Join us FREE, we're FREE to use
Web's largest swingers site since 2006.
Already registered?
Login here
Back to forum list |
Back to The Lounge |
Jump to newest |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think people tend to get more upset when those judgements hit upon a personal insecurity. Although, there's also something to be said about the stranger being perceived as more objective than a friend who judges you. Maybe that perceived objectivity makes the judgement sting a bit more than it otherwise would? I dunno. Just some thoughts." I think your point about strangers being more objective is very astute. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them?" I used to and still sometimes do a bit , It’s anxiety issues | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think people tend to get more upset when those judgements hit upon a personal insecurity. Although, there's also something to be said about the stranger being perceived as more objective than a friend who judges you. Maybe that perceived objectivity makes the judgement sting a bit more than it otherwise would? I dunno. Just some thoughts." I think you're right. I don't really understand why a stranger's opinion is so important to some. If it highlights something you know to be true and can change, use it to your advantage. If not...meh! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I was just about to say something similar to _loswingers. What consistenly surprises me is not how upset people get with being judged, but the judgemental tosh that people post daily. One can only assume if is because they feel very brave doing so from behind the safety of their keyboard. V x " ^^^ | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. " The thing about making judgements is that they’re always subjective and personal. We all make judgements all the time but the definition of judgemental is to be overly critical in a non helpful way. The only time being judgemental can be positive is if it’s paired with some empathy. If you don’t understand from where that person is coming, and your opinion is based purely on a snap shot in time, then you simply cannot make a positive judgement. V x | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. " Yep. It's something I never understand about the "don't judge" comments that pop up in life. First off, we all judge, and people are more than happy to accept good judgments (compliments, etc.). Secondly, when a negative judgment is valid then it can lead us to be better people if we aim to change our behavior. If a judgement is something we can't fix or is made not for the purpose of betterment, but just to be nasty, then it really isn't the judgement itself that's the problem... | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. The thing about making judgements is that they’re always subjective and personal. We all make judgements all the time but the definition of judgemental is to be overly critical in a non helpful way. The only time being judgemental can be positive is if it’s paired with some empathy. If you don’t understand from where that person is coming, and your opinion is based purely on a snap shot in time, then you simply cannot make a positive judgement. V x " Yeah but the question is Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them? I think you can judge someone well or positively. It carries no more weight from a stranger than a negative judgement but people will pay more heed to the bad one. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. Yep. It's something I never understand about the "don't judge" comments that pop up in life. First off, we all judge, and people are more than happy to accept good judgments (compliments, etc.). Secondly, when a negative judgment is valid then it can lead us to be better people if we aim to change our behavior. If a judgement is something we can't fix or is made not for the purpose of betterment, but just to be nasty, then it really isn't the judgement itself that's the problem..." Yes! A lot of people we don't know well judge us to be well off and posh . Nothing could be any further from the truth but if we say that to them they don't believe us. The judgement of strangers is irrelevant really. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. The thing about making judgements is that they’re always subjective and personal. We all make judgements all the time but the definition of judgemental is to be overly critical in a non helpful way. The only time being judgemental can be positive is if it’s paired with some empathy. If you don’t understand from where that person is coming, and your opinion is based purely on a snap shot in time, then you simply cannot make a positive judgement. V x Yeah but the question is Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them? I think you can judge someone well or positively. It carries no more weight from a stranger than a negative judgement but people will pay more heed to the bad one. " Why do strangers feel the need to judge? People get upset because they are human and skin comes in varying degrees of thickness. V x | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them?" I fecking love your one liner's steely...that's my judgement | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. " Yes and often the same people who think a stranger judging them is terrible will lap up tbe compliments of a stranger. It's human nature to judge, positively, negatively, on the shallowest and the tiniest of things and the far more significant. And the reality is judgements are far more likely to be about those we don't know as we have already judged and accepted those closer to us. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. Yep. It's something I never understand about the "don't judge" comments that pop up in life. First off, we all judge, and people are more than happy to accept good judgments (compliments, etc.). Secondly, when a negative judgment is valid then it can lead us to be better people if we aim to change our behavior. If a judgement is something we can't fix or is made not for the purpose of betterment, but just to be nasty, then it really isn't the judgement itself that's the problem..." But if someone is just being nasty surely that should affect us even less because presumably they're wrong. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think people tend to get more upset when those judgements hit upon a personal insecurity. Although, there's also something to be said about the stranger being perceived as more objective than a friend who judges you. Maybe that perceived objectivity makes the judgement sting a bit more than it otherwise would? I dunno. Just some thoughts." I like this thought. Perhaps it's the fact that they've hit on some point that their friends would never dare mention but they themselves know it to be true, hence it bothers them. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Judgment can be good too. Yes and often the same people who think a stranger judging them is terrible will lap up tbe compliments of a stranger. It's human nature to judge, positively, negatively, on the shallowest and the tiniest of things and the far more significant. And the reality is judgements are far more likely to be about those we don't know as we have already judged and accepted those closer to us." Absolutely this. I’ll add for myself that If I’m wrong about any judgements I make I’ll happily apologise but my gut instinct is usually correct. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Some think they have to get the whole world to like them, as opposed to an important few." Funny but true. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
" Some think they have to get the whole world to like them, as opposed to an important few." Yeah. One of my mum's favourite phrases is "what will people think?" My dad always replies "I don't care what people think" | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them?" A low self of steem mabey ? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Maybe if a stranger judges us in some way, we think everyone judges us in the same way. And if it’s something negative, it must have an effect on us surely?" Of course it does . I doubt anyone will take a negative comment and really not care at all. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Often, it's because it has nailed an existing insecurity." And often the insecurity is in the person who judges. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Maybe if a stranger judges us in some way, we think everyone judges us in the same way. And if it’s something negative, it must have an effect on us surely? Of course it does . I doubt anyone will take a negative comment and really not care at all. " I don’t believe those who say they don’t care. We all have feelings and emotions. They can’t be switched off that easily. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Often, it's because it has nailed an existing insecurity. And often the insecurity is in the person who judges." But why should that upset the subject? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Maybe if a stranger judges us in some way, we think everyone judges us in the same way. And if it’s something negative, it must have an effect on us surely? Of course it does . I doubt anyone will take a negative comment and really not care at all. I don’t believe those who say they don’t care. We all have feelings and emotions. They can’t be switched off that easily. " Exactly this. If someone really doesn't give a shit what someone else says about them ,stranger or otherwise then they wouldn't be human . | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm in waffle mode this evening " I like your waffles. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Often, it's because it has nailed an existing insecurity. And often the insecurity is in the person who judges. But why should that upset the subject?" It wouldn't necessarily but people will often judge negatively because someone else displays a characteristic that they feel affects the way they think about themselves badly. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is all very well but what the argument fails to recognise is that actually we don’t have the right to judge. We are not perfect. We are human, therefore we are flawed. This is like saying the person being judged is somehow to blame. That a judgmental response is justified. It is ok that we hurt someone’s feelings because really they should man up. I do not hold with pandering to everyone’s feelings for the sake of it, but to get back on point people get upset because the harsh judgement of others can be painful. Whoever they are. Not one of us has the given right to force our opinions on others. We can guide, coach, influence, perhaps even be brutally honest in our opinion. But until you know a person and can understand their position. Your judgement will only ever be critical. Tempered with empathy we can start to learn. Perhaps instead of making a judgement we should practice asking a question. Sometimes we might all learn something. V x " Are all judgements negative? | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I think people tend to get more upset when those judgements hit upon a personal insecurity. Although, there's also something to be said about the stranger being perceived as more objective than a friend who judges you. Maybe that perceived objectivity makes the judgement sting a bit more than it otherwise would? I dunno. Just some thoughts. I think your point about strangers being more objective is very astute." First impressions count. And if a stranger is judging you then its how you immediately come across that is under scrutiny. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I'm in waffle mode this evening I like your waffles. " Thank you SH - I did have a resolution in 2017 to suppress it but I think it's freeform 2018. With all my waffling, I don't take enough time to let you and others know how I much I value your musings. Keep it up | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"I don’t know so much about strangers judging . This site is a supposedly a place where like minded people can communicate with each other and one would suppose that other swingers wouldn’t judge each other . But inevitably they do , and whether that’s because they can , or because they don’t agree with a particular trait I just don’t know . What’s interesting is when we go to a vanilla club , or pub , and explain to potential suitors or those who ask what we do . Face to face , we get little or no judgement and these people aren’t swingers ! They will sit and chat about it , enjoy some fun with us , and don’t judge at all ..... Of course we get a few that don’t get it , and they will say so , but they don’t look down on us or give us a hard time . It’s just us doing what we do , and they probably won’t ever get it , but as I say , there’s never a negative judgemental call from anyone we talk to . So it’s probably the case that behind a keyboard , people will behave and say things in a different way that’s they would face to face ." Absolutely spot on. #KeyboardWarrirors | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is all very well but what the argument fails to recognise is that actually we don’t have the right to judge. We are not perfect. We are human, therefore we are flawed. This is like saying the person being judged is somehow to blame. That a judgmental response is justified. It is ok that we hurt someone’s feelings because really they should man up. I do not hold with pandering to everyone’s feelings for the sake of it, but to get back on point people get upset because the harsh judgement of others can be painful. Whoever they are. Not one of us has the given right to force our opinions on others. We can guide, coach, influence, perhaps even be brutally honest in our opinion. But until you know a person and can understand their position. Your judgement will only ever be critical. Tempered with empathy we can start to learn. Perhaps instead of making a judgement we should practice asking a question. Sometimes we might all learn something. V x Are all judgements negative?" Depends on how they are received. You may think your judgement is fair and square but someone else might not. Judgments are subjective based on the person you are and the information you have at the time. That is the case for any judgement we make. V x | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Maybe if a stranger judges us in some way, we think everyone judges us in the same way. And if it’s something negative, it must have an effect on us surely? Of course it does . I doubt anyone will take a negative comment and really not care at all. " I don't care. Even as a child I didn't react to people saying things about me. Maybe that's why I never felt I was bullied; remarks went in and out without causing pain. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
| |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"This is all very well but what the argument fails to recognise is that actually we don’t have the right to judge. We are not perfect. We are human, therefore we are flawed. This is like saying the person being judged is somehow to blame. That a judgmental response is justified. It is ok that we hurt someone’s feelings because really they should man up. I do not hold with pandering to everyone’s feelings for the sake of it, but to get back on point people get upset because the harsh judgement of others can be painful. Whoever they are. Not one of us has the given right to force our opinions on others. We can guide, coach, influence, perhaps even be brutally honest in our opinion. But until you know a person and can understand their position. Your judgement will only ever be critical. Tempered with empathy we can start to learn. Perhaps instead of making a judgement we should practice asking a question. Sometimes we might all learn something. V x Are all judgements negative? Depends on how they are received. You may think your judgement is fair and square but someone else might not. Judgments are subjective based on the person you are and the information you have at the time. That is the case for any judgement we make. V x " I agree. Hence the question in my OP. Their judgement may be wrong- in which case why be upset about it? My point was that they are strangers, they don't know the person. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them?" Do you mean judged or negatively criticised? I have absolutely no problem with someone judging me to be attractive or sexy. I might question their judgement but certainly wouldn't object to it! | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them? Do you mean judged or negatively criticised? I have absolutely no problem with someone judging me to be attractive or sexy. I might question their judgement but certainly wouldn't object to it! " Either, that's why I left it open. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
"Why do some people get so upset when strangers judge them? Do you mean judged or negatively criticised? I have absolutely no problem with someone judging me to be attractive or sexy. I might question their judgement but certainly wouldn't object to it! " Yes, 'judged' and 'judgemental' can be used by people who don't like anything said that goes against their way of doing things. I agree lots of people can be judgmental, but it is also becoming a bit of a go-to phrase. I dont subscribe to the notion that swingers would generally be less 'judgemental' than any other group of society. From what I've seen the mix of people is similar to any other random mix of people. | |||
Reply privately | Reply in forum | Reply +quote |
Post new Message to Thread |
back to top |