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Anxious much

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

So I have been off work since September, next week I go back to work. Only half days and one 1 in the office too.

But I am anxious and nervous about people asking questions about why I have been off.

It’s all to do with stress and depression, and while I am a firm believer in mental health should be something openly discussed I am still nervous about the reaction I will get.

I just hope it’s easy and I get on ok. I can’t actually remember how to do my job though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well done for going back just take your time and I'm sure it will all come back to you once your there as for what to tell people tell them as much or as little as your comfortable with xxx

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By *ringles0510Woman
over a year ago

Central Borders

Wouldn't worry about forgetting how the job's done. That'll all come back to you in no time.

It's really up to you what you want to tell people. Mental health is a big thing just now, it's not a taboo as it used to be and definitely nothing to be ashamed off. Just be aware some people won't get it, but they won't be worth your time anyway.

Good luck next week x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Tell them it's not up for discussion and it's good to be back.

I was a bit annoyed, after having a miscarriage, that so many people knew about it, when I went back to work. I know they were being sympathetic, but I just wanted to forget it and get on with my work.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say you had stuff to sort out but it's good to be back. Whats been happening. That covers a wide range of things. No one should ask any more questions and it deflects the conversation from you x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do none of your colleagues know already why you've been off? If not perhaps your manager (assuming they know) could give them a little heads up before you go back to help reduce that pressure for you.

I had some time off years ago for similar reasons and my boss did just that... my colleagues were very supportive.

Good luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do whatever feels right for you. There’s no “correct” way. And it’s perfectly okay to need to refresh around work tasks, that makes sense and there may be new processes and info since you were last there so it’s proactive and sensible not to assume there’s nothing to re/learn.

Also, it’s worth remembering people will also be nervous about getting it “wrong” with you. Sometimes human are clunky and imperfect in how they communicate. A smile and a thank you and if needed, an I’m nervous but thankful to be back, it’s good to see you...can go a long way to restablishing what can often feel like an insurmountable chasm between you and others, and them and you.

Be gentle with yourself. People are fragile. All of us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

*humans

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They'll be pleased to see you and will take their lead from you. Chin up lovely, i'm sure it'll be fine once tou're there. Maybe take some biscuits in to distract them. Biscuits always go down well in an office and will lighten things up a bit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whatever feels right for you OP.

I can only speak for my workplace, but we tend to be quite open about mental health issues there so there's less prejudice, like I know I can offload about my anxiety and stuff to some colleagues and everyone's supportive of each other, and one of my colleagues had a breakdown just before I started and everyone was very relaxed and supporting of him. I liken it to the fact that I work with several bisexual or gay people and everyone's open about it so there's no prejudice.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You'll get lots of advice here I guess, and much if it will be valid.

Personally? From a supervisors perspective, I'd pop in to see them face to face. Explain you're really happy to be back but for obvious reasons you're feeling anxious.

That shows willing, and also highlights a little assistance to help you is needed. You'll nail it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Serious question OP what about work which made it so long to go back. It seems you were out socialising. My friend has anxiety (and other stuff) and is out and about every day and going nights out but when it comes to work she has this mental block. Not a dig I'm trying to see it from another point of view x

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Serious question OP what about work which made it so long to go back. It seems you were out socialising. My friend has anxiety (and other stuff) and is out and about every day and going nights out but when it comes to work she has this mental block. Not a dig I'm trying to see it from another point of view x"

Do you mean why have I been off so long? Purely down to my psychiatrist, I have had to have a lot of medication adjustments and my memory has take a long time to come back.

A simply test such as taking 7 away from 100 until it wasn’t possibly anymore and I just couldn’t do it until recently

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By *hocolate_HeavenMan
over a year ago

Birmingham and Dubai

It’s a topic close very close to my heart, but I have to keep the brave face day in day out. There are some people so happy to try and trample you when you show any sign of weakness. Stay strong love

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Serious question OP what about work which made it so long to go back. It seems you were out socialising. My friend has anxiety (and other stuff) and is out and about every day and going nights out but when it comes to work she has this mental block. Not a dig I'm trying to see it from another point of view x"

Being out with friends has very little pressure(no bosses), and you don't have to think much, although it can be mentally tiring and uncomfortable. Being at work means pressure, talking to people you don't know well-possibly- and there is no going home when you've had enough. They are different entirely.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Serious question OP what about work which made it so long to go back. It seems you were out socialising. My friend has anxiety (and other stuff) and is out and about every day and going nights out but when it comes to work she has this mental block. Not a dig I'm trying to see it from another point of view x"

You do appear to be taking a dig at people with mental health issues. When I was depressed I stopped socialising completely, and I lost my confidence and my friends. It was a long slog back to recovery.

The OP needs to get out of the house, keep in touch with friends, continue with hobbies. It is normal behaviour.

Do you expect people with depression to live the life of a recluse ???

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Serious question OP what about work which made it so long to go back. It seems you were out socialising. My friend has anxiety (and other stuff) and is out and about every day and going nights out but when it comes to work she has this mental block. Not a dig I'm trying to see it from another point of view x

You do appear to be taking a dig at people with mental health issues. When I was depressed I stopped socialising completely, and I lost my confidence and my friends. It was a long slog back to recovery.

The OP needs to get out of the house, keep in touch with friends, continue with hobbies. It is normal behaviour.

Do you expect people with depression to live the life of a recluse ???

"

My digs aren't that subtle x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Lost at sea after falling from a fishing boat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Serious question OP what about work which made it so long to go back. It seems you were out socialising. My friend has anxiety (and other stuff) and is out and about every day and going nights out but when it comes to work she has this mental block. Not a dig I'm trying to see it from another point of view x"

I think this is a fairly common question that people ask especially in terms of mental ill health as it can be really confusing to watch from the outside. And I think it’s good to ask it as it provides an opportunity for giving insight as to why this can be the case.

How someone’s mental health condition can manifest can be entirely individual, even with the same diagnoses. Different triggers and different limitations.

To simplify (massively), you know how when someone is sad, there are those that would want to be approached and asked if they need support and others for whom that would be the worst possible action to take.

It may be for one person their actual stress trigger or reason for becoming unwell could be the work, the work environment, a relationship at the work or so on, for them being away from that trigger is probably conducive to feeling reasonably well and able to enjoy other areas of life whilst a plan of action to address the work problems is actioned. For others they may have fluctuating periods of wellness and that’s enough to maintain some social sustenance but not enough to hold down work continuously, yet. It may actually be part of their recovery to try and get back out and those feel goods and wins can help build the resilience to return to work. There’s also the fact that work is not everything in someone’s life and just because one area is not going well, should all areas be put on hold?

You never really know what’s going on for someone truly. We make massive interpretations (I do, even when I try not to!) and often get it wrong, or even when we ask we may not be deemed “safe enough” by the other person to tell the reality of how they feel to, or people worry about burdening others.

Also, it can be a symptom/manifestation of some mental ill health to be manically out and socialising, so it may even be a symptom of unwellness - and of course it may even be that someone is lying and playing the system. But I’ll be honest, in the many years I’ve worked in the mental health arena I have rarely come across someone happy to play a system in this way. Most people really want to live to their full capacity and work (and maintaining employment) is often a real identity factor and gives huge feelings of self worth, and is typically not just a means to an end.

I hope that helps.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The ‘take biscuits’ idea is a great one. Your colleagues will be glad to have you back and even gladder if you have food.

I wish you the best of luck. I hope your nerves disappear once you walk through the door. Lots of luck and best wishes xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP - most people are diplomatic and won’t openly ask why you were off. They’d most likely only ask more if you talked about it first. There will be more colleagues who’ve suffered themselves who know someone who has, than you realise.

You’ll soon get back into work and eventually it’ll be like you have never been away. Just take it slow and remember your health is foremost. Hopefully you have a supportive HR who will check that a phased return to work is working for you.

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By *appy squirrelWoman
over a year ago

Norwich

I was off work for a couple of months last year due to depression. I am lucky that I have a great team and I was very open about it. you might be surprised how many people have similar experiences! but it depends how comfortable you feel with your colleagues. no one is going to ask you directly- you brits are way too polite for it

and the job will come back to you. took me a day to get back into all the systems we use- because I had forgotten all my passwords but no one is going to expect you picking up all the work you had before on your first day!! relax and breath!

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