FabSwingers.com forum: How men treat and speak to women on fab

By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

It is totally unacceptable to message women in ways that gaslight them, try to pressure and coerce them into meeting you or to pretend as though you've already met them previously as an attempt of gaining trust.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

It's also totally absurd and disgraceful to message a woman and ask if she is an escort or prostitute. There are other websites for men to use where you can find escorts. This is a swingers website and women should feel safe, comfortable and able to participate fully.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's true. Unfortunately the men who should be reading this, won't be.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"It's true. Unfortunately the men who should be reading this, won't be. "

*sigh* it's a real shame. But I needed somewhere to vent.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

And the oscar goes too............

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

Men be nice

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago

Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro

Well well...Ive not experienced this myself.

Some great guys on here

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

Flagrante

The vast majority of men are lovely on here....the odd idiot gets blocked....simples.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is getting worse the mesaages off men who show no respect towards women .I think it's the same on fab as it is in life .Just notice it more on fab .

Men lost the art of flirt and seduction .go straight to faf .lads it doesn't work that way .(Doesn't with me or friends I have .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That's not every woman's experience of fab. You don't need to rant on behalf of those of us perfectly capable of looking after ourselves without whinging to the big protective men to look out for us. Thanks all the same though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes putting himself up for an Oscar..but really a lot of guys have not got a clue how to chat to and respect wemon, I blame unsocial media as this generation are starting to forget there is a real person on the screen..

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some on here are twits but not all. I activate the block button and bingo...they're gone. It's stressful than trying to change the behaviour of folk who don't recognise that they are being knobbers.

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

The guys that use the forums (apart from the odd troll) don’t act like that anyway so you’re preaching to the converted and they are probably all a bit fed up of being tarred with the same brush

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Some on here are twits but not all. I activate the block button and bingo...they're gone. It's stressful than trying to change the behaviour of folk who don't recognise that they are being knobbers."

Less stressful that should read

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Hmmm what's next on XTREME-whiteknighting? I literally can't wait to find out what's gonna make the poor love vent next.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"That's not every woman's experience of fab. You don't need to rant on behalf of those of us perfectly capable of looking after ourselves without whinging to the big protective men to look out for us. Thanks all the same though "

That isn't what this post is about. But thank you as ever for such a helpful comment as it allows me to clarify;

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm always respectful to women.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"Hmmm what's next on XTREME-whiteknighting? I literally can't wait to find out what's gonna make the poor love vent next.

*look at me and how super masculine I am talking about 'whiteknighting' and using alt-right terminology because I want to dismiss the seriousness of the issue with comical nonsense that personally attacks the OP*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That isn't what this post is about. But thank you as ever for such a helpful comment as it allows me to clarify;

This is a subject that men should be discussing with each other and it is right for other men, such as myself, to raise the issue with fellow men and to challenge one another to change our behaviours and be more respectful and thoughtful. "
why? Genuine question? Why poke your nose in other's business? Why not just let them crack on? If they are knob heads I doubt they'd take the slightest bit of notice of some other guy pointing out the mistakes they're making? You clearly have too much time on your hands.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's true. Unfortunately the men who should be reading this, won't be. "

Fact

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

How men treat women????? Yeah, I'm sure the majority of men here all do this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Dont be taring me with that brush im only a cunt if spoken to like one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All very admirable sentiments and all fair minded and sensible people will concur.

However I fear you’re wasting your breath as this is just another vent of the spleen to go with the thousands of others before, and thousands yet to come.

My philosophy? Just be the best I can be and worry about myself, I can’t legislate for or regulate the behaviour of others, only myself.

Chivalry is all well and good but you can only truly influence your own behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago

Bristol

That isn't what this post is about. But thank you as ever for such a helpful comment as it allows me to clarify;

Yes, totally agree.

And fair play to you for that, regardless of how others will choose to interpret it. Which will be broadly cynical, as we’ve all seen it before, often motivated by reasons other than the right ones.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The very definition of timewasting, the time being your own OP. You're venting your spleen to those who will either a: not read it, b: read it and ignore it, or c: doesn't even use the forums so won't give 2 shits.

I'd say let them carry on being bellends, it makes life easier for the good chaps to stand out from the masses.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"why? Genuine question? Why poke your nose in other's business? Why not just let them crack on? If they are knob heads I doubt they'd take the slightest bit of notice of some other guy pointing out the mistakes they're making? You clearly have too much time on your hands. "

It's exactly that response that is part of the problem. Sexism, misogyny and male entitlement are everyones business - and I'll raise my voice up challenging these problematic behaviours and ideology whenever I'd like to really.

Let's just allow men to crack on behaving appallingly and thinking they can get away with it with zero consequences and without being called out... ewww.

This isn't about correcting 'mistakes' that men make when they're messaging women. It's about challenging a pervasive culture among a sizeable majority of men.

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I quite frequently get treated like a commodity or as a free prostitute, hence why I added the Argos analogy to my profile, but we all know they never get read

I am however a grown woman and know how to stand up for myself to men like this, so in the main it has no adverse affect on my life

I don't get any sex though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I quite frequently get treated like a commodity or as a free prostitute, hence why I added the Argos analogy to my profile, but we all know they never get read

I am however a grown woman and know how to stand up for myself to men like this, so in the main it has no adverse affect on my life

I don't get any sex though

You told tricked me inyo reading your essay

Tricker

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

Let's just allow men to crack on behaving appallingly and thinking they can get away with it with zero consequences and without being called out... ewww.

This isn't about correcting 'mistakes' that men make when they're messaging women. It's about challenging a pervasive culture among a sizeable majority of men. "

But the people who do that won’t read this. They don’t even read profiles

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's true. Unfortunately the men who should be reading this, won't be. "

Safe bet that 99% of guys on the forums aren't big enough dicks to do this, regardless of what the Sky remote pics say

Nice PSA though

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes"

I keep counting....... and looking.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking."

Have you been falling in love with bowling balls again ?

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

"Hmmm what's next on XTREME-whiteknighting? I literally can't wait to find out what's gonna make the poor love vent next.

It's quite boring how *any* instance of a man having any concern, support, or agreement with women gets shouted down as 'white knighting'. It's such a cliché at this point.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Let's just allow men to crack on behaving appallingly and thinking they can get away with it with zero consequences and without being called out... ewww.

This isn't about correcting 'mistakes' that men make when they're messaging women. It's about challenging a pervasive culture among a sizeable majority of men. "

O.P. Is the measure of your research into the treatment of women on here one outraged , onesided message from someone you fancy ?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

As we're throwing around millennial terms... Is this white knighting at its finest?!... Joke BTW

It's not just men that have no respect for people. People of all genders can be complete and utter morons

Just stop being morons.... Everyone

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"I quite frequently get treated like a commodity or as a free prostitute, hence why I added the Argos analogy to my profile, but we all know they never get read

I am however a grown woman and know how to stand up for myself to men like this, so in the main it has no adverse affect on my life

I don't get any sex though

You told tricked me inyo reading your essay

Tricker"

But it's good though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Loool u melt

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's just allow men to crack on behaving appallingly and thinking they can get away with it with zero consequences and without being called out... ewww.

This isn't about correcting 'mistakes' that men make when they're messaging women. It's about challenging a pervasive culture among a sizeable majority of men. "

But who are you calling out?

The ‘fancy a fuck’ brigade (who get all arsey when rejected) are (mostly) not sat here reading serious forum debates, they’re already on to messaging the next lady within a 60 mile radius telling them what great tits they have.

I’m all for the message, and agree with it 100%, but I fear (as others have said) you’re preaching to the wrong target audience.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking."

I have an ear fetish

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"O.P. Is the measure of your research into the treatment of women on here one outraged , onesided message from someone you fancy ?"

Nope.

I've been using these kind of sites for years and been part of communities like this one for almost a decade.

I make no apology for being a feminist.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

I think it's almost certainly true that the sort of men who send offensive, derogatory and misogynistic messages to women on here are a) less likely to be on the forums (and therefore won't read this) and b) even if they were forumites, would probably be too arrogant/entitled/thick to give a shit.

*However*, all of that doesn't mean this type of behaviour should remain unchallenged in my opinion. Like many deep rooted attitudes, it's about chipping away, regardless of how effective you think your protest will be. If it's *never* challenged then it'll definitely continue. But if people stand up and state it's wrong then maybe, just maybe, a chord might be struck with someone who's been guilty of this in the past? Even if it makes just one man stop and think then progress has been made. It's all too easy to be apathetic about stuff which isn't right because we think change is unlikely and to be honest, I don't understand why something that seems to have been posted with the best of intentions has attracted some unnecessarily snarky and rather petty responses.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

Have you been falling in love with bowling balls again ?"

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

I have an ear fetish"

Then it's five..... I have two ears.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it's almost certainly true that the sort of men who send offensive, derogatory and misogynistic messages to women on here are a) less likely to be on the forums (and therefore won't read this) and b) even if they were forumites, would probably be too arrogant/entitled/thick to give a shit.

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

I have an ear fetish

Then it's five..... I have two ears."

Don’t forget the nostrils to - oooo yeah!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

Yawn..

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"O.P. Is the measure of your research into the treatment of women on here one outraged , onesided message from someone you fancy ?

Nope.

I've been using these kind of sites for years and been part of communities like this one for almost a decade.

I make no apology for being a feminist. "

Oops sos..... I thought you were a male.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Need to start these sort of conversations younger, with the teens. You've lost them by the time they're grown men with these behaviours.

And I don't mean forum men, as you're all lovely.

*steady there my fine steed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"O.P. Is the measure of your research into the treatment of women on here one outraged , onesided message from someone you fancy ?

Nope.

I've been using these kind of sites for years and been part of communities like this one for almost a decade.

I make no apology for being a feminist. "

Are you also taking a stand against the rude and entitled princesses? Because there are plenty of those out there too.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

For every negative comment being put down here by narrow minded people just after an argument and some controversy I'm getting plenty of positive feedback in my inbox by people who just can't be bothered arguing with the trolls here.

I've raised the issue. I made a subject thread. I've expressed my opinion. Most of you can only come back with insults and personal swipes rather than engaging the actual subject. Good game. Poorly played.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Let's just allow men to crack on behaving appallingly and thinking they can get away with it with zero consequences and without being called out... ewww.

This isn't about correcting 'mistakes' that men make when they're messaging women. It's about challenging a pervasive culture among a sizeable majority of men. "

I just had the most revolting first message off someone fairly repulsive. It started off having a go at me about 'what makes you so special', how I can't be worth much if I'm still on here etc, and had a right rant about how he was sick of people so up themselves they wouldn't reply to his messages (

!) or reject him on his single, unappealing picture......

And yes, I'm a big girl now, I can hit block and delete, but I am also a sensitive creature, and it leaves me feeling slimed.

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

Most Women know how to handle these type of men/messages,

Ignore and block,

As for the ones that leave maybe they aren't mentally ready for sites like fab,

So thanks to the knobheads, When I send a message I know its a improvement on any of the disrespectful, Nasty type messages she has received.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

I have an ear fetish

Then it's five..... I have two ears."

7 counting your nostrils

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Let's just allow men to crack on behaving appallingly and thinking they can get away with it with zero consequences and without being called out... ewww.

This isn't about correcting 'mistakes' that men make when they're messaging women. It's about challenging a pervasive culture among a sizeable majority of men. "

I think you make a good point.

"...men are not “under attack” — not unless you think it’s an “attack” when a bully is called out, stopped and given his comeuppance.

If you want to know who’s been under attack, ask women. You’ll hear story after story of being badgered by men who won’t take “no” for an answer, of being backed into corners where there’s no way out, physically or otherwise. You’ll hear story after story of women being treated as though their bodies and sexuality are not fully theirs but, rather, something to which men have a rightful claim.

Men, how would you like it if your workplace colleagues were more interested in the shape of your body than your ability and ideas? If your boss made it clear your career prospects depended on giving in to his sexual advances? If you were expected to smile your way through such an ordeal and “take it as a compliment”?

That’s how it’s been for many women."

Source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/01/29/yes-its-hard-man-metoo-timesup-era-and-should-tom-krattenmaker-column/1073240001/

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op what do you truly hope to achieve by starting this thread. Apart from getting your hole?

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By *amdenfunMan
over a year ago

London

So many responses, and doubt I'll add anything new, but... You're just flouting your virtuousness aren't you? Nice guys are nice; the rude ones aren't. There may be a few borderline ethical issues we could discuss, but that's not what you're trying to do, is it? Or do you think the nasties are going to see your post, take a good long look at themselves, and become reformed?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

I have an ear fetish

Then it's five..... I have two ears.

7 counting your nostrils"

There was a thread last week that revealed even more holes than that

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Let's just allow men to crack on behaving appallingly and thinking they can get away with it with zero consequences and without being called out... ewww.

This isn't about correcting 'mistakes' that men make when they're messaging women. It's about challenging a pervasive culture among a sizeable majority of men.

I think you make a good point.

"...men are not “under attack” — not unless you think it’s an “attack” when a bully is called out, stopped and given his comeuppance.

That’s how it’s been for many women."

Source: https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2018/01/29/yes-its-hard-man-metoo-timesup-era-and-should-tom-krattenmaker-column/1073240001/"

I do get all that. I agree with all that. This site and others like it are not a place of work.

I'm not saying women should put up with it.

I'm saying context does play an important part.

Men come here looking for sex. They don't have to be 'nice' , 'feminists' or 'polite' to join up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If men see or hear other men being disrespectful and call them out for it, things might change.

If they turn a blind eye to it, nothing will change.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It is getting worse the mesaages off men who show no respect towards women .I think it's the same on fab as it is in life .Just notice it more on fab .

Men lost the art of flirt and seduction .go straight to faf .lads it doesn't work that way .(Doesn't with me or friends I have .

Going to play devils advocate here and say it probably works as well as a perfectly crafted message as so many do either mass delete, have too many otions so put onto a slow back burner and the flame gets distinguished.

Send out 1000 cut n paste faf messages which probable take less time than 5 good messages to 5 suitable ladies after searching and reading through 50 profiles.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You can't educate morons simple a moron will always be a moron

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Put em in the army teach em some manners and discipline

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"Op what do you truly hope to achieve by starting this thread. Apart from getting your hole?"

Aye, because it’s definitely always about getting hole.

Seriously, people need to be free to talk about these kinds of issues and have sensible discussions about the problematic behaviour of men.

The thread already got a discussion going. Even if some people are being really nasty and petty.

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By *eek2findMan
over a year ago

Wigan

Hahahaha love all the replies on this thread. I can't help find OP's message cute. I'm sure he wasn't white knighting in the slightest. As for any girl on here that finds themselves harassed by weirdos, just block them.

Simples...

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

I have an ear fetish

Then it's five..... I have two ears.

7 counting your nostrils

There was a thread last week that revealed even more holes than that

The eye sockets?!

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By *eliz NelsonMan
over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

I have an ear fetish

Then it's five..... I have two ears.

7 counting your nostrils"

I find flaring nostrils a turn off

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

You should read some messages I've had over the years because I politely said no thank you. Don't think for one minute it's just the men who are disrespectful or vengeful....And I may add there are few women who with stand up to other women being rude or disrespectful towards men on the forums. It just seems it's acceptable for women to support those women who are.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"For every negative comment being put down here by narrow minded people just after an argument and some controversy I'm getting plenty of positive feedback in my inbox by people who just can't be bothered arguing with the trolls here.

What personal swipes? For the most part a lot of people agree with the sentiment bit disagree with the blanket approach you make. If you want to make a difference in this behaviour you have to tackle it individually with the guys exhibiting it.

Most people on the forums that want to get up to this sort of 'debate' are going to be the ones who are well aware of the issue and are dealing with it.

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling. We get it, you're a forward thinking male feminist and that's great but people rarely react well to posts written the way that you have written yours. It's your choice how you deal with that fact.

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By *otwife Stag CoupleCouple
over a year ago

Waterford

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

"You're just flouting your virtuousness aren't you? "

I really dislike this attitude.

Apparently no one can feel strongly about an issue, and speak out about that, because if they do they're just 'virtue signalling' or 'white knighting'. It couldn't possibly be a genuine, strongly held opinion.

What a cynical and depressing picture to have of your fellow humans.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling."

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Most people on the forums that want to get up to this sort of 'debate' are going to be the ones who are well aware of the issue and are dealing with it.

Correct.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all. "

She never said anything of the sort.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If men see or hear other men being disrespectful and call them out for it, things might change.

If they turn a blind eye to it, nothing will change."

While I agree with you, and the OP, let’s bookmark this thread and come back in a years time and see if ANYTHING at all has changed!

I’ll wager now we’ll have exactly the same daily rants about single guys behaviour!

I don’t think many people on here are disagreeing with the sentiment at all, just the audience it’s been pitched at and the effectiveness of the message.

I can’t speak for anyone else’s behaviour on here, only my own, and I can hand on heart say that the behaviour he describes is NOTHING like the way I conduct MYSELF on here.

Now I’m not denying that other men don’t behave like that, I know they do as I’ve seen the messages! But 999 times out of 1,000 they’re not the ones here reading the forums. So the message is lost on those it should be targeting, and as others have said if they have that much disregard for the way they conduct themselves online anyway, I suspect their behaviour isn’t going to change because another guy got ranty about it on the forum.

But hey, carry on ...

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By *hinypants77Man
over a year ago

Leeds

I don’t think you are in a position to speak for all the men of Fab pal. The men can speak for themselves and the women of fab can certainly handle themselves. They also have the block button which I’m sure gets a fair amount of use.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

I did ask if the op was going to make a similar post standing up against the women that don't know how to conduct themselves....I was ignored as I was disagreeing with the op. Anyone disagreeing is being petty and nasty allegedly..i thought the op wanted discussion

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all. "

Do what you like, it's just my opinion on how the op came across on this occasion.

The fact that it addresses all men is patronising at best as the majority of them don't exhibit the behaviours being discussed. He doesn't really differentiate or single out groups of men... Just addresses his fellow men.

Like I said, behaviour doesn't change he from this type of public address. It changes from direct challenge.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all.

She never said anything of the sort."

I'm afraid that's exactly the message of her post.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all.

She never said anything of the sort.

I'm afraid that's exactly the message of her post. "

In your opinion

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

Spot on

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all.

Do what you like, it's just my opinion on how the op came across on this occasion.

Like I said, behaviour doesn't change he from this type of public address. It changes from direct challenge. "

If your stance is 'do what you like' then maybe let people speak and have an opinion rather than suggest they are only speaking to get attention.

And I think it's more patronising to men to think that we need to be patted on the back and told 'not all men, of course' every time we want to talk about these issues.

Finally, that this kind of post can have no positive results is your opinion only, not a resolved fact.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Op what do you truly hope to achieve by starting this thread. Apart from getting your hole?

Aye, because it’s definitely always about getting hole.

Seriously, people need to be free to talk about these kinds of issues and have sensible discussions about the problematic behaviour of men.

The thread already got a discussion going. Even if some people are being really nasty and petty. "

So the full object of the op is to slag off men for their bad behaviour while your inbox fills up and you hopefully get a 'aww he's nice shag' out of it. That's how it'll look to me and many but then we're just nasty and petty because we're not agreeing with you

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all.

Do what you like, it's just my opinion on how the op came across on this occasion.

Like I said, behaviour doesn't change he from this type of public address. It changes from direct challenge.

If your stance is 'do what you like' then maybe let people speak and have an opinion rather than suggest they are only speaking to get attention.

And I think it's more patronising to men to think that we need to be patted on the back and told 'not all men, of course' every time we want to talk about these issues.

Finally, that this kind of post can have no positive results is your opinion only, not a resolved fact. "

When have I ever said it was anything but my opinion? Also, when have I ever said it can't be discussed? I have simply offered my thoughts on the subject and the intention. You seem to have taken unbridled at that and been fairly dismissive of my view. Am I not allowed to say anything unless it's boundless support and praise for the OP? bit if a boring discussion point of that's the case.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I blame porn....Man: ‘Let’s fuck bitch.’ Woman: ‘Oooo yes baby.’

In all 4 holes

I keep counting....... and looking.

I have an ear fetish

Then it's five..... I have two ears."

Hes got a thing for van gogh

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well well...Ive not experienced this myself.

Some great guys on here

It's true. I'm lovely, it's just that nobody has realised it yet......

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple
over a year ago

in Lancashire

"And the oscar goes too............"

does the white steed get the best supporting one too..?

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all.

Do what you like, it's just my opinion on how the op came across on this occasion.

Like I said, behaviour doesn't change he from this type of public address. It changes from direct challenge.

If your stance is 'do what you like' then maybe let people speak and have an opinion rather than suggest they are only speaking to get attention.

And I think it's more patronising to men to think that we need to be patted on the back and told 'not all men, of course' every time we want to talk about these issues.

Finally, that this kind of post can have no positive results is your opinion only, not a resolved fact.

It's quite funny that you complain about me being 'dismissive' whilst trying to defend 'you're just virtue signalling' as somehow adding to the debate. I can't think of a more dismissive comment than that.

But yes, you're allowed to say what you want, and I'm allowed to respond. Do we really need to debate how forum threads work?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

Hell yeah, if a woman ever dares to disagree with another woman, the cries of 'so much for the sisterhood' start!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Thanks for the heads up OP to what's happening amongst my fellow me but I'll continue in the way I always have, polite and courteous to everyone here female or male, good effort on your trusty steed though

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I've just thrown up

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Why wasn’t this post about all sexes that send unnecessarily rude, nasty messages?

Do you think women need protecting OP?

I noticed on a thread by a guy who likes fat women and that you told him that wasn’t the way “to talk to beautiful curvy women”. Frankly, that was just bloody patronising of you and you appear to be patronising women on here too.

We don’t need coats being put over puddles or treated like simpering idiots.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

Your post comes across as preachy and (loathe as i am to use the term) virtue signalling.

So if I'm a man who is concerned about the way my fellow men sometimes treat women, I should just keep quiet about it. Wouldn't want to be a virtue signalling white knight, after all.

Do what you like, it's just my opinion on how the op came across on this occasion.

Like I said, behaviour doesn't change he from this type of public address. It changes from direct challenge.

If your stance is 'do what you like' then maybe let people speak and have an opinion rather than suggest they are only speaking to get attention.

And I think it's more patronising to men to think that we need to be patted on the back and told 'not all men, of course' every time we want to talk about these issues.

Finally, that this kind of post can have no positive results is your opinion only, not a resolved fact.

But yes, you're allowed to say what you want, and I'm allowed to respond. Do we really need to debate how forum threads work? "

I'm not complaining about it... I am pointing out that you are doing the very thing you accuse me of in your need to defend the OP. you started it lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women should name and shame the people who are being dicks then report and block them.

If the administrators deleted the profiles then it would go a long way to solving the problem.

There are even automatic flags that could be added to the site that would flag these type of profiles for the administrators to take a closer look at.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women should name and shame the people who are being dicks then report and block them.

If the administrators deleted the profiles then it would go a long way to solving the problem.

There are even automatic flags that could be added to the site that would flag these type of profiles for the administrators to take a closer look at."

Iv messaged admin 4 times and not once have i had a reply

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women should name and shame the people who are being dicks then report and block them.

If the administrators deleted the profiles then it would go a long way to solving the problem.

There are even automatic flags that could be added to the site that would flag these type of profiles for the administrators to take a closer look at."

Ooo a flag system would be great if you get an idiot they could have a warning triangle on their profile for a period of time. The trouble with deleting the profile they just set up a new one

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women should name and shame the people who are being dicks then report and block them.

If the administrators deleted the profiles then it would go a long way to solving the problem.

There are even automatic flags that could be added to the site that would flag these type of profiles for the administrators to take a closer look at.

Iv messaged admin 4 times and not once have i had a reply"
they look into the issue but don’t reply to you depends what it is you’re asking about

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's good a guy is all about the feminism. Don't get me wrong

But

There's a way of saying that, that doesn't make you sound so fricking insincere.

Also it actually harms feminism if a guy tries to stand up for women but doesn't actually form an appropriate argument.

It's kind of the 'there, there love, if you stop screaming and killing yourselves we'll give you the vote'

Bleugh

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

I'm not complaining about it... I am pointing out that you are doing the very thing you accuse me of in your need to defend the OP. you started it lol "

Nope.

You dismissed the OP because you think he is just trying to get attention.

I criticised you doing that because you have no way of knowing what his motives are, and assuming it's a ploy is just cynical and shuts down debate.

So, I had a reason for my criticism. You had an assumption.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

I so want to fist bump you right now.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

I'm not complaining about it... I am pointing out that you are doing the very thing you accuse me of in your need to defend the OP. you started it lol

Nope.

You dismissed the OP because you think he is just trying to get attention.

I criticised you doing that because you have no way of knowing what his motives are, and assuming it's a ploy is just cynical and shuts down debate.

So, I had a reason for my criticism. You had an assumption. "

Ok ok

you're soooooo much more important and intelligenter than me.... Is it really that important to you. give it a rest and get back to the point of the thread lol can't he arsed going round in circles with you.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Women should name and shame the people who are being dicks then report and block them.

If the administrators deleted the profiles then it would go a long way to solving the problem.

There are even automatic flags that could be added to the site that would flag these type of profiles for the administrators to take a closer look at."

How would that work?

Do you not think, some women can be vindictive..

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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago

Hull

I'm not complaining about it... I am pointing out that you are doing the very thing you accuse me of in your need to defend the OP. you started it lol

Nope.

You dismissed the OP because you think he is just trying to get attention.

I criticised you doing that because you have no way of knowing what his motives are, and assuming it's a ploy is just cynical and shuts down debate.

So, I had a reason for my criticism. You had an assumption. "

To be fair, you don’t know what the OP’s motives are either. So you are also making an assumption

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By *oreveryoungkWoman
over a year ago

Leicestershire

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

Thank you

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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I will admit, sometimes you do have to laugh!

Only last night I had two messages that went roughly along these lines:

Single Male: What u up to?, I have a wife hope you don't mind?

Couple: 'wife is arranging a meet, so I am looking for a couple to watch'

That's just minimal proof, that no one reads anything on here!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oscar.op's after a blue peter badge.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

Hell yeah, if a woman ever dares to disagree with another woman, the cries of 'so much for the sisterhood' start!"

Nonsense!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Op...why have you chosen not to comment on badly behaved women?

A number of posts have asked and you still have not replied.

Maybe this is one of the reasons some question the sincerity of your op.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A friend of mine found out she has just been secretly filmed while meeting a seemingly nice guy on here. Currently encouraging her to name and shame.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend of mine found out she has just been secretly filmed while meeting a seemingly nice guy on here. Currently encouraging her to name and shame. "

She should report to Admin

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't worry about us, and certainly don't get yourself het up over it.

Those of us who can handle it, do. Those that can't, shouldn't be on here.

This is no place for namby pambies.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend of mine found out she has just been secretly filmed while meeting a seemingly nice guy on here. Currently encouraging her to name and shame. "

Not allowed to publicly name anyone to shame them. I'm not sure if what they did was legal. She might want to look into it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had always been what i am on this site. asked and if i get a yes.. good wow and if no.. fine .. best of luck in my reply to her or them .. there is no point in bugging or harrasing! thats simply sadism or despo activity. All of us are here for some fun time, but it would be fab if both sides willingly participate .. isnt it.

happy fabbing

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

#metoo

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman
over a year ago

evesham

"A friend of mine found out she has just been secretly filmed while meeting a seemingly nice guy on here. Currently encouraging her to name and shame.

She should report to Admin"

She should report it to the police!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend of mine found out she has just been secretly filmed while meeting a seemingly nice guy on here. Currently encouraging her to name and shame.

She should report to Admin

She should report it to the police! "

This. ^. It’s an offence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A friend of mine found out she has just been secretly filmed while meeting a seemingly nice guy on here. Currently encouraging her to name and shame.

Not allowed to publicly name anyone to shame them. I'm not sure if what they did was legal. She might want to look into it. "
Damn! thats bad what is fun in it..

thats why girls think thousand times before replying or thinking about us

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

My fellow men, please just get the message already; you are not entitled to sex. You are not entitled to women. You aren't even entitled to a reply from women who aren't interested in you. Stop harassing, kicking off and sending nasty messages to women. It's ruining the experiences of those women and making this community unsafe and smaller. "
When I was looking on Fab women told me I'm too nice for the site. Their veri's are full of bad boys that talk to them like shit so it's not hard to see what the women here want and they've told me that themselves therefore your white knight rant is invalid

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By *sfleurWoman
over a year ago

wednesfield

I've been called some vile names by a guy I haven't really chatted to - I try to be polite & say yay or no but it's difficult as so many messages - I realised I'm no super model but to be called wrinkly etc is really disappointing I'm 59 & I think pretty ok / he blocked me b4 I could reply - bastard ????

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I've been called some vile names by a guy I haven't really chatted to - I try to be polite & say yay or no but it's difficult as so many messages - I realised I'm no super model but to be called wrinkly etc is really disappointing I'm 59 & I think pretty ok / he blocked me b4 I could reply - bastard ????

"
you could have blocked in the first place isnt it?

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By *crumdiddlyumptiousMan
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

My fellow men, please just get the message already; you are not entitled to sex. You are not entitled to women. You aren't even entitled to a reply from women who aren't interested in you. Stop harassing, kicking off and sending nasty messages to women. It's ruining the experiences of those women and making this community unsafe and smaller. When I was looking on Fab women told me I'm too nice for the site. Their veri's are full of bad boys that talk to them like shit so it's not hard to see what the women here want and they've told me that themselves therefore your white knight rant is invalid"

Maybe that's just the ones you have spoken with, But you can also play the "bad boy" without speaking to women like shit

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can’t say what the OPs intention, either conscious or unconscious, however I can explain why I responded with the

emojis further up.

While the OP doesn’t specifically apply to me, the way it is written ‘shames all men’. A bit like pissing on all of us. It may be specifically intended for a particular group but ends up showering the rest of us in it.

There is an issue of a lack of respect and thoughtful communication on this site, but it presents itself in many different ways depending on who is doing the communication.

Confronting individuals with their behaviour is potentially a much better approach, provided it can be done appropriately, rather than generalising and getting hooked into ‘rescuer’, ‘persecutor’ or ‘victim’ roles. Therein lies ‘drama’

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Nice sentiment. But came over like this:

https://youtu.be/3YaRvbQSjrk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Walks away quietly thinking but not saying....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nice sentiment. But came over like this:

https://youtu.be/3YaRvbQSjrk"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

I’m afraid the men you are talking to wouldn’t even be found in this part of the sight, I believe that those who do have an ounce of respect would already know and understand what you are saying. The best way is for you to give your female friends an edited version of this to send back in response and then block!

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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago

Hillside desolate

You seem nice op but this does come off a bit like "all men are shit apart from me". Consider the patronising factor.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

So far ITT:

#NotAllMen (Awww cute)

#OpAttentionseeker

#WhiteKnight

#Badfaithintentions

What’s not really in this thread:

Genuine engagement with the issues raised.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"So far ITT:

#NotAllMen (Awww cute)

#OpAttentionseeker

#WhiteKnight

#Badfaithintentions

What’s not really in this thread:

Genuine engagement with the issues raised. "

They're not our issues.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

P.s. I’m so so desperate for all y’all’s attention that I went offline and headed out for a bit... because I totes need attention from someone down in London or Cardiff or Brighton...

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"So far ITT:

#NotAllMen (Awww cute)

#OpAttentionseeker

#WhiteKnight

#Badfaithintentions

What’s not really in this thread:

Genuine engagement with the issues raised.

They're not our issues. "

You’re a forum troll who has left various comments below mine in a number of threads expressing ever so much your right-wing ideology and penchant for language that is frequently used by misogynists, trump supporters and white nationalists... sooo

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So far ITT:

#NotAllMen (Awww cute)

#OpAttentionseeker

#WhiteKnight

#Badfaithintentions

What’s not really in this thread:

Genuine engagement with the issues raised. "

Erm - excuse me? What kind of engagement are you looking for when you come across and generalise and attack every man but yourself on here? I’m sorry you seem so high on your damn soap box that you cant hear the engagement happening in this thread unless it’s for them to bow down and admit to something they haven’t done?

Can you not see/understand/comprehend what we are all saying?

Or did you just want to rant and now you feel better?

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"You seem nice op but this does come off a bit like "all men are shit apart from me". Consider the patronising factor. "

For clarity: All men, in the current context of our society, and including myself, are shit. We are all part of the problem. Until we eradicate misogyny, sexism, patriarchy and Male entitlement then we will continue having these various issues... especially on sites like this...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You seem nice op but this does come off a bit like "all men are shit apart from me". Consider the patronising factor.

I suggest you lead by example and leave the site then!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

[Removed by poster at 30/01/18 23:25:11]

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

Can you not see/understand/comprehend what we are all saying?

Or did you just want to rant and now you feel better?"

So you expect me to just put up with passive and direct insults toward me and a fuck tonne of pettiness and bitterness.

It may have escaped your notice but I too am a man and as such I’m also part of the problem. I also know that not all women are on board with the struggle for fundamental equality and an end to this disgraceful culture, misogyny and Male entitlement for whatever reasons... so meh.

And who is ‘we all’ did you just try to speak for everyone in this thread? Wow. Fun times.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"You seem nice op but this does come off a bit like "all men are shit apart from me". Consider the patronising factor.

I suggest you lead by example and leave the site then!"

Cute.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you not see/understand/comprehend what we are all saying?

Or did you just want to rant and now you feel better?

So you expect me to just put up with passive and direct insults toward me and a fuck tonne of pettiness and bitterness.

And who is ‘we all’ did you just try to speak for everyone in this thread? Wow. Fun times. "

Why do you consider yourself part of the problem?

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site."

Bless your heart.

" It is totally unacceptable to message women in ways that gaslight them, try to pressure and coerce them into meeting you or to pretend as though you've already met them previously as an attempt of gaining trust.

I know this.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

I know this.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"So far ITT:

#NotAllMen (Awww cute)

#OpAttentionseeker

#WhiteKnight

#Badfaithintentions

What’s not really in this thread:

Genuine engagement with the issues raised. "

You didn’t raise the issue in a way that made me feel like you were promoting dialogue on the issues. If you had your OP would have felt more like an inquiry.

You would have framed your purpose as such. Perhaps advocated a few of your thoughts and feelings, given us a couple of examples and then asked a question or two.

Instead it felt like you pissed over the men of fab and patronised the women, preaching largely to the converted.

The meaning of communication is the response you get.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"You seem nice op but this does come off a bit like "all men are shit apart from me". Consider the patronising factor.

the only thing i really have an issue with regarding what your OP said, and your previous post, is that if men feel strongly about this,which i am very glad many men do..i wish they would voice it, in public to the men around them..confront the behaviour they find abhorrent to their faces, because being confronted by their peers will have a far greater effect than posting on here.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"Why do you consider yourself part of the problem?"

Because we live in a society that is Male centric and sexist. In a culture where men feel entitled to treat women like utter shit. It is reflected here on sites like this and we need to all be part of the solution.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

" the only thing i really have an issue with regarding what your OP said, and your previous post, is that if men feel strongly about this,which i am very glad many men do..i wish they would voice it, in public to the men around them..confront the behaviour they find abhorrent to their faces, because being confronted by their peers will have a far greater effect than posting on here."

Did the bit where I directly address men in my OP escape your notice? This thread is literally aimed at men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Can you not see/understand/comprehend what we are all saying?

Or did you just want to rant and now you feel better?

So you expect me to just put up with passive and direct insults toward me and a fuck tonne of pettiness and bitterness.

And who is ‘we all’ did you just try to speak for everyone in this thread? Wow. Fun times. "

You being a man did in fact escape my notice - you are coming across rather animalistic. Like a mother cub. Which is ironic really. Considering the political platform you parade on here. Not interested in wasting my time with narrow minded contradictory things which use phrases such as “cute” and “fun times” when asking people to be serious.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I think some are showing their true colours on this thread by being rude to the OP. He was voicing his opinion and needed to vent, so what's the point of some of you trolling for the sake of it?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think some are showing their true colours on this thread by being rude to the OP. He was voicing his opinion and needed to vent, so what's the point of some of you trolling for the sake of it? "

Who specifically is trolling?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Did the bit where I directly address men in my OP escape your notice? This thread is literally aimed at men. "

well thats a rude and patronising reply! i clearly meant confronting men to their faces, when they see behaviour they object to in front of them...not on the internet.

did the part where i mentioned 'in public' escape your notice?

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"I think some are showing their true colours on this thread by being rude to the OP. He was voicing his opinion and needed to vent, so what's the point of some of you trolling for the sake of it? "

I think if a woman came on fab and accused you of behaviours that you neither practise or exhibit. That you also hold as abhorrent, you might find that it "gets you back up" as well. Hey at least I've found out I'm a white supremacist now. Ill be sure to tell the next black guy i have sex with.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The statement “All men are shit” tells me all I need to know about this thread ..

Anyway, when we get to 175, can someone open Part 2, purrlease?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

White knight alert!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Right, so I'm not really going to apologise for posting a serious subject for discussion. I'm actually really angry after just hearing of the latest experiences of women on this site.

So many women leave sites and communities like this because of the way men behave and act.

Well said. I mainly get lovely messages but I also get some truly disgusting ones that are not welcomed.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"I think if a woman came on fab and accused you of behaviours that you neither practise or exhibit. That you also hold as abhorrent, you might find that it "gets you back up" as well. Hey at least I've found out I'm a white supremacist now. Ill be sure to tell the next black guy i have sex with.

And I think that if you actually gave a damn about tackling problematic behaviour you’d not go down the not all men route... you’d acknowledge that sexism, misogyny and problematic behaviours are a serious issue among the vast majority of men and in our society generally.

It’s good that this thread has got your back up and that of others. Because it’s about time men started feeling discomfort when having our privilege and entitlement challenged.

You’ve also literally done the ‘I’m not racist, I have sex with black people’ thing...

Read what I said. You sounded like and used language similar to... I never actually directly labelled you a white supremacist.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"The statement “All men are shit” tells me all I need to know about this thread ..

Anyway, when we get to 175, can someone open Part 2, purrlease?

There is self loathing for sure. But i think that's endemic of his type.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"White knight alert!

This whole white knight thing... let’s talk about it; sure, there are people who follow that problematic type of behaviour in order to appear endearing towards women... however, I’m noticing a fair number of men using this term in order to shut down men who are raising issues around sexism. As though you think women are stupid enough to accept this delegitimisation and just avoid discussing the way many men behave in inappropriate and harmful ways.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s good that this thread has got your back up and that of others. Because it’s about time men started feeling discomfort when having our privilege and entitlement challenged.

You’ve also literally done the ‘I’m not racist, I have sex with black people’ thing...

Read what I said. You sounded like and used language similar to... I never actually directly labelled you a white supremacist. "

Oh get over yourself.

You’re a far bigger problem to women than a lot of men on here.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is there any women at this stoning today?

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"There is self loathing for sure. But i think that's endemic of his type. "

Ooo come on then... I’m dying to hear what ‘type’ I am...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"There is self loathing for sure. But i think that's endemic of his type.

Ooo come on then... I’m dying to hear what ‘type’ I am... "

You come across to me as thinking women are not equal to men and that we need protecting and looking after because of all the nasty men (except you of course because you’d never call a woman fat, only beautiful and curvy

)

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

It’s good that this thread has got your back up and that of others. Because it’s about time men started feeling discomfort when having our privilege and entitlement challenged.

You’ve also literally done the ‘I’m not racist, I have sex with black people’ thing...

Read what I said. You sounded like and used language similar to... I never actually directly labelled you a white supremacist. "

Its not the thread subject that's got my back up. Its the accusational tone. You delivered it like an angry sociology student. You made it about yourself. And then retorted with the standard "if you don't agree you're basically Hitler" comments thrown in for good measure, as is de rigueur for your type.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Has anyone got some popcorn to hand please...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Why do you consider yourself part of the problem?

You treat women like shit then?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Has anyone got some popcorn to hand please..."

This is no time to be Hangry!!

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"You come across to me as thinking women are not equal to men and that we need protecting and looking after because of all the nasty men (except you of course because you’d never call a woman fat, only beautiful and curvy

Question wasn’t directed to you. But okay.

That’s how you’ve chosen to either interpret me or portray me - since it’s obvious you disagree with the original post anyway. Women don’t need men to protect them. Being an ally in the fight against sexism is what I do.

You’re also right, I don’t label women or anyone as fat or use derogatory language at all.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"Why do you consider yourself part of the problem?

You treat women like shit then?"

Nice try, but no.

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By *iSexGeordie OP Man
over a year ago

North Shields

"Its not the thread subject that's got my back up. Its the accusational tone. You delivered it like an angry sociology student. You made it about yourself. And then retorted with the standard "if you don't agree you're basically Hitler" comments thrown in for good measure, as is de rigueur for your type. "

My tone isn’t relevant because you are the one who interprets tone when reading on a forum. So you’ve already decided that about my tone.

I replied to one specific individual who has used specific language and pointed out how akin it is to white nationalist rhetoric. Period.

You’ve still not actually said what my ‘type’ is and I’m dying to hear it because I guarantee you’re way off.

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By *un-guy212Man
over a year ago

sheffield

Respect is a mutual thing.. it works both ways.. I could easily say women talk to men on here like dirt.. thinking we are all desperate.. some women maybe big headed due to the fact there are 1000 men on here to 1 women and play off all the attention they get as they wouldn't get no where near the attention in a bar down town on a Saturday night..

The world isn't a nice place.. so have to take safety precautions.. it's common sense.. someone talks to you like crap.. that's why there is a block button.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

OP, the subject is a very important one and timely. If I were you I would reflect on some of the more constructive and challenging feedback I have received and think about how I might raise these issues in a way that really promotes conversation.

If it were me I’d cpnsider how being a man can blind me to some of my own unconscious assumptions about the subject and therefore the pitfalls I wish to avoid if possible.

Above all I can only approach a topic like this in humility as I don’t have the answers and as you rightly point out am still part of the problem.

All the best in your quest, should you wish to really pursue it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To be fair couples and women are just as bad.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

My tone isn’t relevant because you are the one who interprets tone when reading on a forum. So you’ve already decided that about my tone.

I replied to one specific individual who has used specific language and pointed out how akin it is to white nationalist rhetoric. Period.

You’ve still not actually said what my ‘type’ is and I’m dying to hear it because I guarantee you’re way off. "

Please continue.

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By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Well, I haven't gotten the whole thread read yet, but I would not be attacking the OP for raising the issue again, I will give him the benefit of the doubt on his motivation. He does highlight a real issue and I welcome anyone doing that.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Women though, they love it really.

The End.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Yes putting himself up for an Oscar..but really a lot of guys have not got a clue how to chat to and respect wemon, I blame unsocial media as this generation are starting to forget there is a real person on the screen.."

so true

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Nobody is to throw any stones until I blow this whistle......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It’s good that this thread has got your back up and that of others. Because it’s about time men started feeling discomfort when having our privilege and entitlement challenged.

You’ve also literally done the ‘I’m not racist, I have sex with black people’ thing...

Read what I said. You sounded like and used language similar to... I never actually directly labelled you a white supremacist.

For the record I think Sociology should be statutory at KS4. Maureen Lipman ruined any chance of that happening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think we're all agreed that abuse directed at anyone by anyone is unacceptable.

I think we also agree that those who do this are unlikely to change their behaviour by reading this thread (assuming they do).

I'm sure OP was being sincere but has fallen into the trap of labelling one gender as the perpetrator of all abuse, including himself by definition. Of course, that's a fallacy. It's individuals who choose to abuse and should be ignored.

Also, we all need to protect and stand up for ourselves. No-one else can do this for us on a site like this. Fab has given us the block button which we can use.

Where we can act is in trying to change the wider society in which we live though our own behaviour ... our hope is this will filter through to Fab and all other social media to increase respect for each other and reduce the kind of abusive behaviour discussed.

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