lol) or only want to play in the dark

Maybe they're married and think leaving their shirt on means they won't get a scratched back.

I don't get naked but I don't make a big deal of it. I fuck in the light though.

Oh I love being fully naked. Love the feeling of skin on skin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on how it comes across. If they go on and on about being shy or ugly or fat or whatever, then it's a turn off. If they just seem shy or unsure then that's different.

I sometimes mistake their lack of confidence with them not being attracted to me and that's obviously a massive turn off.

Usually the former, and thinly disguised 'jokes' such as "must have be a slow fab night if you ended up with me then".

As well as guys who get funny about taking their shirts off (yes it happens lol) or only want to play in the dark

Maybe they're married and think leaving their shirt on means they won't get a scratched back.

I don't get naked but I don't make a big deal of it. I fuck in the light though.

Oh I love being fully naked. Love the feeling of skin on skin

I agree that is a great feeling.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I totally agree. It's not even a confidence thing for me per se but when in the moment inhibitions most certainly need to be lost. I get that we all have our moments when not feeling 100%, but it can become debilitating. Nothing more off putting than someone who can't get their words out. Or fumble about doubting every move.

Be direct with me, tell me what you want/ if you like it. I'll do the same

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no issue with getting naked. Getting to the point of getting naked is the stumbling block

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It doesn't turn me off, to be honest. It just takes a little longer to make them comfortable enough to know that I won't judge and find them desirable, regardless. If I like someone, it's always been worth the extra effort

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why would being slim or large be an indicator of confidence in a guy OP?

Maybe confidence comes with trust or knowing what makes another tick.

Perhaps it comes with more than fuck and run....maybe even with learning another taking time and daring to explore and take chances...and doing something different to what we always do?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why would being slim or large be an indicator of confidence in a guy OP?

Maybe confidence comes with trust or knowing what makes another tick.

Perhaps it comes with more than fuck and run....maybe even with learning another taking time and daring to explore and take chances...and doing something different to what we always do?

I didn't word that part correctly, the stereotype is that bigger people are most self conscious than those who are slimmer, That's what I was referring too with my 'slim' comment

And I don't do fuck and go meets so I can't comment on that, but there has been a couple of times where guys have been really self conscious/nervous and it's made me feel a bit uncomfortable so I've made my excuses and left

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Few things get me more turned on than a confident woman who knows what she wants. Not saying I need my hand held or anything, but it's hot when a woman isn't afraid to just go for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m usually attracted to confident and even arrogant chaps. I can easily deal with them and their egos. However the less confident, the shy - well I find this a lot more difficult. I’m not very good at boosting egos. I don’t mind one or two pep ups but constant reassurance is a drain.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

I think there's different types of confidence though - there's confidence in your body and how it looks which is something I'm probably the most confident about that I've ever been.

Then there's having the confidence to approach someone and interact with them with a view to meeting - something I struggle with at times certainly when it comes to suggesting meeting - I can hold an intelligent conversation and be engaging etc but there's a part of me that holds back until I'm absolutely as sure as I can be that the person would want to meet me, which I am sure can be frustrating, especially if the other person is waiting for me to make that move rather than make it themselves.

Then there's having the confidence in yourself and your abilities when you do meet - something that again I struggle with at times, particularly before meeting as I can get very nervous and fret over how it will go - although usually find my fears are unfounded if given time to relax.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I faked it until I was deluded enough to feel confident

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I faked it until I was deluded enough to feel confident

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By *appy squirrelWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

I think i am more confident during meets compared to actually getting to know someone. because it doesn't mean a lot - just sex.

letting someone close however can make me increadibly vulnerable and I am not confident then.

so in general I just have a good pokerface and fake it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why would being slim or large be an indicator of confidence in a guy OP?

Maybe confidence comes with trust or knowing what makes another tick.

Perhaps it comes with more than fuck and run....maybe even with learning another taking time and daring to explore and take chances...and doing something different to what we always do?

I didn't word that part correctly, the stereotype is that bigger people are most self conscious than those who are slimmer, That's what I was referring too with my 'slim' comment

I wasn't having a dig at you. And how we interact with others is always a two way process. Once I was over 6 stone heavier than now and for a long time didn't put pics on my profile. Well who would want to see that....i thought.

But I still met and.... while my confidence at a first meet and that nervous thing about being accepted was always there I learned that it always takes two people to make any fab meet work. And the fact you say guys are intimidated by you makes me wonder about your expectations and how those early interactions develop. If they are successful enough to move to getting wet and messy together then perhaps that too is part of the journey.

Six stone lighter a waist 10 inches slimmer and the onky thing that has changed is my bulk.

And yet I still get nervous at a first meet feel the butterflies in my stomach want to make a good impression.....dont we all... And hope that I may still get wet and messy with whoever after that first meet....most of the time.

But that first meet...its exploring learning hoping it may lead to more than one meet.

Perhaps if first meet expectations are too high ....we lose what may ever be once we get beyond that first meet because we judge to harshly or fail to accept that it can take time to become comfortable with another?

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

To an extent it is off putting if someone puts themselves down constantly, just as it is if they're arrogant. But I like it when someone shows a wee bit of vulnerability to be honest, I find it endearing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Why would being slim or large be an indicator of confidence in a guy OP?

Maybe confidence comes with trust or knowing what makes another tick.

Perhaps it comes with more than fuck and run....maybe even with learning another taking time and daring to explore and take chances...and doing something different to what we always do?

I didn't word that part correctly, the stereotype is that bigger people are most self conscious than those who are slimmer, That's what I was referring too with my 'slim' comment

Six stone lighter a waist 10 inches slimmer and the onky thing that has changed is my bulk.

But that first meet...its exploring learning hoping it may lead to more than one meet.

I've been told for as long as I can remember that men find me intimidating even before fab but I understand what you're saying .

Also I don't have any expectations before a meet because I know anything can happen, And as far as I'm aware I'm not demanding lol so I don't know.

I'd like to think it's not me because out of the guys I've met I've only found the above with 3 guys all of which I haven't met again, the rest of the guys have been amazing

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I’m usually attracted to confident and even arrogant chaps. I can easily deal with them and their egos. However the less confident, the shy - well I find this a lot more difficult. I’m not very good at boosting egos. I don’t mind one or two pep ups but constant reassurance is a drain. "

I quite like an arrogant guy, I've always attracted really arrogant men with strong personalities so when I meet shy guys I'm a bit perplexed

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By *agneto.Man
over a year ago

Bham

Yeah, totally agree with this

While I'm not billy big bollocks, and hate making small talk, inherently sky l shy really, but I do work talking to groups of people so I'm confident in some situations. And even though I don't have the best body and am currently carrying a few extra lbs, once I'm getting down to business ok don't even consider it.

I find it off-putting if someone is really body conscious, they are usually more bothered that the other person, covering up, negative body language etc, I love curves and bumps, just flaunt it ladies, shake what your momma gave you.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Can we keep replies to this on the thread? Thank you x

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