FabSwingers.com forum: Annoying status updates...

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”

Use the message filters and get over yourselves.

“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”

Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.

“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”

Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.

Add your annoyances...

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By *lackbird1000Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

Mass deletion sorry guys !

I am in hospital will keep you informed !

Have a 5 days loads any takers !

Suck and go!

I want to lick pussy now !

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“Mass deletion” is a good one, ha!

Also... “Having a friends clear out”

Well done guys, cool story. Must suck having so many friends.

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By *lackbird1000Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"“Mass deletion” is a good one, ha!

Also... “Having a friends clear out”

Well done guys, cool story. Must suck having so many friends. "

If you are in my friend list and we don't meet with a month! You will be deleted !

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

"Closing my account Friday"

Why wait? Nobody cares!

"Lady required to keep my hubby company while i work"

Yeah sure

*single fella posing as a Couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Statuses that sat who can come pick me up and take me home or one I saw a couple of weeks ago saying that their profile had been hacked and was going to set a new one up but they haven't

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

""Closing my account Friday"

Why wait? Nobody cares!

"Lady required to keep my hubby company while i work"

Yeah sure

*single fella posing as a Couple

Hahaha! Yeah, deffo these two.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“All the women on here are Fridged”

Erm, no they just don’t want to sleep with you.

“Does anyone on here actually meet?”

Yes.

“Any bi females want to meet on Friday?”

Yes, just give me the address.

“I’m so horny for you, I can’t forget last night”

Then I woke up.

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By *lackbird1000Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

My membership will finish tomorrow ,last chance to have faith on this site!!! Something on those lines !!!

Anyone genuine on here?

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By *ames1763Man
over a year ago

Aberdeen

Wait lets start from this point, the ladies that say they get messages that upset them, my question is when you joined the site, what were you actually looking for?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

There’s one woman on here who constantly posts about how much in love she is with her boyfriend, lol!

It’s like a besotted teenager’s Facebook status. Makes you question her mental health and if this boyfriend even exists...

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"There’s one woman on here who constantly posts about how much in love she is with her boyfriend, lol!

It’s like a besotted teenager’s Facebook status. Makes you question her mental health and if this boyfriend even exists...

There are a lot of people on Fab whose reasoning and motives are dubious.

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

I'm going to so and so look out - Why what's going to happen? Your going to have a drink and spill ya chips and curry sauce that's all.

Then another reminder for us: Things are going to get messy he he.

Yep, I bet you leave your chips on the floor instead of picking them up.

You know who you are - here you go have a medal, you've been in boxing him before, probably after aswell.

Blah de blah moan moan your getting blocked - he can no longer read this status.

Looking for a well muscled, handsome, toned god of a bloke - even though I'm a minger.

Where have all the nice men gone - you get out what you put in.

Going shopping - Tell facebook

Why do men.......? - your not interested when you get told through a message.

just done 40 minutes in the gym - wait there I'm printing you a certificate.

Any kind of repeat of a message they don't like - we are sorry about what happened behind closed doors, but we don't really care.

Guys, put some effort in, I want to be spoiled - don't take the piss it's a two way thing.

If you message send a face pic - where's yours? 99% of the time the message gets deleted.

Looking for a sugar daddy.

Skint and available - Well if you want to suck my cock I'll pay my own petrol.

I could go on, they are my biggest gripe

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“All the women on here are Fridged”

Fridged? I thought that only happens when you die

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"“All the women on here are Fridged”

Fridged? I thought that only happens when you die

You open them up and the light comes on.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“All the women on here are Fridged”

Fridged? I thought that only happens when you die

You open them up and the light comes on."

COLD hearted bitches, the lot of 'em

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“All the women on here are Fridged”

Fridged? I thought that only happens when you die

You open them up and the light comes on."

Did someone mislay a torch ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

“Not meeting at the mo. Women’s problems.”

Thanks for that info.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’re genuine, are you?

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By *hatYorkLadMan
over a year ago

York

"Party at....... this weekend, who wants to give me a lift"

Learn to drive or catch a bus.

"Home early want ma pussy licked"

You look like you stink.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”

Use the message filters and get over yourselves.

“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”

Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.

“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”

Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.

Add your annoyances..."

OP this has genuinely made me laugh!

Especially point 3

MrsK x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”

Use the message filters and get over yourselves.

“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”

Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.

“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”

Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.

Add your annoyances..."

“This site isn’t full of ignorant people”

Na....you’re just a fanny!

“Met the one....just chatting!l”

Umm get off fab then!!!

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

"“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”

Use the message filters and get over yourselves.

“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”

Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.

“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”

Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.

Add your annoyances...

“This site isn’t full of ignorant people”

Na....you’re just a fanny!

“Met the one....just chatting!l”

Umm get off fab then!!!"

How about:

‘Met the one....just chatting

Faf?’

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Thanks for last night, year etc - you don't know who you are (you don't exist).

Is the woman next door begging me for it!? (A restraining order).

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"Wait lets start from this point, the ladies that say they get messages that upset them, my question is when you joined the site, what were you actually looking for?"

Not those kind of messages evidently.

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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Thanks for last night, year etc - you don't know who you are (you don't exist).

Is the woman next door begging me for it!? (A restraining order).

He he I like these

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My membership runs out tonight anybody want to buy a new one for me!!

No stop being a scratter and buy it yourself you did the first time grrr

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By *xyzptlk088Man
over a year ago

Galway

"You definitely won't be disappointed " peeps verifying someone after seeing them on cam. How the fuck do you know what does or does not disappoint me?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thank you for a mind blowing time. You know who you are.

If they know who they are, why are you telling them. Surely you would have said it to them in person.

Mother Nature is a bitch.

Thanks just what I need when I’m eating my corn flakes.

Ran out of messages. Will reply tomorrow.

Stop being a tight c#*t and pay the £5.

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By *irenGuy70Man
over a year ago

Cirencester

"Sorry guys, I've run out of messages - anyone want to sub me?". Ummm, no.

"Female not playing at the mo, but male has a seriously hard cock that needs sucking - any offers?". Look at that queue forming!

Anyone that is asking for drugs.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Need to unload... anyone wanna suck my dick?"

And, my ultimate gripe.....

"Me and two more lads B29 area anyone wanna meet got sniff and smoke, will treat you real good"

EWWWWWW just NO!

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By *igJandTheBlondeCouple
over a year ago

Kings Hill

“Need to blow my load” urggghhhh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“420”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I like the statement on a veri.

‘Treat this one(lady) with respect’

How should you treat people otherwise ?

And ‘this one’ !?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Does anyone actually meet here.

Bored ...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Keep fabbing my pics and I will put more up soon!! Get over yourself

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By *imply_SensualMan
over a year ago

Widnes

"Thanks for last night, year etc - you don't know who you are (you don't exist).

Is the woman next door begging me for it!? (A restraining order).

He he I like these

I like the "you know who you are...| ones too - yeah love, so does everybody else because underneath

"[profile] published a new verification"

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By *ornylittlesubWoman
over a year ago

Grangemouth

Yea defo the "you know who you are..." ones...and ANY kinda Facebookesk(it SHOULD be a word) shit...who gives a fuck what yer having for dinner/watching on telly/going to see/state your in.....bla de fkin bla......And breath.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Male half with wife's permission to play alone"

"Not meeting just chatting"

"No face pic with first message means instant delete"

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By *ournemouthbusinessguyMan
over a year ago

Bournemouth

'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'

next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'

next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'

next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'

next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Does anyone actually meet here.

Bored ..."

I'm still going through the induction process.........

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

"Tantric sex this afternoon anyone?"

because its entirely possible to achieve this with a complete stranger

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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago

Slough Windsor ish

"Qualified masseuse/photographer available blah blah blah"

We clearly have a very qualified membership here perhaps the sites advertised in Massage Monthly or Photographers Friend?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Im quite good at being annoying without advertising it on a status...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'

next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'

next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'

next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'

next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'

next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'

next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'

next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'

next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'

"
next day all of the above..

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

I love all of these updates they don't annoy me, they make me laugh, and it would be pretty dull without them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I love all of these updates they don't annoy me, they make me laugh, and it would be pretty dull without them

"
glad we are making our lives lively..

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By *uteLittleGeekWoman
over a year ago

Somewhere

"I love all of these updates they don't annoy me, they make me laugh, and it would be pretty dull without them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

When I first joined fab, over a year ago, there was a woman that was leaving every other day.. Now that I'm back, one year later, she's still leaving every other day!?

JUST GO ALREADY!!!!

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By *hamboy69Man
over a year ago

huddersfield

Just deleted all my inbox just too overwhelming to plough through

Obviously a popular lady

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If they know you're straight they'll still change they're arm just like we all change girls that not looking single men it's just hoping someone might she ahh he's nice I'll try it once

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Too many messages to answer, had to mass delete" - feck aff

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always see the same person in my local updates with statuses like

“Not meeting right now”

Or “moving away” they are still there though lol

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

Does nobody meet! It's supposed to be a sex site!!! To those meeting me at Greggs today, I hope you struggled on your sausage rolls - 10 meet no shows in an afternoon. Why do I bother! Still horny if anybody - no offers refused - wants it. Genuine only, not hard-up.

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By *ighland_RoseCouple
over a year ago

Brigadoon

"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'

next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'

next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'

next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'

next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'"

I think I know this person!

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By *ournemouthbusinessguyMan
over a year ago

Bournemouth

"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'

next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'

next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'

next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'

next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'

I think I know this person!"

ha ha well its one of my favourite things to look out for on FAB, i missed out the ' this site is not for me' at least once a week lol

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

Best one I've seen on my local updates was " have met a guy who I want to have sex with , can anyone accommodate us next Tuesday "

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By *ardiffCoupleNJCouple
over a year ago

Pontypridd/Rhyfelin

'wont show pics because of my job'

Cearly means: 'I am so recognisable that even without showing my face the world will know who I am'. Hmmm, that or simply too lazy to take & edit a few photos.

'Hope you like my profile'

but has no pics...erm, you really expect a reply?

'Hope you like my profile'

but has only one grainy cock pic...erm, you really expect a reply?

'Hope you like my profile'

but has only two grainy cock pics...erm, you really expect a reply?

'Hope you like my profile'

but has only three grainy cock pics...erm, you get the picture.

Well maybe not.....!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"

Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."

( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )

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By *ryst In IsoldeWoman
over a year ago

your imagination

"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"

Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."

( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )

Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

“Sick of being skint” type ones get on my tits, or “need wine and fags” is another one. I’m sure there are more that annoy me. Also people asking for fabs, fyi, they mean fuck all if you have to ask for them

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"

Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."

( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )

Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit

Snortling into coffee is what pretty much produces my username

( that now sounds worse than i expected it to !!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

'Fab my pics'

100 public photos, been on over a year with not 1 verification. Yeah your not here for titillation

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Just seen this one in my local updates

" Whoever brings me a KFC... I'll love your forever." buy ur own damn kfc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm going to so and so look out - Why what's going to happen? Your going to have a drink and spill ya chips and curry sauce that's all.

Then another reminder for us: Things are going to get messy he he.

Yep, I bet you leave your chips on the floor instead of picking them up.

You know who you are - here you go have a medal, you've been in boxing him before, probably after aswell.

Blah de blah moan moan your getting blocked - he can no longer read this status.

Looking for a well muscled, handsome, toned god of a bloke - even though I'm a minger.

Where have all the nice men gone - you get out what you put in.

Going shopping - Tell facebook

Why do men.......? - your not interested when you get told through a message.

just done 40 minutes in the gym - wait there I'm printing you a certificate.

Any kind of repeat of a message they don't like - we are sorry about what happened behind closed doors, but we don't really care.

Guys, put some effort in, I want to be spoiled - don't take the piss it's a two way thing.

If you message send a face pic - where's yours? 99% of the time the message gets deleted.

Looking for a sugar daddy.

Skint and available - Well if you want to suck my cock I'll pay my own petrol.

I could go on, they are my biggest gripe

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

“Need a woman to take me to a club” - actually you need a pair of balls.

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By *arksMan
over a year ago

in the centre

It's quite quiet on my local updates today

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"

Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."

( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )

Lmao!!

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"

Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."

( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )

Kin ell. More incursions than helmand. Haha

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"Just seen this one in my local updates

" Whoever brings me a KFC... I'll love your forever." buy ur own damn kfc"

In fairness that sounds a reasonable offer lol

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By *carlettxWoman
over a year ago

Essex

"Mass deletion sorry guys !

I am in hospital will keep you informed !

Have a 5 days loads any takers !

Suck and go!

I want to lick pussy now ! "

The 5 days load always makes me gag Haha

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Anything that comes across as 'woe is me', 'please give me a sympathy fuck'.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Who fancies a fuck in the woods?

Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Looking for a well muscled, handsome, toned god of a bloke - even though I'm a minger.

Think I might try this one

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By *izzy RascallMan
over a year ago

Cardiff

"Who fancies a fuck in the woods?

Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods."

I wouldn't go down there today, at a guess you'd be in for a suprise.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

just read from a guy within a mile of me

thanks that was amazing, you know who you are

tosser

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Single guy: Wow, thanks for last night never had a woman cum on my cock before.

(no verifications, not photo verified, silhouette profile pic, profile reads 'will fill in later bitches')

Single Female: Mother nature's being cruel. Not meeting today

(Thanks, for telling me, I was going to come and sift your menstrual clots through my teeth, but not to worry)

Couples: Fantastic meet with a hot sexy woman last night.. You know who you are!

(yes, I know who I am, but who is the female you met? After all you clearly want her known or you wouldn't feel the need to enlighten us that you met her)

T.V's:Sucked the biggest cock ever and took a huge load in my ass.

(Great, but if I need anything moving I'll phone DHL or UPS)

You have to laugh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who fancies a fuck in the woods?

Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods.

I wouldn't go down there today, at a guess you'd be in for a suprise."

lol

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By *lackbird1000Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Single guy: Wow, thanks for last night never had a woman cum on my cock before.

(no verifications, not photo verified, silhouette profile pic, profile reads 'will fill in later bitches')

Single Female: Mother nature's being cruel. Not meeting today

(Thanks, for telling me, I was going to come and sift your menstrual clots through my teeth, but not to worry)

Couples: Fantastic meet with a hot sexy woman last night.. You know who you are!

(yes, I know who I am, but who is the female you met? After all you clearly want her known or you wouldn't feel the need to enlighten us that you met her)

T.V's:Sucked the biggest cock ever and took a huge load in my ass.

(Great, but if I need anything moving I'll phone DHL or UPS)

You have to laugh

"
so fucking funny ! Spat my drink!!! Lol

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By *lackbird1000Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Mass deletion sorry guys !

I am in hospital will keep you informed !

Have a 5 days loads any takers !

Suck and go!

I want to lick pussy now !

The 5 days load always makes me gag Haha

Hot picture about the way ! Yes this is a joke sometimes ! Xx

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By *lackbird1000Woman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"“Need a woman to take me to a club” - actually you need a pair of balls. "
lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Free now. Can I come round and have a cuppa and biscuits at yours?

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By *sRedbbwWoman
over a year ago

Amwythig

"Who fancies a fuck in the woods?

Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods."

Thought this was me for a moment, then realised I don't drive so usually find a guy I trust to take me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Who fancies a fuck in the woods?

Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods.

Thought this was me for a moment, then realised I don't drive so usually find a guy I trust to take me

Lol

There's a big difference between finding a guy you trust to take you, than reading it on the news feed on here.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"

Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."

( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )

Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit

Snortling into coffee is what pretty much produces my username

( that now sounds worse than i expected it to !!)"

You've probably made a huge boost to her squadsie shags now - they'll all be searching her out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"

Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."

( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )

Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit

Snortling into coffee is what pretty much produces my username

( that now sounds worse than i expected it to !!)

You've probably made a huge boost to her squadsie shags now - they'll all be searching her out."

See ? This is how the germans nearly caught us out years ago..maybe our defences were lowered as our nations armed forces pants followed suit..maybe her mam was a closet sympathiser for the reich and this was her idea of " undercover " espionage

( sorry..i may be getting this confused with an alistair maclean novel.. )

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