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"I don’t think I’m goid at blaming other people for things at all, in fact I would say I’m normally the one that shoulders the brunt of the blame for many things. It’s something I’m trying to unlearn and accept that actually I’m not always guilty of causing things to go wrong or hurt people. But undoing many years of conditioning takes time. I don’t blame many people for things but I do get to a point that I call people out on bad behaviour x " So for you, the object of your blame is you — and yes, it’s not being properly accountable if you allow yourself to mop up for everyone. It’s hard to assertively say to people - this is what happened, this is the result, can we discuss... it's often far easier to take it on ourselves - or to just lob it at them without the maturity of non-abusive conversation, in other cases! | |||
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"I am a great believer in holding your hands up - even if that gets you into bother. I have way more respect for people who say 'I fucked up. How do we put it right ?' than I do for those that look for a rug to sweep their mistakes under. I have just spent nearly 4 years with a company with an inherent blame culture (mainly driven by male ego) and, above all else, it was the reason I left." Totally with you on this!! It’s refreshing when people are authentic, vulnerable and accountable. It does require tenacity and intelligence and grit though! I read a lot on the forum of blame to others without first a seeking to talk in a non judgemental way. | |||
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"I believe in impartiality. I will blame someone if i know they are wrong. I will also hold my hands up if i am . It's simplistic but it works ." I don’t think life is so easily simplified. I think black and white thinking can be rather limiting sometimes. But in essence of what you’re saying, fair enough - it’s an easy answer. | |||
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"I don’t think I’m goid at blaming other people for things at all, in fact I would say I’m normally the one that shoulders the brunt of the blame for many things. It’s something I’m trying to unlearn and accept that actually I’m not always guilty of causing things to go wrong or hurt people. But undoing many years of conditioning takes time. I don’t blame many people for things but I do get to a point that I call people out on bad behaviour x So for you, the object of your blame is you — and yes, it’s not being properly accountable if you allow yourself to mop up for everyone. It’s hard to assertively say to people - this is what happened, this is the result, can we discuss... it's often far easier to take it on ourselves - or to just lob it at them without the maturity of non-abusive conversation, in other cases! " No it isn’t, but to survive and protect my children I had to accept responsibility for wrongdoings that weren’t of my making. I’m not one for getting all sweary when pointing things out as I find the truth often works much better. But I do question now if I am to blame and won’t accept it so much x | |||
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"I believe in impartiality. I will blame someone if i know they are wrong. I will also hold my hands up if i am . It's simplistic but it works . I don’t think life is so easily simplified. I think black and white thinking can be rather limiting sometimes. But in essence of what you’re saying, fair enough - it’s an easy answer. " It makes my life easier and works for me so I stick to it . I certainly blame someone if they serve me awful sausages  | |||
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"I don’t think I’m goid at blaming other people for things at all, in fact I would say I’m normally the one that shoulders the brunt of the blame for many things. It’s something I’m trying to unlearn and accept that actually I’m not always guilty of causing things to go wrong or hurt people. But undoing many years of conditioning takes time. I don’t blame many people for things but I do get to a point that I call people out on bad behaviour x So for you, the object of your blame is you — and yes, it’s not being properly accountable if you allow yourself to mop up for everyone. It’s hard to assertively say to people - this is what happened, this is the result, can we discuss... it's often far easier to take it on ourselves - or to just lob it at them without the maturity of non-abusive conversation, in other cases! No it isn’t, but to survive and protect my children I had to accept responsibility for wrongdoings that weren’t of my making. I’m not one for getting all sweary when pointing things out as I find the truth often works much better. But I do question now if I am to blame and won’t accept it so much x " Nods, yes survival has to come first and occasionally the choices we make when under threat are to be expedient for our safety first and foremost. It’s good to be in a place of security now that allows you to assert more  | |||
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"I blame myself for my mistakes. At work I never blame those who work for me in front of others, even if they were wrong. I accept the failure and deal with it afterwards. " [Is it wrong that I read this in terms of getting disciplined? And sexually?] | |||
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"I blame myself for my mistakes. At work I never blame those who work for me in front of others, even if they were wrong. I accept the failure and deal with it afterwards. " Do you hold yourself accountable, or blame (and beat up) yourself? | |||
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"I believe in impartiality. I will blame someone if i know they are wrong. I will also hold my hands up if i am . It's simplistic but it works . I don’t think life is so easily simplified. I think black and white thinking can be rather limiting sometimes. But in essence of what you’re saying, fair enough - it’s an easy answer. It makes my life easier and works for me so I stick to it . I certainly blame someone if they serve me awful sausages " | |||
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"I believe in impartiality. I will blame someone if i know they are wrong. I will also hold my hands up if i am . It's simplistic but it works . I don’t think life is so easily simplified. I think black and white thinking can be rather limiting sometimes. But in essence of what you’re saying, fair enough - it’s an easy answer. " To explain it better , let's say I broke a glass at home . I would admit it . If a glass was broken at home and I know it wasn't me then I will find out who it was and make them accountable . We all make mistakes ( and I've made plenty ) . But standing up and being accountable for your mistakes is the mark of a good human being . | |||
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"I'm just used to it being my fault  "Do you need a hug? Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault? It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control. Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G? | |||
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"I believe in impartiality. I will blame someone if i know they are wrong. I will also hold my hands up if i am . It's simplistic but it works . I don’t think life is so easily simplified. I think black and white thinking can be rather limiting sometimes. But in essence of what you’re saying, fair enough - it’s an easy answer. To explain it better , let's say I broke a glass at home . I would admit it . If a glass was broken at home and I know it wasn't me then I will find out who it was and make them accountable . We all make mistakes ( and I've made plenty ) . But standing up and being accountable for your mistakes is the mark of a good human being ." Yes | |||
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"I blame myself for my mistakes. At work I never blame those who work for me in front of others, even if they were wrong. I accept the failure and deal with it afterwards. Do you hold yourself accountable, or blame (and beat up) yourself? " That is a fair question. Always accountable. If there was something I should have done to avoid said person's failure than blame. | |||
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"I blame myself for my mistakes. At work I never blame those who work for me in front of others, even if they were wrong. I accept the failure and deal with it afterwards. Do you hold yourself accountable, or blame (and beat up) yourself? That is a fair question. Always accountable. If there was something I should have done to avoid said person's failure than blame. " Nods. A reasoned approach. | |||
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"i dont blame unless im sure - a friend of mine continually blames others whilst its themself that are continually doing wrong by others - hurts a lot of people but its just in the make up " I wonder if when we know we are not to blame and someone else is (not focusing this on you per se, just thinking..) if we then blame when we should hold people accountable, is blaming helpful or a little revelling in it? I’m just unpicking the negative aspects of the action of blame — and focusing on the positive of holding to account...one potentially to pull down and the other to lift up (albeit still understanding what happened clearly)... Sorry, ruminating.  | |||
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"If I am not to blame I will fight my corner, whereas if I am to blame I will accept that I am at fault...eventually."  | |||
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"I'm just used to it being my fault
Do you need a hug?
Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault?
It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control.
Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G? "Whilst the hug is most welcome Miss Estella, I may have been talking in jest and playing up to a stereotype 
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"I'm just used to it being my fault
Do you need a hug?
Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault?
It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control.
Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G?
Whilst the hug is most welcome Miss Estella, I may have been talking in jest and playing up to a stereotype
"Awww you naughty boy! | |||
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"I'm just used to it being my fault
Do you need a hug?
Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault?
It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control.
Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G?
Whilst the hug is most welcome Miss Estella, I may have been talking in jest and playing up to a stereotype
Awww you naughty boy! "Get yer handcuffs out!  | |||
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"I'm just used to it being my fault
Do you need a hug?
Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault?
It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control.
Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G?
Whilst the hug is most welcome Miss Estella, I may have been talking in jest and playing up to a stereotype
Awww you naughty boy!
Get yer handcuffs out! "Orgasm torture for you. | |||
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"I'm just used to it being my fault
Do you need a hug?
Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault?
It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control.
Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G?
Whilst the hug is most welcome Miss Estella, I may have been talking in jest and playing up to a stereotype
Awww you naughty boy!
Get yer handcuffs out!
Orgasm torture for you."So, so cruel...  | |||
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"I'm just used to it being my fault
Do you need a hug?
Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault?
It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control.
Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G?
Whilst the hug is most welcome Miss Estella, I may have been talking in jest and playing up to a stereotype
Awww you naughty boy!
Get yer handcuffs out!
Orgasm torture for you.
So, so cruel... "I thought that seems very fair..torture him  | |||
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"I'm just used to it being my fault
Do you need a hug?
Or is this perhaps a thought distortion meaning that you think everything is always your fault?
It’s interesting how it says in the clip that blaming ourselves and having someone at fault is better than it being nobody’s fault as it gives a semblance of control.
Are you trying to grapple a sense of control back, G?
Whilst the hug is most welcome Miss Estella, I may have been talking in jest and playing up to a stereotype
Awww you naughty boy!
Get yer handcuffs out!
Orgasm torture for you.
So, so cruel... " | |||
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"I don't think I blame as such, there's 2 sides to everything. We're both accountable. I don't usually bother telling them what the issue is though as there's no point. People just get defensive and won't accept they played a part in it. " Only the emotionally immature or damaged. | |||
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"I don't think I blame as such, there's 2 sides to everything. We're both accountable. I don't usually bother telling them what the issue is though as there's no point. People just get defensive and won't accept they played a part in it. Only the emotionally immature or damaged. " Them or me? | |||
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"I don't think I blame as such, there's 2 sides to everything. We're both accountable. I don't usually bother telling them what the issue is though as there's no point. People just get defensive and won't accept they played a part in it. Only the emotionally immature or damaged. Them or me?" Those who only get defensive. Of course it depends how you broach the subject too, minefield there.... | |||
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