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Thought distortions

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Stop! Don’t panic! It might not be what you think!

Here are ten of the most common thought distortions you might have experienced:

1. Mental Filter

Mental filtering is when we focus exclusively on the most negative and upsetting features of a situation, filtering out all of the more positive aspects.

Example: You undertake a presentation at work which is complimented and praised by ninety-five percent of the team - but you dwell and focus on the five percent of feedback that you could have done a slightly better job. This leaves you convinced you didn't do well enough and not only don't you recognise and enjoy the praise being offered but you decide not to participate in future events.

2. Disqualifying the Positive

Disqualifying the positive is when we continually discount and dismiss the positive experiences we encounter, by deciding they are unimportant or 'don't count'.

Example: A friend compliments you on a dinner you made, but you decide that “they are just saying that to be nice” or “they are trying to get something out of me”.

3. 'All or Nothing' Thinking

'All or nothing' thinking is when we see things purely in 'black or white'. These types of thoughts are characterised by terms such as or 'every', 'always', or 'never' . Everything is seen as good or bad or a success or failure. It is generally the negative perspective that is endorsed, discounting all the shades of grey that lie in between the two focussed on choices.

Example: If you get eighty per cent on a test, you feel like a failure that you didn't get a perfect score.

4. Overgeneralisation

Thinking in an over-generalising way means we will often see a single unpleasant incident or event as evidence of everything being awful and negative, and a sign that now everything will go wrong.

Example: If you fail to get a job you interview for, you decide you are never going to get a job. Or you might go on one unsuccessful date and that is it, you decide you are never going to find a partner.

5. Jumping to Conclusions

An individual who ‘jumps to conclusions’ will often make a negative interpretation or prediction even though there is no evidence to support their conclusion. This type of thinking is often made when thinking about how others feel towards us. It can show up as either 'mind reading' (assuming the thoughts and intentions of others) or 'fortune-telling' (anticipating the worse and taking it as fact).

Example: You are at a party and you don't like what you are wearing and you decide 'everyone is laughing at me' (mind reading). Or you are going to take your drivers test and 'know' that you are going to fail (fortune-telling).

6. Magnifying or Minimising (also referred to as “Catastrophisation”)

Thinking in a magnifying or minimising manner is when we exaggerate the importance of negative events and minimize or downplay the importance of positive events. In depressed individuals, it is often the positive characteristics of other people that are exaggerated and the negatives that are understated (and then when thinking of oneself, this is reversed). When we think catastrophically we are unable to see any other outcome other than the worse one, however unlikely this result may turn out to be.

Example: You send out the wrong letter to a client at work, and this turns into “I will now lose my job, and then I won’t be able to pay my bills, and then I will lose my house.”

7. Personalisation

A person engaging in personalisation will automatically assume responsibility and blame for negative events that are not under their control. This is also called 'the mother of guilt' because of the feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy it leads to.

Example: You feel it's all your fault that your dog injured his foot even though you weren't at home when it happened but were out shopping. Your thoughts might be 'if only I didn't go out' or even 'maybe when I came home I accidentally stepped on the dog and hurt him' even though this is entirely unrealistic.

8. Shoulds and Oughts

Individuals thinking in 'shoulds', ‘oughts; or 'musts' have an ironclad view of how they and others ‘should’ and ‘ought’ to be. These rigid views or rules can generate feels of anger, frustration, resentment, disappointment and guilt if not followed.

Example: You don't like playing tennis but take lessons as you feel you 'should', and that you 'shouldn't' make so many mistakes on the court, and that your coach 'ought to' be stricter on you. You also feel that you 'must' please him by trying harder.

9. Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when we assume feelings reflect fact, regardless of the evidence. The idea here is “I feel it, therefore it must be true”. Such thinking can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies whereby our thoughts can end up eliciting the very behaviour we predicted, just because we changed our behaviour in accordance with that thought.

For example, if you think “I feel ugly and stupid, so then I must actually be ugly and stupid” you might then stop buying yourself new clothes and start doing poorly at the course you are taking at university, even though you look fine and were doing very well at school.

10. Labelling

Labelling is an extreme form of 'all or nothing' thinking and overgeneralisation. Rather than describing a specific behaviour, an individual instead assigns a negative and highly emotive label to themselves or others that leaves no room for change.

Example: You make a mistake on a form you filled out and it's sent back to you in the post. So you decide “I'm such a loser” or “I'm so stupid” rather than thinking “I made a mistake as I had a busy day when I was filling this out”

Breathe and check out your thinking!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

I’m could be considered expert in all of those but in truth I’m not that good

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m could be considered expert in all of those but in truth I’m not that good"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"I’m could be considered expert in all of those but in truth I’m not that good

"

See I can’t even type a sentence without auto-carrot ruining it

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I’m could be considered expert in all of those but in truth I’m not that good

See I can’t even type a sentence without auto-carrot ruining it "

I like your auto carrot

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks

Too long didn’t read...........um fuck?

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By *wisted999Man
over a year ago

North Bucks


"Too long didn’t read...........um fuck? "

Think I may have mental filtered

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?"

I am the child of god, yes.

(And it’s not philosophy, sillybilly!)

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By *loswingersCouple
over a year ago

Gloucester

I think that’s all a bit too much for me to be thinking about ......

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Too long didn’t read...........um fuck?

Think I may have mental filtered "

Nods, you did

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I think that’s all a bit too much for me to be thinking about ......"

let’s just get to the fuck party Clem’s organising!

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By *orwegian BlueMan
over a year ago

Iceland, but Aldi is closer..

most of exhibit one or more of those traits at some point in our lives, it is because we are human.

dwelling on or letting such traits control your life is usually a sign of stress or in some instances brought about by another's mental abuse.

understanding feelings that at the time seem almost natural to you is the first step of breaking the cycle and actually starting to see their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Op, i will ask the question the rest of us are thinking.. how long did it take you to type this?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"most of exhibit one or more of those traits at some point in our lives, it is because we are human.

dwelling on or letting such traits control your life is usually a sign of stress or in some instances brought about by another's mental abuse.

understanding feelings that at the time seem almost natural to you is the first step of breaking the cycle and actually starting to see their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Op, i will ask the question the rest of us are thinking.. how long did it take you to type this?"

Cut and paste, yo!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

I am the child of god, yes.

(And it’s not philosophy, sillybilly!)

"

Okay, shi-ite 101.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

I am the child of god, yes.

(And it’s not philosophy, sillybilly!)

Okay, shi-ite 101. "

You never fail to live up to the impression I’ve formed of you, Doc

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

I am the child of god, yes.

(And it’s not philosophy, sillybilly!)

Okay, shi-ite 101.

You never fail to live up to the impression I’ve formed of you, Doc "

Nor you by me!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

I am the child of god, yes.

(And it’s not philosophy, sillybilly!)

Okay, shi-ite 101.

You never fail to live up to the impression I’ve formed of you, Doc

Nor you by me! "

Hurrah

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By *ola.Woman
over a year ago

Just where I need to be.

We all have thought distortions usually our emotional well being pays a part in how we interpret communication. I'm reading The subtle art of not giving a f*ck. Essentially learning how to focus and prioritise your thoughts.We give too many fucks about things that don't matter. Never thought too many fucks would be written on swinging site.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?"

Why shouldn't we take the opportunity to feed our brains as well as our libidos?

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"We all have thought distortions usually our emotional well being pays a part in how we interpret communication. I'm reading The subtle art of not giving a f*ck. Essentially learning how to focus and prioritise your thoughts.We give too many fucks about things that don't matter. Never thought too many fucks would be written on swinging site. "

how beautifully apposite

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

Why shouldn't we take the opportunity to feed our brains as well as our libidos? "

They’re not mutually exclusive for me.

Come prod me, Doctor!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

Why shouldn't we take the opportunity to feed our brains as well as our libidos?

They’re not mutually exclusive for me.

Come prod me, Doctor! "

To me neither, after all, isn't the brain our most sensitive erogenous zone?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

Why shouldn't we take the opportunity to feed our brains as well as our libidos?

They’re not mutually exclusive for me.

Come prod me, Doctor!

To me neither, after all, isn't the brain our most sensitive erogenous zone?"

It is!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella "

Oh a very good point! Yes!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella "

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom."

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate” "

Oh I could rattle on about introjected values and self actualising here

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

Oh I could rattle on about introjected values and self actualising here

"

Stop turning me on!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate” "

I'm not suggesting letting go of the reigns completely, that way lies disaster. I do think, however, that our failure to aknowledge or our extreme suppression of our more primal instincts does more harm than good.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

I'm not suggesting letting go of the reigns completely, that way lies disaster. I do think, however, that our failure to aknowledge or our extreme suppression of our more primal instincts does more harm than good."

Sometimes we just need to be, to feel, to express....

....and to fuck! Yeah!!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

Oh I could rattle on about introjected values and self actualising here

Stop turning me on! "

I can't help it. I even have books on it

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

Oh I could rattle on about introjected values and self actualising here

Stop turning me on!

I can't help it. I even have books on it "

Swoon!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

I'm not suggesting letting go of the reigns completely, that way lies disaster. I do think, however, that our failure to aknowledge or our extreme suppression of our more primal instincts does more harm than good.

Sometimes we just need to be, to feel, to express....

....and to fuck! Yeah!! "

Exactly. Despite our protestations otherwise we are still, essentially, animals. To automatically be told that it's wrong to feel or act a certain way is not something i'm comfortable with. Provided no harm is done i fail to see the problem.

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By *entileschiWoman
over a year ago

Norwich


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

Why shouldn't we take the opportunity to feed our brains as well as our libidos? "

Precisely!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Catastrophising. Research suggests we love bad news. There is always bad news but you never see a breathless reporter on the streets of a far-off city saying war hasn't borken out.

Researchers also showed people a 15-minute clip of good news and they were bored.

Stereotyping. God knows there's been too much of it since the referendum. All Leavers are Faragists, though curiously all Remainers aren't Clarksonists. Funny, that. A casual racist campaigns for Remain but that's ok. Still the good guys in white hats, it's the Earps vs the Clantons.

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By *urlesque!Woman
over a year ago

Gloucester

Great post OP - even if not appreciated by everybody

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

I'm not suggesting letting go of the reigns completely, that way lies disaster. I do think, however, that our failure to aknowledge or our extreme suppression of our more primal instincts does more harm than good.

Sometimes we just need to be, to feel, to express....

....and to fuck! Yeah!!

Exactly. Despite our protestations otherwise we are still, essentially, animals. To automatically be told that it's wrong to feel or act a certain way is not something i'm comfortable with. Provided no harm is done i fail to see the problem."

Rawwwwrrrrr!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Christ, sexual site or philosophy 101?

Why shouldn't we take the opportunity to feed our brains as well as our libidos?

Precisely! "

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Catastrophising. Research suggests we love bad news. There is always bad news but you never see a breathless reporter on the streets of a far-off city saying war hasn't borken out.

Researchers also showed people a 15-minute clip of good news and they were bored.

Stereotyping. God knows there's been too much of it since the referendum. All Leavers are Faragists, though curiously all Remainers aren't Clarksonists. Funny, that. A casual racist campaigns for Remain but that's ok. Still the good guys in white hats, it's the Earps vs the Clantons."

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Great post OP - even if not appreciated by everybody "

Thank you

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

I'm not suggesting letting go of the reigns completely, that way lies disaster. I do think, however, that our failure to aknowledge or our extreme suppression of our more primal instincts does more harm than good.

Sometimes we just need to be, to feel, to express....

....and to fuck! Yeah!!

Exactly. Despite our protestations otherwise we are still, essentially, animals. To automatically be told that it's wrong to feel or act a certain way is not something i'm comfortable with. Provided no harm is done i fail to see the problem.

Rawwwwrrrrr! "

So i am or have been at some point guilty of all of the points in the op and, you know what?, i'm ok with that. I don't claim to be perfect, nor do i have any desire to be. I am who i am and that's for other people to deal with. Perfection is it's own flaw and that way leads only to stagnation and death.

People seem to waste far too much time hand wringing, they lose sight of what this is supposed to be all about; enjoying life and getting on with it. We only get one shot so why waste time and effort worrying about the opinions of others?

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop! Don’t panic! It might not be what you think!

Here are ten of the most common thought distortions you might have experienced:

1. Mental Filter

Mental filtering is when we focus exclusively on the most negative and upsetting features of a situation, filtering out all of the more positive aspects.

Example: You undertake a presentation at work which is complimented and praised by ninety-five percent of the team - but you dwell and focus on the five percent of feedback that you could have done a slightly better job. This leaves you convinced you didn't do well enough and not only don't you recognise and enjoy the praise being offered but you decide not to participate in future events.

2. Disqualifying the Positive

Disqualifying the positive is when we continually discount and dismiss the positive experiences we encounter, by deciding they are unimportant or 'don't count'.

Example: A friend compliments you on a dinner you made, but you decide that “they are just saying that to be nice” or “they are trying to get something out of me”.

3. 'All or Nothing' Thinking

'All or nothing' thinking is when we see things purely in 'black or white'. These types of thoughts are characterised by terms such as or 'every', 'always', or 'never' . Everything is seen as good or bad or a success or failure. It is generally the negative perspective that is endorsed, discounting all the shades of grey that lie in between the two focussed on choices.

Example: If you get eighty per cent on a test, you feel like a failure that you didn't get a perfect score.

4. Overgeneralisation

Thinking in an over-generalising way means we will often see a single unpleasant incident or event as evidence of everything being awful and negative, and a sign that now everything will go wrong.

Example: If you fail to get a job you interview for, you decide you are never going to get a job. Or you might go on one unsuccessful date and that is it, you decide you are never going to find a partner.

5. Jumping to Conclusions

An individual who ‘jumps to conclusions’ will often make a negative interpretation or prediction even though there is no evidence to support their conclusion. This type of thinking is often made when thinking about how others feel towards us. It can show up as either 'mind reading' (assuming the thoughts and intentions of others) or 'fortune-telling' (anticipating the worse and taking it as fact).

Example: You are at a party and you don't like what you are wearing and you decide 'everyone is laughing at me' (mind reading). Or you are going to take your drivers test and 'know' that you are going to fail (fortune-telling).

6. Magnifying or Minimising (also referred to as “Catastrophisation”)

Thinking in a magnifying or minimising manner is when we exaggerate the importance of negative events and minimize or downplay the importance of positive events. In depressed individuals, it is often the positive characteristics of other people that are exaggerated and the negatives that are understated (and then when thinking of oneself, this is reversed). When we think catastrophically we are unable to see any other outcome other than the worse one, however unlikely this result may turn out to be.

Example: You send out the wrong letter to a client at work, and this turns into “I will now lose my job, and then I won’t be able to pay my bills, and then I will lose my house.”

7. Personalisation

A person engaging in personalisation will automatically assume responsibility and blame for negative events that are not under their control. This is also called 'the mother of guilt' because of the feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy it leads to.

Example: You feel it's all your fault that your dog injured his foot even though you weren't at home when it happened but were out shopping. Your thoughts might be 'if only I didn't go out' or even 'maybe when I came home I accidentally stepped on the dog and hurt him' even though this is entirely unrealistic.

8. Shoulds and Oughts

Individuals thinking in 'shoulds', ‘oughts; or 'musts' have an ironclad view of how they and others ‘should’ and ‘ought’ to be. These rigid views or rules can generate feels of anger, frustration, resentment, disappointment and guilt if not followed.

Example: You don't like playing tennis but take lessons as you feel you 'should', and that you 'shouldn't' make so many mistakes on the court, and that your coach 'ought to' be stricter on you. You also feel that you 'must' please him by trying harder.

9. Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when we assume feelings reflect fact, regardless of the evidence. The idea here is “I feel it, therefore it must be true”. Such thinking can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies whereby our thoughts can end up eliciting the very behaviour we predicted, just because we changed our behaviour in accordance with that thought.

For example, if you think “I feel ugly and stupid, so then I must actually be ugly and stupid” you might then stop buying yourself new clothes and start doing poorly at the course you are taking at university, even though you look fine and were doing very well at school.

10. Labelling

Labelling is an extreme form of 'all or nothing' thinking and overgeneralisation. Rather than describing a specific behaviour, an individual instead assigns a negative and highly emotive label to themselves or others that leaves no room for change.

Example: You make a mistake on a form you filled out and it's sent back to you in the post. So you decide “I'm such a loser” or “I'm so stupid” rather than thinking “I made a mistake as I had a busy day when I was filling this out”

Breathe and check out your thinking! "

Estella the psycho-therapist

Excellent post. It resonates profoundly and raises a couple of points for me.

Being 'armed' with this knowledge can be frustrating if unable to put into practice (thus potentially compounding any conditions) eg. Sometimes a decision or action is needed to be made quickly, when some of us need time to make that decision/action.

Do you think these symptoms are a result of socioeconomic/political changes and pressures or is it a case of we've always suffered from these conditions it's just we've made giant steps the the medical world in identifying/understanding and treating these human dysfunctions?

Fuzz

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

I'm not suggesting letting go of the reigns completely, that way lies disaster. I do think, however, that our failure to aknowledge or our extreme suppression of our more primal instincts does more harm than good.

Sometimes we just need to be, to feel, to express....

....and to fuck! Yeah!!

Exactly. Despite our protestations otherwise we are still, essentially, animals. To automatically be told that it's wrong to feel or act a certain way is not something i'm comfortable with. Provided no harm is done i fail to see the problem.

Rawwwwrrrrr!

So i am or have been at some point guilty of all of the points in the op and, you know what?, i'm ok with that. I don't claim to be perfect, nor do i have any desire to be. I am who i am and that's for other people to deal with. Perfection is it's own flaw and that way leads only to stagnation and death.

People seem to waste far too much time hand wringing, they lose sight of what this is supposed to be all about; enjoying life and getting on with it. We only get one shot so why waste time and effort worrying about the opinions of others?"

This is true

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Estella the psycho-therapist

Excellent post. It resonates profoundly and raises a couple of points for me.

Being 'armed' with this knowledge can be frustrating if unable to put into practice (thus potentially compounding any conditions) eg. Sometimes a decision or action is needed to be made quickly, when some of us need time to make that decision/action.

Do you think these symptoms are a result of socioeconomic/political changes and pressures or is it a case of we've always suffered from these conditions it's just we've made giant steps the the medical world in identifying/understanding and treating these human dysfunctions?

Fuzz"

Estella, the psycho-therapist, says:

“Well Fuzz, what do *you* think?”

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"All the above at some point.

The trick is realising you're doing it and correcting the behaviour.

Also your self worth comes into play here. How much do you doubt yourself or your worth in society.

A good read Estella

Or perhaps it's the value judgement we place upon such things. We should pay less attention to the super-ego and give the id more freedom.

I wrote a short story once based on the fact that it is the “id” that turns the word “intimate” into “intimidate”

I'm not suggesting letting go of the reigns completely, that way lies disaster. I do think, however, that our failure to aknowledge or our extreme suppression of our more primal instincts does more harm than good.

Sometimes we just need to be, to feel, to express....

....and to fuck! Yeah!!

Exactly. Despite our protestations otherwise we are still, essentially, animals. To automatically be told that it's wrong to feel or act a certain way is not something i'm comfortable with. Provided no harm is done i fail to see the problem.

Rawwwwrrrrr!

So i am or have been at some point guilty of all of the points in the op and, you know what?, i'm ok with that. I don't claim to be perfect, nor do i have any desire to be. I am who i am and that's for other people to deal with. Perfection is it's own flaw and that way leads only to stagnation and death.

People seem to waste far too much time hand wringing, they lose sight of what this is supposed to be all about; enjoying life and getting on with it. We only get one shot so why waste time and effort worrying about the opinions of others?

This is true "

And upon being judged we have to ask ourselves: what qualifies these people to judge in the first place? Often the harshest critics are the ones most guilty of the self same thing. People in glass house should masturbate in the cellar.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

I’m thinking about your questions, Fuzz. Need to mull.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Estella the psycho-therapist

Excellent post. It resonates profoundly and raises a couple of points for me.

Being 'armed' with this knowledge can be frustrating if unable to put into practice (thus potentially compounding any conditions) eg. Sometimes a decision or action is needed to be made quickly, when some of us need time to make that decision/action.

Do you think these symptoms are a result of socioeconomic/political changes and pressures or is it a case of we've always suffered from these conditions it's just we've made giant steps the the medical world in identifying/understanding and treating these human dysfunctions?

Fuzz

Estella, the psycho-therapist, says:

“Well Fuzz, what do *you* think?”"

Depends on what mood and which *me* is being anal-ised. Are you charging by the hour or can I pay you in 'kind'?

Fuzz

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Estella the psycho-therapist

Excellent post. It resonates profoundly and raises a couple of points for me.

Being 'armed' with this knowledge can be frustrating if unable to put into practice (thus potentially compounding any conditions) eg. Sometimes a decision or action is needed to be made quickly, when some of us need time to make that decision/action.

Do you think these symptoms are a result of socioeconomic/political changes and pressures or is it a case of we've always suffered from these conditions it's just we've made giant steps the the medical world in identifying/understanding and treating these human dysfunctions?

Fuzz

Estella, the psycho-therapist, says:

“Well Fuzz, what do *you* think?”

Depends on what mood and which *me* is being anal-ised. Are you charging by the hour or can I pay you in 'kind'?

Fuzz"

You see now I’m not concentrating properly. Now I’m thinking of reaping my rewards in the form of anal-ising you. Now I just want to fuck. Darnit.

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"

Estella the psycho-therapist

Excellent post. It resonates profoundly and raises a couple of points for me.

Being 'armed' with this knowledge can be frustrating if unable to put into practice (thus potentially compounding any conditions) eg. Sometimes a decision or action is needed to be made quickly, when some of us need time to make that decision/action.

Do you think these symptoms are a result of socioeconomic/political changes and pressures or is it a case of we've always suffered from these conditions it's just we've made giant steps the the medical world in identifying/understanding and treating these human dysfunctions?

Fuzz

Estella, the psycho-therapist, says:

“Well Fuzz, what do *you* think?”

Depends on what mood and which *me* is being anal-ised. Are you charging by the hour or can I pay you in 'kind'?

Fuzz

You see now I’m not concentrating properly. Now I’m thinking of reaping my rewards in the form of anal-ising you. Now I just want to fuck. Darnit."

Easy lady! I think you want nymphotherapy, down hall second door on the left

Fuzz

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"

Estella the psycho-therapist

Excellent post. It resonates profoundly and raises a couple of points for me.

Being 'armed' with this knowledge can be frustrating if unable to put into practice (thus potentially compounding any conditions) eg. Sometimes a decision or action is needed to be made quickly, when some of us need time to make that decision/action.

Do you think these symptoms are a result of socioeconomic/political changes and pressures or is it a case of we've always suffered from these conditions it's just we've made giant steps the the medical world in identifying/understanding and treating these human dysfunctions?

Fuzz

Estella, the psycho-therapist, says:

“Well Fuzz, what do *you* think?”

Depends on what mood and which *me* is being anal-ised. Are you charging by the hour or can I pay you in 'kind'?

Fuzz

You see now I’m not concentrating properly. Now I’m thinking of reaping my rewards in the form of anal-ising you. Now I just want to fuck. Darnit.

Easy lady! I think you want nymphotherapy, down hall second door on the left

Fuzz"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

Well... we established I think too much already... so do excuse me for not getting too deep in to this one Miss Estella! I'll burn my chilli if I get started!

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago

i wonder if some of the negative come from those with insecurities - personally i know im really good at my job but one 'off' comment by someone can make me feel like im failing badly - made me think has this

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Well... we established I think too much already... so do excuse me for not getting too deep in to this one Miss Estella! I'll burn my chilli if I get started! "

Burn my chilli?

Is that a euphemism?!

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...

It's been said I don't think I just act

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By *eliWoman
over a year ago

.

I've really missed these types of posts of yours, OP. I'm sort of bookmarking - will try and write a coherent response (for me at least!).

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"i wonder if some of the negative come from those with insecurities - personally i know im really good at my job but one 'off' comment by someone can make me feel like im failing badly - made me think has this"

Oh for sure! They say we hear one negative thing - amidst many positive things - far more loudly and acutely. I think there’s positives and negatives to every way of being - imagine the negatives of being over-confident/arrogant?

I think it’s interesting how we veer to a particular favourite mental distortion/s — identifying yours can be really useful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago

Fuzz, I’m still seriously thinking about your questions as I’m bouncing around with many contradictory answers currently.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's been said I don't think I just act "

You’re a thinker if e’er there was one!

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By *cornishcoupleCouple
over a year ago

st. austell

Thank you Estella for somthing thought provoking, makes a nice change. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"I've really missed these types of posts of yours, OP. I'm sort of bookmarking - will try and write a coherent response (for me at least!).

"

I shall look forward to reading you anon!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Thank you Estella for somthing thought provoking, makes a nice change. X"

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By *iss.HoneyWoman
over a year ago

...


"It's been said I don't think I just act

You’re a thinker if e’er there was one!"

I've got a brain twist twin and all

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"It's been said I don't think I just act

You’re a thinker if e’er there was one!

I've got a brain twist twin and all "

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Fuzz, I’m still seriously thinking about your questions as I’m bouncing around with many contradictory answers currently. "

Welcome to Fuzzville

Fuzz

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Fuzz, I’m still seriously thinking about your questions as I’m bouncing around with many contradictory answers currently.

Welcome to Fuzzville

Fuzz"

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"most of exhibit one or more of those traits at some point in our lives, it is because we are human.

dwelling on or letting such traits control your life is usually a sign of stress or in some instances brought about by another's mental abuse.

understanding feelings that at the time seem almost natural to you is the first step of breaking the cycle and actually starting to see their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Op, i will ask the question the rest of us are thinking.. how long did it take you to type this?

Cut and paste, yo! "

What's your source? Interesting and thought provoking OP as always!

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"most of exhibit one or more of those traits at some point in our lives, it is because we are human.

dwelling on or letting such traits control your life is usually a sign of stress or in some instances brought about by another's mental abuse.

understanding feelings that at the time seem almost natural to you is the first step of breaking the cycle and actually starting to see their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Op, i will ask the question the rest of us are thinking.. how long did it take you to type this?

Cut and paste, yo!

What's your source? Interesting and thought provoking OP as always! "

Some work related handouts!!

Probably from Mind/Mental Health Foundation or the like

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"Stop! Don’t panic! It might not be what you think!

Here are ten of the most common thought distortions you might have experienced:

1. Mental Filter

Mental filtering is when we focus exclusively on the most negative and upsetting features of a situation, filtering out all of the more positive aspects.

Example: You undertake a presentation at work which is complimented and praised by ninety-five percent of the team - but you dwell and focus on the five percent of feedback that you could have done a slightly better job. This leaves you convinced you didn't do well enough and not only don't you recognise and enjoy the praise being offered but you decide not to participate in future events.

2. Disqualifying the Positive

Disqualifying the positive is when we continually discount and dismiss the positive experiences we encounter, by deciding they are unimportant or 'don't count'.

Example: A friend compliments you on a dinner you made, but you decide that “they are just saying that to be nice” or “they are trying to get something out of me”.

3. 'All or Nothing' Thinking

'All or nothing' thinking is when we see things purely in 'black or white'. These types of thoughts are characterised by terms such as or 'every', 'always', or 'never' . Everything is seen as good or bad or a success or failure. It is generally the negative perspective that is endorsed, discounting all the shades of grey that lie in between the two focussed on choices.

Example: If you get eighty per cent on a test, you feel like a failure that you didn't get a perfect score.

4. Overgeneralisation

Thinking in an over-generalising way means we will often see a single unpleasant incident or event as evidence of everything being awful and negative, and a sign that now everything will go wrong.

Example: If you fail to get a job you interview for, you decide you are never going to get a job. Or you might go on one unsuccessful date and that is it, you decide you are never going to find a partner.

5. Jumping to Conclusions

An individual who ‘jumps to conclusions’ will often make a negative interpretation or prediction even though there is no evidence to support their conclusion. This type of thinking is often made when thinking about how others feel towards us. It can show up as either 'mind reading' (assuming the thoughts and intentions of others) or 'fortune-telling' (anticipating the worse and taking it as fact).

Example: You are at a party and you don't like what you are wearing and you decide 'everyone is laughing at me' (mind reading). Or you are going to take your drivers test and 'know' that you are going to fail (fortune-telling).

6. Magnifying or Minimising (also referred to as “Catastrophisation”)

Thinking in a magnifying or minimising manner is when we exaggerate the importance of negative events and minimize or downplay the importance of positive events. In depressed individuals, it is often the positive characteristics of other people that are exaggerated and the negatives that are understated (and then when thinking of oneself, this is reversed). When we think catastrophically we are unable to see any other outcome other than the worse one, however unlikely this result may turn out to be.

Example: You send out the wrong letter to a client at work, and this turns into “I will now lose my job, and then I won’t be able to pay my bills, and then I will lose my house.”

7. Personalisation

A person engaging in personalisation will automatically assume responsibility and blame for negative events that are not under their control. This is also called 'the mother of guilt' because of the feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy it leads to.

Example: You feel it's all your fault that your dog injured his foot even though you weren't at home when it happened but were out shopping. Your thoughts might be 'if only I didn't go out' or even 'maybe when I came home I accidentally stepped on the dog and hurt him' even though this is entirely unrealistic.

8. Shoulds and Oughts

Individuals thinking in 'shoulds', ‘oughts; or 'musts' have an ironclad view of how they and others ‘should’ and ‘ought’ to be. These rigid views or rules can generate feels of anger, frustration, resentment, disappointment and guilt if not followed.

Example: You don't like playing tennis but take lessons as you feel you 'should', and that you 'shouldn't' make so many mistakes on the court, and that your coach 'ought to' be stricter on you. You also feel that you 'must' please him by trying harder.

9. Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when we assume feelings reflect fact, regardless of the evidence. The idea here is “I feel it, therefore it must be true”. Such thinking can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies whereby our thoughts can end up eliciting the very behaviour we predicted, just because we changed our behaviour in accordance with that thought.

For example, if you think “I feel ugly and stupid, so then I must actually be ugly and stupid” you might then stop buying yourself new clothes and start doing poorly at the course you are taking at university, even though you look fine and were doing very well at school.

10. Labelling

Labelling is an extreme form of 'all or nothing' thinking and overgeneralisation. Rather than describing a specific behaviour, an individual instead assigns a negative and highly emotive label to themselves or others that leaves no room for change.

Example: You make a mistake on a form you filled out and it's sent back to you in the post. So you decide “I'm such a loser” or “I'm so stupid” rather than thinking “I made a mistake as I had a busy day when I was filling this out”

Breathe and check out your thinking! "

I’m struggling with a lot of these right now

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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago


"most of exhibit one or more of those traits at some point in our lives, it is because we are human.

dwelling on or letting such traits control your life is usually a sign of stress or in some instances brought about by another's mental abuse.

understanding feelings that at the time seem almost natural to you is the first step of breaking the cycle and actually starting to see their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Op, i will ask the question the rest of us are thinking.. how long did it take you to type this?

Cut and paste, yo!

What's your source? Interesting and thought provoking OP as always!

Some work related handouts!!

Probably from Mind/Mental Health Foundation or the like "

I was just hoping it was a website I could have a look at as it's interesting.

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

This is a bloody big post. Can you email it to me. Its nearly 2 in the morning and it's a bit much lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"Stop! Don’t panic! It might not be what you think!

Here are ten of the most common thought distortions you might have experienced:

1. Mental Filter

Mental filtering is when we focus exclusively on the most negative and upsetting features of a situation, filtering out all of the more positive aspects.

Example: You undertake a presentation at work which is complimented and praised by ninety-five percent of the team - but you dwell and focus on the five percent of feedback that you could have done a slightly better job. This leaves you convinced you didn't do well enough and not only don't you recognise and enjoy the praise being offered but you decide not to participate in future events.

2. Disqualifying the Positive

Disqualifying the positive is when we continually discount and dismiss the positive experiences we encounter, by deciding they are unimportant or 'don't count'.

Example: A friend compliments you on a dinner you made, but you decide that “they are just saying that to be nice” or “they are trying to get something out of me”.

3. 'All or Nothing' Thinking

'All or nothing' thinking is when we see things purely in 'black or white'. These types of thoughts are characterised by terms such as or 'every', 'always', or 'never' . Everything is seen as good or bad or a success or failure. It is generally the negative perspective that is endorsed, discounting all the shades of grey that lie in between the two focussed on choices.

Example: If you get eighty per cent on a test, you feel like a failure that you didn't get a perfect score.

4. Overgeneralisation

Thinking in an over-generalising way means we will often see a single unpleasant incident or event as evidence of everything being awful and negative, and a sign that now everything will go wrong.

Example: If you fail to get a job you interview for, you decide you are never going to get a job. Or you might go on one unsuccessful date and that is it, you decide you are never going to find a partner.

5. Jumping to Conclusions

An individual who ‘jumps to conclusions’ will often make a negative interpretation or prediction even though there is no evidence to support their conclusion. This type of thinking is often made when thinking about how others feel towards us. It can show up as either 'mind reading' (assuming the thoughts and intentions of others) or 'fortune-telling' (anticipating the worse and taking it as fact).

Example: You are at a party and you don't like what you are wearing and you decide 'everyone is laughing at me' (mind reading). Or you are going to take your drivers test and 'know' that you are going to fail (fortune-telling).

6. Magnifying or Minimising (also referred to as “Catastrophisation”)

Thinking in a magnifying or minimising manner is when we exaggerate the importance of negative events and minimize or downplay the importance of positive events. In depressed individuals, it is often the positive characteristics of other people that are exaggerated and the negatives that are understated (and then when thinking of oneself, this is reversed). When we think catastrophically we are unable to see any other outcome other than the worse one, however unlikely this result may turn out to be.

Example: You send out the wrong letter to a client at work, and this turns into “I will now lose my job, and then I won’t be able to pay my bills, and then I will lose my house.”

7. Personalisation

A person engaging in personalisation will automatically assume responsibility and blame for negative events that are not under their control. This is also called 'the mother of guilt' because of the feelings of guilt, shame, and inadequacy it leads to.

Example: You feel it's all your fault that your dog injured his foot even though you weren't at home when it happened but were out shopping. Your thoughts might be 'if only I didn't go out' or even 'maybe when I came home I accidentally stepped on the dog and hurt him' even though this is entirely unrealistic.

8. Shoulds and Oughts

Individuals thinking in 'shoulds', ‘oughts; or 'musts' have an ironclad view of how they and others ‘should’ and ‘ought’ to be. These rigid views or rules can generate feels of anger, frustration, resentment, disappointment and guilt if not followed.

Example: You don't like playing tennis but take lessons as you feel you 'should', and that you 'shouldn't' make so many mistakes on the court, and that your coach 'ought to' be stricter on you. You also feel that you 'must' please him by trying harder.

9. Emotional Reasoning

Emotional reasoning is when we assume feelings reflect fact, regardless of the evidence. The idea here is “I feel it, therefore it must be true”. Such thinking can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies whereby our thoughts can end up eliciting the very behaviour we predicted, just because we changed our behaviour in accordance with that thought.

For example, if you think “I feel ugly and stupid, so then I must actually be ugly and stupid” you might then stop buying yourself new clothes and start doing poorly at the course you are taking at university, even though you look fine and were doing very well at school.

10. Labelling

Labelling is an extreme form of 'all or nothing' thinking and overgeneralisation. Rather than describing a specific behaviour, an individual instead assigns a negative and highly emotive label to themselves or others that leaves no room for change.

Example: You make a mistake on a form you filled out and it's sent back to you in the post. So you decide “I'm such a loser” or “I'm so stupid” rather than thinking “I made a mistake as I had a busy day when I was filling this out”

Breathe and check out your thinking!

I’m struggling with a lot of these right now "

I’m sorry to hear that, it’s very common and you’re definitely not alone. Are you getting any help to recognise your patterns and triggers? I’d really recommend getting some support, it can really help and it’s hard to tackle things on your own when you’re feeling stuck in some of these ways of thinking. Sending you

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"most of exhibit one or more of those traits at some point in our lives, it is because we are human.

dwelling on or letting such traits control your life is usually a sign of stress or in some instances brought about by another's mental abuse.

understanding feelings that at the time seem almost natural to you is the first step of breaking the cycle and actually starting to see their is light at the end of the tunnel.

Op, i will ask the question the rest of us are thinking.. how long did it take you to type this?

Cut and paste, yo!

What's your source? Interesting and thought provoking OP as always!

Some work related handouts!!

Probably from Mind/Mental Health Foundation or the like

I was just hoping it was a website I could have a look at as it's interesting."

I’ll have a search, it’s going to be lifted from one for sure.

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By (user no longer on site) OP   
over a year ago


"This is a bloody big post. Can you email it to me. Its nearly 2 in the morning and it's a bit much lol"

Revisit it tomorrow

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East


"This is a bloody big post. Can you email it to me. Its nearly 2 in the morning and it's a bit much lol

Revisit it tomorrow "

Yeah I will. I had a quick scan read.

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By *itch and TwatCouple
over a year ago

Near Rushden Lakes


"I'm sort of bookmarking - will try and write a coherent response (for me at least!).

"

Me too x

Twat

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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East


"I'm sort of bookmarking - will try and write a coherent response (for me at least!).

Me too x

Twat"

Off topic. Apologies to Estella.

Bitch and Twat. Your user name makes me smile.

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