FabSwingers.com forum: Should I feel bad?

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Last week was an odd one...

My OH and I managed to sort through our issues and things are better than ever, he moved to Turkey last year and is coming home for 6 months in March, so yay!!!

And then my beautiful, sweetheart, crazy nanny passed away.

I'm devastated about my nan, but at the same time really happy and positive about my relationship and future and I can't help but feel guilty!

I know my nan's passing hasn't hit me properly yet...but I just feel awful that I'm not more depressed

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last week was an odd one...

My OH and I managed to sort through our issues and things are better than ever, he moved to Turkey last year and is coming home for 6 months in March, so yay!!!

And then my beautiful, sweetheart, crazy nanny passed away.

I'm devastated about my nan, but at the same time really happy and positive about my relationship and future and I can't help but feel guilty!

I know my nan's passing hasn't hit me properly yet...but I just feel awful that I'm not more depressed

Your nan would not want you to feel guilty x

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

There’s no script or rules on how to react to situations like this. I’d just suggest around other relatives be sensitive.

Ultimately I’m sure your nan would be glad you’ve found happiness. Life is for living.

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

The thing about feelings is that you can't make yourself feel them. You're either sad or you're not. It's great that your relationship is going well, enjoy this time.

Of course by the same token you can't help feeling guilt because you're not grieving how you think you should be but what is the correct length of time before sadness hits you? It took someone I know almost two years to feel the effects of a parent's death.

Take it as it comes if you can.

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By *itch and TwatCouple
over a year ago

Near Rushden Lakes

"Last week was an odd one...

My OH and I managed to sort through our issues and things are better than ever, he moved to Turkey last year and is coming home for 6 months in March, so yay!!!

And then my beautiful, sweetheart, crazy nanny passed away.

I'm devastated about my nan, but at the same time really happy and positive about my relationship and future and I can't help but feel guilty!

I know my nan's passing hasn't hit me properly yet...but I just feel awful that I'm not more depressed

Hugs, your emotions will change over time, talk to people you trust if you feel the need to and try not to feel guilt.

Twat

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Last week was an odd one...

My OH and I managed to sort through our issues and things are better than ever, he moved to Turkey last year and is coming home for 6 months in March, so yay!!!

And then my beautiful, sweetheart, crazy nanny passed away.

I'm devastated about my nan, but at the same time really happy and positive about my relationship and future and I can't help but feel guilty!

I know my nan's passing hasn't hit me properly yet...but I just feel awful that I'm not more depressed

Your nan would not want you to feel guilty x"

You're right, she wouldn't. It's just a feeling I can't shake

things are finally slotting into place but I feel like I should very grieving more

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Don't you think though when you have a elderly loved one you know in your head that time with them is precious and when time comes ,you have already been upset .

I was like this with my gran .I knew she was frail and time was close .

Don't feel bad that you are happy with man comming back in your life .She would want too see you happy .

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You might find yourself grieving weeks or months later.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care."

She was almost 90...and she would want me to be happy!

I just feel like I shouldn't be happy atm...but I am.

Obviously sad too...but overall happy (which is a rarity for me)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care.

She was almost 90...and she would want me to be happy!

I just feel like I shouldn't be happy atm...but I am.

Obviously sad too...but overall happy (which is a rarity for me) "
.

I don't think most people over grieve for old relatives, there's usually a deep down long process of seeing the end coming and a realisation of a "good innings",a tinge of sadness for the good memories that are gone is perfectly normal!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care.

She was almost 90...and she would want me to be happy!

I just feel like I shouldn't be happy atm...but I am.

Obviously sad too...but overall happy (which is a rarity for me) "

My mum has been saying she is ready to go since her 70s. My dad died when she was 61. I hate thinking about it, but at 86, I know she's ready. That's how I console myself.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care.

She was almost 90...and she would want me to be happy!

I just feel like I shouldn't be happy atm...but I am.

Obviously sad too...but overall happy (which is a rarity for me) .

I don't agree with that my Nan was 100 but it hit me hard when she died and I miss her everyday and will never stop. She was my rock growing up.

Often you don't feel so sad at the time but feel more sad later when it sinks in.

Old people are still loved family members and we still grieve their passing. It's not as shocking as a younger person obviously but it's still a huge part of our lives gone XXX

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care.

She was almost 90...and she would want me to be happy!

I just feel like I shouldn't be happy atm...but I am.

Obviously sad too...but overall happy (which is a rarity for me) .

I don't agree with that my Nan was 100 but it hit me hard when she died and I miss her everyday and will never stop. She was my rock growing up.

Often you don't feel so sad at the time but feel more sad later when it sinks in.

Old people are still loved family members and we still grieve their passing. It's not as shocking as a younger person obviously but it's still a huge part of our lives gone XXX"

Oh I'm devastated she's gone! I was super close to my nan growing up...I've cried a little and the sadness is there. I just feel bad that I'm happy otherwise...

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By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care.

She was almost 90...and she would want me to be happy!

I just feel like I shouldn't be happy atm...but I am.

Obviously sad too...but overall happy (which is a rarity for me) .

I don't agree with that my Nan was 100 but it hit me hard when she died and I miss her everyday and will never stop. She was my rock growing up.

Often you don't feel so sad at the time but feel more sad later when it sinks in.

Old people are still loved family members and we still grieve their passing. It's not as shocking as a younger person obviously but it's still a huge part of our lives gone XXX"

Agreed. My parents as you might imagine are very elderly. I'm damn sure I'm going to grieve for them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guilt when a loved one dies is not an unusual phenomenon but it is irrational. Your nan loved you dearly and would want your happiness to be paramount to you. Celebrate the wonderful times you had together, she’d a tear when you miss her, but most of all really enjoy the time you have with your man when he returns and the anticipation of his imminent return. Why? Because that’s she would want you to do.

Condolences on the passing of your nan xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Guilt when a loved one dies is not an unusual phenomenon but it is irrational. Your nan loved you dearly and would want your happiness to be paramount to you. Celebrate the wonderful times you had together, she’d a tear when you miss her, but most of all really enjoy the time you have with your man when he returns and the anticipation of his imminent return. Why? Because that’s she would want you to do.

Condolences on the passing of your nan xx"

Thank you

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By *ensual temptressWoman
over a year ago

Southampton

If you have happy moments embrace them ! life is challenging, enjoy the good moments any chance you get . Then when you have to face such sadness as the loss of your nan you have the strength to do so. My thoughts and wishes are with you op x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Feelings are feelings, they're not things you can control so you have no reason to feel guilty.

Yes it's sad your nana passed away but you have positive things happening too. It's natural to feel a whole load of things at once.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think it’s a age thing too. My nan is 88 and I’m prepared for her death, I know that it will be some point soon as she’s lived a long age and no longer has quality of life due to being in a care home. However I lost my Mum in sept and I still haven’t come to terms with it, some days it hits me like a brick and I just can’t function- my mum was unexpected she was in her 60s and had the energy of a woman half her age so on that point it was harder.

Your nan wouldn’t want you mourning her She would want you to celebrate her long life and live yours to your full potential

Mrs x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grief is a very individual thing, everyone copes in their own way, there are no rules on it.

Guilt is common but illogical!

Try and be kind to yourself, your feelings are just that, Yours alone, and sometimes sadness highlights the happy times and vice versa.

Take care x

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"Last week was an odd one...

My OH and I managed to sort through our issues and things are better than ever, he moved to Turkey last year and is coming home for 6 months in March, so yay!!!

And then my beautiful, sweetheart, crazy nanny passed away.

I'm devastated about my nan, but at the same time really happy and positive about my relationship and future and I can't help but feel guilty!

I know my nan's passing hasn't hit me properly yet...but I just feel awful that I'm not more depressed

"
Sorry to hear this my little Strumpet . My aunt died last week too . Its not unusual for grief to hit you even months later. Both my parents died within a couple of years of each other and i tried hard to carry on , but months later id randomly cry about it . So dont feel guilty xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

Thank you all

I know she'd want me to be happy and I'm gonna focus on that as much as possible and make her proud!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grief comes in all shapes and sizes, when my best friend passed last year it took me a while for that process to start, it wasn’t until I went to where we used to work together and stuff, sometimes it also suprises you in ways you didn’t know, you will feel sad of course but sometimes that bursting into tears etc doesn’t come and it doesn’t mean you aren’t grieving but it just means you know that person is out of pain and suffering. Here if you need anything xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grief doesn’t have to be depression. We all cope differently.

Good news about you and your OH though. I wish you the best.

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Grief comes in all shapes and sizes, when my best friend passed last year it took me a while for that process to start, it wasn’t until I went to where we used to work together and stuff, sometimes it also suprises you in ways you didn’t know, you will feel sad of course but sometimes that bursting into tears etc doesn’t come and it doesn’t mean you aren’t grieving but it just means you know that person is out of pain and suffering. Here if you need anything xxx"

Thank you xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Grief doesn’t have to be depression. We all cope differently.

Good news about you and your OH though. I wish you the best. "

Thanks doll

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By *rimson_RoseWoman
over a year ago

Tamworth

Not at all. She would surely want you to take happiness in your life where you can find it.

You may find it hits you later, but if not, you've done nothing wrong at all.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm assuming your nan was quite old.

I think, when you get to that age, you're ready to go. She's had her life, you are still having yours.

Feeling happy about something doesn't mean you don't care.

She was almost 90...and she would want me to be happy!

I just feel like I shouldn't be happy atm...but I am.

Obviously sad too...but overall happy (which is a rarity for me) .

I don't agree with that my Nan was 100 but it hit me hard when she died and I miss her everyday and will never stop. She was my rock growing up.

Often you don't feel so sad at the time but feel more sad later when it sinks in.

Old people are still loved family members and we still grieve their passing. It's not as shocking as a younger person obviously but it's still a huge part of our lives gone XXX"
.

That's why I wrote most people not all people

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People handle grief in different ways there is no right or wrong and it's not a competition either.

My Dad passed away a couple of years ago the grieving process didn't start for me until a month later and it was the silly things that would remind me of him comments he'd make jokes we'd share watching cricket together etc

One thing that I am sure off is that no matter how you grieve always cherish the time you spent together and hold them in your heart

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By *uke olovingmanMan
over a year ago

Gravesend

Smile and remember your wonderful crazy nan .... she'd be happy that you have such fond memories of her xxx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There are no right or wrong feelings... they just are; and change from day to day time to time. They never live in a tidy little box to be brought out and put away to fit any one event because life is not a series of any one events.

No guilt should attach to you because you don't feel what you or others think you should feel or when you should feel them.

Just accept what they are as they are...its all anyone can do.

I'm sorry for your loss OP and hope you remember the smiles the good times and all you shared with your nan.

Some days will be good some days won't but your feelings they are yours. It doesn't matter what other people think they should be.

Just live them one day at a time...thats all anyone can do x

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