FabSwingers.com forum: Why shoes are better than children.

By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

You can sell them on ebay when you realise they were a mistake.

If you get them home and realise they don’t match your outfit, you can usually get a refund or exchange them for better ones.

Charity shops will even take the older ones off your hands when you want to make a bit more space.

You only pay for them once… not for the rest of your life.

You are more likely to only buy what you can afford to have.

They never puke on your sofa.

They only scream ‘buy me’ when you look at them in the shop and once you have the screaming stops forever.

They don’t wreck the house if you leave them at home.

The older ones don’t one day decide you are a controlling bastard and feel ashamed to walk down the street with you.

They will never drag you onto Jeremy Kyle and tell the world what a failure you are…. demanding a DNA test.

They will never choose a skanky lowlife waster over you and send you hate mail for trying to ruin their life.

They won’t discuss you on the internet.

They accept your love unconditionally.

They will love you just as much as you love them.

If they hurt you no one will report you to social service for throwing them in the bin.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So true, does it apply to flip-flops too?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Ahh,but they don't cuddle you and tell you they love you,

or say "find it,get it,argos it!" in the most adorable voice ever totally out of the blue!!(3 yr old)

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

It doesn't matter how much of a munter you are or if you come from a long line of uncle-fuckers.... you can still have good looking smart ones.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

No one will judge you for having lots of them in different shades of black, brown, white, khaki tan or even blue ones.

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By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

when you have had enough of them, you can bundle them into a cuboard and not face charges...

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

They don't mind what they get for Christmas or Birthdays..... they already have the only labels they need.

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

they dont make you watch childrens tv all day either lol

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If their tongues are out it's not because they are standing behind you waving two fingers after mouthing the word 'bitch'.

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By (user no longer on site)
Forum Mod
over a year ago

A child wrapped around each ankle is nowhere near as sexy as the straps of your new shoes

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By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

shoes wont wake you in the middle of the night, demanding attention.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

It's a lot easier to fend off an attacker with a chunky shoe.

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By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

when you have a meet planned your shoes are part of the deal... children turning up would ruin the day....

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If something snaps off them you are allowed to chuck them out.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

It's not a police matter if your meet grabs the heels of your shoes to get a better thrust.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It is perfectly acceptable to let a sub guy lick them.

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

you certainly dont take your best kids out to a nightclub and spill drink on them lol x

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

You can fix most scuffs and scrapes with a felt tip pen.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

They come up nice and clean with a damp cloth or wire brush.

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

you can stuff some shoes in a bag and not get accused of trying to kill them! x

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If you buy them using a card they are insured for 90 days.... so it's no great loss if you leave them on the bus or train.

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

and you dont have to take a shoe to bed and cuddle them to make them go to sleep!

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Shoes will only ever expect you to buy their sole rather an sell your own.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

Shoes won't cry if the only toys you buy are for yourself.

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By *ornwall-maleMan
over a year ago

newquay

and you can leave shoes out all night in the rain when they are muddy! even tho i know some would like to do this to the kids lol x

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

When you stand on them they don't run and cry to their mothers.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

When you accidentally pull their tongues out they don't run and cry to their mothers.

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By *unky monkeyMan
over a year ago

in the night garden

When you tie them up with laces they don't run and cry to their mothers.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

You can cut their tongues out if they irritate you

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

They pretty much stay the same size.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shoes dont cry and tell you they hate u if u move house/area

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

On a day out you can chuck some spares in the boot of the car just in case the ones you have with you rub you up the wrong way.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

You still get shit on them though

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

If they start looking a bit tatty you can just use them for gardening.

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

You can customise them with superglue, glitter, a hole-punch and ribbon.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"You can customise them with superglue, glitter, a hole-punch and ribbon."

surely you can do that with children ?

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By *he_original_polo OP Woman
over a year ago

a Primark shoebox in Leicester

"You can customise them with superglue, glitter, a hole-punch and ribbon.

surely you can do that with children ?

Apparently social services get a bit arsey about the hole-punch.

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By *layfullsamMan
over a year ago

Solihull

"You can customise them with superglue, glitter, a hole-punch and ribbon.

surely you can do that with children ?

Apparently social services get a bit arsey about the hole-punch."
oh bugger

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

lol

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By *ce WingerMan
over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

As opposed to the cat hater, you can always put your dog in the bin. He has more chance of getting out or at least being heard.

Woof woof

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By *herry n JonesyCouple
over a year ago

Oxfordshire / Leicester

all valid reasons why I prefer shoes and have no kids!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Shoes do not throw up in the car after you have collected them late night after partying with friends.

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By *razydriver8Couple
over a year ago

plymouth

cinderella is proff that shoes can change nab you a prince....

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By *umbrian GuyMan
over a year ago

Cumbria

"You can customise them with superglue, glitter, a hole-punch and ribbon.

surely you can do that with children ?

Apparently social services get a bit arsey about the hole-punch. oh bugger

I wish I'd known that this morning

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

always have the right colour ones to match your outfit.

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