FabSwingers.com forum: Is common decency dead in swinging

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Now I know its never nice to tell people you have changed your mind but its something that is acceptable to do in life.

We had to tell a lovely couple the other day that they where not for us, it was not nice but its always best to be truthful.

The question I ask is common decency dead in tue world of swinging.

Take today over the last couple of weeks we have been chatting to someone on here. Been getting on well and a meet was arranged.

Spoke to her last night and everything a go. Time set, she was staying over for the night

Boo rushed home from work, house tidied and i fall in from work an hour before the meet.

Great its a go to find that she has now blocked us on fab.

A simple message saying sorry have changed my mind would have been taken with a gracefull ok no problems happy fabbing and have fun.

Why not simply message and say no thanks. Good luck and have fun instead of messing people around and acting in what can only be seen as a childish way

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Welcome to the world of fab

People are rude and disrespectful and don’t know how to act

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Welcome to the world of fab

People are rude and disrespectful and don’t know how to act "

But does that not defy the whole odea of swinging lol noone is going to meet up with a rude person

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Interesting question, in the short time I've been here I've been treated with great respect by some and utterly dismissed by others....it's a brutal and highly Darwinian environment. I've nothing to suggest but it is reassuring to see others voicing the same thoughts.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Interesting question, in the short time I've been here I've been treated with great respect by some and utterly dismissed by others....it's a brutal and highly Darwinian environment. I've nothing to suggest but it is reassuring to see others voicing the same thoughts. "

I think rejection is something that always happens at one point whilst swinging.

I think its just easier to do it politely lol

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By *eek2findMan
over a year ago

Wigan

I think a lot of people are shy but not to say there are time wasters.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think a lot of people are shy but not to say there are time wasters."

Shyness is not a reason to have a lack of common decency.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The trouble is it's a feedback loop.

I (the male) tend to be the online facilitator of the couple. Our F has neither the time to invest nor the inclination to come online all the time but she enjoys it once it gets to an in-person or private messaging stage.

What I've found is that with each passing month the effort invested gives less and less of a return. The excitement of a prospective playmate is now more often the groan of "why bother, she/they will just ghost 6-7 messages in". As a result, less effort and enthusiasm goes into our online presence and as a result ghosting becomes more likely as we aren't putting our all into it.

Vicious circle really

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'd be suspicious of anyone that claim that they are going to stop over midweek having not even met for a social.

I may be wrong but I suspect very few women on here would plan such a meet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's awful OP.

It's childish and rude to do that.

It's an adult site for fuck's sake!! I don't know why people can't act like it. They treat people like meat then complain when others do the same to them. They seem to forget there's a human behind every profile.

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan
over a year ago

Coventry

That is so disappointing. I just cant fathom how some people can be like that? How would they'd like it if the shoe was on the other foot? Its fine to change your mind but to be so rude and disrespectful. I'm not sure if there's much you can do about other peoples morals, all you can do it to continue to treat others with respect.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Not sure I would want someone to say to us after chatting for a bit ‘sorrry you’re not for us’. I would swallow that rejection so much if better if they allowed it to just peter out. So, the question is - should we treat people how we want to be treated ourselves? Or should we treat people how they want to be treated? If the latter how do we know how someone wants to be treated in the event of rejection?

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Though I’d be hurt if someone led us on the blocked us.

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By *olieandSlaveCouple
over a year ago

Stafford

"I'd be suspicious of anyone that claim that they are going to stop over midweek having not even met for a social.

I may be wrong but I suspect very few women on here would plan such a meet"

I would on a weeknight, as husbands current 'on call' rota makes weekends difficult. Not particularly one for socials either. We all have different circumstances and are not all 9-5ers!

Saying that, ghosting the day of the meet is unfair. Though plus side, your house is tidy for some unexpected fun at the weekend

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'd be suspicious of anyone that claim that they are going to stop over midweek having not even met for a social.

I may be wrong but I suspect very few women on here would plan such a meet

I would on a weeknight, as husbands current 'on call' rota makes weekends difficult. Not particularly one for socials either. We all have different circumstances and are not all 9-5ers!

Saying that, ghosting the day of the meet is unfair. Though plus side, your house is tidy for some unexpected fun at the weekend

Thats how we are looking at it lol. Just need to find some naughty vistors now lol.

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By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

It never was, ghosting is just a modern form of pretending you dont see someone get on the bus.

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By *ANDA2Couple
over a year ago

Henley Arden

"I'd be suspicious of anyone that claim that they are going to stop over midweek having not even met for a social.

I may be wrong but I suspect very few women on here would plan such a meet

I would on a weeknight, as husbands current 'on call' rota makes weekends difficult. Not particularly one for socials either. We all have different circumstances and are not all 9-5ers!

Saying that, ghosting the day of the meet is unfair. Though plus side, your house is tidy for some unexpected fun at the weekend

Thats how we are looking at it lol. Just need to find some naughty vistors now lol. "

Did you actually speak in the phone or just via Fab email ?

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By *an and wifeyCouple
over a year ago

n lincs

Think there is a lot of dreamers that get excited thinking their going on a meet then bottle it last minute. Has happened to us on a few occasions and if messaged explaining why they cancelled it always gives you the chance to sort something else out. No wonder single guys get a bad rap

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Think there is a lot of dreamers that get excited thinking their going on a meet then bottle it last minute. Has happened to us on a few occasions and if messaged explaining why they cancelled it always gives you the chance to sort something else out. No wonder single guys get a bad rap

This was a female. But hey ho onwards and upwards

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By *an and wifeyCouple
over a year ago

n lincs

This was a female. But hey ho onwards and upwards "
was that confirmed through a phone call. Just saying. We got conned on webcam when we first joined fab. Once bitten twice shy lol

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

This was a female. But hey ho onwards and upwards "

So you had spoken to her ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

This was a female. But hey ho onwards and upwards

So you had spoken to her ?"

Yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Welcome to the world of fab

People are rude and disrespectful and don’t know how to act "
rest my case

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

To be honest OP it's not a swinging question - there are rude and ignorant people with a lack of consideration for others in all walks of life.

Sorry it's happened to you though - I'd query if this was actually a female (i.e. did you speak to them on the phone/see them on webcam etc) unfortunately there wpuld appear to ge a number of "women" who are actually men getting a sick kick out of messing people about.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some are rude some are not

Some are real some are not

Some do what they say some don't...

It's not exclusive to fab. Its the wsy the world works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think Fab is just a reflection of our society ... a mix of courteous and discourteous people.

Some also see Fab as a social network of real people while others see it as just a marketplace for the exchange of services ...

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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Oh, that sucks big fat donkey wang!

If I’ve been unable to meet, I’ve always messaged to let people know. I’m really sorry

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Oh, that sucks big fat donkey wang!

If I’ve been unable to meet, I’ve always messaged to let people know. I’m really sorry

I'm using "big fat donkey wang"

Yeah OP, I've been let down before, even after speaking to them on the phone, but I got over it

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Oh, that sucks big fat donkey wang!

If I’ve been unable to meet, I’ve always messaged to let people know. I’m really sorry

I'm using "big fat donkey wang"

Yeah OP, I've been let down before, even after speaking to them on the phone, but I got over it

Nothing to get over. What the post is about is bad manners

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

If this was a post by a single male you'd have been told to get over it and that nobody owes you an explanation.

My advice: Don't engage people in endless chatter. Once you've decided they aren't a moron, arrange a meeting. Meet socially first.

I've never been stood up on here.

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Oh, that sucks big fat donkey wang!

If I’ve been unable to meet, I’ve always messaged to let people know. I’m really sorry

I'm using "big fat donkey wang"

Yeah OP, I've been let down before, even after speaking to them on the phone, but I got over it

Nothing to get over. What the post is about is bad manners"

I realise that, now FUCK OFF or I'll see you at The Spot and give you both a Chinese burn

There are some bad mannered people on here though, as there is in any walk of life. You have to take the rough with the smooth sometimes I'm afraid.

P.S. I'll buy you a pint

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Common courtesy is becoming rarer and rarer in here, you have to accept that most people here are doing this for there own selfish gain with sexual politics, jealousy, ego & self entitlement influencing how they behave, most will justify this with the statement “we do what we want” and others will reinforce this.

We would bet this lady is justifying her behaviour in her own mind with a combination of the above, OP just accept and move on xx

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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago

Hereford

"Common courtesy is becoming rarer and rarer in here, you have to accept that most people here are doing this for there own selfish gain with sexual politics, jealousy, ego & self entitlement influencing how they behave, most will justify this with the statement “we do what we want” and others will reinforce this.

We would bet this lady is justifying her behaviour in her own mind with a combination of the above, OP just accept and move on xx"

Or: single lady bottled going and staying the night with a couple she'd never met.

I can't believe she'd agreed to it in the first place, and am utterly unsurprised that she didn't show.

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By *issy and GingeCouple
over a year ago

Poole

We have had a message trail go dead after they asked for a meet, only for them to start a forum thread the following week moaning they couldn’t get a meet!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a meet on weds I said to keep looking at site as I'm on 24/7 call outs they said ok I was running late so left messages then said I would be ok and stil meet at 8 never heard any thing from about 4 they haven't even looked at the fab sit for a whole 24hrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes its all about time if you fit in the time zone you'll be fine if you don't you won't

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

yes common decency is dead on here

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

I had a similar occurrence, with a similar outcome. I also concluded in a similar way based on my experience of the event.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I had a similar occurrence, with a similar outcome. I also concluded in a similar way based on my experience of the event. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We would bet this lady is justifying her behaviour in her own mind with a combination of the above, OP just accept and move on xx"

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

It's not fab per se but online behavior coupled with a degradation of respect for others in society.

I'd like a meet confirmation button on fab that would make people think more about their real intentions, before committing. And that would carry instructions simply on how to notify the others, should interest change.

I prefer to have a phone number before a meet and an agreed update schedule leading up to a meet. If the schedule is broken, it can give earlier warning signs. And a number gives some an easier way to contact / update than them using fab.

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By *lean and hygienic 69Man
over a year ago

preston

not all people are rude and disrespectful, i feel i get treated poorly (stereo typing)being a single male

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've not experienced rudeness in terms of trying to get a meet but in the forums its easily achieved lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i think people want to avoid a backlash from a message saying sorry i’ve changed my mind, seen lots of moaning threads about guys becoming abusive when they get turned down.

it happened to me this week, had originally agreed to meet today but now she has blocked me, i don’t know why, and don’t really want to mull over it, she’s changed her mind and that’s fine, people do, yes it would be nice to be told but as i said, most will just block as they fear if they do send a message saying “sorry, i’ve changed my mind and don’t want to meet now”, the response could be quite abusive, being called a time waster or whatever, they just want to avoid all that so blocking is the easy option.

i don’t let it get to me, it’s part of life in the swinging world.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/02/18 04:51:42]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now I know its never nice to tell people you have changed your mind but its something that is acceptable to do in life.

We had to tell a lovely couple the other day that they where not for us, it was not nice but its always best to be truthful.

The question I ask is common decency dead in tue world of swinging.

Take today over the last couple of weeks we have been chatting to someone on here. Been getting on well and a meet was arranged.

Spoke to her last night and everything a go. Time set, she was staying over for the night

Boo rushed home from work, house tidied and i fall in from work an hour before the meet.

Great its a go to find that she has now blocked us on fab.

A simple message saying sorry have changed my mind would have been taken with a gracefull ok no problems happy fabbing and have fun.

Why not simply message and say no thanks. Good luck and have fun instead of messing people around and acting in what can only be seen as a childish way "

There are some rude and obnoxious people on here who seem to get their kicks out of fucking people around - obviously not in the right way

- it probably does their sad little egos good to be "powerful" behind the keyboard and then let people down...

With a very busy life and job I will never understand such behaviour, and I think it is totally unacceptable but sadly it's always gonna go on...and it seems males and females are equally "good" at this immature behaviour

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i think people want to avoid a backlash from a message saying sorry i’ve changed my mind, seen lots of moaning threads about guys becoming abusive when they get turned down.

i don’t let it get to me, it’s part of life in the swinging world."
its the cap I mean NY gel

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"i think people want to avoid a backlash from a message saying sorry i’ve changed my mind, seen lots of moaning threads about guys becoming abusive when they get turned down.

i don’t let it get to me, it’s part of life in the swinging world.its the cap I mean NY gel

eh?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You don't have to be a 'fabber' to realise that alot of people nowadays are rude,ill mannered,selfish and impatient.You see it everywhere every day in shops,pubs,public transport,on the street etc etc.We live in a throw away society be it a mobile phone or a relationship where instant gratification and 'cheap' appear to be the norm.They use and move on.

As for fabswingers..of course it WILL attract the dishonest,the disrespectful,the undignified and those with little or no discretion.

Once we understand and accept that this is the way society has become ( no one individual will change this ) we must learn to adapt and become more selective.

Its simple,,,don't suffer fools or you will become one.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

No chivalry and charm and the gentleman still exist in me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You don't have to be a 'fabber' to realise that alot of people nowadays are rude,ill mannered,selfish and impatient.You see it everywhere every day in shops,pubs,public transport,on the street etc etc.We live in a throw away society be it a mobile phone or a relationship where instant gratification and 'cheap' appear to be the norm.They use and move on.

As for fabswingers..of course it WILL attract the dishonest,the disrespectful,the undignified and those with little or no discretion.

Once we understand and accept that this is the way society has become ( no one individual will change this ) we must learn to adapt and become more selective.

Its simple,,,don't suffer fools or you will become one.

Agree with most of this apart from that we should accept it. I think we should fight against rude disrespectful people. Draw attention to their rudeness and hopefully make them think. Perhaps there's an ounce of decent person in there somewhere.

Or not.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for fabswingers..of course it WILL attract the dishonest,the disrespectful,the undignified and those with little or no discretion.

Once we understand and accept that this is the way society has become ( no one individual will change this ) we must learn to adapt and become more selective.

Its simple,,,don't suffer fools or you will become one.

Or not.

We should not accept it... Yes, it happens but it's not acceptable.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Meant to say SteelHeels... You're right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's fight for what's right ,the common man or woman united in harmony

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let's fight for what's right ,the common man or woman united in harmony

Or just common decency from men and women??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Let's fight for what's right ,the common man or woman united in harmony

Or just common decency from men and women?? "
that too

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Meant to say SteelHeels... You're right

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for fabswingers..of course it WILL attract the dishonest,the disrespectful,the undignified and those with little or no discretion.

Once we understand and accept that this is the way society has become ( no one individual will change this ) we must learn to adapt and become more selective.

Its simple,,,don't suffer fools or you will become one.

Or not.

I agree it's not acceptable I personally have learned to live with the way it is.We adapt,we ALL have a choice.They're not going to change overnight for you,me or anyone and I have a life to get on with.

I do draw attention to rudeness etc but these people are thick skinned and have no scruples.In fact they bathe in the attention that their ignorance attracts.Let's face it that's all they've got.

And though it maybe hard to bite your tongue sometimes it's best to leave them to tread water or sink,,while we move forward and choose our 'playmates' more carefully.

Its a jungle out there.

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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago

Stoke area

It is not acceptable to be rude and ignorant, and not having an explanation or apology is a pain.

Good to know you had talked on the phone.

I am surprised that a single last would agree to stat overnight with strangers that she had never met before.

Possibly she realised she wasn't happy with the idea and rather than changing plans or backing out, decided to block you. Embarased that she had let you down or worried about the abuse she might receive if she phoned.

Maybe she was a coward and scared , not rude ?

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By *ulfilthmentMan
over a year ago

Just around the corner

"Embarrassed that she had let you down or worried about the abuse she might receive if she phoned. "

Perhaps it says more about the Fab community that people are so scared of the reaction they’ll get that they’d rather block than message if they change their minds.

This happened to me a couple of weeks ago; days of chat, meet arranged and a couple of hours before I’m blocked. A ‘sorry I’ve changed my mind’ would have been fine, but presumably previous experience made this a preferable option.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

As for fabswingers..of course it WILL attract the dishonest,the disrespectful,the undignified and those with little or no discretion.

Once we understand and accept that this is the way society has become ( no one individual will change this ) we must learn to adapt and become more selective.

Its simple,,,don't suffer fools or you will become one.

Or not.

I do draw attention to rudeness etc but these people are thick skinned and have no scruples.In fact they bathe in the attention that their ignorance attracts.Let's face it that's all they've got.

And though it maybe hard to bite your tongue sometimes it's best to leave them to tread water or sink,,while we move forward and choose our 'playmates' more carefully.

Its a jungle out there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now I know its never nice to tell people you have changed your mind but its something that is acceptable to do in life.

We had to tell a lovely couple the other day that they where not for us, it was not nice but its always best to be truthful.

The question I ask is common decency dead in tue world of swinging.

Take today over the last couple of weeks we have been chatting to someone on here. Been getting on well and a meet was arranged.

Spoke to her last night and everything a go. Time set, she was staying over for the night

Boo rushed home from work, house tidied and i fall in from work an hour before the meet.

Great its a go to find that she has now blocked us on fab.

A simple message saying sorry have changed my mind would have been taken with a gracefull ok no problems happy fabbing and have fun.

Why not simply message and say no thanks. Good luck and have fun instead of messing people around and acting in what can only be seen as a childish way"

Sounds like a non runner from the start.

Both rushing home from work says to me no time to shower and chill / get in the mood .

Quick tidy of house ? Fresh bedding would of sounded better.

Staying over sound a bit pressured ....

Just saying it how it comes across ..I'm not criticising. ...

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