FabSwingers.com forum: Fab and attitude to Bi men

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Its something i have noticed alot on here.

The need for men to hide the fact they are bi. I understand why as so many women and couples say they will not meet bi guys. Alot of the time the women are bi themselves.

Is there a thought that bi men are less manly than straight guys ?

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries.

Or is there another reason. I am just interested what is at the heart of this double standard.

So is male bi sexuality still a taboo in society and if so why do you think it is.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

This is a good question.

One I have no answer to but I often wonder why bi men feel the need to hide it... I see a lot of women / couples who don’t want to meet bi men and I’ve no idea why not. I’m sure if you set out your ground rules as to what you’re expecting from a meet then it works for all.

I figure if you’re having safe sex and someone fits your needs and vice versa, what does it matter who their previous sexual experiences have been with?

However, it appears to matter to lots and therefor the *fab straight* label appears and no-one is any the wiser as to who is fucking whom.

Sorry I’ve no idea what the answer is but it’s still a good question.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We have no problem meeting guys who are bi but the only problem we have is guys who say they are straight on their profiles but message us indicating they are bicurious .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 27/01/18 14:40:03]

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By *rx1Couple
over a year ago

North Devon-ish

Hello

We are one of the dreaded couples, that still dare to express a preference and yes we are constantly shouted down and sometimes are verbally abused for it. Oh and yes I (the female half) consider myself a little bit Bi myself, more Bi Playful than Bi Sexual really.

I dont believe a Guy is less Manly if he is Bi or Gay and my Husband doesn't have any issues with being on the same bed, same play area as other guys.

It is just a preferences.

Do you take the same view of people that won't meet smokers (even if they don't smoke when meeting) or those that won't meet Black, white, Asian, Mixed Raced people or less able bodied people or those that have issue writing messages due to being dyslexic ?

People should be allowed to have choices, without being made to feel guilty or outcast, I think is a more interesting question

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We have no problem meeting guys who are bi but the only problem we have is guys who say they are straight on their profiles but message us indicating they are bicurious . "

That's usually because the guys who ask are only orally bi or bi playful in a situation.

It would be then unfair to 'advertise' themselves as bi, meet a bi couple and then have an awkward moment.

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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago

Newcastle upon Tyne

Don't believe being bi makes a guy less manly and we have no issue with meeting a couple where the guy is bi and have done both knowingly and I suspect unknowingly as well. We make it clear that Mr is straight and will not play with the guy, this has actually resulted in couples turning us down although why they chose to contact us in the first place amuses us.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think it makes a guy less manly at all, on the contrary! Any openly bi guy is content with his sexuality and is this confidently so to be able to say it.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Hello

I dont believe a Guy is less Manly if he is Bi or Gay and my Husband doesn't have any issues with being on the same bed, same play area as other guys.

It is just a preferences.

People should be allowed to have choices, without being made to feel guilty or outcast, I think is a more interesting question

Just to be clear... I don’t think anyone is a ‘dreaded’ anything for choosing what they want in sexual partners. At all. We are all afforded the right to be as picky and choosy as we like and absolutely do not need to justify those preferences to anyone else.

I like tall men. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with short men. I just like what I like. I don’t give a monkies what anyone thinks of my choices and if I’m shortist then so be it.

I didn’t read the OP as having a pop at those who choose not to meet bi men but I do wonder if so many people having the preference NOT to meet bi men makes them hide it.

I’ve no idea the reasons behind anyone’s preferences not to meet bi men but they do intrigue me. I’d happily have a threesome with a couple if the lady was straight, provided I knew beforehand what was expected. I’m not sure the same preference is thrown in for bi women though if that makes sense.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries.

Sadly on the 2 occasions that we were involved with bi guys at a club, and after being clear about our preferences, these were ignored and play was stopped. We now avoid bi guys for this reason.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"We have no problem meeting guys who are bi but the only problem we have is guys who say they are straight on their profiles but message us indicating they are bicurious . "

Thats what i have noticed. We get alot og straigh guys messaging saying we are bi

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries.

Sadly on the 2 occasions that we were involved with bi guys at a club, and after being clear about our preferences, these were ignored and play was stopped. We now avoid bi guys for this reason. "

That’s entirely understandable and perhaps a common reason for couples adopting the preference. Can’t say I’d blame anyone for stopping play when boundaries are overstepped.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries. .

Sadly on the 2 occasions that we were involved with bi guys at a club, and after being clear about our preferences, these were ignored and play was stopped. We now avoid bi guys for this reason. "

I understand where you are coming from and boubdries should always be respected. But straight guys have been known to criss boundries in clubs as well

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Hello

I dont believe a Guy is less Manly if he is Bi or Gay and my Husband doesn't have any issues with being on the same bed, same play area as other guys.

It is just a preferences.

People should be allowed to have choices, without being made to feel guilty or outcast, I think is a more interesting question

I have no issues with preferences but there is alot of double standards when it comes to bi women and bi men in society.

With regards to smoking if a couple where down as smokers then refused to meet smokers I would question their thinking behind that choice. Politely of course.

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By *lik and PaulCouple
over a year ago

cahoots

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries. .

Sadly on the 2 occasions that we were involved with bi guys at a club, and after being clear about our preferences, these were ignored and play was stopped. We now avoid bi guys for this reason.

I understand where you are coming from and boubdries should always be respected. But straight guys have been known to criss boundries in clubs as well"

I'm sure you're right and if we had issues with them we might have to re think how we play but so far so good.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Couples, come and try me and find out?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There is definitely a stigma against bi men in society. Just as there is still a stigma against gay men.

Most men won't see any difference between a guy being bi, or gay, they'll still consider that man gay.

It's just the way it is and always will be.

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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

There are many different reasons given including sexual contact (of any kind) with a male who is bisexual/gay meaning you can't give blood for a year under current blood donor directives (which are I believe being reviewed as antiquated) - personally, as an openly bisexual male on here, I accept it as a preference like any other so long as it's not obviously homophobically related in which case my preference would be not to meet the people concerned anyway!!

I also think it's a myth that there are "lots" of people who won't meet bi males - sure they exist and as I said above I respect their preference, but in my experience they're a minority that are more than balanced out by people who actively seek bi males - the vast majority of people I've come across have no preference either way and will happily meet with us bi guys regardless so long as boundaries are made clear and observed (just the same as any other boundaries).

I never understand the Fab straight fraternity, because for every door they are opening by identifying as straight, they are closing a door on the roughly equal number of people who say they are looking for bi guys but won't meet those who are straight on their profiles.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries. .

Sadly on the 2 occasions that we were involved with bi guys at a club, and after being clear about our preferences, these were ignored and play was stopped. We now avoid bi guys for this reason.

I understand where you are coming from and boubdries should always be respected. But straight guys have been known to criss boundries in clubs as well

I'm sure you're right and if we had issues with them we might have to re think how we play but so far so good."

And i totally agree but i would not tar everyone with a brush due to a bad experience with someone. But thats everyone choice and as such i respect that

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

"Its something i have noticed alot on here.

The need for men to hide the fact they are bi. I understand why as so many women and couples say they will not meet bi guys. Alot of the time the women are bi themselves.

Is there a thought that bi men are less manly than straight guys ?

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries.

Or is there another reason. I am just interested what is at the heart of this double standard.

So is male bi sexuality still a taboo in society and if so why do you think it is.

"
this used to bother me as a bi guy, rhen i got over myself as it's entirely up to the individule on how they identify or how they advertise on places like this, you're not necceserily gay or bi of you've had a play with a cock or two. I hate labels, i hate even more that they do come in handy. To answer your question about taboo...yes it's still taboo, i think mainly because of the huge expectation of men to be rough n tough...well you can be rough n tough and still a bender

basically we have to wait for the insecure populous to catch up.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think a lot of people still equate bi guys with transferring HIV from the gay community. Bi/Gay guys are also considered more promiscuous, which probably isnt relevant on here (although might be to some people).

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By *hor ThumbMan
over a year ago

bristol

"We have no problem meeting guys who are bi but the only problem we have is guys who say they are straight on their profiles but message us indicating they are bicurious . "
i used to be like this but now i allow them their time to deal with whatever it is that makes them feel they have to hide it...i wasn't always comfortable with it m'self. Then there are genuine straight guys that will say anything to get to bed the other half, or the ones that ask ME if wendy mmets alone.

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By *randMrsTeaseCouple
over a year ago

Durham

I personally love it when a guy is bi or bi curious, that way when they come to play we all get fun and no one is left out.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Is the problem bi men? Or is the problem liars?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I think a lot of people still equate bi guys with transferring HIV from the gay community. Bi/Gay guys are also considered more promiscuous, which probably isnt relevant on here (although might be to some people)."

Isnt that just a sterotypical view. In tbe long run everyone on here is promiscuous as we are all swingers lol

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By *onkeymagic50Man
over a year ago

Near the harbour

A lot of straight guys still think a bi guy will grab his penis in a mmf meet when truth be told they wouldn't it all about perception .must just add though that any one having won't meetbi guys isn't wrong .I won't meet cheaters no difference it just everyone has right to choice on who they meet

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"A lot of straight guys still think a bi guy will grab his penis in a mmf meet when truth be told they wouldn't it all about perception .must just add though that any one having won't meetbi guys isn't wrong .I won't meet cheaters no difference it just everyone has right to choice on who they meet "

I have never said its wrong to have choices. I just find its interesting how bi men are preceived

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This still comes up on the questionnaire when giving blood, which I do regularly. I asked my daughter (a doctor) about why this is....she stated quite categorically that there IS a far greater statistical risk of contamination. Wether that’s a consideration here or not I couldn’t say.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I work with sexual health nurses and they say the highest growth in stis etc is a growing with hetrosexual men not using protection. The satitics are 47% high risk in bi and gay men and 48.2% with hetrosexual men

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By *imandher84Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

To be quite honest we don't meet bi men for the same reason we don't meet "straight" female couples.

We don't see the point in being anyones second best meet.

By that i mean if we were to meet a couple with a straight female i wouldn't get the pleasure of seeing my partner with her nor would my partner get the pleasure of further exploring her bi side so whilst it could be a great meet it wouldn't be the best we were looking for..

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To be quite honest we don't meet bi men for the same reason we don't meet "straight" female couples.

We don't see the point in being anyones second best meet.

Bur surely if boundries are set and everyone is in agreement fun is had. I am happy to play with a couple where the guy is straight as we can still have lots of fun

But i understand that it comes down to choice

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By *imandher84Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

"To be quite honest we don't meet bi men for the same reason we don't meet "straight" female couples.

We don't see the point in being anyones second best meet.

Bur surely if boundries are set and everyone is in agreement fun is had. I am happy to play with a couple where the guy is straight as we can still have lots of fun

But i understand that it comes down to choice "

I'm sure it could yes but all i could say on the matter is from my own experience, if we play with a straight female couple we can have a great meet but it is lacking in what we ourselves as a couple are looking for. So essentially it's not our idea of a perfect meet.

So yeah we could set out boundaries with a bi male couple and let them know what we do and don't want to happen but really i would just be concerned it wasn't there "perfect" meet. And with the sheer amount of straight male couples on here we get to avoid being anyones second choice...in theory at least;)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

The current growth rate might be higher, but does that mean the total rate of infection is higher? Probably not, or that would be the quoted statistic (presuming you are remembering correctly if course)

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that the view is correct, just that it's there. Stereotypes exist because people believe them.

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By *irtyGirlWoman
over a year ago

Edinburgh

I don’t give blood for exactly this reason. I wonder how many wives of the *fab straight* are obliviously donating their blood without a second thought.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Hello

I dont believe a Guy is less Manly if he is Bi or Gay and my Husband doesn't have any issues with being on the same bed, same play area as other guys.

It is just a preferences.

People should be allowed to have choices, without being made to feel guilty or outcast, I think is a more interesting question

Preferences are allowed.... until that person is turned down.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To be quite honest we don't meet bi men for the same reason we don't meet "straight" female couples.

We don't see the point in being anyones second best meet.

Bur surely if boundries are set and everyone is in agreement fun is had. I am happy to play with a couple where the guy is straight as we can still have lots of fun

But i understand that it comes down to choice

I dont understand second choice. We choice who we meet by how we get on with them and the fun is set around what everyone is happy with. So meeting a couple where the women is bi and the man is straight is fine if we all get on and like each other. But as i said its all about personal choice. We like to get to know a couple and of we play we play.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe the straight guy doesn't want the bi guy to be perving over his cock.

Maybe the thought of two men together is a turn off so they don't want to meet for that reason.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We’re all riddled with STDs and will fuck anything with a pulse

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"We’re all riddled with STDs and will fuck anything with a pulse"

And this.

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By *oobyHotwifeWoman
over a year ago

Thurrock

"Its something i have noticed alot on here.

The need for men to hide the fact they are bi. I understand why as so many women and couples say they will not meet bi guys. Alot of the time the women are bi themselves.

Is there a thought that bi men are less manly than straight guys ?

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries.

Or is there another reason. I am just interested what is at the heart of this double standard.

So is male bi sexuality still a taboo in society and if so why do you think it is.

My husband & I were talking about this the other day, we both have singles profiles on here as well as a couples profile

His single profile is to meet guys as he's orally bi and enjoys solo meets with guys but honestly I'd say at least 80% of messages he receives are from straight guys where their profile specifically states 'not looking for single guys'

To be honest it's not a problem for us & personally I'm not keen on labels it just makes me wonder why people choose one label for themselves over the other

My personal suspicion is that over time their line has blurred and got pushed further back so where when setting up their profile they may have originally considered themselves straight maybe in a threesome situation bodies or tongues have touched & they thought that felt good maybe I should explore that further & they just haven't gotten around to updating their profile

I know from personal experiences our boundaries have regularly been pushed back & im guessing that's the same for many others

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By *imandher84Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

"To be quite honest we don't meet bi men for the same reason we don't meet "straight" female couples.

We don't see the point in being anyones second best meet.

Bur surely if boundries are set and everyone is in agreement fun is had. I am happy to play with a couple where the guy is straight as we can still have lots of fun

But i understand that it comes down to choice

Second choice meaning as a bi female couple our first choice would be another bi female couple..

So second would be a straight female couple.

Is this not the same for bi male couples?

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Maybe the straight guy doesn't want the bi guy to be perving over his cock.

Maybe the thought of two men together is a turn off so they don't want to meet for that reason. "

But the amount of single men that hide that fact means they prob played with a guy that is bi anyway lol

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

We don't really care to be honest. We're openly bisexual yet constantly get looked at and winked by straight couples. In those cases we politely decline contact as we want bi play. That said we understand those that don't wish to play based on our preferences but thankfully there's a lot out there that do

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"To be quite honest we don't meet bi men for the same reason we don't meet "straight" female couples.

We don't see the point in being anyones second best meet.

Bur surely if boundries are set and everyone is in agreement fun is had. I am happy to play with a couple where the guy is straight as we can still have lots of fun

But i understand that it comes down to choice

Second choice meaning as a bi female couple our first choice would be another bi female couple..

So second would be a straight female couple.

Is this not the same for bi male couples?"

Honestly we play with who we get on with as friends. Sexuallity is not an issue with us. Of the couple are straight and we like them we play straight. If the couple is a bi women couple mel takes advantage of that fact lmao

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By *imandher84Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

"We don't really care to be honest. We're openly bisexual yet constantly get looked at and winked by straight couples. In those cases we politely decline contact as we want bi play. That said we understand those that don't wish to play based on our preferences but thankfully there's a lot out there that do"

My point exactly;)

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I think it's an area where men have somewhat let themselves down, as they bought in to the concept that gay and bi men were 'less than' the straight men were.

They haven't fully reclaimed their power, holding all brothers as equals yet.

I think it's still hard for many people to truly explain why they won't meet bi guys. Preference is a descriptive summary but not a full explanation of the inner reasoning for some.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Personal perspective. I’m straight (not just fab straight). I have played with couples with straight men (as far as I know, from what they have said), and also with bi men (but never felt uneasy as they knew I am straight and never made any attempt to “jump on my cock” or similar). I’ve played as part of a couple with other couples who have included bi men and bi women. I’ve arranged GBs for single ladies and for couples. I have never been in any way selective about the guys invited being bi or straight.....it doesn’t actually matter as long as all are informed and consenting.

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"Hello

I dont believe a Guy is less Manly if he is Bi or Gay and my Husband doesn't have any issues with being on the same bed, same play area as other guys.

It is just a preferences.

People should be allowed to have choices, without being made to feel guilty or outcast, I think is a more interesting question

Spot on!! Well said.

It's a preference, and if peopke can't accept preferences perhaps swinging ain't where they should be.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's because the male half of a couple wanks himself silly over his partner and another woman licking each other's pussies, but don't want people knowing he likes to suck dick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's all about pleasing the men isn't it. It's why I won't meet couples on here. I'm not lezzing myself out for a man to pull his cock over if he's repulsed by men doing the same.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Which is why we avoid those very profiles too ??

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Each to their own but why should the girls put a show on if the guys wont? Fair's fair etc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It's all about pleasing the men isn't it. It's why I won't meet couples on here. I'm not lezzing myself out for a man to pull his cock over if he's repulsed by men doing the same. "

"lezzing myself out"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Its something i have noticed alot on here.

The need for men to hide the fact they are bi. I understand why as so many women and couples say they will not meet bi guys. Alot of the time the women are bi themselves.

Is there a thought that bi men are less manly than straight guys ?

Or is there a false idea that a bi guy can not control himself and will jump at any cock they see and not respect boundries.

Or is there another reason. I am just interested what is at the heart of this double standard.

So is male bi sexuality still a taboo in society and if so why do you think it is.

From experience, I think it's because we can't control ourselves and jump on every man that's within 10 feet, whether they're gay, bi or straight - we just don't care. Also, because of our sexuality, we have no standards whatsoever, so will basically shag anything with a pulse and since we never use prophylactics, we are riddled with every STI known to genitourinary medicine.

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By *empting TravelsMan
over a year ago

London

I think it is a real shame that people still feel that they have to hide aspects of their sexuality on a swinging site. I mean come on isn't sexual liberation what swinging is supposed to be all about??

When I discovered ( much to my surprise at the time ) that I had a bi side I wrestled with if for a few months but then decided to embrace it. A couple of my swinging friends warned me that there would be a backlash because I am quite well known in some circles but ultimately I didn't care.

My mindset has always been that you can never please everyone so its best to just be true to yourself. When you tell the truth every door that closes is replaced by another you would have more fun entering anyway.

I'm a short arse black guy with an average sized cock and in a group situation love to indulge in mutual cock sucking if everyone is up for it. None of these fact have stopped me having my fair share of fun as a swinger and none of these facts stopped the woman I am with from falling in love with me.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think it is a real shame that people still feel that they have to hide aspects of their sexuality on a swinging site. I mean come on isn't sexual liberation what swinging is supposed to be all about??

I don't think it's the swinging scene they're hiding it from. As least, not all are.

I've known that I'm mildly curious for years, but have always (until recently) left my status as straight. Not to dupe anyone on here, but out of paranoia that my profile would somehow be discovered by someone I know. The older I get though, the less I actually care what anyone else thinks.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I happily meet openly bi men

But wouldn't meet a man who was bi but lied on his profile and said he was straight

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By *hetalkingstoveMan
over a year ago

London

It's a preference, and if peopke can't accept preferences perhaps swinging ain't where they should be."

It's amazing how many people think saying 'it's a preference' is somehow a winning argument.

Yeah, no shit it's a preference. What else would it be? A banana?

But preferences can be racist. They can be homophobic.

People can either defend their 'no blacks' type of demands and argue for why it's OK, or they are free not to bother.

But just 'it's a preference!' is not any kind of useful point.

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