FabSwingers.com forum: Sexist or humorous

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

A lady on Twitter complained about a train manager with Virgin Trains addressing her as Honey when talking to her regarding some issue with the trains.

The Virgin Trains reply was to say sorry about that and would she prefer “pet” or “love” in future.

Most on Twitter are appalled by their response.

Would you take it as them trying but failing to be funny?

Should the person from Virgin Trains be sacked?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I haven't read anything about it but their response sound's pretty bad to me!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

They’ve left the tweet up so far and have made no other comment about it.

Just seems a really thoughtless thing to say.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Yeah not a very good attempt at humour. Someone's gonna get a bollocking for that one!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan
over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I work in a little shop and I do have a habit of calling female customers darling all the time . Not one woman has ever been offended by it . However In today's ' you can't say anything to anyone without them being offended ' age , I do feel Virgin should have been a little more tactful in their response .

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Should the person be fired? No.

But they should be told not to be quite so condescending in the future.

I don't like pet names like honey, pet, love, etc. Not because they are sexist, but because they are generally condescending. The fact that he said it the first time isn't even the problem - the fact that he just couldn't help himself with the comeback is, though.

Customer service requires a certain degree of respect on both sides, and someone who can't stop themselves from being an ass shouldn't be in a position to speak with the public. Needs some training, I think.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *llie_worcMan
over a year ago

bristol

"A lady on Twitter complained about a train manager with Virgin Trains addressing her as Honey when talking to her regarding some issue with the trains.

The Virgin Trains reply was to say sorry about that and would she prefer “pet” or “love” in future.

Most on Twitter are appalled by their response.

Would you take it as them trying but failing to be funny?

Should the person from Virgin Trains be sacked?"

Sacked?, lose their house, their job and prospects of another and put intolerable pressure on their family for using an outdated term?....seems a little harsh to me even in these strange times.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

They’ve apologised now and removed the tweet.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It would make me smile, but i can accept it's poor form from a company

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I have no problem with anyone calling me honey etc but in the right setting, if you are complaining about something that the person taking the flak should have that line they follow and that’s addressing whoever it is with some kind of respect and not using certain language to try and differ from the situation. I mean if the train guy called a bloke a dude while he was complaining that sounds even worse!

Geeky x

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Should the person be fired? No.

But they should be told not to be quite so condescending in the future.

I think it was two separate people involved. The older gentleman train driver called her honey and the person running their Twitter account who asked if she preferred to be called love or pet.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should the person be fired? No.

But they should be told not to be quite so condescending in the future.

I think it was two separate people involved. The older gentleman train driver called her honey and the person running their Twitter account who asked if she preferred to be called love or pet."

Yeah, sorry, I read it wrong the first time. But my point stands for the second guy. Better training. It's customer service 101.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

I don't like being called love, honey, darling or any other endearment but I'd never complain about it.

However I defend this woman's right to complain if she wishes to and I think that if Virgin had simply apologised instead of tweeting a sarcastic and condescending response this would not be noteworthy.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Difficult to be able to fully comment because didn't actually hear the conversation but I bet the person says "honey" all the time without any malice or condescension meant.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

I don’t think they should be sacked by the way.

I was just noticing that quite a few people on Twitter were saying they should be or would be.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it"

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I call woman ‘luv’ or ‘hun’ , but only to those I know. Not to strangers though........ I have other names for strangers !

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Difficult to be able to fully comment because didn't actually hear the conversation but I bet the person says "honey" all the time without any malice or condescension meant.

Probably the same way some people may make sentences sound as though they’re asking a question without any malice or condescension meant

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

You need to put your best people in customer service who are empathetic with complaints *even if you don't think the complaint should have been made*.

Clearly it was inappropriate for the employee to comment in that way because the complaint should have been taken seriously.

If people who don't know me call me 'honey' or other pet names, I politely ask them to stop. If they were sarcastic in response then I would complain to their manager.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment. "

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I don't like being called love, honey, darling or any other endearment but I'd never complain about it.

Exactly. I think it was the response from someone representing Virgin Trains which has caused more issues than the original comment.

I hate being called dear or love by anyone other than my parents especially in a business environment.

I don’t think men would call other men by some term of endearment like that.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

I think the Twitter guy need's to be given another job within the company more suited to his sarcasm,preferably one that won't tarnish the company who pays his bills!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I wonder if there is anything anyone ever says ever that someone else can find to be offended about..even if it wasn't even said the the offended party.

Maybe I'm just too old to be a snowflake

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I find that when men refer to me as 'girl', calling them 'boy' quickly makes them rethink what they just did. Especially when accompanied with a withering look.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago

harrow

This is interesting- up north there are terms of endearment that I struggle to say because we don’t say it down south

If I was like cheers duck or love, ppl would look at me as if I was odd in London whilst in Manchester it’s kinda ok

I must say the train employee should be more appropriate

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Sackable? No.

In my opinion, the woman has been oversensitive about complaining, but, since she has, Virgin should respond in a way respectfull of the customers thoughts.

I would have said sorry that she took it in a negative way, it was intended as a friendly informal term.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ink Panther.Woman
over a year ago

Preston

Someone being sacked in connection with either incident definitely not. However it drives me insane the way ppl in the service industry etc address the general public. In Sainsbury’s over the Christmas period I was using the do it yourself tills. The lady overseeing the tills was in her 20s very pleasant and helpful. She addressed everyone that used the tills as sweetheart. She addressed me as sweetheart at least 3 times, it is incredibly irritating. Just why? I’m a stranger we’ve never met and I’m far from her sweetheart as I could possibly be

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I'm serious, though. I'm going to do it. Not in a patronising or condescending way. I'm just going to do it matter of factly, and see how guys react.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Difficult to be able to fully comment because didn't actually hear the conversation but I bet the person says "honey" all the time without any malice or condescension meant.

Probably the same way some people may make sentences sound as though they’re asking a question without any malice or condescension meant

Hung with my own petard!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder if there is anything anyone ever says ever that someone else can find to be offended about..even if it wasn't even said the the offended party.

Maybe I'm just too old to be a snowflake

I actually think that people who get offended at other people's offense are just their own perfectly formed little snowflake.

It's takes more than one snowflake to mow a blizzard....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Make not mow

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I work in a little shop and I do have a habit of calling female customers darling all the time . Not one woman has ever been offended by it . However In today's ' you can't say anything to anyone without them being offended ' age , I do feel Virgin should have been a little more tactful in their response ."

They may not have voiced their objection. That doesn't mean they like it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I find that when men refer to me as 'girl', calling them 'boy' quickly makes them rethink what they just did. Especially when accompanied with a withering look."

I (mr) say girl when referring to women, and I know lots of women who do the same. It is a common term and not condescending. In context I also say 'lads' when referring to men.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Depends on the context.

Most of those terms of endearment , honey, sweetheart, babe etc have innocent meaning but depending on how they're said and the subject matter they can be construed as sexist/patronising

But really it's subjective, what's patronising to one person isn't necessarily going to be for another person

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it"

And there we have it in black and white.

This tactic is often used to keep people down. Raise an objection and you then get demonised. She didn't like it so she must be a 'whining bitch' ..... what wonderful words.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

bitch is very telling ...... used so often that it goes unnoticed by many....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *urlesque!Woman
over a year ago

Gloucester

I dislike being called anything like "hun", or "babe" or whatever and I will say so when it happens. I am not offended and would not write to complain - I just find it a tad disrespectful.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I find that when men refer to me as 'girl', calling them 'boy' quickly makes them rethink what they just did. Especially when accompanied with a withering look.

I (mr) say girl when referring to women, and I know lots of women who do the same. It is a common term and not condescending. In context I also say 'lads' when referring to men."

I find it extremely condescending, especially in a professional environment.

If you wouldn't call a 30 year old man a boy, then don't call a 30 year old woman a girl.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

They may not have voiced their objection. That doesn't mean they like it."

Lots of small businesses use Darling, Love etc etc, I prefer hearing that to a sanitised globalised terminology.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it"

Ah yes. If you don't like being referred to in a certain way and you make a comment about it on twitter, you must be a 'wining bitch'. Lovely. Says an awful lot about you that you'd come to that conclusion.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *thwalescplCouple
over a year ago

brecon

I think people need to get over themselves.

Would you prefer to be called something sterile and cold like "sir" or "madam"?

I like that people address me differently, babe, hun, mate, dude, Chuck, love, pet etc, although I can see that perhaps one or two examples might be a little less welcome in certain situations.

I hate the march towards an homogenous society where everyone is treated the same, clinically and with no human warmth or emotion.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip. "

Showing endearment means to express love and/or affection towards someone.

I don't want random blokes working for the train company to show love and/or affection towards me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"Depends on the context.

Most of those terms of endearment , honey, sweetheart, babe etc have innocent meaning but depending on how they're said and the subject matter they can be construed as sexist/patronising

But really it's subjective, what's patronising to one person isn't necessarily going to be for another person "

In her original tweet, the lady making the complaint did mention context. I get the impression the original man who called her honey was quite dismissive of her and then calling her honey just topped it off.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

They may not have voiced their objection. That doesn't mean they like it.

Lots of small businesses use Darling, Love etc etc, I prefer hearing that to a sanitised globalised terminology. "

Yes I quite like it too, a bit of character breaking through

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"I think people need to get over themselves.

Would you prefer to be called something sterile and cold like "sir" or "madam"?

I like that people address me differently, babe, hun, mate, dude, Chuck, love, pet etc, although I can see that perhaps one or two examples might be a little less welcome in certain situations.

I hate the march towards an homogenous society where everyone is treated the same, clinically and with no human warmth or emotion."

'Madam' or 'Ma'am' are perfectly fine ways to address women. I much prefer it to over-familiar terms that are better suited to family, close friends, or even sexual partners.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip. "

Why does not liking something make someone a snowflake?

Does you not liking their dislike make you a snowflake?

I think the term snowflake is just the modern attempt at silencing opinions we don't like without having to go through the bother of putting together a coherent and convincing counter-argument. It's sounds so silly.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icecouple561Couple
Forum Mod
over a year ago

East Sussex

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I'm serious, though. I'm going to do it. Not in a patronising or condescending way. I'm just going to do it matter of factly, and see how guys react.

Let us know how it goes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *urlesque!Woman
over a year ago

Gloucester

I hate the march towards an homogenous society where everyone is treated the same, clinically and with no human warmth or emotion."

I agree and I hate that, too - that is why I dislike being called hun or babe etc. I prefer to be addressed by my name or if it is a more formal environment then "madam" will do nicely

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

I find that when men refer to me as 'girl', calling them 'boy' quickly makes them rethink what they just did. Especially when accompanied with a withering look.

I (mr) say girl when referring to women, and I know lots of women who do the same. It is a common term and not condescending. In context I also say 'lads' when referring to men.

I find it extremely condescending, especially in a professional environment.

If you wouldn't call a 30 year old man a boy, then don't call a 30 year old woman a girl."

I dont use Girl or Lad in a professional context, Inuse it informally. Lots of these terms are also very strongly linked to dialect.

There is a danger with this stamping on genuinly open minded nice people. Pet, Love, Darling etc are used for both sexes in many areas of the cointry and neither are given or received in a condescending way.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *urlesque!Woman
over a year ago

Gloucester

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip.

Showing endearment means to express love and/or affection towards someone.

I don't want random blokes working for the train company to show love and/or affection towards me."
This in a nutshell

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I think people need to get over themselves.

Would you prefer to be called something sterile and cold like "sir" or "madam"?

I like that people address me differently, babe, hun, mate, dude, Chuck, love, pet etc, although I can see that perhaps one or two examples might be a little less welcome in certain situations.

I hate the march towards an homogenous society where everyone is treated the same, clinically and with no human warmth or emotion."

This really.

And no, folk should not be fired over what at most could be construed as misjudged humour.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

I find that when men refer to me as 'girl', calling them 'boy' quickly makes them rethink what they just did. Especially when accompanied with a withering look.

I (mr) say girl when referring to women, and I know lots of women who do the same. It is a common term and not condescending. In context I also say 'lads' when referring to men.

I find it extremely condescending, especially in a professional environment.

If you wouldn't call a 30 year old man a boy, then don't call a 30 year old woman a girl.

I dont use Girl or Lad in a professional context, Inuse it informally. Lots of these terms are also very strongly linked to dialect.

Yes - as you say context is important. In this situation it's a professional person using the word to a customer.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Someone being sacked in connection with either incident definitely not. However it drives me insane the way ppl in the service industry etc address the general public. In Sainsbury’s over the Christmas period I was using the do it yourself tills. The lady overseeing the tills was in her 20s very pleasant and helpful. She addressed everyone that used the tills as sweetheart. She addressed me as sweetheart at least 3 times, it is incredibly irritating. Just why? I’m a stranger we’ve never met and I’m far from her sweetheart as I could possibly be

I HATE giving blood for the same reason. I object strongly to being adressed as 'hun' by most of the nurses.

I don't voice my objections for reasons I'll keep to myself and because I think it's important that I give blood but it is so fucking PATRONISING.

And to ALL of the posters who want to brand me as a whining bitch or over sensitive i'm neither but i can't be arsed explaining why your poor attitude to others rankles me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

Perhaps it's a regional thing.

Here in this corner of Wales it's common to call people 'Darl', short for 'Darling'. It's not gender specific and women call men Darl probably more than men use it. Absolutely nobody gets offended because it's a polite non-confrontational, non-condescending, non-gendered term.

I would have assumed 'love' and 'pet' would be regarded the same.

The problem we have in this increasingly ego-driven world where getting offended is increasingly used a tool is; where does it stop?

If you use 'Sir' or 'Madam' how long before people get their arses in their hands about these terms?

What kind of formal hell of a world are we marching towards where it's a risk how you address people?

If terms are sexist, offensive, condescending etc, that's wrong obviously. But we need to ensure balance and practicality. If we're not careful we'll end up like the London Underground where any interaction between people is to be avoided.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

There have been numerous funny Twitter exchanges in the past from large retailers/companies which have gone viral and seen as highly entertaining on a social media level... sounds like the Virgin Twitter person was trying the same thing but perhaps picked the wrong tweet to try it with... but no dont think either person should be sacked.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I'm serious, though. I'm going to do it. Not in a patronising or condescending way. I'm just going to do it matter of factly, and see how guys react.

My reaction would only be puzzlement at your accent, there are parts of the UK where not being called 'pet' is weird or insulting.

This is just a Twitter storm, some holiday replacement employee, with a bit of Christmas cracker joke overdose has attempted humour and just like the cracker jokes failed miserably.

The original 'offence' probably a location origin and age group slip up could have been cleared up on the spot without recourse to global broadcast on the internet.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

Yes - as you say context is important. In this situation it's a professional person using the word to a customer."

Also how one person receives it and how the other person meant it can be different.

In the Northeast, Pet is a universally used term, and is not condescending.

Why does the views of the offended automatically usurp the view of the well meaning deliverer?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"There have been numerous funny Twitter exchanges in the past from large retailers/companies which have gone viral and seen as highly entertaining on a social media level... sounds like the Virgin Twitter person was trying the same thing but perhaps picked the wrong tweet to try it with... but no dont think either person should be sacked. "

I agree completely I think it was a very poorly attempt at humour.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I haven't read anything about it but their response sound's pretty bad to me!"

Doesn't sound like a legit response from HR at Virgin... no company would reply like that in any public form.

I smell a rat. If it's genuine then whoever replied like that has already been reprimanded and a formal response on twitter would have already ensued. If not....mmmmm

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I hate the march towards an homogenous society where everyone is treated the same, clinically and with no human warmth or emotion.

I agree and I hate that, too - that is why I dislike being called hun or babe etc. I prefer to be addressed by my name or if it is a more formal environment then "madam" will do nicely

I hate being called Madam

it's a funny old world

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Depends on the context.

Most of those terms of endearment , honey, sweetheart, babe etc have innocent meaning but depending on how they're said and the subject matter they can be construed as sexist/patronising

But really it's subjective, what's patronising to one person isn't necessarily going to be for another person

Ah I've just read the article for myself I wouldn't call it sexist but I wouldn't have reacted well to being dismissed then called honey on top of it.

I went to get my car serviced a few months ago and the guy (who was an older man) who saw to me referred to everyone else as Mr/Mrs, Then when asked something about my car refered to as "young lady *my surname* " to his colleague, which I was not impressed about, didn't find it sexist just extremely patronising especially when it would have taken less time to say "miss" like he did to everyone else

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

[Removed by poster at 02/01/18 12:14:08]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"Depends on the context.

Most of those terms of endearment , honey, sweetheart, babe etc have innocent meaning but depending on how they're said and the subject matter they can be construed as sexist/patronising

But really it's subjective, what's patronising to one person isn't necessarily going to be for another person

Ah I've just read the article for myself I wouldn't call it sexist but I wouldn't have reacted well to being dismissed then called honey on top of it.

Urgh. I hate 'young lady' as a term of address. I'm always very pleased with myself when I manage not to rage at the blokes who write that in messages to me on swinging/sex sites.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it. "

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

The guy on twitter should have been more professional in the matter but was obviously trying to make a joke, maybe not a very funny or appropriate joke but was obviously a joke and the thing about jokes is that they are not to be taken seriously.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I'm serious, though. I'm going to do it. Not in a patronising or condescending way. I'm just going to do it matter of factly, and see how guys react.

Absolutely fine by me. I'd probably think you're being very pleasant, friendly and informal. All good traits in my book.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"It would make me smile, but i can accept it's poor form from a company "

Yup. I appreciate the humour and think she's being pathetic, but it's not a very professional response to a complaint.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip. "

The term 'luv'

I don't even think it's endearment, it's what we are brought up with, it's what we expect. It's etched into my being.

You hear women say it to each other - it's not just a male to female thing. I think it's friendly.

I will continue to use it and, should someone take objection to it, I will apologise for it - and then use the term again on the other thousand people that aren't bothered by it in the slightest.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

So... if I call someone a cunt and then claim it was a joke, it's alright because it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I haven't read anything about it but their response sound's pretty bad to me!

Doesn't sound like a legit response from HR at Virgin... no company would reply like that in any public form.

I smell a rat. If it's genuine then whoever replied like that has already been reprimanded and a formal response on twitter would have already ensued. If not....mmmmm"

It was from the Virgin Trains EC official account. The tweet has now been removed and an apology given for any offence that may have been caused.

Another Twitter user (male) has said he heard the original conversation and the use of the word honey was not regionally appropriate.

I have no idea at which station this exchange took place but it must be somewhere on the East Coast as that was the Virgin Trains Twitter account she addressed her complaint to.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Wouldn't have bothered me at all

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *mojeeCouple
over a year ago

Dunfermline

"A lady on Twitter complained about a train manager with Virgin Trains addressing her as Honey when talking to her regarding some issue with the trains.

The Virgin Trains reply was to say sorry about that and would she prefer “pet” or “love” in future.

Most on Twitter are appalled by their response.

Would you take it as them trying but failing to be funny?

Should the person from Virgin Trains be sacked?"

Why is someone always calling for staff to be sacked over absolute nonesense. We can't all be correct about every decision we make every single time. It's especially bad for calling for staff to lose their jobs on the railway. Some people like to be offended for the sake of being offended.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"After reading these comments, though, mostly the male ones, I've decided that I'm going to call all guys "pet." It's something that I think would make an interesting social experiment.

try "dear" with a look of pity for the full patronising effect

I'm serious, though. I'm going to do it. Not in a patronising or condescending way. I'm just going to do it matter of factly, and see how guys react.

My reaction would only be puzzlement at your accent, there are parts of the UK where not being called 'pet' is weird or insulting.

This is just a Twitter storm, some holiday replacement employee, with a bit of Christmas cracker joke overdose has attempted humour and just like the cracker jokes failed miserably.

The original 'offence' probably a location origin and age group slip up could have been cleared up on the spot without recourse to global broadcast on the internet. "

I'm going into this experiment with the assumption that men will not like being called pet by a young woman. Just my guess.

As far as this incident goes, I think of it this way:

It is fair to not know whether a woman dislikes pet names. Once a woman expresses that dislike, she should have just been addressed by her name or ma'am. But that's not what happened. She was mocked and it was inappropriate.

As an example, people often refer to me as Mrs. [Marc's last name]. I then inform them that I didn't take his name, so please call me [my first name]. And they do. Because persisting with a name that is not my own and which I asked not to be called in a business relationship is inappropriate.

It happens in the U.S. sometimes, too. Southerners are much more likely to call people by pet names than northerners. I have nicely asked people to please just call me [my first name] in the past. It does not make me over-sensitive, offended, or a snowflake. However, if the company rep mocked me about my request I would wonder why they were so offended by my request in the first place.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Urgh. I hate 'young lady' as a term of address. I'm always very pleased with myself when I manage not to rage at the blokes who write that in messages to me on swinging/sex sites. "

I quite agree, you are 30, it should be old woman now....

Runs and hides in the zombie thread where it's safer

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"I wonder if there is anything anyone ever says ever that someone else can find to be offended about..even if it wasn't even said the the offended party.

Maybe I'm just too old to be a snowflake

I actually think that people who get offended at other people's offense are just their own perfectly formed little snowflake.

It's takes more than one snowflake to mow a blizzard....

Today is the day that tolerance died!

Words can be used as weapons or with malicious intent of twisted such as fake news. As the Mad Hatter said words can mean whatever we want them to mean.

But when colloquial terms of endearment are turned into a cause for complaint and the need to make an issue of their usage to assuage the perceived slight of another then perhaps it's time we all reassessed the things that really matter.

People killin People dying

Children hurting can you hear them crying...

Where is the love?

Where is the perspective?

If today you call someone mate pet love ducks or anyone of thousands of similar words and they wanted you to lose your job...

Do you think you may just change your views....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Sackable? No.

In my opinion, the woman has been oversensitive about complaining, but, since she has, Virgin should respond in a way respectfull of the customers thoughts.

I would have said sorry that she took it in a negative way, it was intended as a friendly informal term."

Exactly. I would not dream of complaining if some train driver called me pet or love or honey or whatever normal term of endearment he uses habitually if he was merely answering me in what was for him a normal polite manner. Intent is everything.

If he was being sarcastic and patronising in the first place then that is a different matter.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

A term of endearment is all well and good when dealing with someone you know.

What really grits my shit is when I, as a customer, is called mate by the person at the end of the phone. I don't find it endearing, I find it unprofessional.

Sticking to the basics like Sir/Madam or anything formal when dealing with complete strangers is a minimum.

It isn't being a snowflake. It is a lack of common courtesy on behalf of the company. If you pay to see a comedian, you expect to see a joker. If you are paying for a train ticket, you expect to get wherever you are going, not get smart-arse remarks.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

If today you call someone mate pet love ducks or anyone of thousands of similar words and they wanted you to lose your job...

Do you think you may just change your views....

The difference is... I wouldn't call people by nicknames in a professional environment, especially if someone is the client/customer. And I definitely wouldn't make a joke about someones completely legitimate complaint to their face.

So I wouldn't be facing the prospect of losing my position over something like that.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Christ Hine....... talk about point missed.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Christ Hine....... talk about point missed. "

There was a point?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I think people need to get over themselves.

Would you prefer to be called something sterile and cold like "sir" or "madam"?

I like that people address me differently, babe, hun, mate, dude, Chuck, love, pet etc, although I can see that perhaps one or two examples might be a little less welcome in certain situations.

I hate the march towards an homogenous society where everyone is treated the same, clinically and with no human warmth or emotion."

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip.

Showing endearment means to express love and/or affection towards someone.

I don't want random blokes working for the train company to show love and/or affection towards me."

I would interpret it as a sign of goodwill when applied to a stranger.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If today you call someone mate pet love ducks or anyone of thousands of similar words and they wanted you to lose your job...

Do you think you may just change your views....

So I wouldn't be facing the prospect of losing my position over something like that."

Exactly.

And besides, I explicitly said above that I don't think the guy should lose his job.

I do object, however, to this idea that people can't request not to be called something they don't like being called. When I enter into a professional relationship with someone (a company included) I treat them respectfully and I expect the same in return. Especially if I had already requested something not be said to me.

And defending such behavior by just saying "snowflakes!" is meaningless and, honestly, lazy argumentation.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"A term of endearment is all well and good when dealing with someone you know.

What really grits my shit is when I, as a customer, is called mate by the person at the end of the phone. I don't find it endearing, I find it unprofessional.

Sticking to the basics like Sir/Madam or anything formal when dealing with complete strangers is a minimum.

I appreciate your comments. They added a new dimension to the thread for me and moved us somewhat toward a discussion that isn't just full of ad hominem

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Depends on the context.

Most of those terms of endearment , honey, sweetheart, babe etc have innocent meaning but depending on how they're said and the subject matter they can be construed as sexist/patronising

But really it's subjective, what's patronising to one person isn't necessarily going to be for another person

Yes, that's different - as I mentioned, intent is all.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip.

Showing endearment means to express love and/or affection towards someone.

I don't want random blokes working for the train company to show love and/or affection towards me.

I would interpret it as a sign of goodwill when applied to a stranger."

Even though the complaint was specifically about the drivers dismissive attitude and calling her 'honey' was just the final irritation?

Not much goodwill there.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Yes - as you say context is important. In this situation it's a professional person using the word to a customer.

Also how one person receives it and how the other person meant it can be different.

In the Northeast, Pet is a universally used term, and is not condescending.

Why does the views of the offended automatically usurp the view of the well meaning deliverer?"

That is my objection to PC and it's like - it should not in my view.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 02/01/18 12:30:36]

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I hate the march towards an homogenous society where everyone is treated the same, clinically and with no human warmth or emotion.

I agree and I hate that, too - that is why I dislike being called hun or babe etc. I prefer to be addressed by my name or if it is a more formal environment then "madam" will do nicely

Yeah, you see I hate 'Madam'!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

If today you call someone mate pet love ducks or anyone of thousands of similar words and they wanted you to lose your job...

Do you think you may just change your views....

So I wouldn't be facing the prospect of losing my position over something like that."

Exactly it clearly says in the article that he was being dismissive, so it wasn't actually use as term of endearment

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I always adjust my terms of address to the level of the conversation. Some people get offended by being called Sir or Madam. The thing with this one is did she tell the chap she didn't like being called Honey? If she did and he continued to do so, then he is in the wrong. If she didn't, how would he know? She may have just complained afterwards to Virgin Trains. The way I read it they made the pet/love comment, not the original chap. Either way VT dealt with it poorly bearing in mind her issue was how she had first been addressed. That said, some people are too up their own arses. Have I killed this thread yet?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip.

Showing endearment means to express love and/or affection towards someone.

I don't want random blokes working for the train company to show love and/or affection towards me.

I would interpret it as a sign of goodwill when applied to a stranger."

Me too, I would rather they were affectionate than being apathetic or hoping I dropped off the platform. And I'm generally fairly people intolerant

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

So... if I call someone a cunt and then claim it was a joke, it's alright because it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously?"

Yes, it was clearly a joke. I have a gay best friend and we all (including himself) call him fag and its totally fine, but if we were to scream in his face and call him a dumb fucking fag then obviously thats not ok.

Why cant feminists ever take a joke? (Triggered)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

So... if I call someone a cunt and then claim it was a joke, it's alright because it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously?

Why cant feminists ever take a joke? (Triggered) "

Who are you accusing of being a feminist?

Or is that a joke as well?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

So... if I call someone a cunt and then claim it was a joke, it's alright because it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously?

Why cant feminists ever take a joke? (Triggered) "

So weird when guys play the feminist card when it has no place in a discussion

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Snowflakes getting offended by fuck all again.

Its not offensive or patronising.

Its a term of endearment.

Im northern and call people love all the time. Get a friggen grip.

Showing endearment means to express love and/or affection towards someone.

I don't want random blokes working for the train company to show love and/or affection towards me.

I would interpret it as a sign of goodwill when applied to a stranger.

Even though the complaint was specifically about the drivers dismissive attitude and calling her 'honey' was just the final irritation?

Not much goodwill there.

Don't raise your eyebrows at me Missy - read my other posts.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

So... if I call someone a cunt and then claim it was a joke, it's alright because it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously?

Why cant feminists ever take a joke? (Triggered)

So weird when guys play the feminist card when it has no place in a discussion "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *hoenixAdAstraWoman
over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I think it all depends on how a word is used. The way it's said, the context it's phrased in.

I'm currently at my mums, everyone here greets each other as either "Duck" or "Love"

I could greet someone with "Ye rate love?" up here & recieve a warm response or "alright love" in a conversation elsewhere & it be seen as sarcastic.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It's much like some forums on here. Offence is given or taken depending on the location. There's a few who have commented on here who do that on fab and don't see any issues with causing offense... they call it banter and so therefor in their mind it is offense

It only works with those you know, rarely with those you don't.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

So... if I call someone a cunt and then claim it was a joke, it's alright because it wasn't supposed to be taken seriously?

Why cant feminists ever take a joke? (Triggered) "

How would you or your friend take it if a stranger called him a fag?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

She didn't like the service she received, and therefore she complained.

Her complaint wasn't taken seriously.

I'd be pretty pissed in that situation.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *otForSoftiesWoman
over a year ago

The North / Party Hard Everywhere

At a local pub the (young) guy serving called me ‘my dear’ (he calls Ladies it whatever the age but it does sound old!) yet called my dad sir. I don’t like pet names unless I know someone but like the whole slut/slag versus stud thing, for me the issue is the disparity of genders.

Now go to Leeds and I’ve heard both men and women called duck. That’s quaint and cute. And equal

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

I have not bothered to look up the story, but if he was a train driver his work does not include talking to customers. And if her complaint was anything other than about his train driving then a dismissive response is all she could expect. Bit like complaining to the postman about the letters you get delivered really.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

You've been representing ducks for too long.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

But if the postman delivering your letters treats you in a way that you don't like, then I believe it's perfectly acceptable to complain about their conduct.

Your comparison makes absolutely no sense.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

You've been representing ducks for too long. "

Ducks have rights too... obviously not equal rights, but rights none the less

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

I had a really rough landing on my last easyjet flight, worst ever I think. The pilot was standing at the end of the plane saying goodbye to passengers and I nearly commented....but decided not to in the end.

Do passengers complain to the driver about the way they drive a train lol??

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

But if the postman delivering your letters treats you in a way that you don't like, then I believe it's perfectly acceptable to complain about their conduct.

Your comparison makes absolutely no sense."

Well it depends on the context of a story I can't be bothered to read. If the original complaint was he was dismissive of her complaint AND called her honey in a dismissive way.. then it is relevant because if her complaint had nothing to do with him, and he is not a customer facing employee why shouldn't he be dismissive?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

But if the postman delivering your letters treats you in a way that you don't like, then I believe it's perfectly acceptable to complain about their conduct.

Your comparison makes absolutely no sense.

She didn't complain to the train driver.

She had a conversation with the train driver where he was dismissive and then rude.

She complained to Virgin Trains because she didn't like the way she'd been treated by a member of staff.

Then the customer services rep made a joke about her complaint rather than treating it seriously.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

It was a manager, not the driver.

My mistake.

It’s interesting reading the responses on Twitter.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"It was a manager, not the driver.

My mistake.

It’s interesting reading the responses on Twitter.

Yes, I was about to correct my response above! I read manager in the article I looked for, but still wrote driver for some reason. Think I'm tired. :D

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Often these words are local affectations. ‘Luv’ is a really common one where I am from, ‘Duck’ in another place I lived. Pet is common in another place I’ve spent a lot of time. Mate, Pal and fella, matey are really common too. I find it hard to feel anything about them. They are neither condescending or really a term of endearment, they are a language affectation.

Complaining is a bit much really but she has every right to do so, and Virgin should have responded appropriately. However I do find the response funny as well, because if it was not an organisation being represented, I could imagine responding similarly

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

But if the postman delivering your letters treats you in a way that you don't like, then I believe it's perfectly acceptable to complain about their conduct.

Your comparison makes absolutely no sense.

She didn't complain to the train driver.

She had a conversation with the train driver where he was dismissive and then rude.

She complained to Virgin Trains because she didn't like the way she'd been treated by a member of staff.

Then the customer services rep made a joke about her complaint rather than treating it seriously."

Ah well that puts a wholly different complexion on it from my previous comment. Seriously poor from Virgin!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

But if the postman delivering your letters treats you in a way that you don't like, then I believe it's perfectly acceptable to complain about their conduct.

Your comparison makes absolutely no sense.

Because regardless if he is customer facing or not, he is representing the company

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"All of the 'regional' dialect arguments/points are just a diversion away from any real issue.

HE was at work. SHE was a customer.

But if the postman delivering your letters treats you in a way that you don't like, then I believe it's perfectly acceptable to complain about their conduct.

Your comparison makes absolutely no sense.

Because regardless if he is customer facing or not, he is representing the company "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I don't think anyone understands that she complained about the SERVICE and was told ...... do what you like 'HONEY' ......

Jesus....

She didn't really complain about being called HONEY ..... but she did mention that was how she was addressed when she complained about the SERVICE....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She didn't complain to the train driver.

She had a conversation with the train driver where he was dismissive and then rude.

She complained to Virgin Trains because she didn't like the way she'd been treated by a member of staff.

Then the customer services rep made a joke about her complaint rather than treating it seriously."

Still missing the pertinent information... why was she talking to the train driver? Was he right to be dismissive? What did she complain about and how was that framed?

The storm in a Twitter cup is all about a flippant remark. This thread asks if the flippant remark was sexist or funny, but nobody knows if the original conversation was about the length of the train drivers cock or if the platform was longer than the train.

And my only real interest in this thread is a deep curiosity to what pet sounds like in an American accent

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"She didn't complain to the train driver.

She had a conversation with the train driver where he was dismissive and then rude.

She complained to Virgin Trains because she didn't like the way she'd been treated by a member of staff.

Then the customer services rep made a joke about her complaint rather than treating it seriously.

Still missing the pertinent information... why was she talking to the train driver? Was he right to be dismissive? What did she complain about and how was that framed?

And my only real interest in this thread is a deep curiosity to what pet sounds like in an American accent

My mistake - she was talking to the train manager.

She was having a conversation with the train manager about something that had been screwed up. She said that she'd like to make a formal complaint about the screw up, he then dismissed her.

She complained on twitter about the service and the language.

The twitter customer services rep made a joke about her complaint.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

Quote:

Emily explained: ‘They told us they’d all made a mistake and we had to move to try and find seats with all our luggage in the packed train.

‘The first person to check my ticket was very abrasive. His response to my explaining the situation (politely and honestly) and that I wanted to complain was “you go ahead honey”. ‘In the context and given his aggressive tone I can only assume he didn’t like being (politely!) challenged by a woman – it felt like a punch in the face.

‘I tweeted Virgin and their response was patronising and belittling – just the behaviour I was complaining about. And would they tweet that to a guy? Nope.’

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"She didn't complain to the train driver.

She had a conversation with the train driver where he was dismissive and then rude.

She complained to Virgin Trains because she didn't like the way she'd been treated by a member of staff.

Then the customer services rep made a joke about her complaint rather than treating it seriously.

Still missing the pertinent information... why was she talking to the train driver? Was he right to be dismissive? What did she complain about and how was that framed?

And my only real interest in this thread is a deep curiosity to what pet sounds like in an American accent

Like.......... Perd...... Americans talk funny don't they

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She didn't complain to the train driver.

She had a conversation with the train driver where he was dismissive and then rude.

She complained to Virgin Trains because she didn't like the way she'd been treated by a member of staff.

Then the customer services rep made a joke about her complaint rather than treating it seriously.

Still missing the pertinent information... why was she talking to the train driver? Was he right to be dismissive? What did she complain about and how was that framed?

And my only real interest in this thread is a deep curiosity to what pet sounds like in an American accent

Well, come over to York, then, because I'm starting my experiment today. Soon anybody in York will know exactly who I am because I'm the American calling every man "pet".

But don't fret, honey, maybe someone will let you know how soothing it is when they are called it. Maybe it will make it's way all the way to Twitter.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

She sounds exactly like Judge Judy.....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Oh fucks sake I thought she said NEW York .......

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She sounds exactly like Judge Judy..... "

When I'm angry.....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Bloody Americans coming over here stealing our place names. !

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Anyway ........ im more concerned about the atrocious ageism in here .

It's illegal you know

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *wizzlenipsMan
over a year ago

Newport

I can only hope some of the posters on here don't visit Glasgow where it's common to address a woman of any age as doll or hen

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *gnitemybodyWoman
over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"That person should not be sacked, the woman just needs to stop being such a whining bitch. Nobody can do anything without someone getting offended and crying about it

He showed her no respect by the sounds of it by the second comment,as someone who is representing a company he should know better. Would he have said that to a man,I very much doubt it.

If that was said to a man I very much doubt he would complain in the first place, and to then go on to post it on twitter is just looking to take your whiney bullshit to another level.

I work in an environment surrounded by women and I get called "darling" and "hun" on a daily basis and think nothing of it, non of the guys at work give it a second thought.

Do we know 100% that he was just trying to make a joke,was he really that stupid to think that it would come across as a joke?!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"She sounds exactly like Judge Judy.....

When I'm angry.....

Old York, is almost far enough north east for pet to be the accepted name for anyone older than birth and younger than death.

I am so tempted to jump on a virgin train to York (mk 1) and listen out for Judge Judy calling everyone pet

So much more fun than learning that some woman who complained to a train conductor, ticket punched, train manager that the passengers all got into one carriage and were unhappy that they had to walk down the train to the other empty carriages. Didn't like that he told her to carry on and complain rather than bring her an empty seat.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

It sounds patronising, and sadly when a man patronises a woman it becomes a sexist comment quickly if she says it is.

If that was towards a man from a woman, it would be just patronising. I've been called honey, love, darlin'...sexist now? Nope.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Anyway ........ im more concerned about the atrocious ageism in here .

It's illegal you know"

And don't forget old ducks have unequal rights too....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Fuck this new politically correct nanny state we live in. When addressing someone as honey love darling mate geezer sweetheart. It's not condescending or abusive it's merely a term of endearment with no harm meant why for the bloody love of God can't the uptight arse wipes take it as such.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *icassolifelikeMan
over a year ago

Luton

"Fuck this new politically correct nanny state we live in. When addressing someone as honey love darling mate geezer sweetheart. It's not condescending or abusive it's merely a term of endearment with no harm meant why for the bloody love of God can't the uptight arse wipes take it as such."

Woooohooooo you go girl!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"It sounds patronising, and sadly when a man patronises a woman it becomes a sexist comment quickly if she says it is.

If that was towards a man from a woman, it would be just patronising. I've been called honey, love, darlin'...sexist now? Nope. "

Oh stop being a whiney bitch sweet cheeks. You just need something to make you smile ......

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Do you really mean that ? Do you really say fuck to P.C. and the respect it can bring to certain groups in society ? Are there NO names that would turn you into an uptight arse wipe or would your outrage be perfectly just ?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago

A world of my own

With all that goes on in the world, I think its ridiculous people are so easily offended by this.

I also think it sad that so many have so little to do with their time that they jump on the bandwagon to complain.

I'm a single mum. I was a teen mum and because I have an age gap between my children I regularly face ignorant assumptions. It doesn't offend me. Neither does a pet name or term of endearment. Get a grip people.

Argue stuff that matters and wave the female flag for that. Not this

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"With all that goes on in the world, I think its ridiculous people are so easily offended by this.

I also think it sad that so many have so little to do with their time that they jump on the bandwagon to complain.

Argue stuff that matters and wave the female flag for that. Not this"

Is it sad that you have so little to do with your time that you came on here to say this about people complaining?

No, of course not. People complained. It took seconds/minutes to type it out. Why do with have to label people as "sad" in this way when we are doing the same thing on a different medium? we choose what matters enough to spend our time on.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"With all that goes on in the world, I think its ridiculous people are so easily offended by this.

I also think it sad that so many have so little to do with their time that they jump on the bandwagon to complain.

Argue stuff that matters and wave the female flag for that. Not this"

That's just it. It does matter. Attitudes matter. Language is powerful. I'm not offended but I don't tolerate it.

Other people say that those that don't like it are offended. It's not necessarily so.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"With all that goes on in the world, I think its ridiculous people are so easily offended by this.

I also think it sad that so many have so little to do with their time that they jump on the bandwagon to complain.

Argue stuff that matters and wave the female flag for that. Not this"

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

Of course he should not loose his job.....

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *cotsCockMan
over a year ago

Glasgow

Well said, although I suspect your choice of language will incur the wrath of quite a few "Do Gooders" on here.

They seem to want any granule of friendliness removed from conversations between public"Servants" and the poor offended Customer and have everyone acting like robots.

I will end this with a quote you will probably appreciate but expect will cause massive offence to those it is aimed at "Get a F*****g Grip "

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Well said, although I suspect your choice of language will incur the wrath of quite a few "Do Gooders" on here.

They seem to want any granule of friendliness removed from conversations between public"Servants" and the poor offended Customer and have everyone acting like robots.

I will end this with a quote you will probably appreciate but expect will cause massive offence to those it is aimed at "Get a F*****g Grip ""

Oh allow me to use your methods it's fabulous.

All of you with something to say..... I can't think of a response or anything reasonable so i'll say uhmmmmmmmm pull your pants up.... no no I'll say ..... oh fucks sake hold on to your wig..... no no no .... ermmmmm I know..... Keep hold of your braces!!

There...... God you're right it feels amazeballs.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Guys get called fella, mate, dude, pal, even boss now and again shit like that when in shops and stuff..is that not fairly similar?

What if some guys don't identify as any of those things and it hurts our feelings to be referred to in such ways?

Maybe people should un clench their arse holes a bit, take that lemon out of their mouths and relax

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well said, although I suspect your choice of language will incur the wrath of quite a few "Do Gooders" on here.

They seem to want any granule of friendliness removed from conversations between public"Servants" and the poor offended Customer and have everyone acting like robots.

I will end this with a quote you will probably appreciate but expect will cause massive offence to those it is aimed at "Get a F*****g Grip ""

Oh, pet, I fully get your point. No wrath here.

Serious question, though...Why censor "Fucking"?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

I managed pubs for a few years. To all the people just shouting SNOWFLAKE and POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD and WHINING BITCH and such, picture this situation:

A customer, male, approaches me, the manager, and complains that his pint is flat. I reply to him "well don't drink it then, princess."

Does that sound friendly, affectionate, endearing?

How about if he then phones the customer service helpline to complain about the shit beer and unpleasant manager, and the Customer Services representative replies "Aaaaw I'm sorry sweetheart, would you rather he called you Cutie Pie?"

Does that sound like an appropriate response to a customer complaint?

Yet this same thing happens to a woman and she's a "snowflake" or a "whining bitch" and needs to "get over herself."

Get fucked, you fucking pathetic shower of troglodytes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I managed pubs for a few years. To all the people just shouting SNOWFLAKE and POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD and WHINING BITCH and such, picture this situation:

A customer, male, approaches me, the manager, and complains that his pint is flat. I reply to him "well don't drink it then, princess."

Does that sound friendly, affectionate, endearing?

Does that sound like an appropriate response to a customer complaint?

Yet this same thing happens to a woman and she's a "snowflake" or a "whining bitch" and needs to "get over herself."

Get fucked, you fucking pathetic shower of troglodytes. "

And Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago

"I managed pubs for a few years. To all the people just shouting SNOWFLAKE and POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE MAD and WHINING BITCH and such, picture this situation:

A customer, male, approaches me, the manager, and complains that his pint is flat. I reply to him "well don't drink it then, princess."

Does that sound friendly, affectionate, endearing?

Does that sound like an appropriate response to a customer complaint?

Yet this same thing happens to a woman and she's a "snowflake" or a "whining bitch" and needs to "get over herself."

Get fucked, you fucking pathetic shower of troglodytes. "

Excellent response

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

Honestly though, it's nothing. It's a non-story. "Customer receives poor service, complains. Receives poor service again." How the Shitting arsepubes is that newsworthy? It's a non-event cooked up to be something it isn't, in order to make the "pc gone mad/snowfkake" crowd blow steam from their ears and give themselves a stroke, and the "offended on everyone else's behalf" crowd scream about offensiveness until they hyperventilate. And like good little puppets we're doing exactly as we're told. Frankly I'm a little annoyed at myself for reacting with anything other than apathy.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"It sounds patronising, and sadly when a man patronises a woman it becomes a sexist comment quickly if she says it is.

If that was towards a man from a woman, it would be just patronising. I've been called honey, love, darlin'...sexist now? Nope.

Oh stop being a whiney bitch sweet cheeks. You just need something to make you smile ...... "

I read the article, I was laughing my ass off.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... this same thing happens to a woman and she's a "snowflake" or a "whining bitch" and needs to "get over herself."

Get fucked, you fucking pathetic shower of troglodytes. "

Harsh. Don't generalise

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"... this same thing happens to a woman and she's a "snowflake" or a "whining bitch" and needs to "get over herself."

Get fucked, you fucking pathetic shower of troglodytes.

Harsh. Don't generalise

Alright treacle, calm your tits. Are you on your period or something?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Should the person be fired? No.

But they should be told not to be quite so condescending in the future.

Spot on.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman
over a year ago

stourbridge area

No .... not sacked ....but some customer training ... not everyone likes terms of endearment from a stranger ,

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"Get fucked, you fucking pathetic shower of troglodytes. "

It would depend, if the pint was of tap water, or vodka, then I would laugh with you over the fallacious complaint I had made.

If it was supposed to contain co2 bubbles I would demand a replacement or refund.

Your move...

Reading between the lines, train fares went up above the claimed rate of inflation, newspapers scrambled to find dissatisfied customers in light of the fare increase. And this was the best story they could find.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *opsy RogersWoman
over a year ago

London

The one that particularly makes me cringe is ‘dallin’.

If as a company, you are going to provide customer service, then do it. A simple apology was all that was needed, not some condescending twat thinking it was clever to be rude.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *abrielle247Couple (FF)
over a year ago

PDI Gran Canaria

I don't mind what they call me, as long as they call me.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

The problem with this story and thread is that there are different issues and people rant about the bit that suits them.

The original post only really mentions the Honey term , and of course that's enough for a debate or mouth foaming from two different perspectives.

But the story is described later and is actually slightly different, as the manager (male) did say it in a disparaging way, although we dont know the full story, beyond the complainants verion saying she was 'politely' complaining and he unprovoked was nasty.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"Honestly though, it's nothing. It's a non-story. "Customer receives poor service, complains. Receives poor service again." How the Shitting arsepubes is that newsworthy? It's a non-event cooked up to be something it isn't, in order to make the "pc gone mad/snowfkake" crowd blow steam from their ears and give themselves a stroke, and the "offended on everyone else's behalf" crowd scream about offensiveness until they hyperventilate. And like good little puppets we're doing exactly as we're told. Frankly I'm a little annoyed at myself for reacting with anything other than apathy."

I suspect some of us react with more than apathy because we have found ourselves in almost identical situations time and time again.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"... this same thing happens to a woman and she's a "snowflake" or a "whining bitch" and needs to "get over herself."

Get fucked, you fucking pathetic shower of troglodytes.

Harsh. Don't generalise

Alright treacle, calm your tits. Are you on your period or something?

Ouch, do you work for British rail?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

"A lady on Twitter complained about a train manager with Virgin Trains addressing her as Honey when talking to her regarding some issue with the trains.

The Virgin Trains reply was to say sorry about that and would she prefer “pet” or “love” in future.

Most on Twitter are appalled by their response.

Would you take it as them trying but failing to be funny?

Should the person from Virgin Trains be sacked?"

I have to admit to laughing out loud when I read this. Although it may not be appropriate for the staff member to call a customer honey, it's not the end of the world. Virgins response is quite funny and probably trying to show that point. No the worker should not be sacked, how ridiculous. XXX

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *otSoNewWalesCoupleCouple
over a year ago

South Wales

"I'm going into this experiment with the assumption that men will not like being called pet by a young woman. Just my guess."

I seriously doubt many men are going to take offence at a young woman being friendly, polite and informal.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

What has happened to "banter" ??!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Probably a bit over the top but really not very professional of him was it??

I always call members of the public I meet in my job sir or madam (but this can change dramatically when they are not in earshot depending on how they treat me!!)

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"What has happened to "banter" ??!!!"

People got sick of being told that they were whingy bitches when they didn't like it.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I love that I work in an industry industry that there is no women & no easily offended snowflakes.

It's neither, just basic pleanstries and ways of address people. Love, dear, sweetie, darling. Big deal, if that is a major issue for you. You have a good life.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman
over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I love that I work in an industry industry that there is no women & no easily offended snowflakes.

It's neither, just basic pleanstries and ways of address people. Love, dear, sweetie, darling. Big deal, if that is a major issue for you. You have a good life."

No. You have a good life baby cakes.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *atcherwankerMan
over a year ago

Birmingham

"What has happened to "banter" ??!!!"

Apparently a customer who has paid for a service and been treated like a cunt, twice, would rather that their complaint is taken seriously, the situation addressed to solve the issue, and preferably receive an apology from the party at fault rather than have "banter"

IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE SENSIBLE!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *evil_u_knowMan
over a year ago

city

When I was in the UK women called me "pet" and "Love" all the time. So how is it sexist?

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"I love that I work in an industry industry that there is no women & no easily offended snowflakes.

It's neither, just basic pleanstries and ways of address people. Love, dear, sweetie, darling. Big deal, if that is a major issue for you. You have a good life."

It's nice that boys have industries left where they can still play with their toys.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *unandbuckCouple
over a year ago

Sheffield

"What has happened to "banter" ??!!!

IT'S POLITICAL CORRECTNESS GONE SENSIBLE! "

I don't think calling someone Love, Mate etc is wrong, informally or in certain work situations. But I have to agree doing it in a complaint process, when that's what she was complaining about, isn't the right arena for overt informality or bants.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

People are so easily offended these days!

There's so much butthurt going on it's ridiculous!

I think she needs to move on and get on with her life

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *lanemikeMan
over a year ago

Bolton

"When I was in the UK women called me "pet" and "Love" all the time. So how is it sexist?"

It isn't......!!!

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I think the issue is more to do with the reply she received from this guy when she complained about being called something she didn't like. He is a representative of Virgin Trains and was not respectful or professional in his approach. If someone doesn't like being called a certain thing from a company representative then he should have been more respectful in his reply rather than sarcastic, as he seems to have been here.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately

By *risky_MareWoman
over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Bloody hell, some people like an argument!!

If the woman was moaning merely about being called Honey within a courteous reply she needs to get a life, and I might be tempted to make a sarcastic joke myself (on a sex site forum anyway), but if she was complaining about a totally disrespectful attitude from an employee then she had every right to complain again and expect a professional response.

(closed, thread got too big)

Reply privately