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The amazing messages appreciation thread

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By *estofboth OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Just received a message referring to the female here as “wank fodder”.

Honestly the mind boggles, however it seemed too funny not to share.

What other classics do people get in messages that are so ridiculous that you have to laugh, even though they make you fear for the state of humanity?

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

"

I admire your restraint.

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By *estofboth OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

I wonder if that’s how he introduces himself at parties

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

I admire your restraint. "

It was unusual to say the least, had to read it several times lol

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By *estofboth OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff

Have you come across “how can I serve” man yet?

We’ve given him plenty of suggestions but the grass remains uncut, trees still need clearing. Worst gimp ever

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

"

Gives a whole new meaning too split arse!!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Have you come across “how can I serve” man yet?

We’ve given him plenty of suggestions but the grass remains uncut, trees still need clearing. Worst gimp ever "

Don't be sending him my way then lol

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

Gives a whole new meaning too split arse!!"
that's funny

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i got asked a while back where my pants rested when on the loo, ankles or knees?

i had nothing to reply with

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

I received about an hour ago (from a couple) "Nice cock". And yet time and again in the forums, single guys are berated for lack of content, unimaginative, single line messages

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"i got asked a while back where my pants rested when on the loo, ankles or knees?

i had nothing to reply with "

Ahahahaha that's so random

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By *a Fee VerteWoman
over a year ago

Limbo

Oh god, so many but a recent one where its author apparently wanted to throw me over their shoulder and take me as 'a spoil of war' which was an interesting turn of phrase

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 23/01/18 12:42:31]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh god, so many but a recent one where its author apparently wanted to throw me over their shoulder and take me as 'a spoil of war' which was an interesting turn of phrase "

That would quite tempt me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"[Yet more misspellings removed by poster at 23/01/18 12:42:31]"

Well, despite me saying I am interested in the ladies of fab, I still recieve offers from fab straight gents. A no strings massage was the more polite end of the spectrum. Rocking up to a car park and being subjected to what I was assured would be the most incredible sucking off ever was another.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

It's the ones that want to 'destroy me & teach me a thing or two' that amuse me.

I'll admit I'm not the most experienced person, could probably learn a few things but certainly not from something who wants to smash me to pieces!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"It's the ones that want to 'destroy me & teach me a thing or two' that amuse me.

I'll admit I'm not the most experienced person, could probably learn a few things but certainly not from something who wants to smash me to pieces! "

Wow never had a pm like that in 7 years here. I'd run a mile.

I had a request to "teach me to suck bbc please". Can't even remember how I replied to that one.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"Wank/suck fun?" was the final message from a guy, that prompted me to set my message filters to block guys

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Last week my mr was sent a message by my ex’s girlfriend asking him to meet so she could give him a bj while my ex watched.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"Last week my mr was sent a message by my ex’s girlfriend asking him to meet so she could give him a bj while my ex watched. "

Are they bringing Jeremy Kyle lol?!

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield

I’ve been asked several times if I’d pee in a guys ass while he sang the hills are Alive. I declined. Hate that song x

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows


"It's the ones that want to 'destroy me & teach me a thing or two' that amuse me.

I'll admit I'm not the most experienced person, could probably learn a few things but certainly not from something who wants to smash me to pieces!

Wow never had a pm like that in 7 years here. I'd run a mile.

I had a request to "teach me to suck bbc please". Can't even remember how I replied to that one.

"

Honestly... It's the consistent theme in my inbox!

Loling @your message though x

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I’ve been asked several times if I’d pee in a guys ass while he sang the hills are Alive. I declined. Hate that song x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had a “couple” message me. They wanted me to have a one hour wrestling match with fella. Mrs wouldn’t be there it would be recorded for her.

He would oil me up and we had to wear speedos. After an hour if I won I had to do a victory dance and humilite him. If I won I got to keep the Mrs

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By *estofboth OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I’ve been asked several times if I’d pee in a guys ass while he sang the hills are Alive. I declined. Hate that song x"

Feel the Hokey Cokey would be more suited to that particular fetish

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Every week without fail, one bloke tells me he is sub and available to do with as I please. I haven't blocked him cos it amuses me

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Last week my mr was sent a message by my ex’s girlfriend asking him to meet so she could give him a bj while my ex watched.

Are they bringing Jeremy Kyle lol?! "

If you knew them they would fit in well on there. Both part of the great unwashed and toothless brigade x

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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago

sheffield


"I’ve been asked several times if I’d pee in a guys ass while he sang the hills are Alive. I declined. Hate that song x

Feel the Hokey Cokey would be more suited to that particular fetish "

Ha ha. Must suggest it next time he messages

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By *estofboth OP   Couple
over a year ago

Cardiff


"I had a “couple” message me. They wanted me to have a one hour wrestling match with fella. Mrs wouldn’t be there it would be recorded for her.

He would oil me up and we had to wear speedos. After an hour if I won I had to do a victory dance and humilite him. If I won I got to keep the Mrs

"

After an hour of wrestling I think it would be bed time rather than anything else.

Did you get to keep her forever? Would be a pain in the ass accidently picking up another wife on a Saturday night. I struggled with a goldfish from the fairground.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Oh god, so many but a recent one where its author apparently wanted to throw me over their shoulder and take me as 'a spoil of war' which was an interesting turn of phrase "

There is at least the presence of eloquence and a clearly active fantasy mind at work there. Which isn't entirely a bad thing...

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By *onnie And Clyde9070Couple
over a year ago

Leeds

"You fuck now".

We won't forget this literary gem. Shakespeare wouldn't stand a chance against verbal dexterity such as this.

It seemed more of an order due to the lack of a question mark.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"[Yet more misspellings removed by poster at 23/01/18 12:42:31]

Well, despite me saying I am interested in the ladies of fab, I still recieve offers from fab straight gents. A no strings massage was the more polite end of the spectrum. Rocking up to a car park and being subjected to what I was assured would be the most incredible sucking off ever was another."

You need to take what you can get pal

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

I am waiting for a 'can I suck your c*nt' message

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Just received a message referring to the female here as “wank fodder”.

Honestly the mind boggles, however it seemed too funny not to share.

What other classics do people get in messages that are so ridiculous that you have to laugh, even though they make you fear for the state of humanity? "

Ha ha sorry OP but that definition made me chuckle

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

"

I had one similar but actually wanted to use a torch, made my eyes water it did

I also politely declined!

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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

I had one similar but actually wanted to use a torch, made my eyes water it did

I also politely declined! "

Eww. Just had a guy asking g me to video him being fucked by another guy for his wife

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...

He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I am waiting for a 'can I suck your c*nt' message "

Incoming

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


""You fuck now".

We won't forget this literary gem. Shakespeare wouldn't stand a chance against verbal dexterity such as this.

It seemed more of an order due to the lack of a question mark."

"U fuck now" would've had me positively melting.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Are you lactating??

He wanted some milk

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are you lactating??

He wanted some milk "

I plead not guilty

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By *itch and TwatCouple
over a year ago

Near Rushden Lakes


"I’ve been asked several times if I’d pee in a guys ass while he sang the hills are Alive. I declined. Hate that song x

Feel the Hokey Cokey would be more suited to that particular fetish "

This could be a whole new thread!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

"

Can't get the song out of my head now!! la la la, la la la la

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Are you lactating??

He wanted some milk

I plead not guilty "

Lol!! Gross

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth

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By *itch and TwatCouple
over a year ago

Near Rushden Lakes


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

Can't get the song out of my head now!! la la la, la la la la "

That’s another bloody earworm...

“Can’t get You Out Of My Head”

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By *itch and TwatCouple
over a year ago

Near Rushden Lakes


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth "

You win. Yukkkkkkkky Poo (literally)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Will you watch me swallow my own cum"

Nah you're alright...

x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.

I had one similar but actually wanted to use a torch, made my eyes water it did

I also politely declined! "

Well if it was one of those new led torches it would make your eyes water,they're bloody bright.

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By *educedWoman
over a year ago

Birmingham


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth "

Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth

Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied. "

Full or empty of what? I'd hope they at least rinse the bath out between visitors

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth

Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied. "

Sorry,I got waylaid. Full of course, floater check.

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By *itch and TwatCouple
over a year ago

Near Rushden Lakes

This really is a shit thread

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By *rouble1110Woman
over a year ago

Cleveland

Been told they'd like to smash my back door in

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth

Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied. "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth

Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied.

Full or empty of what? I'd hope they at least rinse the bath out between visitors "

Almost spat my water across the room then

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth

Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied. "

Sorry I forgot to get back to you, it was Full with the taps running, some nice bubble bath, with a few plastic ships (gives battleships a whole new dimension!!).....I was joking btw (I gave up sending messages months ago!)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Been told they'd like to smash my back door in "

He might have been a stupid burglar????

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By *rouble1110Woman
over a year ago

Cleveland


"Been told they'd like to smash my back door in

He might have been a stupid burglar???? "

Lol,he would have got a shock with what I keep behind the door

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By *onnie And Clyde9070Couple
over a year ago

Leeds


"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth "

You should have agreed and dosed up on Ex-Lax and sprouts prior to your visit.

That'd teach him a lesson.

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith


"This really is a shit thread"

The majority of threads turn to shit eventually.......

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Oh I think I've had the best message. Goes a little something like this

Wow. I'm wanking over your pic, I'm so hard

Ok. There is no pic

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By *rsTrellisWoman
over a year ago

Cambridge

I had one saying he wanted to cable-tie me in the back of his van and asking for my address.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...

He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni! "

Oh dear, one can't offer a certain experience and not even provide the experience in question!

Besides which in my own humble opinion, nuru massage is much more desirable! Both from my own point of view and the ladies I have introduced to this particular sensual indulgence who normally stock up on vast quantities of baby oil immediately after...

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ha thanks for this thread it’s certainly made me laugh this morning! X

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...

He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni!

Oh dear, one can't offer a certain experience and not even provide the experience in question!

Besides which in my own humble opinion, nuru massage is much more desirable! Both from my own point of view and the ladies I have introduced to this particular sensual indulgence who normally stock up on vast quantities of baby oil immediately after... "

*googles nuru massage*

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...

He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni!

Oh dear, one can't offer a certain experience and not even provide the experience in question!

Besides which in my own humble opinion, nuru massage is much more desirable! Both from my own point of view and the ladies I have introduced to this particular sensual indulgence who normally stock up on vast quantities of baby oil immediately after...

*googles nuru massage* "

I'm very glad that you approve Madam! For as it happens I'm of the opinion that you would look utterly exquisite under a thick rich film of decadent oil, very generously applied from head to toe...

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