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Do people still do this ?

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york

As some people who use the forums will know i have had my ups and downs with my elderly neighbour , well we made up at christmas , she died three weeks ago and the funeral is the 8th , they are bringing her body home to the house on the 6th is this still the done thing

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I suppose it's up to the next of kin really whether they hold a private wake.

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"I suppose it's up to the next of kin really whether they hold a private wake. "
They have asked me to sit with her for a while and to be honest i find it a bit creepy x

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By *rouble1110Woman
over a year ago

Cleveland

We brought my Dad home before the funeral and I've known other people do it as well

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Each to their own but it’s not for me... there will be none of that going on in our family.

*shudders*

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"We brought my Dad home before the funeral and I've known other people do it as well "
I saw my dad when he died and to be honest i wish i hadnt xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As some people who use the forums will know i have had my ups and downs with my elderly neighbour , well we made up at christmas , she died three weeks ago and the funeral is the 8th , they are bringing her body home to the house on the 6th is this still the done thing"

Not really the done thing, but it may have been her last wishes or it maybe a cultural or religious thing.

Just explain to the family you don't feel comfortable. To be honest if you're not family they shouldn't have asked really. Imo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose it's up to the next of kin really whether they hold a private wake. They have asked me to sit with her for a while and to be honest i find it a bit creepy x

Well make your excuses then? Jeez some people really cannot make grown up decisions..... What excuse do you suggest i come up with"

Just say that you’re not comfortable doing it. It’s not for everyone and they should respect that x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"As some people who use the forums will know i have had my ups and downs with my elderly neighbour , well we made up at christmas , she died three weeks ago and the funeral is the 8th , they are bringing her body home to the house on the 6th is this still the done thing"

For some families it is.

It'll be difficult but tell them you're not comfortable with it. If you feel able tell them you'll go and pay your last respects but the lady herself isn't going to care.

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"I suppose it's up to the next of kin really whether they hold a private wake. They have asked me to sit with her for a while and to be honest i find it a bit creepy x

Well make your excuses then? Jeez some people really cannot make grown up decisions..... What excuse do you suggest i come up with

Just say that you’re not comfortable doing it. It’s not for everyone and they should respect that x "
Thats what hubby said xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I suppose it's up to the next of kin really whether they hold a private wake. They have asked me to sit with her for a while and to be honest i find it a bit creepy x

Well make your excuses then? Jeez some people really cannot make grown up decisions..... What excuse do you suggest i come up with"

Could you say something like...I'm flattered to be asked with the honour of sitting with......but I would prefer to remember her happy.. smiley.. kind face when she was alive......

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"As some people who use the forums will know i have had my ups and downs with my elderly neighbour , well we made up at christmas , she died three weeks ago and the funeral is the 8th , they are bringing her body home to the house on the 6th is this still the done thing

For some families it is.

It'll be difficult but tell them you're not comfortable with it. If you feel able tell them you'll go and pay your last respects but the lady herself isn't going to care."
Thats what i thought x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just say no...

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"Just say no... "
I just feel like i have been put in an awkward position x

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex


"Just say no... I just feel like i have been put in an awkward position x"

It feels that way to you because its concerned with death and grief and a desire to not upset the family. However you're not likely to see them often. They've asked a question, there are two possible answers they must have considered that you might say no. They have much bigger things to deal with than you not wanting to sit with the lady's body so it's unlikely to be as big a thing for them as it is for you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They still give you the option.

I didn't even go to see my mum in the funeral parlour, and after speaking to my Aunt, I'm glad I didn't. Seeing her body in the hospital bed was bad enough.

If you're not comfortable with sitting there, just explain it to the family. They've got no right to put you on this position really...

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

You could take them some flowers and a card but not look in the coffin.

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york

Thanks for the advice everbody i will just say sorry i will pay my last respects but thats it xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Thanks for the advice everbody i will just say sorry i will pay my last respects but thats it xx"

(((Hugs)))

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just say no... I just feel like i have been put in an awkward position x"

I'm sure you do but it the end of the day and without sounding harsh, it's not your responsibility. I think you have to weigh up what you have to loose by saying no. Or even better just lie and say it goes against your religious beliefs. Either way don't make a mountain out of a molehill. You aren't related and have no moral obligation to go and sit with the deceased. Stop feeling obliged because you aren't.

I cant actually understand why they asked you in the first place?

Tricky for you I agree. But I reiterate just say no x

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"Just say no... I just feel like i have been put in an awkward position x

I'm sure you do but it the end of the day and without sounding harsh, it's not your responsibility. I think you have to weigh up what you have to loose by saying no. Or even better just lie and say it goes against your religious beliefs. Either way don't make a mountain out of a molehill. You aren't related and have no moral obligation to go and sit with the deceased. Stop feeling obliged because you aren't.

I cant actually understand why they asked you in the first place?

Tricky for you I agree. But I reiterate just say no x"
Im going to when i see her today x

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By *iss_Samantha_LovecockTV/TS
over a year ago

bmth /poole sometimes blandford

strange how were so terrified of death in this country ..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"As some people who use the forums will know i have had my ups and downs with my elderly neighbour , well we made up at christmas , she died three weeks ago and the funeral is the 8th , they are bringing her body home to the house on the 6th is this still the done thing"

It’s hugely popular to do that where I live. An Irish wake.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just say no... I just feel like i have been put in an awkward position x

I'm sure you do but it the end of the day and without sounding harsh, it's not your responsibility. I think you have to weigh up what you have to loose by saying no. Or even better just lie and say it goes against your religious beliefs. Either way don't make a mountain out of a molehill. You aren't related and have no moral obligation to go and sit with the deceased. Stop feeling obliged because you aren't.

I cant actually understand why they asked you in the first place?

Tricky for you I agree. But I reiterate just say no xIm going to when i see her today x"

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"strange how were so terrified of death in this country .."
Im not frightend of death , its just after seeing my dad he looked nothing like he did x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've sat with a couple of dead bodies. It's quite peaceful and you might find yourself reflecting as you sit in silence.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff


"As some people who use the forums will know i have had my ups and downs with my elderly neighbour , well we made up at christmas , she died three weeks ago and the funeral is the 8th , they are bringing her body home to the house on the 6th is this still the done thing"

I wouldn't OP I'm glad you made up but I'm sorry she died.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did they ask you to, or ask if you'd like to?

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"Did they ask you to, or ask if you'd like to?"
They asked me if i would x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did they ask you to, or ask if you'd like to? They asked me if i would x"

What did they think they'd get from you sitting with the body?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why don't you just say we made up but she didn't like me in life and I don't want to disrespect her in death?

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"Did they ask you to, or ask if you'd like to? They asked me if i would x

What did they think they'd get from you sitting with the body?"
They said they couldnt be there all the time and didnt want her left on her own x

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By *hatterbox 2Couple
over a year ago

Wakefield

I feel for you like you say they have put you in an uncomfortable position x is there none of their family can do it

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york


"I feel for you like you say they have put you in an uncomfortable position x is there none of their family can do it"
plenty but they didnt see her in life so dont think they will see her in death x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Did they ask you to, or ask if you'd like to? They asked me if i would x

What did they think they'd get from you sitting with the body? They said they couldnt be there all the time and didnt want her left on her own x"

I come across this very often in my line of work, we see the families come in that weve never seen before when their nan or grandad, mum or dad is on their death beds. Sometimes we don’t see any family at all then at the funeral they are all there crying etc and I think ‘you didn’t come and see her when she was fucking alive’!

If it was the ladies wish for her to be at home then they should be the ones making every effort to be there with her, not getting the next door neighbour to go and sit with her, it’s the last thing they can do for her, did they see a lot of her when she was alive?

Personally if one of my residents families asked me if I would I would see it as a bit of an honour and have no problems with it (if they had a legitimate reason why or if they asked me to join them) but that’s because it’s ‘my job’ I guess, I don’t like the thought of any of my residents dying alone or being alone after death but I wouldn’t go and sit with them if it was just a case of it was getting in the way of their life.

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s always been the done thing in my family, I’ve always thought it was normal. If you’re not comfortable with it then just tactfully explain that. Shouldn’t be a big deal seen as tho you’re not family and havnt been the best of friends.

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By *tarbeck OP   Couple
over a year ago

york

She has plenty of family , ok they didnt see her much but surely they can do that for her x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I don’t like the thought of any of my residents dying alone or being alone after death but I wouldn’t go and sit with them if it was just a case of it was getting in the way of their life.

Geeky x"

I wouldn't want anyone to die alone, but they really aren't alone after death. They've already left the building!

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By *alandNitaCouple
over a year ago

Scunthorpe

I might get them to prop me up in front of a prominent window and motorise my arm so I'm waving at passers by.

Cal x

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