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"It is a problem. I'm a crap flirt and have confidence issues. I only message those whose forum posts interest me. This in turns can lead to a conversation where I can get to know the lady better. If we seem to click, a friend request may follow. All the ladies on my friend list are hot in my view. Some have even suggested a social. At this point the self doubt kicks in. They can do much better than me. They have done much better than me, etc etc. I can either tie myself up im knots believing I am punching well above my weight, or I can just accept that they like me as a person, irrespective of my own hang-ups about my appearance. There are some on my hotlist that I have yet to build up the courage to message because of the fear of rejection or even ridicule. Overanalysis induced paralysis is not the thing to have on here. I might just start messaging ladies more often. If they don't reply it will be like I didn't message at all, which is where I am now! #confidenceisattractive " Oh crumbs - you are absolutely one of my favourite people on the forums, ID! And, to be fair, you too Rubi. The thought of either of you having confidence issues has startled me. But then, I can be an idiot. I genuinely have an issue with talking to guys on here if I see from their veris that they have gone for ‘slim’ or ‘athletic’ physiques in the past. It’s like a block in my throat that stops me from bubbling over like I usually do. I find myself asking, “Why me?” There was also the douch who asked for a full body photo of me, then blocked me on Whatsapp/fab the second I sent it. That didn’t help. At the end of the day though, I’m up front in my profile about being a big girl and know that if someone is chatting to me then they must be aware of that and don’t care. This place, while it is often trite and sometimes seedy, challenges you in ways you don’t expect. I think I am probably more confident now than I was, and certainly more self aware. Funny old place. *grins* | |||
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"I recently made friends with a really gorgeous guy. We have been chatting and getting on really well. A few days ago he had a meet with an incredible looking woman, younger than me with a perfect body. I'm now not going to meet him because I would feel embarrassed compared to her. I really have become so hung up on things, I'm killing myself with self doubt and it's ruining my Fab experience. I think it stems from events on here in the past, it's knocked my confidence really badly and I don't know how to fix it. Moan over " I wouldn't worry honestly with your figure, good looks and I'm sure ability to chat comfortably you will be fine. Why say no to the meet now, clearly he must have been attracted ..so go on and enjoy | |||
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"I recently made friends with a really gorgeous guy. We have been chatting and getting on really well. A few days ago he had a meet with an incredible looking woman, younger than me with a perfect body. I'm now not going to meet him because I would feel embarrassed compared to her. I really have become so hung up on things, I'm killing myself with self doubt and it's ruining my Fab experience. I think it stems from events on here in the past, it's knocked my confidence really badly and I don't know how to fix it. Moan over " I kniw it's a cliche but beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I've met people who are massively negative about themselves body wise. But they were attractive as a package in my eyes...fun, easy to talk with and likeminded. To compare is surely the worst thing you can do? I really do think you can't firm a prooer opinion until you're face to face. | |||
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"There’s a funny truism about confidence. If you act confidently the more confident you feel. So fake it until you make it. The other trick I’ve found is the voice of your inner critic in your head sort of works like a mental radio, but with clever features. You can turn the volume up and down like a normal radio and switch it off all together. If you want a laugh you can change it’s voice and tone, even make it sound like Donald Duck. Don’t let that miserable fucker ruin how you feel about yourself and take control of your inner radio " I have re-tuned mine to sound like Donald Trump, so now I know it is talking shit | |||
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"There’s a funny truism about confidence. If you act confidently the more confident you feel. So fake it until you make it. The other trick I’ve found is the voice of your inner critic in your head sort of works like a mental radio, but with clever features. You can turn the volume up and down like a normal radio and switch it off all together. If you want a laugh you can change it’s voice and tone, even make it sound like Donald Duck. Don’t let that miserable fucker ruin how you feel about yourself and take control of your inner radio I have re-tuned mine to sound like Donald Trump, so now I know it is talking shit " Great move. You can give him a new hairstyle at the same time - might as well go the whole hog | |||
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"I find that often the women I'm most attracted to can be a bit intimidated or unsure of why I like them. It's most frustrating when the very thing they are most insecure about is the very thing that I find most attractive about them, and convincing them of that is tough going. Us men can be naive too. I've completely ignored some women because I assume they wouldn't be interested due to age, interests, distance etc. We do the same thing. I don't know why Rubidoux turns me down though. She's quite hot. " I told you! Wait til I come home | |||
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"I have absolutely not called things off between us, I'm still more than happy to allow you a big slice of my mediocrity. " I knew you wouldn't let me down x | |||
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"I'm completely ignored due to being an old short arse." I'm screwed too then lol | |||
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"I'm completely ignored due to being an old short arse. I'm screwed too then lol" Ssshhhh we don't speak to him | |||
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"I recently made friends with a really gorgeous guy. We have been chatting and getting on really well. A few days ago he had a meet with an incredible looking woman, younger than me with a perfect body. I'm now not going to meet him because I would feel embarrassed compared to her. I really have become so hung up on things, I'm killing myself with self doubt and it's ruining my Fab experience. I think it stems from events on here in the past, it's knocked my confidence really badly and I don't know how to fix it. Moan over I wouldn't worry honestly with your figure, good looks and I'm sure ability to chat comfortably you will be fine. Why say no to the meet now, clearly he must have been attracted ..so go on and enjoy " It's too late now. I've unfriended him. | |||
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"I recently made friends with a really gorgeous guy. We have been chatting and getting on really well. A few days ago he had a meet with an incredible looking woman, younger than me with a perfect body. I'm now not going to meet him because I would feel embarrassed compared to her. I really have become so hung up on things, I'm killing myself with self doubt and it's ruining my Fab experience. I think it stems from events on here in the past, it's knocked my confidence really badly and I don't know how to fix it. Moan over I wouldn't worry honestly with your figure, good looks and I'm sure ability to chat comfortably you will be fine. Why say no to the meet now, clearly he must have been attracted ..so go on and enjoy It's too late now. I've unfriended him. " could always try again, shame really as getting to chat and get on well is an achievement in itself | |||
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"I'm completely ignored due to being an old short arse. I'm screwed too then lol Ssshhhh we don't speak to him " Oh ok.... consider me shhhhhed | |||
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"I still want you Rubi Youre out of my league " And you're on my hotlist | |||
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"Yep. I have grown to recognise that others can recognise things in me and feel attracted to me in ways I hadn’t imagined. Over recent years I’ve closed the gap in the windows of how others see me and how I see myself and I’m far more self accepting..." Exactly this. I wouldn't go as far as to say I am humorously self-deprecating though; I happen to think I am fairly attractive (in my personal aesthetic view) despite my many physical flaws (or what I perceive/think the bulk of society perceives to be flaws) and just assume at some point I will encounter those who apparently agree with my self analysis so we can have a rollicking good sexy time. As long as that someone sees the more candid pics and my face so they can make their own aesthetic judgement first. | |||
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"Yep. I have grown to recognise that others can recognise things in me and feel attracted to me in ways I hadn’t imagined. Over recent years I’ve closed the gap in the windows of how others see me and how I see myself and I’m far more self accepting... Exactly this. I wouldn't go as far as to say I am humorously self-deprecating though; I happen to think I am fairly attractive (in my personal aesthetic view) despite my many physical flaws (or what I perceive/think the bulk of society perceives to be flaws) and just assume at some point I will encounter those who apparently agree with my self analysis so we can have a rollicking good sexy time. As long as that someone sees the more candid pics and my face so they can make their own aesthetic judgement first." Last time I was on Fab (several years back) you gave me a real confidence boost. We never met or anything but your kind words got me through a very down patch x I remain eternally grateful. | |||
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"Yep. I have grown to recognise that others can recognise things in me and feel attracted to me in ways I hadn’t imagined. Over recent years I’ve closed the gap in the windows of how others see me and how I see myself and I’m far more self accepting... Exactly this. I wouldn't go as far as to say I am humorously self-deprecating though; I happen to think I am fairly attractive (in my personal aesthetic view) despite my many physical flaws (or what I perceive/think the bulk of society perceives to be flaws) and just assume at some point I will encounter those who apparently agree with my self analysis so we can have a rollicking good sexy time. As long as that someone sees the more candid pics and my face so they can make their own aesthetic judgement first. Last time I was on Fab (several years back) you gave me a real confidence boost. We never met or anything but your kind words got me through a very down patch x I remain eternally grateful." I love hearing things like that | |||
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"This whole attraction malarkey is a very tough thing for me to feel comfortable with due to - like so many others have cited - stuff which has gone on in the past. Because of that, I've spent the vast majority of my adult life feeling ugly to the extent that for many years I literally couldn't look at myself in a mirror without feeling repulsed and upset at my reflection. Thankfully I don't have such an extreme reaction to my looks now but I still carry that legacy of very little self esteem, which is further exacerbated by being dreadfully socially awkward. And of course, even leaving aesthetics aside, I appreciate that having a healthy amount of confidence is very attractive to most people and my lack of it could have the opposite effect. So far as others on Fab are concerned I admit I'm often very cynical about their interest in me - how much real attraction is there, vs how much I'm 'attractive' in the particular moment they contact me. I don't know how to get out of that mindset (because I do appreciate it's actually somewhat insulting to presume to know someone else's mind better than they do) other than to try to reassure myself via the way they write (showing interest in me, respect and thoughtfulness for example rather than jumping straight into what they want to do to me which makes me feel as if any old female would do!). I admit that in the past I've backed away from a number of contacts because I didn't understand how/why they could be interested in me and I feel ashamed of that because potentially they might have ended up thinking I didn't find *them* attractive! When in fact I felt 'intimidated' by their good looks and popularity And though repeat meets, logically, should speak for themselves I still find it amazing when they've happened for me. The most ridiculous thing is that when I write all that down I feel embarrassed and stupid. " Please don't feel embarrassed or stupid, a lot of what you have said resonates with me and probably a few others too. And personally, i think you take lovely pics and have a stunning figure. | |||
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"I’ve been talking to a guy on here I’d say about a year and he keeps asking to meet and I refuse because I think he’s way out my league and I don’t want to embarrass myself. It’s a sin because we get on like a house on fire but I just can’t allow myself to go to that next step. " What have you got to lose? He may not think he's out of your league. | |||
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"I’ve been talking to a guy on here I’d say about a year and he keeps asking to meet and I refuse because I think he’s way out my league and I don’t want to embarrass myself. It’s a sin because we get on like a house on fire but I just can’t allow myself to go to that next step. What have you got to lose? He may not think he's out of your league." My sentiments exactly and I apologise for borrowing them. But if this chap has been talking to you for a year, you have refused to meet in the past and yet he still chats to you. I think that tells you everything. Go for it, I suspect you will be happy with the result. If all you want from the frienship is chit chat then leave it as it is. | |||
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"I’ve been talking to a guy on here I’d say about a year and he keeps asking to meet and I refuse because I think he’s way out my league and I don’t want to embarrass myself. It’s a sin because we get on like a house on fire but I just can’t allow myself to go to that next step. What have you got to lose? He may not think he's out of your league. My sentiments exactly and I apologise for borrowing them. But if this chap has been talking to you for a year, you have refused to meet in the past and yet he still chats to you. I think that tells you everything. Go for it, I suspect you will be happy with the result. If all you want from the frienship is chit chat then leave it as it is. " I suppose a coffee wouldn’t hurt. | |||
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"I know I'm not attractive so it's as easy as fuck for me whatever age men are.... " attraction to me is that persons personality that's attraction to me | |||
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"I’ve been talking to a guy on here I’d say about a year and he keeps asking to meet and I refuse because I think he’s way out my league and I don’t want to embarrass myself. It’s a sin because we get on like a house on fire but I just can’t allow myself to go to that next step. What have you got to lose? He may not think he's out of your league. My sentiments exactly and I apologise for borrowing them. But if this chap has been talking to you for a year, you have refused to meet in the past and yet he still chats to you. I think that tells you everything. Go for it, I suspect you will be happy with the result. If all you want from the frienship is chit chat then leave it as it is. I suppose a coffee wouldn’t hurt. " Do it. | |||
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"I recently made friends with a really gorgeous guy. We have been chatting and getting on really well. A few days ago he had a meet with an incredible looking woman, younger than me with a perfect body. I'm now not going to meet him because I would feel embarrassed compared to her. I really have become so hung up on things, I'm killing myself with self doubt and it's ruining my Fab experience. I think it stems from events on here in the past, it's knocked my confidence really badly and I don't know how to fix it. Moan over " Everyone is diff what floats ones boat won’t float the others it’s simple. We are all as good looking as the next person don’t get hung up on perceived beauty that is pushed upon you by others. | |||
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