FabSwingers.com forum: Jokes

By *are_free OP Man
over a year ago

Crewe

Bored thought why don’t we do a joke thread, to amuse of all during these dull January days

...

How does Bob Marley like his donuts..

With.... JAMMIN!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes

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By *ensuallover1000Man
over a year ago

Somewhere In The Ether…

....So anyway, this guy is walking down the street when he spies a piece of dog shit on the pavement. ‘Hmmm...that looks like a piece of dog shit.’ he says to himself. The man then proceeds to get down on his hands and knees and gives the faecal matter a good sniff....’Hmmm....it smells like dog shit to.’ he muses. He then gently prods it with his fingertips; ‘It feels like dog shit also!’ he exclaims. Next, raising his finger to his lips and tasting it he concludes, ‘It even tastes like dog shit!’ Standing back on his feet the man professes, ‘It IS a piece of dog shit...............................lucky I didn’t stand in it!’

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By *are_free OP Man
over a year ago

Crewe

Sex is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

I was in the pub this afternoon,sat quietly enjoying a drink at the bar, when this big fat ugly minger came up an started chatting me up.

I asked "Excuse me, do you have a pen"?

She replied "Yes, why"?

I said "Well you better get back in it before the farmer realises that you've got out"

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

My new girlfriend says that a small penis will not affect our relationship.

That's all well and good, but I'd be a lot happier if she didn't have one at all

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

My wife has requested that when I'm receiving a blow job she would appreciate it if I told her when I'm about to come.

Do you think that I should phone her, or would a text suffice?

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

Nok

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

I received a parcel from Holland over the weekend.I opened it up and inside was a rubber pussy.

I thought "Lovely, two lips from Amsterdam"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Nok

Nok

Who's there?

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By *unguya2zMan
over a year ago

coventry..ish

Heard about the butcher lost everything gambling.....

The steaks were to high.

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

"Nok

Nok

Who's there?"

NOK

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

So, this morning I had to go to the sperm bank to donate.

The nurse asked me if I'd like to masturbate in the cup.

Now, I know I'm good at it but I don't think I'm ready to compete just yet.

(Posted that one before, but I like It!)

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Two dogs in a park, one says "When you fuck a bitch, do you wear one of those condom things"?

The second dog says "Durex"?

The first dog replies "I asked you first"

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Gareth Southgate went to see a clairvoyant ahead of the World Cup...

"Very interesting!" Said the old lady.

"What is it?" Gareth asked, "What do you see?"

"I see you holding a cup of some kind," she replied.

"Really??" He said excited, "What does it look like, "describe it to me..."

She said, "It's white and full of coffee."

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

According to Mersyside police reports, there are now at least 1,400 more hot cars in the Liverpool area.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

"Nok

Nok

Who's there?

NOK

WHO'S THERE?

Is the bell playing up again?

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By *eesideMan
over a year ago

margate sumwear by the sea

"Nok

Nok

Who's there?

NOK

WHO'S THERE?

Is the bell playing up again?

NOK

its a deff guy that carnt hear you say #who's there. So get up and arnsar the dor

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

janes divorced tarzan , hes to much of a swinger

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By *atsun xxxMan
over a year ago

Nr LOUTH Lincolnshire

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it.

One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you £50 I can guess what color your underwear is."

She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties.

After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess.

"Blue."

"Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.

"Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out.

When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear.

His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me £100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A group of stand-up comedians did a review of the year and stereotyped working class people as lazy, feckless racists who don't want to work and can't even show up to work sober. They then went back to their comedy jobs, working an hour a night while getting to drink while working.

No, I didn't think it was very fucking funny, either.

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By *rLucky777Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Two oranges walked into a bar.

One said to the other one.

Your round.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Do you remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject...

Now when you mention botox nobody raises an eyebrow!

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By *rLucky777Man
over a year ago

Leeds

Two moths in a bar.

One said to the other.

I’moff

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By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

What's the last thing to go through a fly's mind as it hits your windscreen?

It's arse!

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By *illyannMan
over a year ago

st helens

Idiot!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the Zoo. She's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast goes crazy. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand and his feet, grunting and pounding his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, proposes that his wife tease the poor fellow. The husband suggests she pucker her lips, wiggle her bottom, and play along.

She does, and the gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall. She does, and the gorilla is just about to tear the bars down.

"Now try lifting your dress up your thighs." This drives the gorilla absolutely crazy.

Suddenly, the husband grabs his wife by the hair, rips open the cage door, slings her in with the gorilla and slams the door shut.

"Now, tell HIM you have a headache!"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What do you call a woman that sounds like an ambulance ?

Nina

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By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

LADIES. Terrify upskirt photographers by sellotaping a photo of Brian Blessed yawning to your front bottom.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly.

Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs.

His gentle stroking then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and then returned to do the same to her right thigh.

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

"Why are you stopping?" she whispered.

He whispered back, "I found the remote".

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

Last night, a gorgeous, hot blonde girl,with big tits and a nice arse said that I was the one,

Unfortunately i was on a police line-up

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By *verysmileMan
over a year ago

Canterbury

"Dad, why is my sister called Teresa?"

"Well, it's because she was conceived after Easter and Easter is an anagram of Teresa. Does that answer your question Alan?"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

What's the deference between jam and jelly?

I can't jelly my cock in your mouth.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Was at the zoo the other day and walked passed a cage to see that the only thing in it was a large baguette.

I saw the zoo keeper and asked him what’s with the baguette.

He replied, oh it’s fine it was bread in captivity

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By *ookingforlustMan
over a year ago

northants

"What do you call a woman that sounds like an ambulance ?

Nina"

This one made me chuckle

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By *ailor_poonCouple
over a year ago

wirral

Went to see a queen tribute last night, was very boring.

All she did was wave

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

What’s the difference between marmalade and jam?

You can’t jam your cock in your gf’s arse..........

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"What’s the difference between marmalade and jam?

You can’t jam your cock in your gf’s arse..........

I think you said that wrong...

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By *oiluvfunMan
over a year ago

Penrith

"What’s the difference between marmalade and jam?

You can’t jam your cock in your gf’s arse..........

I think you said that wrong... "

Well spotted lol, and made me chuckle even more!

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

"E.T. phone F**K, Cock, P**S!!” -

E.T. the Extra-Tourettestrial....

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

I'm in Russia

Police just pulled me over.

He came up to my window and said.."Papers?"

I said "Scissors! I win!" and drove off.

Think he wants a rematch, he's been chasing me for the past 15 mins.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I organised a threesome last week, there were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time

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By *esparate danMan
over a year ago

glasgow

"I organised a threesome last week, there were a couple of no shows but I still had a good time

Was that a menage a un or a meesome

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By *ood giving gameCouple
over a year ago

York

So funny!

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

i went to see one of the worst faith healers ive ever seen last night

even a fella in a wheelchair got up and walked out

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By *ookingforlustMan
over a year ago

northants

I was sucking off my new Thai bride last night when I thought.....hang on a minute!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A parrot swallows a viagra tablet. His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Later when he opened the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. “How come you’re sweating?” He asks. The parrot replies, “Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of frozen chicken?”

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Wayne Rooney - "United have won so many trophies I can't count."

He's missing a full stop after trophies there.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

When my wife suggested we try playing doctors and nurses, I was really hoping for something sexier than being left in a corridor for 2 days.

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By *lutandhubbyCouple
over a year ago

west midlands

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team’s performance soars. They win the county, state and eventually national championship. A few days before the international grand finals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, “Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.” “What?” the coach says in a panic, “How far down does it go?” Penelope replies, “Down to my testicles. That’s something else I want to talk to you about.

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

Few people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist who created a monster from body parts.

His name was Frank

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By * and M lookingCouple
over a year ago

Worcester

I can't believe SKY have kept Jamie Carragher on.

He's just fitted my new dish.

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