FabSwingers.com forum: Deleting

By *tressfree OP Man
over a year ago

Towcester

I know the site says a delete is an indicator of someone being disinterested. But it’s still rude. Aren’t we supposed to be like minded on here? I always send polite replies it’s not difficult. Opinions please.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

[Removed by poster at 03/02/18 09:27:53]

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

I agree but wot can you do.

If people want to delete and not send a reply you carnt make them.

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

[Removed by poster at 03/02/18 09:29:03]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I know the site says a delete is an indicator of someone being disinterested. But it’s still rude. Aren’t we supposed to be like minded on here? I always send polite replies it’s not difficult. Opinions please. "

I used to think it was rude, but that was my ego doing my thinking for me.

Nowadays I'm absolutely fine with having my messages deleted without response. Saves me any more effort or thought wasted on someone who isn't interested in me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To enjoy your fab experience more, you're best off just deleting your sent messages box. You'll never know what happens to them that way. If you get a reply, nice surprising bonus.

People delete them for many reasons.

Too many to answer.

They decided they don't like what they see and don't want hassled by replying.

They just can't be bothered to reply.

Whether you consider it rude or not, it's fabbers way of saying no thanks.

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By *tressfree OP Man
over a year ago

Towcester

"You’re wrong."
why am I wrong?

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

You’re wrong.

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By *aked AngelMan
over a year ago

Hampshire / Surrey

My messages are extremely polite. Despite that, I get deleted without mercy a relevant number or times.

Most people now just read the message and ignore, leaving the message for a few weeks then delete.

I never use the words sex, fuck, meet, nsa etc.

I often send a face pic even if the profile I contact does not require explicitly.

The funny thing is that everyone writes to be gentle, do not send cock pics, and make an effort, but observation of these rules results often in a straight deletion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

women and couples get 100s of messages a day apparently, replying to everyone would take up far too much time that they don’t really have, so they’ll look at the profile first, see it’s crap and they haven’t read their profile and thus delete. take it as a not interested, worry about the ones that do reply.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shaz tried making her own account once to meet a guy to fill a fantasy of meeting someone herself.

She got almost 50 messages in the time it took to write a few words.

She uploaded 3 pictures, within about 1 hour she had many many messages.

By the end of the night she had gained several hundred messages.

She works and only maybe has 1/2 hour spare to read messages, how could she possibly answer them all every night?

Some women/couples get many more.

Don't take it as being rude, its just a fact there isn't enough time for singles and sometimes couples to answer every single message

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

So when you get unwanted take away leaflets (eg) at home, you ring them up and say 'No thank you, I don't wish to take your offers up' or do you just bin it?

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

It's easy for single guys who don't get many messages to say they reply to all messages even if it's a polite no thanks, but put yourself in the position of a lady who may get 30-40 messages, or in some cases a lot more, a day.

For starters to reply to each message at a couple of minutes per message (by the time they've read it, checked the profile of the sender to see if there's an interest and written a reply) is going to take a sizeable chunk of time that could be better spent responding to messages they do receive that interest them.

Then factor in the replies they then get to those messages either with abuse or asking for reasons why etc.

And you start to get a picture of why site FAQs state that no response is an acceptable way of saying "Thanks but no thanks"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My messages are extremely polite. Despite that, I get deleted without mercy a relevant number or times.

Most people now just read the message and ignore, leaving the message for a few weeks then delete.

I never use the words sex, fuck, meet, nsa etc.

I often send a face pic even if the profile I contact does not require explicitly.

The funny thing is that everyone writes to be gentle, do not send cock pics, and make an effort, but observation of these rules results often in a straight deletion."

You could have an awesome opening message, an amazing profile, great pictures, and think you'd be a perfect fit. BUT, if the recipient doesn't feel as though they'd fancy you or feel you're not compatible, it'll go in the bin.

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By *tressfree OP Man
over a year ago

Towcester

I appreciate that s mewly opened profile will get hit hard but after several years it must calm down!

I’m not going to get upset about it but if the look at ones profile they’ve gone beyond just delete everything.

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

In addition to some of the incredibly valid points already raised in this thread, I feel you’ve answered this yourself; the site rules have deemed it as a way of saying no thank you. If you disagree that strongly with the way a site is run then maybe it’s would be less stressful to use a site where the rules state that replying is compulsory?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not rude,replying to every message would be very time consuming. Delete your sent messages & then you won't be tempted to keep checking x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate that s mewly opened profile will get hit hard but after several years it must calm down!

I’m not going to get upset about it but if the look at ones profile they’ve gone beyond just delete everything. "

not at all, my mrs has been on this site for quite sometime now and she still gets over 50 messages a day if she is online

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I appreciate that s mewly opened profile will get hit hard but after several years it must calm down!

I’m not going to get upset about it but if the look at ones profile they’ve gone beyond just delete everything. "

Nope because not every body see's a new member straight away, some females are on here a long time and still get many many messages each day a friend included has been on here 2 years and still get lots.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Hey. Didn't realise this at first but the ladies do get hundreds of messages. I would do the same if it was me because we don't have hours and hours and hours to spend on here

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

We have filters on now so messages reduced. Do reply to most messages even just to thanks for compliment received; but do delete if graphic pics sent in 1st message or hi off black silhoutte/empty profiles

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By *ily_LondonWoman
over a year ago

North London

If someone has clearly read my profile and bothered to write a message specifically to me, not just copied and pasted their usual blurb, I try to send a short reply even if I'm not interested.

I automatically delete messages without face pictures, short 'hi, hru?' type posts or messages that indicate the person hasn't read my profile.

If I message someone I'm not expecting a reply if they are not interested in me. I don't think that's rude, that's just life.

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By *iversong321Woman
over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

I really don't care if it is rude or note. It is in the faq and it's what I do. If that upsets someone with unrealistic expectations then that is not my problem.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Oh thank god. A new thread. I’m so sick of them snog, fuck, avoid ones

OP if you know what the site rules are why are you questioning this? People come on here to use the site how they wish, not for YOUR entertainment.

Most messsges from single guys are shite anyway. Either shite messsges or from guys completely unmatched or unrespecting of what we are looking for.

If you don’t like the time you take trying to find someone on here, hop on over to an escort site. Pick your woman, Make your booking and pay your money.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Hey. Didn't realise this at first but the ladies do get hundreds of messages. I would do the same if it was me because we don't have hours and hours and hours to spend on here "

Don’t have is more likely don’t want to. And why should they. This is supposed to be fun not a feckin admin job for the endless guys that want rejection messages

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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

"To enjoy your fab experience more, you're best off just deleting your sent messages box. You'll never know what happens to them that way. If you get a reply, nice surprising bonus.

People delete them for many reasons.

Too many to answer.

They decided they don't like what they see and don't want hassled by replying.

They just can't be bothered to reply.

Whether you consider it rude or not, it's fabbers way of saying no thanks. "

This is what I do - Fire and Forget.

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By *evaquitCouple
over a year ago

Catthorpe

We will reply to some messages, the type that say 'just wanted say, nice pics, we'll say thanks. However the ones that want to meet or ask if we're available tonight etc etc., obviously haven't even glanced at our profile or they wouldn't be messaging so it doesn't matter how thought out the message is it's a delete until our 'state of play' changes which will be in our profile right at the beginning.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

whys it rude ?

if you get something thru the post you dont like you bin it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Politeness can sometimes cause more headaches Op.

Causing more unwanted pm's

Getting pestered, 'you don't like me then'

'I'm not for you'

Then comes the vulger and abusive messages

So no , over the years...if it's

How are you

What are you looking for from this site/how are you finding the site

Etc etc I generally just delete.

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By *tressfree OP Man
over a year ago

Towcester

Now that an attitude lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

In an ideal world it would be nice to have a ‘thank you but no thank you button’ but we haven’t got that, nearest we have is the delete button or are you talking about a mass delete without even reading (because there is this great button called ‘mark as unread’)

If I was in work and I got about a 100 messages a day I would be expected to answer them that day or the next as I get paid to do it but if I got 100 messages here, I don’t have to read them at all, if say all I see it a profil pic of a cock...delete straight away (which is already a very large chunk gone straight there!) if I see they aren’t my ‘type’ in the profile picture I will delete again.

I’m very sorry that you don’t like the way us women do things round here but if everytime you watched an advert on tv or got a piece of junk mail through and if they didn’t concern you or anything take your fancy you contact the company and say thanks but no thanks? No you wouldn’t you would take a look and see it wasn’t something you were intrested in and put it in the bin.

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personally i dont reply to every message as i dont have to. Just the same as every email, junk mail letter or cold call

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i send people mesages , and delete it before the reciever has even read it , just keeps in n out box clear

i dont see what all the fuss is about

so what your saying is if you were the site owner

STRICT RULES , YOU MUST REPLY TO EVERY MESSAGE YOU RECIEVE

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now that an attitude lol "

Who are you referring to?

It might help if you click the quote and reply...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now that an attitude lol "

As you say OP, you are retired and have lots of free time. Many on here fit this in with everyday life, work and children. They have to skim through mails when they have time

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I delete as if people haven't read my profile .in general if i message someone who has messaged me and I reply thank you sorry but your not my type or what I'm looking for .In passed I have received some nasty message back .so i delete and don't bother getting into a childish conversation .life too short for crap

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now that an attitude lol

Who are you referring to?

It might help if you click the quote and reply...

Me probably lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Now that an attitude lol

Who are you referring to?

It might help if you click the quote and reply...

Me probably lol "

I've just scrolled up.....

Perhaps us women need to hire a secretary then

And I completely agree about mail from people (not just males here) that don't read profiles. It's quite a bugbear of mine too.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I delete as if people haven't read my profile .in general if i message someone who has messaged me and I reply thank you sorry but your not my type or what I'm looking for .In passed I have received some nasty message back .so i delete and don't bother getting into a childish conversation .life too short for crap

I’ve done this in the past too or I’ve tried to be nice and not said thanks but no thanks in the first message but more often than not this leads to so much hope for the guy and the messages I get back soon leads to him getting filthy very quickly so then I have to block. So deleting straight away counter out all that!

Geeky x

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

I frequently delete messages from people who are outside of my age range, can't accommodate, or live 200+ miles away. I don't always have the time to read and reply no thanks to people who can't take the time to read my profile - or otherwise don't care about my preferences.

I'm here to use the site in a way that suits me, not as is dictated by a stranger.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

Man up and don't be such a princess

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By *ystical_InkedBBWWoman
over a year ago

somewhere in the Shire of Derby

When you send a reply some see it as an invitation to carry on messaging. Just easier to delete and move on and others should respect that.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Rudeness is highly subjective. If you think it's rude don't do it to others.

Like minded is one of the most stupid phrases used on here.

You asked for opinions so i'm giving mine and you can choose to be offended or not.

I see you as 'entitled' to this and 'entitled' to that. You think you are entitled to a reply so label those that don't reply as rude.

You've even read the helpful information that says it's a good sign that people aren't interested but you still want to shout rude, from the rooftops.

You can't get a reply so you come in here to drum up support hoping everyone else will shout RUDE.

I think you're rude. I've said it so therefore you are. What I believe is rude is rude. So you are rude.

I'm not rude though.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"I will give you one example....

Mail....Hi, can we chat....photo attached of a bald man, light glinting off his scalp.

I reply POLITELY as you suggest, and say I would not be looking to meet.

He says why not.

I point him to read my profile, (which says I do not meet bald/shaved heads).

He mails again, yes I have, can we chat ?

I reply that my profile does say no bald men.

He replies again, I'm not bald.

I ask if the photo he sent, is indeed him, as the light is glinting off his bare scalp.

He replies, oh yes that's me, but I'm not bald.

I reply again, but there is NO hair.

He replies, that's because I shave it.

I refer him back to my profile that says no shaved heads.

His reply, so you're not looking to chat then...................

Get it now why we don't reply sometimes

It’s idiots like him that make it difficult for the good guys then? "

They don't make it difficult for anyone but themselves - there are plenty of single guys on here that are well thought of, sought after and have a great experience of the site.

The difference between them and those that bemoan lack of replies or engage in the kind of message exchange detailed here? They accept the site FAQs, are considerate and respectful when messaging, accept that they can't possibly be for everyone and have realistic expectations of how the site works

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Geeky x"

Exactly it's awful how a polite reply can turn awful .women put up with lots of crap on here .It's not just men .But men have made us women behave in way most do .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I vote if this post gets to 100 replies we all message the op and see him reply to those within a certain time frame, each message has to be different and explaining the reason why we wouldn’t (well maybe some would of course!) meet him. Just an idea?

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I vote if this post gets to 100 replies we all message the op and see him reply to those within a certain time frame, each message has to be different and explaining the reason why we wouldn’t (well maybe some would of course!) meet him. Just an idea?

Geeky x

Deal

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Geeky x

Deal

I want to but ........ ya know what...... I'm rooooooood.

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By *olden RatioWoman
over a year ago

Buckinghamshire

Geeky x

Interestingly, I was about to suggest similar... the OP deems it rude not to reply to messages but hasn’t responded to every message on this thread

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Geeky x

Interestingly, I was about to suggest similar... the OP deems it rude not to reply to messages but hasn’t responded to every message on this thread"

You'll just have to accept he's not interested.

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Geeky x

I'm in

he's not yet replied to my post either. I should post again asking if he's gone shy maybe. Then again asking if he's there.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Geeky x

Interestingly, I was about to suggest similar... the OP deems it rude not to reply to messages but hasn’t responded to every message on this thread

You'll just have to accept he's not interested. "

But it’s not fair!!!!! It’s rude!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Geeky x

Interestingly, I was about to suggest similar... the OP deems it rude not to reply to messages but hasn’t responded to every message on this thread"

I do find it very rude if a op doesn't reply too all or skips people.it actually pisses me off as i think it's very rude .I see it alot when some women skip other women and reply only too men.just a observation and men do it also but not noticed .

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Geeky x

Interestingly, I was about to suggest similar... the OP deems it rude not to reply to messages but hasn’t responded to every message on this thread

I notice some men don't converse with the comments on here they just respond to the best bodies whatever shit that body is spewing forth.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"women and couples get 100s of messages a day apparently, replying to everyone would take up far too much time that they don’t really have, so they’ll look at the profile first, see it’s crap and they haven’t read their profile and thus delete. take it as a not interested, worry about the ones that do reply."
this

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

King's Crustacean

[Removed by poster at 03/02/18 10:28:39]

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

Each day I exchange about 300 messages on here with existing friends (chatting back and forth) and I received between 10 and 20 messages from new guys. It’s impossible to keep up and I’m sometimes slow to respond.

Try to be chilled and chatty and undemanding. Don't put up status updates moaning about rudeness.

One of the most recent guys I met got in touch when I really wasn't looking for more potential meets. He joked that he'd happily be "potential shag number 31" and then didn't push it but just chatted, made me laugh, didn't chase message responses etc. I started to explore the possibility of meeting him and he was flexible and laid back. This made it easy for me and I didn't feel under pressure. We met and had a great time.

Another guy I really fancied said he'd be laid back but hasn't been. He chases me if I'm slow to respond and sends messages saying just "???" There's no chat anymore and I feel like I should be apologising for not being faster. It's off-putting and stressy (which is a shame because OMFG he's hot and filthy!)

OP - I can understand that it feels crap to be ignored but it's a fact of Fab life, it's usually not intended to be personal, and you need to show yourself in the best possible light despite the deletions.

Best of luck. x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Geeky x

Interestingly, I was about to suggest similar... the OP deems it rude not to reply to messages but hasn’t responded to every message on this thread

I notice some men don't converse with the comments on here they just respond to the best bodies whatever shit that body is spewing forth."

Yes I noticed that but i block them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I delete messages where they are one word (what is the point) I also delete the faf messages the want to meet right now messages (the latter shows they not read my profile) I I also delete messages off of smokers as they have not read my profile. So do u really think I'm gonna sit here and reply with u haven't obviously read my profile because I have done in the past to get I thought I'd try my luck anyways replies.

That is y single women delete without reading to save unwarranted replies or abuae

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"I appreciate that s mewly opened profile will get hit hard but after several years it must calm down!

I’m not going to get upset about it but if the look at ones profile they’ve gone beyond just delete everything. "

I’ve woken up to 26 messages in my inbox. That’s before the day has even started!

Plus, when you send a ‘no thanks’, that puts the person outside your filter if you change it later because you’ve messaged them.

Then there’s the reply messages ‘why not’ ‘what about a social’ ‘can I meet you at the club’ .... progressing to ‘wouldn't fuck you anyway you fat slag’. I know not every guy does this, but I don’t know which category a complete stranger is in!

Unless the avatar is a dick pic (instant delete) I will check the profile first. If that catches my interest, I’ll then read the message. If I’m still interested, I’ll maybe redoing, or mark unread to respond later. If it doesn’t interest me, I’ll delete.

When I first joined, I tried to reply to everyone. It’s just not possible, you physically don’t have the time!!

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

If you feel its rude then that's how you feel, you can't help feeling that way. However it's always going to happen, you're never going to stop it. The only way to make your experience less stressful is by trying to change how you feel about deleted messages and just accepting that's how it is, I'm aware how frustrating it must be.

We do delete messages without replying, the ones from men who haven't read our brief profile, who message me (f) only, the rude ones etc.

We're not all like minded, there are thousands of people on the site we can't all be of one mind.

In short it is what it is, you won't change it and as trite as it sounds your best bet is to change how you react to it.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

Gents, you need to understand that the women/couples you message simply might not fancy you.

OK, so you've read the profile and you tick all the boxes, and your message might be polite, but the bottom line could simply be you don't do it for them.

If they don't fancy you at first glance, it's dead in the water.

Think of it like this...

You're in a crowded bar and a woman takes your fancy, so you give her your best smouldering look, or you wink, or maybe say "Owlright darling".

She's under no obligation to come and formally and politely refuse your advance, or the advances of the 40 other blokes in the bar who also fancy cracking on to her. And she's not being rude if she doesn't.

It's no different here on Fab.

Lads, you need to lose the sense of entitlement many of you mistakenly have when you join Fab. You probably don't have it offline, so why have it online?

And you certainly need to lose the aggression towards women who don't accept your advances. You'd be an arsehole if you abused the woman in the bar, and you're an arsehole if you do it here on Fab.

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By *LIRTWITHUSCouple
over a year ago

Chester

"Politeness can sometimes cause more headaches Op.

Causing more unwanted pm's

Getting pestered, 'you don't like me then'

'I'm not for you'

Then comes the vulger and abusive messages

So no , over the years...if it's

How are you

What are you looking for from this site/how are you finding the site

Etc etc I generally just delete.

Had this the other day from male of couple. I Fi replied chatted a little, then don't you like me, then got pushy for a meet etc - we then got blocked despite politeness. So yes will be deleting more now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gents, you need to understand that the women/couples you message simply might not fancy you.

OK, so you've read the profile and you tick all the boxes, and your message might be polite, but the bottom line could simply be you don't do it for them.

If they don't fancy you at first glance, it's dead in the water.

Think of it like this...

You're in a crowded bar and a woman takes your fancy, so you give her your best smouldering look, or you wink, or maybe say "Owlright darling".

It's no different here on Fab.

Lads, you need to lose the sense of entitlement many of you mistakenly have when you join Fab. You probably don't have it offline, so why have it online?

And you certainly need to lose the aggression towards women who don't accept your advances. You'd be an arsehole if you abused the woman in the bar, and you're an arsehole if you do it here on Fab."

On the Whole of agree.. bar the fancy at first glance bit. At the risk of sounding big headed.. I've turned a few women who aren't keen on beards with my charm

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

" Another guy I really fancied said he'd be laid back but hasn't been. He chases me if I'm slow to respond and sends messages saying just "???" There's no chat anymore and I feel like I should be apologising for not being faster. It's off-putting and stressy (which is a shame because OMFG he's hot and filthy!)"

I loathe this. Have you gone shy? You've disappeared? You've run off! Did I do something wrong etc etc...

No, I"m at work/out and about, I read your message during a 5 minute break and I'm now in the middle of something! It's an instant turn off for me even when I've been excited about someone up till that point.

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

Not sure how many polite 'thanks but no thanks' replies per day you have to send people OP, but I sincerely doubt its even a fraction of the amount most women here would have to send on a daily basis. We constantly get messages from people who don't match our preferences (each one thinking he/she might just be 'the one' we make an exception for), and a certain amount of those people will be the type who won't take a polite decline well (they're usually the ones who have moany status messages about nobody replying or meeting, or this place being full of timewasters). So can you really blame women for simply skipping over people they aren't interested in and avoiding any possible drama?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Gents, you need to understand that the women/couples you message simply might not fancy you.

OK, so you've read the profile and you tick all the boxes, and your message might be polite, but the bottom line could simply be you don't do it for them.

If they don't fancy you at first glance, it's dead in the water.

Think of it like this...

You're in a crowded bar and a woman takes your fancy, so you give her your best smouldering look, or you wink, or maybe say "Owlright darling".

It's no different here on Fab.

Lads, you need to lose the sense of entitlement many of you mistakenly have when you join Fab. You probably don't have it offline, so why have it online?

And you certainly need to lose the aggression towards women who don't accept your advances. You'd be an arsehole if you abused the woman in the bar, and you're an arsehole if you do it here on Fab."

This

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Some people reply, some don't, if you accept this your time on the site will be more enjoyable

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