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"I don’t know about other people but for me the answer is no. I’m pretty black and white with this sort of thing, there aren’t grey areas for me. If I’m with someone I’m with them. If there’s a chance that someone else would make me consider cheating then I’m in the wrong relationship and I’d end it before taking up with someone else. " This for me too. I'm a one man woman. | |||
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"Personally I don’t think anyone can be persuaded against their will or without suddenly wanting something extra. I think some people may get caught up in the excitement or adrenaline of a situation but it’s never against that persons will, but may be against their best judgement. People can be persuaded to do many things, some can be very out of character, but usually you are just changing sormeones perception to issues that usually already have " I can see how in certain situations it might 'just happen' before reality kicks in- such as out drinking, or on a work's trip and both staying in the same hotel. | |||
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"I don’t know about other people but for me the answer is no. I’m pretty black and white with this sort of thing, there aren’t grey areas for me. If I’m with someone I’m with them. If there’s a chance that someone else would make me consider cheating then I’m in the wrong relationship and I’d end it before taking up with someone else. " This. And cheating is very different to swinging with informed consent. | |||
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"I don’t know about other people but for me the answer is no. I’m pretty black and white with this sort of thing, there aren’t grey areas for me. If I’m with someone I’m with them. If there’s a chance that someone else would make me consider cheating then I’m in the wrong relationship and I’d end it before taking up with someone else. " Pretty much my point of view too. | |||
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"persuaded against your will is the same as forced is it not??? if you are simply persuaded then its not against your will " Exactly. x | |||
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"Can a person be persuaded to cheat against their will? If the person was happy in their relationship, would they need to be 'guarded' around someone that might tempt them to fuck them? " You make choices in life. You must be accountable for the choices you make, however tempted you feel you were. However, I don’t necessarily hold that feeling the need to be guarded about potential temptation extrapolates linearly to meaning you are unhappy in your relationship. Boundaries and setting them are dynamic and continual choices. And there’s a spectrum of and plethora of reasons for guardedness before it necessarily means you should evaluate if you’re in the right relationship. | |||
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"It’s always a conscious choice" That's my feeling. I have never had the slightest doubt about anyone I was in a relationship with and vice versa - if you are fully committed it is simply not on the table. | |||
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"Personally I don’t think anyone can be persuaded against their will or without suddenly wanting something extra. I think some people may get caught up in the excitement or adrenaline of a situation but it’s never against that persons will, but may be against their best judgement. People can be persuaded to do many things, some can be very out of character, but usually you are just changing sormeones perception to issues that usually already have I can see how in certain situations it might 'just happen' before reality kicks in- such as out drinking, or on a work's trip and both staying in the same hotel. " Agree with all of this, i think you can get caught up in a moment even if your in the happiest of relationships. I have got myself in plenty of situations (not all sexual) then thought some time after what the fuck was I thinking | |||
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"Yes people are open to influence " People are open to influence, but I don't believe they can be persuaded unless they've contemplated it prior and give in to their desire. | |||
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"unfortunately yes Against their will?" initially it would have been against their will, but people can easily be pursuaded or tempted if the opportunity was there, i wouldn’t say it happens in an instant, but someone you see as a friend or work colleague who you’d have not intentions of sleeping with, could be tempted if there was sufficient flirting over a period of time. | |||
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"No, if someone says it wasn’t their fault that they were tempted, they’re trying to abdicate responsibility. We all have our own minds. " Yup. I saw a facebook meme a while back - something like some people are always going to cheat no matter how good they have it, and some are never going to, however bad it gets. | |||
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"Can a person be persuaded to cheat against their will? If the person was happy in their relationship, would they need to be 'guarded' around someone that might tempt them to fuck them? " Yes! Monogamy goes against the human nature of most people, especially men. It takes conscious effort to be successfully monogamous (i found it exhausting trying), people can easily slip back into their natural behaviour. It's rarely a reflection of how happy a man is in a relationship, more so for women. | |||
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"Can a person be persuaded to cheat against their will? If the person was happy in their relationship, would they need to be 'guarded' around someone that might tempt them to fuck them? Yes! Monogamy goes against the human nature of most people, especially men. It takes conscious effort to be successfully monogamous (i found it exhausting trying), people can easily slip back into their natural behaviour. It's rarely a reflection of how happy a man is in a relationship, more so for women. " Like probably most on here im not monogamous. I think the importance is being in an open and honest relationship. Granted a non monogamous relationship maybe be difficult in a world where most people see monogomy as the only relationship model to be and non of the shades inbetween. | |||
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"Can a person be persuaded to cheat against their will? If the person was happy in their relationship, would they need to be 'guarded' around someone that might tempt them to fuck them? Yes! Monogamy goes against the human nature of most people, especially men. It takes conscious effort to be successfully monogamous (i found it exhausting trying), people can easily slip back into their natural behaviour. It's rarely a reflection of how happy a man is in a relationship, more so for women. Like probably most on here im not monogamous. I think the importance is being in an open and honest relationship. Granted a non monogamous relationship maybe be difficult in a world where most people see monogomy as the only relationship model to be and non of the shades inbetween." Most people profess monogamy to the only valid model and then go act out a completely different belief in practice - either serial monogamy or infidelity. I don't think swinging is ideal, it's just the least evil of the three. I do take your point above that we still make a choice. Just because one is biological predisposed towards a behaviour, it doesn't mean they don't choose it (i.e. they do). For me, i felt the energy required to resist it could be put to better use. We probably swing about 5 times a year and that scratches the itch for us, spending 0.3% of our waking life swinging maked the other 99.7% much more satisfying. | |||
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"It's been proven that men are more likely to cheat at home. Women more likely to cheat while away. Women are far more likey to cheat on a girls weekend away or a hen party than a guy is on a stag or weekend away. Men are far more likely to start up an affair with someone at work or a neighbour or something. So I would say both men and women can and will cheat despite being normally reliable if the situation arises. But you shouldn't guard your partner against it, you should just watch to see if they guard themselves against it. If your boyfriend is willing to sit talking to mary the milf about her problems, then something will probably grow from it and "she will kiss him", although he let it happen. If your girlfriend is always off out with the girls, then she will probably eventually cheat, and probably think you don't care cause you are not there with her and dont stop her going on the nights out." | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. " my thoughts exactly | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly " That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games " Depends on if you said you'd only ever watch tv shows and never play video games again. | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games Depends on if you said you'd only ever watch tv shows and never play video games again. " I think it's different. Yes they promised they wouldn't do it, but that promise didn't magically remove their biological urges to do it. Whilst being miserable in a marriage might encourage you to cheat for conscious psychological reasons, being completely happy doesn't entirely discourage you from cheating because there's always the sub-conscious biological urge. | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games Depends on if you said you'd only ever watch tv shows and never play video games again. I think it's different. Yes they promised they wouldn't do it, but that promise didn't magically remove their biological urges to do it. Whilst being miserable in a marriage might encourage you to cheat for conscious psychological reasons, being completely happy doesn't entirely discourage you from cheating because there's always the sub-conscious biological urge. " Good point, I agree. | |||
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"I think there is no answer on this that will ever be universally agreed or proven. We all have our opinions and we all know what they say about opinions. For what it's worth, my 2c is this - Yes, you can be persuaded into it even if you are happy in your relationship and especially if you only perceive yourself to be happy in your relationship because you haven't known a better one. My belief is that this does apply to everyone. The only difference between people in this regard is exactly what it will take. In the same way that a ticket to Mars has a price, even if that price is the NASA operating budget for the next 50 years, everyone has a threshold beyond which their loyalty will falter. The best anyone can hope for is that their partners price is so astronomically high that it won't ever be paid. The position isn't so radically different from the age old question of "are there any women who truly don't do casual sex" the answer is no, there aren't, there are just those who set astronomical standards for doing so. None of them are sending Channing Tatum home to netflix and chill solo. There are definitely aggregate differences between men and women in this regard and the old adage "Men are often loyal but rarely faithful, women are often faithful but rarely loyal" has a kernel of truth to it in general terms. The position of the male in a relationship is usually the more vulnerable, not necessarily to cheating but to replacement, because women are bombarded by opportunity every single day. Only the apex top 5% of men have anything like the ability to passively receive interest that even a below average woman does." I love that, thank you. I don't ever look for 100% agreement in answers. I just like to stir some discussion. | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games Depends on if you said you'd only ever watch tv shows and never play video games again. I think it's different. Yes they promised they wouldn't do it, but that promise didn't magically remove their biological urges to do it. Whilst being miserable in a marriage might encourage you to cheat for conscious psychological reasons, being completely happy doesn't entirely discourage you from cheating because there's always the sub-conscious biological urge. Good point, I agree. " Sex with a long term partner inevitably develops an element of routine. This is not necessary a bad thing, my wife and i both know what each other like so we never really have bad sex. But there's a certain amount of excitement that comes from exploring a new person. You actually need a variance in quality to make future results 'exciting'. This is where is gets really complicated because statistically, people who only ever have one sexual partner have happier marriages and lower divorce rates. We might speculate that they don't crave the excitement of a new person because they have no real baseline to compare two people. However, it's difficult to say because the sample sizes between people with 1 sexual partner and everyone else are so unbalanced that it's difficult to say anything about it with certainty. | |||
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"I think there is no answer on this that will ever be universally agreed or proven. We all have our opinions and we all know what they say about opinions. For what it's worth, my 2c is this - Yes, you can be persuaded into it even if you are happy in your relationship and especially if you only perceive yourself to be happy in your relationship because you haven't known a better one. My belief is that this does apply to everyone. The only difference between people in this regard is exactly what it will take. In the same way that a ticket to Mars has a price, even if that price is the NASA operating budget for the next 50 years, everyone has a threshold beyond which their loyalty will falter. The best anyone can hope for is that their partners price is so astronomically high that it won't ever be paid. The position isn't so radically different from the age old question of "are there any women who truly don't do casual sex" the answer is no, there aren't, there are just those who set astronomical standards for doing so. None of them are sending Channing Tatum home to netflix and chill solo. There are definitely aggregate differences between men and women in this regard and the old adage "Men are often loyal but rarely faithful, women are often faithful but rarely loyal" has a kernel of truth to it in general terms. The position of the male in a relationship is usually the more vulnerable, not necessarily to cheating but to replacement, because women are bombarded by opportunity every single day. Only the apex top 5% of men have anything like the ability to passively receive interest that even a below average woman does." I agree about thresholds, they are also impacted by alcohol and drugs! But are men really more vulnerable? Women's appeal in the dating (not sex) market diminishes rapidly with age and once they have children it drops dramatically. Mens is usually proportional to their resources, which tend to improve with age. | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games Depends on if you said you'd only ever watch tv shows and never play video games again. I think it's different. Yes they promised they wouldn't do it, but that promise didn't magically remove their biological urges to do it. Whilst being miserable in a marriage might encourage you to cheat for conscious psychological reasons, being completely happy doesn't entirely discourage you from cheating because there's always the sub-conscious biological urge. Good point, I agree. Sex with a long term partner inevitably develops an element of routine. This is not necessary a bad thing, my wife and i both know what each other like so we never really have bad sex. But there's a certain amount of excitement that comes from exploring a new person. You actually need a variance in quality to make future results 'exciting'. This is where is gets really complicated because statistically, people who only ever have one sexual partner have happier marriages and lower divorce rates. We might speculate that they don't crave the excitement of a new person because they have no real baseline to compare two people. However, it's difficult to say because the sample sizes between people with 1 sexual partner and everyone else are so unbalanced that it's difficult to say anything about it with certainty. " The stats could be skewed by some other factor. They may be very religious, hence why no other previous partner. And therefore divorce may be frowned on so they feel forced to stay together. Could also be you don't miss what you never had. You make a good point about the sexual compatibility possibly ending up boring. (I know you didn't say that, I'm just thinking along those lines.) As in even good sex might get monotonous. But then it might get mixed up with a quick fuck on the stairs as you get through the door, and another time hours of teasing and slow fucking. | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games Depends on if you said you'd only ever watch tv shows and never play video games again. I think it's different. Yes they promised they wouldn't do it, but that promise didn't magically remove their biological urges to do it. Whilst being miserable in a marriage might encourage you to cheat for conscious psychological reasons, being completely happy doesn't entirely discourage you from cheating because there's always the sub-conscious biological urge. Good point, I agree. Sex with a long term partner inevitably develops an element of routine. This is not necessary a bad thing, my wife and i both know what each other like so we never really have bad sex. But there's a certain amount of excitement that comes from exploring a new person. You actually need a variance in quality to make future results 'exciting'. This is where is gets really complicated because statistically, people who only ever have one sexual partner have happier marriages and lower divorce rates. We might speculate that they don't crave the excitement of a new person because they have no real baseline to compare two people. However, it's difficult to say because the sample sizes between people with 1 sexual partner and everyone else are so unbalanced that it's difficult to say anything about it with certainty. The stats could be skewed by some other factor. They may be very religious, hence why no other previous partner. And therefore divorce may be frowned on so they feel forced to stay together. Could also be you don't miss what you never had. You make a good point about the sexual compatibility possibly ending up boring. (I know you didn't say that, I'm just thinking along those lines.) As in even good sex might get monotonous. But then it might get mixed up with a quick fuck on the stairs as you get through the door, and another time hours of teasing and slow fucking. " It's more cultural than religious, they do control for religious belief in the samples because it's a factor everyone expects to make a difference (but doesn't). You can take China for example, a very unreligious country but some very conservative families when you get out to the countrysides. Likewise: North Korea! | |||
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"I would say if you can be persuaded to cheat then you're not 100% happy in your relationship, because if you were there would be no need to cheat. my thoughts exactly That's like saying that if you were 100% satisfied with TV shows then you'd never play video games " I've never done that either lol! | |||
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"Can a person be persuaded to cheat against their will? If the person was happy in their relationship, would they need to be 'guarded' around someone that might tempt them to fuck them? ." No. If i wos in a relationship with sumone i woodount cheet even if sumone offered to pay me to do it. | |||
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"I think there is no answer on this that will ever be universally agreed or proven. We all have our opinions and we all know what they say about opinions. For what it's worth, my 2c is this - Yes, you can be persuaded into it even if you are happy in your relationship and especially if you only perceive yourself to be happy in your relationship because you haven't known a better one. My belief is that this does apply to everyone. The only difference between people in this regard is exactly what it will take. In the same way that a ticket to Mars has a price, even if that price is the NASA operating budget for the next 50 years, everyone has a threshold beyond which their loyalty will falter. The best anyone can hope for is that their partners price is so astronomically high that it won't ever be paid. The position isn't so radically different from the age old question of "are there any women who truly don't do casual sex" the answer is no, there aren't, there are just those who set astronomical standards for doing so. None of them are sending Channing Tatum home to netflix and chill solo. There are definitely aggregate differences between men and women in this regard and the old adage "Men are often loyal but rarely faithful, women are often faithful but rarely loyal" has a kernel of truth to it in general terms. The position of the male in a relationship is usually the more vulnerable, not necessarily to cheating but to replacement, because women are bombarded by opportunity every single day. Only the apex top 5% of men have anything like the ability to passively receive interest that even a below average woman does. I agree about thresholds, they are also impacted by alcohol and drugs! But are men really more vulnerable? Women's appeal in the dating (not sex) market diminishes rapidly with age and once they have children it drops dramatically. Mens is usually proportional to their resources, which tend to improve with age." Value in the two respective marketplaces definitely arcs differently for men and women over time. That is absolutely true as are the reasons you give for it. Another old adage with a nugget of truth to it "Men age like wine, women age like milk" I would still say that on average men are the more vulnerable all things considered, but the disparity definitely levels out over time, to parity in some cases, even to a reversal in some. It's also about the nature of the vulnerability. What you say about men's resources and value going up over time is generally true, but the social conventions in which we live dictate that men must make the approaches in 99% of cases. Ergo for any vulnerability to exist at all the male must (in general) actively seek an alternative mate. A woman however generally receives interest passively. As Wayne Gretzky said, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Since men have to take the risk of the approach, even if we accept they have more firepower than their partners later in life, a risk/reward analysis will generally disuade them, and this will lead to little practical vulnerability for the woman. Conversely since women receive their interest passively, in theory even if she had 1% of the prospective partners of the male she is still more likely to perceive her options and to therefore be able to act on them. | |||
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"I don’t know about other people but for me the answer is no. I’m pretty black and white with this sort of thing, there aren’t grey areas for me. If I’m with someone I’m with them. If there’s a chance that someone else would make me consider cheating then I’m in the wrong relationship and I’d end it before taking up with someone else. " This absolutely. | |||
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"I think there is no answer on this that will ever be universally agreed or proven. We all have our opinions and we all know what they say about opinions. For what it's worth, my 2c is this - Yes, you can be persuaded into it even if you are happy in your relationship and especially if you only perceive yourself to be happy in your relationship because you haven't known a better one. My belief is that this does apply to everyone. The only difference between people in this regard is exactly what it will take. In the same way that a ticket to Mars has a price, even if that price is the NASA operating budget for the next 50 years, everyone has a threshold beyond which their loyalty will falter. The best anyone can hope for is that their partners price is so astronomically high that it won't ever be paid. The position isn't so radically different from the age old question of "are there any women who truly don't do casual sex" the answer is no, there aren't, there are just those who set astronomical standards for doing so. None of them are sending Channing Tatum home to netflix and chill solo. There are definitely aggregate differences between men and women in this regard and the old adage "Men are often loyal but rarely faithful, women are often faithful but rarely loyal" has a kernel of truth to it in general terms. The position of the male in a relationship is usually the more vulnerable, not necessarily to cheating but to replacement, because women are bombarded by opportunity every single day. Only the apex top 5% of men have anything like the ability to passively receive interest that even a below average woman does. I agree about thresholds, they are also impacted by alcohol and drugs! But are men really more vulnerable? Women's appeal in the dating (not sex) market diminishes rapidly with age and once they have children it drops dramatically. Mens is usually proportional to their resources, which tend to improve with age. Value in the two respective marketplaces definitely arcs differently for men and women over time. That is absolutely true as are the reasons you give for it. Another old adage with a nugget of truth to it "Men age like wine, women age like milk" I would still say that on average men are the more vulnerable all things considered, but the disparity definitely levels out over time, to parity in some cases, even to a reversal in some. It's also about the nature of the vulnerability. What you say about men's resources and value going up over time is generally true, but the social conventions in which we live dictate that men must make the approaches in 99% of cases. Ergo for any vulnerability to exist at all the male must (in general) actively seek an alternative mate. A woman however generally receives interest passively. As Wayne Gretzky said, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. Since men have to take the risk of the approach, even if we accept they have more firepower than their partners later in life, a risk/reward analysis will generally disuade them, and this will lead to little practical vulnerability for the woman. Conversely since women receive their interest passively, in theory even if she had 1% of the prospective partners of the male she is still more likely to perceive her options and to therefore be able to act on them. " Good point, well made | |||
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