FabSwingers.com forum: In appropriate touching man on man

By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago

harrow

Last night I was in a club and playing with a couple. She has asked to play and we were in an open room

During play the guy grabed my balls compeltely without asking. Now I am straight, and I did say no thank you and moved his hand away, and then it ruined the scenario for me to stop and leave

Now yes I had consented to play, but I hadn’t consent for man on man touching. I have played with couples loads so it’s not that.

Today I have felt kinda a bit like my personal space had been invaded. I know I was polite enough in my response. But the guy never even said sorry or came up after and apologised.

Now to me if I was to do that to a woman without asking I would expect to be told I was out of order. I contemplated speaking to club. I must say I kinda understand more now how some women and couples feel when other way round

What’s people’s thoughts on this. I suppose if a straight women was touched by a bi women would you feel the same as well?

Feeling uncomfortable today

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Yes I'd feel the same,I'm straight and don't really want wondering hand's from other women.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was wrong of him to do that. I'd have pulled him up on it. That's why I don't do clubs these days.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yes agreed that he should have asked before touching!

But did you talk before? did they say that the male was BI? did you ask? as in what are you both into?

can be a bit of a minefield playing with a coouple somethimes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's sexual assault. You should've told the club. He should've apologised. Don't feel bad.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/01/18 13:33:16]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

This is how it begins.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should of grabbed his bollocks in return....except squeezed rather hard

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"This is how it begins."

Was that how it was for you?

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

"This is how it begins."
what's that

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"This is how it begins.

Was that how it was for you?"

I was just about to say exactly the same

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

It might attenuate some of the immediate passion of the moment, but I’d recommend setting the ground rules prior to any such encounter.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think same gender sexual touching during a threesome scenario most definate requires prior consent, or at least knowledge that the other person is comfortable with such play. I also think there should be caution when male-male touching takes place in a public sex area, unless it is a bisexual party.

Mrs

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

I'm a woman lol. U still in the 50s son

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Yes I'd feel the same,I'm straight and don't really want wondering hand's from other women."

This for me too. Had it happen in club on holiday, they couldn't understand why it wasn't ok, to touch me inappropriately.

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Yes agreed that he should have asked before touching!

But did you talk before? did they say that the male was BI? did you ask? as in what are you both into?

can be a bit of a minefield playing with a coouple somethimes

I think this is bang on. You were invited to play by one half of a couple & accepted. Did you clarify if they both wanted to play, did you make it clear that you were only interested in playing with her? Equally did they just assume you wanted to play with both?

I would have (& still would do today) report it to the club as it’s not appropriate if there is no agreement.

I’d also make sure next time you play with a couple you establish exactly what they are expecting from the play & make them aware of your own limits. Gomez & I have had a couple of MFM threesomes with bi guys, but made it clear G is straight & not open to guy on guy play. The communication is key before hand!

Sorry this happened OP, it’s not nice xx

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By *ophieslutTV/TS
over a year ago

Central

I've been touched without consent by many people at clubs and will report the excessive, persistent and worst of it - plus those who don't accept no thanks.

I think it's wise to communicate with partners that you engage with if you have boundaries and what you want, so that there are no misunderstandings.

I understand feeling uncomfortable about being touched, as it has played on my experience at times. As soon as you enter an environment where you are with more than one person then it becomes difficult to anticipate and possibly manage to your full satisfaction.

I have restricted things to lockable rooms and explained what I want much of the time. This way you lose out on some things but have fuller control.

It's worth considering whether you would respond differently if a situation had included alternative participants - if so, I then accept that my reaction is fully something that I can handle and deal with, as it's inside of me, based upon what I have decided.

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Last night I was in a club and playing with a couple. She has asked to play and we were in an open room

During play the guy grabed my balls compeltely without asking. Now I am straight, and I did say no thank you and moved his hand away, and then it ruined the scenario for me to stop and leave

Now yes I had consented to play, but I hadn’t consent for man on man touching. I have played with couples loads so it’s not that.

Today I have felt kinda a bit like my personal space had been invaded. I know I was polite enough in my response. But the guy never even said sorry or came up after and apologised.

What’s people’s thoughts on this. I suppose if a straight women was touched by a bi women would you feel the same as well?

Feeling uncomfortable today "

I can only say that I am very surprised that this is the first time this has happened to you . From our very first visit to a club ( over six years ago ) , and countless times thereafter , a guy has inappropriately touched me and I have always said no thanks . The first time it happened we left the room and I chatted with a few more experienced couples who told me it was par for the course , and not to make a big deal of it . Which I did , and although I always made it clear I was straight before play , in various plays thereafter I’ve lost count of the times a guy has grabbed , stroked and even sucked my cock .

To be honest , we stopped going to clubs and avoid group play now so it doesn’t happen any more . But don’t let it get you down , you said no , he stopped , and it’s no big deal . Par for the course even ......

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By *ackDMissMorganCouple
over a year ago

Halifax

"Yes I'd feel the same,I'm straight and don't really want wondering hand's from other women."

This for me too

Miss

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Childish. He feels awful about it. How rude

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Yes agreed that he should have asked before touching!

But did you talk before? did they say that the male was BI? did you ask? as in what are you both into?

can be a bit of a minefield playing with a coouple somethimes

It is a minefield , but I think it was for the male of the couple to ask if he could touch, before he lunged in. We always make it clear to a single guy that hubby is not bi and expect that to be respected

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe it's just me but when consenually playing with a couple or in a group with no limits having been stated at the outset, I'd expect touching from everyone. Why wouldn't it be that way?

If you did make it clear at the start and it happened anyway then that's different, of course.

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By *ewnameCouple
over a year ago

Glasgow

straight or not, it's your body and it's up to you who touches it, if you agree to meet a couple and that's the deal well, thats the deal ( when I was young, I used to meet a couple and all the guy wanted to do was guide it in, lol ok I got to fuck his wife lol ) but touching you up in a club lol you are a better man than me, I am a nice guy but I would have had a quiet word with him lol, hope it does not put you off, after all it takes all kinds, but it would be nice to be asked first. Have a FAB time and put it in the past.But like you say chat to the club and if they are reputibale they will deal with it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/01/18 13:59:47]

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

It’s sexual assault and I imagine happens in clubs which is the main reason I’ve never been to a club.

Hope you are ok OP?

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By *exymidscouple2017Couple
over a year ago

Birmingham

"It might attenuate some of the immediate passion of the moment, but I’d recommend setting the ground rules prior to any such encounter. "

Totally agree with this. That's what we do once we enter the room to play in a club. Then we know which line not to cross. And vice versa.

The man of the couple should have apologized. After all I agree if that was done to his Mrs it would not have been acceptable. It could have easily been in the moment but once he realised what he had done he should have said 'sorry mate.' *mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think some of the responses here have summed it up pretty well really.

Personally I think if all parties are bi, and you already know this, you would probably be fine to go with the flow sexually. If you don't know, or have specific requirements yourself, IE don't want guys or girls to do certain things then it comes down to communication. A quick chat to see what everyone is or isn't into. Sex without any communication is going to be a lucky (or un lucky) dip.

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

That would be retaliation not self defence.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Last night I was in a club and playing with a couple. She has asked to play and we were in an open room

During play the guy grabed my balls compeltely without asking. Now I am straight, and I did say no thank you and moved his hand away, and then it ruined the scenario for me to stop and leave

Now yes I had consented to play, but I hadn’t consent for man on man touching. I have played with couples loads so it’s not that.

Today I have felt kinda a bit like my personal space had been invaded. I know I was polite enough in my response. But the guy never even said sorry or came up after and apologised.

What’s people’s thoughts on this. I suppose if a straight women was touched by a bi women would you feel the same as well?

Feeling uncomfortable today "

Happened to me a few times, yes its definitely off putting. I meantioned it on here in a forum and got slated of bi men and bi couples who seem to think you've the weirdo for not wanting your cock sucked off a men!

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Was just about to say the same x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was just about to say the same x"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a woman lol. U still in the 50s son"

Are you serious?!

I read this as "it's not the 50s don't be homophobic".

If that is what you are actually implying, your attitude and lack of comprehension about informed and affirmed consent is as bad as the guy in the club who committed the assault to start with!

No one, male or female has the right to touch any part of me without my express consent. My sexuality is absolutely irrelevant.

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

R u mad? Read the thread before jumping on me. The comment wasn't for the op

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If someone grabbed your balls in the street and you punched them and caused damage, assuming there's film evidence or witnesses, in a court of law assuming the force is not excessive you would probably get away with it.

Case number two, you are in a sex club, naked and involved sexually with a couple at the time, one partner from the couple touches your balls, you react by a couple of takedown jabs to the jaw, causing damage.

No evidence of prior agreements sexually.

You get done for assault, abh, gbh etc.

I agree the guy shouldn't have touched you really, I guess he assumed, as did you that he wouldn't touch you. Again, everyone needs to communicate first.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I'm a woman lol. U still in the 50s son

Are you serious?!

I read this as "it's not the 50s don't be homophobic".

If that is what you are actually implying, your attitude and lack of comprehension about informed and affirmed consent is as bad as the guy in the club who committed the assault to start with!

No one, male or female has the right to touch any part of me without my express consent. My sexuality is absolutely irrelevant."

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Absolutely

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"R u mad? Read the thread before jumping on me. The comment wasn't for the op "

Not sure if this was meant for my post or the one immediately above yours....

Try leaving some of the comment you are replying to as a quote. It stops ambiguity about what post you're referring to.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

completely out of order

ive been groped by men in clubs who think just cos im there thats what im there for , actually fellas do need to seek permission before going in for it ,hands off until invited please !!!

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

"R u mad? Read the thread before jumping on me. The comment wasn't for the op

Not sure if this was meant for my post or the one immediately above yours....

Try leaving some of the comment you are replying to as a quote. It stops ambiguity about what post you're referring to."
I shall take that as an apology

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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago

harrow

Thanks guys - let me clarify some points. This first time for a long time this has happened - 10 years ago at a party. The guy was removed from party

For me, in a club situation I have always assumed that couples are straight. We didn’t discuss our boundaries, and we were playing together - in a straight mfm.

Now for me and maybe it’s my own expectations that man on man Should still have a confirmation are you ok.

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Thanks guys - let me clarify some points. This first time for a long time this has happened - 10 years ago at a party. The guy was removed from party

For me, in a club situation I have always assumed that couples are straight. We didn’t discuss our boundaries, and we were playing together - in a straight mfm.

Now for me and maybe it’s my own expectations that man on man Should still have a confirmation are you ok. "

Surely when playing in a group situation discussing boundaries before diving in is just common sense? Why assume straight? Inappropriate touching is inappropriate regardless of sexuality and communication generally avoids misunderstandings. I'm not sure why some see violence as necessary though. Some people's solutions for everything I guess.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Maybe people should wear different coloured wrist bands so you know their sexual orientation.

The bottom line is that is most definitely wrong and inappropriate, however, I think because it's in a sex club, there will be people who think anything goes. Rule of thumb, ask first, or quick chat first.

Even one to one I think most would chat about stuff first.

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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago

harrow

Well I have decided to email the club just to raise it and also I have taken it on as a learning experience

I must say that it’s interesting that if I had been a woman and I said a guy had touched me there would have been pitch forks out, but as a guy it’s my fault for not checking

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By *LUKCouple
over a year ago

Loughborough

I think giving him a punch would be a *slight* overreaction.

If it had happened to me, I would've just said no and continued on. It would have been a different outcome if he'd slipped a pinky up my balloon knot or jabbed me in the eye with an erection though but a ballsack grope isn't a punchable offence in my book.

He might not have apologised afterwards out of sheer embarrassment.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm with a woman so I must be straight.

I'm with a man so I must be gay.

I'm with a woman and a man so I must be straight.

No wonder there's confusion.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Well I have decided to email the club just to raise it and also I have taken it on as a learning experience

I must say that it’s interesting that if I had been a woman and I said a guy had touched me there would have been pitch forks out, but as a guy it’s my fault for not checking

Are you reading the same thread as me? There were calls for punching the guy! My response would be the same. Male or female. Communication about boundaries before is general common sense

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Maybe people should wear different coloured wrist bands so you know their sexual orientation.

Even one to one I think most would chat about stuff first."

You are right. Some people assume that if you are in a sex club or at a sex party, that you are ok with being touched, by whomever.

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

Just don't touch till u r invited not about confusion more presumptuous cheeky chancers

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Well I have decided to email the club just to raise it and also I have taken it on as a learning experience

I must say that it’s interesting that if I had been a woman and I said a guy had touched me there would have been pitch forks out, but as a guy it’s my fault for not checking

I don't think this is the case, most people are agreeing with you, that it was wrong

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By *onnie and JohnCouple
over a year ago

WILTSHIRE

"For me, in a club situation I have always assumed that couples are straight. We didn’t discuss our boundaries,"

OP never assume anything when meeting swingers, chat before hand and set boundaries that all are happy with. cc

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

I remember our first time at a club. It was a greedy girls night. My wife was enjoying the attention of 3 black guys. It was a fantastic scene! While she was preoccupied giving some oral pleasure to the guys, a white bloke got between her legs and started fucking her. After about 30 seconds she looked to see who was inside her and quickly sat up,held her hand up to the guy and said NO. Now was that r8pe? Sexual assault? Lack of communication? Or usual behaviour on a greedy girls night? No fucking idea. Was it worse than having your goolies touched by another man? Should i have beaten him to death with a dildo? Should i have encouraged my wife to write a strongly worded email to the club? What is the appropriate responce? AND HE NEVER EVEN SAID SORRY

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By *ara JTV/TS
over a year ago

Bristol East

Welcome to the world of sexual harassment

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Welcome to the world of sexual harassment"

It's not harassment, it's assault.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think everyone would have different expectations and their own perceived ideas too, as they would consider they are in a fantasy type anything goes world, while they are in that situation.

For me personally, when I was "totally straight"

I would have found the idea of having sex with couples totally uncomfortable. I would assume that the majority of couples were bi, bi curious or bi friendly to the degree that if inappropriate touching goes on, it's kind of laughed off.

Personally if I went to any sex club, gay sauna, sex party etc would expect to be touched even if I hadn't discussed anything first, I would also expect to have a few uncomfortable situations where I would be saying no thanks after people have touched me.I wouldn't have any issue with it myself in that situation. If it were in a different place, maybe the work place, pub, in public etc; I would then find it very inappropriate.

I personally think it's kind of one of those grey areas to some extent, having said that, I would always want some clarification first, making someone feel uncomfortable by touching, without asking first is easily avoidable. Communicate.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I remember our first time at a club. It was a greedy girls night. My wife was enjoying the attention of 3 black guys. It was a fantastic scene! While she was preoccupied giving some oral pleasure to the guys, a white bloke got between her legs and started fucking her. After about 30 seconds she looked to see who was inside her and quickly sat up,held her hand up to the guy and said NO. Now was that r8pe? Sexual assault? Lack of communication? Or usual behaviour on a greedy girls night? No fucking idea. Was it worse than having your goolies touched by another man? Should i have beaten him to death with a dildo? Should i have encouraged my wife to write a strongly worded email to the club? What is the appropriate responce? AND HE NEVER EVEN SAID SORRY

That's sexual assault!! If you were to ask him who gave him permission and he cannot definitively and explicity state where he was given the go ahead from HER to join, it's sexual assault. Fuck it! I'm not playing this blurred lines suit when you can easily just follow a simple rule that if you were not invited to touch, DON'T!

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

Yep that's right. Is it worth doing anything about though? Do you really want to end up in court, when you can just use the words "no" or "stop".

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By *affquestCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham

Interesting post (and reactions) because we have been in many a club and bi women always seem to think they can pounce on my partner without so much as a please or thank you.

At the last place we were in a hot tub and she got out and a woman pounced on her for a full on grope and snog. And we don’t do kissing with strangers.

I’m hoping it’s not one rule for one .....

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

You know when go in the dark room in clubs where "anything" could happen, or the glory hole where you don't know who's sucking your dick. Well, where do they keep the legal disclaimer form that says you don't mind who touches you? Or is consent given by just going through the door?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yep that's right. Is it worth doing anything about though? Do you really want to end up in court, when you can just use the words "no" or "stop"."

I don't give a flying f&*k about court while somebody is assaulting me. This is the kind of scare tactic shit that predators use on our kids. The court is on the VICTIM'S side... MY side of I'm being assaulted. Why the fuck would I fear that? Furthest thing from my mind. Assault me and I will assault you in defence, simple. Pardon my harshness on this topic, this gets me boiling. There's no excuse!! It's the victim's choice how they respond, and I consider it unfair to even limit their choices. I think people are taking this too lightly. This isn't someone who ate a chip from your plate without asking. It's sexual ASSAULT! Court? Yes please! Bring it on!

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"Interesting post (and reactions) because we have been in many a club and bi women always seem to think they can pounce on my partner without so much as a please or thank you.

At the last place we were in a hot tub and she got out and a woman pounced on her for a full on grope and snog. And we don’t do kissing with strangers.

I’m hoping it’s not one rule for one ....."

Punch first. Ask questions later. Its the open minded thing to do....

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Interesting post (and reactions) because we have been in many a club and bi women always seem to think they can pounce on my partner without so much as a please or thank you.

At the last place we were in a hot tub and she got out and a woman pounced on her for a full on grope and snog. And we don’t do kissing with strangers.

I’m hoping it’s not one rule for one ....."

What did your partner do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

" You know when go in the dark room in clubs where "anything" could happen, or the glory hole where you don't know who's sucking your dick. Well, where do they keep the legal disclaimer form that says you don't mind who touches you? Or is consent given by just going through the door? "

A dark room or glory hole doesn't need consent, as you have no idea who will be there. It still wouldn't mean someone has carte Blanche to do anything they please.

I would have thought that adults in a swingers' club should know what isn't acceptable.

If it's not bi night I wouldn't assume a woman was bi, and touch. Not until I asked, or they told me. I would expect the same from bi men.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It was inappropriate. When we have meets we spell out clearly what’s ok and not. Some people say it’s going too far, but it stops things like that happening.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal. "

Would you react the same if every man groped your cunt, without prior consent. It is a big deal to me, for me or my partner. Our bodies, our rules.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal. "

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"In all seriousness this whole thread is a very good example of how a group of supposed open minded swingers are clearly far from open minded .

Let’s just look at the facts .

A straight guy has an mfm in an open room in a swinging club , with a couple , and the guy grabbed his balls during play . He is traumatised ( despite being a seasoned swinger ) , and the suggestions from others come flooding in.

Punch his lights out .

Report as it’s sexual assault .

Be wary that this behaviour doesn’t cause ptsd .

Etc....

Oh my days , welcome to the playground ladies and gentlemen .......

Another poster who suggests that 80% of guys in here don’t understand swinging is slated as if his opinion is invalid because he is bi .

I’ve often thought we must be on the wrong site when I read responses on these forums , and this one highlights why .

I'm not a swinger, neither are many people on here or in clubs.

Bingo.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would punch the blole in the face. If he thinks he can touch me without consent, my fist should be allowed to touch him without consent.

100% inappropriate and you would lose membership and potentially be arrested if in the UK.

Exactly this .

What a childish and totally inappropriate reaction !

Last time I checked sexual assault is also a crime, in which case I'm defending myself therefore innocent.

What if you punched him in the face then he broke your jaw in "self defence", is that ok to?

He's the assailant here, do you realise that or do you not comprehend basic information?

So 2 wrongs DO make a right...... ok.

I'm not in the wrong, I'm defending myself. But arguing with someone as close minded is pointless so I'll stop here.

As pointed out by someone else your in a play room in a adults only club with no proof of what limits were set having sex with someone’s wife and they touch your balls you hit him and the police are called do you really think it will be looked up on as self defence. Or even worse some Innocent women gets hurt while your throwing punches about. It’s not being closed minded it’s being adult enough to walk away and report it.

I didn't realise the club changes the setting so much that sexual assault is not longer sexual assault...

You have committed a crime by touching me inappropriately without consent, there is no grey area here. Otherwise people would go a lot further than just touch and use the excuse "Oh, I was in a club so the rules weren't clear". Too bad the bloke had HIV and just stuck his cock in your wife. Would you also say to him, you can't do that?

If a club doesn't have set rules explained to new members, it's a shit club. And if it did, the bloke clearly ignored the rules and felt entitled so I would then feel entitled to react my way.

Again all about you and you wanting to use violence. Well keep on swinging your fist one day you’ll take a swing at the wrong person and end up coming worse off. Yes clubs have rules and touching without asking equals being kicked out (if the club is told) but also in the rules there is to be no violence in the club so again your no better than him as you clearly ignore the rules.

A victim of sexual assault is no better than the assailant because they use violence to defend themselves. Is that what you teach your kids?

For fuck sake mate! They weren't in Tesco! If you get kicked when your playing football do you call the police and tell them you've been assaulted? You're not in kansas anymore! "

Yes, if the person is not on my team or the other team and just ran onto the field and kicked me. Fuck yes, I'll consider that assault. So you can sexually assault people because it's not Tesco, right?

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

Why not? How would any other behaviour help?

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would punch the blole in the face. If he thinks he can touch me without consent, my fist should be allowed to touch him without consent.

100% inappropriate and you would lose membership and potentially be arrested if in the UK.

Exactly this .

What a childish and totally inappropriate reaction !

Last time I checked sexual assault is also a crime, in which case I'm defending myself therefore innocent.

What if you punched him in the face then he broke your jaw in "self defence", is that ok to?

He's the assailant here, do you realise that or do you not comprehend basic information?

So 2 wrongs DO make a right...... ok.

I'm not in the wrong, I'm defending myself. But arguing with someone as close minded is pointless so I'll stop here.

I didn't realise the club changes the setting so much that sexual assault is not longer sexual assault...

If a club doesn't have set rules explained to new members, it's a shit club. And if it did, the bloke clearly ignored the rules and felt entitled so I would then feel entitled to react my way.

A victim of sexual assault is no better than the assailant because they use violence to defend themselves. Is that what you teach your kids?

For fuck sake mate! They weren't in Tesco! If you get kicked when your playing football do you call the police and tell them you've been assaulted? You're not in kansas anymore! "

By your understanding if you're in a club you should be OK with being sexually assaulted as apparently it's a part of being in the club...

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I would punch the blole in the face. If he thinks he can touch me without consent, my fist should be allowed to touch him without consent.

100% inappropriate and you would lose membership and potentially be arrested if in the UK.

Exactly this .

What a childish and totally inappropriate reaction !

You mean predictable response from the 80% of guys on here who have no idea what swinging is.

Are you saying that swinging consists of inappropriate touching of genitalia, or the body? If so, I'm glad I'm not part of it.

No. I'm saying swingers know how to communicate without violently assaulting each other."

You mean by grabbing someone's bollocks and hoping they don't mind, knowing that swingers would be polite about it and you wouldn't get a clump; thus, no deterrent to stop him/her doing it again.

Thank fuck I am not a swinger then. I would be upsetting a lot of people in clubs. Not saying I would punch someone myself, as I'm not the violent kind, but I probably wouldn't last long in a club, because I wouldn't fit into their "Oh, it's only a bit of groping, no big deal" attitude.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

Would you react the same if every man groped your cunt, without prior consent. It is a big deal to me, for me or my partner. Our bodies, our rules. "

Damn right

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"I would punch the blole in the face. If he thinks he can touch me without consent, my fist should be allowed to touch him without consent.

100% inappropriate and you would lose membership and potentially be arrested if in the UK.

Exactly this .

What a childish and totally inappropriate reaction !

Last time I checked sexual assault is also a crime, in which case I'm defending myself therefore innocent.

What if you punched him in the face then he broke your jaw in "self defence", is that ok to?

He's the assailant here, do you realise that or do you not comprehend basic information?

So 2 wrongs DO make a right...... ok.

I'm not in the wrong, I'm defending myself. But arguing with someone as close minded is pointless so I'll stop here.

I didn't realise the club changes the setting so much that sexual assault is not longer sexual assault...

If a club doesn't have set rules explained to new members, it's a shit club. And if it did, the bloke clearly ignored the rules and felt entitled so I would then feel entitled to react my way.

A victim of sexual assault is no better than the assailant because they use violence to defend themselves. Is that what you teach your kids?

For fuck sake mate! They weren't in Tesco! If you get kicked when your playing football do you call the police and tell them you've been assaulted? You're not in kansas anymore!

The 3 on the bed were all on the same team. They were all in the same game.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

Why not? How would any other behaviour help? "

Would you be ok if a man held Scarlet down while another made her deepthroat his huge cock, making her vomit? Was is acceptable? None, or anything?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If such a matter of touching came to court, due to the environment and situation, IE in a club where random people participate in random sex acts, I truly believe it would get thrown out.

If sex acts were being carried out against someone's will, they are are asking for it to stop, there are witnesses etc, you now have a solid case.

I think it's where the guy touched first that would have causes this. If he couldn't communicate, and let's face it, lots of people can't or won't, then touching an arm or leg first would initiate the green or the red light from the other party.

It comes down to etiquette, also what's right and wrong, morally and legally, the issues arise because people's interpretation of these differ.

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By *allySlinkyWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

Would you react the same if every man groped your cunt, without prior consent. It is a big deal to me, for me or my partner. Our bodies, our rules. "

If someone in a club groped me without consent I would tell them to stop. I wouldn't punch them in the face or report them to the Police. I have twice reported men to the club staff.

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By *anky_PankyWoman
over a year ago

Filthy Fuckeryville

Mike I know you and think next time you'd be as well to simply say before play - just to confirm, I am straight. That should stop any issues in the future.

With regard to last night, you should have mentioned it to staff at the club concerned as if this person makes a habit of it and it wasn't just a mad moment of lust then he needs to be spoken to if you aren't happy to do it.

And when I say spoken to I mean politely and not as suggested above

I however know you are not like that Mike x

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

id still be scrubbing my balls today

cant stand a man touching me

geezers took a big liberty

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS
over a year ago

London

To the men : just say no and take control of yourself and the situation.

Dont be so vulnerable.

I have some spare skirts if you want to borrow.

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

Why not? How would any other behaviour help?

Would you be ok if a man held Scarlet down while another made her deepthroat his huge cock, making her vomit? Was is acceptable? None, or anything? "

None or anything? I don't get it?

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By *affquestCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham

"Interesting post (and reactions) because we have been in many a club and bi women always seem to think they can pounce on my partner without so much as a please or thank you.

At the last place we were in a hot tub and she got out and a woman pounced on her for a full on grope and snog. And we don’t do kissing with strangers.

I’m hoping it’s not one rule for one .....

What did your partner do?"

She was shocked and stunned. Looked at me and I said we don’t kiss sorry and she backed off but pounced again later in a play room. I moved her away gently with my foot as my mouth was busy at the time ( with my partner before you all shout out in horror and spill your tea on your lap ). She got the message .

We are not bi but are sometimes curious. My partner always always always asks the bloke first. Most say no and we expect and respect that. The women are more presumptuous and chance it.

It’s the future!

NB punching someone after they have groped you is an assault. (Don’t bother replying cos I’m not getting into that Pong Pong). Punching him to stop him groping you may be self defence as long as the force you use is no more than is reasonable to stop the assault upon you .

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

Ok stop talking about violence and what you would do please

Sorry to the whole load of people who quoted it with long posts

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

Why not? How would any other behaviour help?

Would you be ok if a man held Scarlet down while another made her deepthroat his huge cock, making her vomit? Was is acceptable? None, or anything?

None or anything? I don't get it?"

What is acceptable sexual assault? Should you allow none, or any?

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"To the men : just say no and take control of yourself and the situation.

Dont be so vulnerable.

I have some spare skirts if you want to borrow."

That is trivialsing it altogether and it is trivial

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"I cannot BELIEVE all the predators minimising sexual assault. I don't give a damn if the entire club had to get shut down, loss of membership, police called, etc. until the message is loud and clear... DO NOT TOUCH ANYONE SEXUALLY WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION! PERIOD!

FUCK cordiality, propriety, politeness, decorum, calmness, maturity, etc! Make it so that everytime someone does this it raises the firealarm, the sprinklers come on, police are called, court cases pending, visits to the hospital for perpetrators and maybe even funerals. This thread has made me even more determined now that I know the mentalities that are out there. I probably worked have texted calmly before but now that I know how some of you think.. I will react VERY violently now. Touch me and I'm using your balls as a speedball. "

I don't think swinging is for you to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well... that escalated quickly.

There's a lot of talk about what you can get away with legally here on many sides of the debate, but that just feels like generalised justifications to what are obviously very personal responses.

But for my 10p, regardless of laws, it come down to this. Did I tell the couple I was not bi? Did they ask me? Well if the answer is no to either there's a chance this was a genuine mistake and mixed messages. A no thank you was given and it was respected from what I gather? I would have told the club though. Because a pattern of this behaviour would be worrying.

As for using violence, I'd say that lashing out after the fact wouldn't have done anything to alter the event. It would, however, have made the aftermath very complicated for everyone.

But if the polite no thank you didn't work. If I thought for a second I was under physical threat, I'd of probably dislocated his shoulder.

And for me that's a key distinction. Self defence needs implied continuous threat. Otherwise it's retaliation.

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By *amissCouple
over a year ago

chelmsford

"Interesting post (and reactions) because we have been in many a club and bi women always seem to think they can pounce on my partner without so much as a please or thank you.

At the last place we were in a hot tub and she got out and a woman pounced on her for a full on grope and snog. And we don’t do kissing with strangers.

I’m hoping it’s not one rule for one .....

What did your partner do?

We are not bi but are sometimes curious. My partner always always always asks the bloke first. Most say no and we expect and respect that. The women are more presumptuous and chance it.

It’s the future!

She shouldn't have pounced on your partner, again, after being told not to, but sounds like you handled it, without becoming nasty.

I(fem) have had similar in a club abroad, but mainly with the foreign ladies, they are very liberated and most are bi they don't understand ladies who are straight. But even if I were bi, they are still not entitled to touch me, uninvited

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

Why not? How would any other behaviour help?

Would you be ok if a man held Scarlet down while another made her deepthroat his huge cock, making her vomit? Was is acceptable? None, or anything?

None or anything? I don't get it?

What is acceptable sexual assault? Should you allow none, or any?

Which point did it become assault?

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *abulously curiousCouple
over a year ago

manchester

So what's ur idea of "swinging "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I don't think swinging is for you to be honest. "

So you're that guy who goes around assaulting people. Then when they get angry you say... "I don't think swinging is for you to be honest". I'm glad you're exposing the fact that you think the swinging scene is an open free for all fondle fest where sexual assault should be calmly tolerated as a mere annoyance. No, swinging is not for YOU!

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"To the men : just say no and take control of yourself and the situation.

Dont be so vulnerable.

I have some spare skirts if you want to borrow.

That is trivialsing it altogether and it is trivial"

isn't *

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Sexual assault of any description isn't acceptable. Neither is violence. The lines are always going to be a bit blurred in a club situation especially when you've agreed to play with a couple, as in the op. The op has admitted to making assumptions about the couple. Punching the guy in this situation is as overreaction and a simple no thanks would be appropriate. Punching someone who's holding you down and forcing themselves upon you would probably be viewed as reasonable defence.

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *lem-H-FandangoMan
over a year ago

salisbury

I don't think swinging is for you to be honest.

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By *affquestCouple
over a year ago

Rotherham

"Ok stop talking about violence and what you would do please

Sorry to the whole load of people who quoted it with long posts"

Ha ha

Sounds like some people are not getting it , all this testosterone!

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"To the men : just say no and take control of yourself and the situation.

Dont be so vulnerable.

I have some spare skirts if you want to borrow.

That is trivialsing it altogether and it is trivial

isn't *"

Phew!

(thread closed by moderator)

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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Well... that escalated quickly.

There's a lot of talk about what you can get away with legally here on many sides of the debate, but that just feels like generalised justifications to what are obviously very personal responses.

As for using violence, I'd say that lashing out after the fact wouldn't have done anything to alter the event. It would, however, have made the aftermath very complicated for everyone.

But if the polite no thank you didn't work. If I thought for a second I was under physical threat, I'd of probably dislocated his shoulder.

And for me that's a key distinction. Self defence needs implied continuous threat. Otherwise it's retaliation."

Exactly this I didn’t say I was straight and he didn’t say he was bi. He chanced it, I was polite to say no and stop play as for me thanking I felt uncomfortable

I would never get violent as that is not me, and I dealt with it as best I could. It’s amazing to see the different sides of the coin

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"To the men : just say no and take control of yourself and the situation.

Dont be so vulnerable.

I have some spare skirts if you want to borrow.

That is trivialsing it altogether and it is trivial

isn't *

Phew!

I know

(thread closed by moderator)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It has happened to us lots of times in clubs when we have been playing as a couple with single men. Lee just says "No thanks mate, I'm straight". No big deal.

So a guy comes up in a club and shoves his bareback cock in your vagina and begins thrusting... how do you respond. "No thanks mate, can you just pull out there please."

"Oops pardon me", walks off.

Why not? How would any other behaviour help?

Would you be ok if a man held Scarlet down while another made her deepthroat his huge cock, making her vomit? Was is acceptable? None, or anything?

None or anything? I don't get it?

What is acceptable sexual assault? Should you allow none, or any?

Which point did it become assault?"

As soon as someone touches you inappropriately, without your consent. Try it in a supermarket; it shouldn't be any different in a swingers' club.

In Mike's case, the man assumed he wouldn't mind. Knowing that having your body groped can be upsetting, he should have asked before he went ahead and did it. The onus is on him.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"To the men : just say no and take control of yourself and the situation.

Dont be so vulnerable.

I have some spare skirts if you want to borrow.

That is trivialsing it altogether and it is trivial

isn't *

Phew!

I know"

I ignored that when I first read it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Some people are playing for team grabby fingers. Gotta have googly eyes stuck to the back of your balls these days to thwart them.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Folks, please don't PM me on this wishing to debate. Respond publicly so everyone can participate. Not interested! Thanks!

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Maybe the guy assumed because you were with both of them it was ok for him to touch you?

It obviously should of been discussed before you went into the room imo.

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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

"Thanks guys - let me clarify some points. This first time for a long time this has happened - 10 years ago at a party. The guy was removed from party

For me, in a club situation I have always assumed that couples are straight. We didn’t discuss our boundaries, and we were playing together - in a straight mfm.

Now for me and maybe it’s my own expectations that man on man Should still have a confirmation are you ok. "

Communication is essential always.

With the amount of diversity in this lifestyle, no assumptions can be made. While I don't condone unsolicited touching from outside parties, in a play situation I think the onus is on each individual to ensure clarity of their own boundaries.

Madame B

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Of all the couples I've met with, the guy has never ever reached for my balls or body parts, never tried to put his cock or mouth on me or touch me at all. Few have asked and were given the courtesy of a "no thanks". This is during spit-roasting, DP and full hands on MFM in the same bed. Now if those men understood that it's such a big deal that they must ask first, why does anyone feel they have an excuse or that the lines are blurred? I genuinely want to understand this mentality? Do we really want to send the message that going to a club or even playing means you're automatically fair game for anything? Are people really content to continuously say no thanks to every man or woman who grabs them without consent? Do we just accept this? I think our attitudes will determine how widespread this behaviour becomes so we need to get this right. I really want to hear from the guys/women who do this and I may have shut that down by my previous comments. Judgement aside for a moment. Why do you do this?

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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Thanks guys - let me clarify some points. This first time for a long time this has happened - 10 years ago at a party. The guy was removed from party

For me, in a club situation I have always assumed that couples are straight. We didn’t discuss our boundaries, and we were playing together - in a straight mfm.

Now for me and maybe it’s my own expectations that man on man Should still have a confirmation are you ok.

Communication is essential always.

Madame B"

Absolutely. You should never assume anything when it comes to this kind of thing.

Hope you're ok OP.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Of all the couples I've met with, the guy has never ever reached for my balls or body parts, never tried to put his cock or mouth on me or touch me at all. Few have asked and were given the courtesy of a "no thanks". This is during spit-roasting, DP and full hands on MFM in the same bed. Now if those men understood that it's such a big deal that they must ask first, why does anyone feel they have an excuse or that the lines are blurred? I genuinely want to understand this mentality? Do we really want to send the message that going to a club or even playing means you're automatically fair game for anything? Are people really content to continuously say no thanks to every man or woman who grabs them without consent? Do we just accept this? I think our attitudes will determine how widespread this behaviour becomes so we need to get this right. I really want to hear from the guys/women who do this and I may have shut that down by my previous comments. Judgement aside for a moment. Why do you do this?

But in the op example, the guy was invited to play with the couple. Both of them. The guy assumed just the woman. The couple assumed both. That's how lines get blurred. There was no communication. If I'm invited to play with a couple I expect to have to point out that I don't want female contact. If I don't and she touches me then I'm not gonna punch her! I'll just say that I'm not ok with her touching me. Both parties are at fault in that situation because i didn't specify that i didn't want one half of the couple touching me and they have assumed I'm ok with it. Other scenarios may illicit a different response. My responses to the thread are specifically in response to the op scenario. Nothing else.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

"To the men : just say no and take control of yourself and the situation.

Dont be so vulnerable.

I have some spare skirts if you want to borrow.

That is trivialsing it altogether and it is trivial

isn't *

Phew!

I know

I ignored that when I first read it

Story of my forum life

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

To clarify, please read my comment again. I clearly gave examples of full-on MFM play from my personal experience where every single man did not try to touch me or they asked me and we're told no. Why did they understand that they must ask whereas the guy who fondled the OP did not? Why? What process of thought is involved here? Not talking about punching anyone (though I did previously so not your fault) Again, I'm talking about full on MFM scenarios. Just want to understand why they do this? Why would they even assume someone's sexual orientation allows this? Why?

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

I think the most important thing here is and many have suggested it. Communication is key! Before any play takes place each member must set out boundaries. Without this how can one know what they should or should not do?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I can't answer why that particular man didn't feel he needed to ask. I wasn't there. None of us know what was said before play commenced. But he clearly felt it was acceptable. And again I can only speculate as to why people make assumptions but it normally happens when clear boundaries are not discussed beforehand.

I'm not condoning people touching others without permission, but I can see that there may be assumed consent in some situations. Rightly or wrongly.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not condoning people touching others without permission, but I can see that there may be assumed consent in some situations. Rightly or wrongly. "

This is getting somewhere.. Would you agree that we should be sending the message that "assumed consent" is misguided and potentially very harmful. If consent has to be "assumed" then the default position should always be to refrain.

If none of us were there you can't assume that "clearly he thought it was acceptable". You don't know that. You can't know that even if you were there. I didn't ask for speculation, I asked the very people who believe this is acceptable to comment and share their perspective to enlighten us. I think we can rely upon what they say to understand their thinking instead of speculating. That's why I asked them.

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Well I have decided to email the club just to raise it and also I have taken it on as a learning experience

I must say that it’s interesting that if I had been a woman and I said a guy had touched me there would have been pitch forks out, but as a guy it’s my fault for not checking

Not at all - if I agreed to play with a couple, I’d make it clear that I was straight & was only comfortable with playing with the male. If I assumed the female was also straight & didn’t communicate my boundaries, then you can’t expect that person to know them.

In a group play situation, unless communicated, the assumption would be ‘group play’. If I’m the one in the group with the limits, it’s down to me to communicate that.

Yes, they could have asked, but they invited you to play & you agreed without adding your conditions. They should also have apologised.

I accept you feel a little uncomfortable & that’s understandable, but to me, it’s a misunderstanding rather than a deliberate act of assault.

Hopefully you will remember the ‘communication is key’ mantra for next time OP!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Certainly not condoning what happened to Mike, and as I said in my previous post, I feel more caution and communication should be required before entering into same gender play. That being said, if a sexual touch without consent is considered sexual assault, then I have lost count on the number of times I’ve been sexually assaulted in a club. All too frequently have I had random men, not adhering to swing etiquette, reaching out and stroking a nipple or a buttock or a thigh. I tell them to stop and I regard it as bang out of order. But I never felt that I’d been sexually assaulted by these unwanted gropes. Obviously if they had continued after I told them to stop that would be a different matter.

Mrs

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

I'm not condoning people touching others without permission, but I can see that there may be assumed consent in some situations. Rightly or wrongly.

Just playing devils advocate, but there IS a difference between a gangbang & an orgy. A spit roast or MFM play is one where the dynamic of the play is multiple men on one woman (Greedy girl play if you will).

Group play, orgies, MMF etc are a different dynamic where all parties are playing with each other.

Again, the key point is communication.

If you are entering a situation with multiple partners, you need to be sure what the

Dynamic of the play is.

From what the OP has said, he didn’t communicate boundaries as he assumed it was a Greedy girl play. The couple, having invited him to play with them, presumably thought he was accepting an invite to play with both.

It’s neither right, nor pleasant, but it is a perfect example of how assumption is the mother of all fucks ups & communication is one of the most important tools in swinging!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/01/18 17:43:08]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was it bi night? "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's the same with Mrs she was in a club hot tub,a female who's on here spotted her and knew she's bi.She grouped her boob without asking

and her partner was really apologetic so regardless of what sex you are male or female consent should always be given and manners cost nothing.

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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Certainly not condoning what happened to Mike, and as I said in my previous post, I feel more caution and communication should be required before entering into same gender play. That being said, if a sexual touch without consent is considered sexual assault, then I have lost count on the number of times I’ve been sexually assaulted in a club. All too frequently have I had random men, not adhering to swing etiquette, reaching out and stroking a nipple or a buttock or a thigh. I tell them to stop and I regard it as bang out of order. But I never felt that I’d been sexually assaulted by these unwanted gropes. Obviously if they had continued after I told them to stop that would be a different matter.

Mrs"

The man in question did stop straight away. So that was fine. I have noted that maybe I need to be more explicit on what I want or don’t want.

In the past other bi couples have said oh the male is bi is that a problem and we have discussed but this guy didn’t. Now I think a key question should I tell

My boundaries or should they have said what they sexual prefs are or a bit of both (I think both but that’s me)

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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Was it bi night? "

No it wasn’t - it was a normal night - so the expectation was that it would be a ‘straight’ couple

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs

The man in question did stop straight away. So that was fine. I have noted that maybe I need to be more explicit on what I want or don’t want.

In the past other bi couples have said oh the male is bi is that a problem and we have discussed but this guy didn’t. Now I think a key question should I tell

My boundaries or should they have said what they sexual prefs are or a bit of both (I think both but that’s me)"

I think given your experience - be proactive

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

Communication

Is key

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

What happened isn't acceptable.

Having said that, when we meet with couples or single guys, we mention that I (mr) am straight.

I do wonder whether it would have made any difference to the guy in your meet though. If mm bi play was going to be part of the meet surely he would expect to mention it beforehand.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think same gender sexual touching during a threesome scenario most definate requires prior consent, or at least knowledge that the other person is comfortable with such play. I also think there should be caution when male-male touching takes place in a public sex area, unless it is a bisexual party.

Mrs"

Any touching requires consent, regardless of gender. Saying ‘same gender’ touching needs consent implies ‘opposite gender’ touching doesn’t. You cannot assume someone’s sexuality just by looking at them. Even then, there’s no guarantee that there will be mutual attraction or that the person is comfortable with it at the time.

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By *orticiaWoman
over a year ago

Wirral

"Was it bi night?

No it wasn’t - it was a normal night - so the expectation was that it would be a ‘straight’ couple "

Not necessarily. Bi nights are usually only for bi people, but they certainly aren’t excluded from non-bi events.

It’s that ‘expectation / assumption vs communication’ thing again.

Not all on you Mike - and you’re definitely not the only one on this thread who’s learned that the hard way!!

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

He was totally out of order and he should never have presumed it was okay. Yes I think you should have reported it. You didn’t consent to play with him physically.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was it bi night?

No it wasn’t - it was a normal night - so the expectation was that it would be a ‘straight’ couple

Not necessarily. Bi nights are usually only for bi people, but they certainly aren’t excluded from non-bi events.

It’s that ‘expectation / assumption vs communication’ thing again.

Not all on you Mike - and you’re definitely not the only one on this thread who’s learned that the hard way!!

I was under the impression that no men aren't allowed to do anything with men on non bi nights. Going by what I've read on here.

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"What happened isn't acceptable.

Having said that, when we meet with couples or single guys, we mention that I (mr) am straight.

I do wonder whether it would have made any difference to the guy in your meet though. If mm bi play was going to be part of the meet surely he would expect to mention it beforehand."

Quite so, it’s not difficult to ask. Never presume. As an example one bi club

night about a year ago. Just us in a room with a TV and a young guy. Only by talking did we find out the tv did not suck cock and the other guy was straight. No one was touched in the process of that evening

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not condoning people touching others without permission, but I can see that there may be assumed consent in some situations. Rightly or wrongly.

Then you won't get an answer then unless the person involved is on here and feels like answering.

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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago

harrow

"Was it bi night?

No it wasn’t - it was a normal night - so the expectation was that it would be a ‘straight’ couple

Not necessarily. Bi nights are usually only for bi people, but they certainly aren’t excluded from non-bi events.

It’s that ‘expectation / assumption vs communication’ thing again.

Not all on you Mike - and you’re definitely not the only one on this thread who’s learned that the hard way!!

Also it’s a greyness of consent - when you play do you consent to a couple or lady only. I didn’t give consent for him to touch, and I guess he would say well he was playing with us both so I wanted some

Thanks all for your feedback - like I said to a friend that I am angry with myself that I didn’t set the boundaries

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm a straight woman. But that's beside the point. If anyone touched me sexually without consent I'd deal with them right there and then.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Quite so, it’s not difficult to ask. Never presume. As an example one bi club

You and the TV should have said to the young guy 'Hard luck sunshine, you're ours now, mrs just likes to watch'

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I'm not condoning people touching others without permission, but I can see that there may be assumed consent in some situations. Rightly or wrongly.

Then you won't get an answer then unless the person involved is on here and feels like answering. "

Where did I ask for the "person involved" to come forward here? I said "people who believe this is acceptable".

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Quite so, it’s not difficult to ask. Never presume. As an example one bi club

You and the TV should have said to the young guy 'Hard luck sunshine, you're ours now, mrs just likes to watch'

I am the Mrs

Also I don’t get why people would want to chance rejection / upset. We just only like playing with people happy playing with us.

I’ve been on the receiving side a few times of people assuming at clubs. I don’t blame myself for them making an uninvited move on me.

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By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"Quite so, it’s not difficult to ask. Never presume. As an example one bi club

You and the TV should have said to the young guy 'Hard luck sunshine, you're ours now, mrs just likes to watch'

I am the Mrs

Also I don’t get why people would want to chance rejection / upset. We just only like playing with people happy playing with us.

I’ve been on the receiving side a few times of people assuming at clubs. I don’t blame myself for them making an uninvited move on me. "

Oops sorry!

Yes, exactly chat before and make sure it's all going to go as you expect. At best it is embarrasingly awkward and at worst, who knows?

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By *egasus NobMan
over a year ago

Merton

[Removed by poster at 13/01/18 19:16:28]

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Take it as a learning curve. We have been in awkward situation during play and definitely will make sure we never end up in that situation again, by making sure we clarify things.

I hope it doesn't effect your future play. Xx

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

sometimes play starts on a group bed session without having time for that chat - usually a quiet ask ( can i) with a glance or gesture before doing anything is sufficient - seems to work

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Mrs

Maybe I didn’t make myself clear enough. I was referring to a threeesome scenario similar to what the OP describes, and similar to what my husband and I usually do. My experience is that when 3 people consent to a threeesome, this implicitly means that sexual activity between the female and the joining male has been consented to. Whereas sexual activity between the 2 men requires a more explicit level of consent.

Mrs

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's not a nice feeling to be groped by someone you don't want to be groped by...

I haven't been to a club simply because I wouldn't like the wanking zombies lol

It's easier in a couple when you've got someone looking out for you.

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By *hubaysiWoman
over a year ago

Leeds

"Was it bi night?

No it wasn’t - it was a normal night - so the expectation was that it would be a ‘straight’ couple

Not necessarily. Bi nights are usually only for bi people, but they certainly aren’t excluded from non-bi events.

It’s that ‘expectation / assumption vs communication’ thing again.

Not all on you Mike - and you’re definitely not the only one on this thread who’s learned that the hard way!!

Thanks all for your feedback - like I said to a friend that I am angry with myself that I didn’t set the boundaries "

Not a good experience for you OP. In life we learn from these unfortunate events

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By *annysupMan
over a year ago

Yarmouth

He should have asked really. But you could have asked and made some rules before jumping in bed in an open room

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I would think it helps to have a more relaxed attitude to things if you were indulging in this type of play. Not condoning any sort of sexual assault but if the prospect of a wandering hand was that off putting then I would want to make sure it was me who made it clear beforehand how I wanted to play.

At least the guy stopped once you'd said no, so i would class it as a case of bad judgement personally.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Was it bi night?

No it wasn’t - it was a normal night - so the expectation was that it would be a ‘straight’ couple

Not necessarily. Bi nights are usually only for bi people, but they certainly aren’t excluded from non-bi events.

It’s that ‘expectation / assumption vs communication’ thing again.

Not all on you Mike - and you’re definitely not the only one on this thread who’s learned that the hard way!!

I was under the impression that no men aren't allowed to do anything with men on non bi nights. Going by what I've read on here."

I believe this is correct. Our first experience of a club together was ‘OurPlace4Fun’. When I was reading the house rules 4 years ago it was very clear that male to male public play was against their rules, although female to female perfectly acceptable. It was stated that this was standard swing etiquette. If it is still the case that men don’t play in public on non-bi nights, then what happened should not have taken place even if consent had been there.

Mrs

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By *lyreelMan
over a year ago

King's lynn

"I would think it helps to have a more relaxed attitude to things if you were indulging in this type of play. Not condoning any sort of sexual assault but if the prospect of a wandering hand was that off putting then I would want to make sure it was me who made it clear beforehand how I wanted to play.

At least the guy stopped once you'd said no, so i would class it as a case of bad judgement personally. "

At last, someone who is talking sense!! Be more liberal or be more forthright prior to engagement.

It was not sexual asssult, what a load of bollocks, oh, well it was a load of bollocks in the guys hand but did he hurt you or damage you?

No, he felt them, that’s all.

Mountains and molehills.

Now I do not condone his actions, but I can understand them to a degree, he is playing with his partner, getting excited at someone joining in, you arrive, you all go wahey, get stuck in and maybe he was caught up in the moment and had a wee feel o your scrotum.

I think you should be a lot clearer prior to grabbing the guys wife that he is sharing that you are not sharing your bollocks.

It then gives the guy ample time to say sorry but we all play or not at all.

Anyway, I would not lose any sleep over it, chill out, have a beer, have a smile and a laugh about it and put it down to life’s tapestry. It really is not a huge event in the scheme of things. Learn from it and move on.

Aw ra best.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At least the guy stopped once you'd said no, so i would class it as a case of bad judgement personally.

At last, someone who is talking sense!! Be more liberal or be more forthright prior to engagement.

It was not sexual asssult, what a load of bollocks, oh, well it was a load of bollocks in the guys hand but did he hurt you or damage you?

No, he felt them, that’s all.

Mountains and molehills.

I think you should be a lot clearer prior to grabbing the guys wife that he is sharing that you are not sharing your bollocks.

It then gives the guy ample time to say sorry but we all play or not at all.

Aw ra best.

Liberal, that was the word I was after yes

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At least the guy stopped once you'd said no, so i would class it as a case of bad judgement personally.

At last, someone who is talking sense!! Be more liberal or be more forthright prior to engagement.

It was not sexual asssult, what a load of bollocks, oh, well it was a load of bollocks in the guys hand but did he hurt you or damage you?

No, he felt them, that’s all.

Mountains and molehills.

I think you should be a lot clearer prior to grabbing the guys wife that he is sharing that you are not sharing your bollocks.

It then gives the guy ample time to say sorry but we all play or not at all.

Aw ra best.

Liberal, that was the word I was after yes

I'm liberal. I don't expect anyone to touch my genitals without my permission. Not even swingers. They should know better.

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By *lyreelMan
over a year ago

King's lynn

At least the guy stopped once you'd said no, so i would class it as a case of bad judgement personally.

At last, someone who is talking sense!! Be more liberal or be more forthright prior to engagement.

It was not sexual asssult, what a load of bollocks, oh, well it was a load of bollocks in the guys hand but did he hurt you or damage you?

No, he felt them, that’s all.

Mountains and molehills.

I think you should be a lot clearer prior to grabbing the guys wife that he is sharing that you are not sharing your bollocks.

It then gives the guy ample time to say sorry but we all play or not at all.

Aw ra best.

Liberal, that was the word I was after yes

Shall we start our own agony column?

Send you problems to Auntie Autumn or Uncle Fly for advice and resolutions.

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By *ust RachelTV/TS
over a year ago

Horsham

If a couple asked you to play, maybe the couple expected you to play with the couple.

It could be an idea next time to set the ground rules, before accepting an offer from a couple.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

At least the guy stopped once you'd said no, so i would class it as a case of bad judgement personally.

At last, someone who is talking sense!! Be more liberal or be more forthright prior to engagement.

It was not sexual asssult, what a load of bollocks, oh, well it was a load of bollocks in the guys hand but did he hurt you or damage you?

No, he felt them, that’s all.

Mountains and molehills.

I think you should be a lot clearer prior to grabbing the guys wife that he is sharing that you are not sharing your bollocks.

It then gives the guy ample time to say sorry but we all play or not at all.

Aw ra best.

Liberal, that was the word I was after yes

I'm liberal. I don't expect anyone to touch my genitals without my permission. Not even swingers. They should know better."

No I wouldn't in general but if I was mid play in a group session when nothing was discussed I wouldn't be surprised if it did either. Stopping after a no I would expect, anything else happening after that would be wrong

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Really useful thread. Thank you OP. Will make me think more carefully about my discussions, actions and choice of whether to use the dark room in clubs, particularly in group play.

As with many others on here, I've had unwanted touches in clubs. I chose to get on with enjoying the evening as they were really minor incidents for me. It sounds like the OP made that choice too. His choice to make and I really don't think he should be attacked for it.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Grow a pair!! Think about the context, learn from it. It’s hardly a case of being completely unpredictable. Calm down, see the bigger picture, flatter yourself from the attention. It’s ok it was only his hand trying to pleasure ..YOU!

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple
over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

"Grow a pair!! Think about the context, learn from it. It’s hardly a case of being completely unpredictable. Calm down, see the bigger picture, flatter yourself from the attention. It’s ok it was only his hand trying to pleasure ..YOU!"

perhaps it’s you not seeing the bigger picture

Playing on the scene doesn’t mean you lose all sense of dignity, morality and the ability to choose and more importantly consent to your sexual partners.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple
over a year ago

London

A lawyer speaks.

A sexual assault is where someone touches someone in a sexual manner and the person touched does not consent and the person touching does not reasonably believe they consent.

On the OP's Incident, the blokes defence would no doubt be he reasonably believed there was consent, given the circumstances. I think he would have difficulty with that. It's well known that except on specified bi nights the acceptability of male on male contact cannot be assumed in a mmf threesome at a club. . The reasonable person would therefore ask if the man was bi in that situation.

So yes, I would say it was sexual assault.

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By *ugby 123Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

O o O oo

I am sure it is being done on purpose now...time to shut

Can people not put on the forums about what violence you would get up to as Admin don't like it

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