FabSwingers.com forum: Catholic guilt...

By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Okay so before you start, I’m not one to talk about religion (just so you’re clear I’m a non-believer) and I don’t really want to enter into a debate on whether religion is good, bad or something else...

I have a friend who was brought up as a catholic but is no longer - hasn’t for a long time - been a practising catholic. However, he seems unable to lose the catholic guilt that is apparently quite common.

Does anyone have any experience of this and do you think it’s possible to condition your brain to lose something that was forced into you from a very young age? Will it ever be something you just don’t feel anymore or will it be something that is with him forever?

Curious agnostic

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

What’s he guilty of?

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"What’s he guilty of? "

Nothing in particular (that I know of!)

it’s just something that’s come up in conversation a couple of times and indeed another old friend has also mentioned it to me as well.

Not being a religious sort I figured I’d throw it out there for discussion. Do you think the reason for feeling guilty is paramount?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes it has been an issue for me too over the years. However a considerable amount of personal development work enabled me to restructure my belief system to exclude that stuff.

I replaced the old disempowering beliefs with more liberating ones.

However it wasn’t an easy ride and needed quite a bit of emotional clearing to help.

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

Yeah! Had a mate and it really screwed him up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guilt isn't exclusive to Catholicism,we all experience guilt from time to time.

Dealing with guilt depends on the individuals strength of mind,apathy and perhaps devil may care attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s he guilty of? "

sex for anything other than procreation within marriage, is a sin in the eyes of catholic faith. It is rammed into them from a young age.

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

"What’s he guilty of?

sex for anything other than procreation within marriage, is a sin in the eyes of catholic faith. It is rammed into them from a young age."

If you'll pardon the expression

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Guilt isn't exclusive to Catholicism,we all experience guilt from time to time.

Dealing with guilt depends on the individuals strength of mind,apathy and perhaps devil may care attitude."

Catholic guilt is exclusive to Catholics though

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I used to meet a strict Catholic, every Sunday he would confess "our" sins. The guilt didn't stop him meeting mind you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I know someone else who uses their Catholic guilt to fuel their masochistic kink as well

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s he guilty of?

sex for anything other than procreation within marriage, is a sin in the eyes of catholic faith. It is rammed into them from a young age.

If you'll pardon the expression

You are pardoned

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

"What’s he guilty of?

sex for anything other than procreation within marriage, is a sin in the eyes of catholic faith. It is rammed into them from a young age.

If you'll pardon the expression

You are pardoned

I'll keep quiet

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I used to meet a strict Catholic, every Sunday he would confess "our" sins. The guilt didn't stop him meeting mind you. "

That sounds like the Irish approach to it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Catholics are always misserable

Its all those confessions

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

Raised by an Irish mother in the catholic faith till i was about 11 and having witnessed the brutality by some of the nuns and male teachers and having been put on detention for daring to question the validity of the 'virgin birth' i turned my back on it..

never had any guilt whatsoever in relation to that or any other faith and how i live, have lived and raised a family..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Catholics are always misserable

Its all those confessions"

Yep I’m a right miserable fucker

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wasn’t bought up strict catholic but still had a religious upbringing to a degree and suffer with the whole guilt thing from time to time. I’m not saying you can get over it completely but I can rationalise what it’s over . X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Whole familys catholic

Most of them are miserable but functioning alcoholics drinking themself to death

Its very sad

I on the other am only a mostly miserable non catholic

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I've known people who have been affected very similarly. In my opinion it is realistic to expect to be able to overcome feelings of guilt etc that arise from early conditioning. We're talking about increasing someone's choices, their repertoire of behaviors and responses that arise whilst experiencing our lives.

It's not about needing to take something away, merely making our other choices consistently stronger over time - whilst many of the cues that we'll get will be outside of our consciousness. We can start by increasing our conscious awareness of much that is ordinarily not conscious, settling in motion processes that can shift our relationship with life.

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Yes it has been an issue for me too over the years. However a considerable amount of personal development work enabled me to restructure my belief system to exclude that stuff.

I replaced the old disempowering beliefs with more liberating ones.

However it wasn’t an easy ride and needed quite a bit of emotional clearing to help."

You see this was the advice I gave him. There surely must be a way to reverse the brainwashing (for want of a better word - no offence intended to the believers amongst us) and allow him a guilt free existence.

I don’t suffer from guilt, I consider it a completely wasted emotion. If you’ve done something wrong then apologise / attempt to fix whatever it is / move on if it can’t be fixed. There’s zero point in beating yourself up for something that’s already happened. I have a logical brain though... it’s pretty straightforward to me which I think is why I don’t really understand it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes it has been an issue for me too over the years. However a considerable amount of personal development work enabled me to restructure my belief system to exclude that stuff.

I replaced the old disempowering beliefs with more liberating ones.

However it wasn’t an easy ride and needed quite a bit of emotional clearing to help.

The belief system is deeply engrained and has to be unfrozen because it was done at such an early age. It seems that those who reject Catholicism before their teens suffer much less. However if that belief system survives adolescence it seems to have stronger roots. It fucks up early sexual experiences which serves to reinforce the beliefs.

I was fortunate that during my 20’s and 30’s I engaged in some upending personal development work that enabled me to deal with all the baggage I was carrying from my childhood.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Okay so before you start, I’m not one to talk about religion (just so you’re clear I’m a non-believer) and I don’t really want to enter into a debate on whether religion is good, bad or something else...

Curious agnostic

If your an agnostic it means you're not sure there's a god or not. If you're a non believer you'd be an atheist.

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Curious agnostic

If your an agnostic it means you're not sure there's a god or not. If you're a non believer you'd be an atheist.

You may wish to revisit the definition of agnostic.

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Any guilty catholics in the day shift?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

My friend was brought up as a Jehovah Witness, her dad was quite high up in the pecking order apparently. Then at 18 she decided it wasnt for her, luckily her parents were supportive.

She told me it took her ages to adjust but you should see her now. Making up for lost time especially when it comes to Christmas and birthdays!!

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I’m catholic Irish. Brought up pretty strict within the realm. Attending a catholic boarding school where it all happened and upon leaving I totally disregarded the Catholic Church and its beliefs that were hammered into me for 18 odd years. Things have changed over the years within the church but the strict morals that were hammers into me Over the years are still evident in many sectors. I have no guilt whatsoever Just hatred to be honest

For me if someone is experiencing guilt I’d love to know why and guilty of what.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was brought up a catholic, my dads irish side, even at an early age i hated going to church, it were only going to be a matter of time before never went to church again. Ive never looked back. If gods forgiving as folk say, I'd just wait till im old on my death bed, then prey. Why waste life now.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I was brought up a catholic, my dads irish side, even at an early age i hated going to church, it were only going to be a matter of time before never went to church again. Ive never looked back. If gods forgiving as folk say, I'd just wait till im old on my death bed, then prey. Why waste life now. "
pray

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By *anetandNickCouple
over a year ago

Ross-on-Wye

It's probably due to not doing Confession regularly.

All of us screw up fairly often, either by doing something we shouldn't have done, or (more often) not doing something we should have done. Understanding this is not so much guilt as a realistic acceptance of ones own imperfections.

Christians deal with that by doing confession, and believe that by owning up and saying sorry, God is always willing to forgive and start afresh.

The RCs do this very formally, but all other Christian denominations do the same sort of thing, in different ways.

Suggest that your friend zooms in & does confession and has a thorough spiritual clearout. You might find him singing "Ave Maria" for a few days but it'll make him a new man.

Janet xxxxxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My friend was brought up as a Jehovah Witness, her dad was quite high up in the pecking order apparently. Then at 18 she decided it wasnt for her, luckily her parents were supportive.

She told me it took her ages to adjust but you should see her now. Making up for lost time especially when it comes to Christmas and birthdays!!

I was brought up a witness, spent over half my life in that cult, after leaving I was cut off by everyone I had known, it takes a while to get over that type of guilt and being shunned by everyone and building new friends but to anyone going through it I can say it’s worth it I have never been happier

Guilt is just a tool used to control people

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Curious agnostic

I refer you to the great Dara O’Brien quote “I’m an atheist but I’ll always be a catholic”

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By *ensualtouch15Man
over a year ago

ashby de la zouch

Curious agnostic

It has been repeated in all religious threads there is no Catholic or Christian doctrine

No one is taught any specific prescription about how to be a Christian or Catholic or Muslim

All people who say they believe have their very own individual and totally unknowable belief that they themselves have created

Thus according to what I am repeatedly told by forum believers the lady is totally responsible for her own perspective and guilt complex ?

I don't however believe this x

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By *rank n BettyCouple
over a year ago

Not meeting

I’m a non-practising Scottish Catholic with a Catholic priest on my maternal grandmother’s side.

I used to go to mass every day before school

I now only go for weddings, christenings (token catholic godparent), Holy Communion, confirmation & funerals

My ex-husbands parents are very involved with the C of E.

My children were christened at my request but not Catholic at his request. Now raising 1 agnostic & 1 very vocal atheist.

I thought I was over the guilt thing - but always go to confession before a funeral so may be not....

B x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was brought up in an Irish Catholic family. I did everything I was supposed to as a kid because that's what my mother, and the rest of my family, wanted. My father, who was brought up Catholic, was an agnostic so he didn't care one way or the other. So I turned out to be an atheist.

I don't really have what people would consider "Catholic guilt" but I did struggle with a certain level of it. I think it came more from feeling guilty for not doing what my wider family approved of rather than guilty in any Catholic/religious sense. I think my immediate family's general ambivalence about religion helped me to not really struggle with the guilt much. But it's still there.....especially when a sibling asks me to be a godmother, or when each of my parents died and we had huge arguments about whether there should be a funeral mass - those types of things.

So, in my opinion, Catholic guilt is more about coming to terms with family approval rather than the religion itself.

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"My friend was brought up as a Jehovah Witness, her dad was quite high up in the pecking order apparently. Then at 18 she decided it wasnt for her, luckily her parents were supportive.

She told me it took her ages to adjust but you should see her now. Making up for lost time especially when it comes to Christmas and birthdays!!

Guilt is just a tool used to control people "

My friend was extremely lucky, I can't imagine leaving all of that behind was easy for many people.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s he guilty of?

sex for anything other than procreation within marriage, is a sin in the eyes of catholic faith. It is rammed into them from a young age.

If you'll pardon the expression

"
just what I was thinking lol.

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By *irtyGirl OP Woman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

So, in my opinion, Catholic guilt is more about coming to terms with family approval rather than the religion itself."

This is exactly what I think too. If you’ve decided that you no longer follow a religion, then it’s surely not God’s approval that you’re after... it’s what the people around you think that matters to you. Which in itself it perfectly normal I guess. I’m just in the camp who doesn’t give a shit about that because I’ve always been a non-conformist. The people who love you will not care either.

Thanks lady... your post made sense to me.

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By *olgateMan
over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Being a catholic is brilliant!

You can get up to whatever naughtiness you want as long as you brag about it to the priest afterwards

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